60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 2/33 - Escape To Fantasy 

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Same here

Represent brother!

no joke i started daydreaming less excessively once i was surrounded by exclusively healthy relationships that didn't drain me and trigger me on a regular (daily) basis. Now i pretty much indulge in my MaDD universe for fun and entertainment when i have to walk somewhere.

Gang gaaang😂

I think it's an INFP thing for sure. But most people are sensors I think. That's the people with more normal childhoods.

Seems like most intuitives have had some sort of childhood trauma. Many have insecure attachment styles (dismissives/fearful/anxious). I believe we developed intuition and created fantastical worlds to escape. - INTJ

It isn't?

Until just this second I thought it was too. Like, literally, saw the title include the words "complex trauma" associated with that thing I do and went "shit."

They do this guy is stupid. Psychology is stupidity incarnate. A physchological diagnosis regardless of the one youre getting it from is more likely to be wrong than right. The personallife of psychologists are DISMAL! These people cannot help you because they cant even help themselves why would you listen to them. Rettreating to a fantasy could be from something bad that you dont like or it could just as easily be because you want to pleasure yourself. They have no idea and they lie because they want to appear to be the person with the answers THTS theri fantasy!

Myself as well… I would “become” the character who’s point of view I was reading. It was also a great way of cultivating how to put one’s self in to another’s shoes. Still do it to this day. My name feels like it is not my own. When called it is almost… unfamiliar.

@@ellatroy I actually changed my first name because my original name made me feel like a phony. It just never fit me. My current one makes me feel whole and at home in my own life.

@@m0L3ify that’s actually a great idea. Happy to hear you found a name that felt like your own. Maybe I’ll do the same. :)

@@ellatroyI highly recommend it! It helped me feel like I was finally taking charge of my life and building my own identity.

Same same. I used to be so addicted to books and escapism that I used to read novels to school

That hit hard. You are important to us. The world wouldn't be the same without your existence.

Me too! That was my favorite escape fantasy when I was married to my abusive ex husband. It was absolutely obsessive. I was spending so much time in fantasy land, to think about it now, I can’t even imagine having enough time in my day anymore to engage in that.

@@youtubesucks1499same to you ❤❤❤❤

Me too😂 wow I really thought I was the only one

You are important.

write a book about it! that's what im doing

I KNOW THAT, GOD it's so good to know someone KNOWS what this feels like.

If you are happy, I don't see why you should leave this place!

I feel the same! I have created a whole forest in my mind, with creatures I invented. However, sometimes I get into a fantasy about a different past, withouth all the pain and bad experiences which led me to complex trauma, in this case I try to get out because I don´t wanna lose the good moments of my present time.

I'm with you too ❤

I'm so sorry, but frankly, most of the time, I d rather never go into this hell call the Earth

If you don't mind I'd like to come and hang out with you in your fantasy world. Or you can visit me in mine. You're always welcome ❤😊

We wouldn’t be here if we weren’t crazy ❤❤

You’re crazy man I tell ya. How can a video literally save your life? Spoiler alert: it totally can. All the best in your journey of healing, leaving ‘reality’ to live a real life.

Loco

Videos do not save lives. You’ll be hating these very same people you heroized in a couple years.

​@@HopelessAutistichere's some love for your soul : ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

I AM Thankful that you are now "Thriving".

Art therapy at it’s best, creating from the chaos.. Well done, brilliant catharsis.

What will your books be titled, please? I would love to support you. Best wishes on your journey.

I am a prolific writer for the same reason

I draw and drew to survive it and get thru it . Alas, I often find it hard to return to reality and actually move beyond the trauma .

You are needed and wanted here. ❤

Awesome that you are writing. My trauma has been beyond overwhelming too and I’ve always escaped into being alone and reading. And I write too. Good luck.

me too

Glad you could find an outlet.

You are wanted, needed and loved! Your childhood sounds so much like mine…I was adopted as a baby and raised as an only child and we were moving constantly, from state to state! In that situation it is almost impossible to learn how to make and keep friends. I had imaginary friends…stuffed toys, Barbies, even playing cards that I would assign names and roles too, so that I could create my own safe happy world where I was important. And the bullying, oh my gosh yes! I was beaten up, had rocks thrown at me, was thrown into a canal that has alligators in it, all kinds of nasty things put in my hair or on my clothes….its a wonder you and I grew up to be functioning adults! Much love and support to you and to anyone who has been through this, and I hope you can find a safe place where you can find support on a regular basis.

Calling it “crazy” too…I mean come on. Just stop.

I'm always happy with people who disagree.. and I like your comment.

Totally agree with you!

What you do is not maladaptive daydreaming . It’s envisioning your future.

@@violetwang8649 yup

I still am.

​@@JohnDoe-vy5hh hope you get well by time, and that you inner child could become whole again and mature as it should be

Me too. I noticed I had started a day dreaming habit at conferences and in meetings where I suddenly found myself at rock concerts I had been to recently or was replaying music videos in my head. It was because I was switching off from insincere talk by professionals and badly run break out groups where users would share their life stories instead of getting on with the discussion in hand. I was afraid to get up and walk out. Then I decided to take charge and get up and walk out when the day dreaming habit started because it was my mind protecting me from hearing propaganda and wanting to go up and criticise people.

I live and breathe it 🎉

Me too. I gotta heal and I'm healing in Jesus name

Cool! Who do the pirates represent in your family system? Have you come to any conclusions?

Yes, I had the same parental pattern and many of my fantasies had to do with being injured and then being cared for. (That fantasy got blown out of the water when I was in the hospital for 8 days and my husband didn’t visit me ONCE.)

I discovered "imagining" when I was 7 years old and it was such an incredible release for me! I didn't mind going to bed anymore because I could escape into my fantasy world. That changed as I got older. For some reason, I don't know why, I felt horribly guilty about it and always tried to stop but I never could. Now, I'm kinder to myself and see it as an important survival tool I used.

I remember the first time I thought to myself “nobody loves me”. It was after coming home from school on Friday, having been ignored by everyone the whole day, to play with my legos at home. My mom told me I needed to clean them up, and when I wasn’t taking care of it fast enough, she smashed everything I had built and screamed that she was going to throw them all away. I ran to my room and cried, and when I realized there was no one around who cared to comfort me, I started imagining people who did. I hope you’ve been able to find healing after all these years.

@robbiepluta1358 I hope you find healing too, I have in a discovering that there is a Love that loves me the way I know I need to be loved. There is a Divine love that heals all broken human love.

For real

😂😂😂

Same! 😁

This is terrible to you. Please don't, I've been there. Jesus is the escape out of fantasy because He is the Truth and gives us hope of a better day.

​@@davipenha you're no better lol

I was shaking when I read about it years ago. That feeling freed me in a way I couldn’t manage myself.

Same, but I mostly stopped in the mid 20s but now have insomnia. My brain seems to need something to think on, so no it is an endless stream of worries.I kind of wish I knew of this earlier so I could have taken steps to solve it.

Check out the Fantasy addiction meetings within the 12 step programme sex and love addicts anonymous (SLAA).

OMG YES I had my suspicions when I joined Tumblr (don't judge me). But when I learned this word I felt so miserable and yet so happy. I wasn't alone in this melancholic rapture

I read your comment 6 hours ago and it sent me down a rabbit hole. I'm shook.

Same here and growing up and having to face reality and figuring out a career path are just so mundane and difficult. I just want to escape into my fantasy world 24/7.

Same thing.

@@dhamotharan1734 I can relate hope you're better now I usually don't reply to comments but i know how it feels to be broken

May you be at ease and free from all pains.

And to get the cool girl

@@user-rh3io5qz5c i am recovering thank you so much for asking

Live long and prosper! 🖖

Vulcan salute 🖖

Last time I got shut down over something, I said, “well, time for STO and a DS9 marathon 🤪”

I don't have any trauma, but I watched an unhealthy about of Sci fi in high school. It was really embarrassing and weird to watch trek characters who directly mirrored my problems. I had ocd and was extremely obsessed with efficiency and order like 7 of 9. I wanted to be efficient like a robot - which made the tng episode where data saves a little boy who then decides to become a robot pretty convicting. Ngl I still wanted to not be myself but it was a weird experience. I was also basically Lt Barclay: excelled academically but replaced social life with fantasy worlds.

Try writing it out in a journal, how you would share it with a therapist, to desensitize

What I think of therapist is built into the word itself -- add a space after "the". Your mileage may vary. I'll be your friend for $100 an hour!

I was SUPER embarrassed to bring it up at first but it was easier to say when I worded it like, “ I am noticing that I am coping during the day by day dreaming about _person/relationship, etc” instead of saying you’re obsessed with someone or something.

My therapist has given me so many tools to overcome this. Any trauma-informed therapist will be more than familiar with it. There are also maladaptive daydreaming videos on RU-vid that are helpful and Facebook groups. You are not alone.

@isaiahfenior1276 "my therapist was very helpful." At a hundred bucks an hour I hope very helpful.

It saves a great many people. ❤

It’s also a symptom of ADHD

I did that a lot for math and physics classes

Thats different tho... Escaping from things that make you uncomfortable, versus survival strategy in trauma - are two very different things. If you do it as a trauma strategy, then limerence is a big problem for you....which is why so many traumatized people focus sooo much energy on dysfunctional or nonexistent relationships... Its when you sit on your couch all day in fantasy land instead of dealing with your trauma. Its why you are reactive instead of seeing a trigger and dealing with that trigger in a healthy mature way. Its why someone will have fantasies instead of actually making a plan and going out into the world to make that plan come true.

@@janetkamal1421who cares. You say that like it's a bad thing.

Truth 😢😅

Truth 100%. Most people escape in social pressure and role playing, and call that reality. They marry people they don’t match, stay with those they no longer do and so on. If most people walk around like zombies, the awakened ones qualify as escapers.

@@roses6564Our problem is not about the absence of god...but the absence of us.

Yes whenever I get those things which I dream of some part of me heals

YEAAAH WOOOHOOO, you go man 👊!!!!!! You are the 🐐, how’s college?

Same

Great way to escape also developing yourself. Books r great friends.

I did this too 😳

I'm glad you love reading. I find it hard to sit still and read, now that I'm an adult.

I can relate sooooooo much!!!!! Parents have no idea what it does to a child's stability when we move all the time. Especially in and out of various countries. Starting over again and again with every state always the new kid, always uprooted. I have so much trouble making deep connections when we left, they'd be out of my life.... Forever

I am so sorry and hope you can find some peace. Many blessings to you.

♥💕Me too. Love and courage to you.

I'm. sorry ! I. felt that. at. times !

To read that bought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry that was your childhood experience.

I feel you!

thats inspiring, i started writing myself and my goal it's to be independent from ym shitty family, it's all i want

This form of addiction and escapism is the best since it doesn't damage your physical health or drain your bank account like drugs and alcohol. I too write novels and health books.

I relate to your story so much! Had a rough school life and in college I finally had enough time to write down all my daydreams and by the time I graduated I made bank. Then the creativity well dried up once I entered the real world. Fell into dark hole and got trapped into a dreamless realm for almost a year. I used to do bed rotting and spend all day on kindle. Then last year in September that creativity well started to swell with water again but this time it's overflowing and I'm just too overwhelmed to put it on paper but it's a good thing. I know what it's like to live without dreams. I'd rather have too many of them. I write full time now.

I've been writing fantasies since 2018. Two of them have around 200 pages already. I guess it feels so good to get into these worlds because you become a god in them, determining what's going to take place. Maybe we're also characters of a book being written by someone out there.

I see a lot of similarities between us… cool

I understand you so much...

this whole comment is me and my life 😂

Wow, well said!

@@nikkireigns thank you

Same. It's a deep, heartbreaking longing for unconditional love 😞

Exactly. It's the opposite, we should try to cultivate and learn to use it, not suppress it and let it atrophy. Life is a fantasy, almost nothing exists in its own outside our ability to interpret it -- except the raw sensory pain and pleasure. What we experience as meaning, love, inspiration, affection are all thanks to the power of imagination. It is a double edged sword though, it is easy to take nightmares and fantasies as truths. One must be aware that all is a fantasy, and be able to separate from truth from fantasy.

Thats why i rather pursue a balance. I still want my stories, my worlds... But not in the way that its hindering me. Same with my phone&internet

Oscar, Jesus Christ sees you. He cares for you and loves you so so much. So do I. The Bible is a love letter to you from God. Read it if you can. Read Mark Matthew Luke or John

You can do it!! One baby step at a time. Ask God to help you. Surround yourself with people who wont be toxic but will really love you. Find a good Christian church🙏🏻

„For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.“ ‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29‬:‭11‬ ‭NKJV‬‬ God (Jesus) has a plan for you. If you give your life to Christ, you will live out his plans for you. Thats when you will no longer need your fantasy because your Reality becomes greater than your fantasy. Can you Imagine? He loves you buddy ❤️

See if you can get some counseling to help you. I just said a prayer for you

To me another trauma blocked the fantasy dissociation. So suddenly i was locked into reality. It was so wild its funny

Yes, the fantasies served an important survival role. They were highly adaptive when they were used in survival situations. The problem, as you maybe are recognizing, is when fantasies are used in current times when survival isn’t on the line. The fantasies can take us out of reality, but at times we’d be better served by being in reality. Facing real life, real problems, real love, real hurt. Not easy at all. The fantasies have such a draw and feel so controllable and ideal. Issue is, we might miss the people we can actually relate with, the places we can really travel to, etc. I struggle with this. Maybe you have a point. Would honoring the fantasies and paying them respect be helpful? Maybe we could try to appreciate their roles but then tell them it’s time to say goodbye, thank you, I need to let you go now. And then recognize when we go into fantasy, and at least be aware and honest when we do it. And then if we must, go on and fantasize. But maybe 1 time we recognize the fantasy starting up, we pause and choose to be in reality instead.

I love what you've written here. I require ideas that energize me. So, while the Pro is right in a general sense, a skill is a skill. Honoring my imagination feels like honoring my instinct to survive and the pain I've made it through and the skill I used to do it. It feels like I'm recognizing and capitalizing on all my efforts. You can put your imagination to rest in a powerful way if you can imagine some deeply meaningful symbolism for putting it to rest. After you've repeatedly imagined putting it to rest while respecting and reserving it for further use, you'll have an ability in your pocket that you can direct towards external real-world things. The imaginary world is not opposed to the fantast world. But the venturing out, getting hopes up, losing, winning, suffering having fun in the real world is simply excellent because that edge of excitement, the intimacy with others, curiosity, and feeling accomplished in the real world is delicious. I'm never going to let anyone tell me my strength is a weakness. But I'm not going to lean on my imagination as if it's the reason I came to this planet. I came here to enjoy the real. And it's healthy to have a variety of coping mechanisms and tools for self management. Real life is sometimes so much better than anything I've imagined. But I did have to do the work of using my imagination to put my imagination on a prolonged time out. 😂 It was very, very hard at first. I don't honor my fantasies exactly. I honor the usefulness of that which saved my life. So I honor my imagination. Many fantasies are silly indicators of what we might be needing more of in the moment. Also, I used my imagination to quit smoking. 😆 I just don't like framing something essential as problematic. Especially when it, when directed, is so helpful. Everything can become a habit. With the right symbolism and emotion, you will never give up.

As good as it be, for someone that using escapism too long, it make us hard to related to people. Since reality will always disappointing us And it also affect romantic relationship Sadly we cant lived in fantasy too much, and when you first let go of it, you will feel very lonely I made quite few bad decisions because having wrong kind of fantasy about people and it painful when they never like that

It makes sense why he focuses on the bad side. He's trying to help people.

Well said. Thank you ❤❤❤❤

it’s all in your head and it isn’t realistic. To be creative your ideas have to materialize, and it’s not positive because rather than looking at your trauma and learning to live with it, you push it away live in a world where it never happened when it did.

I always did the same: in fact I became a writer. It's not a disease 😄.

Well that is basically what the video is saying, it's your trauma response to a heartbreak and so as long as you were able to be done with that fantasy and continue in reality is the success but some people chose to stay there because they are too scared to face reality- easier said than done at times imo❤

We all have a post childhood stress disorder (PCSD) like PTCD. Greg Baer wrote a book about it.

Same lol my fantasies always involve self perfection

I like to pretend that someone like Michelle Obama or Katherine the princess are my mother. I’m 46 haha. I’m perfectly aware of it, but I think I tap into their sense of calm they present, even when they are bombarded with negative press they appear to be able to manage. My own parents are horribly emotionally disregulated in every situation, so for me to pretend someone else is my guide is actually quite a safe and positive fantasy. It’s calming ♥.

So true!

Nice

This happens with every single video I’ve watched of his. It IS overwhelming, hopefully, only at first. Last night I actually got through 3/4 of one video instead of the usual 10 min. I was pleasantly surprised! 😅

@@eileengale7661that’s excellent! Maybe it’s like getting over a phobia, we need gradual exposure?

@@goldilocks913 Yes, I think so. Now I can watch a full episode when it works.Yay!

Happened to me during video 1 on perfectionism… tough to look in the mirror… Sucks that this stuff was done to us and now it’s our responsibility to heal from it. But maybe that happens to everyone in some way. I think when we suffered during childhood it’s just so difficult to see what mistaken approaches we take now, much less be able to fix ourselves. Thank goodness for resources like these.

When m facing something that can trigger our trauma, it will be scary but as times goes, it become less scary Just watch it slowly, in another video Tim mention that it like roller coaster, at first frightening but as you retried again and again, you become able enjoy it Dont force watch it whole, take a breath and stop it before it get overwhelming. That's the benefit of youtube, we can replay the video over and over again and watch it depend on our own pace No need to rush, have compassion to self, dont blame or felt guilty and shame That's what our inner child do to survive in the past, that's the only tool they know, give them a good pat in the head and let them free from the old cage of trauma they stucked in, and now it is us that need to be more mature and learn new healthy tools to be heal

Video game artist sounds like an enjoyable career

Thats an awesome goal, don't give up! I've done the same with my own fantasies, i hope to turn mine into a illustarted book series!

OMG THATS SO COOL GOOD LUCK@@shr1mppoboi950

I do the same, but for me, part of the fantasy _was_ the possibility of me making a video game or animation or drawing or whatever about it. It has been important for me to level with myself that it’s okay for certain things to just be mine, the fantasy doesn’t need a pretense of productivity or validity, that’s not serving me if it’s putting pressure on me further, and I would have pursued art as a career and wasted tons of money if I’d gone on without introspection. Ever since then, I actually started fantasizing much less, and when I do it’s more directed about my genuine emotions rather than pure distractions from them. Best of luck to you ♥️

Really can understand you.. I also had same issue of self hate and shame...and I would isolate my self from everyone, thinking I don't deserve to be loved, appropriated, things like that...but as i got healed I understand that was only illusion, I prefer to hide so to avoid reality... Never hate yourself, you deserve to be loved and appreciated...and there is real world where you are like that... You just have to step out from illustrations and become present.. All I want to say healing is possible, there is totally different world out there..

Please make sure you’re totally emotionally present for your kids and respect and let them think and feel and act out their expression.

@Es97Coqui yes I absolutely let them do that. My kid is 2 already knows his alphabet, counting, shapes, colors... is very affectionate with people. Everyone he meets, neighbors, grandparents, etc they say he is so well behaved. I work really hard with my kiddo. But there are some days I wish I didn't do this because it's caused me so much of my sanity, time and patience. Often times I think my kid deserves someone else for a parent.

We all want what we don't have and don't appreciate what we already have.​@isaiahfenior1276

You can always leave. You don’t have to be a mom or married. Seriously. Like Alice walker.

@ClayMastah344 it's not that easy to just "leave". You need to have a job, resources, money saved up to just leave. Then there's the guilt of it all too. I couldn't live with myself

Yeah, me too. Really glad I've found his videos at this time in my life.

Exactly watching escape fantasy videos is part of my dream world

Oh please, how? I’m trying to do this but I get confused on the difference

Oh please, how? I’m trying to do this, but I get confused on the difference…

I was in my 40s when I realized what ppl meant by the matrix

👏👏❤

I sympathize with that regret and relate.

Wow, you just described pretty close to what I've been dreaming for about the same length of time for all the same reasons! My heart breaks for us both 💔 I totally understand 😢 Big, long, tight hug...no words 🤗

@@lolamilano3717 much love to you too❤!!!

I too win the lottery, share my massive wealth with a few meaningful people, via my wealth manager. By the time the news reaches others I’ve already left my life behind and am unreachable and completely inaccessible and in an undisclosed location akin to paradise. In reality, I’m driving to Trader Joes or spaced out at home. It’s one of my many mental getaways. 😢 I grew up in a highly dysfunctional home where we constantly moved and I changed schools, often during the school year. As a 40-something year old all I want is peace, a life as free of conflict as possible.

@@shellone28 oh how I wish we could make these dreams come true. Money is not the goal in itself but it's the means to create the most peaceful and stress free life possible. In this time and age it's impossible to be healthy and eat properly without financial security. Take care my fellow dreamer ❤😊

@@Rose_OuI couldn’t agree with you more! Wishing you peace, contentment, and good health. ❤

Same problem. Much love🙏

Same

My mother and father were identical to yours. I honestly hope you have healed. Therapy and 12th step program have helped me.

@@dermotjones8753 thank you. I've had therapy off and on for years, and it's helped. I wish you the very best.

@@dermotjones8753How we’re your grandparents?

I wholeheartedly support the new PUPPY❤🥰👍

As much as I like Tim Fletcher, and get a lot out of his teachings, this particular one is not one of my favorites. I disagree with parts of it.

❤

Good for you.... one of my cats arrived a few months in advance. i think she is dead now coz she touched me like she did 4 days before she actually arrived in this reality

Puppies are a bad example. Dogs just bring pure joy ( and responsibility)

I love this ❤

This I never settled for horrible relationship with bad people because I'm ok with being alone. I rather live in my head than deal with narc demons

I had volatile thoughts as a kid & I don't want to share them. But my adult yrs def haven't been pure or anything. Anyways, now my only imaginary thing is pretending I'm in construction, lol. I'm that homely & boring. I don't really pretend bc I hardly know ish about building. But I look at spaces & imagine arrangements. Ok, pretty much I think I just dream about homely vibes. But I have random imagery of just interior. Idk somexs it helps me sleep too. But I gotta physically shake my head somexs bc I know I'm just wasting time & energy thinking about it. Maybe I should've been an interior designer. But all my personality boxes keep shoving me into care taker roles & here I am. Trying to chase after funds trying to be not completely pointless

He mentions how useful it can be.

Are you neurotypical vs autistic. I mean this seriously. I'm autistic and my imagination works similarly. I think it's normal for me to use my imagination in a solo way. Vs how I imagine others do it. I see non autistics involving themselves more in shared imagination. I probably sound nuts so it's completely OK if you don't answer. 😂

I also had conflicts was not the center of attention either. ♡

Holy snap I did the same...

@@loverainthunder Just saw your question! I highly suspect I’m autistic, used to be called Asperger’s. I’m 73 years old, had emotional and social problems in school, but was near the top academically. If I were in school today, I have no doubt I’d be tested for it. I’m very aware that my thought processes are not like those of others. I had this figured out by the time I was about six or seven years old.

@mariekatherine5238 I'm not surprised. Thank you for taking the time to answer. ♡ I was also good in school, I think our minds are very active. I mean autistic minds. The more I learn about autism the better I feel about myself. I did not understand regular people... made things hard.

JW?

I can relate to this to a t

Yes!!!! Esp the part where getting interupted makes you irritable!!

This is exactly me 😶

I'd be interested in discussing some of the videos you watch. We have valuable time together which can make discussion helpful to us both.

Wishing you increasing comfort & joy in the present moment

You are here for a reason , to create, you are loved, loving, lovable… death’s archetype is Pluto - also means to transform, and metamorphosis- use this as an invitation to be present with yourself