Emotional Disconnect: Attachment Wounds and Being Ignored / Still Face Experiment 

Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning! As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on RU-vid. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on RU-vid. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos. If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions ______ Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response. Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz ______ I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work. You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive. Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community ______ Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate ______ Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos. And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!” Best regards, Alan Robarge Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist www.alanrobarge.com/

Today I weep deeply for the generations of children who experience the earliest sadness of the unwelcoming face and unwelcoming presence of the caretaker.

It is a bit sad that it took me 58 years, 40 years of therapy, and 32 years of medication to find these tools. It just goes to show it is never too late to have a good life.

So many people say you just have to deal with this, and it's not normal as an adult to emotionally need another. But most of those people who say this haven't been with a Narcissist and completely emotionally secluded for years. Human interaction is needed. It's nice hearing this be validated.

This makes so much sense to me. My early experiences include having a mother who was always depressed who could not give me emotional security as well as having a father who was abusive. Emotional connection was denied. Extremely painful & has effected so many aspects of my life. No wonder I have issues with self confidence & trusting others. My life has been a journey of trying to heal & trust myself.

I love that he touched on empaths being highly sensitive to reading cues I also love that he doesn’t make us feel wrong or bad for being hurt during emotional disconnect.

Alan; what is breaking my heart and pissing me off is being witness to a WORLD of still faces: Mothers and parents, caregiver's devices taking their attention, babies and young children NOT responded to, and they see parents with blank faces turned to their screens not mirroring child

This is what's been happening in my relationship. My boyfriend is constantly working, sleeps when he can, and is not always in a service area to get my calls and texts promptly. Because I have an attachment wound and have largely been ignored by my parents/ family my nervous system goes off, I use protest behavior which pushes him away more. I apologize later. But I'm still not ok. This relationship stress and life stress, (work, kids, etc.) knocks me down to where I'm so depressed I don't get out of bed. I've been through ALOT in my life and it feels like the stress has been cumulative to the point that any new stress trips a circuit breaker and I'm out. I sleep and sleep. I've been diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome and I think this whole process you've explained in this video may be why.

I experienced a subtle form of the “still face” my entire childhood. My mom would avoid me, not have conversations with me, and only really spoke to me to criticize or shame me. If it wasn’t for a neighbor in the early part of my life who was nice and had conversations with me here and there I would have definitely committed suicide at a young age. I’m almost 30 and still picking up the pieces. Thank you for your validation.

I feel that people have emotionally checked-out on me my whole life and I didn't know what was going on. I am almost at the end of a 29-year relationship with my partner, a relationship in which I continually believed that "things would get better" (without having any idea how because my partner did not believe in marriage counselling). I'm very familiar with "the still face" and am somehow angry at myself that it's taken me this long (I'll be 70 in a couple of weeks) to start to wake up to my illusions. Thank you, Alan. What you have been sharing in your videos is helping to relieve my sense of despair, loss and feeling of utter abandonment.

"Unless you have been trained to have the tolerance for non-interaction then you say, I'm fine, I'm fine..." But deep inside you know the connection never happened and you can't figure out where the missing link is. Thank you for intricately discussing this missing part.

Really eye opening. My Mother was totally disinterested in us as Kids. Feeding and buying us clothes she liked was as much as a Mother she could drag up. I don't think she ever checked in. I am a totally different Mother to my Kids and learned from my past. Blessings.

12 minuets in I had a gut wrenching breakdown. I want to vomit. Thanks for helping me find this wound so I can heal it. Once I stopped breathing as an infant and mom thought I was dead. I think I was and this is why. My inner child work needs to go back to this. I begged God to help me heal completely from all of this codependent wrongness and I got this. I’m hurt to my marrow right now! Thanks for the lesson of attachment disorder, now I release it completely. My parents didn’t know how they were failing me because they would have been there doing what I needed if they knew. I forgive them and release any resentment and all energy associated with this wound. Just, WOW!

Ellie Goulding song The Writer "I try out a smile, and I aim it at you, you must have missed it, you always do".

Thank you so much for this brilliant video. As a person who suffers from CPTSD and a history of abuse and resulting disorganized attachment, I find that I can easily be triggered into fearing for my life when connecting with a person who is emotionally guarded or unavailable. It can take hours, days or even weeks to fully recover from those states of triggering. However I am aware that the relationship doesn't necessarily recover. Overtime I've become very wary of people like that. Your explanation of tolerance being built up over time to untenable relationship paradigms is very helpful. It helps to remind me that I have a right to feel connected and that continuing to expose myself to people who struggle with staying attuned is not healthy for me.

Now I understand this more logically. My ex was emotionally unavailable. I am emotionally available and sensitive to these things. I am an empath. I simply chose the wrong partner.

Anyone else get triggered by this phenomenon in their life and then realize they actually do it themselves to the people they love????

I just came home from my Grandpas funeral which involved all of my 5 siblings and my divorced parents. I was shocked at how obvious it was that our parents don’t really notice us and we all have struggled with depression, addiction, and criminal lifestyles. I was so depressed. I cried on the entire flight home because I felt so yucky about myself. I started researching and found your channel. Thank you so much for these videos and helping me realize that I AM good enough and also learning to recognize the dynamics that have led to me feeling this way. Thank you. ❤️

I feel like I am always lacking real emotional connection in almost every relationship. I always feel isolated despite how hard I try.. in the beginning Mom seemed like she cared... but by the time I was starting school she stopped engaging much. Thank you for your work. You are a godsend

I find your style of SEEK TO UNDERSTAND instead of demonizing the emotionally unavailable so refreshing. Whether the case involves narcissistic abusers or wounds you lift us to a higher realm to see and understand. Empowering!!!

Painful stuff. To realize this is how I've been living is painful - First with a parent and then a spouse. Thank you for helping me understand it and hopefully not repeat it.

Love the hoodie! You look like a Jedi.

This video details why I am distressed in my relationship with my partner and his daughter. There are some words but no detailed emotional communication or connection. I started having panic attacks and now I know why

Just found your channel 24 hrs ago, and have laughed, cried, said “YES” to the television too many times to count as I have viewed your videos. THANK YOU for presenting this important content is such an authentic, engaging way! 🌷 Ps.. just tried the test with my dog. 7 seconds and he was jumping on me to “wake me up” WOW!

My nervous system picks up our disconnect and since we're "family" that makes me a wreck.

You have an excellent way of describing the most difficult to describe experiences. So very very helpful!

I absolutely love the validation. I now have the framework in which to go forward and understand which people I can have a deep connection with and whom it is not possible. I have never trusted people with no emotional connection. My mom and father are now facing this issue with each other. I also feel so much more freedom in knowing I don't have to always second guess myself for absolutely needing this and now I completely understand the panic and anxiety attacks are when I am not even emotionally connected to myself! Thank you from the depths of my heart and soul.

Thank you so much for sharing this wisdom. It's a real relief to finally have some validation on some long standing feelings of mine - what is criticised as 'neediness' is sometimes just straight up needs.

This keeps happening to me. My childhood wounds reopen themselves every day when people make a conscious decision to reject my caring gestures. I have no clue how to experience what I never had and adults are mocking me for it behind my back. It’s embarrassing the whole idea of attachment trauma and struggling to communicate with people, which is a crucial survival skill. I gotta fix this because I feel my survival is at stake. Predators eat stuff like this up.

I lived with a literal "still face" for 40 years.....and I m beginning to notice it in my sons with this person... .This explains SO much, especially since I consider myself an empath.....thank you, thank you, thank you......

really love your videos. often with avoidants that make videos about attachment or anxious's make videos about attachment theres an edge of the bitterness between the two+ this dynamic. i love how you consistently actually marry the two as they really are.. they really are the same thing, same root, issues. not against eachother, we are both struggling on the same thing. its tempting to make the other the bad guy and im so happy and glad that neither are. and you acknowledge that they can actually both happen, maybe someone was avoiding in one relationship, but then they relate to someone who is more avoiding to them and suddenly they are the anxious.

This video is AMAZING. Such an excellent explanation of the pathology behind emotional unavailability. I will be sharing this with my clients who struggle in this area as an additional resource. Superb!

Incredibly healing to hear someone speak of this experience that gets trapped in our head inside all the crazy making with an avoidant. We feel like we’re the only one who sees it and are sensing it. Spot on!

You have answered so many WHY?'s and so many questions about what I have been going through over and over in my life that I am almost speechless except to say IT STILL HURTS even if I learned WHY!

My boyfriend show no emotions, his face is still. He sits with his arms crossed. We watch TV not interacting with each other. I just keep looking at the clock and as soon as it hits 9:00pm I got to bed. I don't feel emotional connection to him and can't stand his sight any more. I know him for two years I don't even really know him. He keeps secrets.

Holy sh*t he just nailed what bothers me about my spouse & couldn't put into words. Nice guy, but emotionally not connected

Wow...My ex was emotionally unavailable. That explains alot. I have Cptsd and my adrenals are shot. IMO its narcissistic traits. He didnt ignore me in the beginning of our relationship. When I brought it up to have more intimacy with him he gave me the silent treatment while on vacation together and eventually discarded me.

“Oh shit!!! Mom is not here!!” I love this ! It made me laugh I didn’t expect a therapist to say that .. but truly.. my mother was/is this way as she was a narcissistic alcoholic

My mother was schizoid and later in life disintegrated into schizophrenia. When I was a child, every day I was left alone with her as my father went to work. You can imagine that she had that face of stillness, I thought it was like she was a body without a soul, she would only look into my eyes to ask me to do something for her, because she refused to get up out of her own chair, so she would make me serve her. So I learned to be submissive to her and accept that my needs should be neglected, all with this still face daily. I cried much like these babies in these still face experiments, I struggled and I even yelled and raged, but it did nothing. My mother would only respond to me by telling me to go away, get out of her face, shut your mouth, you have a big mouth (when I protested against the abuse)...etc. As a result of all this I have been diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder and some dependent personality traits.

Finally I understand why I get this anxious in my new relationship. He does that and I am not at all used to it. He thinks it is normal to not look at each other or touch each other for hours. Only talking while we are in the same room. I can't stand it.

This is really helping me be more emotional available for my boys. There was no emotional connections in my family, but I try very hard to give this to my boys. For many years, I was an unconscious parent because of my own family dynamics, but everyday I am getting better. I can see & feel the relationship between me & my boys flourishing. They are teenagers so they only want so much emotional connection from me, but anytime they come my way I drop everything and give them my full emotional attention. I noticed they are coming out their rooms more & they don’t get mad when anymore when come into their room and say hey let’s check in. They love it deep down. Even their friends say I always hear you mom in the background check on you! 🤣🤣 We even talk about sex and dating, which never happened in my family.

This video is everything!!! Thanks for sharing!

YES!!! I love this developmental psychology and attachment trauma stuff. Wonderful!!!

I never realized how crucial the connection is for humans.

Your words are simply PROFOUND! I am just in awe listening to each and every one of your videos. This is truly such an important baseline and thank you for confirming that the central nervous system is constantly subjected to this teeter totter of emotions. I couldn’t figure out why I felt so battered by the fluctuation of the degree of contact I was trying to manifest in a crush. Now I truly get it. 🤢 Even your video on Emotional Unavailability has become my go to to re listen to when I am feeling bummed out about why a relationship was not able to be manifested. They don’t have the tools for this level of emotional openness and they’ve adapted with particular protective walls to prevent from being vulnerable. (Style of Attachment is on the Avoidance side) via Personality Structure that supports keeping people at bay. Why do so many of us seem so broken? 😥

Best yet. Everything he does is solid.

Love this. Understanding is half the battle. Thank u for yr incite

I've just discovered you! I have 2 parents who have Aspergers. Both extremely clever, but emotionally unavailable, totally unavailable. I had no idea they had Aspergers until I met someone who had it and she reminded me of my Mum. My Dad had an epiphany this year after watching Chris Peckham (UK TV presenter for nature documentaries, who has Aspergers and made a programme about it) and realised that he had Aspergers and talked about it...But didn't then talk about my feelings, his way of dealing with any emotional trauma is to push me away. I m widowed and 10 years ago I moved back with my parents...It's a really remote hamlet with no shop or cafe etc. I drive, I've had lots of therapy in the past, but after watching this, I totally get my need for constantly wanting to avoid home. I'm always saying, like a mantra, that I don't know where I belong or who I am...I've had some disastrous relationships and now realise I've lost my identity...my whole family feels dysfunctional. I sit in my car for ages before I go in....I don't like violence or horror films...I'm highly sensitive and feel other people's stuff...I'm not working and feel so disconnected to everything....I'm 50 and feel trapped. I've used so much energy driving all over the place just to get to things and see another human. When someone gives authentic time, eye contact etc it really touches me. My Dad has often called me useless, he doesn't now as I told him to stop calling me useless as I'm not...Why does a father's words have so much negative impact on me? My Mum doesn't show any emotion at all, but she doesn't come across as nasty like my father does...But once I was so distressed and crying on the floor, she just hoovered around me....I now understand why...But I'm now emotionally and mentally exhausted, but if I don't keep myself going, I'm stuck as I just don't have any support or anyone nearby and now it all feels too big for one small person. I didn't mean to write so much! Thank you so much if you've read this and thank you all for being brave enough to share your feelings...lots of love xx

Excellent breakdown of how the physical and emotional dettachment present themselves. Ah Ha Moment for sure!!! You've giving me the words to explain what I feel. Thank You!

Thank you so much for this video; I feel like I understand so much of my heart's fear and pain right now.

Thank you so much for another great video. This has been a generational issue for not only my family, but my husband's as well.

So valuable this video. Thank you for the validation. My boyfriend does this to me. We meet only once a week and he's still more interested in watching tv than talking to me or do anything else. He makes fun of the fact I don't own a tv (because I don't want one) saying that's why he never comes to stay at my place. And I feel the emptiness but I'm so freakin trained to shut up that I don't even know how to talk about my needs. He would probably break up with me anyway.

Thank you for this, I needed it.

I really appreciate these videos! Thank you!

Thank you so much Alan. I've learned so much from your videos. Everyone should watch this in his/her lifetime when they're feeling something is 'off' in their relationships. This dynamic is killing, and you WILL lose the partner you love - most of the times in my experience. I've worked so hard on the attachment trauma, thought I was ready for a healthy relationship. Only to find out I (subconsciously?) again picked someone who was emotionally neglecting me. She did her best though, I can't really blame her, she also had her attachment trauma. Now weeks later - after the relationship ended - I understand what happend, and how I changed during the relationship. My old wounds, trauma and patterns showed up again. It sucks to be in this place again, starting all over again, but with some new fresh insights from you Alan. Some day I will make it :)

Thankkkkk youuuuuu. I am understanding many things. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Great video! Extremely helpful. I will watch it with my girlfriend to explain her the importance of staying connected emotionally.

Alan, thank you sooo much for this specific video because it brought to my consciousness 3 generations of depression and allowed me to see the unmet needs fo connection. I will be forever grateful for the awareness of this need in 4 of the 5 generations still existing. My mother is deceased, however, there is me and my sons, my grands and great grands who unknowingly have experienced trauma, neglect and the unsmiling face. Just saying the words unsmiling face brings up so much emotional pain that. I become frozen in time. I can't think, focus nor respond to bring some relief to my self ( my damaged, pre-language little girl). I just want to 😱 "here I am, see me, give me some attention, some affection, some nurturing. "

This video really helped me! Finally the answers! You did a great job explaining everything. This was my first video of yours, onto the others.

Thankyou for this illuminating information....it has validated my own experience .I do wonder however, how many parents are actually emotionally available. I get the impression that most are not, due to being disconnected from their own emotions. It seems like the 'norm', this lack of emotional engagement, or the emotional engagement is only on a surface level.

I am watching these videos again - today after the 3rd break up with my (now) ex-boyfriend. I've been looking for 1 of Alan's videos to tell him about, and maybe this is the one. I realize that I am the person in the 3rd example: I don't scream and shout...but I do recognize when it's not normal to be emotionally checked out -- although I'm the one with the high threshold saying: "it's ok" (or at least "ok for now"). And, the consequence is that my needs don't get met, I live in a fantasy that I think I'm in relationship when I'm being related to in an ambivalent/avoidant way. It makes me sad to think I spent Christmas with my boyfriend...and what I witnessed, or at least seemed to feel was a lot of this "freezing" that Alan describes. A lot to think about...and the lesson is: how to recognize the "frozen face" (emotional unavailability) for what it really is, and say for myself: "that does not work for me". It's weird how I used to date overtly abusive men. In recent years, the abusers seem to have been replaced by the ambivalent/avoidants. So, fresh after a break up...Alan's videos really help me cope and think about things in a different vein. Thank you, Alan.

Your great! Just found you today! And I love your glasses and hoodie! ♥️ thanks for sharing your wisdom!!

Awesome info!! I’ve been experiencing this! Thank you

Wow - the most informative and valiable video I've ever watched.

Wow. My ex rarely spoke & if we were together he’d walk ahead of me & I always felt so alone. I was lonely in the relationship & it’s because we only connected sexually. Emotionally he wasn’t present. I just thought he was quiet but really he wasn’t available. He was so sweet & I beat myself up when it didn’t work out but I’m realizing it didn’t matter how nice he was. I was so alone because we didn’t have emotional connection. If I expressed any emotion he totally shut down. I used to crave interaction so much that I’d make friends with anyone ~ no matter where we went because I was so lonely. Interesting stuff.

I’ve been coming to terms with this for a while because it baffles me how my mom doesn’t respond to what I need emotionally and doesn’t bother to try to understand what I’m saying...yet expected it of me in childhood, as a teen, and now as a young adult. Like I get a minimal response toward something I feel strongly about or, if I’m trying to emphasize how important something is to me (an achievement, a mean comment from a friend, etc.), it gets passed over completely and we move onto what she wants to talk about. It’s even more confusing because she’ll sometimes “try” to understand, but it really looks more like imposing her view of my emotions on me rather than actually being quiet, actively listening, and responding accordingly. I have a few friends who are like this too-emotionally there for themselves but rarely for me. It seems to get worse over time. I’m still single, so thankfully I’ll be able to be pickier about finding an emotionally available man.

This is a absolute gold. Thank you so much

Wow, Alan Robarge, you are brilliant. This is insightful and powerful. Thank you for helping me so much to understand my chronic emotional distress in certain relationships in my life. Your information had been life changing for me. 💕

Best explanation ever. Thank u so much!

You are so insightful. Haha thanks for the baby cries! But so true! Attunement is important. We can learn so much from this in our adult relationships.

Love this video💜

Wow you are helping me so much!!!!!

Alan, I just started watching your videos, they are so helpful, and a graduation from the narc blaming sites. After all, we have to live with ourselves and own our part, if we are to truly move on, and form healthier relationships. Thank you for your perspective and insights.

Wow so well broken down in simple terms , 🙏 thanks

This was incredibly validating. Thank you for this!

This was my husband for years. Not all the time but most of the time. At least I was attached and connected to the kids. I freaking hated watching him, being around him. It sucked so bad and only now am I starting to understand why it bothered me so much being near him. My goodness

Alan Robarge, you spell it out! Thank you. I am feeling to be so kind to myself as all of this revelation integrates.

Incredibly helpful to communicate this issue. Thank you very much!

Thank you so much for this video...I always got told that I just imagine these things and that I "feel it wrong"...like wtf. I know what I feel and I know they are real feelings. I feel very fast if I don't get enough emotional nurturing and I don't feel emotional intensity.

One week before my ex boyfriend broke up with me, he disconnected from me and was not available anymore. My primal fear went up so high, it was devastating. I couldn't eat anymore...now that some time has passed I understand better and better the dynamics of what happened. It helps. Even when the pain hits hard again sometimes. I'm looking forward to a beautiful life without drama. Or let's say a beautiful and peaceful life :)

You've got an incredible gift for explaining my childhood and adulthood pain.

i love your videos! you speak so well ans clear, thanks so much for making this information available to people struggling

I loved this video! You're very engaging and the content is great. Thank you :)

Thank You! The video was very helpful.

Holy SPIT …… you’ve created a masterpiece that not only reminded me of that research project and phenomenon (heartbreaking for me to watch, as I am deeply empathetic and can relate to the distress that the infant displays) but how to explain to my husband what his blank expressions, single word responses, lack of visible or audible appreciation of my humor, etc etc etc has done to me - and the affect such a painful emotional disconnect has done to our relationship. **Not completely his fault, as I know who I married … but I didn’t know the extent to which his “calm” manner would affect me, and aid in eroding our connection. Thank you for your content. 🧡

this was fun! I enjoyed watching Alan playing the parts of the mum and the baby

This is great alan, thanks. i can identify with this all of what you have shared. I moved back in with my mother after a long time away from home and re experienced all this distress that now, a year later from moving out of her home, can see was old early attachment trauma. for a long time i thought i was going crazy though. Cheers.

Beautiful lecture. Thank you

Great video. Thank you.

Alan, I resonate very strongly with so much of what you share in your videos - both from personal experience in my marriage and from the stories I hear from my divorce coaching clients. Many clients come to me trying to decide if they should stay or go and my initial goal is always to preserve the marriage when possible. I definitely plan on sharing your content with them. Thanks for really digging into this tough issue.

You have a gift of teaching others. Thank you, you've explained it really well!

WOW! This is insanely well explained. I will never be the same again lol

Absolutely amazing and so Grateful for you. Thank you kindly for sharing.

Awesome channel. Thank you.

Fantastic video. Really well done.

THIS WAS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT ON. YOU ARE WONDERFUL. THIS HAS BEEN HAPPENING FOR 32 YEARS OF MY MARRIAGE, AND CONTINUES TO THIS DAY...THANK YOU FOR PUTTING WORDS TO THIS FOR ME ! ! ! I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO EXSPLAIN IT. AND IAM THE MENTALLY CHALLENGED PERSON WHO NEEDS TO TAKE MY PSYCH MEDS.... XO

You are amazingly correct

Wow, you’ve just explained what I’ve been trying to for a lot of my life. Thank you!

This is so f'n true. My ex gf was still faced and this made me feel rejected. She then got mad at me for seeking connection with her.

I love you Alan for the difference you're making in our lives, and for your awesomeness in sharing what you know!