What an oxymoron....the 3, as he described as a liar can be authentic and self affirming and become inspiring....hmm...maybe the authenticity and self affirmations are in themselves....lies??🤔
As a staunch Five, the video on this particular was the one I was expecting the most, and boy did you deliver. Hit the nail on the head, especially with the advice section.
“Their father was absent or a playmate, so their mother took on a more controlling role” (paraphrased) - omg. That’s exactly what happened. I’m SO freaked out 🤣😂
I think that since we as 8s are usually trying to better ourselves by building habits and traits that would further help us, we end up ignoring the features tha come naturally to us(like the ones mentioned in the video).. Which is why we mostly focus on traits we have developed throughout the course of our lives. Don't get me wrong, it's a wonderful thing to be different from the stereotypes..but yeah that's just my opinion.
It's genuinely weird how accurately you just described my (#5) relationship with my (#7) ex and how it disintegrated over and over again. Mind blowing! Thank you.
I’ve always felt aligned with this type but I was always really close with one parent while the other was abusive. So idk what that means. But I was always in my imagination, uniquely and usually alone, even as a child. And the rest of the type has always been accurate.
I don’t quite understand step 2 of the conflict. The 9 enjoys the experience of solitude and starts to play with the delusions that take them away from the real conflict: can you give an example? What kind of delusions, and does this mean they’re mocking the seriousness of the situation? Or maybe it’s a condescension? Is this defensive in nature or are they making an attempt to escalate it?And what kind of enjoyment would that bring them?
Quality time, 1,000%. Words of affirmation are nice, but not one of my top love languages. Gifts are tricky, so I tend to try to give gifts in the form of food or drinks. It’s a nice way of showing I care without running the risk of giving someone something that’ll just sit around. I really appreciate gifts myself and cherish what people give me because I’m sentimental like that. But yeah.. sometimes people give things I wish they wouldn’t have. 😅
I loved hearing your assessment of the 7. I will say there is some discrepancies between the type 7 female and the type 7 male. I'd love to hear you explore that more in another video. As a type 7 identifying female, I would find that really fascinating. Great work!
My mother is a 6w5 and I'm a 7w8. We clash a lot over our contrasting ways of experiencing and processing anxiety. However, we can have a lot of fun together, and our respective propensities for loyalty allows us to (eventually) reconcile whenever we have a falling out. I can't imagine being in a romantic relationship with someone who grapples with as much anxiety as I do, and then on top of it consistently processes their anxiety towards the worst-case scenario. I seek solutions but can sometimes appear uncaring or dismissive about the feelings that crop up for things that don't go smoothly. My mother focuses on the negatives too much, and she can harbor sadness/anger/resentment for years. As family members, love and loyalty binds us, but especially so when we acknowledge our differences and make a deliberate effort to not try to dominate the other to think like we do. Letting my mother vent is helpful, and her sticking to actionable requests is indeed helpful for harmony to be maintained. With a lot of the 6s in my life, I find a great appreciation for their grit and ability to be there when things go south. They're great people.
7w8 woman married to a 9w1 man here. My 8 wing is strong, and so a lot of the punchiness has been present throughout our lives, which has been helpful in maintaining productivity. However, that punchiness lends itself to conflict, and he doesn't like anything resembling conflict, so he might go to great lengths to avoid it or play it down when it shakes out. On a good day, we're super balanced and are exactly as you described on the Wygatt (sp?) rating system. We have lots of fun together, are each other's best friends. He is calm, nurturing, and helps keep my temper and high expectations in check. I pull him out of his shell and bring him to face the things he might not want to deal with, or wishes to do, but hasn't gotten around to doing. On a not-so-good day, it's almost like a case of opposites clashing, and it's hard to communicate, so we end up feeling unseen/unheard. Like you mentioned, our conflict avoidance drives us in opposite directions, and it has been tough to acknowledge and walk back from those patterns. However, we love each other intensely, and so we've worked very hard to get to a place where we can calmly and respectfully unpack our respective issues. We're at our healthiest point yet, after many years, but it was a deliberate effort to get to this place. Ours is not a relationship that takes off easily, but there is no hesitation that we're still deeply in love. The enneagram has been helpful for us to conceptualize our differences and similarities, and where there could be space for us to make this work between us. We love your videos and content; you are very accurate and compassionate with your insight. My POV on a 7/9 couple: it can be super bumpy, especially if you don't communicate well, but if you can find your way, it is an incredibly loving, balanced, and beautiful relationship. This pairing can be prone to codependency, especially if both partners are unhealthy. Be aware of your individual needs and weaknesses, so you can heal together.
@@YouveGotaType my girlfriend introduced me to your video of a 5+9 relationship, and man it was scary accurate. She's said for a while how she appreciates how I make her feel safe, and I do indeed value her decision making skills 😅 keep up the great work
Gosh they both sound like me. I know for sure im a 9 and have been since i was a kid, but I'd say in my early 20s i was more 9w8, now in my early 30s more of a 9w1. Is this possible? Ive also heard that we lean on both of our wings, just at times more on one than the other.
It's very interesting to hear how you describe that the Enneagram 9s perceived their childhood in comparison to how the No More Mr Nice Guy perceived their childhoods (according to the author Robert Glover). It is VERY similar, i.e. "Leave it to Beaver family", very perfect etc. when that actually was not the case. Have you read that book and have you seen similarities with the No More Mr Nice Guy and the Enneagram 9 (or others). Keep up the good work!
Never heard of him, but these are foundational patterns that go back to the origins of the enneagram, so there should always be a base level of consistency amongst any content rooted in the true enneagram :)
A fourth, less discussed, response to trauma is called fawning, or people-pleasing. The fawn response is a coping mechanism in which individuals develop people-pleasing behaviors to avoid conflict, pacify their abusers, and create a sense of safety. So for 9s people pleasing could be a strong childhood trauma response.
Yup sure can. Ironically, people are rarely "pleased" with so called people pleasers. There almost needs to be a better name for this kind of "hiding."
yesss. as a 4 i like to show people i care by going out of my way to understand them because i dont feel understood myself. this presents as giving the benefit of the doubt, giving gifts attuned to them, and sometimes learning about their enneagram type and observing how it presents.
This sounds so nice and healthy and cohesive when you describe it as a healthy romantic relationship… but as a sibling relationship, I feel like none of these elements are meshing well. 😅
I’m a 4w5 and INTJ. My father is likely a 1 and abused me mentally, emotionally and financially my whole life. I have removed him and I will not surrender to suffering again. I have naturally integrated to One thanks to therapy throughout my teens to present and my importance on reason with honoring emotions. I have been too harsh on myself, though, so I am taking time to integrate within. I love and hate the world. It is sick and painful, but humanity’s love persists and shines in many odd corners :) I will be happy and so will you all! I yearn to be a great artist. I hope I can encourage the world to cherish their hearts.
3w4 here with a 8w7. If it helps, we are also ENTP and ENTJ It’s been a roller coaster, mainly in the control aspect, but I think we’ve both grown immensly while being together. We are each others best friend and we’ve both decided we have found our life partner. Our fights tend to last for days and reminds me of freaking filibusters. Even when we fight and we’re both going at each other I can’t help but admire, internally, his cold thought process. We banter/squabble all the time playing devils advocate on eachother and we LOVE it. Our subjects go all over the place from design, philosphy, politics, history etc and we will talk into the night. When being together we value authenticity so at the end of the day we can be ourselves, unfiltered. When we’re together we tend to have this audio effect, that we don’t notice in the moment, like a volume war that gets louder as if we’re both trying to dominate the conversation.
