Are you sure you're not autistic? 

This video has corrections to the autocaptions to try make clearer with my speech and accent.
My name is Xanthe Wyse.
This video was just before and after a sleep crash. I was dissociating moderately and just rambling whatever came out, like on autopilot.
I no longer want to be defined by my diagnoses. I chose the most stigmatised diagnosis (bipolar affective disorder type 1) to focus on with this channel name. Ironically, people have ended up pigeon-holing me, even though it's not the diagnosis that I have the most impairment from.
My primary diagnoses are post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and bipolar disorder. However, the PTSD is rated as 2/3 of the impairment (called a 'mental injury' from trauma).
My other diagnoses are social anxiety disorder (currently mild) and pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified (aka autism spectrum features subclinical to autism spectrum disorder, ASD).
Historical diagnoses are major depressive disorder, generalised anxiety disorder, adjustment disorder. I'm pretty disillusioned with the medical profession.
I have been seen by a LOT of clinicians - psychiatrists and psychologists over the past 3 decades. I have been described as having a 'flat effect' (I don't usually show a lot of expression on my face). Have avoided eye contact my entire life. Had mutism as a child (and sometimes as an adult).
During the advocacy journey, I've been asked a lot if I'm autistic. I used to call myself autistic. I am on the autism spectrum (psychiatrist said 'definitely') but I don't say I'm 'autistic' anymore, partly to object to those with no actual impairments since childhood ripping off this term.
I explain more of the nuance and features since childhood in my memoir.
I cannot work full-time. I paint as therapy and offer my art for sale. I also write. Despite enjoying the challenges of these, it's still very exhausting.
I've been focused on my fitness (mostly with more challenging walks) and my art (aiming for at least 1 painting per month). I can hyperfocus for hours painting but then I can't function very well afterwards.
It's all about balance.
I didn't paint much when I wrote my memoir: 'Bipolar Courage: Are You Sure You're Not Autistic?' I self-published it on Amazon and major ebook distributors. The book took two years to write and it was directly inspired by the advocacy journey (behind the scenes).
My big and very difficult goal this year is to try climb to the summit of a mountain. Plus to try make progress on Soar Purpose, the sequel to 'Pet Purpose: Your Unspoken Voice' (a semiautobiographical novel that focuses on trying to heal from grief and trauma).
Fiction is harder than memoir for me, as I need to track the fictional elements for consistency. Difficult with short-term memory impairments.
I find the advocacy world (overrun with identity politics) to be toxic, hence stepped back. It's taken years to advocate for myself and for others. It's exhausting.
I'm not sure what I will do with this channel. I deleted lots of videos. I still get feedback with gratitude. My channels are not monetised nor have I accepted donations. I don't make a profit from my creative efforts.
I have been mob-bullied by those who preach inclusivity yet behave like they are part of a cult. That's one of the main reasons I have no tolerance for toxic identity politics.
The most viewed video is a compliation recorded before I started this channel, when I was off meds & in denial of the bipolar disorder diagnosis. Significant weight gain is one of the most frustrating side-effects of the medications.
I've had a diagnosis of a pain disorder, fibromyalgia, for decades. Walking is my main form of exercise and nature and music makes it enjoyable.
I will try avoid here for a while. My other channel with more of an art focus is ‪@soarpurpose‬
It takes a lot out of me to make a video, even with 'basic' editing, so I will try direct what energy I have into other projects.
My books: www.soarpurpose.com/books.html
Art prints: www.soarpurpose.nz/shop.html
Original paintings (New Zealand only): www.soarpurpose.nz/paintings....
Current blog (artist theme): www.soarpurpose.nz/blog
Older blog: www.soarpurpose.com/soarpurpose