Dating An Avoidant Person? Here's 4 Ways To THRIVE With Them 

Here’s the REALITY. Just LEAVE. If you have any self love and respect, let this person go and focus back on your own life. These people will drain you, abuse you, and discard you like worthless trash when just the day before you were the love of their life and their entire world. Get off the anxiety inducing and insanity creating tightrope and save yourself. I know it sucks. I know you love them very much. But trust me. SAVE YOURSELF

How absolutely incredibly psychologically resilient one must be to have an avoidant partner!!! Damn it lol. Don't touch them, don't talk to them, pretend you are dead, don't breathe, give them a choice to decide if they want you to be alive 😂😂 And yet, I am still with one lol Jokes aside, nice video ❤

They have all these needs and our needs don't matter

It's absolutely exhausting. It leads you to emotional and physical burnout. And this is coming from a secure leaning on anxious. Which might explain how I've been in this rollercoaster for 2 years. A full blown anxious preoccupied wouldn't have lasted 2 months.

1. Do NOT Chase 2. Try To Reduce the amount of criticism you bring to the relationship 3. Stop making demands or using ultimatums 4. Try not personalize what is happening

Unless they're in therapy and working on what is most likely C-PTSD, none of this matters.

I give opportunities for closeness but get turned down. Creates insecurities in me.

Sounds like the only way to have a relationship with an avoidant is to have zero boundaries

I dumped him . He became a cry baby . 😭 I did everything you said not to do . I don’t have the patience for that immature shit

The best move is to go « no contact» with avoidants. They can’t connect with others, because of their mental dissorder. But they still crave attention/validation. 1: We can’t fix their anxiety 2: Their anxiety and mental dissorder is not our responsibility Just let them go

It is exhausting 😩I wish I could go back and not have met him. Easier to learn how to stop loving him altogether 😢

Save your sanity and run

Why stay with an avoidant? Is an equal relationship of both give and take not healthier? It does feel like a lot of work from one part only.

I really love this video, I have an avoidant Daughter that I have been struggling to raise, all to life challenges of being a single parent working to much & stressing her out to do more. My Daughters needs were not being meet in so many ways. Life has slowed down now we are both seeing how mess up the past was. So thank you

I’m sorry but they unable to make decisions. They just act like a child and ask what do you want?! 😢

Great! But what about the feminine that doesn’t want to make decisions? I don’t know how many times I have been told, “I don’t want to figure this out.” “I don’t want to make the decisions.” The man/masculine takes the lead. But when the man/masculine is leaning more toward the anxious attachment.. it can be a bit convoluted.

Why stoop so low to date a ticking time bomb with zero regards for you?

Thank you for your consistency and your videos Connor! Let's bump the algo straight away...

Honestly do not bother.

My dude.... You are Nailing it!

Great advice my man! Thankyou 🙏🏽✊🏽

This was very helpful, thank you

This is life. How not to personalise. It is a couple relationship. Both people need to be validated

Wow - this is gold, I tell you.. gold.

Very wise, great advice, thank you! This is best video on DAs I have seen so far , very good !

So basically be very careful and monitor yourself constantly or they will run! That's not a relationship it's exhausting. They get to 'be' how they want and you have to keep things together. That is enabling their behaviour. Your needs must be voiced and if an avoidant doesn't make changes too you are likely doomed.

Thanks dude, I needed to hear this

I have the fearful avoidant attachment style, I’m in therapy working on it. I’ve been single for 10 years after an abusive relationship. I like what you said about ultimatums. It’s true and having choices taken away from you at a young age is huge. I had to be the man of the house without my father around so I didn’t have much choice growing up along with medical issues. My abusive ex refused to give choices. It was her way or no way at all. Criticism too is a big thing. I do appreciate the opportunity to choose. I never got those choices. I connect with people, it just takes me a bit to warm up to someone. When I had to work, my ex hated it. She never said the things I was good at, it was always criticism. I understand the importance of healing and bettering yourself too. I think if someone isn’t ready to tell somebody something, they shouldn’t be forced to. Creating that choice dynamic and making the person feel comfortable enough to share it with you is important. I have shared things when I’ve felt comfortable enough with someone because they created that comfortable environment by being nonjudgmental and affirming that they wouldn’t be. It’s important to create that with your partner so they feel heard for both the avoidant and the other person.

Great video brother real good information. Keep up the amazing work 👍 God bless 🙌 🙏

Thank you!

Tysm. Very helpful.

Such a big help

So so so so true. It's true. I believe that.

Jesus! This video should be" How to deal with a Princess!!"!! Or " Be an insect or the princess will beat you!!"

Why should people even stay with an avoidant person??? I get loving the person but you do not even mention that thought.

Ill try the choices. Im anxious af and working in it. My wife is so patient, but right now we want different things. Im stuggleing with not backsliding.

Thank you ❤

Gold

Make yourself a doormat? Turn yourself into a nervous wreck? It is not worth it. Date healthy.

2 weeks ago I was telling someone we need to be understanding, not to give up on the traumatized DA. But this here really rubs me the wrong way. "DO NOT EXIST.". As someone said recently, be an FBI negociator???? Really? Many other DA counselors stress that one needs to have boundaries, and that just leaving the DA in his/her comfort zone simply makes them believe it's working, which will lead to 1) no change 2) at some point, breadcrumb and abandon you anyway (because things were too good, yay!) Still, I'll ponder on the "small steps" doctrine.

Could you discuss pathological demand avoidance on the part of the avoidant? I feel like this is a roadblock to what you’ve said about giving options because if resentment is built up and there’s PDA, it likely won’t work.

No Joy

Then it's simply impossible to have a relationship with them. Let's put it out there. You have to become avoidant either. If you cannot criticise, you make your unhappiness your own problem, don't chase but they won't do either, don't demand anything, don't, don't, don't anything. All these but particularly giving choices are killing the relationship. Having to ask all the f.. time do you want this or this? Whaaaat? Then you don't need to take these people's problems and make them your own. They need to simply sort themselves out or stay the f.. single. The world doesn't revolve around them, they have the problems not anyone else. Just leave them at the first signs, you have to exercise your own choice of not wanting a torturous and unfulfilling relationship with someone mental. The solution is simple: vet, vet, vet harshly, don't get emotionally invested in a man till he proves he's normal and be ready to walk away at any point. Treat them the way they treat you.

ThankU This is pretty great! I love you said "avoidant state". Reinforces that these terms are not meant to label people. I appreciate your words on criticism. I've come to see that as alcoholic behavior. A waste. I'm single, lots o pain there. But i have a best friend who often avoids. Lacking romantic tension, I easily remain patient. He appreciates it! I respect his privacy. The reward is he gradually has become more forthcoming

2:56 How do you reduce the amount of criticism coming from the avoidant?

I wonder what if you are both avoident in a realationship? Please I need some advice

But this way...our needs don't matter at all? We have to shape ourselves to fit the avoidant agenda?

I love your channel and your advice. But this video shows that we need to babysit an avoidant partner .. What seems to be working for us is going to couple therapy and him understanding the harm he's causing and that isn't just my own pov. All your last 3 tips require us to be the bigger person, the adult, while DA is the kid to be taken care of. I don't see those to thrive with anyone except for children. They need to have accountability and self-awareness. Maybe those tips are applicable when the DA is in their healing journey and starting to change or willing to change, other than that, it's just too much.

Agreed. Ask an avoidant and give them small choices to make and their ability to trust and feel safe will grow much faster.

I'm starting to think that i'm avoidat attachement...

Leave them.....they are the most selfish people

So offer them choices.

Wenn mein Hund geklaut wird, werd ich zum Tier. Dann geh ich über Leichen. Dann sollte der Täter um sein Leben rennen. Meinen Hund klauen, das ist vermutlich das letzte was du tust....😅😮

Videos like this are disingenuous. Relationships with avoidants are often impossible with the outcome set in stone. No matter what people do. There's only one way there's a chance of it working out and that is them recognising their problem and going to therapy. Even then its not a guarantee. Horrible advice. Comment sections says it all.

The hardest person to break up with is the one you've created in your delusional, fantasy-making mind... 1. Know your value!!! (Do NOT doubt yourself.) 2. Take yourself and your worth seriously. You need to BE A QUEEN to be treated like one. 3. Don’t give easy access to anyone, at any time. Access to your energy should be expensive. 4. Do NOT only express your boundaries. YOU MUST show them. 5. Always be ready to walk away. 6. Show that you are focused on actions not on words. 7. Have a healthy degree of skepticism. 8. You must be willing to say NO and you must be willing to lose the man, if needed. 9. Never EVER chase a man! A truly worthy woman, (who knows her worth) does not EVER chase a man. Giving the same energy that you're getting is key and if you don't like that energy then move on! NOW! It can be hard but that's when you need to choose yourself over the damn illusion/fantasy. A man who loves a woman will not ignore her, ever, period. So... If he ignores me I will step back and he will lose me. Simple. Simple. Non-dramatic and uncomplicated. I don’t, under any circumstance: play these childish-abusive-controlling mind games. I will only be with a man who values and appreciates me, and treats me as the Queen, I AM. (Daughter of the Most Hight; King of kings!) Because I am a beautiful and kind and divine and sexy and wise and intelligent and magical woman: who knows my worth. Period. Also, We create each moment. This moment contains, through my focus, both positive and negative... I can put my attention on what I lack, what I don't have, what traumas I do have etc... And, I can put my attention on the calm moment that I am in, NOW, the food I just ate, and the fact that my body is satisfied, the shelter I do have... (You get my idea!) Both are here... And now. For the sake of fairness, I will allow myself to cry my pains, in the moment if/when they come/arise, AND also acknowledge the beauty I still have in my life NOW. Pain? Yes. Suffering? Indeed. And, also: wonderous magical divine beauty. Blessings to you!

Good video but too long . Try to keep the videos under 15min and you will get more subscribers and views

Thanks for this! The very last fact in this vid was basically what started the spiral in my last relationship, and I now realize it was probably my fault for taking shit personally🤔😢😅