"Am I Dealing With A Stalker?" A Person Without Boundaries | Psychotherapy Crash Course 

Happy to have you here!!

Yea for sure

Agree. European countries (some) no longer allow that and the U.S. should get with the program.

Spot on. The stalker often spies and reveals personal information about a victim that he or she had not been told. Creepy indeed.

Well yeah I mean it makes no sense. They should be able to intervene and stop,them! As a teen, my friends and I got stopped by the law before doing legal things. How can they not see someone getting all this tech and info to track someone and not stop this people? Lord Jesus h effing Christ!

All they have to do is hack your phone to see your personal info such as social security & bank info. They can see all of your contacts to secretly engage with & know where you work at to recruit them into stalking you too. If you get a new home they can intice the landlord or seller to access your home with spy cams before your move in date. It's not hard when your whole life is on your phone

Spot on

So I need to move?

It's scary when your stalker is a 'Political Asylum' in the US, has a criminal record in the US, and is heavily protected by local government and silly public attorneys.

I just ended a recent friendship with someone who I met on Plenty of Fish. He told me about this woman who he knew who he got serious about and said she was his girlfriend. However, her sister was super jealous of the relationship and tried to sabotage it. He told me the ex-girlfriend's name and told me that I can see her profile on Facebook. I decided to check this story out. When I told him that I messaged her but she didn't respond to me yet he seemed to be fine with it. He told me that they were on good terms now. I figured that she didn't go on Facebook much since she wasn't responding so I thought about sending a message to her husband to let her know that I messaged her and wanted to ask her about someone she used to know. Her husband said that I could ask him about it, so I did. His first two words to me was "Stay away". I asked what's up with him? He asked how I knew that my friend (at the time) knew his wife I said that he told me. The husband told me that the former friend was charged with stalking and that he never dated his wife. I also saw a scathing Facebook post on the former friend's page, before I reached out to the husband, about how much of an evil person this woman's sister was towards him and how she landed him in jail. How she was the reason why he was having problems with women. When I chatted with the former friend, he was starting to change details about his story. He told me that he never wanted me to talk with the woman who he claimed was his ex-girlfriend. He also said to me that he never had a romantic interest in me that it was just friendship. I told him that I couldn't take him seriously like that anyway because he and I differed on Politics and Religious beliefs. I blocked him on social media and on my phone when he texted me. I told him that I would call the police if he harassed me. Then sometime later he leaves a voice message saying that I opened a can of worms for him with the local police where that lady lives, how they are harassing him and opened an investigation on him. He told me that I have to call them and straighten the whole thing out, tell them that it's all a big mistake and that's it. I blocked the number that he used to call me. Haven't heard from him again so far. I had questions about his state of mind even before all of this happened. Someone else who knew him briefly even told me that they were unsure if he was dealing with a full deck.

This is so hard. I'm sorry this is happening to you. When you mix in mental illness, under-development, or learning disabilities the police and others in this group can't conceptualize these individuals know exactly what they are doing in SOME cases.

As someone with learning difficulties myself, I'm going to tell you, do not let someone's disorder or illness be a reason for you not to protect yourself from them. Even people in these kinds of situations need to learn how to take responsibility for their actions. You are not a "human sacrifice" for anyone for any reason. Keep your boundaries strong and tall.

My stalker uses his mental health problems and disorders too make excuses for himself. He only does it to make me feel sorry for him.

My stalker is a cop and the police and social services believe his lies . He hates me as he thinks I should live him and fancy him which I don’t he’s not my type and he’s pathetic he’s a bully and weird

The police are patriarchy personified.. dont expect help from them

Battered wife syndrome was a defence for women who murdered violent partners. Dealing with a stalker or person who does not hear NO is frustrating and can drive a person crazy. Revenge fantasies are common. So is the desire for retaliation if they kept barging into your life and disturbing your peace of mind.

Right… why are they allowed to do this? But I’m treated as an evildoer for attempting to protect myself? After already being physically attacked!!!

True that tired of the mess every day I get up

Literally

Because there’s not laws to prevent it. Document everything. But don’t respond because that’s what they want. Intimidate you, scare you etc. Put camera in your house and outside and keep recordings. Change your locks, get new keys. When you have evidence tried to get a restraining order but I tell you this can make them more angry. Be safe, drive with your car doors locks. Check if you car has a gps tag .

You're welcome! And I'm very sorry you are experiencing this. It is very uncomfortable, frightening at times, and overwhelming. I hope you have support.

@@TherapistTamaraHill I do however I don't use the word hope at since that's one of the stalkers name, ceohope/shuantae bellemy. Been going through this for 12yrs and I very tired of this dude. He a cyber-bully/stalker but a very manipulative master manipulator that works for the Government so it's hard to get anyone to stop him. He so bad the he puts the blames on those he calls/pays to do his dirty work for him. I just ask that all be aware and stay far away or if you like that type of dude please feel free to get with him so that he can leave me alone. I don't know how he keeps tracking me but once I find out I will do what's needed to rid myself of it as I have many of my phones he hacked into. My search engines was searching for places I never been or NEVER want to go. My battery on my phone kept going out even though I know for a fact it was just fully charged 15 mins ago. Brand new phones just completely blink out and no one can fix them. Keep changing the amount of payments on my bills the reflect certain #s so I would literally have to pay in whole numbers to keep my NO means No a clear stance. Hacked into my insurance account and Bank account. Soon as I come to a street light the light abruptly changes from Green to Red, I literally have to take back roads to NOT be bothered. Can't listen to my local stations b/c every single time the same 2-3 songs will play so I literally have to listen to very out of the ordinary things to avoid the creep. My vehicle is paid for in full. Soon as I start driving and get to a certain area not too far from my home there's always anywhere from 5 to 10 tow-trucks every single day/time. Before I paid off my vehicle he paid the car-lot owner to start an argument with me, mind you I've NEVER before had any issues with this particular car-lot owner ever. After I paid it off the owner repeatedly told me he had to give me tough love as if he was my parent or something. I was like what?!!?!! Hell NO NEVER AGAIN!!! So I can only imagine all these tow-trucks drivers he's paying off only to keep hear NO I'm NOT Interested at all. These are just a few things. He literally send people to hack and stalk you then claims he had nothing to do with it. He even send other women after a man that you maybe dating or have interest in to try to entice them to hook up with other women so he can then come back and throw it all up in you face via social media continuously as to try to make himself look as if he's the better pick for you, when in fact he's the worst one who's been orchestrating the chaos the whole entire time. They literally stalked you to take your talents from you then portray your talents as if it's something they came up with and made on their own. So now I don't even care to be creative at all. B/c I want to be left alone. STOP sending 33° to my TV screen I DON'T WANT YOU AT ALL. I literally had to reset my TV 5xs b/c this crap keeps popping up loading and stopping at that degree.

Block them, report them, NO ACCESS TO YOU!

I pray that she left you alone.

Yes. That's the only way sometimes. I'm sorry. So tough.

Leave me alone is like a red flag to a bull when dealing with someone who ignores boundaries, rules and basic requests, and enjoys stalking and harassing people.

Been there a few times. My sister's best friend from high school became my stalker a few years ago when I declined her sexual overture. I started out as nice but had to block her and tell her harshly to leave me the heck alone. Of course she smeared me with my own family which is fine. If they are going to prioritize a friend over family that shows you the strength of our relationship.

This poor guy. And poor you! Never saw it coming. Sadly, this happens a lot on college campuses.

@@TherapistTamaraHill It was pretty bizarre. I think he was an incompetent stalker after seeing your video...

That's a "mild case"??? Well, hopefully with a little time, his brain chems will settle and find their balance. I think Dr. Hill's observation about the prevalence of that phenomenon in College settings speaks to the age/development factor. Still a bit unsettling for you though.

I so use getting rejected life sucks I wish no stalking

I am in the same situation and also the same response from the cops. Im tired of this individual and was told he has mental disability…yeah right!

The flying monkeys are sent by the narcissist to reel the person back into contact with the stalker/master manipulator. No means maybe to these people.

This is great to hear!! You're welcome. Peace truly does come when you gain clarity through education.

🥰 Thank you. And you're welcome.

That's terrible. I'm sorry. This is never easy to deal with because your entire life has been uprooted. I had a client like this 5 years ago and the only hope for her life was to move across the nation. Boundaries and barriers are sometimes your only hope.

You're welcome! And thank you for being honest. Hopefully, you have been able to move forward. No one deserves this.

It's crazy-making designed to send the victim out of her mind. People don't understand until they experience the relentless pursuit and revenge tactics employed by an unhinged, manipulative and vindictive arsehole. Nothing really helps unless you can move and keep your new location and personal details private.

Ask your neighbor for help in installing a camera discreetly pointed towards your property. Change your routine if you can stay in an air bnb or a friend. Begin to counteract , research and learn how to get around a jammed scanner. Go to gun classes even if you don't attend to buy a gun. Take back your power.

I hope that you're in a stand your ground state. If he comes anywhere near you, get him. If you're not, I hope you find the help you need. Sometimes, life doesn't give you a choice. Stay safe.

Good point. It's HIPAA laws that protects our medical records and the protects the integrity of the work being done by the healthcare provider. Now, if you know the therapist and you are being mistreated, nothing stops you from sending an email or making a phone call to that therapist and leaving a message. The therapist can then decide what, if anything, they will do with this. I am not encouraging this by the way! I am simply saying that when it comes to situations that involves your well-being or safety OR the safety of the person in therapy, the therapist may intercept information but cannot communicate back.

My goodness. This is a laundry list of things some unstable and manipulative people have done to me. Divisive and deceptive are their modus operandi to get what they want: money, revenge, attention or reconnection. Navigating the nightmare is tedious.

Welcome!! Glad to have you.

I'm sorry you are experiencing this. As quiet as it has been kept, some homeless people are also struggling with severe mental illness such as schizophrenia and psychosis (hearing and seeing things that are not real). There is often a mental illness at the core of their behaviors which could also entail stalking. I hope you are able to ensure your safety with cameras, records, etc.

Or told him clearly that you are not interested in a kind way and to please leave you alone..not just hint and ghost somebody..

This is a good topic. I will consider this. This kind of stalking does occur, although not as often as when men stalk women.

Because all the other women in her life are fake & you made a mistake being real 🙃

😂👊🙌

Thank you! God bless you!🤗

Thank you. And you're welcome! Welcome to the channel. This is a topic I rotate every now and then so it's coming back early next year in some capacity.

Thank you, I was waiting for this one because I have had this ongoing since 2018 due to an affair and it reminded me of the resentful. It gets more complex when it involves more people. I have also heard stories of therapists who did not get the chance to renew and report violations. She lost her life. I think of her often.

You're welcome! I'm glad this was helpful. And I totally agree it gets worse when it is more people involved. I will be talking about "gang stalking" too.

Yes,it has been going on for quite some time.It is very difficult,I barely leave my home.

@@Geeya6 valid I really suggest check in systems and potentially depending on what you treatment providers say ask about if a service dog could provide tasking. I have been a handler for two~ years and it has changed my quality of life.

😔 I'm sorry Jade.

Hi there, I don't blame you to be honest. I too am very particular about who I take into my practice. We live in a very unsettled and dysfunctional world and sometimes those we treat are a direct result of that. This pushes most professionals in the field to be wise with the people they see.

I'm sorry Laura. That's frightening. Please see my most recent videos on stalking. If you check the playlist area, you can find the series I did. May be helpful to you. I do speak a lot about the stranger who becomes the stalker. Please be safe moving forward. I suggest psychotherapy for yourself --- if you aren't in it already -- to help you navigate your safety, thoughts, and feelings.

You're welcome!! Very glad this is helpful.

Thank you! And you're welcome. I like your reasoning on this. There may be a neurodevelopmental component to some of these cases for sure. And individual who is on the autism spectrum may not understand social cues well and push boundaries without thinking twice about the repercussions or how the other person may perceive this (lack of ToM - theory of mind or empathy).

@@TherapistTamaraHill Thank You, Doctor! Your confirmatory statement is quite valuable to me here. Love Your Channel! Glad I found it. Best, TD, Boston

🥰 thank you

@@TherapistTamaraHill Thank YOU!

You're welcome!

This portion is very important. I also had this experience and it's very malicious* because the person had lacked boundaries. I realized this comment sounded insensitive because I didn't finish my thought. I think that it really depends on how bad the person boundaries are / how bad they are at respecting the need for space. I forgot about this comment til it was hearted.

I'm sorry to hear this Imani but glad you are acknowledging it. I find that obsessive behaviors are often fueled by the absence of something on the inside of the person obsessing. When you love someone you don't stalk them. You don't obsess over them unless you feel there is still something there you deserve or you want. That's understandable to a certain extent. But visiting their social media, checking online for their activities, ruminating over them, fantasizing that they will want you back, are all deep seeded issues on the part of the one longing. I can certainly talk about this during this talking series. I will be talking about this next Sunday.

@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you. I’ve had a huge problem with this and I definitely need help

I've been there. Someone once told me that "you think you can't live without that person, but you can". That, my faith and learning about codependency and love addiction helped me so much.

@@icedcocoa221 Yep. I pray that you continue to be strong in the Lord in Jesus name.

I absolutely get you and I don’t think you‘re crazy! If your gut feeling tells you there is something off, then there definitely is something off! I have someone acting obsessive (not yet full stalker mode) with me too (old man) and it’s very creepy and due to my social anxiety I won‘t leave the house sometimes. How are you doing now? Have you found a solution?

You are so welcome😊

You're welcome

Do you have cameras on your property? Lights , motion lights,etc? There comes a time to try to ….make it harder for them. Do not allow your animals outside. Bolt lock your doors.Make sure your window are hard to get into. I have been stalked for a decade. They thinks it’s fine and I believe they view it as a game and retaliation. These ppl are sick even if they can’t see it for themselves. Do everything you can to protect yourself and your property. Carry pepper spray. My situation is a case of stalking and coercive control (monitoring, attempts at control and intimidation and inducing fear). These ppl are the types- they will kill if they go off the rails enough. Document, file written police reports, name them in the police reports if you know or even suspect. Do not allow LE to invalidate your experience or minimize it. So many don’t report it. Report it!

That's very frustrating I'm sure. I"m not sure how you can see that he is making channels to follow you. If you can prove he is doing this (with firm evidence), RU-vid may be able to track him and hold him accountable in other ways.

​​​@@TherapistTamaraHill he keeps tagging me in his videos, that's how I know he has returned. It's like he wants to intimidate me and he wants me to know he is back. I was so happy when youtube terminated his account for violation of community guidelines because he was creating a lot of videos and spreading rumors of me being a prostitute. I had no idea he was making up such lies until I had people commenting on my channel that he was spreading those lies. I think he feels rejected and is looking for petty revenge on me. He is very obsessed over my relationship and my life. My fiance is white and he watches all my videos and my posts. He hates black women who are in relationships in interracial relationships and he has previously complimented me on my channel before he started all this crazy behaviour. He has even said he will create new channels if this new one gets deleted. I don't know what to do and I'm genuinely concerned. I have proof I have screenshotted everything. I have screenshots of him tagging me repeatedly and him saying he will create a new channel.

Thanks so much!

My stalker also never can type correctly, always typos.

Emotional incest

Yes, my most recent video ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-1nC4ZlhZuj8.html.

I'm so sorry Wilson. That's traumatizing to say the least. I hope you have time for rest as you "fight" this battle.

I'm sorry to hear this. This is so so tough on an innocent therapist. We play such an intimate role with clients that some may push the boundary by lying, manipulating, or lashing out in some fashion. I'm happy to offer a consultation if needed. But with the little details I have, I can say that it's best to have really good documentation (progress notes, call logs, comments, beginning and end times of sessions with this client, etc.) as evidence of proper boundary keeping. There's no real way of determining what to expect. Boards make decisions in favor of the client all the time and that's because they serve them and not the therapist. So it really depends. I wish you both the best. Hang in there. This is a tough one I'm sure.

@@TherapistTamaraHill Thank you, he meets with them beginning of this week. If we decide to contact you for your consult, how do we go about doing that?

You're welcome. feel free to email me contact@anchoredinknowledge.com or my office 4127102966. Hang in there

Thank you 😊

That's a tough dynamic to manage. I'm sorry.

Hi Rachel, this is also considered stalking for sure. It doesn't matter what you say or don't say, if it is implied that you are not interested then the person should get that. However, there are some individuals who do not understand things that are "implied" and may act based on their own limited understanding. For example, those with autism spectrum disorders may miss those subtle cues. Highly immature and emotionally reactive individuals may also be the same way. If you have to, you can tell them to stop contacting you and if they do, that's grounds to get the law involved.

I disagree with just ghosting or blocking someone you had a relationship or friendship with if they haven’t been cruel or abusive to you.. I’m of the belief that if you want to end a friendship with someone you do it kindly and clearly so there are no misunderstandings and treat the person the way you would want to be treated..even if they have anxious attachment issues like I do..especially then I would say..Ignoring a person like that instead of having a conversation with them will often make things worse for them, not better and send them into extreme depression and then they’ll be more likely to stalk to seek closure and confused about whether you really cared or not 😢 We can’t just ghost people and then say they should’ve just taken the hint and that they are immature otherwise.. That is cruel and to me signifies the blocker/ghoster lacks empathy for my feelings and didn’t care about me despite anything they said previously.. That being said most emotionally healthy people are not going to get to the point of stalking someone who rejected them even like that but a few messages or asking for proper closure would be entirely reasonable.. I get that it’s uncomfortable for the person who wants to break up or end a friendship to have that discussion with somebody but ending things on good terms if possible and if safety is not an concern, I believe is the right thing to do..I would want that for myself and I would want to give that peace of mind to another.. I got blocked by someone who had said lovely compliments to me when I got way too emotionally attached to him.. I am still dealing with the pain of that.. I feel that he should not have led me on the way he did if he wasn’t feeling it but at the same time i acknowledge I have serious attachment issues.. I understood he didn’t like me anymore because of my neediness but it would have been a lot easier for me to get over if he’d given me a few minutes of closure and understanding of my feelings.. And this is why I hate it when people think ghosting or just blocking others without a conversation is ok because I have experienced it first hand and it hurts like hell 😰

And Racel, I can’t tell you what to do when it comes to this guy.. but if your safety is not at risk, like Tamara suggested, maybe you can reach out to him to tell him that you’re not interested and that you don’t wish to have further contact but please be kind and wish him well and that your sorry he’s hurting but that you just want this to be over so you both can move on because it’s not good for either of you.. I think that might actually help him stop messaging you because it will show him you at least value him as a human being and you also then won’t be bothered by him anymore hopefully.. That’s just my humble opinion.. Now if this person doesn’t stop after that then you have already done your part and gave clarity in a kind way and then you can get the authorities involved if you need to.. Actually I see it’s been 11 months since you commented here so maybe he stopped messaging already or you had a conversation with him and it’s not an issue for either of you anymore..

I'm curious. Was this guy Canadian?

Acknowledgement is key. I'm glad you can recognize that.

Absolutely. That's why he/she is doing it! They are rejected and some people want to keep pushing to see if they can "knock down" those walls.

I once knew a woman who was cyber stalking her ex husband whom she has been divorced from for 25 years and he has been remarried for 23 years. He lived In a different state and her goal was to get to that state and have him tell her to back off in person. He hadn't spoken one word to her since their divorce. She literally had know clue on how relationships worked.

Yes lol they hate this

What did you do? Did they stop?

well...yes, for some people. Most stalkers stalk someone they have known in person. But you make a good point for the general public.

💖