I’m Shana. Just a human in Los Angeles who went through a devastating break up that I didn't think I would survive.
And then I did.
I started this channel because I needed a whole lot of help picking up the pieces of me and putting them back together. I offer my relatable thoughts with love--and sometimes tough love--hoping I can use the tools that I learned to help you get through your breakup, as well. ❤️🩹
I’m not a psychologist or professional therapist. All opinions expressed are simply my own from my personal experience and perspective. 🙏
I went to block my ex (she broke up with me) because I felt it was the best course of action for me to heal but she was begging me not to and said she can't let go of me and misses me. We started getting talking about if we could try again and what could be stopping it/ needs fixing. She asked to continue the conversation after exams but then 5 days later wanted to go no contact suddenly and is now with a new guy that she has just met and told me she's moved on and hopes I can as well. It's left me so confused how she went from wanting to try again, to this new guy a week later. I'm in no contact now but is he a rebound and she's just confused? Or is it really over?
Wow! Okay...first of all, yes, she is definitely confused. That is not rational behavior at all. That being said, if she wants No Contact, my suggestion is that you respect that and wait for her to come back around. If you feel comfortable blocking her, that will help you move away to an extent and I recommend it. Begging you to stay and then taking another guy five days later makes no rational sense. I do appreciate both of your apparent willingness to fix what was broken. But right now, she is not really ready to look at those broken pieces. It sounds like you are and this is a perfect opportunity to work on yourself and examine if this is a woman that you really want in your life. BTW...she hasn't moved on. Dating s new guy is not moving on. It's avoidance. My best guess (and it's just a guess) is that she will be back. And my best advice is to consider the behaviors she just exhibited and know they are likely to repeat... For now, No Contact will go a long way. ❤🩹
@@pickingupthepieces_breakups Thank you so much, that really helped. I have considered if I would still want her back after all this with these behaviours she’s exhibiting and if she does ever ask to try again I’ll have a big talk about it with her and decide from there, she originally broke up with me due to lost feelings so it was quite surprising when she said that she missed me but then instantly changed her mind in days. Thank you again however I’ll make sure stay in no contact and respect her decision :)
@@rando9460 you are showing tremendous maturity. That is so important for the personal growth necessary to make a relationship work...either with your ex or with a wonderful new partner! 💗
Yep cause im one of a kind and I spoiled the crap outta him and gave him the very best version of myself to the point i dont have the energy to do it with anyone else i have no love to give. So its gonna be hard to replace me
It will be impossible for him to replace you! But you have so much left to give. Heal and regroup. The energy WILL come back and you will find a better partner who actually deserves you. ♥
@@pickingupthepieces_breakups thk u i will try its very hard im soooooooo heartbroken 💔 i cant shake it its been 9months and feels like yesterday and hes moving like hes happy as hell and our relationship wasnt even bad we broke up over freakin money
What if i was good to her and when i found out she got woth somwone during our no contact and she wasnt going to tell me.but kept asking for time and space so i found out and said a lot of hurtful truths am i a narcissist?
I am not a psychologist, but the word "narcissist" is thrown around way too much these days. Only about 3-5% of people have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but RU-vid would have you believe everyone does. It is normal to get upset in emotional situations and sometimes say things that you regret. The fact that you can classify them as hurtful means you are 99% most likely not a narcissist. But it does teach you about maybe being less reactive in the future. When you are in No Contact, you are technically apart and you both have the right to see anyone you choose. Even if it hurts or seems too soon.
@pickingupthepieces_breakups I understand the crazy thing is she made it seem like we were going to work it out and the same week ends up with someone ldr and what's the point of keeping me thinking something and even the same week after our breakup still texting me happy anniversary while with someone new she now calls husband
@@doomsdaypedro She is either messing with your mind or her mind is deeply messed up. I know it is very painful to think about, but I would suggest considering blocking her while you sort out your thoughts and feelings for her. Ultimately, I recommend thinking hard on whether you really want a woman like that in your life. And if so, why?
@pickingupthepieces_breakups yeah this other girl said im just falling for her game but we have not talked in over a month now and she blocked me but not from eeverything one of her friends just tells me things but idk I appreciate your help.its just confusing to think after so many years u move on to some ldr and I worked two job to take her on trips and another to eat but this new guy doesn't have a real job promise a house a car a wedding and she's saying he's perfect and the beat she ever had and no I wouldn't take her back just really has messed with my.head
@@doomsdaypedro I completely understand how it messes with your head. I have been there and I fully understand. Did you see my content on Trauma Bonding? Sometimes we fall in love with the person who abuses us. If you are okay with blocking her, I would recommend either getting a therapist, a life coach, or even a support group. I did all three. I do coaching, if you are interested, but I am not a therapist. If you want a free solution, I recommend finding the videos that make the most sense to you (Coach Lee is the best, I think...particularly on the topic of No Contact) and listen to them over and over...even while you sleep.
What if we broke up because she didnt wanna keep dating but didnt wanna break up so 1 week later shes with a new ldr guy and we were not ldr she was 1 hour away i drove every week and i gave her everything took her everywhere but i had a few communication problems but she blocked me for being rude when i found out and now she talks shit and says hes the best she ever had even though he has slept with prostitle they are different religions and he only gave her 10 on the phone on her bday but im worse apparently
You are not worse. If she is with a guy just one week later and saying these things, she is just being manipulative. Either trying to make you jealous, or trying to hurt you. But what she's saying isn't true. Communication is hard and we all make mistakes. But if she were such a pro at communication, she would talk it out. What I can guarantee is that she is comparing her new guy to you. Period. She can lie to you about that, but she won't be able to lie to herself. Are you in No Contact? I have a playlist on that and HIGHLY suggest it. Don't give in and let her win this game she is playing with you. Give her space and give yourself time to heal and also to figure out if you really want to be with a girl who behaves like that......
She left me due to my struggles with depression. It caused me to isolate, shut off, push her away, make lack of effort and not communicate. She tried so hard to help and support me but I wouldn't help myself. She left as it started impacting her mental health which I understood. So what if her rebound gives her all the effort, communication and time that I didn't give her? I hardly think she'll think I'm better than him. He hasn't got much to live up to.
My heart goes out to you and it's huge that you can acknowledge your role in the break up. First of all, I would recommend that you drop the narrative that he hasn't got much to live up to and instead take an honest inventory of all the great qualities you have and have to offer. Sometimes we lose sight of that when we are overwhelmed with dark emotions. Depression is difficult for both partners, and I also deeply appreciate that you don't make excuses for your behaviors, but understand how they affected her and you. Right now, your work is on healing yourself because if you go back into the relationship without fixing what is broken, it will just break again. To be honest, your healing may prepare you for a healthier relationship with her in the future. Or...it might serve for a healthy relationship with a new partner. Either way, focusing on yourself right now will be a very worthwhile investment. I can't guarantee that every rebound relationship will prove to be a less compatible partner than you were. But I can guarantee that she will be comparing. Whatever the outcome, you will grow as a person from the experience. I know that is probably not what you want to hear--it's not what I wanted to hear in my breakup--but I think in time, it will become clear that the lessons you get from this break up will truly serve you in all future relationships.
@@pickingupthepieces_breakups Thank you so much for your response. I am very aware that I caused the relationship to fail. I'm devastated that she already has someone new and the intense feelings of regret I have are nothing I've ever experienced. Because it didn't fail because we weren't compatible or right for each other. We had incredible chemistry and connection. We were so natural together. I know if I'd pushed myself to do more it would have worked. That's what I'm struggling to process. I am making steps to improve and work on myself to lift me from this depression and isolation. But I feel it's too late and I should have done this while I still had her. I just know this guy will fulfill all the needs that I didn't and she'll be able to make it work and persevere through thoughts of me to ensure it lasts and successfully move past the rebound feelings. I can't face trying to find someone else in future again. I've been around the block and I've never felt a connection like with her. It was other worldly.
@@pickingupthepieces_breakups Thank you so much for your response. As much as she may well be comparing, I do find it very hard to believe that I'm coming out of the comparisons more favourably than her rebound. If he so much as provided the bare minimum of time, effort and attention he's already going to be far better and she'll realise that. Because she's getting what I couldn't give. I also feel like as long as he continues to do the right things, then she will successfully persevere through the intrusive thoughts of me and suppress them enough in time that they pass and she will succeed in this relationship. All these videos I see on here about rebounds mostly failing are all well and good but it's very hard for me to find comfort in it. The way I see it is if the new partner makes them feel better than you did, then the comparison will be easy to deal with and therefore they'll make a success of the rebound. I'm struggling to accept the break up because I truly believe we are right for each other. I just need to address my mental health. The only thing I could possibly compete with in the comparisons is the level of connection we had. I've never felt such a deep, natural connection. It was other worldly. We were effortlessly comfortable around each other. I've never experienced anything like it and I've certainly been around the block. I just know she felt this too. But by the end I was simply dragging her down, impacting her mental health and making her feel unwanted. If the rebound addresses all of that how can it possibly fail? I miss her terribly.
Thank you so much for your response. As much as she may well compare, I find it really hard not to believe her new partner is coming out of it favourably. If he gives her the bare minimum of time, effort and attention then she's going to be happy, because I wasn't able to. I can't see why the rebound will fail if she's getting what she couldn't from me. I feel she will be able to persevere through the intrusive thoughts and make a success of it. I truly believe me and her are right for each other. I just need to address my mental health. The only way I may compete in the comparisons is the level of deep connection we had. It was other worldly. We were so effortlessly comfortable and natural together. I've never experienced anything like it and I've been around the block. I know she felt the same. I miss her terribly.
@@Forkner_SW I can feel the depth of your love for her. How clearly have you explained it to her? Also, are you in No Contact right now? It's the hardest--but most important thing--you can do. (My No Contact playlist will explain a lot and there are so many amazing relationship coaches on RU-vid, too. When it comes to No Contact, Coach Lee is the one who saved my life! I listened to him on repeat!) That being said, keep in mind that most relationships (rebound or otherwise) in this world do not work out in the long run. And the success rate of a rebound is even lower. Even IF her new partner "wins" this game, by no means does it mean that their relationship will last forever or even a long time. Keep in mind how deep your connection was with her. Connection is the most important thing. So, if your relationship broke up, why would she be able to go all the way with someone else with whom she likely has less of a connection? My suggestion is to go into full No Contact and every time you feel like you need to contact her, find some No Contact videos that really speak to you (make a playlist!) and listen to them over and over until the feeling passes. And take this time to heal. Then, when you are ready and know you can bring the best version of you to the relationship, you can tell her with your most sincere and open heart how much she means to you, how hard you have worked to be a better person for her, and how committed you really are to be the partner that she deserves. You can certainly tell her you're not perfect and there will be times when you slip up, but you are committed to doing your best because she means the world to you. And then I would come up with a plan together of the best way to proceed if you feel like depression is taking over again. Maybe it means time apart during those times. Or an understanding that there will be times that you need to be alone and that it's not personal, but the best way to save the relationship. But, heal and keep hope. When love is pure, it finds a way. ❤🩹
Keep in mind that I am just a person and not a professional. My personal advice is: 1. As extraordinarily difficult as No Contact is (I never thought I would survive it and kept counting the days to get out of it), it serves two major purposes. First, it gives you BOTH perspective and the ability to think about whether the relationship was healthy and worth salvaging. Second--and this is the important one that only becomes clear after you have finally moved on--it gives you time to work on yourself and to heal. When people told me No Contact for a year, I thought, "HELL, NO!" But after an actual year, I realized just how far I had come and how important that time really was. 2. I don't know the circumstances of your breakup. If, for example, you were the one who broke up with your partner and you realize now that you were wrong, I personally think that a sincere apology (without excuses) plus a clear expression of your love goes a really long way. And I would not do it over text. Preferably not over the phone either, but in person. If, on the other hand, they broke up with you, definitely stay in No Contact. The ball is in their court to make amends. I promise that in this new relationship, they ARE comparing you to the new person. When they decide you are the better of the two, they will be the ones to come back and apologize. 3. It depends how long it's been since you broke up. If it's within 2 - 3 months, I think you need to stay in No Contact. If it's been, say, a year, I think you can consider reaching out.
I guess it depends on why you broke up. If you broke up (like most couples do) because of incompatible or unacceptable behaviors, then know your ex will bring those same behaviors into the new relationship. And if you want your ex back and you are upset thinking about the honeymoon phase because it reminds you of your own.....then know that the honeymoon phase is just that: a phase. Where will the new relationship be when that phase passes? Now is a good time and opportunity to think about why you broke up, whether your ex's behaviors are compatible with your vision of a healthy relationship, and what your role was in the break up. Once you can answer all those questions and do the work on yourself that needs to be done (you only have control over yourself), there will be an emotional opening to make amends if that is what you still want. 🙏
I messed up early on by continuing communication with my ex and I work on the night club industry so she thought I was talking to other women. She recently left me for a ex friend of mine. Literally 3 days later she’s with him. 2 months and they are still together she looks happy.. I don’t think she’ll come Back I don’t think she even feels bad or thinks of me.. it’s been 1 year and half together I did a lot for her and she erased me like I was nothing. Blames my past actions for what she’s doing..
Just because she looks happy doesn't mean she is happy. If she ran from you to your ex-friend's arms, it means either (a) she is trying to make you jealous, (b) she is very hurt about your break up and thinks a new relationship will heal the wound (it won't), or (c) she has very low morals. IF you want her back...have you told her? Have you been sincere about your intentions? No one is a mind reader and she may very well be biding her time with this guy praying at night that you will come and ask for her back. But you have to take an honest look at the relationship you had. What past actions is she blaming you for? Have you had any personal growth to move you past those actions? Was she the kind of girlfriend who you really and truly want in your life? If so, remember that if old you goes back to old her, you will wind up with the same broken relationship . IF you do decide to tell her you are interested in getting back together, I would suggest an honest discussion about how both of you can show up for each other in a better way that makes both of you happy in the relationship.
@@pickingupthepieces_breakupsthank you for your reply, Honestly I was a bit toxic but we always argued because she would neglect me a lot. She would say we’re together and that she loves me but then present herself as friend in front of everyone. I would help her a lot.. when I confronted her after I found out she was seeing this friend of mine. She didn’t care at all she blamed me still seeing my ex as a friend and me being flirty with other girls which I wasn’t. The day I caught them out I tried to fight the guy and said a lot of hurtful stuff to her and also went and told her previous partner everything she was doing… that made her mad and that’s when she blocked me on everything and threatened to put a restraining order.. so I have left her alone since then. I don’t think I she will ever talk to me.. I don’t want her back after that betrayal but I can’t process how heartless she was to leave me for a friend and how unbothered she is.. makes me wonder if she even cared for me.. she seems so happy and living life.. I don’t get it
@@mekkomekko8964 Boy, that depends on a lot of factors, including why you broke up, how long you have been broken up, if you are in No Contact, and others. If you are interested in setting up a call with me, I am happy to help you decide if it is your best strategy. Ultimately, anything is okay if it is what is in your heart. But you want to do it in a way that is respectful to both your and your ex's feelings.
Thank you, I needed to hear this tonight. It's been a month and a half and I am still working on getting over it after only a four month relationship. The things she said after the breakup were so cruel, confusing, and nothing like the person I had gotten to know. I was divorced when I was younger, and even that was less cruel than this.
Hey Josh, my heart is with you. I fully understand and am glad that my words found you at the right time. It is so hard to move past an emotionally scarring and confusing break up...no matter how long the relationship was. Be patient with yourself. None of the things she said is a reflection on you. It is just displaced hurt and anger that she lacks the maturity to deal with and so she is taking it out on you.
What if took her fro granted and when she thought i was with someone else, when I wasnt. She immediately adter that started seeing this new guys and been together wber since. And at the end she even told me a list of things he was better than i was?why did she tell me that? Even when couple of weeks before she told me I was really importsnt for her and wanted to share wirh me this new stage she was going through and still said she loved me but then 3 weeks later she went withs guy. Didnt even have the guts to tell me dtrsight to my face?
I am so sorry to hear that. To me, it sounds like she was hurt because she thought you were with someone else and she felt taken for granted. Perhaps she is trying to make you feel bad because she felt bad. That is not a mature response, but an emotional one nonetheless. When you say you took her for granted, that is a big realization. IF you want her back, I think a sincere apology without excuses would go a long way. But if you are just hurt and confused by her actions and don’t want her back, it seems like a really good opportunity to work on yourself so you don’t take the next woman for granted and you can make a wonderful relationship. 🙏
@@pickingupthepieces_breakups working on that. I want her back honestly. But now its so weird she is making a life with another person right away. Don't know if whatever she felt and told me was real.... She ssumed stuff I was never with someone else was checking on that only. She blocked me of everything and send her father instead
When people first made that suggestion to me, it sounded ridiculous, impossible, frustrating, and unnecessary. Then I did it and realize that it was very necessary and very healing. ❤🩹
@@Bluepearl187 I am so sorry to hear that! It is impossible for me to see into anyone's brain or motivations. People can have any number of motivations. Sometimes they are just not good people. 💔 I am glad he is your ex and wish you much better!
When a soulmate comes into your life, you will know. We often confuse love and lust for real two-way connection. But unless both souls are completely vested in the same relationship, there is a better partner out there for you. ♥️
I just had a heartbreak about 3 weeks ago. The hardest thing for me is flipping that switch and moving forward even though I know I need to. I know I’ll be better off when I do, but right now it’s tough.
My heart goes out to you. Heartbreak is a real injury. We can't dismiss that emotional pain is as real as physical pain. Sometimes even deeper, as it resonates on a soul level. Right now, I recommend focusing on healing yourself and forgiving yourself for however much time it may take. ❤🩹
I took my ex for granted by texting her too little, calling only about 3 or 4 times a week in a long distance relationship, and saying things here and there that didn't communicate affection. In my defense, I did a lot of good things though! Any time she needed help I was there for her, I made so many romantic gestures, I did my best in other ways. I'm really heartbroken now because I wasn't aware of what the lack of a more consistent talking pattern did to her until the breakup, literally thought she was just being dramatic when she said we needed to call more. And she's dating someone new now already, only a month later! I'm blocked on every social app but I saw who she follows on Spotify, and while it used to be just me, now it's a different guy. I feel so much pain! It's partly my ego that took a hit, but I loved her a lot, despite my behavior, so I actually miss her big time. I'd love to just talk to her again, I don't know how that could ever happen. We were in a long distance relationship, and if she's dating someone close by, that's way more chill for her. Also I begged so much and sent a letter and a sketchbook of us and flowers, only to get rejected in a really harsh way. I do hope she returns to me if it doesnt work out, but should I even accept it if she does? I pushed her away through some bad behavior, so I kind of deserve what I got, but a new relationship is so extreme. Its a clear message that she doesn't value what we had. Should I look past that if it comes to it?
I don't get HOW my ex was able to jump into another relationship within a month after we had a 4 yr relationship. She has been with him now for almost 5 months. Has reached out to me 2 times in 5 months and last time told me she missed me but told me she was happy lol.... So why are wasting your time calling me and telling me you are happy and content but telling me you miss me and said you were sad talking to me. Im almost 5 months out and went on a date and have zero desire to connect with anyone romantically. I don't understand how she did it and just posting pics with his family and all like they have been together for years.
I hear you and first of all, if you have zero desire to connect with anyone romantically, I would highly recommend taking as much time as you need to heal yourself until you know you are ready for a new relationship. I say that because that's what I had to do, too. As to your ex, sometimes when someone is SO hurt by a breakup, they jump into another relationship to try to heal the wound. It's like a putting a band-aid on a broken bone. She is reaching out to you because she really does miss you. Doesn't sound to me like she is happy or content at all. Maybe she is just afraid of being alone and he fills a void for her. Don't get too wrapped up in social media pics. (A) Everyone puts their best foot forward on social media, regardless of their truth. We all know that. And (B) she may be posting just to make you jealous.
@@pickingupthepieces_breakups well the social media pic was posted by another family member of her boyfriend. She doesn't have social media. It was an Easter family pic. But anyway, that phone call was all over the map. First she started out saying that things were moving quickly with them I guess to insinuate that they were going to get engaged?? Which is insane because she has only dated this guy for 4 months at that time. And she travels during the week so they only get to see each other on weekends! So 4 months of weekends. Lol.... So a month into her relationship I noticed on her Pinterest page she had pinned engagement ring, wedding and baby stuff on her page,! Only a month into her relationship! To give you an idea of how bad this guy is and how many red flags....he is 32 and has never moved out of his parents home, has had a very up and down life, drug issues and alcohol in the past, hasn't had a serious relationship since high school, known womanizer who lost track of how many sexual partners he has had, only has high school diploma and low paying job. I on the other hand am educated, master degree, make 6 figs, own my own home, 2 paid off cars. So I definitely have my life together more than this guy. She had been family friends with this guy for many years but they had never dated because he was always a mess of a person. She breaks up with me and goes out on a date with him in the same week! 2 weeks into their dating she is at my house telling me she loves me and misses me and wants to think About getting back together. That was the last I saw of her. She reached out 2 more times via phone and it never went anywhere. Just her almost sounding like she was trying to convince herself she was happy. Told me like 3-4 times on the phone she was happy without me even asking her lol. I was like, great I'm glad you found happiness. But like I said in the same phone call telling me she was sad talking to me and that she did miss me. Haven't heard from her since. Been over a month. I'm trying to heal and it seems like it is taking me forever. I met a really nice girl, beautiful, smart and good personality and I just can't connect. I'm completely emotionally unavailable and it pisses me off because any other time I'd love to talk to this girl. I'm still in love with my ex and Miss her deeply. Almost 5 months and I'm still feeling this way. Very frustrating. I do feel better than I did but I'm no where near a relationship. I can't force that feeling and I'm not sure how she did.
Yeah she misses me so much that she has been with her rebound over 4 months now and is talking marriage with him now. And she started dating him the same week we broke up. Told me she almost came back to me 2 times. Month ago told me she missed me but is happy now with her low hanging fruit rebound because he was a family friend she had always had a crush on since they were kids. But.... He wins out. And I'm above this guy on EVERY conceivable level. Her loss. And we dated 4 years and have MANY memories built with my kids, family and had many vacations together. Tons of great memories, yet she gives up on us to go to a guy with MANY red flags. This guy is 32 and still lives his parents!! Has never left their house and has never held a long term relationship!! Yet thats the guy she wants to marry and have children with?!! A guy with drug history and psychological problems.
Okay, wow! It sounds like she is lost, confused, and...not worth your time. You see what she values. Clearly, those values don't align with who you are. Any successful long-term relationship will depend on shared values and mutual respect. It sounds like her rebound may be intended to make you jealous. Why else would she tell you she has considered getting back together with you and rub salt in the wound by saying she has had a crush on him since they were kids? That is not a kind or respectful thing to say to you and it shows a lot of emotional immaturity. And jumping right into a relationship immediately after a four-year meaningful relationship with you is emotional avoidance. I know that recovering from a break up is hard work (I know very well!), but it sounds like you are very aware that you are making the right decision by walking away.
Hi sharna, came across your content just this minute I’m from the UK :) so my girlfriend broke up with me 4 weeks ago now after I sent an inappropriate comment to a woman on social media. She went through my phone because she said she had a feeling and broke up with me once she see the message I sent. I can take full accountability as what I said you don’t say those things to another woman when you are in a committed relationship so I know it’s my fault. I don’t agree with my ex going through my phone because it’s an invasion of my privacy. Our relationship has been 5 years, live together, she has 3 boys and I don’t have any children of my own yet, she’s 36 and I’m 31. One thing I know is that we connect on a very deep level and we are pretty much the same people in the way we think, our values etc. I do strongly believe our relationship can flourish and be great because we proved that within the first 2 years together it was great. However it seems the last couple of years have been some rocky moments with a few consecutive breaks up which when we get back together and talk about things we realise that if we would’ve just spoke in the beginning we wouldn’t have needed to split in the first place. shes hurt by whats happened. its been hard because we see each other in the gym and i can just see by her body language she has this persona as if i am invisible even though im standing 10 feet away from her lol. i do want to get things back on track once and for all and rebuild the strong connection that we both know we have together. i have started therapy because i have noticed some triggers i have are from my childhood and i have to take responsibility for that. i would really like some genuine honest advice on what you think i should do, do i make the move and contact her or do i stay away even though it was fault in the first place? thanks again. keep up the good work
My ex in rebound relationship now...3 months in and she has reached out 2 times duriny NC BUT says she is "happy" with thr new relationship. Like almost sounds like she is trying to convince herself she is ans said her parents are questioning her too lol....she knows it was ridiculous but sending out vibes like she might marry him lol...WTF...but in the same call tells me she misses me and is sad and cried. So obviously still attached to me but saying she is happy and may engage witj him??? Come on
To me, it sounds like you know EXACTLY what the truth is. She misses you, loves you, and is trying to make you jealous. Question: do you really want her back? Not sure why you broke up, but if you feel like she is the one for you and you feel like you have grown from the experience, my guess is that she would be receptive if you told her that you still love her and would do what you need to to get her back. She wouldn't be reaching out to you unless she has strong feelings for you.
@@pickingupthepieces_breakups we didn't have a bad breakup except for it was out of left field for me. Love her dearly and she told me other night she almost came back a couple times but didn't. She thought I wasn't committed but after she left she found out I had an engagement ring which we talked about marriage last couple years. But in the end she said was too late even though I was willing to work on things. So I think she knows she has me as a backup option and is seeing where this goes with this new guy. She knows how I feel but on the last phone call I didn't express any of that. I ended up a positive note and gave her the breakup and will allow her to go through these stages with the rebound. Back in no contact. There was some stress with my ex wife and kids but nothing that can't be looked past and potentially fixed and I told her this stuff is temporary. Kids are getting older and want to be with friends. Also yes she is trying to make me jealous. Could she seriously be thinking marriage with this guy??? Low hanging fruit dude who she only sees on weekends because of her work? Would the stages take longer to get to because of the distance and lack of time together? It just makes no sense to anyone who knows her. They all are baffled by her decision.
Rebound relationships usually do not last, but of course, every situation is different. Do you feel like your wife is unfaithful to you? If she monkey branches from man to man, it is unlikely she will suddenly find her monkey and settle on a branch. As her husband (ex-husband?), you are her rock and her man-standard that she will measure all other men against. If she tries and discards men like old bananas, she will likely come back to you. I guess the real question is whether you want a woman who does that?
I give you a lot of credit for admitting that. First, ask yourself, if you want her back are you honestly ready and able to change your behaviors FOR THE LONG-RUN in a way that doesn't take her for granted and does give her your best? If you did (and didn't) do those things, it means that on some level you did not value her the way that maybe you do in retrospect. Why is that? Behavioral change is HARD and it takes a lot of work...and time. If you honestly want her back, it can't be that for a day or a week or two weeks you appreciate her and then go back to old patterns. I think that if you can be utterly sincere in your effort and commit to absolute change (most likely, that will require serious therapy or coaching...perhaps as a couple), talk to her. Tell her you love her and realize how you took her for granted and that you don't want that to happen anymore. Tell her you are committed to loving and respecting and valuing her...most women will accept that very, very happily, as long as there was no abuse involved in the relationship. Sincerity goes a long way. And behavior change takes a long time. Can you do both?
Tbh I feel like even though I was with her for 10 years, she was slowly losing connection with me for a long time and she is so happy with this new person. It was a month after our breakup… 10 years. So she had checked out long before that, I know she did because her grievance with me was emotional connection and communication. I have worked on those, I have been in therapy, I have been writing and meditating daily, I eat healthy which helps a little with the depression. But I always had really low self esteem which is also what contributed to the breakup. I am working on my insecurities. But I’m not confident I ever made her as happy as she is with this new person now. If I did, then I’ve totally forgotten from the pain of hearing her laugh on a discord call with another guy, the kind of laugh I always dreamed from her. I wish I tried harder to connect, but I just needed to go through this to figure it all out unfortunately. I should have gone out more and been more brave. But I am who I am now because of all this pain. I have changed for the better. I still want her back, I hope that desire will go away if she won’t come back. We got together when she was 15, I was 16, and ended when she was 26 and I 27. Pretty developmentally crucial years and it’s been really hard. Been only a month and half now. I hope she is happy, but I wish I could have been the one to do it. I wish I could have tried again with the way I am. I wish I could know if this guy is a rebound she is using to avoid pain or if she already passed her grieving long ago and this guy is just an amazing crush for her that she’s infatuated with.
Not sure what you are asking. Meaning your ex is hiding a rebound relationship from you? What kind of relationship do you have with your ex? And how do you know about the relationship? Is it a rebound or were they cheating on you? To be honest, sometimes rebound relationships do work out. Though more often than not, they don't. Oftentimes, regardless of whether the rebound lasts or not, they still got into that relationship because they feel so sad and lonely without you and are desperate for a new partner. Some people just can't seem to function unless they are in a relationship, so they would rush into someone else's arms to avoid the pain of being alone.
Wow! I am so sorry to hear that and can imagine how much that might hurt. I am not a professional therapist (or a psychic), but in my personal estimation, (a) he was cheating for a while because who gets married in three months??? or (b) he is a very unstable person (and the marriage is unlikely to last), or (c) he is literally doing it to hurt you (and is only hurting himself! And the other woman!). Regardless of which it is, I do not think a man like that has any emotional integrity and is not worth your precious time. 🙏
@@pickingupthepieces_breakups we were just dating and before that he was my best friend for 8 years and he's not married yet I guess he did and engagement ceremony after 3 months of our breakup but was stalking my profile all the time before his engagement ceremony it's been 1 year I guess he's still not completely married to her in my knowledge because I stopped looking for him.
I don’t know if this a rebound but me and my ex were ldr for 4 years. We broke up in April of this year and we didn’t talk again until may when my dad died. I asked her to come to the funeral and she was excited to telling me she can’t wait to be together and wanting to go on dates. Week came and we had a great time together we kissed , cuddle and everything a couple does even though we never talked about our relationship. Come June she was telling me she wants me to come stay with her and how much she loved me. Then later that mouth she starred texting me less and she went Mia for 4 days. When I finally asked her she told me she wanted to be single, then Teri weeks later I found out form her mom she introduced her to a new guy and then In augs she moved in with him and they been together ever since. She blocked me and told me she moved on with I asked her about it.
Wow, Keith. That sounds less like a rebound and more like cheating to me. Maybe I am missing something, but it sounds like she was acting like your serious girlfriend and then went off with a different man? I understand 100% how that would really hurt! But is this a woman you are hoping will come back? I know from my own experience that love makes people sometimes want an ex who we know deep down inside is not good for us. Breakup recovery is so hard, but like all worthwhile things in life, it is worth the work because you will not only come out stronger, but also with greater clarity about the nature of the person you were in the relationship and the person you were with. 🫶
@@pickingupthepieces_breakups we were broken up and we didn’t really said that we were boyfriend and girlfriend we just acted like it matter of fact she was the one who was more lovey dovey than me. Then she was leading me on more in June and ig taking to the guy she ended up with too. But I’m like if I did came to be with her she would have broken up with the guy she was with so I dint know how serious they even were, because two weeks after she said she wants to be single she with the guy then moved in with him a month later. But was literally with me a month before and telling me she loved me and want me to move with her. I just dint know but she been with him since July and still is.but I dint know when she met this other guy or how long she knew him for. I dint even know if she cheated on him with me or not. But I doubt it since she came to me for a whole week. I dint know what guy would allow their girlfriend to even do that. But I’m just hurt and confused with everything and the way she lead me on.I’m just confused on when she met the guy I dint know if it was during we were a coupe or she started taking to him when we broken up for a month before she came to see me.
my ex eventally blocked me but before that, he didnt even want to talk about the relationship and we i finally pushed him enough, he would but it would always end in an argument and he would play the blame game and the victim card and was very manluptive and also was making me the villian and then turned around and said i was doing all that but in reality, it was only him doing all these actions
IMO, a relationship should bring joy and peace to your heart 95% of the time. Conflict is normal, but should not dominate a relationship. It sounds like your ex was not worth your heart, your time, or your energy and good intentions. I wish you a happy, healthy, and loving relationship in 2024. <3
thank you and i think ur right. he had narcisstic tendencies and was blaming eveything on me and i so badly wanted it to be him but i dont think it was ever going to be him and he just lied to me and filled my head with all these amazing things we could accomplish together but in reality, it wasnt ever going to happen. @@pickingupthepieces_breakups
@@user-ek8wq5zd5z you don't think there are other people out there who are just as sexually attractive? Also...looks don't last forever. Did you make a list of the other things...? What is your most important thing for a healthy, happy relationship?
@pickingupthepieces_breakups I had a deep connection with this one person that kept me drawn to him and mostly trauma bond and since I've separated myself I'm seeying that there is better sexual partners out there who will treat me right
@@user-ek8wq5zd5z 💯 someone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated is not a proper partner. period. trauma bonds can be very confusing, but your heart knows. ♥
That may or may not be true. Many rebounds are so short, they don't even make a real impact. And many end not because there was any abuse or negativity, just that there was no connection. And that is a direct result of your ex's feelings of deep connection to you.
@@pickingupthepieces_breakupsNope, I don’t blame you as from a woman’s point of view it’s not that big of a deal, but from man’s perspective, once she’s laid with another man it’s finished. It will never and can never be the same. This is hard wired into men, evolutionary biology at work. If roles are reversed a woman is able to take a man back if he’s been with other women because the same evolutionary drivers are not at play to same degree.
People take cocaine or heroin to help numb the realities of life and give them a certain feeling. What a rebound relationship does is indirectly allow for oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin to be produced in your ex to help numb the reality of the break-up and give them a certain feeling, in the end they're all drugs. When the cocaine wears off people have some more cocaine. When the oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin wear off with the rebound, now they have to deal with the break-up. To keep avoiding that they either find another rebound to continue the cycle or reach out to their ex. BUT, they must first go through the pain of the break-up, there's no escaping it...the feeling of depression, self doubt, worthlessness etc. After that, they're in the process of self analysis...After all, isn't that what we had to go through and do ? Give it time
First of all, let me be honest that I am not a therapist. Just a person who went through a terrible break up for about a year, experienced so many different aspects of the healing process, and want to help anyone I can with the experiences I had. That being said, it sounds like your husband doesn't just take a rebound, but rebounds back and forth like a ping pong ball. To me, that means that he probably has strong feelings for both you and the other woman and is essentially keeping each of you in one back pocket to leave and come back to as fits his particular whims. The question I would seriously ask yourself is whether you are comfortable having a partner (of sorts) in your life knowing that if he comes back again (and my guess is WHEN he comes back again) he will be keeping another woman on standby that he may go back to at any time. TBH, my ex did something similar with his ex-wife. They have been divorced for eight years, but he ran hot and cold with her. He hates her. He loves her. He never wants to talk to her again. He wants to try again. As such, I felt he was never truly and fully present for our relationship and that was a factor that affected my decision to leave forever. Remember your self-worth. You are no one's back up plan. My personal suggestion is that you switch your focus away from him and onto healing yourself, moving on, and finding a man who will love and respect you the way that you deserve to be loved and respected. <3
@@XanRussell You can do better. And you DESERVE better! Do you believe that? If not, I think that is your work right now. Know your worth, beautiful woman!
I don't know the circumstances of your break up or why you are still in contact, but some people don't have the emotional maturity to let go of their anger and move on. In my personal experience and opinion, the best thing you can do is to not just say you are happy for him, but honestly get to the point when you are truly happy for him and wish him the best. That is the moment that you will be 100% open to receiving the wonderful and loving relationship that you deserve. ♥️
Mam she broke up with me after 5 years of realationship she don't go for any other guy but it all happened for my overprossesiveness 🙂 she leave me so I know about no contract rule and I am following it for 29 days I think she have to back I believe in my self that I am the best for her no one will never ever like me I am the great choice of her what is your openion about it mam please can you reply me ? She will come back ?
I can tell that your heart is in the right place and you are very sincere in your feelings for her. 🙏Also, I wish I could promise you that she will come back. Unfortunately, I don't know all the circumstances and though I sincerely wish I had a crystal ball, I don't. 😔 That being said, what I found out from my experience is this: with my last ex, I went into No Contact three times and he came back each time. It was VERY hard, but I took it day by day. And I spent that time trying to make myself a better person and a better partner, so when I did get another chance, the relationship would have a much stronger chance of lasting. ❤🩹 I have a lot of videos that talk about No Contact and how to best make it work. My best advice is to be very patient, to work on yourself, and either wait for her to come back or give yourself enough time to ground yourself before reaching back out to her. It is not a matter of 30 or 60 or 90 days, but as much time as it takes for both of you to get back to a place when you can reconnect without resentments or fears. Only love. 💕 I truly hope that you find your perfect partner. Either in your ex or in a new woman who is an even better fit for you.
Me and my ex have had a difficult year and sort of broke up about 6 months ago although still living together and have a 18 month old together. We have had sex together since we split. This guy who she always said was her friend had been texting for over a year and she always offered me to look at her phone as there’s nothing in it, he’s not my type at all etc. I found out about 3 weeks ago they had slept together after we had split and now they are supposedly in a relationship. She did comment a couple months back she thinks if she said he would be with her but she wasn’t interested. Now they are together and she is staying over at his house most nights. It’s hard because we are still technically living together because of our baby but I have backed right off emotionally from her. She keeps saying he understands me and worries about me. I think he’s just been telling her what she wants to hear and wormed his way in over messages. When she thought I was going on a date a couple weeks ago she got so angry with me saying things like “you are going to give her the world which you couldn’t give me” “ go and have sex with her” etc which seemed odd to me if she’s happy and moved on. Sorry for long message but does this sound like she is in a rebound relationship to you?
I'm sorry. For some reason, I am only seeing your comment now. It sounds like a rebound relationship to me. And that she wants it both ways. She wants to be able to have a relationship with this other guy AND keep you in the wings, as well. She still has strong feelings for you, but she is also being very unfair to you. You do not deserve to be her back up plan. 🙏
Thoughts on BPD ex GF we have young children together I broke it off she fought for me back for so long then a month ago I came around (I was messed up from my career in the army) offered a new home life the works she’s just seeing some new guy for a month or two 😣 I caused this thoughts on if she’ll come back & what to do. She has very little interest in talking & is that obsessed with her new attention she neglects our kids to run off & see him in the night I found out 😣 surely that can’t sustain itself but will breadcrumb me & ‘over call’ the kids. Also wouldn’t give me an answer wether to give up on this family & seemed covert mad she thought I was dating again. WTF do I do 😣 wait it out & do no contact keep from being a doormat now she’s getting her own back after chasing me for a year?
James, I am not sure if you have seen my videos about BPD, but that is a whole other ballgame. I was also with a BPD partner and obsessed with when/whether he would come back…until I woke up and realized I was asking the wrong question. The right question was why would I ever want him back? I had to make a clean break from the abuse and resolve not to look back. I am not saying it was easy-it was a long and hard 24/7 healing journey for almost a month-but it was only when I was able to completely break free that I could move on and recapture my life and my personal power. It is harder with kids involved-and one of the reasons I stayed with him longer than I should have. But look out for you and look out for the kids…and try to be honest with yourself about whether you are healthier with it without her. 🙏
@@pickingupthepieces_breakups I know what you were saying, but she has done some work on herself. The effect that this is having on our kids is unreal. And to be honest, I had issues opening up which I addressed. Should I do no/limited contact and just let this new situationship see it self out? I would agree if we had broken up multiple times but it was only ones due to a lot of factors in our life & my career etc. A lot has changed since then.
I wish I had a magic wand and answer, but you have to balance what your heart and mind are telling you. If you are both committed to doing the work of personal growth and to strengthen your relationship, then my personal opinion is that it is worth fighting for. I don’t know the circumstances of why you left, but I think that No Contact is the best way for both of you to do the personal growth necessary and also figure out what you honestly mean to each other. In my opinion, the only way to get an honest and objective view of your relationship is to go No Contact for long enough that your relationship emotions can neutralize. But honestly use that time apart to work on yourself. I can’t emphasize that enough. For me, it meant a combination of intense therapy, AlAnon meetings, and nonstop work on my mental and emotional state. When we are so wrapped up in the emotions and confusion of a breakup, it is hard to think straight and heal. 🙏
…but I do promise she is comparing this new guy to you every day. Every time he disappoints her or doesn’t live up to what you offered her, she is thinking of you. 🙏
