Enneagram: The High/Low Side of Type 2 

It’s wild listening to someone narrating your life.

Two’s deserve more love for what they do. I feel lucky with the Two’s in my life.

Great video. I'm a 2. I think that you missed one thing about needeness of twos, or maybe it is how I see it, feel it. I do not tell others what I need, not because of pride, but because of shame. It maybe looks the same, but it's totaly different emotion. Hm. Let's say that I need more love, or affection from someone really close to me, but I also think that person from whom I am asking it for might think that I am overeacting, or needy, or weak... Than I will be ashamed (whitdrawn) to ask for it, not proud (deffensive). So at first we are ashamed and hurt, and letter we become defensive like 8:"you made me feel ashamed, but I know that I am worthy, I have nothing to feel ashamed for, and now I am proud, and you will suffer, because I am good and you didn''t give me what I need". It is almost humiliating for us to ask for something, especialy from close people. So pride is defence from feeling ashamed. I think. I don't know does it make any sence to you. Sorry for my english.

I’m a Two, I do withdraw when I’m hurt but it’s not to see how they can do without me, it’s to protect myself from being hurt further. This keeps me from moving to an 8 and hurting other people with my mouth.

As a 2w3, I totally agree with you on the “pleasing” value. I feel like there are definitely some times when my actions come less out of genuine compassion and more about winning people over.

I’m an INFP type 2.... this video made me cry at the end. I have never truly understood why I’m like this until now.Everything just fell into place for me from this one video. Thank you so much.

As a 2… when people say, “you’re so nice!”… I respond with “until I’m not”

I’m an INFJ 2 and even though I feel miserable and frustrated when people don’t give compliments or appreciation. The moment they tell me I am not doing enough or if they doubt the efforts I did for them, even it seems so unreasonable, I would be up all night overthinking about how bad of experience I gave them and even feel bad for treating them not enough even though they were just manipulating me

Not all 2s are Susie Homemakers. I think this is why folks who live in a traditional feminine gender role are mistyped as 2 and why those 2s who are living outside of that particular role don't see it. Basically every example you gave was about homemaking-based acts of service. My dear friend is a 2 and she doesn't know how to cook or clean; she buys people things, makes you feel like the focus of the entire party, uses her connections to get you connected, and her knowledge to do research for you. She's extremely generous in every way she can think of, but I'll die of shock the day she offers to make me a sandwich. LOL

That moment when you realize the person you had a conflict with is not crazy…she’s just a 2 you failed to appreciate…..

As a 2, my heart just filled up as I just finished watching this video. I knew I saw Christ in you!! When you said, “as a Christian pastor” I said I KNEW IT! So I say that to say thank you so much for taking the enneagram seriously. I love the Lord and He has used this tool to reveal so much sin, but also so many good things about how He created me. It’s so hard for me to communicate. It’s so hard for me to speak up and say I have needs. I’ve said so many how much I wish I just didn’t need anything so I wouldn’t burden anyone else. I’m learning so much through this tool. Your video was SO helpful, brother!!!

I’m an INFJ, 2, and ordained clergywoman. This video was very helpful. Thank you.

little nitpicks set me off, i try and do so much and help, but you want to nitpick one thing I did wrong.

Thank you for this video Dr Tom. I'm a type 2 therapist myself, and I've recently started making content on Type 2s as well.

I don’t necessarily WANT to help everyone, but it’s like a compulsion for me. I can’t help myself when I see that someone needs help, I have to at least offer or I feel like a bad person. And wow, so true about when we’re crossed. I actually give my mom the silent treatment when she’s rude to me because I know it drives her crazy. I’ve gotten a lot better at talking through it but the going dark thing is on point. My older brother said some awful things to me a few years ago, and I didn’t talk to him for 8 months and left the room when he entered, which is not easy since we still lived together

Literally bingewatching all of your videos because everything you say is insightful. Thank you!

As a 2, this resonated with me so much! It's hard finding a balance between the high and low of the 2. I want be there for people, I want to help, I want to serve, I want to be a great wife, but all awhile I've been putting my own needs to the side. As I am working on being a healthier 2, I still sometimes feel guilty of being selfish, when I do things like voice my needs or say no to someone who needs me....but I am working on it. I want to be a 2, I love being a 2, but being a healthy 2 is what I am working toward. I have became that unhealthy 2 at times and I didn't like it....nor did anyone around me lol Thank you for this!!

I am an INFJ type 2, it always feels amazing to be understood and not like an alien species.

As a Male 2w3 and ESFJ, this highly resonated with me very much. I work with children with special needs and care for my elderly parents. So you can just imagine what my life is like. I always put myself last, but long to be valued and to be appreciated. I'm the glue to many people's relationships, the person invited to every event and remembered when I'm not at an event. I've completely embraced my type. Great video! 🤗🤗🤗

I’m 2w3, I’m glad I found your videos

Learning my personality type was the most vital part of becoming a healthier person. Thank you for these videos because they have SERIOUSLY helped me to be more aware.

I don’t know that I’ve ever heard a more accurate description of myself. This was scary true! I’m trying to be more self aware about those “dark” mental places. 💛

Thank you Doc. Tom, I am confirmed that I am type 2 both positive and negative side. I doubted between 2,6 and 9, but your video made me understand better🙏🥳

For a days of listening and studying... am I 2 or 4... thank you- you answer!!! Awesome!!! 💯💓🌺🤗 ps. Yes we do INFJ or ENFJ’door slam’ for sure😡

Yes!!! I love this! So much ! I cant even put into words how much this changed my whole entire life just watching this . Would love to be able to talk with you privately!

As a type 2, this video was incredibly articulate of my journey. Two items stood out as not really applying as much - totally fine being alone or content with being only with self, and manipulation to the degree described. Everything else was spot on. For those two exceptions, I might describe them as existing in some form, so would suggest spectrum to measure and those two, for me, sit in a ‘lesser spectrum’ ... but definitely aware there are times they may pop up. One thing I noted was how greatly I value communication and value being heard or acknowledged. I have no issue sharing how I feel or what I need. So I thought it was interesting thinking that it may be ‘abnormal’ for a 2, to regularly be transparent and vocal on feelings, needs and desires.

Love the nice broken record technique. Thanks a lot!

WOW! This hit home! THANK YOU!

I am a 2 and Im not in a good place and hearing all of this is crazy because it feels like you are describing me. Thx for the awesome content.

All the things the 2s say are probably coming from personal experiences 😅😂 Thank you for this! From a 2w1

This pegs me. Type 2w1. Thought I was a Type 1. Thank you for this great description.

Can’t thank you enough for this amazing explanation of this type. As a two I’m learning A LOT! Please make podcasts as well. Haven’t found a better online enneagram content

New subscriber. I am definitely a 2. I’m still learning but excited to learn more about how to be on the healthier side of 2. Lack of boundaries and being manipulative are huge issues for me.

I have never met a person that knew me this well

This video was incredible! Ads a 2 W1 I am so grateful you made it, You were spot on! Thank you for helping me to understand myself and to grow. -Sarah

I am definitely a type 2 and this was very helpful. Thank You!

Good stuff...So much of the work God has been doing in my life, all my life really, has been to help me come to the place of being a healthy two. You have helped me to put that into perspective. As I listen to the other things about the two, I could not fully relate, but hearing the high side of the two, has both brought that into focus. One of the first lessons I recall God teaching me was to love freely, expecting nothing in return, if I were, to sum up, all the lessons God has been teaching me my entire Christian journey in one thought it would be in this. To love freely, from the heart, not for what I can get, but rather because it's the hallmark of the life God has called me too...This life lesson, God has called me back to over and over and over again to the point where I am compelled to love because he loves me. It's the lesson God has made sure I never missed how passionately he loves us. As Paul says in Eph.3 How deep, how wide, high,...his love for us is... While I can relate to the hut stories, both visiting the other ones and the Holy Spirit's eviction notice from those other huts. I also really connected with the concept of being able to sit alone in my loneliness and being okay. As much as I would love during those times to be relational, it's enough to be connected to God through Christ and reach out to others with his love expecting nothing in return. Thank you! This resonated deeply with me and painted for me a greater picture of both healing, coming to Christ early enough in life to be rescued from the pitfalls of my DNA, and amazing grace God has poured out in my life.

As someone who pursues technical competence, having a 2 offer help can be like having a 2 year old offer help. Just don't be surprised when someone explains that the 2 was just being humored and not of any help at all.

This is mildly disturbing how accurate he is…

This was amazing, thank you

I am an infj /2 - and this is so on point . I wish more understood.

This is really helpful for me in my situation. Thank u for making this.

2w3 here....yes to everything here haha

I’m a 2. This all resonates with me!!!

Thank you Dr. LaHue for your insight and taking the time to make this video. It was extremely helpful to hear from your perspective as an individual who is not only thoroughly educated on these topics but who has real life experience with existing alongside a 2. It helps to hear how our feelings and actions (as 2’s) come off to the people in our lives, and how us communicating our needs or feelings can potentially help avoid a conflict before there is one. This video felt like striking gold and made me cry while you explained expectations, it really resonated with me. Thank you again. 💖

Thank you for the insight for a new knowing I’m a 2

I can’t thank you enough! It was really hard and challenging to except a lot of the truth . There’s so much more to learn . I appreciate it 🙏looking for more content.

I’m a 2 and this video has been very informative. Thanks Tom!

Such a great synopsis! look forward to reading the others.

Great video! Thank you for sharing your knowledge, it's appreciated. I'm a 2w3.

Advocating for the self.

I’m not a 2, but one of my closest friends is and I think I’m starting to see the cracks. I’m sorry to say this but it’s extremely frustrating to get to a 2 in their unhealthy state. It’s like I have to kneel down and beg for forgiveness and I would still be judged for the rest of my life for the one thing I failed to read about her. I’m a 9 and this kills me. I don’t think anyone deserves this kind of going dark treatment when you’ve painted such a rosy picture about yourself only to get back at others and show your true colours.

I think 2s are typically Fe heroes or at least Fe second but omg for anyone into mbti cognitive functions this is all , lessons for Fe heroes to learn to use Fe responsibly. And one of them is exactly what was said about leaning into 4 good traits , balance ur extroverted feeling (Fe) with the opposite attitude aka introverted feeling (Fi)! Very cool 🤓🧐

NAILED it! Thank you so much!!!

This was really so helpful. Thank you.

I’m watching your all videos of type 2 and feels like you talking to me personally…. I keep watching them over and over again and I think first time in my life I started to understand myself thanks to your videos. It is scary and overwhelming yet it is so true. One question, why many times when I listen to other videos of your about different types I feel like I relate to them?

❤ 😮 Why aren't we being met halfway? Repressing is not creating what we enjoy. We can be beautiful. Attracting what we enjoy. I even made a video about reconnecting to our intention, as a Enneagram 2! So awesome thanks for THIS video inspiration. ☆ kind regards, A sweet 2

This is SOOOO me. I am grateful that I am a 2 within my 4 at the long moment. Boundaries are GREAT for all of us!! I am worthy of peace. Curious about the wing. Please tell us how to figure that part of the data! Thank you.

Thank you so much! You are a good teacher!

I think everyone need to be reminded, no one is a particular number or personality. Everyone is a mix, while this is very interesting people need to remember it's not being put in a box and these tests don't mean you are exactly that. But I definitely see how parts of me are a 2

What a great enneagrammteacher. 😃. I am a SEVEN.

I found this super helpful, thank you!

Going to refer back to this…forever

I am a 4w5 that def does the 2 dark things when stressed out. hahaha I get snippy and expect people to know what I need. I also do the pleaser things when someone is upset with me. The opposite stress.

For me the hardest thing is figuring out how to communicate my needs without hinting or trying to manipulate. If I realize I'm trying to guilt trip someone, I feel horrible! But then I feel like I can't express my needs at all. How can I express what I want in a more healthy way?

Thank you so much for this video!

The RESCUING PARAMEDIC .... that’s me .... however I’m conscious of how / when this metaphor shows up in my life

3 here. Would not survive with my 2 best friend.

Giving out of emptiness...wow!

Spot on

How do you get people to stop taking advantage of you? Being assertive doesn't work.

The shame and embarrassment is so real.

Thank you very much. WOW ! this have me pegged. Now what to do with this info?

My god if this isn’t everything about me I could ever need to share with anyone but won’t because of the 2w3 that I am 😂. Everything’s fine here, let me fix my hair, okay I’m worthy now!

15:36 Well yeah its Not a Part of personality of many ppl. But If someone cares about a two she/He would learn to Predigt or read ur mind (or Just try ). Its Not in my personality to say what i need but i have to learn to do IT so i See it as fair If other ppl who really Care about two try speak their language.

I'm a 2. I discovered this at 30.

Oh please 😂🙄 so for those of us who won’t have to sleep on the couch if we say it 👀 : 2s, it’s no one’s responsibility to step in and make up for any places you people please past your own boundaries , don’t communicate your own boundaries , or either are unaware or purposely abandoning ur part of a two way relationship to prioritize people pleasing which IS NOT SELFLESS AND KIND. people pleasing behaviour is about YOU the pleaser and what you want, other people benefitting or being pleased doesn’t change that fact . it’s prioritizing ur fears and ur unhealed baggage , over mature and healed responsibility that is yours within a two way relationship. It’s not goals or a sign of love, bec people enter into ur codependency traps 😂 no one is treating you badly , because they don’t want to enter them, be manipulated or emotionally held hostage into them. You should not be doing anything “pleasing “ and so called “helpful” if you would be unhappy if you do not receive some sort of return on the investment. That isn’t kind or giving , it’s a manipulation trap lol. And if you are not making it clear in a clear emotionally honest and explicit way what you want need / don’t want and don’t need and willing to learn how to operate in a way that takes accountability for ur stuff within bonds , you can’t say people owe you responding to emotionally manipulative coercive traps and call a lack of that being not loved well by people you love so well. NOOOO that’s not what that means. . No one should be intuiting ur needs to save you from having to grow tf up in the ways you need to (we all have ways we need to) and take the reins of accountability for yourself and what you experiences to a greater degree , ur part in an adult relationship. No one is breaching ur boundaries if you haven’t established them. No one is unfairly taking from you because you do things to appease ur own shame wounds without boundaries and then later resent or regret how much you do. That is quite literally urs to recognize and not sign up for or be willing to do even if asked if it breaches ur boundaries. Having no boundaries is not loving. I’m gonna say that again HAVING POOR/NO BOUNDARIES IS NOT LOVE. in fact it’s harmful to healthy loving bonds. You are the one injecting unhealthy into bonds you care about if ur unwilling to learn how to have healthy boundaries with those people. You. It’s that simple. Stop making a home and getting a citizenship in the victim corner of the KARPMAN DRAMA TRIANGLE (honestly read about it ) and then acting like you somehow earned avoiding ur obstacles to self healing /geowth by putting people pleasing money in the people pleasing bank. Nooooo 😂 ok sorry don’t hate me. I really intend this to be helpful lol please don’t murder me 😂 I just feel SOME PEOPLE WHO HAVE TWO WIVES *cough can be incredibly light footed and not giving u the full feedback that would actually potentially help😂 for understandable reasons sure but. NO 2s Thst isn’t an indication that poor you bec you just love too hard and no one is capable of loving you back well enough what a hard life as a 2 👎🏽 incorrect. That’s a convenient narrative around the reality that enables you to not face ur part in having healthier love and bonds existing bw you and the people you love. If you truly want that , I’m hoping this won’t be received as hard but hey sometimes hard is the way 😂 (always? ). - random 8w7 lady ✌🏽

What is the best way to connect with a 2? Do they like if someone asks them, 'if they need anything, help around the house ect'? For example. So basically what I'm saying is, not only do they like to be acknowledged for the love they give but do they like to receive love and support? Im a nine and I struggle excepting support, but working on it.

You are describing a very unhealthy 2. I know 2’s that operate on a higher level of love

❤❤❤ thank you for making this video..this is so me. i download almost all your video as references. And I am really want to know about Wing...coz i can't find any video about that... And can't find any information either for that. Thank you Doctor

of course they understand. but they dont care. and thats why we get angry and hurt 😔

good advices 😊

Nailed it!!!

I did the test I'm a 2 I asked my friend if they thought about it they said yup your definitely a two

Good stuff.

May I use some of the audio from this video in my video examining the enneagram type of a fictional character?

Thanks

Very helpful. Add a textbook narcissist beside a 2 and it gets so confusing. I lost a lot of people over not sharing then leaping into bossy or cutting off. How could they NOT see that were asking for too much? A really wonderful video!

My roommate is a two and there are times when it feels like she is being really mean but claims it is love. How do I respond to this? I'm a 9

The thing I don't understand is how the manipulation what actions ? . I were watching your videos and I see many of my behavior but manipulate I can't. Can you help me with examples of that please 😢

So true

no offense but i had a very bad experience with type 2s they can be really manipulative as hell 😓 They will like do everything for you even if its not needed or asked and start playing victim if it gets rejected moreoften times they will guilt trip/gaslight the person they are trying to "help" which is exhausting as hell 🙁 when we reject your help its not that we dont value you its just that other ppl have diffrent preferences and its a normal thing its very draining and exhausting i swear

What book do you refer to in your 2 videos?

Dad?

Can someone please help me figure out if I am a enneagram 2. When listening to all of the 2s core desires and fears and everything I relate a lot to the feeling of wanting to be needed and doing things and hoping in return people will appreciate or do something for me back. When it comes to that I think I am a two but I also feel like I don’t overextended myself to help people. Of course if someone ask for help I’ll do it but I feel like I am not a regally really helpful person. It might be becuase I am only in high school but idk. I also feel like I get into conflicts sometimes. I read somewhere that 2s never say no but I feel like with my family I almost always don’t want to do what they ask like empty the dishwasher or clean my room. I read a few books on all the different types and I don’t really feel like I match any of the other core desires and fears but idk. Anything would help. Also maybe I am a 2w3.

Hi Tom LaHue! I question - How do you know the dffirents from a two and a social seven? Because when i do diffrent test - my result say that i am a two or a seven.

Do you think that 8's often see themselves as twos? 8's go to two in health, and I think often all they see is their big heart; they don't see the Challenger part as much.

I mean, kinda seems like you’re projecting in this

Can someone explain a bit more on 2 Male? Everywhere I look, it feels like 2s are extremely feminine. How does it look like when a man is a 2s and how to strive as a 2 male

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