May Allah protect innocent Muslim Balochistan family😔 and other innocent Muslim family😔 too in Pakistan Pakistan stop kidnapped and killed innocebnt family😔
What are we meant to do to our parents ali dawah know it all. Put them in a home. I live with my parents my wife and 2 children Alhamdulillah. I have 2 brothers and we argued over who wants to take care and live with mum and dad me being the youngest my mum dad decided to live with me and I happily accepted. I don't tell my wife to look after my parents she happily does it. its my farz to look after my parents. So wat if couples are newly married you have ur own bedroom. My mum and dad are 80 plus bro take this video down you cause fitnah with it. You giving a wrong msg to the youth stating that don't live with them. Strongly disagree with this video shame on you Ali wallahi I follow you alot on this matter disagree with you keep saying the hadith regarding mother in islam mother mother mother then father.
I'll take all that back cos Ali wat you said at the end summarised it all. Sorry Ali bro wallhi I follow you and love ur videos I'm sorry 4 getting emotional on the matter love you my brother Ali ❤️ ♥️
If you don't want to live with in laws first establish this, second don't ask for £30-50k wedding. That's 4 years worth of rent. Don't ask for glamourous wedding and be a princess one day and prisoner for rest of life
You should be on the podcast as well, well said sir. To be fair, sometimes its the parents who force the Glamorous wedding to fit there status, that's another story anyway.
If like me, your father becomes very ill, your mother is tired and old and you KNOW in your heart (like me) than he will likely not live more than 3 to 5 years. Will you let your own parents live alone because your queen selfish wife wants to be alone in her castle ? Let me tell you something, someone who marry such a woman and accepts the "condition" you mentioned, is worse than an animal !
The good ol "make zina cheap and what's halal expensive" enforced by people trying to impress strangers who dont give a damn about them. People and culture always get in the way
Well one side is that, if there are unamrried siblings who can take care of the parents, then you should be looking at your own place. Also, it's gonna be awkward when you're trying to get hot n' heavy whilst your family is just across the hall.😅
@@Blaze0071 I agree but most people cannot find their own place generally unless they have enough to move out rent etc my thing is that sisters shouldn't ask for 10k+ Mehr and expect big wedding if they don't want to live with in laws unless the brother is super rich then go for it it's your life lol
If you live with male siblings, imagine your wife having to cover up in her own house outside her bedroom, imagine not being able to be intimate and comfortable in your own space because your parents are sleeping in the next room. Nah, sounds like a headache and detrimental to your intimate life. Hard pass
Some of these guys who keep whining about women not living with their in-laws must be lowkey dayyuth. Are they really okay with their wives living in such close proximity with any brothers they might have? Even worse if there's an extended family living together and now she's around HIS male cousins. No thanks.
My brother and his wife and his baby are living in our crib we got 3 brothers here. I’d say i love my sister in law and this only increased out relationship all around. And ofc this is a short term thing
@@mizbrob7703 Kids are so unaware at Night i can tell you. Also Kids go to School and Kindergarden so there is always Space for beeing Loud and free. Also Parents in Law get very Jealous of the Sons Sex Life( Believe me i had experienced it) a Kid doesnt walk around his Parents Bedroom if you give them clear Rules.
@@shahidabdoullakhanzorovr1564 Lets not forget how many Skandals happen in such Familys where Affairs with the Brother in Law happens! Doesnt mean always but it is very dangerous. And for those who say its like your Brother, in the Past when a Husband died the Wife married his Brother. Far away from beeing equal like a Blood Brother.
The problem is the mother in law has had an unromantic marriage herself due to the joint family system, where hugging your spouse, holding hands, giving a light kiss on the forehead while departing, complimenting each other on small things was a taboo and out of question. Love was nothing but creating children in the darkness of bedroom and there was no genuine love and romance. She would be covered from head to toe in front of her husband all day long. They could not share a laugh or joke or giggle. So her life revolved around her children whom she loved, hugged, kissed and cared for every moment. The love that she lacked in her life, she tried to locate in and associate with her children. This leads to 3 things: 1. Same expectations from daughter in law, who belongs to a whole new generation and has different expectations from married life 2. Mother being as jealous of daughter in law as she would be of a co-wife because in her eyes, her daughter in law has 'snatched' her son from her. 3. Son expecting her wife to behave and adjust to joint family system just like her mother was doing. There is a saying, bad mother in laws make bad mother in laws but I think bad marriages make bad mother in laws. This then becomes a vicious cycle. If the parents in laws themselves enjoyed a healthy romantic life, they would tell their sons and daughter in laws to go and enjoy themselves.
You hit the nail on the head. I grew up with parents who loved and adored one another. I always witnessed affection and love between them growing up and now that my mother is a mother in law she really could care less and doesn't get involved. She doesn't want anyone living in her house because she likes having her own space and my parents are always traveling and enjoying one another's company mashaAllah. Opposite of my mother in law who attached to her sons instead of her husband and didn't have the best marriage. The dynamics are very different.
This is very true. The whole concept of wife snatching son away from mother is a concept based on emotional incest. It is unhealthy and frankly unislamic. But many desis dont care. They keep saying "mother over wife" as if the 2 are co wives.
Every case is different, some live with their parents because they are old and or ill and require physical assistance sometimes. Some might live with their parents, siblings or not, because in today's age, especially in the Western part of the world; ● Buying a house without resourcing to usury from a bank loan is virtually impossible. ● Renting is an option but with landlords asking for down-payments and 3 to 5 rents in advance to be in a position later on after this enormous financial effort by the man of being kicked out for whatever reason. (do not forget suing requires lawyers and lawyers fees are very expensive). In the end you end up having to move, along with a family, your belongins which will also require a van, rented, or hiring moving services companies who charge very high by the hour, all expected to be arranged and done by the man, to a place where the same can happen, as landlords are very weary of making long period contracts to avoid problems in kicking out unruly people legally. With that said, living with your wife and brothers in the same house is a complete no, and I would rather stay unmarried if that were the case. I myself live with my parents only and help them because they are old and ill, I don't have any other family to help them and I have been looking to get married for years, yet rejection is very common for this reason - so what am I supposed to do? ● Abandon my parents after they raised and nurtered me when I could not? ● Stay unmarried until I no longer look good, weak and have lost my youth? There are some challenges to overcome living with in-laws, but there are way more for the men who have to resource finances, savings and stress to sustain the entire marriage process and after - especially with many women now a days who cannot even make an omelette, act like brainwashed feminists and want take their examples from internet/celebrity personas. Let us be realistic and aware of the world we live in.
We all should be conscious of Allah swt in whose name we ask each other our rights. Let no one complain to Allah swt about us. Regarding marriage we should try to put all efforts into it making it beautiful and stable. Small compliments, kind words, words of praise, assurance and encouraging each other to sabr
Those who are insulating sister Naznin should fear Allah swt! All our sisters who come to the show should be shown utmost respect even if you differ with her. She made some very key and valid points and I agreed with most of the things she said which is true.
This whole conversation is a very very controversial issue to be honest until this day!!? Here and in every country especially with Asians., sorry not to disturb brother zeeshan but it is the truth!! I seen happening still now!!
@@Abuzahid150580 if it happens you should ask the question why did she choose him Instead of all the other loving, caring men. Women need to forget the looks and just deal with good traits.
Do you know that here in the subcontinent hijabis/niqabis are finding it more difficult to get married, most of the parents aren't getting their son married with a religious woman because they know she'll need her own space, she'll avoid contact with males etc. Most of the women who live with in laws are forced to free mix with male relatives such as husband's brother, his sister's husband, and when she refuse she's being told " if you have to live in OUR home then follow our rules otherwise you can go to your parents house" Just imagine how it feels like when you leave your parents home to live with your husband but you're being told " it's not your home" Many women even sacrifice their religious values just for the sake of " fitting with inlaws" because she don't want to make her parents sad.
The reason these in laws don't want hijabis and nikabis is because these girls maybe studied Islam and don't believe in culture so these girls will have a voice and shut the in laws up if they cross the line 😂 so the cultural in laws are too scared they won't be able to treat these types of humans as slaves in their homes.
My husband had a room in his parents house and suggested that I come and live with them. I refused, because how can I live with strangers and non mahrams and share the kitchen and bathroom with them? That means, the only place I don't need a hijab is in the bedroom. Islamically, I'm not even allowed to eat with a brother in law at the same table. How could I cook my food when the living room is connected to the kitchen? In that case, I wouldn't of left my room. My husband wouldn't have enjoyed the nice hot meals after work. What about intimacy between husband and wife, knowing the in laws are in the next room? Also ghusl. There's no privacy at all and everybody would know your business. Imagine washing your night clothes that only your husband is meant to see and hanging them in front of your in laws 😂 We rented a small flat and everything was fine. Nowadays, people think they need to "own" a house, they're too ashamed to rent. I believe living separately helped our marriage be where it is now
your right most people in this comment section are just brainwashed by their culture tbh as a brother i could never let my wife live in the same house as other people
Every case is different, some live with their parents because they are old and or ill and require physical assistance sometimes. Some might live with their parents, siblings or not, because in today's age, especially in the Western part of the world; ● Buying a house without resourcing to usury from a bank loan is virtually impossible. ● Renting is an option but with landlords asking for down-payments and 3 to 5 rents in advance to be in a position later on after this enormous financial effort by the man of being kicked out for whatever reason. (do not forget suing requires lawyers and lawyers fees are very expensive). In the end you end up having to move, along with a family, your belongins which will also require a van, rented, or hiring moving services companies who charge very high by the hour, all expected to be arranged and done by the man, to a place where the same can happen, as landlords are very weary of making long period contracts to avoid problems in kicking out unruly people legally. I myself live with my parents and help them because they are old and ill, I don't have any other family to help them and I have been looking to get married for years, yet rejection is very common for this reason - so what am I supposed to do? ● Abandon my parents after they raised and nurtered me when I could not? ● Stay unmarried until I no longer look good, weak and have lost my youth? There are some challenges to overcome living with in-laws, but there are way more for the men who have to resource finances, savings and stress to sustain the entire marriage process and after - especially with many women now a days who cannot even make an omelette, act like brainwashed feminists and want take their examples from internet/celebrity personas. Let us be realistic and aware of the world we live in.
@@almurabitun He DID state a fact. You must SEE outside. Even TODAY, people ( in Ind, Pak and Bgl) cannot afford their own houses, let alone get separate properties for both the parents or the spouse. Having said that, it is also true that, troubles do happen a lot in joint families, pressure does build up and there are pretty tough times too. If only all are rich like Arabs or other middle eastern people. :)
@@rbmrbm-gx3st you see. I am not against staying alone. But why is it so difficult for you to comprehend the fact that, in South asian countries, people cannot AFFORD houses. That's 90% of the time.
In laws should live close enough so you can go every day and within walking distance but not same house. Lived with in laws and then in laws lived with us. Was a disaster. Never had any privacy day or night. Always people over. Always judged. Constantly making food and tea. Cleaning house always a mess. People popping in kids staying over. Nowhere was off limits including the bedroom.
True, here in some cultures the women aren't allowed to even close the door of her bedroom all day except at night. Anyone comes inn any time and don't even bother to knock.
Well one side is that, if there are unamrried siblings who can take care of the parents, then you should be looking at your own place. Also, it's gonna be awkward when you're trying to get hot n' heavy whilst your family is just across the hall.😅
The guy in the white shirt made so many valid points as to why people live with in-laws and actually brought the other side of the arguement on his own, so well done to him! Maybe a more diverse panel in future? So beforehand you know there are three people arguing for and three people arguing against ?
I used to live that life and its a nightmare. Its worse when you wear a niqab. You can't eat with everyone else. Cover face all the time. Wear abaya 24/7. Adult brother in laws in the house. Couldnt even have long showers or do ablution peacefully because people were always waiting or i was waiting for others to come out of toilet. Embarrasing but once I couldn't hold it...thank Allah I left that slavery
Same here sister it was just horrible especially when they lied to me that my brother in laws new wife will live with us too but she lived separate. They tried to fool me and made me a maid in the house because his mom was bored. As her daughter left her now I had to look after her. She wasn't sick or anything like that just bored at home. And I had to entertain her. I spent 2 years caged at home because she didn't like to go out entertaining her and I also lived with my brothers in law once they by mistake entered room and saw me without hijab and many other things happened when my privacy was invaded it was hell for me and I wouldn't suggest it to anyone. If a man wants to live with his parents and they don't really need assistance he is just lazy and stingy. He shouldn't be allowed to get married at all because he will abuse and oppress the woman he marries .
@@razamughal9095 yes I did and don't regret it as I found someone who made me happy and also takes care of his parents too. I didn't have unrealistic expectations we lived in studio flat and had very small wedding just Nikah. And went out to eat. If a woman is willing to live like that I believe you can live separate and my husband doesn't earn a lot. But we are happy as it is. And bare in mind in my first marriage I was looking after his mom which had 4 kids while my mom was alone in a foreign country no one cared for her! As I'm the only daughter! So yeah I find some men selfish and hiding behind taking care of their parents while it's actually their wives who cook clean and take care of husbands parents while neglecting their own parents !!!!
When i got married all of my husbands siblings lived with us and his married sister. His mom left two weeks after with her husband. She told my brother in laws they have to use our bathroom because the other bathrooms are reserved for the sisters. My mother in law then called me and told me her other sons are my sons as well So there’s no hijab with them. I was suppose to baby them and I did while Being pregnant otherwise my husband would hear crap. Where I was suppose to be up at 8 in morning their daughters slept till 12 or 3pm. Asking for cooked food. We eventually moved out after 3 years. My in-laws were mad. In-laws and especially Asian ones say you are their daughter only to abuse you. There’s a stark difference between how they treat their daughters and others.
@@Musaiftekhar lies. Don't lie on Islam. A woman is not required by obedience to do things for her inlaws. It is in fact sadaqah and if she does it she will be rewarded. If she doesn't cook and clean for her mother in law she will not be sinful.
As an Arab dude, we kinda have something similar in villages and farm areas but nothing close to what south Asians do… I feel like people are being judgmental on this… Zeeshan is being unfairly judged here… at the heart of it it comes from necessity, maybe because of land… but personally in my family my mother has a room in every sons house or apartment… she knows she is welcomed everywhere. This is very important especially when the father passes away… my mom has one in my house and she comes and stays… she usually sides with my wife on everything tho lol
That's so nice.She visits and stays at each son's place , I'm wondering does she stay at her own place alone or with a son's family? No offense just wondering
With all do respect, the pakistani brother is not completely accurate as I have india and pakistani family background....it comes from the Hindu culture not from British.
I noticed a lot of Asians talk about the housing market being so expensive for rent or buying so they are suggesting wives live with the family. Yet this is the same demographic that will casually spent £50,000 for a wedding! A single night! That’s several years of rent or a downpayment. So clearly it’s not money that is your concern. It’s having the wrong priorities. You would rathe have a couple extra bands a month to spend on traveling and useless posessions than giving their wife the DIGNITY of her own space where she can let her hair down.
Absolutely correct. There are people with money and they have enough to buy or rent their own property. Yet, they will still expect the wife to live with the husbands parents cause its "traditional" culturally. There are so many problems I have heard from this and its insane. The only time I feel this would be feasible is if the husband father or mother are terminally ill and need to be looked after. But if they are healthy and fine then there is no need for this living with in laws. Allhumdulliah Islam gives women the right to choose, and discussing these matters before marriage is important.
Imagine starting a new relationship with little to no privacy...and having to wear hijab inside your own home due to annoying brother inlaws hanging about everywhere. Just nope! I could not live like that. Hopefully the new generation of desi Kids will abolish this Hindu tradition of joint-family system...
Everybody's situation and family is different. When I got married 17 years ago, we lived with my mum for two years until we could afford our own place. Then we lived on our own for 14 years. Now my wife's mother lives with us due to changed circumstances. Such is life, there is no one way of doing such things, as life is a test and we all go through different phases in our lives.
Every case is different, some live with their parents because they are old and or ill and require physical assistance sometimes. Some might live with their parents, siblings or not, because in today's age, especially in the Western part of the world; ● Buying a house without resourcing to usury from a bank loan is virtually impossible. ● Renting is an option but with landlords asking for down-payments and 3 to 5 rents in advance to be in a position later on after this enormous financial effort by the man of being kicked out for whatever reason. (do not forget suing requires lawyers and lawyers fees are very expensive). In the end you end up having to move, along with a family, your belongins which will also require a van, rented, or hiring moving services companies who charge very high by the hour, all expected to be arranged and done by the man, to a place where the same can happen, as landlords are very weary of making long period contracts to avoid problems in kicking out unruly people legally. I myself live with my parents and help them because they are old and ill, I don't have any other family to help them and I have been looking to get married for years, yet rejection is very common for this reason - so what am I supposed to do? ● Abandon my parents after they raised and nurtered me when I could not? ● Stay unmarried until I no longer look good, weak and have lost my youth? There are some challenges to overcome living with in-laws, but there are way more for the men who have to resource finances, savings and stress to sustain the entire marriage process and after - especially with many women now a days who cannot even make an omelette, act like brainwashed feminists and want take their examples from internet/celebrity personas. Let us be realistic and aware of the world we live in.
your wife's mother living with you and you got 100 + like but you would tell the same thing that your mother lives with you due to situation you maybe hate comments from women
If a Muslim man foolishly decides to move his wife into his parents’ house where his brother(s) live, then he does so at his own RISK! A man once asked the prophet SAW about his brother living or visiting or being around his wife in his absence, and our Prophet’s advice was: Your brother is like DEATH! Meaning, don’t trust ANY man even your brother near your wife in your absence. So, having your wife live under the same roof as your brother or even father, is RECKLESS & DUMB as hell! Too many affairs happen under the roofs where extended families live. Sisters, marry a man who can afford to buy or rent his own house, even if it means marrying a more older, mature BUT financially stable man where you are not required to work as well 🙏
It is good that paternity tests are not mandatory, else it would be found than even in Muslim societies, quite a few kids were fathered by their father's brothers if they stayed ina a joint family.
Too true wallahi. I've lived in an extended family all my life and all I see is clashes and blame games. Not to say there isn't those moments of affection, but living in a nuclear family definitely minimises all those problems a whole lot.
Will living on your own make life a paradise? Unless you married a 40 year old you is now well off, life on your own will mean being financially tight for a loooong time. Is it worth it?
I think it is important for husband and wife to live separately and have their own space to get to know one another and build a strong foundation for marriage and also bringing up children. When living with in-laws you are not only getting to know your husband and learning about each other, you also have the added pressure to get to know the in-laws too. In-laws may interfere etc and that's not healthly for the married couple.
You are 100% correct. That is exactly why I live separately from my family. But it is not always possible due to certain circumstances e.g., finances, elderly parents.
While I do agree, it's almost important to mention that every situation is different too. When my and my husband got married almost 9 years ago. We was young and my husband wasn't in the financial position for us to live separately and comfortably at the beginning and I knew going into the marriage I would have to live with my husbands sister and brother in law and their 2 children temporarily Atleast for a year or a couple of years. I compromised and move in and alhamdulilah it worked out good for us, they let us live our own life, at points their was disagreements and misunderstandings like with any family but me and my husband moved out happily after 2 years by choice when we was able to afford our own house,but my first child was born whilst living with my sister in law and it brought me very close to her and we bonded and have had a very strong relationship since that point and as my family live far away it was amazing having her their as a first time mum and helping with my new baby and it made us have a strong relationship and we are still close to this day we are together almost every weekend if not every weekend every other weekend as a family so I actually found it helped and benefitted me alot. I also am close family friends with one family who live with the mother and father in law and they have done so for years and live happily. Every situation is different and some times living with in laws does work out as long as the in laws are willing to give the couple space, don't get too involved and let them do what they want to do it can work and can be a happy living situation.
@@zaynabdaniyal The key thing you mentioned was that 'Your husband could not afford to move out'. A lot of women these days suggest that a man who can't afford to move out should not even consider getting married. In-spite of the fact that over 50% of the population in London probably could not afford to rent a 1 bed property let alone buy one. Men who can't afford to move out are considered immature and not ready for marriage. It's good that your life with in-laws went well. It is not the same for everyone as you have mentioned. But a man not moving out due to practical reasons is considered un acceptable these days.
I would never defend my son or daughter if I saw them oppressing their spouse. I could never be dishonest to myself and also teach my child that it’s ok to oppress… Never…
@@12gmkk29 well I would never keep quiet if I saw my kids being oppressive… Allah says we should be, just even if it’s against our family… Sura nisa 135: O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm in justice, witnesses for Allāh, even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives. Whether one is rich or poor, Allāh is more worthy of both.1 So follow not [personal] inclination, lest you not be just. And if you distort [your testimony] or refuse [to give it], then indeed Allāh is ever, of what you do, Aware.
my mum is very elderly and relay on me alot, I have no other men living in my house, Alhamdullilah my wife, children, sister and my mother we all live together, dont get me wrong the a good times and rough times but its down to me to keep a fair balance, if these new modern muslimahs telling me to duck out and leave my mum they can jog on mate, InshaAllah i will do service for my mother for the sake of Allah.
Nobody is telling you to duck out. People are just getting emotional here and conflating different scenarios with each other. Some women are okay with that arrangement, and others are not, and depending on given circumstances, neither one is in the wrong.
Unfortunately some brothers lie or their families go shaitan mode - causes the daughter in law hell and sadness. It’s true in South Asian homes they do treat the daughter in laws bad and inhumane
Nowadays a shift has happened where it's almost opposite the daughter-in-law is or bad and humane and the in-laws themselves are actually trying to make it work
I’m a revert from Brazil, when I heard Muslims in South Asia and Middle East still live with their parents and siblings after marrying I thought it was the weirdest thing ever, lol.
Yeah that is the biggest factor of asian girls going for non-asian guys, they want to be with an asian man but their parents ruin it. Another reason is the girl having problems with her own family too like her dad or mum and thar causes her to not be close to ethnicity and culture. Most times that's what I hear and rarely because of reasons like they don't find them attractive or stuff like that. I know one asian girl who abandoned Islam astagfirullah because she had issues with her dad aka daddy issues and now she's dating and pregnant with a black guy but this black guy isn't a good guy since he's a drug dealer
Being a kashmiri, I can tell you what happens here. Kashmiri women don't even think of living in a seperate accommodation or living in privacy because it's considered as selfishness and talking about maher , you are labelled as a goldgigger and if you live in a village you are labelled as shameless if u ask for ur share in the property and in cities women are forced to give their golden jewelries to their in-laws. And in case you want khula you have to pay this man who never payed ur maher... And if this is not happening in her life then she still has to face her in-laws who make her do chores to the extent that it becomes difficult for her to look fresh and clean and it becomes difficult to give attention to the husband and work on the marriage...And men here justify this by saying "women have to make their husbands happy and if this makes him happy then she should do it...." In case you justify you desire to live seperately in an islamic way, you are taunted and compared withe the female companions of the PROPERTY (SAW)... there are no islam rights for a women in Kashmir... THE SADDEST PART IS THAT EVEN SOME AULAMA HERE TRY TO JUSTIFY ALL THIS...
Zeeshan is totally in denial about reality and defensive about his culture/background. We have economically disadvantaged immigrants in The Netherlands as well (Moroccans, Turks, Somalies, Iraqies, etc) but none of them make a habit of living with their in-laws. You can't correct something crooked if you're not willing acknowledge it's crooked in the first place. Also, living in different storeys? That's still way too close. If you got the money why not live a couple blocks away? It's because it's ingrained in the culture and you're still trying to hold onto it.
That's y a lot of those men are immature. They never grow up into strong independent men and their mothers become too attached to them and compete with their daughter in law and get jealous.
I personally believe that if you are a guy then you need to get your own place before even marriage. You need to provide your wife with a space where she can freely move and for you to build a healthy relationship.
Remember guys none of the Sahabah’s when they got married ever lived with their parents. This is definitely a cultural thing and personally it’s not healthy, the only way my parents will move into my family is if she is severely ill or financially unstable. But I will try to get her into her own home because I can never feel comfortable and be intimate with my wife if I know my parents are in the home haha
This is issue in some cultures but not soemthing i have to worry about. In our somali community newly married couple are given so much space and encouraged to move to their own home so they can be quick with that grandbabies😂 traditionally after a baby is born then the mother of the wife will come to stay for a month to help with newborn ,thats how it was for me..plus i didnt have a wedding just nikkah and lunch for the whole community and we used the money for furniture and a comfortable house❤ i think it's really decision for both wife and husband to make on whether to live with in laws or have own space before getting married. More wives need to raise their voices on issues effecting them beforehand to save themselves from headache later😢 i see alot of sisters in the muslim community are in unhappy or abusive homes here in Australia walah😢
Alhamdulilah I didn’t have to ask my husband already knew and we established this before marriage . I have a great relationship with in laws . My MIL in fact wanted him to get his own place . As she always said in marriage one shouldn’t feel like one is living in prison . And I wouldn’t be able to be free of be able to walk around even in my pjs in the current situation . My mother also was happy with this. I know of women who are literally stuck in their bedrooms . Some don’t even eat or skip meals cause they can’t face Anyone . So sad However I am aware people can’t afford to get a place .
Imagine having to walk on egg shells, have intimacy with your in laws next door AND wear hijab in your own house 🤨. Every girl that has brothers has experienced having to wear hijab at home bc your brother had friends over or something, it’s annoying. Now imagine having to do that everyday? It’s suffocating. If you’re struggling financially you should probably get that sorted out before you decide to take a woman away from her comfortable living situation with her family. The least you can give her is a property, she can roam comfortably in. It’s not even about disliking your in-laws or not, they could be lovely people. It’s about boundaries. Living with in-laws feels too invasive. Also If your husband has a brother, he might be your brother in law, but he is not your mahram!That means you’re living with a non mahram, you’re free mixing. How is that appropriate?
The least you can give her is a property? she didn't marry a prince. this is why people fall into adultery because women expect the world which in today's economic environment isn't possible for a man to provide as a result they stay single too, Why would you wear hijab next to your mother and father-in-law
Women with your mentality deserve to be in a prison once you get married. You the type to make a man pick u over his mother. Never wife a thort like this lads. And ur name is naima u toxic *****
Asking a man to provide a house or even rent his own place in London today is what's absurd... We have got to this point in time where most couples before us did live with laws... And there are many from them who are successfully married still with years of experience... What happens when the couple has kids... They still continue being intimate outside their own room and wearing whatever they want etc?
@@mizbrob7703 well put! people are on such high horse these days w.r.t living standards.. would they accept a basic one room place where they have to work and take care of it like the Ummahat-ul-mumineen did. I'm not saying that Islamic boundaries of pardah, free mixing etc should be neglected but people have streched the definition of 'providing for a wife to marry'
@@mizbrob7703 Okay, then move out of London. See if you want to be a dayooth and let your brothers see her roaming the house or being limited with intimacy then go ahead
Salam brothers and sisters I got married young and we lived with parents happy privacy was a issue but we made it work May Allah grant my mother the highest rank jannah tul firdos My mother said (To my wife) "you are my daughter now and forever" She made these words true. I felt like my mother was on my wife's side all the time 😅 every discussion and argument. My mother supported my wife like a real daughter and it showed. Before my mother passed My wife cared for my mother more than my own sister. ❤ May Allah give My wife all she deserves and may Allah give me enough to provide this. The stereotypical view is inlaws treating the person very badly. I hope this isn't common as these brothers and sisters have made me think it is.
That's good but imagine the wife's mother is also ill. Why must she live her mother in law and not her own mother, heaven is at her mothers feet not mother in laws feet. She has an islamic duty to her parents also which is always overlooked in favor of the husbands parents.
I think that your Mother was so kind to her made it easy for your Wife to take care of her as she made it also out of Love and Respect for you Mother. It is so Important that we dont see the Person just as Daughter or Mother but as an Individual with an Personality, hobbys, likes and dislikes so there can be also Friendship.
@@n.m.9121 I think that applies if the wife doesn’t have any brother who can take care of their mom. It falls on the son. When wife gets married, her heaven is under husband feet and his heaven is under his parents feet. So her in laws become her new parents basically.
Interesting topic, i think in an ideal world having your parents or inlaws within walking distance is the best option, maintain privacy and also close enough to be able to come over and help if needed
A lot of South Asians become rich or poor depending on the circumstances They have money for buying endless property back home, they have money for grand weddings, they have money for investments here and there , they have money for extended families in the home country, but they suddenly become poor when it comes to renting a small apartment for a new couple near the parents home. As someone whose home broke apart because of squabbling mother in law and wife, I regret not spending on a small apartment for my wife instead of living with my family, though even that was my property as well.
Let’s not forget, a lot of Pakistanis marry their own cousins, so therefore the bride is actually moving in to her uncle or auntie’s house, so she’s basically moving in to her family lol
Of course we should take care of the elderly parents. But it doesn’t mean you have to live with the in-laws from the wedding until they die. Newlyweds especially need their own space and time to get to know each other. You can live close to them or temporarily live with them, but you also need to establish yourselves as a married couple. I have lived with the in-laws for many years, and went in with open mind. But it is complicated and you will need patience.
Every case is different, some live with their parents because they are old and or ill and require physical assistance sometimes. Some might live with their parents, siblings or not, because in today's age, especially in the Western part of the world; ● Buying a house without resourcing to usury from a bank loan is virtually impossible. ● Renting is an option but with landlords asking for down-payments and 3 to 5 rents in advance to be in a position later on after this enormous financial effort by the man of being kicked out for whatever reason. (do not forget suing requires lawyers and lawyers fees are very expensive). In the end you end up having to move, along with a family, your belongins which will also require a van, rented, or hiring moving services companies who charge very high by the hour, all expected to be arranged and done by the man, to a place where the same can happen, as landlords are very weary of making long period contracts to avoid problems in kicking out unruly people legally. I myself live with only my parents after having lived abroad and worked alone and now help them because they are old and ill, I don't have any other family to help them and I have been looking to get married for years, yet rejection is very common and quick to come, and it takes an emotional toll on the man having to experience rejection repeatedly for years from the opposite gender, shoving under the carpet his aspirations and goals over and over again whilst being aware of people who are married and have wives and children around you, but all is easily brushed aside because you are a man - so what am I supposed to do? ● Abandon my parents after they raised and nurtered me when I could not? ● Stay unmarried until I no longer look good, weak and have lost my youth? There are some challenges to overcome living with in-laws, but there are way more for the men who have to resource finances, savings and stress to sustain the entire marriage process and after - especially with many women now a days who cannot even make an omelette, act like brainwashed feminists and want take their examples from internet/celebrity personas. Let us be realistic and aware of the world we live in.
@@tsr1903 May Allah reward you for taking care of your parents. I know how it is in the West. Me and my husband started with nothing and we both had to work, and at times we were living with his relatives or had them live with us. It is not ideal, especially since some of them were not mahram to me. Sacrifices have to be made, and it is unreasonable to expect to have everything ready for you. Women have such high expectations these days. I married my husband when he had nothing and would still be here if he lost everything. Inshallah you will find a humble Muslim lady who will stand by you.
I wouldn’t want to live with my in laws, simply because I want my future husband to able to be the leader in our household and establish the tone for how he wants things to run and the environment he wants to create. Unfortunately his leadership would undermined if we were living under his fathers roof, because you have to respect the rules and customs of another person’s home. I don’t see this as a positive thing for a newly married couple, especially not in my generation (gen z).
In that culture the men do not become leaders of the household until the parents are very old / passed away 😂, at which point you will likely be grandparents.
These discussions are so important and necessary! Thank you for developing this show- may Allah give this project barakah and support those who need to hear these talks the most 🤲🏽 ameen
Women are abit too angry about it considering its a choice that they have. If you didn't have a choice then the person who's restricting you isn't worthy of you. Forget his raw good looks think about the long run. 🤷♂️
As a Paksitani and living in a joint family.. and living in this society since birth..living with inlaws has alot of bad effects on the marriage... no privacy..living with brother inlaws and their wives together.... people having hatred in their hearts toward each other.. children getting caught in the family politics..
I am second generation in the UK and its odd how those parents left their own parents in another country and lived a life with their spouse thousands of miles away from their own parents.
@@Musaiftekhar I don't think he did it on purpose. He could've genuinely forgotten or perhaps he didn't knew the Hindu roots of it. Or perhaps, like most Pakistanis, he's too ashamed to admit that at one point in time long long ago, most of us desis were idol worshipers.
Well one side is that, if there are unamrried siblings who can take care of the parents, then you should be looking at your own place. Also, it's gonna be awkward when you're trying to get hot n' heavy whilst your family is just across the hall.😅
@@MS-dc2tt Married Couple should go to a Motel? Are you ok? And why should Parents leave when the Couple wants Intimicy? Just let the Parents stay at their Home and the unmarried Siblings can take care of them.
@@MS-dc2tt there isn’t.. when you want to have the total freedom to be intimate with ur spouse no matter how much privacy you get it still is not the same as when you are living seperate
Don't judge every family is different . I will be looking to move my wife into my room . It Is spacious and big. So spacious my youngest brother will be in the same room .
Too many mummy’s boys. Holding on to there mums sarees. Stop the pathetic 50k weddings and manage your time so you can still see your parents after moving out. Trying to make it sound like other cultures don’t have good relations with there parents because they don’t live together for life. I’m Bengali btw and it’s too common. Let go of the saree.
As-salamu alaykum Ali Dawah, In Islam, the decision of whether or not brides should live with in-laws is not a black and white issue. There are various factors that need to be considered, and the decision should be made based on the specific circumstances of each family. The Quran and Sunnah emphasize the importance of maintaining good relations with in-laws and treating them with kindness and respect. Allah (SWT) says in Surah An-Nisa, verse 36: "Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good, and to relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbor, the neighbor farther away, the companion at your side, the traveler, and those whom your right hands possess. Indeed, Allah does not like those who are self-deluding and boastful." The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) also advised Muslims to be kind to their in-laws and treat them as their own family members. He said: "The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives. Treat your women well, and be kind to your in-laws" (Tirmidhi). However, Islam also recognizes the importance of privacy and maintaining a separate household. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "The best houses are those that are spacious and ample, and the worst houses are those that are cramped and confining" (Muslim). There is some expert evidence and statistical data that suggests that living with in-laws can have both positive and negative effects on marital satisfaction. Some studies have shown that living with in-laws can lead to increased conflict and stress, while other studies have shown that it can increase social support and reduce financial strain. In conclusion, the decision of whether or not brides should live with in-laws in Islam is not a simple "yes" or "no" answer. It depends on a variety of factors, including cultural traditions, personal preferences, individual circumstances, and the ability to maintain good relations and privacy. Islam emphasizes the importance of maintaining good relations with in-laws, while also recognizing the importance of privacy and maintaining a separate household. Ultimately, the decision should be made based on what is best for all parties involved.
Well said! There is no one-size fits all solution. Every married couple is different. The focus is to make the marriage happy and peaceful. For some this means having your own home & for others it means sharing your home with an extended family.
@@Therebelliousprince001 I believe every mother would not want their children are exposed to any sort of abuse from their abuser hence why they take that decision
I live with my husbands parents and grandparents. Alhamdulillah I say alhamdulillah for that. Allaah has given me an opportunity to in shaa Allaah gain rewards by doing any sort of little but of khidmah that I can. It's absurd the way women speak about in laws... In fact it's quite hurtful. As a daughter of a single mother who only has 1 daughter and 1 son... If my brother was to move out what's my mum meant to do? She's old... She lives by herself? We put her in an old people's home? It's crazy. Besides, proof of the wife doing khidmah of in laws is proven by the Hadith where Jabir radhiyallahu anhu got married to an elderly woman and when nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم asked him why he didn't marry someone younger, he said it was so that the elder wife would look after and teach his little sisters.... If this was wrong Nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم would have said it... But he didn't. Our Deen is a Deen of compassion... If the in laws are nice people then why not do their khidmah? What about when we get old? Would we want all our children to leave us whilst we continue getting older and weaker and yet we have to do everything ourselves? Obviously it's a different story if the in laws are not nice people or there's genuine problems with hijab and brother in laws.. I've got 2 brother in laws and they respect my niqab... I don't even have to wear a niqab around the house because they don't enter if they know I'm somehwere and I don't go where they are... When there's a will, there's a way If someone wants to make something happen they can And its crazy how people say I wanna be free with my wife/husband and not have anyone seeing etc... What about when you have kids?? What's happening to the Ummah bruh
Heaven is under the feet of the mother. As a woman living with her in law how are you supposed to support you own mother? Why would it fall to her daughter in law? Neglecting your own parents and the responsibility you have towards them to look after the parents of your husband is unacceptable and frankly despicable. Another thing is the wife deserves privacy especially if there are men in the house that are not part of her Muharram. Free mixing is forbidden.
And what happens when the mother in law doesn't have her own daughters? After marriage a woman's priority is her husband, not her parents. And a husband is meant to allow the wife to see her family at least once a week... And exceptions are to be made in circumstances when there are none to look after her parents also... Like I said our Deen is a Deen of compassion... Alhamdulillah I see my mother many times and when I do, I do as much as I can for her... I'd be careful about making comments about things being despicable especially if they are permissible in the Deen... It is not haram or even makrooh to do khidmah of one's in laws... If we accept that the man's job is to provide income and the woman's job is to look after the home, then that includes looking after those who reside in the home.. If she doesn't want to do that she needs to make it clear from beforehand But that doesn't mean our Deen says a woman shouldn't... Like I said...nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم didn't say anything when Jabir radhiyallahu anhu married so that his wife could teach HIS sisters...
It doesn't fall on the daughter in law It falls on the son, to find a wife who will help support his mother the way every daughter would want to support her own mother...And he will also help support ... If a woman lives far from her own family how is she meant to support them? What kind of world have we turned into لا حول ولا قوة الا بالله
Just by the title alone, I would say Absolutely not. You don't get married and move out of your parents home, just to live with someone else's family. And you hear too many horror stories.
True. Abused by the brother in laws while the husbands at work The creepy uncle or grandpa inlaw Husband are told to protect the wife yet some only think with there body part
@@fabriceharris3364 find yourself a woman who agrees with that lifestyle but don't call women who don't want it feminists. It's not wrong to have a preference.
If a daughter in law even talks about getting a new place they will be considered as evil and " son snatcher" in the sub continent ( i belong to one) people don't want their sons to marry women who are hafiza etc because they know their rights. I heard an Islamic teachings lecturer say that they don't speak about girl rights in college and schools because if they do and girls find out their rights , they won't be able to get married. A boy will obviously want to live with their parents especially if they are old but remember that your parents are also humans as your wife and can make mistakes too. So have guts to point it out to your mom or dad if they are wrong just as you do to your wife. Because men in many cases say their wife to tolerate their parents behavior because they are old and are mostly blind to their parents faults. If my son is to get married may Allah give me strength to let them live in a different place.
Average person with no knowledge on deen men don’t need to women do same way men need to provide a house women don’t do don’t speak on something as a women about what men should do when u can’t do something wonem should do
Zeshan was talking in a way that went over the sister's heads with the earrings, he was talking about how the culture came over to the UK and it was about financial stability, but in this day of age there is not much of that needed now, therefore, you can live separated from your in-laws and mindsets has changed explain is the sister in the earings. Asians are now selling their lands back home and splitting them also making individual homes.,
From what I have seen in my community I think it's better to live separately. Majority of in laws in my country especially the parents see their daughter in law as their property. The way these parents in law even treat daughter in laws is very toxic and bad. And they use Islam to justify their abusive behaviour. In Islam it says that children should serve their parents. But in Islam of these abusive parents it is daughter in law who should serve. Funny thing is the Son is not even in the picture. And if the son tries to defend his wife from the psychological abuse of his parents Islam is used to shut the son up. Even the Imams and scholars who give long speech during Walima send the message that daughter in law should treat her in laws as her own parents and should serve them.
Just to add to brother Zeeshan’s point about where the culture is changing, it’s changing amongst the next generation who are born and raised in the English culture and whilst we may maintain some aspects of the Asian culture, we also adopt some positive aspects of the English culture too, education helps enormously in this regard. So the mindset towards marriage and in laws is changing amongst the Asian community
Naaa just rent why do we need to buy an actual home in the dunya and unfortunately many Muslims in the West get mortgages 🤦🏾♂️. We are here only temporarily but because we have become poisoned money money it seems we need a big home with a big garden with big cars etc
@@MohamedShou I agree with you. This dunya ain;t worth the enslavement towards a mortgage. + you'd be making war with Allah by taking out these riba home loans. However woman's hypergamy tends to differ.
@@MohamedShou ain’t nobody tryna be stuck living check to check,it’s better to b financially free before getting married get money until 25 get married and do you.modern days it’s hard to find a good lady like r mothers
@@RaeesJacobsMost women are average and not working amazing jobs to have high standards. Also women’s value decreases every year the older they get and there’s been too many examples of older women in the 35-45 range who have made this mistake of being too choosy and finding that their options have decreased dramatically. They are regretting their past choices because when it comes down to it, you can’t change biology, once the window of fertility goes away it’s very hard to get it back. Women need to be more realistic and drop the high standards before it’s too late, or they will end up in the same predicament as these older women, find a good compatible brother who is responsible and hard working and who fears Allah, and you are at least somewhat physically and mentally attracted to because good hearted men are just as rare as rich men. Then learn to compromise and grow with that person because who how do you know you will find a good person again. Foregoing hypergamy is a smarter choice than holding onto it waiting forever and then missing out on the boat later on. There is nothing desirable about being single. The market is fierce after 35-38 for most women. You want to be alone forever or do you want to get your head straight and learn to cooperate with an average man? The choice is theirs.
(Male, Convert) Interesting points made on both sides, Ideally yes I believe in seperate accomodation. However in the real world, this costs far more than it used to. I'm weighing up the option to get married, as my cost of living will go up 10 fold if I do. I'm weighing up the cost to benefit and I'm failing to see it, especially as its seen as a right. Not much appreciation is given to rights, but I believe my window is closing. Personally I blame the british government, banks, inflated workforce and our culture, seeing housing as a commodity. I imagine many brothers would have no issue providing good accomodation. If it wasnt for excessive costs for the basic staples of life.
Same here im no convert and living with in laws is not a thing in Somali cultures but alhamdulillah I know my mother will not cause me issues so if I do get married im asking my husband to move in so we don't have to rent and suffer this crazy inflation. My energy bill alone is a musibah. End of the day the way I see it. It all comes down to your manners and boundaries, you can make it work if people are understanding and respectful of each other. The problems arise when culture takes presidency over Islam. Anywho nothing wrong with living with your in laws if they are sane lol
50% elders moved out when they married cuz they move or migrated to another country allowing total freedom learning to respect appreciate and support there marriage And give there children a better future 50% were forced or not willing to move out either financially they did not want full responsibility of looking after a wife Or they were blackmailed by there parents to stay with them forever Ending in the moms become slaves maids to his family No shame no privacy just a bitter abusive marriage with no mercy happy or blessings till death
@@Musaiftekhar agree! it’s all down to fear of abandonment and also financial issues since they were forced to give there lifesaving and retirement funds to their sides of the families So they expect their children to financially support them
Personally, even if the in-laws are such nice people (may Allah grant us all nice in-laws, ameen) I’d still MUCH prefer to have my future husband have his own place before we even get married. My in-laws and I can be nice to each other- but from a distance 😬
What you need to understand is the wife is marrying the man not his family. I am my wife companion as she chose me and I chose her. We consult amongst each other and don’t need our elders to dictate our life (this is where the problem starts)
I am not Asian but even I am still forced to live with in-laws…..and living with in-laws was 1 of my 2 deal breakers for marriage. But here I am, 11 years married. Having spent almost all of those years with in-laws. And will spend many more years like this, until they die, I die, or my husband dies. My husband tells me “What can I do?” And why do parents find it acceptable to force themselves onto their kids? Male sons in particular??? My in-laws did not have to live with their parents. My husbands sisters do not live with in-laws. And I am literally the only person I know who lives with in-laws. Does it make me happy? No. I hate it. Makes me feel miserable to be in my own home most days. No privacy. No space. And a whole host of other issues.
Ali dawah you are destroying yourself and repent to Allah for spit on our religion in this way, showing sisters in your videos talking about shameless things. May Allah forgive you
The lady in the gray head scarfs right around the 26:00 onwards mark I think. The in laws even if well off will expect the daughter in law to live with them coz that’s all they know about how a family should be. My personal experience is the same. I actually get emotional blackmailed every time we visit my in laws that we ain’t living there. We are a combined family of 16 and my parents in law expect us to live in the same house without any conflict. 3 brothers their wives and two of these brothers have 3 kids each and one has two, two of these kids are now in their teens and the others are 5 and below. This is not practical and if all the women of the house enter the tiny kitchen it becomes suffocating at times. One daughter in law of the house pretends to be a victim that she has to clean everyone else’s mess when in reality there isn’t one but 3 women actually fully contributing which includes the mother in law in the work but one of them thinks that she’s the only one and accuses the others of not doing anything, when in reality only one daughter in law isn’t contributing but the one contributing is now actually being accused of being lazy and sitting in her room with her husband when in reality she had to spend time with her husband and work on her relationship with her husband, which this particular ‘victim’ can’t do for herself so she out of jealousy has to constantly make the lives of the other daughter in laws hell by lying to the parents in laws. Like this is not a healthy environment. I don’t agree with the guy in the white dress shirt coz the majority still wants to force the young kids to live in a joint family. I know a family where a mother wants a daughter in law so she takes over her job of cooking and cleaning!
قال رسول الله - صلى الله عليه وسلم -: ((كلمتان خفيفتان على اللسان، ثقيلتان في الميزان، حبيبتان إلى الرحمن: سبحان الله وبحمده، سبحان الله العظيم))؛ متفق عليه
Brother Zeeshan spoke really well. It's important to know why the problem is in order to better understand it. With all due respect, it went over the head of the sister and could see the aggression in her voice even though he already clearly mentioned his viewpoint. Have more of brother Zeeshan he is an excellent speaker.
Not every culture is used to this. Mine certainly isn’t.. we look after our parents of course, and if they are sick, elderly, alone we wouldn’t hesitate to live with them. But alhamdulilah there is no pressure or even desire from them or us to live with them before that. The understanding that newly weds and married couples in general, need privacy, is just incomprehensible to some. Very weird..
Why is free mixing just because they’re “discussing” topics? Brother I’m pretty sure you could have don’t that via zoom and other online applications instead of face to face (literally) interaction when it is not needed.
If my husband can’t provide me something as basic as a living space, then Id book it to the marriage court immediately. Your wife deserves her own house, period. Not only is living with in-laws uncomfortable, it’s also inhumane. Subhanallah, is this not your wife? Do you not have any Shame? She deserves her own living space with her husband, kid’s and herself. If her husband cannot provide something as simple as that, than maybe reconsider getting married in the first place.
I'm a man and from the south Asian background and all those points raised about problems with inlaws is a fact!. Hope ali dawah you do more series on this topic alone
I was craving for a conversation like this between Muslims. Thank you for it but I think the conversation ended up being more problen oriented rather than solution oriented, if that makes sense. I really wanna see a part two where, since there's Muslims from all the different backgrounds, they discuss how they do it in their particular culture. Because of course, they have economic problems too, but how do Malaysians, Turks, Kurds, Afghanis, Iranis, Arabs and others manage it. Because surely in Muslim countries we don't have a culture of abandoning parents. So, living with them can't be the only solution. I think that kind of a discussion will be very fruitful IA
Live separately within walking distance. If parents need frailcare then they could live on the same property with a dedicated helper to assist with cleaning, bathing, etc and son/daughter and dil/bil can both check in everyday when they get off work to ensure they're fine and can help with whatever they can. If one spouse is at home, then a helper can still assist because it's very difficult to do elder care especially if a dil has small kids and her own parents to also check up on then there should be understanding. If elder parents have their own daughter then it wud be ideal to live with their daughter rather than their sons. The sons can pay for their sister to stay home and she can care for their parents instead so that her husband and their wives are not placed in difficult situation. Of course if the bils and dils are willing than that is honourable and a big sadaqa but it should never be something that is forced upon someone as u want ur parent to b taken care of well and not by someone who will resent them.
Its common to live nearby your families so you can visit whenever you like - and care for them if needed. The married brothers and sisters, I know, live in their own homes, some are home owners, others rent. Parents are well into their 60s and 70s. I don't actually know anybody who requires caretaking or assistance. From the comments it seems the problem is specific to certain cultures and communities and it benefits solely the husbands/sons, and it is, as if the second the son gets married, the parents become sick, disabled or extremely dependent. Honestly makes no sense. Wives are daughters too, have parents too and that relationship doesn't stop or vanish onto thin air post marriage. On one hand such guys are unwilling to leave their parents home after marriage, but on the other hand they expect their wives to leave their families and only visit like once a week or so?? You can love, maintain ties with your family, care for them without living with them. If needed, of course you care for your parents but don't expect wives to do it as it is the duty of the children, sons and daughters. It wouldn't matter whether it's the wife's parents or the husband who need looking after. Having inlaws work both ways, but in the comments the inlaws of the women are given superiority and preference, which makes no sense. This is not islam.
May Allah guide you all. What happened to the taking care of parents? Did that become secondary? Most parents need help. This is misguidance letting such misinformed people spread their opinions while thinking they are spreading the sunnah. 11:23
Taking care of the parents is applies to both husband and wife. The husband has to take care of his parents and the wife has hers. However most but not all men assume the wife has to his job of taking care of his parents. If the position was reversed - most husbands get angry if the wife asks the husband to help with her parents. Of course the ideal - both husband and wife mutually help each other since both have aging parents. When I was younger - i received some marriage proposals in which i was told i was expected to serve the parents in laws etc - basically literally told my duties to cook clean serve the parents and his family, not leave the house and not able to meet my family unless he allowed it - too many red flags for me. I heard other muslim girls also get this type of marriage proposal.
Parents don't need us to physically take care of them until they're old or sick. I don't know how old your parents are but mine were young when I got married and they're in their 60's now and are still very much independent and like to travel and have their own space. When they need their kids then usually the expectation is that they move to where their kids are and not the other way around. My dad always told us to do what's best for our own family and to move countries if we got good job opportunities elsewhere rather than be stuck wherever they are. It's selfish to hold your children back and force them to live with you in a place with terrible job prospects just so that they remain close by. If they ever get sick or need us then they'll move into OUR homes. I'm a parent myself and I wouldn't expect my kids to sacrifice their lives and opportunities just because they must take care of me. I'd rather take care of my health so that I wouldn't need them for as long as possible and if God forbid I do, then I'll also have to move into their home rather than expect them to uproot their family and lives for me.
@@Falasteen7urra Thank you! My in Laws are the same. My Mother in Law literally flys alone herself to Türkey to take care of her House there. My Father in Law visits Japan and Amerika. I would live with them as they are wealthy and have always huge space so everyone has still space for themself but if someone says the need to be cared of right now i would laugh cause they are more fit then me! My Mother in Law lives with her Daughter but its her who raises the Kids while her Daughter works hard to provide the Money. I understand if they are like 75+ age that you need to shower them and bring them to toilett and have maybe daily hospiz at Home. But a 40-50 year old Lady cant tell me she needs me to wash her butt. That is a Age where some Women stil have Babys and are active with their Husband and go out to enjoy themself.
@@lilyrosesoul0077 I mean to be honest InshAllah when I do end up reaching the stage of marriage I wouldn’t want my wife to be pressured into having to take care of my parents. I would definitely want to first be able to live alone, provide and also be more distant in terms of privacy
@@lilyrosesoul0077 If the husband is working and taking care of his wife and parents, then there is nothing wrong with him requesting for the wife to take care of his parents. She can reject if she wants to. The reason it wouldn't be reversed is because then the wife will have to be providing. Stop tryna make everything into a gndr war, I presume you're old enough to understand this.
Somali people don’t do that!Islam came to us before the Arabs and the Asians so of course we wouldn’t have any issues when it comes to housing your wife differently to your famiy! Asians are obsessed with their parents. We all have parents but this isn’t healthy at all
I sense masculine energy in few of them sisters sadly , personally I’m not into that at all , also have a Sunnah wedding don’t ask well demand from the male side to provide land , money massive hall & so much more etc..we have to even pay to get in the hall that we paid for in the first place , the brothers & sisters from the bride side will be at the entrance blocking it until you pay to get in so it’s money money money smh , man all this is just too much .!!
@@MH-bf4uu You misunderstood me also what’s me watching videos on RU-vid got to do with anything? Also you seem to know knowledge of the unseen like me watching 👀 SO MANY VIDS ON RU-vid, I’m on about I don’t like to see masculine energy from a woman / or trying to act like a manly type of mannerisms etc are you a male or a female ? lol just asking just curious
May Allah forgive us for all our sins. May He forgive us if we’ve wronged anyone. May He cure all who are sick/inflicted. May He grant us a good end and allow us to see jannah everyday in our graves. May He protect us from every single punishment. May He allow us to receive our book of deeds in our right hand on the day of resurrection and may that day be the happiest day for us under His shade. May He allow us to cross the bridge of sirat faster than a blink of an eye and enter us into the highest jannah. And for our parents, spouses brothers and sisters and for our children and their children. Ameen.
Brother Zeeshan couldn't be more wrong in this regard. I live in Pakistan, and I have family in the US. No Pakistani is just doing it for financial reasons. Even if they had the means (which many do, BTW), they would expect the women to live with the in-laws and be basically a full time maid for free. Not all but most families exploit their daughters-in-law. They, including the husband, become one unit and view this girl as a threat to their family dynamics. I have seen and know loaded people who stigmatize moving out and expect the DIL to live with in-laws for good. Daughters-in-law are treated like crap in such families while sons-in-law are given the utmost protocol. This mindset hails from the Hindu culture. Many of our ancestors were reverts. They rejected the Hindu culture, but we are sadly going back to what they left. This includes multiple parties during a wedding, dowries, beating women, believing it is incumbent on a woman to take care of her in-laws and ask for their permission in every little thing. It wouldn't be wrong to say that these girls are prisoners of their in-laws. I was one of them for years until Allah took me out of that situation, Alhumdulillah. It may have been adopted from the Hindus, but now it has become a part of Pakistani culture, and sadly, they follow it like religion, Aodhubillah. One of my friends is married to a mufti, but even she is stuck in this joint family system despite her parents giving her a house of her own. Most girls tolerate such non-sense either for their parents' honor or for their kids. Neither of which is healthy. May Allah ease life for these women, Aameen.
first of all, I didn’t see a single Asian person. Only Africans are sitting. secondly, in many cultures they live well together, and everything is fine with them. in many countries they cannot immediately afford to live separately... no one said anything about it. thirdly, when a question is raised, different views must be considered. and then 6 people sat down and said the same thing... complete nonsense. stupidity.
I guess this is why speaking before marriage is important. It's difficult to foresee how things in life will unravel, especially with health and finances. There should be some space in the marriage to adapt to change. Life, health and finances never stay the exact same therefore I think it's unreasonable to expect a marriage of 10 years to be identical to day 1 of marriage. Young couples need to be aware that parents may need more of their time when parents are unwell, old or if a disaster has happened.
36:00 This mummy's boy does exist and it becomes problematic when the mom is unjust and the son is still listening to her, which exists in North Africa at least (when the wife is a good person, but when the woman is selfish and arrogant tho the mom actually respects her. What a double personality some women have when it comes to their sons' wives. Dare I say the husband doesn't even listen to his mom in the last mentioned case. Be just with your moms and wives men, and when your wife is respectable, don't take advantage of her)
The things are changing Alhamdulillah. But the problem is in law's family want to impose every duty to the bride, especially the bride of first son. And if they are unwilling to help, the life of the bride becomes miserable.
It's more than just living with your in laws sometimes its about taking care of them and taking care of parents while taking care of children is not easy but the children get to enjoy the company of their grandparents and some in laws are actually kind and help with tarbiyah.
Well I was talking about the perspective of a women moving in with her in laws her parents have also haqq on her just like his parent has haqq on him. I believe that they should encourage each other to care of them within their capacity and with the help of their other family members. Maybe taking turn to care for them and work for that hasanat and show good examples to your own childrens.
