6 Types of Affairs

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As we begin to explore the types of affairs, I know that there is a great deal of pain and confusion for both parties in the marriage. I hope that these categories will help bring understanding to what has happened and serve as one small point in the process of healing.
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“The Recovery Library gave me 24/7 support because I could be up at 3am and search for the topic I was struggling with. It also helped as a couple because we could investigate topics together so it wasn’t subjective. I trusted this information because it was from professionals who also had lived through and recovered from infidelity. Double credibility in my book.”
Amanda, Florida
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Rick Reynolds, LCSW and Founder and President of AffairRecovery.com
-Rick has over 30 years of experience in treating couples and guiding them to healing after infidelity. AffairRecovery.com is the first company to offer anonymous online group support worldwide for those impacted by infidelity.
-Reynolds, a LCSW, holds a Master's Degree in Social Work and is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. In 1992, Reynolds developed and began leading “affair recovery groups.” He received his Master's of Social Work from the University of Denver and completed three years of post-graduate training at the Colorado Institute for Marriage and Family Therapy. He has also worked at the nationally-known Minirth-Meier Tunnel & Wilson Clinic before moving on to private practice.
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14 окт 2024

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Комментарии : 88

@user-yz7hx3ty6s 2 года назад

I have never met a person who revrets leaving a cheater but I have met many who regret giving a second chance to a cheater

@judubski 5 лет назад

1. One night stand 2. Fallen in love 3. Sexual addiction 4. Wanting both marriage & affair 5. Emotional affair 6. Love addiction

@danr2596 4 года назад

My ex had a few of these

@sc-ye7td 2 месяца назад

limerence is not fallen in love

@ofs3216 5 лет назад

I see my unfaithful husband as having two of the characteristics from the limerance and wanting it both ways. Our marriage did have some issues which I am honest about so the attraction to the affair partner is probably very strong. However he has been giving mixed signals, would not continue with divorce mediation and new disclosures keep on popping up all the time until I couldn't take it anymore and told him to leave the house. My health has deteriorated even though I was doing very well previously. I've come again to realize that I have to take control of myself because no one else will. No one deserves to be put through the trauma of infidelity and I'm coming to see that I need to not have him take control of what's left of me that still somewhat living. Thank you so much for an excellent video.

@imhimfr322 5 лет назад

Thanks for this video it’s broke me down 😔 but it was needed for this healing journey

@jg1418 5 лет назад

Boy....This was GREAT ... My wife is 2, 4, & 5...... So sad because I cannot fix it so its in God's Hand because if a cheater wants tto fix it they could but choose NOT TOO......

@carolgordon3055 5 лет назад

Excellent explanation! My husband of 21 years fits both 2 & 5. We have been apart over a year now. The just friends part was so painful. He suffered from ed so after taking the AP overnight he sounded like Bill Clinton "I did not have sexual relations with that woman". My response was not so gullible as I told him there were other things he could have done with her. I'm not retarded. Bottom line is I was willing to support him if he got help but he never has. Currently he is just severely depressed, we have no contact. I sought help and doing my best to move forward. All I can do is pray for him...and let it be. It is what it is. He was a good husband for 20 years. Just totally went off the rails.

@indym375 5 лет назад

I'm sorry

@CloverLemon 5 лет назад

It’s stressful to be in your situation. I pray that you will get through this soon . Be strong 💪

@joeybracero9497 4 года назад

I am going through this right now with my wife of 8.5 yrs. She wondered off and had several affairs for years, although she claims they were only friends and only talked (yeah right!). Went on numerous trips out of country with her "alleged" girlfriends who I later discovered never went with her on any trips. So I can only assume she went on these trips with other men. How naive and trusting I was. I feel like an idiot...like everybody knows what she was doing except me. I am going through therapy as we speak but this has taken a toll on my health and mental state. BTW, she left and living on her own. Clearly indicates to me she's not willing to work this out or make an honest effort to work it out. She did not put up a fight to stay or give me a tru from the heart apology for her actions. I am sorry for what you are going through. I totally understand. Hope you can heal from this and move on. I am working on it. I have found peace in God. God bless you.

@everready2903 3 года назад

Your understanding is remarkable. I lost a good woman and is no doubt still stuck in his own crisis.

@lifeturnaround8265 2 года назад

Wife of 27 years, we’re just friends!!!!!! it’s a ex fiancé from 30 years ago. The love letter I found does not convey friendship. It’s, I should have waited on you to be the man you are today letter. 2 & 5 I’m DDay + 44 Divorce is final in 25 days If she wants back in my life, it will be in true remorse mode. She has betrayed me with more than a affair. Much more.

@Jeradactile 5 лет назад

Thank you for the video, Rick. #6 hit the nail on the head. Almost 11 months since the first D day. We are growing and doing much better. Lots of counseling and the EMS weekend were pivotal in the healing journey. We have a long ways to go, but we will get there together. Thank you, happy New year, and God bless. - Jeremy AKA the bacon guy 😁

@AffairrecoveryLLC 5 лет назад

Hey Jeremy! Haha! Great to hear from you bro! Thanks for the comment. Happy New Year to you as well. To healing.

@TheChihuahua83 5 лет назад

Please do more videos about emotional affairs. I need advice on how to cope with my husbands numerous emotional affairs I've busted him on

@essentialoilrn 4 года назад

yes! My husband has had several and calls it "flirting" I can't get thru to him!

@allysondee100 3 года назад

I’m sorry ❤️. I found myself in one with my best friend and had no idea. Lost a best friend because of it. I honestly just thought we were friends. I hope you are well today❤️

@angeliquebenham9795 3 года назад

Please do more videos on emotional affairs. My husband is having an on-going affair with a woman he refuses to tell me who she is or even how he knows her. He gets up in the middle of the night to text her, or he'll stop at a roadside to send pictures of scenery to her. Then he'll lie and say hes talking to his daughter, but he fails to realize that his daughter could be talking to me and not be recieving her dad's messages. When I brought it to his attention he called me paranoid and then began stonewalling me. It's been about a year and he treats me like I have ruined his life. My marriage is failing miserably and I dont know how to get through to him that his "just friend" is an inappropriate relationship and the longer he continues to keep her hidden from me the more I feel myself falling out of love with him. We haven't even had our second wedding anniversary yet. I'm heartbroken

@swim610 2 года назад

i just watched a video on Intrigue addiction by Dr. Doug Weiss. heartbreaking

@slyfoxmoney 5 лет назад

I am involved in 2, 4, and 5 all at once, and probably 6. It feels hopeful to hear this codified.

@jensbornagain 3 года назад

I wished my husband had a one night stand. He had a 2 year affair. I am devastated 😢

@everready2903 3 года назад

Very hard but try not to take it personal. The reasons for the affair may be mostly nothing because of you and much more their individual issues.

@kerrymillar1267 Год назад

I agree a one night stand is a walk in the park compared to a proper affair. Hope things are better for you now.

@jhn146A 5 лет назад

In my situation, everytime my wife thinks are marriage is on the rocks she starts looking up old boyfriends because she does not want to be alone if we do divorce. She already destroyed her friendship with a best friend because she was involved with her husband. She was carrying on a long distance relationship with an old boyfriend who was also married saying that she wants to be with him while also she was in a sexual relationship with a co-worker, who was married and wife was pregnant. That is my world.

@pinkbutterfly772 5 лет назад

How do you deal with a spouse who has portrayed actions from every category over the years? A true Narcissist that blames you for being part of the cause for their own actions.

@AffairrecoveryLLC 5 лет назад

True Narcissists are very difficult to deal with. You'll need an expert, third party for middle ground and for objectivity. Without that, if he is a true narcissist he will turn whatever you say against you and you don't want to be stuck in that cycle. I would ask him to attend our EMS Weekend and and use the process for clarity and healing. God is bigger than narcissism but it will take an expert process to win back their heart and truth. To healing. www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend

@WarmMyHeart 5 лет назад

Affair Recovery well said. What do you do when you love someone unconditionally but they refuse to be honest abt infidelity when the signs are abundant and clear ?

@AffairrecoveryLLC 5 лет назад

@@WarmMyHeart If there is proof of infidelity and they refuse to be honest, I would say it may be time for boundaries and/or consequences if they continue to refuse. Here's an article that will explain what I'm talking about: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate. here's another article and series that discusses the discovery and disclosure process: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/surviving-infidelity-discovery-part-1

@indym375 5 лет назад

I'm sorry

@everready2903 3 года назад

Category 2 checkin' in! 🖐🤷‍♂️😭😭

@esmme55 5 лет назад

This is very helpful in every way. I was wondering if you have all this material in Spanish. I’m going through this, but my spouses first language if spanish. We need help. Could you please tell me if I can find these kinds blogs in Spanish? Or the classes that you mentioned on your blogs all the time.

@milomazli 5 лет назад

This was very informative, thank you! Although I wonder, what happens at the 5th category where the unfaithful wants both the AP and the partner. Rick, you say the unfaithful is going to drop the AP then, but what happens with their will that they want 'both'? Doesnt the unfaithful later on start to hate the marital partner claiming that they "sacrificed" something valuable for 'them'? What is really going on here afterwards? I would be grateful for your answer!

@AffairrecoveryLLC 5 лет назад

Hi milomazli. Happy New Year! Thanks for watching and commenting. It's a very challenging situation and each couple has their own unique challenges depending on a number of variables. Expert guidance has to be a part of the journey. What I've found over the years to be successful for the majority of the time is this... If the unfaithful will agree to a period of no contact with their AP and commit to working on themselves for that period of time then the limerence will fade and they will recognize the error of their ways after getting some distance and gaining perspective. It's always easy to see when they get away from it. However, while they're in it, it's impossible. To healing... Below are a few articles that may help explain it further. If you're part of the Recovery Library, this mentor couple went through this very same scenario. This one in particular was very challenging to work through - www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/infidelity-laverne-and-lischias-mentor-video www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/an-affair-is-it-love-or-infatuation www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/ending-an-affair-step-one-make-the-decision www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/true-love-and-surviving-an-affair www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/emotional-affair-or-physical-affair-which-is-worse

@milomazli 5 лет назад

Thank you for the fast response & Thank you soooo much for the information!!

@GuppyPal 2 года назад

Mine is 2 and 5. Started out as emotional but went from 0 to 100 almost immediately.

@roberttaylor3827 5 лет назад

Thank you for your videos. My wife and I believe that God brought us together. Sadly enough, my wife had a long time affair. About 2 years. When I finally seen what was going on, of course she denied it. After a month or so, she turned back to The Bible. She learned so much of what could of made her do such a thing. Over a year later, she still denies having affair. There is so much on the table that shows she had the affair, but will not admit to it. What do I do?

@AffairrecoveryLLC 5 лет назад

It may be time for boundaries, Robert. This article may help: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate. You may also educate her on the importance of disclosure with some of our articles here: www.affairrecovery.com/members/recovery_library?category=694&page=1&num_per_page=20

@WarmMyHeart 5 лет назад

Excellent information!

@ianreed7605 4 года назад

1 - 6 ok fine. But what about..... 7. Making a huge mistake based on emotional trauma.

@sc-ye7td 2 месяца назад

7 is limerence, belong to 2

@docb9737 5 лет назад

The 5th type explains how my husband is in his affair this past year! He is so needy for his own needs and no concern for his wife at all. So after 35 years he chooses his affair partner! God help him for he is very lost and will have a rough life from all the pain he has caused me by leaving me for dead. It is so sad to see how selfish and how they feel so entitled to have it all. My God help me heal from all this trauma!!! He also is very much in the 6th and 5th...……………………………….

@everready2903 3 года назад

I'm sorry for your pain. He is being heavily pulled by this person but I no doubt in his own crisis.

@swim610 2 года назад

Good description of emotional affairs

@bridgetkable6208 5 лет назад

So when your spouse says he doesn't know if you Love him,but moves in with his affair partner leaving his family of 19 years,only I had no real proof of another woman because he is also has an addiction to pain meds an alcohol, an when I got confirmation 5 mos, of his abandonment, that's right he blocked myself an grown kids from his new life ,I filed for divorce ,so he left us for her,only I wanted him to get help for drugs or I started I wanted out,my heart would not allow my mind to accept he didn't love me anymore,

@buffuniballer Год назад

I didn't see exit affair? Someone who is just done with her relationship, she just hasn't told her husband yet. Once she finds her next guy, now she lets him know she's done. Kind of like love addiction, but doing it serially, serially monogamous if you would, just not honest with her current spouse before she moves on.

@kindlee3468 5 лет назад

You nailed it number 3/4/5 So I’m stuck not knowing what to do. It’s a limbo. What can I do? I need directions what’s next. Please help.

@AffairrecoveryLLC 5 лет назад

@Kind Lee, start the FREE Bootcamp - First Steps Bootcamp for Surviving Infidelity: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp Do it together if possible. If not, do it on your own. It will cover the most critical steps to take. If it's helpful, sign up for one of the online courses to continue.

@Miswhitness0520 3 года назад

What about flirting? Mine is a huge flirt and oogler, sometimes right in front of me 🤮

@TheMrsOShow 3 года назад

Absolutely correct!

@DeconTheMonkey 5 лет назад

Can someone tick more than one category cause my wife sure does. Just an impossible hill to climb for recovery 😭

@AffairrecoveryLLC 5 лет назад

Absolutely. Often times people find themselves in more than 1 category. You can read the full article here: www.affairrecovery.com/types-of-affairs

@lyalyakim9898 2 года назад

My husband had emotional affairs with his ex and several female "friends" since the day we met and after we got married. He had several one night stands. I believe he is sex addict but he refuses to seek a professional help. Seems like he wants both marriage and affairs. Some days I question myself why I am even still in this marriage...

@miriammejia8348 5 лет назад

WS fits in 4,5 and 6

@renaeepler1372 5 лет назад

Can they be in more than one of the types of affairs? There has been discovery over 2 years ago with a disclosure that was not 100% truthful 3 months ago. We have been to counseling and he has been doing SA and CR 12 step. We still feel like we are, at times, still at day one. Is that normal? He continued to work with his emotional affair partner until about 2 months ago. It has been hell.

@AffairrecoveryLLC 5 лет назад

Hi Renae, yes. People can be in more than 1 type of affair. Sometimes their first affair will be one type and then down the road they have another type. Very common. In our Harboring Hope course for the betrayed, this is a topic of study and many find that they can relate to multiple affair types in their spouse. Thanks for the question. To healing.

@renaeepler1372 5 лет назад

Thank you Rick! We have listened to your and Samuels videos for over two years. They have given us hope and really useful information. Bless you for your commitment.

@AffairrecoveryLLC 5 лет назад

@@renaeepler1372 Glad to hear you have found hope here. That means the world and makes all the hard situations so worth it. Thanks for watching and commenting. To healing.

@archie_verma 4 года назад

My husband had the 1st category of an affair. I am not able to forgive him for that 😒

@shannonboyd286 5 лет назад

This is so helpful. Question: can seeking counsel, friends to confide in, and self-help programs be considered love(affirmation) addiction? I have always struggled to be vulnerable with my spouse, and now he has been unfaithful. I see now that I may have been guilty of a type of love addiction. And now my unfaithful spouse is definitely not a safe emotional place for me. How do I proceed without falling back into affirmation addiction? How can I be vulnerable with an unfaithful spouse that refuses to get help?

@AffairrecoveryLLC 5 лет назад

I would recommend finding a safe place, that's a same sex atmosphere for you to find healing and safety in. Harboring Hope is a great place where you can find a Group Leader who has personal experience with infidelity and other women who will rally around you and help create safety for you in your own recovery. It's very hard, almost inadvisable to be vulnerable with someone who will not get help. If he's not willing to get help, then boundaries are going to be very important for you to create and establish safety. Perhaps this article will help you convey to him that you need him to take action and if not, then you can't keep being vulnerable with someone who refuses to get help: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate This Blog may also offer some support on helping your unfaithful spouse understand that you're not willing to continue to go through life without them getting help: www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change To healing.

@sharvey9500 5 лет назад

Can there be a combination of more than one?

@MaMa-hw1gu 4 года назад

Wow interesting

@Mdoggi0502 2 года назад

What if your spouce has a little each category? And please do more videos on emotional affairs, in my case it was online only, no sexual/sexting, but anlot of expressing feelings, and defending the ap, and fighting for ap, compartmentalising the ap vs myself etc Add that my spouce denies it was cheating because there eas zero sexual aspects to the relationship. Cant call it what it was therefore cant seek the proper help, to which hes not comfortable talking to strangers about his issues so wont agree to counseling either. Love to see a video on this slightly more complicated scenario ♡ P.s. thank you for all you do.

@AffairrecoveryLLC 2 года назад

Hey Mdoggi0502 thank you for reaching out! You can submit your questions to support@hope-now.com. To healing, The Hope-Now Team

@prettydoolee8491 3 года назад

What about the micro cheating?

@johnathanellis9010 5 лет назад

My wife is 4 of these

@jitsulady1151 3 месяца назад

My husband fits 2 3 4 5 and 6.

@swim610 2 года назад

intrigue addiction

@CaToRi- 5 лет назад

Oh boy, my husband has 3, 4 and 6. 😕

@lucylou3286 5 лет назад

Kinda feel like my h was a mix of all of them without physical sex. Initially we thought emotional affair was the correct term when we were trying to fumble through it alone. Then I need to add in with cyber sex as although it was emotional the first part was very sexual too just virtual. Listening to this though apart from the 1 night stand I think bits of all makes sense

@TheAliveMachine 5 лет назад

My wife left me for her just friend

@lisadee0276 4 года назад

I’m so sorry

@georgevue8175 Год назад

So wish I never got married.

@DonAliEverett-rh4tg Год назад

What if it's all by the one night stand?

@candacehouk2251 4 года назад

What about a one night stand that continues to happen over and over as some sort of agreement of just sex?

@vegvixxxen829 4 года назад

Candace Houk that’s the sex infatuation one

@indym375 5 лет назад

😕

@vincewilliams7572 Год назад

How do you handle it if your spouse has more than one hype my spouse has the love addiction the emotional affair the addiction to pornography sex how do you deal with that when there's so much of that? And there is no remorse they think that by saying sorry and saying in an emotional way means that they're sorry and that they have remorse however their treatment continues to be the same very dismissive very condescending very angry that I would be upset or call them on their stuff and then they lie about it constantly even though I have proof that it's happening and all they can say to me about that as well it's not me but it's tied to their phone on our internet address what do you do with that? I have signed us up for the 7-Day boot camp and I have completely left the marriage I stayed for three years left came home to find out that he was continuing the chronic masturbation the night I left he did that and it hurt me beyond belief and he told me it was none of my business. And then continue that type of activity even though I had left so finally now this is the first day of no contact because I continue to go back and help take care of things. I'm at a loss I don't want to lose the marriage we've been married for 38 years I don't know what to do or where to go and we don't have the type of money where we can come to a weekend. And we can't even go into debt to go into some type of thing like Affair recovery we are seeing counselors but they are not specialists and we pay out of pocket so I'm not sure what to do and if I should just end it and be done or if I need to somehow give this person a chance another one? Your website has helped immensely for me to understand what is going on and why I'm very thankful that I found this information like I said extremely helpful. Thank you for your time