What is the enneagram wing for a self preservation 2 "Adorable 2? Thank you Dr. Tom for making the best video on the Two Ever. I thought I was a type 4, 6 or even 7 but your example of the Enneagram 2 Adorable subtype describes me to a T. I also thought I was an INFP because I thought I was more introverted but now I know the Adorable 2 is just the more introverted version of 2/ENFP. My OCD has been killing me for the 3 years I have studied MBTI and Enneagram not being sure which one I was but now I do thanks to you! My husband is an INTP 7 Wing 6 and we have the most fun relationship ever
@@killianwinterfell9802 3 wing is more common in this subtype, but the subtype doesn't automatically determine your wing. You could still be either one.
@killianwinterfell9802 Hi there! I'm a 2w1 self preservation subtype. It also describes me. I also have OCD, which comes from my one wing. Self preservation ones are prone to OCD and perfectionism. Sometimes I score INFP, and other times I score ENFP. I would say you sound more like a 2w1 because of the OCD 💜
Heyy is it okay if you can describe your experiences with the sexual 2 variant? I can’t really imagine how “sx 2 ‘femme fatale’” plays out in a guy... What happens to you if you are attracted to someone?
@@Regina061 Yeah no problem! Like how another comment bellow described how the sexual 2 kinda morphs into trying to be the perfect lomg term partner, that is a part of my relationships that i notice i fall into. I always try to be the "best person i can be" which was when i was younger changing into the person i think they want. The seductive nature comes with I am selective in who i pursue romantically. I carry myself with confidence, try to be witty and am passionate about things that interest me. My friends say i flirt with everyone but i dont really go after someone unless I can find a deep connection with them (typically career based cause I'm studying to be a pastor). In my mind personality and establishing that connection largely determines attractiveness (this mirrors how girls determine attraction but is unusual for guys to do this). Someone could be a 10 out of 10 in looks, but unless I can connect with them I don't pursue them.
The seduction and charm of a sexual two isn't outward to just anyone. Sexual twos are well aware that they COULD charm and manipulate whoever to get what they want (pride) but they don't chose to do that to just anyone because of their underlying fear of failure (shame.) Rather, sexual twos will unconsciously study the person that they desire over a period of time and then shape shift into everything that person wants and needs in every circumstance.. So that way they cant (and won't) fail to win that person's affection. Most sexual twos are only focussed on deep relationships. They are great at surface level interactions because they can shape shift to mesh and get along with anyone, but it always ends up feeling shallow, pointless and exhausting to them. If a sexual two is too caught up in surface level interactions they will become depressed, feeling like something is missing. Sexual twos live for deep intimacy and soul connections. Most of their friendships last a lifetime, and if they don't it's beause of the other party, and the sexual two feels abandoned brcause of it.. Like someome took a piece of themselves with them as they left. If a sexual two is in a committed relationship or married, their entire world revolves around that specific person and they are trying to win that person's approval and undivided attention to continually fill the void of shame, their worth lies in how well they fit the mold of their partners every want and need. 2 halves = whole (Love) Personally, It wasn't until Jesus filled the void of shame that I ever felt completely whole. Sexual twos feel like they need someone or something else to feel whole, because they themselves arent ever enough (shame.) They long for their "happily every after" and romanticize about it as if it is Eden.. Like love is the answer for everything.
“There’s two types of people... the ones that love me and the ones that don’t know me well enough yet” LOL facts 😂 thanks Dr. L, you rock and I am so grateful for your content and presence!
I cried when you said thank you and sorry we took you for granted. I do really feel I am able to see myself clearer and understand myself a bit more after watching your 2 videos. I find myself showing traits of 8 which I don't want to but moving to 4 is scary, it's hard to be content with just yourself, not feeling needed or loved by people around you.
Can someone please help me figure out if I am a enneagram 2. When listening to all of the 2s core desires and fears and everything I relate a lot to the feeling of wanting to be needed and doing things and hoping in return people will appreciate or do something for me back. When it comes to that I think I am a two but I also feel like I don’t overextended myself to help people. Of course if someone ask for help I’ll do it but I feel like I am not a regally really helpful person. It might be becuase I am only in high school but idk. I also feel like I get into conflicts sometimes. I read somewhere that 2s never say no but I feel like with my family I almost always don’t want to do what they ask like empty the dishwasher or clean my room. I read a few books on all the different types and I don’t really feel like I match any of the other core desires and fears but idk. Anything would help. Also maybe I am a 2w3 becuase it seems more like me. I also could be a certain subtype so tell me what subtype you think I am
@@emmahintz830 I completely relate with what you said about feeling lazy regarding chores. I think most 2s are ambitious with the arts, but not practical things as much.
Right especially when everyone around you take you for granted. They only want you to play "the nice servant" , but don't respect you on a deeper level or what you try to do. The 8 in me is always like alright watch what happens I'll play your roll then when the sh** hits the fan you gonna look to me for help and I'm gonna say I told you so. Lol that's the evil side to being a 2. Don't take me for granted cause when I walk away you're gonna feel it!
The sexual 2 is more subtle. It’s a blushing cheek and a nibble of the lip. Def they won’t run their hand through your hair because it might cross a line. Think batting eyelashes.
I was thinking about how you talked about the preservation 2 offering help but secretly hoping someone else would do it. I remember at my church, members used to bring snacks every Sunday for after service. Then the church moved and we quit doing that for about 2 years. Well when I was about 20 I decided everyone was leaving too quickly and not fellowshipping, so I started bringing snack again. My Mom asked a few other ladies and pretty soon we had a rotation in place again. Well some of the ladies started bringing really fancy homemade stuff, which stressed out my mother since she didn't have time to make fancy food. So I purposely would bring store bought items and I told people it was "to keep the bar from getting too high." but also I didn't want to bring snack anymore and I was hoping the other ladies would take over. Sure enough, about 2 months down the line, I was 100% out of rotation. I was quite pleased. I improved my church's fellowship time, so I felt I had done my duty, and I was no longer in charge of or participating in the food service. I could just chat and have a nice time. And people still thanked me for restarting the fellowship time. Win win win. :D
I have several sides or parts of self because of severe and repeated trauma. One of my main parts is a 2w1 self preservation subtype. The reason I don't want to be in places of authority is because I was parentified and spousified by both parents. As a young child, I was responsible for their wellbeing and it was too much to handle. Having someone's life in your hands is an overwhelming amount of pressure, and enough pressure to traumatize a child. I avoid being in places of authority so that I don't have to be reminded of that pain.
Thank you this is such a great video and series !!! I was just thinking it might be useful to make your videos less gendered. I know a lot of 2s that are men (my ex boyfriend being a sexual 2) and I think describing the 2 as the "girlfriend" for example and generally portraying the 2 as a women, as it is a traditionally feminine type, can unwillingly exclude men and prevent them from recognising themselves within the type... which is a shame !! :)
Self pres 2 is described terribly. Not his fault. Instead of “childlike” i think of it as “I’m making myself small and unassuming so you don’t find me threatening” kind of like a 6. But doing it in a flattering way. Smiling. Flirtatious. Innocent.
No. I'm sp 2 and the description is so spot on it's scary. Not being threatening is so out of left field IMO. Why would a 2 focus on that? I never had issues with people finding me threatening. Actually my issue is no one finding me threatening ever. Which I don't see as an issue because my cuteness plays into it most of the time, so it does not get in my way.
SP 2 is possibly Rapunzel. She seems like a 7 because her whole story arc is breaking out of that tower and her many hobbies, but her primary fear is displeasing and hurting others, and along the way all she does is love people, act innocent and cute, and get everyone including the police horse to do everything for her. She isn't afraid of the tower and imprisonment, she's afraid of breaking her mother's heart and afraid of what will she do once her dream of seeing the lanterns come true. Possibility doesn't delight her, it scares her because now she has to find a purpose, which ironically enough she immediately finds in being in love with Flynn. And her growth and actual arc isn't in finding freedom, but in becoming an adult who stands up to her mother and takes responsibility for her venturing out into the world and surviving (instead of laying it on Flynn and her "Mother").
I just started exploring enneagrams, and I came out tied as a 2, 8 and 7. It made no sense to me, and my husband insisted I'm a 2. Being a 2w3 ( and my test came out 1.social, 2.sexual, 3.)self preservation. Your description totally sounds like me, and explains why I answered some questions as an 8- I am confident and passionate in my work (as a teacher leader, go figure!). Now I can start my spiritual work on this! Thank you so much for your clear description!
SP 2 is possibly Rapunzel. She seems like a 7 because her whole story arc is breaking out of that tower and her many hobbies, but her primary fear is displeasing and hurting others, and along the way all she does is love people, act innocent and cute, and get everyone including the police horse to do everything for her. She isn't afraid of the tower and imprisonment, she's afraid of breaking her mother's heart and afraid of what will she do once her dream of seeing the lanterns come true. Possibility doesn't delight her, it scares her because now she has to find a purpose, which ironically enough she immediately finds in being in love with Flynn. And her growth and actual arc isn't in finding freedom, but in becoming an adult who stands up to her mother and takes responsibility for her venturing out into the world and surviving (instead of laying it on Flynn and her "Mother").
“Don’t have a panic attack” 🤣🤣 Self preservation 2 here! Spot on 😳🤣 Thank you for all your time and effort in creating this great video! The Beverly Hillbillies 🤣 I can see it!
Do you think that I could also be a self preservation based off of this. Can someone please help me figure out if I am a enneagram 2. When listening to all of the 2s core desires and fears and everything I relate a lot to the feeling of wanting to be needed and doing things and hoping in return people will appreciate or do something for me back. When it comes to that I think I am a two but I also feel like I don’t overextended myself to help people. Of course if someone ask for help I’ll do it but I feel like I am not a regally really helpful person. It might be becuase I am only in high school but idk. I also feel like I get into conflicts sometimes. I read somewhere that 2s never say no but I feel like with my family I almost always don’t want to do what they ask like empty the dishwasher or clean my room. I read a few books on all the different types and I don’t really feel like I match any of the other core desires and fears but idk. Anything would help. Also maybe I am a 2w3 becuase it seems more like me. I also could be a certain subtype so tell me what subtype you think I am
Thx for the insight. The funny thing is my brother is a sp 2, my dad is a so 2, and I'm a sx 2 so I've seen all the 2 personalities in person. So that kinda described the difference between us even though we're all 2s. Thx for that. That's the exact video I needed.
Listening-so much value here! I did just hear your statement about 2s-that everybody loves me and those who don’t just don’t know me-and don’t relate to that at all. I don’t have that sort of positive (deluded!) assumption about my inherent worth or value to others. I do relate to Wanting everybody to like me, and being Loved by everyone would be like delicious birthday cake everywhere I went, but shame and pride are in there too. I have spent quite a long time developing my Facade of attractiveness and generosity and “goodness,” but have gotten more and more aware that my giving isn’t genuine or deep (enough) if I can be so easily triggered into resentment or judgment when it’s not returned in the way that feels best to me.
What you just said rings true for me as well! I feel like when people don’t like me then it’s on me and I have done something wrong. Maybe not worked hard enough or they see a flaw and I haven’t been able to “win” them over quite yet bc something is wrong with me. A lot of Shame and guilt. But I did say “yet” so maybe I do think I can still make them like me at some point! Bc at some point they have to see my good deeds and figure out that I am good? Hmmm...interesting.
@@SoaringAboveItAll thanks, Rachel-you nailed it! That feeling of “you just don’t really know me yet” doesn’t stem from ego on my part, thinking I’m just so incredible that of course everyone likes me, but more of “here I am trying so hard to do everything right and if they just knew that, they would agree that I’m lovable.” I hear a lot of type 1 in that statement too...?
11:53- 100% true. And when you’ve got two 2s, you’ve got a Wild West Showdown. My mother-in-law and I are both 2s and trying to decide who sits last is the funniest for our family. 😆
The self-preservation seemed to describe me the most. It didn’t feel very flattering. I feel like I have a lot of “work” to do get to a healthier place. But maybe hearing this can help me understand myself better and be a bit more aware of what I’m doing.
You have cleared up so much! I am a social 2 but I (for some reason) mistyped myself as a 9 cause they can blend with the other types...but I only ever really thought I shared characteristics of an 8,7 3,2,&1 hahaha whaaaaa! Makes sense! 🤷🏻♀️👏🏼
Thank you for making all these videos. They are really helpful in enhancing my self-awareness. I have several questions on this topic. Would it be possible to have multiple subtypes or to have subtype jump between different subtypes? What would be the trigger to shift between different subtypes? For a healthy person, should we balance all the subtypes? What if we know what type we are and maybe what behaviours of the subtypes we inherit, then how can we use that knowledge to improve ourselves? I feel like I am a very blended 2 with many of the behaviours of all subtypes (depending on different stages of life/situations and who I'm with).
Good job, but definitely felt a bit shafted as a male 2. 😪( That's kinda my 8 stress point talking 😬). I enjoy your videos tho and really appreciate your content! It's just.. I know your wife is a 2.. and it's actually super cute how much you love her, but this video is not just for her and other female 2s, right?🤔
This was really fascinating for me. When I was younger, I was a very strong self-preservation two. I have moved more towards the adults two now. I don’t see myself as a sexual two at all. But number one and number two I saw lots of me in both of those. Oh, and I have talked myself out of plenty of tickets. I have only been given a ticket, one time in my life, despite having deserved many more than that. Totally saw myself in that example.
I scored high on 2 & 6 so this makes more sense now. At first I was confused as to how I scored that way, but I’m starting to understand now. I got 2, but if wings are taken into account it said I’m a 6w7. Then I took a secondary test and it said 2w3. They all sound just like me so I started to think that maybe I was really messed up to have to many different personalities, but now after watching this it’s all starting to make sense.
I think one of the best films to illustrate en.2, especially how the 2 are prideful and how 2 under stress goes to 8 is "Dogville" (2003), by Lars von Trier. I think Nicole Kidman's character Grace is the adorable 2. Actually Trier's filmography is all about 2s - "Dancer in the dark" is about how 2 goes to 4 and so on (If I am correct Bjork's character is also an adorable 2) .
Feel like I can write an essay on this... instead I would dare say it: I feel like 15% selfp. 25% Social and 60% sexual 2... hope that’s make sense... but it’s true.. saw myself in all the scenarios! The most in 3 one!💯💓🙏🌸Thank you 🙏🙏
I identified with aspects of all 3 also, but I’m still not sure which one I identify with the most. Is it better to take a test to find out my subtype or just research them and decide for myself?
I feel like I may be a sexual two in my instincts, but I’m really bad at it haha! I subconsciously attempt to get people to like me by doing what I think they want and being charming, but I somehow always get it wrong, and it’s hard for me to form relationships. I’m still trying to decide what I am though, so maybe I’m not even a two!
I think the 2s acting like 7s, that you're seeing, is that they are both positive numbers. They both avoid their negative feelings (as does 9) Also... Sp 2: Charles Boyle, snow white Sx 2: Majorie Tyrell, The assistant in VEEP So 2 is the one I personally dont know well. THANK YOU SO MUCH. I love all the research you've done. Its extremely helpful ❤
sp 2 really reminds me of bubbly girls and boys who act cute and want everything. Honestly love them but I want to be spoiled as well so I don't think I would get along with sp 2s
Finally understanding the closest people in my life with these subtype videos!!! For the longest I couldn't figure out if my friend was a 7 or 4w3 and now I see why..! She is a self-pres 2
You're so welcome! I used to be around a 2w3 self-pres... person and, at first I thought she was a 7. Yes, this particular person was often told she was annoying as well.
@@twlahue hmm....I am a 2w3 and I have hit for the self preservation once but mainly the test says sexual. No one has told me I am annoying but I am guessing that is a hard one to say to someone. I do see myself possibly fluctuating between all the subtypes here. It’s weird.
@@SoaringAboveItAll they don't dare to tell you that out of fear you gonna break into tears! Just being mean sp 2w3's are a lot of fun too thats why they look like 7s sometimes! 😊
Just found this video! I have to say that I see the similarities between the 2 and the 7 too! I thought I was a 7 for a long while, but then I recently found out that wasn't the case at all! So I can totally understand how some traits and behaviors really overlap between the two. It was enough to get me confused, but I'm glad I figured it out. Oh! Also this video was very helpful and full of great information! I can't wait to check out more videos!
I realized a long time ago that pride was my major sin. Because I overfunction and enable people to keep depending on me subconsciously. Consciously I'm hoping I can take them through a process so they can learn and move on. But really the need to be needed is based in pride. So, don't push a 2 to the edge because we know EVERY single weakness you have since we instinctively know how to help. You will get ripped to shreds if u come at us disrespectfully or keep taking us for granted. There is a price to pay for our help.
So funny if you read the comments: so many 2s are not sure if they are 2s! If you read the comments of 9 video... most of them are sure they are 9s! I'm a 9 and I always been sure I was a 9, but my mother is a sp 2w3 and it toke me 13 years to discover she is a 2 and not a 1!
Wondering what references/resources you used to come to these conclusions and interpretations? In some of your other videos you hold up and refer to the books that you used to help you. I find this extremely helpful. Thanks 👍🏻
I'm a 9w1 (don't know my subtype, yet. Watching that one next!), but I get so confused when learning about 2s because I relate to them so much. I saw parts of me in the SP2 description. But I also relate to 4s a lot!
Sadly, this is my issue with the Enneagram. I am an SP2 - and the language used to describe me ALWAYS makes me feel less than. Even someone with your knowledge/intellect can't give me a positive role model for this type - so how could anybody else (or even why). Imagine how this would play out in a team-building exercise in the office. I would be a totally different person walking out of that room after having my results aired, and the perception of me by my peers (esp the 7s and 3s), would be tarnished (I guarantee it). I've read a lot on this subject and done numerous personality tests over the years, and whilst none of them are as emotionally rich as the Enneagram (IMO), they are also not as cutting, which is the fatal floor of the Enneagram texts. I don't wish to be lied to or have things fluffed up just for my ego, but at the same time, my life is the only one I know, so I don't wish for anyone to make me feel less than. Please note, this is certainly not a criticism of you, I can see you care deeply - the training books however, do not guide teachers on how best to take my "delicate sensibilities" and modern-day existence into account - and they should. That being said, I am an INFJ-A on the MBIT scale, so could be overreacting 🙂. I sincerely wish you the very best and hope this has sparked a little curiosity rather than sadness - truly.
I'm sorry to read this... my mother is a sp 2w3 and I'm a sexial 9w1 for this reason I never critisized her for anything. With my husband I can talk about litteraly everything and I actually really want the same with her. I just found out her enneatype and feel really happy to share it with her hoping she will finally read the things I never dared to critisize her for. I finally understand why she always has to explain herself when she asks me to do something for her in a way like as if she is suffering and she wants to let me know that she really deserves what she is asking for. I also understand now why she gets overwhelmed so often when I ask her something. Probably scared to end up in a role of constant giving and she can not keep up. Therefore I often get the message that I'm asking to much. I think you need to realise that the enneagram focuses on everyones negative points not just yours and that every type can be healthy or unhealthy. My mother is my number one and after finally knowing her type I really had to take some time and thank her for all she does for me and my kids. I think that's what the enneagram is for... to help us understand eachother and work on our own difficulties. More than just judging eachother for something you have read somewhere. I would not know where I will be if I haven't known the enneagram it has helped me in so many ways 😊
Over the course of my life, I have been every one of these twos.😂 And growth has been moving towards the adult two. And I agree, I see a lot of overlap with the seven. I exhibit a lot of seven behaviors. And in fact, I have tended to be in relationships with sixes or sevens. I think the balance between the two can be good and those types might admire the qualities of or aspire to be more like one another? A two can definitely learn to be more self referencing and self-serving like a seven. Whereas the seven might be able to learn to be more of a servant like the two. In this way, each type can move away from their pitfalls and towards health. Whether this actually happens in real life, I’m not sure! 😂
Same for me! I feel like I can switch between the types? When I take the test that gives you your variant I have hit for sexual mainly and SP 1x. I feel like I can swing between which one I need to for the situation. Which now sounds totally unhealthy??
So glad for this video! I'm always disappointed at how 2's are stereotyped the same way.. bending over backwards to wash every dish and make everyone cookies. I'm thinking I might be the self preservation 2, or at least it's my secondary subtype.
I'm a 2, and none of these really sound like me :( From learning about the 3 different aspects one can be, I think that I'm the sexual type (I'm great one-on-one) but I don't expect people to like me because I'm attractive. I have very little 3. I do like to be the center of "your" world, as you put it. Family and friends are very important to me, and I love being the first person someone will call when they have a problem, but that's about it. Because I'm introverted, and a T (from Myers Briggs, where most 2s are Fs) on a daily basis, I don't see how my 2 is a motivation (I've been told that I appear more like a 5, which is kinda supposed to be the opposite of a 2 if you think of it). So I'm a very non typical 2 in a lot of ways. My best friend for years thought I was a 2, then a 5, then she finally landed on an 8 for a few years until I took the test and found out that I'm a 2 (not by a landslide or anything. Besides 3 and 6, I'm almost evenly split between the rest).
I think I have had aspects of all these twos, but as a matured turned more to a social two. I was probably a seductive two in my late teens and 20’s. I was probably a self preservation two as a child into my early teens.
You know what??? I'm just gonna say that you type 7s are so fun, entertaining, and smart at the same time!!! OMG love your content I'd already subscribed a week ago. (yes I am a type two I always say flirty stuff to seduce people here and there, haha, cause I value being loved so bad, sorry for the flirtatiousness LOL) 30:17 - also, relatable! I'm actually SX2 by the way ; or I'm a hybrid between type 2 and type 4(like you mentioned sexual two can look like sexual four, I also watch your type 4 vid and found myself relating to sexual four a lot, but I'm definitely Sexual subtype, I'm either sexual two or sexual four always going between these two types I get cause these two types are connected to each other on the enneagram I'm kinda a bit of both but learning through type 2 as of now). "I want to be perceived a certain way, so I become a certain way!" - my mantra as a SX2
Thank you so much for your kind words! It’s great to hear that you're connecting with the content and finding your own type’s traits relatable. Keep exploring your enneagram journey!
Self Preservation 2's: Perhaps "Legally Blonde" character played by Reese Witherspoon? And Mother of homeschooling family in bus in Robin Williams movie "RV"...?
Exactly what I came here to say. The content on this video is helpful, however, it definitely seems like men aren't 2s by his examples and almost all the comments.
Very good. Maybe I’m a social 2 but mistyped myself as a 4 wing 5. Social 2 sounds exactly like me. Where else would a very relational, well networked mom and human rights lawyer fit into the enneagram. Thank you very much, will be studying this.
@Erebor Edits Listen to WILD CRAZY MEANINGFUL ENNEAGRAM where Beatrice Chestnut discusses the subtypes of 2, 3 and 4. She says that Fours are supposed to be the most pathological type. She says this is not true . The Social Twos are potentially the most dangerous. Manipulative. Pulling everybody's strings. Intrusive. Meddleing in other peoples affairs when they are not invited. They are Bunny Boilers (ref Fatal Attraction)
I love your personality, and of course your videos. I am a MENTAL HEALTH WORKER, and I never even heard of this. I'm hooked. I am a power 2... 2,8,,6,7,1,3,9,5,4. What tests do you recommend me do other than TRUELY? I started off reachering Personality types and mental illness, and I wound up learning about the ennogram. I am hooked. BTW I AM AN ENFJ-A 99%EXTRAVERTED SINCE HIGH SCHOOL. I WAS A SPECIAL NEEDS NANYY, PLUS I RAISED TWO SONS, SO I ALWAYS KNEW THAT EVERYBODY HAS PERSONAL MOTIVES FOR THE CHOICES THEY MAKE, BUT KNOW I UNDERSTAND WHY. THANK YOU. BTW I AM 93%OPENESS,, 99%C, , 69% EXTRAVERTED,,53%AGREEABLE, WITH 71%N...I have had bipolar since 33. I am 55 years old
I'm starting to think I might actually be type 2 sx not 7. I always score high in both 7 and 2. But going by your in depth videos Im starting to lean more on 2 now hmmm
The subtypes are really complicated. Everyone has all 3 types. So for me, I'm sx/so. This means that my sp is blind. For the subtypes, the 2nd one is the more visible one and the dominant one is the end goal. For my type, I use social relationships (large groups for example) in order to former deeper connections to individuals. So to the naked eye I might seem like the social subtype however I am dominantly the sexual subtype