Enneagram: Help For Type 8 

7 : man just try to relax 8 : hey! I m trying ,ok ? 7 : try harder 8 : *relaxing intensifies*

I really like the way you 'are direct' when talking to 8's. This is what we desire. The truth sometimes hurts, but we'd rather hear it. Thank you!

8 here. "Need to be against. Stay in your lane. Did not set out to be a leader, it just happened. All true!

"If you're an 8 you may not even be watching this because what do you need my opinion for.." I laughed so hard when you said this that I became charmed enough to overcome my 8-ness and go ahead and watch it :) You put together an incredibly thoughtful, accurate, and useful video. Thank you for taking the time to put it together. There are many things you said that resonate with me and affirm much of how my life experience has unfolded. I'm nearing my 70th year and have painfully -- though not ungratefully -- learned many of the lessons you so well and thoughtfully articulated. Now here is an insight I would like to share, and maybe you already understand this, so apologies if my presumption about that is wrong. Its not that we (8's) want to control our environment simply because we want to be safe from hostile people or because we lust after power for power's sake -- its much more basic and primitive than that. Its because when control is lost there is an utterly terrifying fear that person-hood could be subsumed, engulfed, or consumed. Its the opposite of a fear of abandonment. Its a fear of engulfment. Its not a lustful wish for power and control, but an overriding fear that without it, viability as a being is at risk. This is a pre-verbal, unconscious, and irrational fear, that probably has its beginnings in early infancy.. or maybe even the womb. I don't know. But its not something we 8s think about. We just act it .. until and unless we learn later in life to be more self-aware. To a person in the grip of such fear, having to take control sucks because its just so much work. But its better than the alternative. That's why I pushed my mother away at such a young age.. 5 or 6 I think. I instinctually sensed that her over-protective and hovering presence would subsume me and that I would cease to exist as my own person. Even though the fear of being a motherless child was compelling, it was not nearly as compelling as the fear of non-being. I've worked really hard to restore my good health and my emotional life. Faith has been a huge part of that, though I don't ascribe to any particular religion or philosophy. I'm healthy enough now to help others. I'm feeling a strong pull to do that now that I've given up my warrior mind-set, and now that I've learned how to recognize and modulate my fear of engulfment and wish for control. I never knew that letting people in, and letting go a little bit could be so much fun as it is! I've learned a lot about boundaries and that people can only go as far and as fast as they are able. But maybe I can find a way to gently intrude in a kind and loving way that people can hear and find useful for their own healing, I'm just now trying to find what form this calling can or should take . Just a thought now. I have no idea what the next steps are or how to proceed. But I am encouraged nonetheless. In any event -- keep up the good work. I look forward to more videos, and I sincerely hope you get the recognition you deserve and that your messages are heard.

This is the best type 8 video that I‘ve seen , thank you for the examples and great description!

I don’t know how he knows so much about me.

Exactly! When bantering with someone it doesn't mean we are upset or angry! :D

As an 8w7, I really appreciated your direct talk and especially the tips to become more healthy. I almost cried when you said that people love me not for my power, but for who I am.

I'm laughing so hard. I did a diet where I only ate potatoes for 4 months. I lost 20lbs. This video is so spot on.

I always say that I take out my sadness as anger cause it’s easier for me. Sadness feels weak. I’ve always said that even before I heard about the enneagram types. 🤯 8w7

“A burnt marshmallow” lol. So true 😂

For the majority of my life I have felt like a bug zapper on someone's front porch that is bright and attracts all of the insects but when they get close I hurt them or worse and the I simply regress back to my unhealthy 5 state. I've watched your video twice so far and have made notes on everything. You have really put this personality type into perspective for me! This analysis has given me insight into my own mind and hopefully in the future will allow me to pick up on cues that I can fix before I make a mess of things in my work, social and home life. Thank you for such an in-depth discussion!

I, as a 8 woman, would describe my salvation experience as Knowing that my Heavenly Father has my back. He has my best interest in mind, he will never betray me, and I can come to him just as I am. I don’t have to know or plan everything(and have a backup plan for everything) and my guards don’t allows have to be up because my Heavenly Father is always in control. I can now choose to behave like an innocent child, his child.

I just started a bone broth diet to heal my gut (and mind) but also to lose weight and I’ve done it before for 6 months and saw the results I wanted. Us 8s can see / feel the action that’s needed to see results in our lives and we only struggle deciding if it’s actually worth our time or not. But when we decide it is, there’s no stopping us. I relate too much to this video for my own comfort. “Get out of my fort !” 😂

I love that you said 8s really just want left alone. So true. However, people around me don't believe it. Why is that? Great videos with a lot of good information. As far as betrayal goes, those situations are a betrayal. Lol. Also, the controlling your environment situation you gave are really people trying to control your life. I think that's different than controlling the environment.

So during quarantine I’ve become obsessed with the Ennagram. Read and listened to at least 6 books and watched several videos. Your description of the 8 is awesome. I am an 8 and I found myself LMAO. Pegged me to a T. I played several parts to my husband and he was impressed with how spot on you are. Your awesome I plan to watch lots more videos you have. Thanks!!!

I'm a nine and exhausted by the first 2 minutes 😆, cuz I married one. It's all so true and does help me cope. My husband always says Don't believe the hype, then starts an argument

I’m an 8w7 this was a great video! Had me laughing most of the time. Thank you.

I wouldn't necessarily say that I think other people or stupid. It's more so about respect and the challenging of that respect. I expect the same level of effort and competency that I bring to the table and if you're not going to put in that attention to detail or level of effort I'd rather do it myself and bypass it. If someone is competent I have high respect for them and tend to take more of a supportive how can I best serve you. Often times that's translated into cold emotionless thinking, which I guess it can be but the overall intention is getting things done and doing them right. Every relationship I have is treat others the way I would like to be treated which drives me to give 120% to every encounter and when people aren't presenting that it gets frustrating. It's a learning challenge and a constant test of patience. I think most 8's just want the best for themselves and the best for those around them regardless of what it costs to get there.

LOL I'm an Eight, and I live and die by my Google Calendar!

I've watched a few of your vids to get a sense of your take on things, and you are IN MY FORT! Excellent perspective and learning. Thank you!

Wow this was enlightening I am a small female 8 married to a big male 8. You know how many times I have told him of plans without asking like it’s nothing. Then he does the same to me and I lose it 😂 empathy low need for control HIGH. Thank you for this insight!

I'm an 8. My dad's a 1.. needless to say, there's personality clash. Since watching your videos, I've gained understanding on the challenges I often find myself navigating. I'm expanding my self awareness and doing my best to grow and manage my instinctual (sometimes aggressive) reactions to situations. Thank you for the knowledge you share with the community here 🤝🏼

It's easy to fall in love with 8s , it's hard to keep loving them. They're amazing people but I can't help to get furstrated with their tendency to turn everything to a battle for power. You could be talking about your hurt feelings and they would only think you're trying to control them , manipulate them. I can really see how deeply it hurts them when they drive their lovedone's away , but at the same time I get the sense that they actually like " this is what it is , deal with me or leave " . The endless testing for boundaries drives me crazy . It's as I said falling in love with 8 is natural , easy , but to keep loving them is challenging , and hard work. Some of us including me decide to leave the immature 8 not because we stopped loving you _ we'll probably do for ever _ but because there's no other way. Off course we're not asking you to change who you are , believe it or not , we love you because who you are . What we are asking you to change is certain behaviors , those that hurt us and let us question what we mean to you. sure healthy 8 are on another level , I have no doubt about that , it's one of my dreams to meet one one day. I am blown away by the average 8 , I can't help to get excited by meeting the ones in the healthy range. They make you feel like no one else , connected , understood , and valued in a unique way like no other type can . Thanks for the informative video , it helps a lot to understand where are they coming from , hoping to have a good relationship with the next 8 I meet in my life. The part about connecting through argument is mind blowing , I always thought that hated me when they do that . It's funny . And of course I am a 4 , maybe that explains my obsession with 8s. We could never meet .

I'm laughing so much watching this. Your contents are great displays of 8s. And this video makes a great mediation between 8s and others!

You described my whole life in this one episode!

Man this is such a POWERFUL teaching. Thank you SOOOO much.

This is the first video I've watched of yours... Great delivery! I was laughing my head off that many times in spite of myself...! I really liked how accurate and how well you articulated 8's. Also that you were able to laugh at 8's contradictory features. Accurate and entertaining 👏🏼👏🏼 Thank you. I'll be watching more 💯

I don’t know if it’s just me, but this guy has such a good sense of humour. I can listen to him all day. Thank you , the advice was hard to hear . ❤️

I look forward to the usefulness this will provide in raising my 8 daughter.

The majority of the content describes me as a teenager but in my mid 20s I went into therapy, then went on to run support groups, I love helping people develop, genuine good people. I actually enjoy peace alot more then fights, but fights are necessary at times. My hard exterior developed as a coping mechanism actually, my parents are toxic. The challenging I express is more like a therapist or a teacher provoking thought and development. I think ekhart tolle is type 8

I laughed out loud a few times. Dead on! You’re really skilled at this. I’m going to refer my couples to your videos.

It's hard being an 8. You feel used at times and betrayed a lot...but you just say to yourself "fuck it, just keep moving forward." Oddly enough, responding like this makes things tuffer because you become more callus on the outside but softer on the inside.

You are such a good teacher!!! Thank you for making these videos.

Sooooooo helpful! Thank you so very much! I’ve watched this one early on after discovering enneagram and testing an 8w7. It’s even more poignant and helpful now. My wife’s a 1w2 and after 8 years and two kiddos, the ups and downs, and then 2020, I’ve basically become that porcupine that’s hard to hug. Trying to do everything I can to improve and be the best an 8 can be!

"They don't need you to like them, they need you to leave them alone" Lol. Yes.

This one hit deeper than I expected but.. Thank you. I myself am an 8 and I gotta say I really am tired of fighting so many wars both internally and externally. Message well received

Hey Dr LaHue, good video. I like the fort analogy. As a kid of ten years old, I had to write a story at school. It was a story about my castle. I had my own tribe and we would live in the castle. We would protect the farmers against the villains. We would train our fighting skills every day. And if another tribe would attack us, we would always win. My mom gave it to me many years later when I was training every day with my race rowing crew. :) Greetings from an 8w7

Yes, everything is spot on. i think nobody knows me better, i need some self improvements. Thanks for the video!

This is so helpful. ‘Give me a few minutes alone in a room with them- I’ll sort it out’ I have said many times in variety of situations- parenting, work, anyone who treats someone I care about unfairly. Have been viewed widely as a scary person. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I like you, Tom. I'm an 8w9, and I don't need your opinion, but you've been paying attention and I like that. 21:00+ "an 8 wants to be rich so he doesn't have to work for YOU". Nah, man The 4 jobs I had from mid 20s to mid 60s were all management, and I told them I was there to run the place when I showed up. I am either the king, or the warrior prince, everywhere I go. It either belongs to me (in my mind) or it will. As for the gravy on the mashed potatoes, I can't stand being around someone who won't speak up for themselves. I can keep quiet about it, now, but it still annoys me. I also know where the exits are in any room I enter, and who is sitting where, and what their potential strengths and weaknesses are, and what can be used as a weapon or barrier. I generally applaud someone taking the initiative to order pizza, but sitting around talking about it is gonna piss me off.. They are getting it done! The "betrayal"? Yeah, that's the big one. When an insider betrays, they are taking their life into their hands. They are out, and may not survive. Absolutely gonna test the one in charge, if that's even required. It often doesn't even require testing to know if the "leader" can lead. IF they can, I want them to, and will support them vigorously. "Lust"---can be sexual, but generally it's more a lust for life, but can be a blood lust. It's always intense. The last 10 items...I'm powerful, and the businesses I've managed were successful because because I empowered others. That is my super power.

Best video I have ever heard on 8's. Spot on! It is like you know me so well!

When I think of myself in my 20's.. Boy, was I ever a bull! Praise God for his healing grace! Still a work in progress. You nailed some of my thought. LOL

As an 8 listening to the list of people who "help" us at the end, I can say with confidence that we don't need to remember that people help us, we need to remember that the help we receive is from people. My mental reaction when you were listing off all the plumbers and electricians who got me to work today was "yeeeeaaahhhh.... but those guys aren't people". I understand this is a crazy thing to think, but it is how I categorize who gets to take up mental real estate. Also, I fully plan to buy a farm and live off grid and raise my own meat and plant my own vegetables and rely on no one except God. So there. Screw reliance on "people".

just love the way you give me lots of affirm and complainants， simply love you

Yes, this is the deepest video on the enneagramtype eight i watched until now. (and that by a 7 :P).... No really- the thing with a higher power, the examples of how to be remembered, how to go trough emotions. Very reckognisable. Good work, inspirational work. Its a very truthfull mirror of the ennneagramtype i wish i had seen/ known earlier in life.

This is amazing.... finding so much validation and learning a bit about what I could stand to work on.

You totally exposed me haha. I have been on a path to recovery from some of my worst traits I've picked up over the years. I came to this video to see where I wasn't looking. I enjoy being challenged, I feel like that's the only way to find truth. The stuff you explained about lust for power and control is something I've been working on. I don't attach myself to groups but I do appreciate the value of what I learned through Christianity about surrendering to the Creator. It gives me the energy I need but peacefully. I decided earlier this year I would use my gifts for good in the world. This really helps me a lot. I generally use astrology and I think was pretty close to my strong Aquarius-scorpio tendency but the bull is taurus which I have been trying to tap into more. My grandmother and I have the same taurus placements and I get called a grandma all the time. This was a great video. I wrote the list at the end because I'm dead serious about fighting for justice but trying to stay within the rules so I don't get in too much trouble.

Thanks. This increased my understanding of my husband a lot because as a complete 9, it can get challenging to understand such a mind set. :-)

I recently found out I'm an 8. This video is so helpful and it explains a lot. I've done the restaurant thing several times to my friends & family 😅

This video was amazing... so true and so accurate and helpful for me as an 8w7.. thank you.

Wow, thanks for this clear, accurate, description of the 8. Being new to studying the Enneagram I appreciate gaining this insight and why I can be kind towards the vulnerable and yet want to “Hulk out” or challenge when things aren’t right.

As an 8 this all is so true, some of which I don’t want to admit right away but thinking about it definitely.

Thank you Dr. Tom. I am doing some "in" work right now. I am an 8 in ministry and specifically minister with people with disabilities. Something that has helped me as I have come to better understand my inclinations as an 8 is using my "against" for good. For example: I am against a majority culture that dismisses my friends that have disabilities as unworthy. That "against" fuels me to do good ministry with teens with disabilities. It fuels me to encourage my volunteers in the importance of our work together. Something healing has been to meet people that are also on board to fight this fight with me, and in fact were fighting it long before me. Acknowledging this helps me take a breath to realize its not all on me to make to change the world... I also just need to lean into my wing 7 a little more by relaxing into my childlike side where I can relax into vulnerability and not take myself so seriously. Just an initial reflection. Thanks for the work you are doing man!

👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Added to favorites. I am humbled. 😔😌 Thank you Doctor. 🙏🏽🙏🏽

Thank you so much for this video, the 10 steps for healing are what I am going to focus on for personal growth!

Acting first and thinking afterwards is definitely something that resonates to me today. And as a nurse I deal with enough stupid people that "people are stupid" definitely seems to ring true.

I think you have a wonderful grasp on how 8s are thinking. I find myself nodding, laughing and yes cringing a lot at the descriptions lol you certainly have given me a lot to think about as far as my dealings with other numbers and how I come across. And how I can improve. Thank you.

If I didn't read the title, I would have thought you are talking about me in details. Thank you, Dr. LaHue. Thank you for helping myself know better! Thanks!

Great video! Thanks for comparing 8w7 and 8w9.

This is helping me so much with my 8 son who is 17! Thank you for your videos!!!!

9w1 here, listening for my 8 husband and character that I'm writing. "8-9-1- operate with the mind set that people are stupid" - YUP!!! My husband and I both say that people are stupid at least once a week.

Re freshing my relationship to my 8 ness and working to breakthrough and heal. I do appreciate directness with an order of compassion and less to fight but to understand greatly. I realize that my prodding and challegnging as much as I am helping is not always understood by those close to me. Thank you!

Wow you’re dead on on everything thank you so much! Gonna go watch your other videos :)

My daughter is a 8. She's offen amazed that her friends at school find her intimidating, she thinks they are stupid to think that about her lol!

This was very helpful and insightful! THANK YOU Dr. LaHue!!!!

Thank you!! I appreciate your content.

Yassss the energy of Madea!!! Love it💞 yes I relate to this so much.. Just don't carry a pistol in my purse! Lol 😆

Great video and see my teenager in this. It would be great to see content on how to best deal with 8, not just what they are all about. And how specifically to deal with a female 8 teen. Wow! Talk about “the challenger”. Very dramatic and tumultuous years and even more so as a 8 teen!

You know me so well. Besides being an 8 am an infj. Wc complicates things alone. I recently thought am narcist but read alot and i don't have all the narcist traits. It's just being an 8

I’m a 4w3 married to an 8 lord help me understand him better. 😇

My gooey marshmallow center, as you described around the 40min mark, probably explains why I have a passion for missions - particularly in third world nations

Trying hard to be a "healthy" 8w7 in my communications with my employer today. It is hard work. Better I come across as artificial and helpful rather than defensive and accusatory. Face hurts from smiling.

I am an 8w9. I’m a single mom to 10 kids, 8 I adopted and 4 have Down syndrome. I have always taken James 1:27 (“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: care for orphans and widows in their affliction”) very literal and didn’t understand how people can call themselves a Christian and not adopt. My kids will tell anyone, if mom says it’s going to happen, she will make it happen. I never understood where this intensity came from and why people were intimidated by me. After digging into the Enneagram over the past few months, it has helped so much. Thanks for speaking hard truth, so us 8s can grow to our best self.

Watching this right after the 4 video and you are giving off a totally different vibe, kinda like you are taking on the types as you present them. Interesting!

This is a great description of an 8 , i don't always see myself as an 8 but maybe is because of My 9 wing , it was a hillarious start " if youre an 8 You re probably not watching this" it was great . I started with the enagram when i by mare chance started watching Claudio naranjos vídeos an since then Ive been learning a Lot about myself an the others ,it is always great to watch videos like this that contribute to understand how an 8 act and when You need to be more empathic with others by trying to not appear agressive or rude, and when You need to unleash all yourself lol. Great job 👍

totally true about the restaurant thing...i will send it back no questions asked.

6:11 as a 8w9 female, I disagree a teeeeny bit that I’m about trying to keep people in their own lane. I’m more about “people are stupid, so let me just try to explain to them why/how they are stupid, in the hope this will remove some of the stupid from my vicinity” but of course it’s doomed to failure, you can’t change stupid people’s opinions with logic 😂 But yeah you know your stuff. This video is so on point 👌

This was really a blessing. Thanks man

Thank you so much for the understanding

Omg! This really helps me understand myself! Great video ❤️ I am LoL 😂 as I hear you explain how I usually react to thing! #yougetme #needtobeagainst #donttrytocontrolme

I'm a 1 and an 8. Both videos really spoke to me. The calendar example was spot on.

Really good information! Thank you for sharing! Tommy Lee Jones is an 8 in the roles he plays. He's cool. I love Madea.

I have studied every personality test for years and nothing helped me REALLY understand my husband (an 8) until I found the Enneagram!

I've yelled "YESSSSSSS!" Just in the first 5 minutes of this video! I'm an 8, I fully know that, THANK YOU for explaining "me" to everyone else!!!

Amazing Video! I definitely connect with your message.

Nice fort analogy....so good.

The guy I dated recently is so resistant anything I mention or bring up he always resists but give him 3 minutes and then it’s acceptable and an ok idea lol! I always knew this so I just accepted it 😆

Thank you for highlighting the blindspots of 8

I'm a solid 8...but I oddly don't have trouble asking for help. But ...lol...me with my husband at the marriage counselor; Therapist: How did that make you feel? Me: Angry! Therapist: Anger is a secondary emotion...what did it originally make you feel? Me: MAD! Therapist: try again Me: Anger! I just feel happy or angry. What else is there??

As a typical 8, I would just disagree with the fact that I wouldn’t want people testing me. I welcome anyone to test me. A person can test my resolve or my boundaries. They shouldn’t get upset though with the results they get from me. Otherwise, I felt very shaded throughout this entire video. It was very insightful and I will be working on the unhealthy traits in counseling. Thank you.

Hi. Enjoying your vids. You may want to add the word "tend" to your vocabulary. All types are in different areas of growth. Not always acting out their fixation. Good luck!

U made me🤣. Get out of mind! When u said "people are stupid"😂 I say that way too much

Hey, I just want to say thank you for making us this content! Pretty cool. I found it amusing and accurate though I will disagree atleast in my case on a couple of things. I get these are just a rough outline though. So in my case, I don't typically get involved with others affairs. I will offer suggestions if I'm asked or if a person keeps coming to me with issues, venting which is fine but if overtime they seem to have the same issues and always playing victim, one would guess they are victims only to themselves. You can't help those that don't want to be helped. Also, I do get angry but I try to go off on my own and use it for art or music if I'm in a place to do so. If I'm not, I pray I have a nice quiet place for 5-10 minutes. If I feel boxed in, trapped, attacked, I will walk away and if the person won't respect giving me time to chill if I ask them nicely, I will find them a threat and I will then become hostile myself. The history or reasoning I believe for that was an abuse I was in for many years but again, I don't believe in being a victim. I allowed it. Sure there are instances where some might have no control but that was not the case for me. I chose to stay. As a result I was diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety when I left, mandatory counseling from a DUI a decade ago, so I was studying different diagnoses and disorders. Now I'm very recently, diving more into personality traits, typology. I took the Briggs a few times and it came up Intj-a. It's all really fascinating. Now I've learned I'm an 8 on this spectrum. I know these aren't probably to a t but it's cool to have a general reference. It just felt like some things about myself still weren't clear and this tied it all together for me. I can focus more on healing now. Being an intj, I do isolate a lot and learning about all this has helped me to see others in a different light. No longer is it me verses the world but once again, my sister's and my brothers. I feel like the fire inside me has been reignited and though this is a dumb post noone will probably ever read, I hope there's one or 2 that get something. I have found a few soul peeps out there this way, passing the baton. God speed!❤️

After MUCH thought(and research), I thought I had my self pegged as a 4w5 sp/sx (infj). And I have done MUCH work on my self. I had to learn boundaries because I had given TOO MUCH and had left my self out early in life. Been at it about a decade now. And I was literally a hermit for 7 years and dealt with my self. Then I finally realized I NEED people. Everything is meaningless without relationships too. Working in the social side of things now. I think and feel a LOT. But I identify with a lot of this too. Like the part about being straight and honest and expect (want) the same from others. Being assertive. Defending the underdog. Wanting to help others. And the ANGER, but that took me a while to get to all that in my life. After much trauma and abuse. I began fighting for my self. And now I'm SO confused AGAIN lol I just want to find out everything about my self so I can FEEL BETTER and have good relationships with the people in my life. That movie Frozen TWO really got to me. I feel like I identify with Elsa, especially that part when she battled the ocean (seems like emotions?), but maybe I'm just fooling my self? I realize 8 may be one of my tritype. I was really unhealthy and stressed most of my life. So I just don't know. I'm just glad I got Jesus, because now I get all my identity, security, and value from God. I made that choice and REMIND my self of my choice when I start slipping back in the pit (the outhouse?). But it's HARD. And I now know I'm not special, I'm just unique, just like the rest of us, and I'm ok with that lol😊

So true!! My other half is an 8 and I'm a 1. Prayers are welcomed for my teenage son. LOL

Spot on!!

Spot on! 🙏

Speaking as a 9, we don't think you are stupid if you disagree, we just think you are unaware of what we instinctively know. But in this way almost every type would feel this way about others when they disagree, also including 8, 9, 1, 2, 4, 5. We do have the ability to disconnect from a situation and move our active consciousness into the large picture instead.

OMG how many times have I told people, I don't thrive on arguments...they think I ENJOY it. I don't. But I sure as hell not gonna let anyone get away with stuff. :D I was nodding so hard, my head almost fell off, when you were saying "Who are you to tell me what I should eat" LOOOOOOL Really, I think it's so comedic sometimes how easy it is to understand us 8s. :'D