My biggest battle as an 8 is learning when *not* to speak. However, I always feel like it comes at a cost. It’s hard to think of yourself as too much. There’s only a few people with whom I feel I can be truly myself - and they love me being myself.
Sometimes people do mistake my honesty as being argumentative, and trying to start a fight (be it verbal or physical). I realize now people really can't handle the truth until it comes to them, and some of them are purposefully ignorant of it because lies are far more comfortable to hear.
I feel like a lot of times when people are describing Type 8, they seem to talk about the unhealthier side of 8. I'm a Type 8, wing 9, and I've grown a lot over the years, and I've become much more self aware. I don't really struggle with admitting that I'm afraid of something, or I'm feeling lonely, or that I love someone or care for them. Now, I will say that after someone I love continues to hurt me or disrespects me, I will shut them out. They go to the outside of the fort. But by and large, I just don't struggle with being in touch with my emotions anymore. I've learned to be more patient with people and processes. Yes, that was a hard one, and I'm growing in my relationships. I just wish we could see more Type 8 content that is coming from a healthier perspective. 🤷♀️🤓
Most 8's are not healthy because they won't ask for help!!! And probably won't accept it!!! I'm a hardcore 8!!! I have literally fired my boss and coworkers!!! I literally intimidate car sales men and the finance guy!!!
Right ?! lol what’s up with that. I feel like that’s a common thing I’m seeing in various sources. Like presenting as if majority of 8s in reality are like this weird super immature unhealthy version that’s like borderline evil or something and does not care about humanity or humans at all 😂 TF like most of us have ya know. Bonds 😂 we’re not marvel villains living in some bunker and only come out to smash things, and tell people their stupid. bec we once got hurt Ijs 😂😂 I also never get the whole revenge bent. I think 8s think everyone (self included) needs to take responsibility and accountability for our shit and out impact on things and people. I don’t think we give a crap about revenge ?? I really have never met an 8 who would even bother 😂 but I guess they must be out there if it’s always mentioned idk 😂? Justice sure accountability absolutely revenge ? Nah I see that more in like … 4s lol honestly. With the whole envy thing I think it goes hand in hand. 1s I think can almost like to punish or sometning but I think to them it’s more like a deserved punishment than revenge per se ? I’m not sure.
Eights don’t necessarily crave power, they just hate incompetence more. They also hate bullies and can spot them a mile away! They are also ready to bully the bully into submission. I have learned to shut up and walk away if I’m not willing to stand up and fight. Im fine being emotionally vulnerable, but would die before asking for physical or financial help for myself. Mind blown that I can tell you specific stories from my childhood like he mentioned in the beginning of the video. FYI: the 8 wouldn’t be upset about someone not coming home. We live and let live…unless you are hurting someone we love.
Also. I’m an 8 and don’t swear. 🤷♀️ but always got into trouble as a kid for talking back to parents and teachers. 🤣 It was usually true, though. Still learning how to speak the truth…in love.
The amount of times I got fired or quit on the spot for standing up to power hungry boss that abuse others is kinda stupid. I didn't really care much about those jobs, but it really ticked me off more than anything. Some of them doubled down to control me, others got the memo to back off from me, yet continue to belittle others. I can't help but to blow up on people like this. I know many others who navigate with the "just ignore them" thing or passive-aggressive chess games, I just can't operate like that for whatever reason.
I'm a trial lawyer, and being an 8 in a courtroom getting to shout Objection and go off on what the other attorney is doing wrong is...very, very satisfying. Also, don't come for us with that "you guys like to protect the vulnerable" we don't need people knowing that!
She probably didn’t mean this for 8s but it’s been my running life quote… “When it’s all said and done, I don’t care to be remembered as a power house… I hope to be remembered as a safe house. “-Tori Peterson
Even if an 8 doesn't know of the enneagram, they can always spot the alpha. Most likely they will only follow that alpha if a) they completely concede or b) want to become the alpha themselves
The comment about "I gotta get big" (or bigger) really resonates with me. I gained lots of weight as a kid, although living in poverty subsisting primarily on starches didn't really help. I yo-yoed my way thru adulthood and realized not too many years ago that I never got below 200 lbs. I know that, at 70 yo, I don't feel safe at a smaller size.
I’m an 8. There was an instance when a classmate was dilly-dallying and not getting to the point. I said “CAN YOU JUST GET TO THE POINT?!” I felt like a real a-hole for that. I don’t think before I act sometimes. I’ve taken over situations where leadership was inept. I’ve made scenes when I didn’t like something…Even as a kid. I took up swearing at 12 and my mom didn’t stop me. I was a difficult kid and I’m somewhat difficult now…Except O don’t THINK I’m that difficult. But underneath that 8 I still have my core of softness, and how if the world wouldn’t be so hard I wouldn’t have to be so hard myself…
I really love this video- my husband is a type 8, and I really enjoyed these insights....all your checklist videos have been amazing!!! In fact...I have watched every single one....for every single type...even the types I have no close connections to in my life....just because, it's so nice to learn about everybody else, since I know I have to wait for my turn anyway....so I have really enjoyed this entire series so far...now I'm just waiting for mine....yep...you're really messing with us type 9s- and my 8 wing has to speak up and point out it's our turn, and it's been 13 days and I'm dyyyyyinng. That being said- thank you so much for everything you bring to all of us- I do REALLY love this series and cannot wait for my checklist :-).
I am a 4 married to an 8. I just wanted to clap for how much you just validated my experience and growth with my husband for the last decade 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Now I have to figure out how to get this one in his playlist 🤣
I just discovered I am an 8 which I didn't agree with at first. But hearing about this from you made it click more. I'm not confrontational but if someone starts something I will finish it. My motto is "haters are my motivators" I literally achieve things out of spite. I earned my doctorate out of spite because I wasn't receiving the care I thought was appropriate. I then wrote my dissertation out of spite bc of how angry I was about perinatal treatment after I gave birth to my son. So my anger isn't immediate, it burns over years. So idk just became a doctor this week not sure if this is where my villain arc begins. I love writing letters for patients to advocate for them in their workplace or immigration. I LOVE helping others and righting wrongs.
Been waiting on this. I'm 8 more of wing 9, and had a long phase where I was withdrawn like a 5 as in the unhealthy 8 so I do not exactly relate to the reactions you bring up as examples, but I definitely relate to them in my heart. Also, I am definitely reminded of my childhood where I had the stereotypical 8 side (Which was an unsolvable mystery to my mum who is 5 wing 6). Watching this and your other videos give me more confidence as a person and more power and energy (haha) which I appreciate a lot - many of those who are very close to me has said I looked like a 1 or a 4 or 5, I want me to be myself and want to be perceived as an 8, a mature and healthy one of course. Thank you and bless you Tom
Yep ! My mother was a 5w6 too... she can be occasionally hedonistic. When I'm stressed I do tend to dissociate into the whole withdrawn 5 mode.. I switch wings as and when but I'm more comfortable with wing 7. Always was a little unsure of whether I was a type 3 or 8 though.. as I do take care of my style, my reputation, but I'm not a very go-getter as stereotypical 3s... I don't seek achievement just for the sake of being flattered by others.. that may be a side goal but not the main objective so concludes 8. Bless you
I kind of don't trust people who don't curse. It's part of the Type 8 code. Lastly, regarding us (Type 8's) and the truth; I read somewhere that a fundamental truth we miss is that the truth is already known, so it doesn't need to be said. Those words struck a cord with me and put some things about my life into perspective
After learning abt enneagram, i try to slow down to react on smtg esp when I'm mad. Bcs i know I lose alot of friendship or relationship bcs of my "react bfr thinking" way of dealing with things. Every 8 should learn that, it feels more powerful than turning into "hulk" when you get angry. Your video really helps alot too! Always on point about my whole life trauma and experience :)
This was one of your best videos yet. Hit the nail on the head. You are hilarious, and I laughed out loud the entire way through. I'm an 8 and this really helped me today. Thank you!
I'll halfway through the video...so spot on! I remember so many instances in my life that were the "screw you" moments; I'm 49, and the first one I remember was at the age of about 5! Also, Hulk was my favorite as a kid... I read the comics and watched the show. I loved how he never hurt children or animals, and felt that I related to him and that he was greatly misunderstood. Now, I just watched the part where Tom discussed going to 5 before your anger takes over...let's just say this was a huge part of my childhood. My father is a 5 all the way, and we had so many conversations where he encouraged me to think and talk about my feelings and actions. He was the alpha parent as well, and I admired and trusted him. I believe this has helped me so much in life to not come across as the proverbial "angry 8"...not to say that I don't battle my hulk side on a regular basis and even revel in it when I'm protecting myself, my children or the elderly with whom I work. That 5 father voice has definitely helped condition me to evaluate my anger before and/or after to understand WHY I feel it, which in turn helps me calm down faster. So, I agree that using the 5 side of oneself to investigate your feelings can help you be calmer in situations and can help you admit to wrongdoing after the blow-up has resided.
Eerily, correct with the exception of.. I never ever ever touch anyone else’s things. Ever. To need other peoples things is a sign of weakness for one. Two it gives them the upper hand because now you owe them OR they now have the right or think they do to touch MY things. And three I’m only around those I care for and I’d never want to deplete their resources I only add to them. Never take away. Other than that it’s embarrassing how spot on you are about me at least. 😊
I needed to be strong / around age 8 I witnessed an injustice that broke my heart so I decided that all people are either weak or strong and the choice was up to them- but most were weak, but I would NOT be weak.
I remember being super happy, strong and confident all the time until the sexual abuse started and it only got worse from there when I told my mom and she did nothing but throw me at my abuser and the verbal and physical abuse escalated from the rest of my family, so that part where you ask about the horses are loose, now can you coral them is quite fitting. I became ruled by my anger for decades. They are still horrible, abusive bullies and liars and I am back to being happy, in touch with my feelings and liking myself again. 8w9
“Well if they don’t care then I’ll just move my crap over into their yard. They didn’t say nothin’ so that’s on them” I laughed out loud!! 😂😂😂 I’m an 8 and was thinking ya they should learn to speak up bc if they let me walk all over them someone else will come do it worse. Really in my mind this kind of stuff is me helping them put up their boundaries 😅
At 40:00 it's not two different eights, it's the same eight in two different situations. If you have a group of say sixes holding hands and doing something groupish not moving the meeting or whatever forward you'll probably get that reaction after a while. Too much incompetence could trigger it as well.
I'm absolutely an 8. And I'm definitely too much- and though I'm 4'11", I've always been referred to as having a big presence. The thing is, it takes quite a bit to get me angry. I'm direct. I'm matter of fact. I'm no nonsense. I'm not angry, yet people are intimidated by me, though I'm not intimidated by anyone. I have no awareness of not being able to "make my way". Others are offended by this, and the truth is that I really am not concerned about that. I'm grateful for my job and my boss, who values me tremendously for my "eightness". My significant other is also an 8 and we are two peas in a pod. I'm happy being who I am. Also, I'm a defender of the weak. I am an advocate of justice toward those who hide behind a facade and have a hidden agenda.
Getting angry and blaming people is my go to emotion every time. And it's not good because I loose people. I'll run out of people. I struggle recognizing other negative emotions. It takes even months to realize I'm sad or something.
The 8s of minute 40 probably are self-preservation 8s. That's my case: I listen, I take notes, and at the end... when I am asked "what do you think? do you agree?" The answer is usually this and this and this... or an explosive NO!! ;-)
19 year old male 8w9, or though in another website I came up as 8w7. Gone through a lot of shit in my short life, always struggled with anger and controlling it, whenever my anger came out I’d turn into a demon, throwing shit punching walls, slamming doors etc. it’s almost as if all the anger I accumulated comes out, except it doesn’t, it’s like 5% of the total came out. Today I had a dream, and I recognized in my dream that my brain is telling me “you have a lot of pent up anger inside you” Also struggle with a dad that doesn’t comprehend me, and a bitch step mom. What should I do with all this anger? It needs to come out in a healthy way before it destroys me.
Damn I could have wrote this, but I'm few years older. It helped to distance myself from these folks who seek to diminish and control you, but I know it is very difficult these days to get out on your own. It got to a point where I just had to do it even if it didn't even make financial sense, because being in that house was unbearable. Being fully independent as an 8 is a dream come true, even if it always sucks trying to keep up with all the bills.
8’s were made to take action. If they were hesitant to make decisions they wouldnt be 8. You make it sound like the 8’s ability to make fast decisions indicate that they’re reckless or bad decisions. There’s no evidence for that. How do you know 8’s need to deliberate with a team to figure out the best course of action? Anyone heard the phrase “trust your instincts”? That’s the 8. The 8 is instinctual.
I'm 8 and never have heard such a kind of speech in front of me, its nice to listen to the speakers. It makes me smile to look at your gestures...you're absolutly rigth and it's easier to take it in englisch than in laborious german. I often felt like a Rottweiler, searching for someone who knows my kind of language, who is not afraid of my typical growling. The problem is to find another Rottweiler without endless time of wrestling....As a female they called me"John Wayne" and yes, a lot of time i was fine with my inner lonelyness...until I've got my first and last child with 43, extrem prematur birth - it forced me to hug my fears and to say good bye to controll mechanism...she is twenty now and I'm full of scars and also a bit tired ,but this prozess got me more human,than I was before. Still I'm the best friend of my strength, but I think that a special kind of cruelness is gone.
My partner is muscular and manly but his childlike wonder and innocence is the SEXIEST thing about him! He believes the best of people and can be very vulnerable and naive. It is my favourite thing about him and the thing that drives me nuts. I am a pit bull and will guard his heart and my children's heart with all that I have. Try to mess with my family and the sweet kind woman that I am will be asked to sit down for a moment and another woman will stand up to protect my beautiful and gorgeous family. I was cheated on and the woman was a woman I knew, liked and my kids knew and liked. We golfed together, drank wine together, went to parties together and when I found I was being lied to and played with and my kids were being very manipulated. THAT’S when my 8 came out. In all this, love is supreme. Honestly, hate is beneath me. To hate is to lower myself. Smile, node and go love my kids and present man. THAT makes me feel powerful! Do I do this perfect, no! But it’s my journey. I’ve been doing this for six years. So be kind and patient with yourself. Thanks for the video!
Your videos are quite good and accurate. But lack some humanity and compassion. These "numbers" you're describing are not rats in a lab but real human beings who may have been traumatized at an early age. Your description of that "one moment" that can force a child to become an "eight" was quite callous and condescending - @7:58. Not everybody experienced such an amazing childhood that the worse thing that happened to them was having a bigger kid take away their pail and shovel so they "needed to get big." Some "eights" may have been physically attacked in the boys bathroom that left a deep scar in addition to a nasty divorce that left him fatherless. Some "eights" may have been forced to create a tough shell because living in the city as a latch-key kid was hard. So the next time you choose to imagine and giggle to yourself as to why someone gravitated towards a particular personality type, it might do you some good to consider that some people may needed to adopt this as a defense mechanism essential to surviving childhood. Not everybody gets to choose who they want to be - sometimes it's the worlld that forces itself on you.
@@victoriareeb8740 sure did. but that doesn't justify making light of why a person needed to adopt the characteristics of an eight... especially if you're pretending to be some kind of "expert" life coach. No one chooses to become an eight because it looked sexy in an action movie. The brain forms radical neurological connections as a result of early trauma beyond that person's control. They become a hinderance/ cross to bear for a lifetime. The idea that a person has to resort to "I need to get big, fast" might be hysterical for Tom @8:20 -- but it's insensitive. That would be like me making bald jokes because I still have a full head of hair. Show to couth. Edit the video or issue an apology.
He’s a 7. It’s the way he talks. He’s afraid of vulnerability in a different kind of way than an 8. 7s fear of vulnerability makes them not think of the worst. They compulsively keep it light hearted. Don’t take it personal.
Hey Tom, Just can't get my head around why enneagram (which I love) doesn't just use what God gave us and that our life path which iam sure you know comes from adding all digits of birthdate to a single digit Also the day we born is huge Only reason I can think of is to make it more acceptable to businesses Hope you can help me on this one My day is 24th so a 6,,, questions everything and more ha ha ha Life path 8,,, definitely resonate
