How Does the Unfaithful Spouse View the Betrayed Spouse Who Chooses to Stay in the Marriage? 

I don't believe this is true for most unfaithful. They are just glad they got away with it, and will be more cautious when cheating next time.

The unfaithful spouse showed a lack of respect by cheating. And once the betrayed decides to stay and work on the marriage, the unfaithful will show even less respect. My now ex-husband became an absolute monster as soon as I decided to forgive him. He actually went back to his affair partner and maintained a relationship with both of us until I discovered it again and decided to leave him permanently. It hurts but it was the best decision for my mental health. Staying is not a sign of strength.

The betrayer doesn't deserve to have peace again. Do you know that there is no worse pain than being betrayed by the person you trusted??

I stayed. I did the work. I fought really hard. And I won, for a moment. Then he did it again.

She is in awe of you because you have taken accountability for what you did... Most cheaters just want to sweep it under the rug. You are the exception.

Oh man…this is sad and just shows why cheating is not worth it. It can never be the same. How exhausting for the cheater and the victim.

"Will I find in my spouse what I found in my affair partner?" is this really what my husband is thinking? SO I was truly NOT ENOUGH FOR HIM. 10 months Post D-day and I am sort of disgusted with these thoughts... when it comes to questions of 'Will I will get over this" of course I can if my husband is sincere, but if he is trying to look for things in me he found in his AP then he is at a loss. I was not her and will never be. I am only ME! Yeah this isn't sitting well with me.

In both of my experiences the disrespect got even worse and I was slowly treated worse and worse until there was no respect, no loyalty and a lot of cruelty and indifference to my feelings and worth.

Ouch. Can the unfaithful get over it?? They did it. Can he find in me, the betrayed, what he found in his affair partner?!? If this is what he's really thinking, I'm not sure I want to forgive anymore. Just wow

Well, you can be sure about one thing- there's going to be even more disrespect for "choosing to stay"

NEVER EVER AGAIN!! I use to think ‘the enemy’ was attacking my marriage until I realized he was the enemy. Prayed, forgave, and loved unconditionally only to finally come to the conclusión that men don’t want to be forgiven. They made a decision and they executed and were fully prepared for the consequences so why in the world would we ‘forgive’ that?? 🤦‍♀️ Still trying to forgive myself to ever allowing this to happen. Smh.

I feel you missed the mark on this one because I didn’t hear feelings of remorse, or possible fear of losing the betrayed, I didn’t hear respect or gratitude for the betrayed decision to stay. This just did not sit well with me for some reason🙏🏻

I tried to forgive my wife for the sake of our son but after 15 years she is still as cold as ice & now that our son is grown I am leaving her. Looking back I wished I left the moment I found out of her betrayal.

One more thing...as an unfaithful there's no getting over what I've done the damage to my spouse. The hardest parr is knowing the emoitiinal affair wasn't worth this devastation and i knew it wouldn't be. No one evee views these videos prior to engaging in a relationship outside of a marriage, but all married couples should

While I haven’t engaged in adultery I can speak on this. I can do so from the perspective of having numerous opportunities to be the other guy. Even at my current workplace, there’s at least 7 married women who’ve made passes at me & if I wanted to, could engage them. From a baseline carnal standpoint, the temptations are there BUT because of my rooting in being taught about Jesus it’s stopped me from doing so. Also, I’m an empathic person. I understood that I would feel terrible about contributing to the destruction of ones marriage and family unit and even more so the destruction of my soul. It’s not worth it. That’s not to say I’m holier than thou but it’s all a choice. Part of why I’m so against it is because most of the men in my family are/were adulterers. I knew something was off about that and I saw how it affected the family and others. Affairs never end well folks. The above is not a bragging thing as much as it is a testament about how God can work. Here it is that I have opportunities to engage in adultery & fulfill lustful pleasures but I’m choosing, for the sake of Jesus and not myself, to say no and carry onward. I’ve had some of these married women actually get upset with me behind that. Imagine what it would’ve been like if I would’ve said yes and then eventually cut them off? It would’ve been worse. To engage would open me up to susceptibility due to delving into the enemy’s realm at that point. At that point I wouldn’t be a victim but a survivor of my bad choices and judgements. We can’t play with fire and act shocked when we get burned. That’s what it boils down to. For those who are the unfaithful, let my story be proof to you that it’s possible to say no despite the temptation. For those of you engaging in that currently, I pray for you and ask sincerely that you please stop and return to your spouse. The carnal temptation is not worth it. Leave it alone and go back on the right track. That’s what God wants for you. He doesn’t want you to be a cautionary tale. He wants you to be a testament for His glory! God bless and peace.

I wish this is the case in every unfaithful person. What I experience thus far is endless selfishness and carelessness of the betrayed's true needs.

My husband got a friend of mine pregnant. He begged me to stay but I couldn’t imagine a life constantly worrying about him cheating with her. Also there would be a walking talking reminder of his affair. She would also always have reason to see him. He and I had no children together we were blending a family. I left moved 1500 miles away and for months he would call and ask me to come home. I couldn’t so he married this woman and she has made his life miserable. It’s been years and I’m still hurt and angry. We had a good relationship and enjoyed our life together until he betrayed me. I miss him, I miss our life and I know she intentionally did this. I have not been able to trust again I wish I could forget those years. He was a great father to my children he instilled good values in them and always showed how important they were to him. So they were also hurt. I misjudged his character and my friend’s character I don’t see how they can respect and trust each other. I know I’m missing a life that never actually was real. I’m still angry though.

I chose to stay and try to make things work. But his attitude was the cruelest thing I've ever endured. I'm still trying to heal. If you choose to betray the one person that loved you more than anyone it is the cruelest thing you can ever do

Just reading through the comments and it is clear to see that the majority of the unfaithful are too selfish and self-entitled to even acknowledge, empathise with what they have put the betrayed through. They just don’t get how soul destroying, it is. How it demeans us, how hard we have to fight to heal so much damage, just for us to feel like a sensual, attractive woman or man again. Two years on from D day and he is still ambivalent, saying through the dynamics of our relationship he doesn’t see me like the other women (plural) that he sees himself more the child and me the adult/parent. 30 years we have been together, he never treated me the way he did them....... I love romance....and everything that goes with it. 🤷‍♀️

Samuel, I am getting sick from my body, the pain I have experienced has been unbearable after learning my husband had an affair for over one year and a half! I chose to stay but he hasn't helped me to get over this pain! We have been married for 28 years but we've known each other for 35 year's! I feel that way can't do it anymore, I feel like he left me with unresolved feelings because he refuses to talk about what he did and he acts like as if nothing happened? I still have bouts with of crying and experiencing the pain so vividly in my heart and he has made me feel left without healing! It feels like the pain lingers because he hasn't helped me at all! I need to see my self worth before I get physically more sick

Someone very close to me has been havig an affair for the past 6 years. They've known their spouse for over 20 and have been married for around 15. I found out when i was still a child and the amount of pain i've felt and kept to myself is too much. The unfaithful know what they're risking and they have no remorse. I wouldn't forgive them.

Dude my wife won’t even admit it. She’s been caught in audio and video and she still denies it. She even tried not to smile while I showed her proof.

I wonder how many women who are cheated on are there simply because of finances fear and their children? With cheating, the foundation is broken and sometimes it is never repaired. You need to forgive your cheating spouse to free yourself it is your choice to stay or go adultery frees you from the marriage.

I don't ever want to feel disrespected again...it prevents me from being to good. I feel like if I am to good I it leaves me to just be taken advantage of. One hint and I am out.. never again

I know women are so gifted with the way they forgive infidelity and move on and completely let go of whatsoever.... But believe me, once a man's pride in his woman is corrupted by thoughts of another man holding her in his arms, Men literally never heal from it, Sister that man will stay, but things will never be the same again, it might take your energy trying to fix things in vain... For the case of women, they will always bring it back every time you fault them.... For me when am cheated on, i leave, i heal, i rediscover my self, find some space and then probably love can find me again, its tricky when children are involved, but NO ONE DESERVES TO BE CHEATED ON... And nO ONE SHOULD DESERVE TO EXPERIENCE THAT PAIN.. Its hectic.

I can only hope that "awe" happens. I still feel that it is me that is being tried for his behavior.

I am an unfaithful spouse who will go to his grave with the guilt and shame of what I've put my wife through, It haunts me every day. I don't want to sound like the victim here, because I am not, I know what I've done can never be taken away, We are still together and she is my true hero! Her intestinal fortitude and strength are bigger than anyone I've ever known, I will always love from now until the day God takes me away from this earth. We have been together for 28 years now, 23 married, and I can't see myself with anyone else. She is my soulmate now and forever! I love her so much and I am truly sorry fir what I have done. 😥😥

From someone that’s been there..... forgive for your own self and then move on!!!!

This just proves he never loved me. And even the thought of losing me or his children he doesn't care. Because he only cares for his affair partner and I am just a door mat.

as the betrayed spouse I felt like the door mat.

You’re channel is getting me through my wife’s infidelity. Thank you so much .

My wife betrayed me and even though I’m standing for my marriage she isn’t and has filed for divorce. She said my efforts are admirable but it’s almost condescending the way she says it. Her affair partner blew her off after a few months but my wife believes their fantasy was real and she says she can’t rationalize coming back to our marriage as anything but settling when she was prepared to be with her AP forever. Just makes me feel like she lacks the emotional maturity to understand the situation for what it really is.

This perspective only applies if the unfaithful isn't a narcissist or psychopath. When I decided to stay and try to work things out, my unfaithful spouse decided it was time to for Him to 'suicide' me. Thankfully I survived him and got out of the relationship alive.

Where was this awe of your significant other prior to your cheating? Why must an emotionally traumatic event such as cheating be the catalyst for a sudden gain of respect for your faithful spouse? Why are you “awe- stricken”of what seems to be unhealthy coping mechanisms from the faithful spouse?

I see him as a weak man . Can't get past that . He says he loves me but at this point I don't believe him . I can't trust him either. He knew what are the principles of our relationship, what are the break up points. He was hiding as long as he could. Now he has a child. He didn't want more children.... I'm grossed out by him. Praying for my healing ❤️‍🩹

I was a stander for 18 months, then he tried to financially abuse us. I was forced to file for divorce. I needed to protect myself and my son.

Thank you Samuel, this helped me because I chose to forgive, but wonder if maybe he sees me as a fool for staying and also I wonder if I'm a fool for forgiving.

If the betraying spouse is a narcissist, then they see the person who stayed with contempt. But they would see you this way even of you'd never cheated. This might be a contributing factor for the cheating. Cognitive dissonance is rampant and Narcissism is on the rise. Figure out what it is and who you're dealing with.

I am still questioning her motives, we have worked through a lot of the infidelity, but even after three years, I still have doubts, questions, eerie feeling that another bombshell will go off again. Triggers still come, trust has never been the same,! I find myself hating her guts when I get triggered. I love her, I won’t lie, but the damage was too deep, just the idea of her with someone else was revolting, there are still a lot of unanswered questions, of which now, I don’t think I want the answers to. It took months to get all the necessary info, but still loopholes. Gotten through the hurt. Doing fine now, but it’s never been the same!

My wife left me almost nine months ago. I deserved it(addiction and anger issues). There were issues on both sides, but at the point of separation, things were mostly my fault. The first visit(about two months) was lukewarm on her part and that made me frantic, then I let go of her and the pursuit of romantic love and left it and her in God's hands. I finally felt some peace in the recovery process; I stopped striving and just buckled down and continued on my own "work." After that is when she started moving slowly back towards me. After she mostly got past her ambivalence(about four months), I was overwhelmed by her mercy and grace. It was our second visit in person(about six months) that we regained sexual intimacy. The third visit was even better. We even had some joint emotional and financial issues to get through together. We did well on those. Now we are working things out like I never would have believed. I am so thankful to her and have resolved to be good for her and good to her. Looking forward to being with her again. Thanks again, my beautiful sweet wife.

May God in Heaven comfort the hearts and minds of all who are going through this hell of being betrayed by their spouses. The unimaginable pain these affairs cause only God can heal. I have experienced this type of pain after I found out about my husband's emotional affair with an old friend of his. The crushing of my soul was beyond anything I'd ever experienced especially coming from a very peaceful and loving home with my parents. It's been about 5 years and I haven't been able to view him the same.

They probably see their partner as not deserving of their respect because they stayed with them after being betrayed. This probably communicates to the cheater that their partner has low self-esteem which will teach them that they can treat them like crap and they will stay. Eventually it will teach them that it's okay to treat you that way because you keep putting up with it. They're definitely not going to stop. I broke up with my ex because he had several emotional Affairs and Justified it by saying that because he was not sleeping with these other women that it wasn't cheating. I'm not going to stay with someone who would disrespect me like that and see no problem with it.

Life is not simple as this fella claims. My spouse was a serial cheater. They loved being in love. That dopamine rush. Then come home to my serotonin. After 9 years I had to look in the mirror and realize that I reached my "seventy Xs seventy". I was his doormat. If I had a dollar for every sorry......

How does anyone marry a person and not know if they can have with their spouse what another woman is offering, not be sure if you can have passion, not be sure if you can have a “spark” or whatever? Don’t get married then. I just don’t get it. No one should hurt another person this way.

I swear this message couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you Samuel.

Hold , Love and treasure your wonderful wife. You are the luckiest man in the world. Forgiveness at this level is the ultimate love she has shown for you, your marriage and your family.

My wife cheated on me now I can’t get my mind straight I can’t get what she did out of my mind and I’m sinking in depression I need advice to calm my mind this video hit home for me

Thank you, Samuel, for this perfectly timed video .... just last night I asked my husband if he sees me .. really sees me. He responded with an emotional yes. It was a quiet powerful moment .... i worry about this maybe more than I realize. Thank you

I’m quite literally sobbing right now. This was such a beautiful and moving video. To hear someone say your courageous for making it work instead of, your weak for crawling back is outstanding. Thank you so much for this, it’s really hard to find information on the unfaithful side of things as there is such a huge taboo of speaking on their behalf.

I found this talk to be uplifting...I maybe looking for encouragement to keep going besides all the hurt,the fights,the feeling of emptiness that the affair brought to our marriage,but sometimes you get to the point that you need someone like Samuel to just explain thing in simple English.Thankyou for all these talks,they help me immensely

Continously feeling sorry for himself and focusing on his pain strictly. It's this type of selfish perception that caused the infidelity to begin with. The only way to mend his heart is by fixing the one's he broke first. Kid's first, spouse second, himself from it. Also to stand back as someone insulted his wife instead of standing up for her. How does he expect to put back together what he's still separating from?

There are no words..... THANK YOU, A MILLION TIMES THANK YOU!!!

I havent cried much, but you got me this time, sam. I love this channel, and in a totally honest expression, without any subtext (dont want Samantha as an enemy! Btw "you go girl!") I love your empathy, and love the energy you bring to this nightmare of a life experience, and i love that God sent me a person of strength and good sense to guide so many towards life...if i was a bit fan girl there, its only because i dont feel alone in imperfection. God bless you, fellow Texan, and every imperfect soul searching for answers.

One of the best videos uploaded in awhile imho. Thank you for all you do!

😭😭😭😭 I'm going through it all again and I've been searching for someone that could understand where I'm coming from...This video hit exactly everything on the nose- and to hear these words was like a veil lifted with new knowledge...I also definitely pray for the "awe" one day

I think my ex lost respect for me because i wanted to save our relationship after her affair. If i had walked out of the door and slammed it behind me, she may have come running after me. But instead, by wanting to save our relationship, i just came off as clingy and needy.

Whenever I hear a confession of a betrayer complimenting a betrayed one, I can't help but think you're doing it for manipulation reasons. I've never forgave my ex and broke up the relationship immediately. As a betrayed one myself, maybe it's just bitterness speaking or maybe because I never got a sincere apology. Didn't even get a confession until it was evident to everyone.

I've been betrayed so many times . 13 years living with him I'm done.

Totally great timing!!! Thank you

Love this so much My husband just told me on March 14 that he is having an emotional affair with another woman for over a year. And at first I kicked him out and then my faith and my positive support in my life decided to work at this. It’s only been two months and we’ve had some really horrible days that I didn’t think I could go on. But we are still together and the one thing he has said many times in the last couple of weeks is I don’t know how you can stay after when I’m done to you and I know how much you must love me and our kids to stay and that means of world to me.

Thank you for declaring healing and gratitude into the future of our marriages, in a time we aren't in yet, from a place our unfaithful spouses haven't reached yet, but you have faith and believe we will be. 🙏

But most of the cheating partners don't ask their self non because they keep cheating after you forgive them them they go so far start a fresh affair which means they don't care about their spouses

As a man this really sucks to be betrayed after 18 years of marriage. Im in the early process any help is welcomed.

Mr. Fred Rogers RIP, once said that a close friend told him: You know what Fred? If there is something that evil can not stand, is forgiveness.

I chose to forgive. It happened when we had 12 years after we married. We continued very happy until this year she left me for another man. We celebrated 26 years last year. I would say I love you every day since the first day we married, give her presents and always was faithful. After all that she did it to me again! This time there was no consideration. Even our children asked the judge to let them stay with me. She has shredded 5 tears for each of mine.

What we betrayed also need to ask, find out and ultimately understand is, why they did it? What led them to go down that path? What made them stay there? My wife had a secretive affair for 6 years (3 years physical). Makes me feel sick, stupid and blind. I had suspicions but never acted on them properly. My mind was also elsewhere, I'm not innocent (comparative to her, I am pretty innocent lol). We are in the stage of healing. Its a beast of a story that I won't post here. Ultimately having 3 small children (yes they're mine) has encouraged me to stay in the marriage - and also the fact that we love each other... that said, I don't think I would be typing this if we never had children... tough to say. I come from a broken home and I refuse to perpetuate the heartbreak of divorce and a split family! Stay strong people. I don't have the answers, only the experience.

How long after D-Day was Samantha able to feel and verbally express Love? 1year and 7 months in and I cannot and have not said "I Love you." I'm not sure if I love him, I do know that I appreciate his efforts. But I don't see him like I once did.

But you clearly felt remorse. If the unfaithful doesn't feel remorse, then there's no point.

Helpful insights. Thank you Welldone

You may have heard this already but I have to say you are truly doing God’s work. Keep speaking wisdom into our pain.

Samuel my husband began cheating early in our marriage. I feel that in less than a year he began cheating. It was with one woman and another. I forgave but I slowly began getting depressed sad nostalgic. I always blamed myself thinking I was no good of a woman. He had me pregnant and his mistress pregnant. Why did he do this to me. It began at like 8 months of our marriage. We were together for 16 yrs until I had enough. I was never happy because I felt he cares more for his mistresses than me n the kids.

Powerful. Thanks for sharing such a hope-filled message. Sharing this with my Spouse today as a Valentine!💕

Thank you for your transparency. I am the betrayed ( one month in recovery)

I think this varies a lot. There are cases where the unfaithful is truly remorseful and wants to save the marriage, and there are cases where the only reason the unfaithful stays is because they feel like they have no other option due to finances, kids, etc. In the former case, recovery can happen. In the latter case, resentment builds even more and the marriage becomes even more dead than ever.

Im on my personal healing,my husband betrayed me,i cant share with anyone,i am afraid that we are humiliated by our friends.i swallowed all the pains..whenever i ask my husband he will get frustrated and raise his voice at me.i am trying to save our marriage and i am forgiveng him,but the pain is killing me.I am an OFW,and it is hard that i even commit suicide.but I am here with pain struggling.

Where there is no genuine remorse, forgiveness is unappreciated and open to further abuse. Easy (early) forgiveness seeks pain relief. Suffering unfaithfulness is an unbearable, soul crushing cross. Its weight is lifted only by tears flowing from the pain of the offending partner’s authentic remorse…a sorrowful heart equal to the harm it cause in its most calloused, selfish and cruel condition.

Thanks! I feel so much worse now.

He said, I cheated because you are not fun and miserable due to your depression. I stood by him thru his depression. Selfish. Shallow human being. 43 years old husband wants to date 19 yo student in Phillipines. I have no faith any more. My daughter is 12 yo

8 yrs post D-day. I’ve come to accept he will never see in me what he saw in his 21 year Emotional affair with his High School girlfriend. She grew up with him. I did not. She had attachments to his childhood, which I never will. But I’ve finally quit trying to compete with all that. I AM a different person altogether. I don’t need to compare myself with her. I stayed because I wanted to. But nearly killed myself by trying to compete and making myself very I’ll. I am past that now. I still get triggered because their affair lasted a generation. But we have worked thru so much. We have both been completely committed to building a NEW relationship. So when we are with our 3 sons and families , 6 grands, we are a different couple. You can never go back to what you thought you had, but you can build something entirely new. You both have to be all in and committed. It’s not easy, but it can be worth the effort.

I'm praying that my husband sees me as the great woman that I am. Until that day, I will set boundaries; refrain from expecting certain things from him; and continue to work on myself. Prayerfully, I'll still be in a space where I want to save my marriage when he finally wakes up.

I am an unfaithful. These are helpful to me 4 days post my wife finding out about my AP. She is devastated and disgusted by me and i am ashamed and afraid that after 40 years she doesn't want to recover. Right now I'm the only one watching these. We may not make it. My affair was over 18 months. Thank you for the candor and verbalize the impact of unfaithfulness.

I now earn every week. You’re such a blessing to this generation, we all love you

As an unfaithful.. I still struggle with the pain we both have ... I am grateful for her strength and giving us a chance .. I still cannot explain my actions.. I now recognize so many failings and every day focus on being the husband and partner she believes I was .. I hide nothing ..I share and thank whatever God is guiding us .. I cannot give up or abandon our path together

Yes my husband feels grateful I stayed , it’s been 4 years since DD but it’ll never be the same, HOW? I will never forget what he did, I have changed so much as a person, my kids don’t know, or friends, everyone I have the best marriage, this year will be 40 years married, his affair was between 2012-2017, I found out 2020, he said he never wanted me to find out, and was taking this to his grave! His affair partner told me everything

SO TRUE, Samuel. ALL OF IT...WOW.

It’s truly difficult to forgive an emotional affair . Especially when they say that they are sorry but they believe that it was not an affair when it was never physical . Yet there was flirting and texting and working everyday with this person for 2 years .

Ouch.. this one hurt. But the truth hurts sometimes. I hate that he is wondering if he'll ever find in me what he found in her. That cuts to the deepest core of my being. Every day I feel like he loves me less and less instead of seeing me in that light. I don't think he'll ever get it. I don't want to give up, but this is the most raw, tangible, heart-wrenching pain I have ever experienced. I can't hear about how he is hurting over losing her. That kills my soul. 💔

May God bless you Samuel for what you do. I needed this, the timing of this message....was perfect. Thank you

No we can’t reconnect. Thank you.

Thank you for this

I've got a huge question. What happened when the betrayed spouse is the one that is blamed by everyone( both the betrayed and unfaithful's family and say that it was all their fault, and that spouse has been abused for a long time but not by the unfaithful?

My husband described her as his best friend. Despite his burner phone denies anything took place. 8 years on nothing his healed. Sexless marriage thanks to my husband. I've accepted a joyous loving marriage will not happen for me. In awe? No he's like a robot who only cares about himself. Good luck to anyone sticking with it.

Thanks for this

I am in awe of that shirt !! 😜 Great video, Samuel. I can't tell you how many times I've felt how that lady described her view of Samantha. Like I am stuck here. Like this is the as good as it gets for me. I felt like I was stuck, and still do some times. I am getting to a place where I can find my worth in Christ. We've had a good week. First one in a long time. The rearview mirror is no place to live.

Thank you Samuel. All your videos help so much. May god bless ur marriage :)

Simply, thank you.

Maybe it's just YOU that is grateful which would venture me to ask YOU why you strayed in the first place? This scenario unfortunately is not typical.

Why so much concern on the unfaithful spouse when they were the ones who did the damage and created the mess. They were the ones who hurt and betrayed. They were the ones who destroyed the marriage. Because no matter how much you try nothing will ever, ever be the same. So concentrate a little more on the betrayed spouse. Because the hurt wounds the heart and leaves a scar and that scar will never go away. Whereas the unfaithful will feel remorse when they get caught. And when they are intimate with you how do you know they are not comparing you or thinking about the other person because it has happened.

Not helpful cuz i don’t care if he is in awe of me and he always tells me how beautiful I am and it honestly disgusts me at this Point

I am an unfaithful happened 10 years ago now and to be honest it was good at the time we got stronger but now I no longer want to be with my wife and I know as soon as I end this she will think there is someone else but this time there isn’t this is just me and I know now I need out