7 Things You Don't Need to Justify To Anyone 

This video is a miracle. 33 years of my life revolved around justification. Now I'm making a change. Love this!

Being on disability I always felt I needed to justify it around people who stigmatize it (thinking I'm "riding on backs of taxpayers", a "vacation every day", not "willing to work", etc.). I used to stammer when they'd ask why I'm on disability, but now after learning about boundaries I just answer, "I won't bore you with my medical details". And if they press further, I say, "I don't discuss my medical with anyone but my doctor".

1. What's important to you, 2. Being yourself, 3. Career path, 4. Health choices, 5. Appearance, 6. Goals and dreams, 7. Why you put yourself first.

I loved the “you don’t owe the world your beauty” quote it was so mind blowing.

Thank you Julia! 1. The things that are important to you ( food, hobbies) 2. Your career 3. Your food choices. 4. Their appearance 5. Your goals and dreams 6. Why you are putting yourself first

Constantly trying to justify yourself to others is absolutely exhausting and soul- sucking. Why is it people expect me to justify standing up for myself? Yes, and how I look at the gym is no one's business because it's not affecting anyone else's workout!

I found alot of people are very judgemental, they judge what we do and don't do so that's probably why we feel we have to justify ourselves.... I prefer to distance myself if these people keep on questioning me, it's none of their business....

When I was leaving my abusive spouse after 28 years, your vids, knowledge and even the kindness in your voice helped me more than you will ever know. I still throughly enjoy your style, choices of vids and the way you share them. May God bless you for your effort to help others in this crazy ride of life......I am sure I am not the only one who has found solace and peace in being a part of "your little community in this corner of the internet......" Okie Girl🤠

Proving is like putting yourself in a way that whatever you are experiencing are still lies. I think the core message of this video is, never allow other people to make you feel guilty until proven innocent. You do not need to prove anything at the first place.

"Outsourcing our sense of self" Wow. That's great.

I'm learning the hard way I don't have to justify myself while grieving the loss of my child

Woman, I've seen many therapists in my life but you are one of the best. Thank you

This is a very important piece of the puzzle of establishing our identity. I have done some work in the last years to know who I am. Now I am training myself to not over explain my choices or not explain at all. Thank you for helping me to just be me.

Having been exposed to a person with narcissistic traits, I felt almost always having to justify my actions which of course is tied up with their insecurities. I sent flowers to a mutual friend who lost her mother and this other person (the narc) said I did it to show off/go over the top. I did it because I too have lost my mother and appreciated when others showed some loving words and actions. But I found myself having to justify myself, then felt awful if others did see me as a show off/insincere. I know now my actions were genuine and now hate the fact I stood there floundering and apologising. We should all learn these valuable lessons at a young age so we’re not having to justify to others and stand firm in our own decisions.

Its almost ridiculous that we have to be told these things yet your advice is invaluable ❤ People are bullies and im over it!

Yes, the other way around for me. They don't get to be snarky if I want cake & icecream while they're all getting seeds & spinach salad. So blessed for friends like that!

Great video! I would add one more thing: Don't justify or apologize for being educated. I see this ALL the time people feel judged if they use a fancy term or speak a foreign language. They always add something like "oh look at me, I'm smart pants..haha..." Even college teachers say something similar to that to students....That just sad. Be humble within reason, but also be proud of the learning work that you've done.

4th video I've watched now and I'm getting super excited because I see a possibility of me being on the verge of a major breakthrough.

Seeking others approval is self confidence removal A fantastic insight on how to treat yourself right Thanks Julia

Great discussion. I’m dealing with stepdaughters. After 22 years they have been so mean and critical and you have helped me lots tonight. From Australia xx

Thank you Julia I spent 52 years living for everyone else unable to get to know myself. I came out a trans-woman and was happy of me for the first time in my life. But was told I was wrong because everyone else was now sad. This did not persuade me from being myself but what I realized is it took me 52 years before I began to actually know who I am. What you said here today is so beneficial for me because I'm trying to learn to be me and love myself. Past pressure and society continue to say I have to be for them but I can't. I need to be me no matter what or who says or thinks. You have inspired me to fight harder to do for self and know I am right. My boyfriend has told me to just be me but I never understood that until now. Thank you so much!

Amen to that..Im 35 yrs old, living with narc parents..and I'm done..God bless you Mam😍🤗❤❤🙏

I hate when I am around smug married folks and I need to justify why I am single and don’t have children. Why do married folks do this? I am an independent woman who can stand on my own 2 feet.

This is a really excellent talk. I work in a hair salon behind the chair for 40yrs. You just pointed out a few more things I don't need to justify. I'm thoroughly enjoying your whole youtube channel.

“Your allowed to show up in EXISTENCE…..” LOVE THIS. I love the things you say. These are great to hear!!

Great topic and important to stress. I don’t try to “fit in” and never have. No apologies for my taste in music, oatmeal or Gin. “I gotta be me, it’s a dirty job but someone’s gotta do it!” Syrup is good on sausage.

Yes yes yes!!!! There is so much freedom in learning how to not feel the need to justify yourself!

Thank you for this message. I am so thankful that the Lord has given me strength, to keep going, even though I want to give up. I have two beautiful boys both are autistic. My husband passed away years ago. I’m all alone. I lost my job over declining the vaccine. LIKE MANY OTHERS! I declined due to my pre existing health conditions lupus and heart disease. I’ve been struggling to provide for myself and my children since losing my job from Forsyth hospital. I’m now waitressing, and I’m thankful, but I’m not making nearly enough to get by. Groceries are super expensive. Every month is a battle to not end up on the streets with my two children. I’m constantly in fear of losing my home. To even think about being on the streets with two young children is terrifying. But even as I face homelessness seemingly every month. I have faith, God will provide! With GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! Faith over fear.

Outsourcing our sense of self. Very interesting concept. I have a friend who is pretty overbearing and is super opinionated. In this relationship I have learned to say no. I learned that no is a sentence just like yes. I have found the more I explain the less empowered I feel. I am learning to not offer more than is needed and in this way I feel. empowered. I am learning to love myself just as I am.

Loved this! Especially today, I had to stand up and tell my boss I need a week to fly home for loss of my grandma

This was a very soothing video to find. I came across the words "compensatory disorders" yesterday in the context of an unstable personality who makes up for their self-perceived shortcomings by really going for the gold and approval in other ways, to compensate. It's hard to find a video on that but this was pretty close to what I was seeking. Thank you for working with people who are trying to develop healthier mindsets.

I always feel as though I need to justify my career path to my parents. As such, this video is super useful !

The ones about food health choices are delightful! I have some special needs and my own quirky way of caring for myself. I sometimes can feel accosted by people with advice about things to try, or ways I could better manage. The temptation to justify my own choices can kick in. It can be tricky for me to shift the conversation away from their unwelcome "good advise.

Thanks for sharing this! Maybe we can add 'You don't have to justify what your expenses are'.

We don’t need to justify why we don’t want to drink

The part about not owing the world your looks really resonated with me. I got made fun of as a child in school because of my disability and still am self conscious, though not as much as I used to be. But I’ve been struggling with body image lately because I’ve tried to lose weight for a long time and now perimenopause is making it even harder.

Thank you for your channel! We need the freedom to be ourselves without justification from anyone!🙏❤️🕊🌟🎶🌹💝 God bless you!!

Some other things to add to the list of things you don't need to justify: 1. Your relationship status Some people want a relationship or marriage, some don't. Some people are happier alone, some when they're part of a relationship in a solid family environment, you do what makes you happy. 2. Your sexuality What happens between two consenting adults of legal age is their business, nobody elses, and you should not need to justify why you are atrracted to a certain type of person, just be happy with the people you love 3. Any disabilities you may or may not have Whilst you should never use disability as an excuse for bad behaviour, you should also never need to justify it either .......... you do what you need to so that you can get through life the best you can, and nobody elses opinion on that counts

If we stop justifying our own choices so much toward others, if we live more for ourselves/ by our own values and preferences and "own" what we do- I think we can allow others to be themselves, to follow their own path much easier as well. Thanks for this encouraging and empowering video! ❤️

300,000 subscribers. Congratulations Julia! Thank you for your wonderful teaching.

Timing has never been better. I am itching so much to explain why I made my decision to a family member who is passively upset, which is understandable, but I changed my mind because I didn’t fully evaluate the situation I was putting myself into. Anyways, I hope one day this will come to me naturally.

4:38 1. What's important to you 7:09 2. Being yourself 9:58 3. Career path 14:07 4. Health choices 17:17 5. Appearance 17:51 6. Goals and dreams 21:58 7. Why you put yourself first.

Hi JULIA ❤ I am learning one of the things I dont need to justify is the healthy choices I make when I feel triggered in conflict. When I feel the tell tale signs of trauma response in my body OR signs that continuing will end in an argument... I may say, "I need to bow out and regroup. I need to process some things. I am going to go tot he park to walk. I am going to pray and journal" etc...often times those very healthy things can be challenged when those things are WISE and is evident of growth. I will work on not justifying my healthy communication pauses/trauma healing choices when someone questions the validity or turns it on me. After counseling about this, I have recently said, "Going forward, I want to let you know I will continue to choose to do healthy things when I feel it is appropriate to process things and later regroup and no one can stop me" 🤷🏼‍♀️

I love your videos. My ex boyfriend & I both watched your videos when we first met. Your video's remind me I am my own person before I start ruminating.

See my name here Julia, Jodie is cool. Your videos have helped me love and embrace myself. I am cool. And I have a heap of other attributes that I am finally proud of. Thanks to you x

I'm getting better little by little at setting boundaries. Especially with narrsistic people. I probably saved myself alot of pain simply by recognizing someone as a narrsistic person at my church who was hoovering me and trying to suck me into his world of lies and deception. Had I befriended this person I would have ended up feeling worthless and been a door mat. I recognized the toxic behaviors very quickly and backed away fast. This person was staring at me intensely with black eyes (intimidation attempt) during church service and he also did a crab pose that bodybuilders do (intimidating attempt again) all in the middle or church service lol. 😳. I want NOTHING to do with such people and see nothing but lying for attention. I owe NO ONE an explanation, especially a narc!!

You had me at syrup on sausage! 😂 Seriously though, every girl ever, needs to hear you!

I love your book!!! Thank you. Your channel is by far my favorite. I’m learning so much, I’m on your waitlist. ❣️

Julia, I love watching your videos. You are so down to earth and easy to listen to. I personally like your videos in black and white...something different. Thank you for helping us to better deal with getting through the tough times in life!

It’s refreshing to be with others who are actively and deliberately shifting!!!!

I’m on your waitlist. Your teachings have helped me greatly in creating a new healthy lifestyle mentally/emotionally. Thank you!

Just ordered "Drive Your Own Darn Bus" I'm New to watching/listening to Julia and I am really liking what Julia has to say and is very important to me! Thanks Julia!

Great advise I’m new here and in todays world just gaining more knowledge is power . Thank you for teaching things that are easy to understand 🙂that in itself helps .

Thank you Julia. I lived for years expecting acceptance from my family;mother and siblings. It has taken me years to realize that I am myself. I am what people/family want me to be. It started after marrying a woman that they could not approve of. Instead, I have lived being gas lit from left,right and center. You education here is for me. I suffered childhood trauma. Now, I want to just be. Just who i am. No justification,no validation,no accetance,nothing. Thank you

Hi Julia! I just got your audiobook. I’m excited to listen to it. I’m glad you are the narrator. Thank you for all that you do.

Not that I needed another reason to love you but yes to syrup on the sausage. I am glad you and I connect on that among many other things! 🎉

We are all different, that is what makes life wonderful, you shouldn’t have to justify the things that make you unique, Providing it doesn’t hurt others.

Thank you so much for this, it sounds obvious but I needed for someone to outline it for me, because I’m so guilty of over explaining. Also thank you for bringing up the reason why we do that.

Thank-you. Much to process. Cried thru the whole video

Thank you. I just found this channel and have watched 6-7 of your talks. Responds well with me. Rigmor, Norway

Thank You Julia For Coming Back With Another Great Video,Denis🧸😘

This is beautiful. THANK YOU❤

really enjoying these talks. Helping me both personally and as a clinician.

Great video. Empowering. In this current time of extremely-cautious speech, I think your message of being "exactly who you are" is more important than ever. Perhaps sincerely accepting each other for who we are is the key here. Thanks for sharing. I look forward to more of your content.

Thank you Julia for the video

I need to hear this 50 more times.....trusting myself. Knowing my worth because of who He says I am.....that's it....gold!

We really appreciate your work and your style, thank you for being so kind and thanks heavens for you; to me to u, to u to me.

This video's speech and lecture is priceless! It really provides some tools to navigate one's own inner landscape and thus get surplus for a better life and surplus for other people! Thanks JKC

Super- helpful video Julia Christina! You might find I repeat what you said in my comments but thats the way I learn. Hope thats okay. Thats the way I have done my learning. Thank you!!

Great talk! The one thing I constantly feel I have to justify is my time. Typically this is to my significant other. I'm struggling with how much of that is his and how much of that is mine.

Wow, I needed this video. Thank you🥰

Thank you so much!

Great video !!! Thanks ! I always get so much from your wisdom !!! ..... Cheers .... :D

Thank you for your work Julia. I watch your videos regularly and they are very helpful to me as a source of inspiration and material for reflection. Greetings from Poland! 😘

Brilliant! Thank you ❤

Syrup and Sausage with a Side of Kale! Oh, if only I was still interested in writing songs, this could have been a great one that your discussion just inspired me to write. But, I do not feel the need anymore to justify my existence by trying to create something great, and I thank you for helping me with this. I so appreciate the value of your inspiring input. 🤸 🤸‍♂ 🤸‍♀ 🤸

Thank you Julia Christina for this very informative message. I will follow your advice.

This was just brilliant . What a gift you are. Thankyou 🇦🇺

Thank you! 🙂

I love every single bit of your video Julia. I totally agree with what you said. Self-care is hugely important in our healing journeys! Thank you.

Thank you so much for all of these videos :) 😀

Good to see you again, thank you for the video.

Hello and thank you from The UK! I have found this video very comforting as i am 61 years old, (This is me in a recent photo on my profile picture) and due to me being on the receiving end of a very abusive, so called family, whom i ran away from, over 40 years ago, i never had a childhood or a teenage life because they never allowed me to leave their house except for school, work and grocery shopping for them and they would flog me with belts and a piece of cut up hosepipe for even asking to be allowed out. I was always scared and lonely in that hovel/prison! This has made me, as an adult, want to be very thin and dress very young. I feel real good, by dressing in this way, but whenever i go anywhere, i get ridiculed by unknown women the same age as myself. You have made me finally realise, it is none of their business. Before, i would feel guilty about dressing in my chosen way and as my confidence is very low, i almost felt they were right to criticise me, but now i realise, i have been shaped into who i am and other people have no say in how i dress. I wear short tight dresses, mini skirts, slashed jeans, tattoos and piercings, but society says that at my age i must have short silver hair and wear very conservative clothing! There are even lots of toxic videos on -line, 'advising' us older ladies what we "MUST NOT" wear! At long last i think to myself, i can wear what i please as long as i don't hurt anyone, so there!!! ....... Thank you so much, pretty lady, for helping me to see the light! Kind regards! xxxxxxx

You are the best!!! We are lucky to be able to hear this

Preach it Sista!

Just listened to your emotional immaturity signs it’s excellent precise and a very clear understanding and yes I have experienced several of these signs from my late husband and a few friends. I feel it can be very taxing on you to have these people in your life thus I choose after much thought to not be in those relationships I have great and healthy relationships I totally enjoy and have come to realize I don’t need to be in relationships that are toxic thanks for this information you’re a great therapist

Hello My name is Mariyah Watkins And I just started watching with everything that's going on I feel like I can learn something new everytime I watch It like I can get something out of it everytime

Yahhs Our choices/taste/seasonal changes are our own business. Ty Ms.

Great!!! Thank you!

Hi I really resonated to your previous videos about defensiveness and justifications. I am looking forward to this video for a little more in-depth information. You are helping me see my truth a lot! Thank you!!!

Hi Julia! Senior Shifter here! I love this talk. I would place this under radical self-acceptance and I love that. Some quick comments. I have the opposite experience and I get criticized for the “unhealthy foods” I eat. “That’s not healthy” “You are getting too fat.” “You need to lose weight.” My justifying (yet true) thought is “Well, it isn’t that I don’t like healthy foods - I LOVE healthy foods - but my problem is that I also LOVE unhealthy foods! (And is that even a problem?) See how I justify myself that way! Also, yes, syrup on sausages is great! Lol Here are my notes: 7 Things You Don't Need to Justify to Anyone: When we try to justify ourselves, it means we are really seeking others' approval. We want others to approve of us, then we can approve ourselves as well. We are outsourcing our sense of self, instead of getting clear about who we are and what we do and making and liking our own decision in life. You don't need to justify what is important to you. (Your taste in music, food…etc…) Being apologetically yourself. (The most important kind of courage that we can get, is the courage to be our imperfect selves. - Adler) Being ourselves is the antidote to shame and self-loathing. Our career paths. Is your food or health choices. Our appearance. Our goals and dreams that we are pursuing. Why we are putting ourselves first. Great talk. Thanks Coach! To everyone and anyone reading this, remember always what a worthy and valued person you are. You matter. ❤

Regarding food choices: my mother is a registered dietician but when through college in the 1960s (big push for dairy, meat, eggs). She didn't serve much fruit and we never had salads, just a cooked vegetable as a side. In 9th grade I was overweight due to a medication I was on having caused 50 lbs of weight gain in only a year. My school health teacher taught about eating a high raw fresh fruits and vegetable diet with about 15-20% cooked rice, beans, sweet potatoes, or cooked veggie. I decided to try it out with a few classmates and feel in love. Within the first year , I had dropped the 50 extra pounds, felt great, had tons of energy, slept better than ever, acne cleared almost completely, the list goes on. The only problem was that my mother felt rejected because I wouldn't eat what she made for dinners but rather made my own salads to sit at still eat with the family. I always cleaned up after myself also. She would make little comments throughout the first year to make me feel bad for not eating her American diet foods that focused in "portion control" and "caloric limitation" but she would serve everything from hamburgers, spaghetti with meat sauce, Mac n cheese, beef stroganoff, etc. I kept explaining to her that I felt so much better physically and mentally eating the fresh fruits and veggies and not having to limit my portions so I would actually feel full and not hungry all the time. Year two turned into constant arguments about it. She thought I didn't have a "balanced diet" because I wouldn't eat the ice cream or pie desserts. She said I couldn't possibly stay on the diet I was in forever and I needed to go back to eating "normal foods" and just portion controlling them. Finally, she said that she was so hurt by my not eating her cooking that it was going to ruin our relationship. So, at 18, I chose the relationship with my mom over my food choices. It took me 6 months to not feel sick eating that food again and I was never able to go back to dairy as I had become intolerant over the two years off it. Now, I'm over 40 and still eating all the junk meals my mother approves of and am obese. Anytime I've attempted to go back to the other diet, she shames me so badly when she visits and then "reeducated" me on how to portion control. I've done a lot of work on myself emotionally the past 5 years and have finally learned to detach myself from our enmeshed relationship. My mom is angry and says she's miserable and that it's my fault for intentionally punishing her by not doing what she approves of with my life and the final step will be getting back to my long lost healthful diet of fresh whole foods. I'm actually really excited and know the extra weight I have will fall off over time. I also know my energy levels will go back up and I can exercise more than I do now (even though I'm obese, I'm very active. I exercise daily and am remodeling an old house about 4-5 hours a day after I do what I need to with the business I started a few years ago. This video pinpoints some very specific things that many struggle with in these unhealthy relationships. I just remember now that no matter what even my own parents think of my decisions, I know why I chose them and they are right for me and that is enough. Cheers everyone on this journey to health in all areas!!!! ❤❤🎉🎉

Very true. I will be teaching this to my young son as he is growing up. Thank you ❤️👍

Thank you 😊

I really appreciate your video bc there are people around me that I don't choose to have in my life who think i have to justify my appearance or what I eat to them ! I am sick and tired of this!

Thanks this is educational 😊

Thanks for the great video Julia. I like to mix maple syrup into jar of almond butter. Throughly mix the ingredients and put in the fridge. Stir the almond butter and syrup. The syrup comes to the top. When it’s cold it is delicious. I can eat it by the spoonful.

I was a Hospice volunteer Julia.

Thanks”

So good!!!!