264. Right Person. Wrong Time? (The Love Chat) 

Hello Friends - my link to get mental health counseling through "BetterHelp" is live: betterhelp.com/rory If you are looking to try mental health counseling but don't have insurance, or live in a part of the world where it is harder to do then this is your chance to get the help. I'm in talks with the company to interview one of their counselors so we can hear the opinions and thoughts of what a typical session is like, their thoughts on breakups and reconciliation with an EX, and much more. BetterHelp only employs licensed mental health professionals (State & board certified)! I am sponsored by BetterHelp - seems like a win-win.

I think the answer to "Right person, wrong time?" can only be answered in hindsight. If your ex never comes back, then obviously they weren't the right person. If they do choose to come back to you, and they got themself in order while they were away from you, then they may have been the right person at the wrong time. You will have no idea unless the do come back, so default to assuming that they are not coming back and... WORK. ON. YOURSELF.

7 months after being broken up, I realized that there are circumstances that we really have no control over. We just have to focus on what we can control (as the stoics would say) and do our best for ourselves and for a relationship if we are in one. But you really can't control your partner's decisions. You can influence them, you can guide them, but you can't make them do something you want unless they're willing to

Maybe is the wrong person at right time. Because she/he was meant to be the one who taught you a lesson that can make you find the right person. I miss my ex so much (two weeks of nc) but Im embracing this process to grow as a person, even if she doesn't come back... Just like Rory says, focus on what is under you control. Stay strong, you're not alone!

This = right video, right time. Thanks Rory, you're doing so much and you don't even know ❤️

You're absolutely right, Rory. I don't believe in "right person, wrong time," either. If they're really the right person, there is no wrong time. This belief gives false hopes.

Right person at the wrong time is a wrong person...

If it helps some of you, no contact worked on my ex two times, the second time I couldn’t be bothered to play games anymore

Wrong person, right time... wrong on me for not seeing it in the first place. The Red Flags were there, I just refused to acknowledge them. And now I pay the price with a fractured heart.

I used to believe in that. My most recent ex. Honestly it just resulted in her trying to fit me into a box of who I was years ago than who I actually was today and made no effort in actually getting to know me. It’s unfortunate as we had SO much in common. Looking back she wasn’t at all ready for the relationship and has a LOT of work she needs to do on herself that I’m not sure she even realizes. I’m moving forward, it’s unfortunate as I truly loved her with my soul. It really feels like a wasted opportunity after knowing each other so long and our connection we’ve had for that time.

"Stop chasing happiness and start creating it." Sums up everything so well in one sentence :). I think my ex was the right person for the right time to help me grow where I needed to grow, but she isn't the right person any longer. Great video :).

I have a long distance ex, and I can whole heartedly say that she is the right person but wrong time. This isn’t something I like to cling onto but it’s more of a sentiment that’s buried within the subconscious. Long distance relationships don’t work unless there’s a set time where you close off the distance. However in my situation that’s out of our control as I’m still studying in England whereas she is studying in Scotland. My friends, don’t beat yourself up for feeling this way, it’s a natural feeling just as Rory said. But it’s what we do with our time and how we take on these lessons is what will define our future. You can sit and wallow about what-if’s (making you less attractive in the long-run if you were to meet up with your ex again) or you can work on being the best version of you (which would make you more attractive in the long-run if you rekindle with your ex or meet somebody better) - Let things fall into place NATURALLY, like how life’s supposed to, because no matter the outcome, you will be happy

7:50 "Sometimes, what you're really doing when you ask questions like 'right person, wrong time' is just looking for ways to hold onto your ex. Even though, deep down, maybe you know you shouldn't hold onto this person. Maybe, you know that they came into your life to teach you a lesson and your life is going to be fantastic once you *fully embrace and learn that lesson*." Reminds me of the analysis when DG reviewed 500 Days of Summer. Essentially, there is no Autumn without Summer. I'm going through this right now. Embracing the lesson, being happy it happened, and realizing the reality of why we didn't work out. Boy I really thought she'd be the one I'll marry. But maybe the next one will just be better than I imagined/thought, because I'll not be starting over, or from nothing, but rather with experience & lessons.

I like this. I've never giving 2nd chances in my life. Sometimes I wonder should I. This confirms it. I've always since I was 16 years old wanted to be a good person and become better. I've been hurt so many times as a good person..I never once thought to hurt anyone. I think two right people belong together. Why is it we have intentions to fight and work on ourselves and the other person don't. You deserve someone who is willing to fight and do the work like you.

Hi Rory! I just wanted to say thank you for being straight-forward and honest! I'm only 23 and a month ago I thought I was with the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. But this pandemic happened, and he had to go back to his home (Aus).. for weeks after the break up there were times where I would cry and ask myself why he had to dumped me when things were going so well between us. I was caring and supportive towards him. I was willing to compromise and be patient with him.. I guess you are right sometimes even when we do everything at our best, it wouldn't guarantee us a happy ending. So instead of hoping that he'll come back, I am slowly focusing on the things that I have control over like spending more time with my family and friends, learning Norwegian and binge watching Netflix.. it's very difficult to be in this situation during a pandemic but I am truly grateful that you exists and I was able to find you at the right time! 😊 When he left I started searching for a good RU-vid channel that can help me cope with my heartbreak and I found you and a few good coaches. I am in debt of youand I hope you'll keep doing this 🧡 and stay safe 😊

When you have truly moved on and secure and in control of your emotions and anxiety ... and you hold no hope of your ex reaching out ..... ONLY then you can visit the idea of Right person wrong time ... Im in that position now .... i smile and i am thankful for the nice memories ... who knows if our paths may cross in the future .....

This is what she told me during our breakup talk. It gave me a lot of false hope but we havent spoken in 8 months and I'm moving on and it feels good!! Thanks Rory, you're truly amazing and keep up the quality content!!! Stay safe!!

Perfectly correct and succinct explanation; you are wise.

Gonna have to put this one on loop for a couple weeks or a month. Feels like finally giving up this mentality that they may come back, and the seemingly constant stream of intrusive thoughts about it is the final piece to finding my own peace.

I think the only right person at ANY time is ME!! 🍒

Thank you for this! My ex told me that although we have an intense connection, our situations (kid related) made our future unknown. So he broke up with me. I’ve held onto the hope that in the future, when things are different, he’ll come back. Your message is what I needed to hear. If he’d been the right one, he would have stayed.

Shit I've started dating Rory, I'm back for new reasons! Aaaargh 🤷‍♀️😂 It's amazing how different I feel now after everything you've taught xx

Great answers. No matter how you look at it. Great answers. We all have to move on regardless. I have forgiven him but not what he done. Was all wrong. Especially since I knew him for 9 yrs. He could have Told me what he wanted. No more bread crumbs for me. Thank you.

Been listening for over a year.. been in no contact for that long with ex fiance. I'm living this literally right now this week. Did a ton of work on myself to be the right person to meet the right person at the right time. Met someone amazing this week, and saw my ex this week also for only the second time since the break up...I was ok seeing my ex because of the new person.....thanks Rory for all you out out there...

My ex-fiance told me this the last time she reached out to me... Trying not to get caught up by that, but I'm human. Just focus on yourself, things will work out for the best, even when it doesn't feel like it.

it's all about you, controling your life and taking responsibilities.

For a very long time I thought my ex was "the right person at the wrong time" as well. For 2 years, everything was just fine and we even began planing our future together. But unfortunately he had to join military service in his home country. While being there, his personality changed in a very negative way to the point where I hardly recognized him anymore. Today, 10 months after our break-up and of NC, I know he was definitely NOT the right person for me. But he was the lesson I needed to learn when it comes to setting healthy boundaries and what I want and expect from a good partner. So, in some way, he was "the right person" karmically but not romantically!

so perfectly said, most of the case it's the wrong person and the wrong time and we just don't want to believe it.

Sometimes you can commit no mistakes and still lose. That's not weakness, that's life. It hits me hard.

Banking your happiness on a maybe... Love it. Thanks Rory! I know you’re a Picard fan and I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure the phrase "Sometimes you can commit no mistake and still loose" actually comes from Spock. It’s a chess reference. I just can’t find the episode (I tried). Picard also said it, but as a wink to the first series.

I was having a bad day, and then DG posted a new video and now you! Thank you so much

I believe the right person at the wrong time is the wrong person

Maybe under normal circumstances I'd agree with wrong person wrong time.. but everything just came together to sabotage this relationship before it had a chance.. pandemic, long distance.. But it doesn't matter unless she decides to do something to fix it. Truth is I'd like to move on and reach that stage of acceptance but it's not happening until in a few months when I have that certainty that she won't reach out.

“Right person at the wrong time” is definitely a false hypothesis that no one should engage and go down this rabbit hole. I hope everyone could be in peace with the idea of obtaining happiness loving themselves first before extend that love to anyone else.

"If this wasn't meant for me, why does it hurt so much? And if you're not made for me why did we fall in love?" -- this video brings these lyrics to my mind and I've thought about it a lot during my healing process. If you look closely, it was a lesson. Sometimes we learn the bad things through our favorite people. Sometimes we have to let go. I don't know if the right time will bring them back again, but even if it does, will it be the same? For myself, I doubt it. Good luck everyone

Rory, thank you SO much for this video!! I hadn't thought about this as part of the bargaining stage. I thought instead that I was being considerate to both he and I by putting everything that's gone wrong, down to circumstances. I have been going around in circles with this one question, this one question stopping me from letting go and moving on. Holding on to "But what if....things had been different". By different, we really mean 'better'. What if I wasn't grieving, he wasn't rebounding, we didn't live 600 miles apart. But they weren't. And he wasn't. And I wasn't. I've been bargaining and never knew it. THANK YOU for the wake up. It's bananas for me to consider that circumstances could be different, he could be different and I could be different and THEN it would be okay! That's a lot of things that would need to be different! If THAT much needs to change, then clearly neither of us is the right person for the other.

Right person wrong time is still a wrong person. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think in some ways this idea can give you false hope too. In my situation, it felt like this, but in truth, he still loved his ex and had a son to worry about. I ignored the red flag that while yes, we were compatible, he still had a lot going on in his personal life that I just could not fit. Poor choices were made as a result. I do believe this is possible, but the dumpee mustn’t put too much thought into it because it could close them off to new people and new experiences.

We hit it off really fast the chemistry was incredible unfortunately he has a custody hearing with his ex-wife in a couple weeks and he says life is a mess needs to work on himself well I'm no contact now his kids are high school still at home

The right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person period.

This video hit me the hardest of all of yours. Definitely needed to hear this. Thank you.

Right video...right time

Thank you so much for this, definitely feel like this is right for me at the moment! Keep it up because you have helped me more than I can say

Hey Rory, this video is spot on to me. You nailed it and it spoke to me because once again you approached this topic like other topics of yours in a realistic and practical. I find this video is realistic and practical. I am willing to swallow more tough pills like this if it's the right medication and vitamin and supplements to process. I am improving lately on embracing change.

Thanks, Rory. Insightful and helpful, as always.

I reckon if Chad or Brad would show up for her at the wrong time, suddenly, miraculously, its the right time 🤨

Just discovered your chanel and I'm subscirbing. Thank you so much, your videos are great and are helpping me so much right now I haven't checked yet, but could you do a video about breaking up during quarentine?

Still struggling after six months of break up. He dumped me because of his anxiety 😭

OMG Rory you and the recent topics make me want to get into a respectable debate. What if the person was a high school sweetheart? How does that tie into the topic?

rory what if by doing no contact your ex thinks you've moved on and wouldn't want to speak to them so they don't bother reaching out?

Just wow!!! What a great video... I will see it again :))

It's good to talk with this person after some time to see if he/she is actually a right person at the wrong time. In my case maybe it really is. But I heard it from him. He said he loves me but he has to go to therapy first. It's hard with a depressed person who is trying to push everyone away to „protect them”. He asked if he will be better and came to my country then would I want to try again ofc if Im gonna be single. I don’t close myself to new relationships, but neither do I for my ex. It’s only up to him whether he actually does something. And will it be the right time 😉

So true. Thanks buddy

This is what an ex said to me after breaking up with me after 4 years...

Great explanation

Happened to me.. Let's see.. In August I gonna meet my ex. We've dated from 2012-2014 ne he loved me to the moon n back.. But I wasn't ready.

I'm in no contact I met a woman who was separated from her husband. For 3 & half years he did not touch or talk too her, so she kicked him out. We start dating & he came back they were married for 25 years with children. I think its hopeless we had everything. Right person wrong time.

You are the best coach!

Next topic : friend with benefit with ex, good idea?

Great, Thank you! 🙏🏼

Me and my ex had a good chemistry, we clicked. but unfortunately, things doesn't work out. Loss of attraction maybe.

If you walk away from someone who was playing you. Do you really get your power back. Do they really look back at you and say waw they have a lot f self respect !

This is my situation. It was my ex of 10yrs's best friend. We hung out 1yr after the break up after a few weeka, he decided he should to let my ex know we like each other- my ex was furious... To the point his best friend decided maybe we could just be Friend's with Ben's instead. ...i said no.. And now it's over. 🙁 ....this was end of August 2020.. I'm completely bummed.

Rory can you answer me this. My ex broke up with me and it’s been a month. I have been devastated and have been doing no contact. I went to Vegas to get my mind clear and took some photos. My ex blocked me on ig and Snapchat after she saw them. Then I posted a beach trip on Facebook then she deleted me. Why is she doing this if she the one that has broken up with me. I haven’t messaged her or anything. I am beyond confused

Planning on a live stream this week?

Thanks so much Rory.

In other words, the right person at the wrong time IS the wrong person

If you're the right person at the wrong time, it's because you're the wrong person to begin with. 🤔

Man..I feel so weird..my ex is contacting me after 1 year,every two days but now I am crazy for another woman..

what if my ex told me we were quite a match but wrong timing? (after we meet 1.5months later in NC since we planned this meeting due to some finances settlement )

YESSSS..... Thank you so much

Damn! I was wondering why i haven't seen a video from thic chanel for ages. I just discovered that i'm somehow unsubscribed... YT is really getting weird. And i feel like i met my person more under wrong circumstances... ldr sucks

Wrong time because of the coronavirus 😕

So my gf broke up with me because she has alot on her mind an has no time for affection. How do I deal with moving on when ik she's the one I feel it in my soul

I need help! So this girl was crazy over me in the beginning when we started dating, she couldn’t leave me alone and even wanted to have my kid before we even get to talk about family. And we been only dating for like 4 months. She bought me clothes, make food, give me massages and she loves my D. Not to brag it’s like she’s obsessed with my D idk. I wasn’t ready to take things that far. She told me about her last relationship and she said she always gets bored with all her previous ex after certain period of time. This 4th of July will be our first year but last month she told me she don’t love me anymore. She ask to stop everything and I said well, love sometimes fade away so I will give you time to go spend times with your friends and be yourself. She basically dump me. I ask her if we can slowly fix this, she said up to you so I was open to putting effort, but I still give her space and time. But we still see other like twice a week or once but this time she’s so disrespectful, everything she do annoys me now. I tried talking and she would just ignored and change completely different subjects. So yesterday I finally said, if you don’t want to love me and don’t want to put effort into this relationship, I’m letting you go, well she already let me go so I was just the only one trying by myself to fix it. I told her, I’m letting you go, let me know if you change your mind. She said I will. That was it. Since that I don’t text her or call her. But she keeps calling me now, I haven’t answer her and she texted me saying “hello” I didn’t respond to it. She’s calling me as I type this smh. So what should I do? Should keep NC or remind her that she can only contact me only if she wants to to fix the relationship. Please help! Thanks Rory for all your video been watching them.

She did ask me why I didn’t came into her life 2 years ago or later in the future I was very confused and still soon I know she end move into a relationship after 3 moths of dating still wanted to be friend??? My lord can you answer this? Thx

my ex sent me a clean slate message (apologizing for breaking up and being thankful) after 3 months of breaking up idk if i should respond but he said i don't need to reply. should i respond?

Hi Rory! Its me again. Just have a question its been a year now since me and my ex broke up. She cheated on me but then she’s the one who hated my so much after I become a better person after the breakup. Why is that so?

Amen 🙏🏽

Thank you, Rory! Please could you do a video about dreaming about your ex. I think I am moving on and then I dream about them and it takes me back again to the day of breakup. Doing no contact and it’s helping me. 💕

💕💕💕

First!!!

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Can I get my ex back if I was a rebound?

1:47 hahahahahahahhaa