Me thinketh yep imagine a husband bailing out on., providing for his family. Sorry honey I don't., feel like going to work today, this week, this........year!@!?😉🤪😁😁
Ohhh,the wife want sex. Only not with her husband. She has Chad or Tyrone on the side for that while her ignorant husband is working to death for the family. That is the harsh reality it many marriages today sadly
@@thesandero2454 I didn't find out my ex wife was being plowed by practically everyone but me for 17 years. I'm just glad I didn't catch anything from that 304
I went in for a kiss and my wife told me, god why do you have to be so needy. Stop being needy, be a man. That one hurt and that is when I realized it was time to finally let go and understand that the woman I dated and married was gone, and I needed to mourn that loss (five states of grief) and find happiness again in myself. I am pretty happy again.
@@aaronmoney7565Overheard before I began to consider any type of commitment. "All that fussing and fiddling about" ......Escaped from that one just on time. Suggest you do likewise......
@@MrJujitsu62 And l would add: Even if you marry a woman, never move into her apartment. When you divorce, you get stuck with nothing when you leave. That is how it works here in Norway.
Avoiding what leads to sex. Is basically saying you want to live your life to not turn on your husband. You want to make yourself unattractive to your husband. This is disgusting. I lived with it. It’s terrible. It’s not avoiding sex. It’s avoiding being a woman for your man.Don’t separate it. It’s intentionally being ugly.
It's laziness. Women whine when men don't try at being romantic, while refusing to continue to be attractive and sexual. Women are the biggest hypocrites!
I’ve been divorced for at least 7 years and everything is so much simpler and less frustrating. I appreciate Karen putting this good advice out there, but her describing all the emotional turmoil a woman has just reinforces that I don’t want it in my life again. Best of luck to those of you who want to try again.
I was married for 15 years , been divorced 4 years now. In my marriage I witnessed a 5 year old little girl in an adult female body of 40 years old, throwing tantrum’s if her way was dislike or disagreed with. I totally agree with you.
I had a passion for music which became my career. My friends grew out of it and got married, I never ever did. They got older and made money and I was always broke ass. Now they're all divorced and broke ass but put up with 30 years of shit.
Seeing your videos and reading the comments makes me really sad… but now I understand my father when he told me once, in tears, man to man, that I didn’t know what it was like to live without affection from your spouse for 30 years, not one hug, one kiss, intimacy… the same father who was always strong and stoic, tearing up because lack of affection…
Philip it's not what you signed up for, and believe it or not you do not have to stay in that marriage according to the Scriptures. It took me years to realize this and I was a pastor
@@red23learning the long and the short of it is that scripture takes a very high view of marriage and in general there should not be any divorce. However under the law of Moses provision was made for divorce because we live in a fallen and broken world. This was a legal safety valve of sorts to keep Men and Women from being stuck in abusive or untenable situations. Jesus reiterated the very high view and original heart of God on the matter "No Divorce" yet He did not remove the safety valve or really address it at all. A large portion of the church has misunderstood Jesus's teaching and uses it to guilt and shame individuals to remain committed to a marriage in which they are being consistently neglected or even abused. I have done a thorough study of scripture and I am going to be publishing a book on this very topic. One of my goals is to also start a RU-vid channel like Karen's but broader from a conservative Christian perspective.
@@red23learning the long and the short of it is that Jesus is holding up a high view of marriage in Matthew chapter 5 he is not teaching a blanket prohibition against divorce. All Jewish people understood that when you took marriage vows you were agreeing to three things. 1. Providing for the physical needs of the spouse. 2. Providing for the emotional needs of the spouse (companionship and fidelity) 3. Providing for the sexual needs of the spouse. (Availability and exclusivity). To fail to meet any one of these needs repeatedly and unapologetically was clear grounds for divorce. Jesus knew this and so did his audience. He was making a basic statement upholding a high view of marriage and addressing a specific rabbinical squabble where one side basically believed in divorce for any old reason at all and the other took a much more conservative approach in interpreting the passage in question from the book of Deuteronomy. Jesus sided with the conservative understanding but also took the opportunity to reiterate that God's original plan from the beginning was that no one would divorce their spouse. He says in the same passage that one cannot be angry with their brother without cause without committing murder in their heart and that you shouldn't have to vow vows to be honest as well as a number of other things along these lines. He's not saying you can never be angry, take a vow, or divorce. He is raising the conversation to the ethic behind the ethics. A very Jewish rabbi like thing to do. Chronic neglect or abuse of a spouse including the withdrawal of sexual intimacy is legit and proper grounds for legal divorce. The spouse who has withdrawn sex or continues to neglect or abuse in other ways unrepentantly and unapologetically has already essentially divorced by breaking the marriage vows. Hence the phrase hardness of hearts.
@@alohaohana901No it's not! Some women may be but not all. Leave your relationship as soon as you can, there are millions of loving, caring women out there who would appreciate you and love you. You only have one life.
Love you brother. Just a word of advice. Don't use your real name or she may use what you write against you. Stay strong King. You WILL make it through. Blessings.
I hope women will seriously consider this message. I’m one of the good men who had an affair. After 15 years of a sexless marriage (in addition to being overly criticized) my marriage ended in an affair. Women, if you won’t treat your husband well (including being physically intimate), someone else will. I was faithful for 15 years and had opportunities to be with other women and turned them down. I came to see my wife’s refusal to have sex as another type of infidelity (she also told me she would be fine if she never had sex again). Eventually a woman came into my life who lifted me up and WANTED to have sex. On one hand, I regret my new relationship starting as an affair. On the other, it was an obvious outcome of 15 years of increasing rejection. It makes me wonder what my ex expected.
This is my story. I am at the point of stepping out and I am afraid. Frozen and it’s soul crushing. 20 years, 15 being sexless. Have a 14 yr old. Do I stay for the kid? Any suggestions on how to proceed?
@@trialnsuffering9731 An affair is really the wrong way to go about it. My regrets are not standing up for myself years before the affair. I knew if I did, it would likely lead to the end of the marriage. My upbringing led me to believe that, aside from an affair, a divorce was the worst possible thing I could do. And yet, I ended up engaging in an affair! I never thought I could be the kind of guy who did that, right up until I did it. In hindsight, the divorce was inevitable. At least 10 of the 15 years of my marriage qualified as sexless (less than 10 times a year) and the first 5 would only barely beat that mark. That was not what I signed up for, but she eventually made it clear she had no desire to change. I felt used. It would have been better to leave at least 10 years earlier when I knew there was no real hope for change. Actually, my biggest mistake was ignoring the red flags before we even married, but I didn’t value myself think I could do better. If you have kids, that complicates your decision. I lost my daughter. I gained a new wife and we now have 3 boys, but I miss my daughter every day. My life now is great, yet I still have loss over my daughter (thanks to the corrupt family courts where I live). Check out Karyn’s video Should I Get a Divorce: A Decision Model for Good Men. That may help you put things in perspective. You can either live with a sexless marriage or stand up for yourself. In my case, the affair was really an excuse to leave. It was an escape hatch. There were better ways to do it. I should have stood up for myself and given her the choice of holding up her side of the bargain or leaving. In reality, she made it clear she had no desire to change. I knew what that meant and stayed in a bad marriage until I found something better. That really made the divorce much worse. I hope your marriage is salvageable. You have some hard choices to make. You deserve a complete marriage. You will have to decide if you are going to hold her accountable, and also take a good look inside to make sure you are holding up your obligations as well. If nothing changes, are you will to live like that for the next 20 or 30 years? Either way, leave or stay, but do one or the other instead of an affair. No one will care that she was not faithful on her side if you choose an affair. You will have to make peace with whichever decision you make. It will be easier to find that peace without an affair. Warning: you will always be seen as the bad guy by your friends and family if you go the affair route. My parents and brother forgave me (they know how she treated me). I lost all but 2 of my friends, but I knew that would be the price for leaving a narcissist. I wish you the best. I truly understand what you are going through and how you are feeling.
Your marriage was already over. It wasn’t an affair. You just had a government contract on your back and you were in ability to leave because of it. Never feel guilty she wrecked your marriage.
Yup, after decades of non-stop rejection, you do finally reach a point where you no longer care about doing anything for a withholding spouse. In fact, you reach a point where you resent being asked to do anything for them!!!
If women say they’re perfectly fine with never having sex with their husband again they should be perfectly fine with her husband having sex with another woman. It’s that simple.
The issue isn't that the relationship ended, the issue is we are left to feel it was something we did wrong, didn't do well enough, while knowing we did the best we could.
It's frightening to think that most wives would be perfectly happy with not having sex with their husbands. It makes you wonder if women are even capable of love.
They aren’t their love changes with their emotions. And their emotions change frequently they can love you today and hate you by the end of the day and love you again as long as their mood tells them they are happy. They will abandon their husbands and kids for their own happiness. A husband in most cases loves unconditionally and he will put himself last. Women are not capable of real love they can only survive.
I could agree to this. Until the day I told her I was gone. Then she opened her eyes of what her life would be like without me. And everything has been amazing since that day. I went off during the argument asking a bunch of questions she never thought of.
My wife had several responses, one being that she didn't like sex anymore, she then proceeded to have an affair, another excuse was basically denial. She said " What do you mean, we have sex, look, we have 4 kids.".
Karen, I’ve been following you for a while, and your talks have been very encouraging. I had no idea how unjust I was treating my husband. I really didn’t. I’m a Christian, and I always keep in mind that the devil’s main target is to destroy the family, and what better way of doing that than blinding and deceiving women. It’s been happening since the fall of man in the beginning. You are shining light on a lot of dark areas in terms of marriage, and it’s about time that this is exposed in order for true change to happen. Keep it up! God bless you and know of my prayers for you.
My wife stopped having sex with me for years and then started to be in a relationship with her workplace friend. My wife then left me. I see a professional now and it’s much cheaper and better for me.
@@spiritmatrix2004 isn’t it funny how her decision becomes an agreement in the eyes of the law? My ex worked until she was pregnant and getting sick all the time (so basically a few months), then she and her family all badgered me into agreeing that it was better she was a stay at home mom. For 10 years everything she was responsible for just went downhill. I would try to talk to her about her getting a job, but she only wanted to be a babysitter (no one was paying her to watch their kids but me apparently).
While I certainly do not condone cheating, I do feel sorry for any husband whose wife has shut down to sex. No man enters a marriage and vows to “forsake all others” and be monogamous for the rest of his life, only to be forced into a life of celibacy by his wife. I’m glad you’re here to try and enlighten men & women about the severity of this problem for both partners.
It's much simpler if you separate the concepts of legal marriage from covenant marriage. A woman who denies her husband regular sex has already broken the covenant. The marriage is over. What remains is a legal contract with the state where only the man is responsible for his terms of the contract. Cheating in a sexless marriage is not cheating because the covenant has already been broken. It's just a man trying not to loose everything.
Wife here… because children and pets are helpless. They need guidance and protection. A husband is a grown man that can figure things out without being told step by step.
Following your logic, once a child is no longer helpless they no longer need the mother and the mother is free of responsibilities, a pet just needs fed, watered, and sheltered, and a wife has no needs from her husband. If a women have no needs from a man, and a man has no needs from a woman, then in your world marriage has no purpose and men and women are the same. Interesting concept…….doesn’t match reality…..but interesting.
Thanks Karyn. You helped me to realize that my marriage ended 6 years ago. I had to grieve the loss because she had checked out in 2018 and was the victim. So sad.
I know its a cliche thing, the *_"men only want 1 thing, and its disgusting!"_* because this phrase takes something that is beautiful, and attempts to make it ugly. But there is a nugget of truth in it. And I choose to see it as something beautiful, let me explain. When wives feel loved by their husbands, they can tell you why they feel loved and what makes them feel loved. Being taken care of, feeling seen, feeling heard. To feel that this person feels a duty to take care of me and wants to take care of me. There are many things, but what if you felt seen and felt heard, but your husband didn't protect you? What if your husband didn't provide for you? He loves you and appreciates your cooking and praises your mind and body, but he doesn't make any money at all, doesn't even try to, and runs away when you two are threatened? It doesn't really matter if he sees you and hears you, respects and praises you, if he neither protects nor provides for you, you don't really get anything out of having him as your "husband". That is like the definition of a husband *_not showing up_* . Conversely, sex really is that important keystone issue of importance for us. Call it disgusting all you want, that isn't your decision to make, and it doesn't matter anyways. If its true, then its true. The truth doesn't care if you approve of it or not. All you get to decide is what to do after you recognize the truth. You can show up to your husband in your marriage in enumerable ways, but sex is the keystone. You can fail to show up in your marriage in all of the various ways, but if you are there for your husband intimately and frequently, that is by far the most important expression of love that is important to us. Without it, husband will drift away from wife. No amount of finger-wagging or brow-beating can change this truth. *It is the bedrock of a strong marriage, and it is beautiful*
Sex is only beautiful when the pleasure is reciprocated with pleasure, not just with materialistic provisions. If you treat sex as transactional as in "he provides and she gives sex" than you're treating her as nothing more than a glorified prostitute and that sex is UGLY. Sex can be beautiful but it can also be terribly DEGRADING. It's all in the approach. If you approach her demanding pleasure while overlooking her rights for that same erotic pleasure than such a husband is not really presenting sex in a beautiful and loving way but as a demanding and selfish way.
Sex can be beautiful or it can be degrading. It all depends on the approach. If you treat it as transactional, which you are, than you are treating her as nothing more than a GLORIFIED PROSTITUTE and that sex is UGLY. Beautiful sex is when the husband also is taking an active part in giving her erotic pleasure too, not just taking pleasure for himself.
I just cannot even begin to fathom how you can be married to someone and supposedly in love with them and have no desire for them whatsoever. How is this even possible?
I’ve asked mine and she either doesn’t seem to know, or the truth is too difficult for her to even think about it, let alone admit it. Basically marriage is not worth it anymore and the sooner men realise this, the better. I’m trying to teach my son not to make the same mistake I did, without insulting his mother too much.
Can't wait to spam the other women I know. They think I'm a broken nymphomaniac or something. LOL I'm just so into my husband and what we do for each other. I did have a few more experiences with sex than most people in my youth. The only man I have eyes for or want my body to connect with is my husband. He is my everything. I don't understand why women think of sex as a burden. It's the greatest gift on the planet my husband gives me. Even after 15 years, the only thing that amazes me is how we both think oh it can't get anymore intense or better and then it does!!! Ladies, you don't know what you are missing by not learning to seek his touch for both of your pleasures. It's so intense, the more you do it. The more intense it gets for both of you. 😅😂😊
Agreed. I have to work with people. Decades of watching and listening to husbands and wives. Always wondered what their private life was like. Now with social media I can see inside. The number one thing I noticed was masculine women telling their husband's what to do. Leading him like a child. I believe these women are the ones who told him no sex. A man cannot be led. He is the leader. Masculine women and yes dear men is what this is all about.
I agree, but my sympathies goes to BOTH parties. Many of those comments were made by wives that have never experienced good sex, I feel sorry for her. That is not her fault but it's not necessarily his either. We need to demand better sex education that is focused on improving the sexual experiences of women so that these things don't happen.
@@tarablue4472 I was good enough before marriage, almost never denied. After marriage, denied 199 out of 200 attempts. Then it became performance anxiety. Once that kicks in, performance is never like it was. I can't prove to myself it's not that, unless I perform the act. And men want active women when it comes down to it. If they lay there like a mannequin, that is not enjoyable. And how do you know those wives were experiencing bad sex?
@@Black_Dirt_Contractor By their words. Rewatch the video and listen to what (some) of the wives had to say, one or two of them actually said that they don't like it, others have said they don't care it they don't do it again. FYI, not being denied sex is NOT an indicator that it was good for her. For women to be more "active", the couple needs to do the things that actually stimulate her. Too often heterosexual sex ends up being phallocentric which is great for those with phalluses but not so great for those who don't have phalluses. The lack of foreplay is one of those ways in which heterosex is too phallocentric. We need better sex education that focuses on female pleasure to get over this as a society.
@tarablue4472 I've listened to it multiple times. I think you missed the point. Why is the sex enjoyable until marriage, but then all of a sudden, it's not good anymore? You can start using different words to describe the situation, to make your point more valid. In the end, it comes down to the fact a healthy relationship requires a healthy sexual relationship. I get it that women don't focus on it like men do. But it takes 2 to tango. You as a woman need to talk to your man, communicate what makes you truly happy. In the bedroom, and out. And don't move the goal post. But don't forget, it's not about you. It's about both of you. You can't expect the man to make you happy (he never will BTW, so forget that) first, then it's the man's turn. To me it sounds like you only give sex if every one of your demands are met first. Can he set set his own list of demands, and you'll treat it the same as you expect of him? I don't disagree with you on sexual education. But every person is different. Sometimes, actually most of the time, it comes down to communication. Ever tell your partner what gets you to climax the best or fastest? Has he ever expressed to you? Don't play mind games. Don't ever fake pleasure or pain. As a man, I want to please my woman. If she acts like something is enjoyable, I'll try to do that much more often. I don't just enjoy my climax, I enjoy her expressing her enjoyment. It's a mental reward. A sense of pride.
@@Black_Dirt_Contractor First of all, you made assumptions about me. I am not having this problem because I'm not the one whose married. This is just my analysis with HETEROSEXUAL relationships, lesbians DON'T have this problem because sex doesn't get phallocentric with lesbian sex. This is my comparison with lesbian sex. Heterosex has that tendency to be phallocentric. I picked up at the 4 minute mark of this video when the wife said "so we don't have to pretend we like sex anymore"
Got this "I am fine if I never..." last September along with "I love you but I am not in love anymore". Then it became I have no desire or libido, then it became "I never liked sex", Then it became "It is painful" - never discussed with Doctor or mentioned to OBGYN, refuses to get hormones checked less than 10 time in the last 15 years, and nothing for the last 8 (as of this coming June) - she doesn't see it as a problem.
I have watched/listened 3 times. So much information that has helped me reclaim my marriage. Thank you Karen for showing I was not the problem in my marriage. My wife and I are both grateful
and they are taught love is an emotion when in fact it is actions one does toward another See 1st Corinthians 13 for all the actions that describe how Love is to be undertaken,, you won't see emotion or feelings in the list of love's attributes.
It seems like women are really messed up in the head. The fact that a woman has to be persuaded to have sex by using some speech about how they need to sex in order to experience self love, is scary. Sex should need no explanation. It is a biological function. It is instinctual. You shouldn't need a psychiatrist to explain to you why sex is a good thing
Dude you ain’t lying. Sometimes they just look for petty stuff to instantly get upset. If they can’t find it they bring up stuff from years ago. My wife seems to start fights on days she thinks I might ask.
In my case, it is group think. The wife and her friends are all sexless in their marriages. It is the coffee club to sit around and talk about no longer "needing" sex. Then it is also the busy thing. Once the kids are out of the house you would think the flood gates would open but no, time is now consumed with busy things. Something has to fill that void of wanting to take care of someone but since the kids are gone, it now means their extended family or friends. Taking care of friends issues, family issues and so on. Keeping busy with all this running around to the point of now when the evening comes, the wife is to exhausted. No time during the day as she runs from task to task. The wife knows I will always be there hence there is no real need to take care of me as she does with her friends and family. Those relationships now take center stage. Meanwhile I am left on the bench never to play ball again. But, alas, I will be there when the trash needs taken out or the sink gets clogged.
You’re in camp victim. Time to stand up for yourself. Maybe look into Karyn’s course for men. Or not and wallow in self-pity. I’ve been there. I was in a bad marriage. I let my ex control the relationship and put up with a sexless marriage. In hindsight, I had much of the blame and didn’t understand my self worth. If I had stood up for myself, the marriage would have either been saved or it may have still ended in divorce but I would not have wasted many more years.
The following irony, God truly did throw men a curve ball when it comes to women. There is nothing in this world that is a greater challenge than to try to love, honor, and cherish a woman. The women's package is deceit, lies, deception, nothing but random self-centered emotions. Sex is the bait that sets it all in motion. There are good or better women , Karen. You are one of them, but good women are rare. Karen, Please keep up this wonderful honest work you do.
I have been using the following three letters when speaking with my son about women: DCM, which stand for Deceptive, Conniving, Manipulative. I don’t do this to engender hatred in him towards women, but to protect him from the legions of Jezebels out there.
@theoriginalDAL357 very well said, and your purpose is awesome. I wish my father could have done the same for me. My parents were old generation, much love and sex. Mom died when I was young. It was the trail of horrible step moms. My father had no clue as to the nature of women, thinking and hoping women were like the love of his life.
Yet you still refer to her as your wife. Would you keep paying an employee that never shows up to work? She’s telling you she’s quit. Stop rewarding her with a relationship.
@@susanhaines7358or not. Maybe she’s just a stupid trash bag that defrauded the guy into marriage. Let’s just call it what it is; defrauding the buyer.
If the man doesn't pay the bills, then the wife should just neglect the children, refuse to cook and clean. In other words, the wife brings her womb to the table. Her non-sexual contribution matches his non-sexual contribution so by the time the couple make it to the bedroom, they're at the break even point and the wife does not owe the husband. ALSO... You're treating sex as transactional which is degrading for her because you're treating her as your personal prostitute not your LOVER. The proper exchange for sexual pleasure is sexual pleasure. If you fail to recognize that, than it is you, not her, who is not fulfilling the vows.
She complicates life so much with her walls and requirements that she's actually able to believe our dead marriage is my fault for wanting sex but not wanting to navigate the crazy path she claims will lead to a garden of Eden of intimacy. I tried for 30 years to be gallant to chase and chase but never arrive to the promised land. I now recognize it's not about me. She makes the connection impossible on purpose. It's not me, it's her! Unbelievably frustrating that my strong desire to be loved and to love seems is wasted in my one shot at life and and one shot at marriage. I feel used and dead. A wasted life. Am I not worth loving? Isn't that why we married? Ughhh.
She nails it!!! Am absolutely blown away. I’m in my mid 50s, 3 gr8 adult married kids, I’m divorced at 30 yrs married. U nail it all in my humble experience. All through out your content but at 25 ish min in, “woman complicate sex”. So much you share defines 20 of my 30 yrs married. Wish I knew b4. Now what would I do differently if I try a relationship again???
If my husband was only willing to lend 10-15 minutes i would be unable to have sex physically... maybe my body is strange, but 15 minutes is a warm up. You may want to clarify that for the men... because the women i know would say the same. If men are led to believe they dont have to warm the lady bits up, then that could lead to more discontent in the bedroom. My husband knows what i need and is willing to meet that need gladly so maybe thats why he is fulfilled in the bedroom. The rest of what you said is true, but i disagree on average sex if fulfilling for the woman is only 15 minutes. You gotta be joking!
I feel ya. She lies there. No enthusiasm no kissing. No caressing on her end she lets me but doesn’t respond much eventually I do something right and it’s visibly good then it goes away and I’m encouraged to hurry and finish so she doesn’t get more soar and the when done as little affection as possible she’s out to pee to avoid a uti changed snd behind a screen or book no more contact but caressing my head for a bit while otherwise being ignored. Duty’s done for another week. I want more throughout. Immediately after and constantly. She feels that needyness and I feel the aloneness. We are different and in loving one another don’t get each other. We do love each other poorly. But we both feel empty and from that she feels that’s all she has to give from her resivor. But in the last years it’s changed from I need counseling to we need it. That’s progress I think!
I was in a sexless marriage. I lost my love for her. You want to lose your sex life get married. I’ll no ever Marry again. Nope just date and enjoy the love bombing stage and move on. I lived the sexless life way too long.
Glad to hear this from a woman's point of view. Read and apply lessons learned here and from The Dead Bedroom Fix by DSO and material by Corey Wayne. After six months of working on those principles including carrying more of the mental load, the load around the house (cleaning/meal planning/laundry), leading the relationship, a few getaways, hitting the gym, praying together and no more corn, I can say my relationship with my wife has never been better. More emotional and physical intimacy with both of us living in a happier house overall. God is good, All the time.
Some women are just evil, but yes I think when both parties start thinking of each other and not just their own selfish desires and needs, everything changes. I never withheld sex, but because of corn, my desire for my husband plummeted. I didn't understand why he was so broken from his childhood, which led him to his problem with corn, and I'm a woman, so it made me question everything about myself and why I wasn't good enough and what I thought he was and what we were, and it led us into a very dark time. But God is great! God can heal what is broken if we allow him to. I turned my attention from my husband back to my creator, and everything started to change! I wish more people would rely on Him and His prescription for marriage. Sometimes it's not just women being evil, or the man being evil... its we are all broken, and only God can fix it!
It is amazing how women who have zero affection for their husbands don't realize how many women are fishing for their husbands. Their actions leave the door open for other women to swipe their husbands....
My first wife (6 years) told me she wanted a divorce. I later found out she had been cheating on me while I was deployed for Desert Shield. I got back and got out of the AF to try to make a more stable home. After another year she announced she wanted a divorce. She had a new boyfriend (who she later married LOL). She told me that I was a good husband. I was so confused and hurt. When we were divorced she told me she missed being married! I lost alot of stuff and money and plans etc and I hate to say I lost alot of sympathy for women in general. I hope she gets what she deserves wherever she is. Good riddance. Once I recovered I was hell to women and it was better for me.
This video is so factual that it's mind-blowing. Praying my wife will become unblinded to acknowledge the 100% truth. I miss my best friend. It's painful not only for what it's doing to our marriage and our family, but even more so that I'm watching her slowly self-destruct. It's heart-breaking knowing how wonderful our life could be, if she could see this.
I appreciate your honesty. Usually divorce attorney see this at the latest year 8 to 10 of the marriage. After the woman shuts down she the gas lighting and defamation of you begins.. The the judge or magistrate attacks you.. you might as well be swimming with alligators.
Started listening and within the introduction i heard the familiar line "your my best friend and having sex with you is just a turn off". Then later on comment was made about no sex then no other intimacy, hugs, cuddling, hand holding etc this is my own relationship and so frustrating and hard dealing with the rejection that goes with any advance i make. Thanks for the this latest video and confirmation that it's not just me this happens to.
I hadn’t tuned in for a few weeks now. I must admit that my general mood had lowered over those weeks. Now listening again to your show I feel much better and I realised why. I needed to remember the reasons for my wife’s behaviour. Karen, your show has been a huge help and a source of inspiration. May God bless you to keep up the great work.
My wife cut off sex years ago, it was a medical issue but eventually it was just easier never having sex with me again. I had to go through the five stages of grief and loss, now I am not ok with it but I am not going to beg for something she has no interest in giving freely. It is stupid, and as for the leave and find someone else or find a side piece is no option because if you think the next woman won't do it too you a smoking too much stuff.
Bad advice. After 15 years of a sexless marriage, I found another woman who appreciates me. Twelve years later, my 2nd wife respects me, shows me gratitude, and understands the importance of sex. I didn’t repeat my mistake of ignoring red flags. I’m happier than I have ever been, but it would never have been this way if I allowed myself to be resentful of all women because I chose poorly the first time.
I have seen my Mom do this to my Dad. When they were young before 40's she told me she always accommodated him whenever he wanted. But then something changed and it ended. I've watched him be such a great husband through it, taking his wedding vows as a covenant and I respect him for it. However, I do not want that for my husband. I am trying very hard to learn how important sex is for a husband and unlearn the unhealthy beliefs I developed about men and sex. Years ago I remember listening to a woman on the radio, she said you (women) might be tired or not feeling it, but if you just start engaging with your husband you will almost always find you enjoy it so just do it. Great advice
Wow ! You are seriously a "No Fluff" therapist! I think you are as thorough as you are realistic. I really apprecite you and your channel. I have learned alot about my relationship and more about myself.
Thank you for your series of presentations on sex / lack of sex & the causes in marriage I am 85 years old & have had 2 wives & 1 long term partner. I continue to experience love & sexual relations with my first wife when not married or in a relationship. I experienced 15 years of a sexless marriage with my second wife & when my long term partner after 10 years said that we had a mature relationship & no longer needed sex, I left sadly, the relationship. I hope through your efforts couples will realize that sex is an interval part of love. All of the women that refused a physical relationship demanded that I support them despite their lack of physical comfort, the only partner that continues to offer me (& her) physical comfort requires nothing from me except love. This is a lesson too late learned.
False. Frankly, that is a foolish conclusion. I was in a sexless marriage for 15 years. I could be bitter, blame her, and swear off women. Instead, I acknowledged my blame for not understanding my self-worth and not standing up for myself. I the. worked to make sure I didn’t repeat my past mistake of ignoring red flags. Now I’m with a woman who shows appreciation, gratitude, and understands the importance of sex. My 2nd marriage has a completely different dynamic as well. I’m the leader in the relationship while loving and honoring her. We are social creatures who are made for relationships. Nothing can replace a healthy marriage. As Karyn says, pick a camp. You can live alone and bitter in camp victim, or be healthy in camp responsibility.
SEX? I dated a woman in my mid-life (a friend from High School) who I knew to be a decent woman. For her sex was at best a chore and preferably avoided. She is simply not cut out to be a mate and life partner. Rather than become a "wandering" husband I eventually went my way. She is now 71 years old, she was never married (no surprise) has no children or grandchildren to share with, and has no husband to complain about. IMHO: A very sad tale.
Men need to find women who know what commitment, obligations, accountability and selfless love are. Vows are not poetry they are meant to be fulfilled and taken seriously. Screen potential marriage mates for these qualities and undertake due diligence in proving who they really are by their actions.
"Men need to find women who..." JUST DO BETTER, BRO The problem is women feel free to present themselves as one person and then drop the mask after men are legally locked. You can screen pre-marriage, but it doesn't mean you didn't just find a chameleon.
They havent made females who are not narcissists for some decades now, so dont expect anything and you wont be disappointed with them. You cannot expect anything but selfishness from any of them. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
So many married man I know "joke" about the lack of sex they have in front of their wives and me. Seemingly as a tactic to get their partners to realise the severity of their plight. Hiding behind a "joke" and shaming her, appears to be one of the only socially acceptable strategies. Why would any Man get married? this sounds horrible.
I think wives feel entitled to say offensive things to their husbands because they don't think there will be any consequences for what they say to us....
I just can't get over how smart you are. I know you like Dr. Laura and so do I. I have listened to her for years. But you have taken it up several notches. Your understanding of men is incredible. Keep doing what your doing, I think your helping many women live better lives not to mention their husbands.
yes marriage IS a trap - its also a construct , and a corporate contract. The healthiest relationships ive seen are ones where the partners dont get married, nor do they live together. This way both parties have their own space and they dont get tired of each other.
@@ckelly5141 the only way to keep them hot is to keep them in a position where they can be discarded without financial penalties instigated by the state..ie dont buy the ring and dont liv with them until u have researched what the implications are
When a woman says “she’d be fine if she never had sex again”, what she really means is “she’d be fine if she never had sex with YOU again”. Leave immediately.
Best to pack it in boys. When I’d bring this up with my wife she’d say such nasty things. Now…I don’t want to touch her. Workin on plan B. Got kids so got to work that out.
My wife has been reducing sex frequency for years. Now we barely touch or kiss or have any kind of affection whatsoever. I have paid for everthing for over 20 years, but over the last decade we have been intimate less and less untilnow it MIGHT happen 2 or 3 times a year. In the last 6 months... Nothing. And she had spent the ladt 15 years refusing to take care of herself, and has balloned to over 200 pounds and is just fine with that. She's said at least half of the things i have read in the comments, especially the comments about never wanting sex again.
This feels like my life. Grr im pissed off My wife says now i try to have sex once a week now. 3/4 of the sex is dead fish and is so degrading And I regret getting in bes
I would almost want my wife to tell me that she doesn't want sex anymore, rather than tell me that she thinks about it all the time, yet we are in a sexless marriage. So many questions......
Yea she is just being cruel. I rarely think about sex, because I have a responsive sex drive, but my husband is still fulfilled in thay way, because I go out of my way to make sure he is.
Wife & I use hiking as our fitness method. We hold hands as we walk except when the trail gets too narrow. More than once a person we encounter will say "how you love-birds doing". We often " find hands" as we are getting our nights sleep. The bonding & loving are so rewarding. Z
We feel it and lie to ourselves it’s not really that bad. We take up bad habits and find our selves angry a lot. We take our frustrations out on those closest and it becomes the reasons they say they don’t like us and we need to fix our selves and we do but it roots into unacceptance lack of appreciation. Or May be that’s just me. I’ve become what my wife hates She fixed me good.
32 years here and my wife’s comment was “lovemaking is a chore”. I stayed because we had a young son then, but it’s on me now because he’s now an adult. Yet here I still am living like roommates.
The article's title says the woman is perfectly fine with no sex at all. It was always a part of her "mini-max" strategy, the minimum sex at the maximum interval. Lure him in with sex, then after the rings are distributed, she starts working at shutting him down. From daily, it becomes weekly, then its every other week, followed by monthly, then quarterly, followed by semiannually, then annually, then not at all. The man is sitting there, dazed, wondering what just happened to him, as she's sitting alongside him with a big smile on her face.
This would be a great reason why sex should be taken out of dating. Men would have to choose a woman foe who she is .. a lot of men would choose differently If there were other things besides sex as a decision maker
@@susanhaines7358Honestly great point! That does mean they both need to be virgins at their weddingnights though, because otherwise one would have a skewed experience and a missing desire
@@dragoneyr1632 that is a recipe for disaster - 2 people without a clue about what to do , what they each like & how to do .... would you buy an expensive vehicle without a serious test drive especially if it was the only one you could ever have by law?
Yes - exactly! twice a day sometimes - average pf 3-5 times a week while dating and engaged, settled into twice a week for the first 4 years and then we adopted 3 children (and a sibling 4 years later) and it became once a month, once every 3-4 months, once a year, once every year and a half for about 7 years, and now nothing for almost 8. Seemed to very much coincide with being trapped and the only option would have been thousands every month in child support. We are going to marriage / sex therapy - but she is now so deep into Perimenopause and menopause stages - she is just kicking the can down the road. She is numbed out and has communicated this - she simply has lost her sense of self, and with the hormone deficiencies and fluctuations - she simply doesn't want to do anything about it.
@@melkerner when I was finally able to breathe and take a break from everything I recovered. Us women are so masculine we think we can do it all....we cannot. We need to be the women. I think women finally are seeing this and we would never think that we put to much on our plate we think the other half is not doing enough.
My wife has told me everything under the sun why we don’t have sex anymore. It’s always my fault. I’ve pretty much paid for just about everything since I’ve known her. I’m 46 and she is 48. We’ve been together since February of 1998. Four beautiful kids and a nice home. Nothing but stress and misery from the time I walk in the door after a 12-14 hour day while she hasn’t worked since Covid. She took a week long trip to her best friend’s house halfway across the country in January. She hasn’t slept in the same bed with me since then. I think she has pretty much checked out of our relationship. I’ve been procrastinating the divorce for years and I suppose the time is drawing near. We have two young teenaged kids at home and she already told me that I will loose the house plus pay her. I paid the house off 4 years ago and that’s probably been her plan. Let me pay for everything expensive and then take it all from me in divorce court.
Sad,her next trip maybe you can put an AirPod in her stuff to track her, or maybe hire detective, get your ducks in a row she is planning to divorce you. Keep up a good relationship with your kids.
It’s very sad for us as men. My wife walked out of the marital home saying I emotionally abused her .All I wanted was a minute of her time once a week. She never worked and for the past year used the money she took to pay her rent.It’s crazy 😢😢😢
For a period in our marriage, my wife used sex as a drug....ahe only wanted it when it would give her pleasure to ignore what bothered her. Other times, she didnt want it because she felt bad. It became a situation in which she "couldnt get in the mood" unless she had been drinking (probably a bit too much), and then, it was as if I was not even there with her. It made me not want to even participate. It showed me that she had no desire for sex with me, but only for her own internal struggle. All the while, she was depressed, anxious, and overweight....all related to each other....and blaming me for the lacklustre sex life we had. She wanted all the compliments, the dates, the pursuit, but she put in zero effort to be attractive physically or emotionally. I broke down to a friend saying that I felt terrible to no longer be sexually attracted to her. It was partially due to he being overweight/obese for the first 10 years of our marriage (she was trim and active before we were married and had our kid). It had way more to do with the fact that she didnt like herself, and she felt terrible physically, and she no longer recieved attention from random men (she wasnt looking for the attention, but she was picking up on her greatly reduced physical attractiveness). She attributed all of it to me not caring or prioritizing her feelings... to which i always responded that it is impossible to know how she felt, and that she couldn't ever explain. I constantly asked her to prioritize making some friends, having a hobby, and taking better care ofnher health, and I NEVER told her that her weight was the issue....because I correctly guessed that the weight was a symptom of a deeper problem.
@@stevescuba1978 if depression and anxiety are self cured then why do so many people go to the doctor and seek help for it? I am 1000000% sure you are a bad husband. I feel horrible for your wife. Has she read any of these comments that you made? I would love to speak with her myself and let her know that she deserves better.
@@betsydoodle9258 you should hear what she thinks of most women. She knows my opinions, and she agrees with many of them, as does our daughter. My wife was a clinical counselor, and she agrees that the therapies for many disorders are ineffective. Most people would be better off just giving up their phones than going to therapy.
No sex or bad sex affected me in the workplace in sales. I did ok but I truly believe I would have done a lot better with a better sex life. I had 10 years of good sex and 20 years of not so good. She is a little better now but i feel like total restoration is no longer possible. I hope that I am wrong.
I actually believe you and your observation. I have a very perverted movie R rated I saw about a wife helping her husband manually in the car before a big meeting and it clicked in my head how much a wife and husband can achieve the same goal by getting the man in the right frame of mind mentally and sexually to succeed.
But 30yrs later she’s not the woman you married. They expect men to show up excited they’re finally trying or are “fixed”. Why do we labor for decades only to be rewarded with an elderly bride? Without frequent sex when she’s at her best it’s not going to restore the marriage to have it later
@@scratch57 and she doesn't have a elderly groom? Why are you on this channel? Karyn is teaching wives and here you are saying so what if they change and marriage is better they are old now.. LOL.
@@susanhaines7358 he wasn’t elderly when he was propositioning sex, but she rejected him in his prime, denying him access to HER prime. Men of all ages are not attracted to older women, but a husband can be endeared to his wife through old age because she gave him her prime. Why are YOU on this channel? You have a lot to learn about men and haven’t come here with sufficient humility.
My wife, about 20 years ago when she exited the shower nude I asked for sex…. Her response after many occasions of saying no because: she ate too much…. Because her allergies were acting up…. Because she was over stressed at work…. Because she had a medical exam the next morning and she did not want my sexual fluids in her for the doctor to see….. because she was upset that our son “A” had problems which were causing her to worry…. You pick it…. There was always an excuse……. Finally I said that it was not right that she always says no…. So she jumped on the bed turned her face away from me spread out like a starfish and said, “Fine…. Do what you want.” Whereupon I said, “that is no good” turned away and left the room. Talk about unmitigated crap!
this was the biggest complaint i had before i divorced my ex, she should have never told her (best friend ) she didn't love me i was just like a room mate to her while i was busting my ass to support my family and home..... it took 3 years for me to crack and loose my will to put off seduction.... when i lost my control i felt horrible I confessed at church and to my wife... the alleged marriage councilor suggesting Wellbutrin and laying it all on me did not help and nothing changed even after trying to get help... i gave up.... i divorced, wont ever marry again.
as a married woman of a 18 month old, the reason i can't have sex is because i had an episiotomy and the obstetrician cut a nerve in my pubic area so it's so painful!!!! don't get induced pregnant ladies, it can end very badly
I’m sorry about the results of your episiotomy. There are other things to do besides vaginal sex. Also, I would see if anyone can help with that nerve recovery.
Returning subscriber...my google account was compromised so I’ve had to come back on a different tag line. As the recipient of one of those responses at the beginning of the broadcast I just want to thank our advocate for her accurate and genuine content. I am looking forward to today’s show in hopes of understanding if it’s “time” to say I’ve had enough.
So I listened for the first few minutes at the "excuses", the "we're friends and having sex with my friend doesn't feel right".....🤦🏿♂️...where do I begin? #1. If she isn't having sex with you she's having it with someone else #2. If she doesn't find you attractive, and does not want to lay with you, just leave it's done, have the self respect to move on. #3 women desire what other women do. Keep yourself in shape, groomed, stand confidentiality, and cleanly dressed. Your mate will notice that other women are checking you out and that you *choose* to stay with her #4 keep your problems to yourself and only share with close male friends. We're the rock As for the entitlement, mental duress, loss of identity, well you can thank the modern feminist doctrine. If you're broken it's not my job to fix you. Finally, the door 🚪 is a few steps and a wrist turn away....bye bye.
I REALLY, REALLY, wish that I had never married at all. I wish that I had never touched a woman even once. What a gigantic mess my life has become because of women. It just hurts so much though because I love women. All my strength has been wasted on a few women in my life. I'm too old to fix this, so now I am just waiting to die to escape my grief filled marriage with my "roomate".
My wife said I am mad you and your not getting none. I ask her who is her designated representative to fulfill her marriage contract as I am getting dressed. She said what do you mean I said do you remember. In sickness and in health for better or worse to have and hold from this day forward until death do us part, have means sex. I want a husband to take his wife to court for breach of contract because it is a witnessed verbal contract. Now unless a Judge terminates that contract it is enforceable contract. A breach of contract is a failure, without legal excuse, to perform any promise that forms all or part of the contract
4 Elements of a Breach of Contract Claim (and more) The existence of a contract; Performance by the plaintiff or some justification for nonperformance; Failure to perform the contract by the defendant; and, Resulting damages to the plaintiff.
@@dragoneyr1632 people hav no idea that the way things are today is a deliberate ploy..the outcome is weaken the bedrock of so saiety.....strip us of our wealth and ensure we wont do the same thing again...less Wbay bheez while millions of others pour in to replaceU
@@Porkypies6m But they did not drop forsake all others. That makes her your sole source for getting some and she contracted to you. If you read the bible and you marry a Christian woman. You Just remind her the bible makes the man the head of the house hold. If she cant agree to that there is no wedding. Guys just need to man up and take charge.
She really has a good husband. He stayed through all her " closed within herself " and lack of intimacy. I would have walked out after a year of this unless there was a health issue or the mourning process of a loved one.
