Can I Find a Husband After Experiencing Sexual Abuse?

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Can I Find a Husband After Experiencing Sexual Abuse?
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25 дек 2022

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@hannahschriever7976 4 месяца назад

When I was 8 I was assaulted by an older neighbor. And after that being alone with guys would make me so anxious. I never dated much and any relationships I did have were really toxic, I was always in between being so afraid to go out with guys and letting them use me in destructive ways. My husband's background with God and his love for God made him feel like a safe partner for me. Been married 9 Mos! And been together 5 years

@blueStarKitt7924 3 месяца назад

🙏❤️

@nikki4911 Год назад

I sent my abuser to jail this year and it was a lot help to heal.

@suen5006 Год назад

Heartbreaking. This is how sexual abuse can break people for the rest of their lives. May she find healing and peace.

@blueStarKitt7924 3 месяца назад

Yes.😞

@Stargaze_17 15 дней назад

Literally, the rest of our lives.

@zenlife321 Год назад

John…this is a big topic. Many people struggle with how to connect after sexual abuse. I hope you do more shows on this.

@road_king_dude Год назад

💯💯

@sarahpleasant-nowowiejski5971 Год назад

Agreed.

@blueStarKitt7924 3 месяца назад

👍👍👍❤️

@bethanylawyer917 Месяц назад

Am i the only one laying in bed at 2am, listening to this special man on RU-vid i just found, that is speaking words i so desperately need to hear? There are parts i think i literally forgot he was talking to someone else.

@9liveslisa Год назад

I think it would be very helpful for her to get into a group of women who are dealing with the aftermath of being abused. It helps to hear other stories and you don't feel so alone. It also brings some clarity about those types of situations. The other thing is she needs to learn to love herself first before she can learn to love another. Lots of healing required, but it is doable one step at a time. I wish her all the best.

@MsDorcelus Год назад

I agree support groups can provide enormous amount of guidance and encouragement during the healing process. There’s in-person support groups & virtual ones she can attend.

@lisatorrico5319 Год назад

I’ve looked for a support group near me (78628) and can’t find one. Recommendations for virtual groups?

@sarahpleasant-nowowiejski5971 Год назад

This!!! I wasn't human until I did this. I struggled with the second type, feeling like a broken human and not good enough. When I heard other women share their experience and their victory--because many of the women were further along in their journey than I was--I was encouraged so much and so much healing began. It was day one for me.

@goodness776 Год назад

My heart is broken for you too Elle. You will overcome this.

@MabelRD08 Год назад

When she couldn't repeat the third and last statement he said, that was hard and I could so relate. I really hope she can get the help she needs. It's super hard but I wish her the best🥺❤️💐

@sarahpleasant-nowowiejski5971 Год назад

The analogy of the grenade and the pin being pulled had me howling!! It's just like that.

@shannonobrien9922 3 месяца назад

Of COURSE you can......I was molested by a close family member before I was 5.....I was then molested again in Middle School, raped in High School and sexually abused by my Xhusband. I was single for 2 years and I did a LOT of introspection about WHY I chose my X......I've been with my current husband for 22 years this fall and married for 20 in a couple weeks and we have a VERY healthy relationship: a regular grownup relationship......I love our life to bits! We raised 3 kids together that were ours, 4 that weren't.......just a mostly regular life. I will be stepping into 50 this summer like a Boss!

@blueStarKitt7924 3 месяца назад

😎🎉❤🙏

@rebeccaoprea9917 Год назад

When you’re insecure within yourself , you’ll be insecure with every relationship.

@starlingswallow Год назад

So true. It wasn't until I found my self worth and self love/esteem that I was able to choose someone healthy and safe. It's possible! ❤

@iwilson6651 Год назад

Mhmmm...hence why I stopped looking for a relationship until I'm fully healed.

@Sadows12 Год назад

Damn shame. It took me quite some time to realize, but I was sexually molested for several years by multiple neighborhood kids. Unfortunately, both of my parents passed before I could speak to them about it and its been quite an interesting path, but the right person is out there. I found my wife at the lowest point of my life after realizing a lot of my childhood trauma was real and not a fever dream and she's been so incredible.

@joebriggs5781 Год назад

I really feel for her. lot of people don’t understand how much sexual abuse can affect your life forever. I’m 38 and was one of the many kids who was sexually abused by a Catholic priest…I honestly didn’t think it was a big deal for most of my childhood. The problem is, I guess it kind of festers in the background and I just never developed a sexual attraction. I’m heterosexual in the sense that I think women are beautiful but not in a sexual way and it sounds childish but even kissing feels gross to me. It’s obviously caused a lot of issues in relationships. I don’t blame women for it, normal humans are wired to have sexual and intimate desires. I’ve been to therapy and it helps to deal with my circumstances but that struggle has never changed, and may never. It’s horrible to be 38 and single with virtually no hope of all the things I always dreamed of like a partner and children because of what happened and basically watching everyone around me get all of that. I’m not bitter to them, just sad that this exists for me. I hope the same doesn’t happen to her.

@nenyeo6090 Год назад

Please consider therapy. What you want, a family, isn’t beyond your reach. People are one of the most important parts of our lives especially when entering into old age ❤ I’m deeply sorry for your experience with a violation of your body and mind.

@starlingswallow Год назад

I am sorry and devastated for you. I'm not sure if it was a trauma counselor that you went to see but it's been very beneficial for many ❤ Finding someone you can trust, who will walk with you through those memories is hard but it heals!

@cassiopee26 Год назад

Hey Joe, I've been sexually abused as well...Heck, the only abuse I haven't had is financial. I'm 41 and I've tried therapy for over 16 years. It kinda worked, but still I wouldn't go very far in life...I started somatic therapy this year and boy this has been a game changer! I've heard from a traumatic therapist that no therapy can really work without starting first with somatic therapy so I decided to give it a try and I finally start to have happy results! Somatic therapy helps regulate your nervous system and your body responses to triggers, so after reading your story I think it would be the starting point for true healing. :) Let me know if you try it and how it goes for you :)

@rodneyjones1990 Год назад

So sorry that that happen to you. Put your faith in Jesus brother! :)

@Joel-pg4yi Год назад

If whoring and throwing away any moral dignity is normal... Let's not confuse with real pure love Vs lust. So what you call normal that alone is traumatizing and monsters. The fact it's so normalized it shows people just evil. I'm all about care and love and being good person but stay away from evil lusting and stuff. How do you even sleep after that someone will know your secrets and tell everyone yeah better putin drop bomb on me or I just stay away from it

@jenniferdavis693 3 месяца назад

I relate to her so bad. I hate this yet I find relief that someone actually understands it. I wish her healing, and for me too.

@MP51593 6 месяцев назад

As a mom of 4 little kids, the thought of this happening right under my nose terrifies me. I wish her parents had been able to protect her.

@shannonobrien9922 3 месяца назад

Happened to me! When my kids were 1 and 4 their Dad (married) and I split......the baby starts telling the baby sitter things NO Mama should EVER hear .......I was molested before the age of 5......I'm going to teach you what they taught me w my kiddos.....it is: good touch, bad touch and SECRET touch. (The premise is- if I slap you, THATS by definition a bad touch- My parents never dreamed to talk to us before the age of 5 either!) so talk to them A LOT and point out the discrepancies and secret touch is: NOBODY should touch where your swimsuit covers unless Mama there!!!!!! That's the simplest thing to explain to toddlers! And how if someone ever does they can tell Mama and she WILL make sure it never happens again and they won't be in trouble

@julibyler790 7 месяцев назад

Yes. You can find a good man after being sexually abused. I did. Hugs to you.

@shady1234shady Год назад

This is such a good video! Reminds me so much of what I went through in college! Hope everything gets better for her!

@timm1470 Год назад

I pray god places his hands on you Elle and heals your wounds. God Bless you!

@amandaforrester7636 10 месяцев назад

Same, girl, same. I hope you heal. I am older than you and dealing with something similar, but not the same. I am terrified I will end up dying alone, but it's also better to be alone.

@kaizenborntowin Год назад

God bless that poor woman.

@denisebradley8151 4 месяца назад

Many years ago, on my husband’s deathbed, I learned he had been molested by his step father starting when he was 8 years old. I’m not clear how often it went on for but it definitely happened for two years. His sister was also molested during the same time period. His mother forgave her husband and went back to him after a few months after she learned what he had done. I just could not continue a relationship with my mother in law after my husband died. I had two toddlers girls at the time and I couldn’t stomach having them around her. I didn’t feel she could be trusted with my precious babies. I sometimes wonder if I did the wrong thing and feel guilt for keeping her grandchildren away from her. My girls are grown women now and doing well.

@katiesimpson8517 3 месяца назад

I understand & validate your decision. Follow your gut...

@blueStarKitt7924 3 месяца назад

You did the right thing!! It breaks my heart that your late husband would disclose that horrible part of his past only on his deathbed.😢😢😢 He probably kept that only for himself for how many long years. I am glad you protected your girls and that they have had a chance to thrive that their dad hadn't. Bless you and your daughters.❤❤❤

@narelle-creative-arts Месяц назад

You are a great mum! And a courageous woman - Never doubt that ❤❤❤

@dhritikapoor2897 Год назад

Live your life . Your abusers can spend a few years on this planet chilling but will have to spend an eternity in fire .

@melissaroscher1080 Год назад

Why are my eyes sweating?

@road_king_dude Год назад

You're not alone

@bebois2529 Год назад

Also try EFT tapping emotional release tapping

@Suedepants100 3 месяца назад

How do I get on this show lol? I need to talk to dr. John. Man I got a load of it.

@narelle-creative-arts Месяц назад

A year on, I hope your shining bright Elly 🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞love from Australia ❤❤❤

@pamela4526 3 месяца назад

I feel like this is my life and everything John said was spot on. You avoid relationships, you overcompensate sexually believing you need to please, then the tremors start. The fear is real and hard to control. My life ended in my teen years. I was never able to get past the fear of men no matter how much I want to.

@Rotting12 2 месяца назад

Going through a very similar situation rn. I’m 19 and it definitely has had a big impact on interacting and trusting people, especially men.

@reneeantwi-boasiako3974 Месяц назад

I'm so sorry 🙏🏿 ❤ I'm 22 in the same boat

@karinmutz6157 3 месяца назад

Just the best for you!

@amiramahgoub 9 месяцев назад

What she went through is understandable and no man can care for her feelings unless he went threw it or had experiences about abusive relationships! Possible group therapy or couple therapy can help but I know these things is not gonna help much. I have been there and I know she need a man who loves her and make her feel worthy above his need.

@roofieandraggy16 Год назад

I lost my wife because of her sexual abuse when she was a kid. Here ia the quandry.... im man,i was also ubused that way when i was a kid. I dont harbor any anger or self destructive behaviors. I dont live in state of self preservation and anger.

@celnaz Год назад

Sorry for your loss. You never did therapy for the abuse? How old were you? Did you get manipulated back then into thinking it was ok, or was it a forcible act you tried to defend against? Also you're a man, you're taking for granted that you can willingly compartmentalize a lot of experiences into "relevant" and "irrelevant" categories to avoid them drawing emotions from you, most women don't have that superpower

@MsDorcelus Год назад

@Ramirez, those inquiries are quite intrusive & inappropriate. I don’t understand the point of your post.. It doesn’t seem that you have the intent of helping at all.

@celnaz Год назад

@@MsDorcelus I asked him questions to unpack what he said. Doesn't sound like he needs help from a youtube commenter if he didn't develop ptsd from losing his wife or getting abused when he was a kid

@smmds 3 месяца назад

Good for you but there are no rules on how one should behave or feelings they should have after being victimized by a heinous crime. Their anger or 'self perseverance' is valid. People are affected in different ways and intensity. They only owe it to themselves to heal and not to be judged by another person. Also no two experiences are the same.

@blueStarKitt7924 3 месяца назад

@@smmdsTrue.

@jbs3144 Год назад

My wife hid this secret.. I thought I was fighting a ghost in her past at times. It made a mess in our marriage..

@janiceplowman5528 Месяц назад

I think often when there has been abuse you concentrate so much on trying to get healing for that and don't realize how those other dynamics are additional traumas that need to be healed. I'm going through that myself right now. Things like the feelings of not being seen because there are so many clear signs that something was wrong and youre hurting like crying all the time and some age inappropriate sexual acting out and no one in family saw or cared if they did. I think that has done as much damage as the actual abuse.

@bebois2529 Год назад

Try TRE trauma release exercises

@dopestamp Год назад

This is my story

@arrowarrow17 10 дней назад

I am very sorry for Elle. She doesn't need to full fill someone sexual needs. Her parents failed to protect her from a predator. This was also similar parents of mine. Parents would totally blame me rather than the predator. They won't stand on my side

@laserbeam-fx9qv Год назад

The sad reality is this lady needs a lot of work getting mentally healthy and making healthy relationships before even considering finding a husband. Getting into a marriage with a warped sense of self can lead to some bad things.

@road_king_dude Год назад

Facts

@sarahalderman3126 Год назад

Or some beautiful things. This could have been me, my story is sickeningly similar. However today I am happily married for 22 years now to the world’s most amazing husband and mother to 4. Thing’s were rocky in the beginning but as I learned to trust my feelings about the past and my value changed. This is primarily because my husband taught me my own value at first. Through his actions and his words he proved to me my own worth. Which then eventually pushed me into a path of healing.

@Max_G43 Год назад

Deep stuff especially since my ex was named Ellie and she was also sexually abused as a young teen so I have a real personal feel about this

@janiceplowman5528 Месяц назад

My guess is her teenage years were really hard which was why mom went searching and found what she had written. Mom knew something was wrong.

@theshellykumar 3 месяца назад

My story fr

@mmurfur 3 месяца назад

wishing elle godspeed

@Joel-pg4yi Год назад

I never be able to heal

@blueStarKitt7924 3 месяца назад

May you be able to and find peace and love.🙏❤️

@ericmoore9444 Год назад

Can I find a GF after going through that stuff

@Black_Samurai-fish Год назад

Most definitely. But find a good woman. Don’t get a loser and get used and your heart broken.

@blueStarKitt7924 3 месяца назад

@@Black_Samurai-fishExactly.❤

@matthewbrandon931 Год назад

If it's any comfort to you, your abuser is in hell.

@lilsamantha1 Год назад

Well we are all animals here on the planet to reproduce...so I dont think he is in hell .

@matthewbrandon931 Год назад

@@lilsamantha1 Words of Jesus, "it would be better for them if they were born with a millstone around their necks."

@celnaz Год назад

@@lilsamantha1 That's not how hell works. He is 100% in hell until everyone who knew him passes away

@lilsamantha1 Год назад

@@celnaz he is not doe....ur alive, the dead dont come back to tell you if heaven or hell exists

@celnaz Год назад

@@lilsamantha1 Going to heaven or hell is how positively or negatively do people remember you after you're gone

@celnaz Год назад

John does give solid advice to sexual abuse callers. As long as you're not a man calling with relationship problems, in which case John will advise you to basically not have a spine lol

@joshdavis2843 4 месяца назад

Marriage isn’t for everyone. It sucks that it happened to her and obviously it’s not her fault, but a marriage just won’t work. Just like a man who has schizophrenia with a violent history shouldn’t get married, she shouldn’t either.

@lubnafawzy-qureshi4075 3 месяца назад

You’re all heart. We definetly can say YOU are not that person. There are ppl who will walk beside those of us who’ve been sexually abused. That person is definitely not you.

@raylew311 3 месяца назад

That's such a callous and untrue thing to say. Just totally uncalled for.

@LokiOfNorse Месяц назад

That's an atrocious heartless thing to say.

@AMonteiro4 12 дней назад

Just say you wouldn't support a partner with trauma. Many people find love with horrid back stories.

@alexrawls7407 Год назад

First you need to fully heal yourself. Then be realistic about your expectations of men. Understand that not all men are like that but yes all men are sexual creatures. Also understand that many good men are off the market at your age level of 28. Many men are not doing relationships anymore. Men at your age level are often already taken.

@toscadonna Год назад

Not very helpful to tell her in a veiled way that she’s “hitting the wall” or whatever other BS you “red pill” arseholes believe. Women live longer than men. Chew on that.

@Gabster1990 Год назад

What a dumb comment.

@amandaforrester7636 10 месяцев назад

36, and same. It's too late for girls like us. If it doesn't work out with the guy I'm currently seeing, I already decided that I'm done trying. 🤷‍♀️

@nursemarie4819 2 месяца назад

I married my husband at 37 and we had two kids - how is a 28 year old “ off the market?”

@ronbo30 Год назад

She will never get totally healing unless she forgives him, she needs to go to this guys grave, and scream, shout, cry, etc… but she MUST forgive him, or she will take this to her grave.

@EJaj1623 Год назад

Absolutely not. You don’t need to forgive an abuser in order to heal. Abusers do not deserve forgiveness. How horrible to say that. She needs to forgive herself and take back the power he took from her.

@ronbo30 Год назад

@@EJaj1623 your dead wrong. Forgiveness benefits the person not the one who did the crime. I was married to a woman over 25 years! WHO dealt with this. I KNOW. All the issues these poor women have to deal with. Certain time of year, certain odors, certain sexual acts, trusting issues( huge) anger issues, feeling unworthy issues, feeling like a whore issues, revenge issues. ANY WOMAN who has these? Should never marry until these are resolved and healed from. Not fair to the man she marries,. And never hide the issues from a possible future husband. Using another man to ESCAPE from her situation is a nightmare, survival mode.

@tparker4458 Год назад

@@EJaj1623 forgiveness is for US not the person who wronged us. 'If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. Matthew 6:14

@sawarywi Год назад

Well, let’s just hope it was a really painful heart attack…..

@JustineCarissa Год назад

Thank you for your input. I think it’s also realizing as a survivor you never did anything wrong to deserve it. As a survivor, one did nothing to cause it. The offender’s actions was wrong regardless if it happened in public or private. I know survivors that have gotten into loving relationships after it happened to them. Yes, one can cultivate a wonderful, loving relationship in the end. Also continuing the healing to know it was never your fault. Just because a person violated you in the past, you still can continue to ask for someone to respect your boundaries. My thoughts and prayers go out to the caller. You can do this!

@auroramothergoddess Год назад

Oh honey men are literally everywhere. As long as you have a kitty, dogs are a fine of dozen. Yt women don’t even need to be attractive as long as you have blonde hair, they will marry anything