*Wondering if you were in a relationship with a narcissist? Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
One thing that helped me see the truth of the reality was to take screenshots every time the narcissist devalued/used very low words to punish me for escaping the control. I took the screenshots not to be vengeful, but to protect myself from a possible smear campaign. However it helped me even better: The closure I needed was in the toxic texts, the name calling , tantrums and so on. I love your channel. Your vibe is gold
Thank you! And what you did is exactly what I recommend to clients who are in danger of romanticizing the relationship. Those screenshots will instantly take you back to the moment when they showed you exactly who they are 🙏❤️
This is so true. Also I would record how I would feel on voice memo during the abuse and listen to them when I’m feeling like I want to go back. The pain in your own voice is not something that couldn’t be negotiated with. I will never go back!
1. I need you to doubt your own memories and thoughts so I can control you 2. I only gave you so much attention at first to "hook" you. Thats all. 3. I needed to tear you down to keep you under my control and make myself feel better 4. I needed to make you feel replaceable to keep you trying hard and keep you feeling insecure. 5. I ignored you just to make you feel on edge & to punish you 6. I made promises about the future I never intended to keep only to string you along 7. I gave you the minimal attention I could 8. I only kept you around until I secured someone better 9. It was easy to walk away from you because I dont care about anyone but myself
I swear… it’s like you were a fly on my walls for 25 years. Every thing you said in this video is exactly how my ex wife was towards me. The gaslighting (lying) and just blatantly walking away during a conversation about her destructive behaviors was the worst part of it all. I didn’t mind her bringing up my destructive behaviors because I was able to own them and apologize. I learned to change and pay close attention to what was happening around me instead of just trying to get by with life.
I got pushed away from a narcist like a month ago and I was a bit in darknes till i found this youtube Channel I just couldnt belive how perfectly you describe my situation and how much you understood my problem. Thank you very much since i watch your videos I start to be positive again and I got closer to God. 3 and a half year gone just found out she had 3 fellas when she was with me. Also she was expresing her self with guy at work regulary. I dont know I dont feel anything bad anymore nothing hurts. Thank you I really appreciate ❤
JUST the video I needed. It describes my relationship with my narcissistic ex-husband who vanished completely and discarded me in April after a 12 year relationship of abuse and mental/emotional torture down to a T.
Darn it, 8/9 are valid for my most recent breakup. Thank you for helping me through my breakup. I was going crazy thinking something was wrong with me.
This channel has been my life saviour since I realized that my ex-husband was a narcissist and started educating myself on narcissism 3 years ago. It's my #1 favorite channel on RU-vid on narcissism and Christina's voice is one of the most soothing voices I have ever heard and helps a lot with my anxiety.
Once you discover undeniably narcissistic tendencies and behaviors in another individual, tough as it may be to do, avoidance is the only option. These are sick and dishonest and wicked people, and nothing good can come from trying to forge any meaningful relationship with them, IMHO. My former pastor was narcissistic and in hindsight I realize I wasted myself pursuing a relationship with that person.
After I left, someone told me that the silent treatment is really a temper tantrum. My ex was good at the silent treatment, and the last time he did it was right before I left. Horrible. It's been more than 18 months, and the memory is over-laid with the image of 5'9" and 220 lbs of middle-aged man, lying on the floor, kicking and pounding his fists, wailing that I took away his toy. I spent the entire time reminding myself I wasn’t guilty of anything, and his behavior was abusive no matter what I’d done. Now the image feels more like I'm sitting comfortably on the couch saying, "Let me know when you're done," and picking up a book.
I was used, abused, manipulated, lied to, gaslit to the point where I questioned my own sanity, lost all self worth because I believed I was a bad person for wanting to spend time with someone. However, I managed to come out stronger on the otherwise of it all. Thank you all
Thank you for speaking as the narcissist in those plain direct statements of truth. Even though I am not at the beginning of this journey in the least that really helped me. As obvious as I knew the truth of your statements, hearing you say it out loud made it real.
I’m 20 seconds in and I already know this is going to be godsend since I’ve been so angry and feel out of control because I don’t have the closure I need. Thank you.
Omg!! Each word you said, is like I was watching my 11 years of that hollow relationship live, in front of me again. I am saving this video and will watch everytime I ll ruminate over the euphoria, rather fake euphoria.
This was great! Thank you. I left my covert note after three years together and I knew I would not get closure. This was not my first. He was very good at wearing a mask. I have my closure and I know all the things he did to me and that’s good enough for me, but I did like your presentation and it made a lot of sense, thank you
I really liked how you took on the role as a translator! It's such an apt way to understand and address duplicitous behavior. Ignore words that don't match their actions, translate their actions into words reflecting the truth, and act accordingly. You are a great translator - use that microphone like it's your bully pulpit .....It's so important not to underestimate the effect of their manipulation. It can leave you doubting yourself - even when you are onto them, especially if you are inclined to give these creatures the benefit of the doubt. It's as though they operate in the wilderness and treat us as prey. There are still savages among us as a species - modern day Neanderthals disguised as evolved humans, with all due respect to Neanderthals from times past.
Thank you so much, Christina. You really shed some light on some shady aspects of being with a narcissist. You really got it when you said we get confused after the discard and that set the vulnerability for the hoover. I have recently found your channel and it's helping me tremendously.
Thank you for making these videos and making people aware of these behaviors. This is my favorite video of yours so far, it's really awesome, I keep replaying bits. Lifechaging stuff!
"I don't remember saying that. You remember everything." The love bombing was a 11 out of 10 :o I was not allowed to mention what accomplishments I had. Anything I succeeded in: "You're lucky (jealous tone)" Would be messaged 4 sessions per day, maybe 100 messages each. Then if I said something she didn't like... silence. Future faking was more like, "I want a house in the country, with bunnies and goats" in a manner that I'm required to work harder to make it happen. The bread crumbing is real. It was a lot and slowly tapered down, but it's still happening a few times a year "I'd love to see you" (ha!) Hoovering is real. Here comes that delicious love bombing again. Just be ready to abort :) lol All in all, it was a great life experience. I was so dang naive. Not any more!
My ex boyfriend is a narcissist and he makes me feel like I was the one who was in the wrong. We have been together for 5 years. I finally called him out on gaslighting me. I'm so confused and lost 😔
My ex GF with diagnosed BPD would tell me "I cry myself to sleep every night holding a pillow wishing it was you" and I simply said then how about you just ask me over then and we can do that and silence. Nothing ever happened, nothing ever planned. This was one of many many reasons I ended it fully with her and our toxic push pull cycles. not seen her in near 10 months now and she still tries to contact me and stalks me and my friends on FB etc.
Once I educated myself about npd that's all the closure I needed, the main thing is once you know what they really are👍 thanks Christina for the video and work you do 🙏
I was in a friendship with a narcissist it was a nightmare. Everyone saw what was happening and they all ignored it and said I abused him when I spoke up. He made me fell in love in him and removed all my friends from my life so that I was the only one he had. And then I woke up and said stop treating me bad. He said I was to intense and that I did not let him be with other people but It was he that was intense all the time and broke all my friendships. I am still confused and fell bad even that it is 7 months ago and he study at the same place I study so I am terrified because he manipulate others and they don’t understand. No one believes me because he is handsome, muscular and attractive also smart and acts like he is better than me everyone else.
The covert narcissist tried to make me self doubt myself last summer. I called him out on it and he stopped. He knew I knew what he is. That's when I walked away. I'm done and have been done.
They will never be your first choice....thank God!!! . It used to hurt years ago, but now I never want to be there first choice, 10yrs with a diagnosed bpd, pure hell..its over for good now , it took 3 CPS cases against her in 8 yrs to finally wake me up for good, CPS said to me " why do you keep trying to make it work with someone who is not capable , the children have to stay with you and our recomandation is to separate " I heeded the warning. She is gone and I'm healing slowly. The psychological damage is constantly before me. The longer you stay, the darker it gets. They are so vile. I finally see, just wish it didn't take 8 yrs for it, but am grateful I see. Leave now. It will never get better. Only darker..
That happened to me and I ended up leaving a good job because she was coming around the clinic we worked at (after she was asked to leave) and HR and leadership didn't want to get involved. She drove by my house and stalked my Facebook months after we broke up until I had to block her. Eventually they will move on to someone new they can control and you'll probably never hear from them again. Once they have a new person to f' with, they'll forget you ever existed. Remember these people can't form real attachments so they can't love you. Run. Block them. Get others involved and document EVERYTHING they do and say in case you need a court order to get them to go away
I cant get closure because I always question whether or not my mom is actually a narcissist. I know she is emotionally immature, and she has narcissistic tendencies, but I cant feel good about going no contact with her because what if there’s a chance that im wrong? what if shes not narcissistic and I was too harsh by going no contact? what if its actually worse for my mental health to be no contact since I feel unending guilt everyday? on top of that, I cant see family that I want to maintain contact with for the risk of running in to her. this makes me feel lonely and makes me question if this is actually worth it.
The mask slips every so often. You may only get glimpses every now and then. Being non reactive when they(the narcissist) explode into narcissistic rage. Their(the narcissist) behavior won't effect you if you truly understand they are projecting their frustration onto you. That's on them to control themselves and their behavior, best just to walk away from a relationship if your partner keep repeating this type of behavior.
