AVOID This Type of Guy! (#1 Rule For Avoiding a LOVE BOMBER) | Matthew Hussey 

Confidence is not walking into a room thinking you’re better than everyone, its walking into a room not comparing yourself to anyone at all.

That is my motto: intimacy NOT intensity. Consistent, predictable healthy behavior is key.

Yes! Don’t give your time and power away, ladies. Anyone can put on a show for a short time. Consistency not intensity. Solid advice, Matthew! Hugs to you.

One thing I know for sure, if a man is emotionally closed off/ unavailable to himself, I know he won’t be emotionally available to anyone else.

If they pull away. Do yourself a favour, block, delete and move on. They are not interested in you. Value your worth ladies 🥰🥰🥰🙏xx

Why people pull away in my opinion; 1)they got what they wanted 2)they tested you and u failed 3) maybe u gave too much of yourself and didnt let time take over to really sort through what type of person they are 4)just not interested anymore 5)its their right to. How its done is the problem. *My solutions:* 1) I should always prioritize myself and never feel bad for having standards. 2)My life belongs to me and I have control over what I do. 3)My worth is not built off of people. 4)Not BE TO dependent on people ,especially when in the stages of knowing who they are as people. 5)To never allow myself to have to many expectations from people and improve myself,improve how i treat myself so i dont stay with people who have'nt even earned that spot in my life. 6)To stop putting people on Pedestals. 7)Its completly okay if someone pulls away, Because i was not giving away all my treasures in the first place. People who just arent simply for me is NOT MEANT TO STAND BY MY SIDE😅🙌🤪 So yes it may hurt when people pull away but i should thank them for exiting rather than wasting my time.

I love how I’m still learning at 40 🙃 … Consistency not intensity … just stupidly fell for intensity … AGAIN 🤷🏽‍♀️

I hate love bombing. Its took twice for me to realise that's what they were doing. Also they come off as slightly needy and its not attractive.

Love Bomber=Most likely a Narcissist! Be careful 🌸

Thank you for reminding me about this. If I had seen this a few years ago I could have saved myself a world of hell. I definitely wasn't comfortable from the beginning with my ex's pace but I was very attracted to him and had no friends in my life at that time to help guide me. Thank you. Please keep posting about this topic because there are so many beautiful, intelligent women that fall prey to these narcissistic assholes and no one understands the level of destruction they cause.

From my experience dating men, and attempting relationships with men, if he is in fact a true Love Bomber, then that indicates a type of person who is not a good candidate for a loving and reciprocal relationship - a certain personality disorder or at least traits. So rather than slowing things down, and setting the pace yourself, it's best to move on and find a healthier person to be with.

My ex loved bombed me. I wasn't even in to him that much. But he was attractive and mysterious. But after a month or 2 he pulled back and broke it off. I don't know why it touched me so much.. still giving it time. I even knew we weren't gonna last for the long run. But I admit, I enjoyed his attention and the intimacy

Experienced this very situation. Guy started getting antsy that I had (politely) declined his ‘first move’ after our first dinner date. But we had incredible chemistry so we continued to spend time. By around the 2nd week and he was trippin, accusing me of “reluctance and playing games”. (If you were there you would have seen that was not at all the case. I was polite, sweet, gracious, thoughtful, etc). Anyhow he’d gotten upset and jumped to harsh conclusions. Dumped me via text and even blocked my phone. I was stunned. I learned later he unblocked me a couple of days later, but he didn’t communicate with me, and I neither did I. It was wild because his reaction felt so harsh and dramatic. We live in the same neighborhood and surf at the same spots so now there’s this totally unnecessary tension. But it’s clear to me now that he does not seem emotionally/mentally stable. 😓

Oh mygoodness, Thank you so much!! I am here because I was rejected by someone for being "too slow" to enter a relationship and made me feel like something was wrong with my pace and putting so much pressure on me.

@1:12 Excellent advice, measure consistency not intensity @3:28 The next stage of the relationship is actually earned 🥺wow just wow Thanks Mr. Matthew for sharing your knowledge.💙💫✨

Especially when it comes to potential partners with a narcissistic personality disorder. OMG, as soon as you spot these predators, dodge the bullet as soon as possible; don’t let the love-bombing phase intensify. My advice, as a survivor.

You know you’ve changed when someone lays on the intensity right away and it makes your stomach turn.

My ex love bombed and I ended in a relationship with a narcissist. Over a year later and I’m emotionally damaged, in no contact trying to break a trauma bond. Any sign of love bombing run! Don’t ever think hmmm maybe it’s not love bombing it’s just naturally moving at this pace, (he just knows what he wants) it’s a trap! A guy who is genuinely interested in getting to know you will get to know you over time. Think about it, why would anyone want to rush you to make you fall for them quickly, what are they trying to cover up. Stay safe

I had to slow the pace on someone I suspected was love bombing me and I’m glad I did because over time a couple of major lies revealed themselves. I ended it right there. I’m glad I didn’t move in or marry him like he had asked several times. We only dated for a few moths, but I’m positive he was trying to lock me in before I caught on to his true ways. I feel like that saved a world of pain. It was painful, but it could have been way worse if I hadn’t listened to my gut instinct.

6 months is quite a long time. I think this is why I fall, because you think it's long enough for consistency, but clearly not, because then they do this.

Happened twice to me. The second time was intense! Wanting to see me every couple days. It was around Christmas and a lot of gifts and words of endearment.. Then texts stop I get ghosted. Just left me stressed and confused.

I fall for love bombing because I’m like…. Of course youre in love with me after a week, I’m amazing haha, I would be too 💅🏻

I don't understand why dating coaches "coach" women on how to chase a guy that has "pulled away" It's like telling someone to not re-flush a turd that didn't get flushed the first time. Don't put a value on a POS. The dude flushed himself. If he comes floating back up into my life, I'm gonna flush him this time. Not gonna value a literal turd.

What really REALLY pisses me off about the love-bombing guy is that I have the same insecurities that he has that leads him to do this, and yet I would not do this to someone. I have the same neediness and the same impulse to get self-worth from someone else being in love with me, yet I STILL would never do this to someone. I'd never hurt someone like that. And many of these guys don't even really have the excuse of not being aware of it. They have a pronounced enough pattern that they ARE aware of it, yet they continue to do it anyway to one woman after another.

Saw this just when i needed it. Been complaining about the intensity of his affection and love, and neglecting how he has been consistent. Silly me🤦‍♀️

Matthew has always giving out the conclusion from the beginning of the videos, yet he still has so many views and followers, so you can see how good it is about his work.

I find “consistency” confusing. my previous partner was consistently love bombing. Too much too soon was what bothered me. When I asked him to stop he continued.

What if you're an intense person?! 😩 I rarely fall in love but when I do, it's straight away and that's how all of my long term relationships have started.

I think we have all been there. Don't analyze it to much, take your lessons from it. Take some time to heal but, move on, you deserve it.

This is actually really good advice for nice guys too. Think of yourself first before others, because when you look after yourself you can better help everyone else.

They are called the narcissist 😂 so many of them just only need validation. No matter how they look like, they don't have healthy self-esteem, inner values

I absolutely agree here. Consistency is the key. I knew a woman who was love bombed by a guy for 3 years and she could never figure out why it never worked out and I would always hint at the consistency and how he would pull back to make her chase him and thus get what he really/only wanted: sex. I do think that if it doesn't feel organic that one should pull back but I think if it is organic then there is no limit on how often or long you should see each other.

It's like Matthew was a fly on the wall in my relationship. He described it exactly to the letter! These love bombers seriously need to seek therapy!

Plot twist: All love bombers adjust their game settings to Slow Burn whilst simultaneously talking to and emotionally playing multiple women... 😮

💥🎯💥 measure consistency not intensity 💥🎯💥 You set the pace of the relationship ~ balance & consistency trumps initial attraction/chemistry. Sparks can lead to a fire that burns out quickly, slow & steady solidifies sustainable stability. You can step back to observe their follow thru, ask yourself do their actions match their words? Do they walk their talk or do they project an image of themselves that doesn't match who you see them to be. Managing disappointment at the onset before you get deeply emotionally invested is much more tolerable, manageable and time saving. Wasting precious time & energy on Mr. Wrong blocks finding Mr. Right .

Consistency over grandiosity. What a great advice. Simple but not so obvious since we are brainwashed by movies full of grandiose "romantic" gestures. Honestly, this gestures repeal me, I rather relate to people who have word, respect and can function like independent adults who also tolerate independence from others.

as a male, I tell my female friends don't trust dudes that give something that is too dreamy

Have boundaries and say no.....see how they react to your no...

Matthew - another warning you could add about the love-bomber: Be prepared for his incredibly hurt reaction when you try to put the brakes on the pace. This hurt reaction can be so jarring and painful that if you are not ready for it, it can make you back-pedal real fast. It can make you feel super guilty and make you think, "My god, his feelings are so genuine, I guess he DOES feel that deeply for me, and I was about to screw it up with the guy who was meant for me!" It is an INCREDIBLY painful and effective guilt trip.

It’s all about consistency. 🎯🎯

My pace...not theirs. Too much too soon huge red flag. Its better to get to know someone than to find out what they are really like after you have fallen for them. Then its harder so be strong from the beginning.

For me after 30days he pulls away I realized I don't want him anymore such a powerful feeling.

Thank you for your info. This has happened to me. At the beginning it was too intense... and meanwhile I had got very bad feelings about him. Of course I finished with him after three months. What happened after this was a huge disaster. I did not know that he was and he is a narcissist! It took me two years to deploy him completely. I am OK now. He is not, because all his negativ energy turned back to him and even now destroying his private and professional life. Sounds crazy but I am sure I was his Karma. Done.👍

That’s exactly what I going through 😞 he wanted to see me every night then after he got me fall for him then started pulling back and made all different excuses

I love the Dad vibe - the strong sensible advice AND the finger pointing. THANKS xxx

Some people reveal themself after years..My parents instead fall in love in one month and they are still love each other after 40 years..This kind of advice can be decremental because love doesn't have a timeline...That's why men are not chivalrous anymore..You can't schedule how, when, where you fall in love, if you feel doing something nice for a person, just do it..Cause if you are always there thinking: "its too early, not now, is he/she gaslighting me? etc" you will never fall in love..Just look deep into the eyes of your partner, you can spot immediately if he/she is in a good or bad faith..

Oh my gosh. Seriously let the person earn the valuable parts of you. Biggest mistake I did. Consistency!!!

Wise, valuable advice Matthew 🙏❤️✨ love it! You sure are an remarkable coach & mastered/ing your niche, you impart powerful portions of information landing with impact. With or without the ‘shit’ 🤣😉 because verbally you speak gold nuggets. 🌞❤️🤗

Don’t date narcissists! I’ve been there, done that. I let the chemistry over-ride the red flags. Now I’m certain what I don’t want, but it’s taken years to get here. I have a “cover charge.” You don’t pay it, you don’t get in.

Be careful...i was love bombed for a whole year...this man put on a very good act not just for a day but a whole year. After i let my guard down , you know because 1 year had gone by, i thought i was good. Nope. He changed completely, became very controlling and talked me in a condescending manner, and treated with little respect anymore. Then he wanted to marry me. I said to myself i dont want this, i deserve better. Im not allowing myself to be treated like this. The complete opposite after one year. I was shocked...his true behavior and manners showed after one whole year.

the thing that happened to that girl who sent you a message is the same thing that happened to me 😭

Happened to me Lovebombing Trying to open me When i opened up, released my guard, She changed

Ive been searching for what to do if you're just friends but they keep love bombing you when not interested in dating ?

Can't agree more. Consistency is everything. I have this guy who would love bomb me with the sweetest words I thought he would pick the moon for me, turns out its only done on his own convenience aka whenever he's feeling he's in love with me and there are many days that he would just disappears only to come back with the love bombing all over again. So done with him. And i have another guy that i don't feel any initial attractive but he's showing me slow, mellow attention but with such consistency that made me became attracted!

Have you ever done an article on what type of woman to stay away from.

How does anyone find A guy, much less one to avoid

The guy I was dating told me "I'm not ready for a relationship" so we broke up and stop talking. A week after, I got COVID and since then he is being acting so gentle, asking about my health and if I need anything; he is been worried about my mental health because I get so stressed due to my work. I don't know what he is playing at; should I talk to him and ask him what does he want?

Stranger 👏🏻 danger 👏🏻 🚩 Why do we ignore advice to be skeptical of a stranger during dating? Of all moments to ignore our internal alarm system, this should be the least recommended. And yet…

I'm a man and love to watch you to know how to behave being a man

I met her, we got together, we got engaged and moved in together, she left me, i have to find somewhere to live and start my life again but I'm still here caring and loving her with nothing in return. If that isn't love then I don't know what is.

I wish I saw these videos when I was younger, I was so naive and ignorant

I made the mistake to let him love boombing, he is a narcisist/psycho . He gaalighted me to the point my brain shut down and could not walk. Now is 4 weeks of 0 contact and i fell fine

Thanks Matthew for this valuable and accurate guidance🙂

This is indeed the best advice I've ever heard Matthew ! Gold !! thank you !!!

What if the speed and intensity felt right for both of us? I wasn’t uncomfortable with the speed and he consistently matched his actions with his words. I was introduced to family and friends and we were making plans for a holiday and I get dumped via text out of the blue…

Oh you said this in such a clear manner, thank you so much for bringing us so much insight!

Thanks a million for this valuable message Mathew.. 💯

Love bombers don't listen to you when you try to slow things down. It's best to drop them

Nice topic...just wanna say that nothing in our hand...a person can change himself or herself anytime...

But intensity is what makes me tingle

I should watch this video once a month as a reminder lol

I’ve just came out of a relationship like this but the opposite way around was her that love bombed and then backed off and was fighting to have that attention, which sadly set my anxiety off and I then struggled and ended up pushing her away rather than making anything better.

I had my Gard up I did everything your saying actually... I owned my pace...completely But... oh my lord...😔😟 then... For got consistency!!!... And wham I got hit...hard... I can't even say the damage caused" He's finally out...it's taking so much damage control after...I'm still trying to fix it all.... 🙉🙊🙈 Please Women an men ... Listen to This Amazing 👏Man.. I wish I had found you befor now! But better late I say...then never"

This one, we haven't dated upto a month, man is asking for money to help him pay his child school fees. Can anyone review that for me

Thank you for this video Mathew, I love u 😍

Ok so I need some help, I didn’t know what love bombing even was until a few days ago and I’m right in the thick of it with a love bomber who I met 2 months ago who within a week told me he wants me to have his babies, that hes never seen anyone more beautiful, that hes so impressed with my successes in life, sending me flowers that match my eyes, and love songs, talking about our “future”, asking for pictures of me and on and on. He has spent a lot of time and effort grooming me to a point where at first I wasn’t even interested when I still had my wits about me, to then we turned a corner and I thought I may as well give him a chance if he feels it so strong, maybe I shouldn’t be so closed off. I have very good boundaries and am the queen of hard to get bc my standards are high, but he wore me down. And right when I let my guard down a little that I may be open to his feelings he went textbook narcissist love bomber and cancelled very last minute on what would have be our FIRST DATE (weekend getaway) bc of “work” - after weeks of BEGGING me to hang out w him. Yes!! … we hadn’t even been on a real date and it already got this intense. And thank goodness we hadn’t! He also didn’t reach out that whole weekend which gave me time to do a little research and after I got out of my own head, I realized what had been happening this whole time and that it was all a sick little game for him. But now I’m so pissed that I let this happen to me and I still have his attention bc he can’t believe I didn’t rage on him for cancelling (which I purposefully didn’t bc I knew that’s what he would expect and would fuel his narcissist tendencies and I wanted to keep him hooked until I could figure out what to do with him later). So instead of telling him to go F himself after the cancellation- which after all the promises and lies and everything that he’s been telling me - anyone would have been messed up in the head and wanted to rake him through the coals. But instead I acted super carefree like no worries maybe another time and I know it shocked him. And then he immediately asked me to go the next weekend instead and I said I was busy. But now I want to take this opportunity since he thinks I’m clueless and still soaking up all his love bombing, to beat him at his own game and teach him a lesson so he doesn’t do this to anyone else, but I don’t know how?! Haha HELP! He deserves a taste of his own medicine. But I’ve never dealt with a psychopath like this in my life so I have know idea what to do w him now, that to this minute he’s still love bombing me as I write this and I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of going off on him and calling him out for what he is bc I now know it has a name - instead I just want to get even in an equally mysterious manipulative way so he knows the gig is up and he just got schooled, but is left wondering how that possibly happened to HIM. But I’m not naturally manipulative so I don’t even know how to manipulate a manipulator. 😅 Of course I could just block him and never talk to him again which would bruise his ego, but is there anything else I could do to beat him at his own game and make this sting a little for him?! Lmk if you have any thoughts. No one on RU-vid has made a video about outsmarting a love bomber when you realize it WHILE it’s happening!! Help!:)

Thank you for always bringing the confident in me

wow...important for me to hear... thank you for this good advice

This would've been some good advice for me when I was dating in highschool.

Your words are healing and insightful.

SO GOOD. Thank you!

Hello Matt and team! I've been on a huge self compassion, self reflection kick lately. And I was wondering if there was a way to gage if you are ruminating over a heart break for too long or if you are giving yourself the appropriate amount of time to heal? My friends say I am not giving myself enough time to heal from my last dating experience but I'm worried of repeating my past mistake of mulling over what can't be changed. As one knows, once you put tooth paste on your toothbrush , it can't be put back into the tube, right (possibly a bad analogy for time)? What are great questions to ask ourselves when we've gotten to this point in healing from a break up? Penny for your thoughts?

Thanks Matthew I'm waiting

Can you do a video on love bomber vs a normal connection?

Well cuz narcissists or people in Cluster B "split", and they are often manipulative.

How do you hold back expensive gifts? I have found this behaviour when they move in too fast?

A much younger man..he love bombed me the first 4 months and got me hooked. We've been talking 9 months. Facetime a lot too.. He lives 4 hrs away from me, but we've never met. Now he'll ignore my messages online for several days, right when I'm about to say forget it he'll love bomb me 4 days straight. I'm exausted, but do attracted to him.

Also, be honest to yourself: Sometimes it's not like we don't notice that he is unavailable emotionally or a narcissist - we are attracted to him being unpredictable, showering us with affection/gifts/great words for a month but then disappearing for 2 weeks. We like the roller coaster, the excitement. This attraction can have many root causes that everyone has to analyze for themselves. But look for someone who is predictable and wants to get to know you at a slow but steady pace. It may not be as exciting as these toxic movie plots but it's healthy and can turn into smth meaningful and beautiful. ... Not like I've ever experienced it tho.

My ex was very consistent 😂 He texted me the same thing everyday for 4 months 😂😂😂 It started to get anoying...... But he also loved me within one month of texting. Asked me to move in after 2 months of dating. Well dating. 2 coffee dates and no dates after this. It was boring..... He was very stingy and needy and controling so with 4 months no shred of me loved him anymore 😂😂😂😂 I told him bye.

Measure consistency, not intensity 💯

6 months? That's a long con if they decided it was no longer worth it. There must have been a lot of chasing and hot/cold feelings to take 6 months before it ends. It really shouldn't take that long to drop down your guard. There should be a level of vulnerability after compatibility and connection have begun developing. The red and orange flags will be there early on to spot. It shouldn't take 6 months to learn them. If he planned to end things as soon as you drop down your guard, better to show vulnerability early on and not waste 4-5 months of your life. What I've learned is that anything truly real will not flood your nervous system to the point where you can't focus on yourself and everyday life. I've been infatuated early on and those feelings were torture considering the amount of neurochemicals flooding me.

I really love it when the notification says "someone liked your comment" and "someone subscribed to your channel"

My problem is I that I am so SLOW and in no hurry for a relationship that I question myself if I even want a relationship...😐 maybe I just haven't crossed paths with the right person. I don't know ow..I'm just still chugging along in the dating world🙄

I’ve been consistently love bombed for a year

Exact same thing happened to me!!! He left and came back.

After dating a DA, "Love Bomber" sounds like an appreciated change at first. :D

Ive experienced this and this is the most heartbreaking moment for me. So this is the kind of guy he is. Love bomber 😂 what an asshole.

Love that! Consistency.

What if the pacing is too slow? Even after 3 months :/

First I ask myself is this love & Am I being desperate to fill a void. The i I ask him what are your intentions-im looking for this and this only. Then go by their reply using intuition letting The Most High guide. Setting boundaries helps test their fruit. Slow to speak slow to wrath🔥Test their spirit. Fruit. Love. Humble. Respectful. Communicates. Ect. ❤🔥💛👑💚🌿💙🌬💜☔🐑