CPTSD AND SIGNS YOU ARE SETTLING FOR LESS THAN YOU DESERVE | DR. KIM SAGE

Подписаться 261 тыс.

Просмотров 11 тыс.

50% 1

This video describes the signs in how children raised with chronically emotionally wounding parents and childhoods, often learn to settle for less than they deserve, and how they learn that anything less than terrible, is tolerable. This video also provides questions to ask yourself to assess if you are settling in a relationship, situation, job, service, etc.
FREE CHECKLIST: DO I HAVE NARCISSISTIC AND/OR BORDERLINE PARENTS?
www.drsagehelp.com
************************************************
Please check out my courses (LINK ABOVE):
1. BORDERLINE AND NARCISSISTIC PARENTS: HEALING AND DEALING WITH YOUR TRAUMA
(*This course is designed specifically for you if you were raised by parents who had Narcissistic, Borderline or significantly Emotionally Immature parents.)
2. RE-MOTHERED: TRANSFORM YOUR WOUNDED INNER CHILD INTO AN INTERNALIZED, LOVING "MOTHER"
(***This course is designed to help you learn to heal your inner child AND your inner parent if you experienced a complicated childhood or challenging relational wounds).
3. IDENTIFYING CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NEGLECT (FREE COURSE)
CHECKLIST IS INCLUDED IN ALL 3 COURSES!!
xo
***Please note! I am so sorry but my practice is full at this time and I cannot accept new patients. If you would like to be added to my waitlist, please email me at drsagehelp@gmail.com and I will email you only when a spot becomes available. I cannot guarantee a spot will open, however, so please know I care very much, but am limited at this time given my case load.
* Additionally, I am only able to work with California residents for weekly therapy once available. If you are interested, please also add in a few brief details in your email including your reasons for seeking treatment, current diagnoses, concerns, etc.
Please visit my website www.drkimsage.com to obtain info on fees, treatment, resources, etc!
Thank you so very much, and I wish you love and healing on your journey.:)

Опубликовано:

21 сен 2022

Ссылка:

Скачать:

Готовим ссылку...

Добавить в:

Мой плейлист

Посмотреть позже

Комментарии : 83

@txspacemom765 Год назад

My soon to be ex told me once that I don't like being the center of attention and I can't hold eye contact. He knows about my trauma and no, I don't like being the center of attention, it's uncomfortable. He laughs at me about it. He gives bare minimum and while I am overwhelmed, I recognize it and I am moving forward. I stopped letting him determine my feelings or making me feel like I am just crazy. I no longer accept bare minimum from him or anyone else. And my cats turn on my tv all the time! LOL

@arqana86 Год назад

Amazing vídeo! I have always believed that I was a mediocre student, professional, daughter, until I met my wife who cherishes me exactly the way I am. I stopped working in a really shitty job in October and I've been in a heavy crisis ever since, because I don't feel worthy of having a nice career, even though people are always telling me how capable I am. At least I am in therapy and trying do deactivate the fight or flight mode.

@singingdoc01 Год назад

I felt this deep in my soul. Not only did I subconsciously accept the "bare minimum" due to my childhood experiences, I was taught that I should only EXPECT the bare minimum. There of course were many societal reasons for this at the time, though that aspect was thankfully changing as I grew into young adulthood. But I do remember so many mixed messages from my mother about what to expect from life and she often backed it up with painful situations. Most notably the egregious double standard for my brother and I (although there were multiple ridiculous factors for why she engaged in that nonsense, including cultural ignorance). And that old tired trope that I had to work twice as hard for half as much. Who in God's name wants to work themselves to death for crumbs? Btw, she only told this to me, not my brother, who was always granted clemency no matter what foolishness he got into. The instances where I have accepted less than I deserve are too numerous to count, though I did manage to stand up for myself successfully in the more insufferable situations. To this day, I am still struggling with this, as are many women since part of our conditioning in a patriarchal society is to settle, particularly in romantic relationships. The bar for women's behavioral standards in relationship has been set in the stratosphere while that for men is buried somewhere with Atlantis. That too is starting to shift and its about damn time!

@TranscendingTrauma 2 месяца назад

Thank you for putting this into words! So relatable and I feel empowered.

@MX1.1. Год назад

The lady who did my nails disrespected me in such an awful way last time she did my nails… I never came back. But it took me ignoring a lot of previous mistreatment on her behalf. I felt bullied and it provoked me to have an emotional flashback. I am a grown adult and should not tolerate bad treatment from anyone.

@pebblebrookbooks4852 Год назад

Negative ppl can lull us into learned helplessness easier than other folks. Oftentimes cptsd sufferers feel like we have fewer options than other ppl and "we'll Never find another gym, doctor, specialty store, etc"...

@Thrivinginthespotlight 4 месяца назад

That's a great and very underrated comment

@DrKimSage Год назад

Hi all! Hope you are well! This one just came up for me last weekend, my next video will be about the impact of Narcissistic Mothers, and how they impact our childhoods and adult lives and relationships. In the meantime, do you find that you have settled for less than you deserve, or for the bare minimum in situations, relationships, services, etc? I truly hope you find this helpful...xo

@gojiberry7201 Год назад

Yes, I always settled for whatever, even being an adult, because I was afraid, but really because unconsciously I truly believed I was unlovable. So I never considered doing something better

@DrKimSage Год назад

@@gojiberry7201 Yes this is so often how it goes....😥

@lenanel6290 Год назад

I doubt you will see this. But i am curious about children of divorce who have to see the non custodial parent when you didn’t want to and if that plays into this and not having control.

@rascallyrabbit Год назад

i am so delighted that you are doing this.

@TranscendingTrauma 2 месяца назад

⁠@@lenanel6290 it’s been 11 months and I just want to answer for her! Of course, that would create some negative programming inside of you. And even you just asking shows that it had some effect on you. I hope you are working through that challenge. ❤️‍🩹

@csstudio3648 Год назад

Feeling all of this so much! My newest strategy for leaving situations that don't serve me anymore is to just ease out of them rather than make clean break lol.

@DrKimSage Год назад

Exactly!! Whatever it takes to get out!

@lo-ul8nq Год назад

Thank you, you're so right about everything. It's so true. I got C-Ptsd from the abuse. I am a 47 female who is t he oldest out of five children my parents had. I am Empath. I went to Jesus cause of the abuse. Jesus is our hope. God is Love. My confidence is in God. I know my worth and values. My peace comes from God. God is great all the time. I always been the black sheep in my family. I been a Christian for over ten years. I have supportive friends from church. We are Good Enough for God. We are fearfully and wonderful in God's image. I walk away from Narcissists. I stay calm, and quiet. Its not worth it to say anything to Narcissists since they dont get it at all. Both of my parents are Narcissists so is my grandmother. My brothers and sisters are Narcissists Enablers.

@allwellandgood8547 Год назад

Yes to all of this! It made me think about just how many areas of life this shows up in. So many times I should have realised months ago that I was allowing myself to be taken advantage of or that my time was being disrespected. Because we wouldnt dream of doing it to someone else but our past blinds us to the fact that we are allowing it to be done to us. Thank you Dr Sage and naughty Coco with the TV was funny 😂❤️

@DrKimSage Год назад

So true we would dream of doing it to someone else! Yes, and so important but hard to see at times. Lol on Coco - she's something else!

@Nuverselive Год назад

The authenticity of Coco and you is amazingly beautiful and refreshing. I no longer edit these events because it helps ppl see we're all human in a world of so many idols!

@Jennicorn Год назад

This video was SO helpful! I realized that a lot of what I'm settling for isn't just what I expect from other people - but how much space I allow myself to take up with my personality. I struggle with being authentic in social interactions because growing up, saying the wrong thing would cause world war 3. I learned to just grin and bear it during all social interactions, because they would probably be hurtful and I wouldn't get my needs met. Now I subconsciously turn off my real emotions in public and just go into "smiley mode" where I say generic nice things and don't really share much of myself. It's like a customer service voice but all the time, and I've done it for so long that I don't even know who I am in public without it. Breaking out of that and trying to be genuine is so hard, but I think I'm making slow progress. Your videos are a huge reason for that, so thank you for all you do!! PS Hearing that Coco turned on the TV totally made me smile!

@Roguedaisey Год назад

I love that you are so genuine with your audience. Coco turning the TV on cracked me up .. I love that you left that in your video! Thank you for your wisdom that you are sharing .. it is really helping me! 🌺🌼

@jameswayton2340 Год назад

Thanks for making these videos kim. I thanked you before some months ago. In the meanwhile a week ago i learned i have CPTSD. Becoming aware of this is such a big piece of understanding who i am, wich is what has been lacking so badly. Its strange how pschologists do not seem to understand the importance of getting diagnosed with things like this. I keep telling them this over and over but they don't seem to understand it at all. I think people in general have no idea how it feels to find out you never really excisted and missing a sense of identity wich is connected to things like CPTSD. It means everything. And they treat it more like ''oh this diagnose is a handy tool you/we can use to help you'' and thats it.

@DrKimSage Год назад

Yes, we still have a long way to go around understanding and treating trauma, starting with acknowledging it and how devastating it can be.😥

@xeniyashilina6212 7 месяцев назад

If it’s not terrible it’s tolerable - beautifully said

@__Fatimah__ Месяц назад

you're so honest with the vid as you showed the side of being triggered and aware and change it in real time. thank you

@cielle3546 Год назад

I definitely feel like this in my relationships. Made to feel like I have to compromise on my standards

@DrKimSage Год назад

That is what we learned...:(

@Jantonov1 Год назад

Oh my god, I stayed with my hairdresser for forever and I shouldn't have! She had really dark political beliefs. Finally she asked ME not to come back. It was a real wake up call.

@irunwithscissors9540 Год назад

All of this….so so much. I think this is why I’ve shutdown. I couldn’t quite put my finger on why I’ve shutdown but after listening to this I think I’ve figured it out. This was so very helpful to me, thank you. 💜

@FeliciaShare Год назад

Thank you so much for pointing out these behaviors. If known before healing would have been so much help. I believe knowing this I wouldn't question all these rollercoster behaviors

@DrKimSage Год назад

Thank you for being here, it really can be a rollercoaster.🙏

@christineewing3492 Год назад

I found your channel in the last few days, and your videos are helping me to understand a lot more things. I have cPTSD, and I have a good therapist. Most recently, we've been discussing my living situation - I live with an ex-partner (who is autistic), and have done for many years. I've had to face the fact that it's an abusive situation.. My therapist believes that the situation is perpetuating my trauma. Now, I'm watching your video, and yes, I am settling for less than I deserve! You have explained things so well - as a child, I had to tolerate the intolerable. My current situation is nowhere near as bad, so it's "tolerable". So, thank you for helping me today Dr Sage.

@e11erym 6 месяцев назад

@christineewing3492 I was also dating someone autistic just recently, settling for less than bare minimum, his behaviour just feels like home and I’m addicted to him. He is rejecting me constantly, then coming back. Hot and cold. I feel like i have to try and win his love as if I won’t be able to survive otherwise. Im putting all my efforts into trying to make it work. How’s your situation now?

@akaHobbs Год назад

Perfect timing with this one. So glad you made a video about this topic!

@DrKimSage Год назад

I am so glad you found it helpful:)

@ladyoftheveil8342 Год назад

Love your videos keep them coming

@OnlyOneName 8 месяцев назад

I enjoy this kitty :D Very helpful video! thank you!

@cindyrobinson3882 Год назад

I love that you are so "real" and open. It helps us to relate. 💜 😊

@Thoa817 Год назад

Thank you for your videos. Your explanations are compassionate and informative. This is my life! Because of my childhood, I’ve waste so much time being in unstable and unhappy relationships because my only criteria for a guy is that he doesn’t strike me. It was a win for me that I held to that standard, not knowing that I can ask for much more. Now I feel like I am an avoidant, and afraid of letting anyone in too close. I push away people who triggers me, even for a brief while. The plus is that I am finally listening to my feelings instead of brushing them aside to cope. If I don’t want to deal with you, I won’t.

@francoisbroukx1244 Год назад

Lo, for me, you feel like a beautiful person. Thank you for what you do.

@deborahgonzalez9459 Год назад

Your videos have helped me understand my childhood and why I isolate. I have also gained a deeper appreciation for my mom, and leaning how to stand up for myself. Thank you so much!

@dea9273 Год назад

Coco! That was great!

@DrKimSage Год назад

She loves the camera and for some reason gets up from sleeping and starts exploring right when I start filming!

@thePribs Год назад

Here for your wisdom AND Coco's shenanigans :)

@rosiesullivan2604 Год назад

Thanks 👏😁💃 Dr. Sage for a super duper topic , and highlighting things we feel think and do without realising why we put up with second best feeling unworthy to demand better for when we did growing up didnt turn out well. Once bitten twice shy .Yep it all makes complete sense good to be aware . Well done ♥️😁

@goldieh7121 Год назад

This is a good time for me to watch this. I just rearranged my bedroom because I really felt the need to change something. I was wondering what was going on with me, but it felt so good after. Hopefully something is shifting in me.

@Rosebro111 Год назад

I really appreciate your videos! I like that you didn’t edit 👍

@DrKimSage Год назад

Well I am glad to hear it because it takes so much time and this is the real cat situation lol:)

@SideB1984 7 месяцев назад

James Hollis' book, Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life, calls it a 'wound of insufficiency,' which tells us we cannot rely upon the world to meet our needs due to a parent who was repeatedly not there for us. It can also come from poverty and scarcity. The 3 typical responses are: magical thinking with a tendency to hide out from life, overcompensation, and obsessively seeking external validation. He also talks about the 'wound of overwhelmment,' being powerless in the face of these environments, leading to an avoidant personality. Reactions are evading, controlling, and accommodating or giving in to them.

@charlottemckenzie5259 Год назад

Amazing video so so so helpful

@Morasavillemeditation Год назад

Thank you for this information❤

@AcPh-nc3vz 10 месяцев назад

Thank you. I do this all the time to the point that my life becomes a nightmare.

@lunaazul3000 Год назад

Loved this consideration. Dealing with lifetime issues with undiagnosed and unwilling mother currently in a 'No Contact" effort, Dr. Sage has been a godsend because listening to these videos gives me the support I need to continuously make that effort to self care without having to exhaust my family with my issues. This theme is one that really calls my attention because due to the lifetime of trying to be a good daughter has spilled over to other areas and I have difficulty saying no that situations where I no longer want to stay but my extreme sense of loyalty and desire to please keeps me stuck. Good talk Dr!! Thank you so much again!!

@DrKimSage Год назад

Yes, being the "good daughter" can be so damaging. So proud of you for doing the work, and sending love and healing!

@karaborton310 7 месяцев назад

Oooooo that hit hard this morning

@005Amergin 5 месяцев назад

Thank you for everything you do. I really enjoy your understanding and perspective. I'm just starting on my therapy journey and sm learning so much about myself and why I ended up where I am. For yrs i put up with sub par everything bc i had just given up. I was so exhausted, I didnt say anything. Do speaking up is a real challenge. I really enjoy learning also about the info on these theories. Please carry on, your videos are really great! 🙋🏼‍♀️🙏🏼🇨🇦🌏

@NN-ml7us Год назад

Thank you. Very helpful.

@michaelneal900 Год назад

as Groucho Marx said, I wouldn't want to be a member of any club that would have me."

@mikeburrello4396 Год назад

Love the fung schwey!

@DrKimSage Год назад

Thanks!:)

@ClandestineGirl16X Год назад

Dr. Sage thank you so much thank you thank you thank you

@DrKimSage Год назад

You are beyond welcome!!

@chrisrendino1529 23 дня назад

I’ve switched all medical providers to females due to the devaluating tone I’ve received with more than my share of doctors. Once my eyes opened to the behavior I started calling them out on and then leaving their office.

@SWEETPEA117 Год назад

This is how I have been feeling lately 😢

@DrKimSage Год назад

I'm so sorry, I understand.🙏🙏You are worthy of what your heart desires.

@nataliakravcukova3261 Год назад

Thank you a lot for this, I can relate to that a lot. I have shared it with my friend already, as he can as well. It is quite a sad thing, this lack of love of self. ... I must also say, that was so funny what your cat did. LOL, it made me laugh. I then watched the video again later, because I couldn´t concentrate cuz I was laughing.

@SilvaWaters Год назад

“You’ve allowed the bare minimum to be your standard” Oh f*** 🤦🏾‍♀️

@sarahcouture24 Год назад

Haha i love this, so relatable 💜

@Dani-jo9yr Год назад

Literally cleaning closet while listening to you ,hilarious 😂 Love it 😍 Ps. Coco is a star ⭐️ legend 😅

@elizabethmolnar4643 Год назад

I appreciate your posts very much Th er y allninclude coco. Cant Coco o be put behind cl ok sed foots while you prepare these valuable post. Thank you