How INTJs REALLY deal with emotions 

A very touching video. I was a major cry baby up until secondary school age (12). Anytime I felt as though I had disappointed someone or had not done my best I would break down. I was incredibly sensitive too (still am) and would well up under any critique. Then during adolescence I was that stereotype, just totally cocooned myself in a massive 180 degree shift, rarely smiled, no vocal inflections, stone cold. My parents noticed this change and its only now that I look back at my much younger self vs my teenage self that I see that I was not thriving. Feelings would build and build until there was immense physical strain and I was not a happy person. Now 20, I am much more comfortable with positive expressions. I'm smiling a lot more, and am a much more social and fun person to be around and embody. As negative feelings go, expressing this is far more challenging, I still can't cry in front of people and never show signs of breakage.

I do the same thing with songs that trigger emotions putting them on repeat until I understand the emotion and then go back to songs that trigger an emotion I want to feel. Maybe lots of types do this. I think what sets INTJs apart is how systematic we are in diagnosing the song-feeling, labeling it, cataloging it, and then prescribing it as the 'treatment' in future times of need.

As an INTJ I deal with my emotions by the act of writing aka journaling, most INTJs hate journaling because they don't want to read into there feelings, but personally I write for the sake of knowing what I truly feel and understand what changes I need to implement in my life. Writing is also a form of art, that's why I love it.

My way of getting to my emotions and getting to understand them is to take my headphones, put one of premade playlists and go for a 3-5 mile walk. This is the time that absolutely nobody is allowed to disturb me if I don't want that to happen. It has multiple benefits - it allows me to get some excercise, provides some physical health and also some mental health. This is my "me" time. I strive to do it every day, because I find it very liberating.

Great video. INTJ here and I relate to most of this. I have very deep feelings which I express only to people I feel safe around. It’s time for the emotionless stereotype to die. I am also extremely protective of friends and family members. Music is a huge part of my life and is my best way to engage my feelings.

When i was 8 or 9 i was outside riding bikes with my brother and sister. We all crashed into each other and my older brother was like ok check for wounds, my sister was ok then i said i was fine but my leg itched alittle. There was just a little trickle of blood so i lifted my pant leg to expose a massive gash i was looking at my tibia bone with the muscles severed. My brother took one look and he started freaking out. My sister cried as soon as she saw our brother freak out. Im like well since everyone else is crying i guess i should cry too. He picked me up and tried to run up hill to the apartment. I told him to put me down and run up ahead and get help. After that i stopped crying cuz i saw no point in crying. I walked home and while i walked i felt to see which muscles i could still use. I found out that the muscles in the front dont have that much impact while walking. INTJ 8 years old.

INFP: I agree that INTJs are some of the most compassionate, caring, and helpful people there are.

Emotions aren't illogical but sometimes they are irrational.

I dig this. One time I thought I maybe might be jealous. So I researched what jealousy was vs other emotions. But none of the criteria for jealousy were there. So I kept thinking at it. Three days later I figured it out. I wasn't jealous. What I was, was insulted. 😃 I was so excited to have solved it. Super stoked. My friend ... the person that had caused me the feeling, he was more confused and disappointed. Which was also rather amusing.

Omg playing a music on repeat is so true and music make me feel something

i think suppressing emotions since when i was a kid is my defense mechanism, its like a foreign substance to me when i was a kid but when i grew up i realized that no matter how u suppress your emotions, there will come a time that all the emotions that you've bottled up will eventually hunt you down and its in a form of a sudden break down and u dont know where it comes from but actually it comes from all you're suppressed emotions. now when im alone i just feel all my emotions

Thank you so much for this channel. I'm an INTJ woman and this emotional thing is so tricky for us. I feel a lot, but it's so hard to relate it to others, it feels so vulnerable, and when I'm in a bad place, the NiFi loop is so intense and we're the most emotional of all, imho. My dad is an INTJ as well, and he's so super loving and warm, but as you mentioned, it's hard for him to express it. I especially liked your coverage of INTJ loyalty, it fits perfectly. We're very loyal and all or nothing types.

PS I was just telling my mother than I prefer to feel my emotions while listening to music and daydreaming. Feel em all... in the well controlled safe fun environment of my mind. Emotions are private. Very personal. Very private. I don't go waving mine about in public, and I'd appreciate the same courtesy from others.

I have deep feelings, but I don't know right away what I'm feeling. It takes time for me to process emotions, and people get mad at me for it. They're so impatient!

To all my all INTJ Sisters and Brothers, I stand with you. Our lives can be hard because of our innate characteristics. However, we are rare, we make huge positive changes in the lives of others and the organisations we are part of, and we leave so many in awe everywhere we go though not all will admit it.

The second you said, showing emotion feels like a weakness. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Logically, I know expressing emotions is normal and healthy. But I can't bring myself to do it. I can rage or cry alone but not with an audience. My parents made me go to therapy for this as a child, until finally, the therapist said there was nothing wrong with me. I just express myself differently. Also, I have had friend's get mad that I always try to solve their problems instead of letting them cry. But it's soooo uncomfortable, especially when the solution is obvious. I've felt like a square block trying to fit in a triangular opening my whole life. I genuinely appreciate your videos. ❤❤❤

Really great content and explanation! As an INFP, it is really helpful to understand INTJ functions. I think this is where we are polar opposites and also misunderstood the most, and hence, stereotyped.

when you explained why INTJ love art because it can explain to them their own emotions I was literally mind blown because I have always loved art and found it amazing because of how when I find a literature or show or song that can express my own emotions, which ia very helpful and soul touching. Damn this is very relatable as an INTJ. I used to think I was an INFP because of how "emotional" i was but now I see that its just because I was always trying to find ways to deal with emotions. The thing with INTJs and (I'm generalizing here) is that I think the difference between a feeling type and an INTJ is that yes, INTJ have emotions and strong ones, but they either don't understand what to do with them, how to react, respond to the environment through their emotions, express them or just deal with them--so they find substitutes and other ways to express their emotions. Whereas a feeler type like INFP already understands the nuances of their emotions and even uses them to categorize their values and such. INTJs most likely can do this too once they understand their emotions and have rationally thought about the values at hand, but it takes A LOT of thinking.

I- Ok, but this is pretty spot on. As a kid up until 12, I had a pretty hard time dealing with emotions. I was actually a crybaby, and I remember once when I cried for five hours straight. I still don't know or remember why. I was also being bullied a lot by the kids in my grade level, and I suspect that my emotional side was one of the reasons. I don't really know why else though. I was incredibly sensitive to criticism, back then. I still am, but mainly if it's unsolicited. I don't remember when exactly this happened, but I just kinda stopped showing any emotion. I turned into the stereotypical INTJ as a way of... self-preservation, I guess. It worked, but I never really felt safe to express my feelings, nor did I really know how, especially during my teen years. It was also during my teen years that I made some real friends, but I didn't really express my emotions that much to them unless I was under a shitton of stress, be it from either the expectations put on me from literally anyone or just sensory overload Now that I'm in my twenties, I like to say that I've become more emotionally mature, or at least I'm on that path. Also, looking back with the lens that I have on now, I probably had a layer of neurodivergence that made things harder to process (probably both ADHD and autism. I was never formally diagnosed though). The point is that I'm coming to terms with the fact that expressing emotions, both positive and negative, is a good thing, but I also have to be selective about who I express them to. There are a lot of psycopaths (tm) in this world, and other is little I can do about it. The best I can do is find people who vibe with me (kinda hard with my painful shyness, though LMAO)

I had to deal with a sudden out of nowhere divorce 10 months ago which caused my bubble to burst, and I've been obsessively working through it ever since at the expense of almost everything else because I'm so stuck in that loop of trying to hyper analyse my feelings. Funnily enough, I put my feelings aside for the first 2 months after the break up, but it was a certain song that made the bubble burst and I just listened to the same song over and over for 4 hours and cried, after which I was able to start working on healing myself. Your analogy about the bubble bursting and putting together pieces of multiple puzzles at the same time because it's all just a big mess is almost exactly how I've been describing "how I feel" to my friends (I have a dear ENFP friend who has been irreplaceable to me during this time. He's literally given me an emotional vocabulary to help me through this when I've felt completely lost). But I think the puzzle I'm making is actually me... There's new pieces on the floor that weren't there that seem to fit, and there are old pieces that I can't find a place for anymore. When I look at the puzzle from far away, it's still the same abstraction of "me"... But when I zoom close, it's different than it was a year ago, and I think I just have to come to terms with that. Something traumatic happened, and I need to get through it even if it leaves me different from what I was before, no matter how much I wish I could just restore previous order to my inner self. Thanks for your videos, they've helped me out in recent weeks in this part of my healing process. Only feedback I'd have is that you audio track tends to often be a little bit quieter than other RU-vidrs, which makes it hard to hear you when I'm listening to your videos surrounded by traffic and outside noise, even at full volume.

As an INTJ, I always want my choice and I believe everyone should have choice. Choice must also come with accountability

As an INTJ I agree with most that you said except the part about if your brother was in the wrong, you would still defend him. If my brother or another family member did something inappropriate, I would not protect them just because they're my family. If they f'd up, they f'd up and they should know. That's what is logical to me personally!

The INTJ in my life sends me songs to show me his emotions. I have always known they aren't random songs. As an INFJ I also listen to songs on repeat, they help me with working through emotions. They also sometimes become my theme songs to whenever I'm dealing with at points.

As an INTJ, I can relate to a lot of your points. You definitely deserved the subscribe, keep going 📈

I really love how expressive and informative you are in your videos. Thank you so so so much!

I agree stereotypical INTJs are usually the younger and more immature ones. I was the annoying INTJ stereotype as a kid, but I realize that now and worked on my weaknesses. I feel as though I’m a lot more empathetic and emotionally intelligent than what people make us out to be, but each personality has spectrums so not all of us are going to be the same. I think we just really don’t like putting our emotions on others because at the end of the day it doesn’t fix anything and it’s not efficient for moving on, so we come off “emotionless.” My INTP sister and INFP mom say I tend to come off “cold” and “indifferent,” which is a lot coming from an INTP 😂

Crazy how accurate this is, thanks for your videos, learning a lot about myself, glad to see I'm not alone.

I found that being an INTJ really helped me be a psychologost amd professor of psychology for the reasons you so aptly describe. On a personal level ...yes we are particular who we confide in...

YO I have WORDS for this! I've kept a journal most of my life (if any other INTJs in here are having difficulty processing their emotions, I HIGHLY suggest doing this) and I wrote down "I need to learn how to stop snapping on myself" some time in HS. I meant by this; I would ignore all my emotions and suddenly they would SNAP, literally it felt like a rubber band, and bowl me over forcing me to process them. It wasn't that I was actively repressing anything, it just always seemed like what I was feeling was irrelevant and I was annoyed that I needed to attend to how I felt. I've learned to just accept that your emotions are more data and you need to give time to feel them, unpack them, and process them. You will discover things about yourself that Te can't show you. It will better equip you to anticipate how other things might affect you, and learn what your boundaries are. You will surprise yourself! And most of all, it will help you empathize with others' emotional processes. You will learn and be able to recognize when something isn't working bc of how you feel about it, or how other people feel about it, and if you can effectively attend to those emotions, you can get the thing to work! Which is always so rewarding, to effectively do the Fe so you can Te. I definitely do the reclusive thing, but I've also learned if I am sad I need to reach out, and what works for me, I think bc it takes the spotlight off the fact that I feel vulnerable, is I reach out and give love to my friends. I reach out and check on them, see how they are doing, what they are doing, make them laugh, help them solve problems in their lives, and people reciprocate. It gives me warm fuzzies anyway, and that helps. Receding into my interior world to lick my wounds can only go so far.

100th Subscriber here. Glad I landed on this channel. I agree with you on the fact that INTJ emotions are misrepresented by most content creators. I share many of the childhood experiences you outline in this video. I also use stories from movies and books as well as lecturers from psychologists to understand my emotions and how to deal with them, in that , I think I have come a long way. I think every INTJ knows exactly how they are feeling and what they want to do because of it. Most people learn to navigate them by acting out and learning from their experiences. For us, I think the struggle is due to our heavy reliance on Te filter and a need to present ourselves as rational perfectionists (settling only for the best, the most efficient, the most suitable etc, means to attain our overarching goal.) So when we are feeling, instead of simply responding, we want to make sure we have the best possible response. So all the information Gathering from observing others and perusing stories is to establish exactly that , to have the best possible response in our holster. I don't know if other types experience it this way, but for me and a few other intjs I know in my life, this is the case. I also think the neutrality in expression most of us experience as teens is a bit of a risk hedge while we figure things out with our Ni and Te Filter in the period. Puberty comes with so many overwhelming emotions and our response is to not express any until we are confident we have the right response for them - after all, zero expression means zero room for real judgement. (personally I think we are way too comfortable with people misconstruing us, hence, why we embrace the villain stereotype quite easily. Its scarier /more exciting when someone sees through the noise and gets to know the real us- warts and all.) That being said, an intj who is surrounded by feelers and sensors tends to learn quickly because he/she is taken along for the ride of their experiences in real time. Those that aren't may find themselves doubling down on their 'expressionlessness' tendencies and develop type A personalities to compensate. All this is just my theory on the matter. Id love to hear everyone else's thoughts on this.

I just found your channel & I'm binge-watching your videos. Must say, best INTJ content that I've seen. It's appreciated! (INFP 4w5)

Thank you, it's a relief to hear this articulated and have other INTJs share their inner experiences. I personally blast music, drink, and cry in private haha. Journaling helps a lot with getting my feelings out on paper so I can examine my thoughts rather than feel victimized by them. There's 1 or 2 very close people I can confide in, but it took many years to accept that it's not weak to have other people help regulate my emotions. I think this could be due to being ridiculed for behaving anxious when I was younger. Whenever I tell people sensitive stuff, I get a vulnerability hangover and feel overwhelming shame. Maybe that's why typing all this to strangers on the internet feels easier haha. I really relate to your point on data collection. And yes, going onto the internet and seeing how other people process similar situations is a great help (or hinderance) as well haha, like trying to find a trustworthy walkthrough to get past a particularly difficult level. Psychology and figuring out personality traits and tendencies fascinate me, maybe all the data helps INTJs feel safer as well. Attachment theory provided a lot of insight on how Securely attached individuals communicate their emotions healthily. I learnt so much from that.

When you mentioned the avoidant type i could relate more deeply, because everything you have said was spot on, dealing with emotional overload sure is more tough for me, as an INTJ. Thank you for the insight and the examples, have a good day!

yep .. being emotionally vulnerable is something I struggle with. I don't want to be a burden or show weakness(as I see it), and I've always been able to handle my shit on my own. very independent and responsible, almost to a fault... but now that im in my 30s with some some experience or whatever you wanna call it. I now know how nice it is to have someone to help you and be there with you during tough times. and it's not a bad thing to have to depend on another every once in awhile either. 💕

Really great explantions ! When I was younger I was the most emotional too. I watched MTV too after school when I was adolescent, this song "She will be loved" of Maroon 5 hit me too. Listen to certains very specific music which hit me emotionally seems to be the most efficient way to express my emotions. Meaningful things can make me very emotional. Singing or doing music seems work well too for INTJ to express their emotions. I feels the emotions very intensely (surely related to the intensity of Ni), but to express them takes longer and is more difficult. I am hyper hyperempathetic and hypersensitive (both with senses and emotions) related to my neurodivergence (gifted and asperger). Very calm from the outside, but inside it happen so much things.

I just found your channel, but I want to thank you for this video. I hate the stereotype about no emotions. I always struggle with- is this person flirting with me or just being nice. I usually just think they are being nice, it has gotten me into trouble in the past. I have to agree with you also, I was super sensitive growing up, I was teased for this by my family as well. It just made me retreat into myself. And I still struggle with my emotions. I have plenty of emotions and I'm still very sensitive, but my husband is the only one who sees this side of me. I hate crying about anything in front of anyone! I hate that I feel I can't even get teary eyed at a movie or something. It's so hard for me to be more open, but for me it's a fear of having these vulnerable emotions thrown back in my face later. I usually have to vocalize I need to be alone, to regulate myself. I wish I could just let it go, but it is definitely very difficult and a work in progress or like you say, or I will blow up at someone.

Thank you for this, for a while I've been reconsidering if I'm a feeling type because I do feel my emotions very deeply and as a kid I was VERY emotional like a massive cry baby. This caused me to rethink if I was even a thinking type because I thought I would have to be more logical from the start but I'm starting to realise that isn't true. I'm currently an adolescent and I can kinda relate to the stereotype but I can also be very social and 'bubbly' which confused me. I've also entered my first relationship and I'm realising how emotional I can be when I open up to someone so thank you for reminding me that just because other INTJS try to keep up this 'facade' of being emotionless that it's ok to feel. Thank you again your channel is giving me more comfort as I realise that just because I don't relate to every INTJ quora post or Reddit post doesn't mean I'm not an INTJ.

Wonderful and insightful video! My older brother is an INTJ and this is both illuminating and accurate. As an ENFP, I'd like to share a little about how an auxiliary Fi user engages with the function. Similar to the INTJ, ENFPs are an intuitive dominant (and sensing inferior) type. As such, our judging axis (Fi and Te) are fairly balanced. In my experience, Te is a very active, forceful, and empowering function to use. I spent a good portion of my adolescence in an Ne Te loop-when these two functions work in combination, it seems as if the world is our oyster! :D However, the swiftness and perpetual motion of these two functions within an ENFP will quickly cause a strain. Ne and Te will explore and achieve, but often engage with the world in a manner that lacks depth, meaning, and authenticity. This is where Fi comes into play. Oddly enough, although ENFPs have Fi as their auxiliary, it can often be difficult to reconcile this introverted function amidst the intoxicating force of the two extroverted functions. Fi is the depth beneath still waters, spiritual and wonderfully nonsensical. Fi users feel everything so deeply that we cannot help but feel alive. We imbue the world around us with a piece of ourselves, and when combined with Ne it is self-expression in manifold ways. Something else about Fi is the unique way in which it empathizes. I call it, 'messy empathy'. Rather than offering words of comfort, Fi empathy will simply start crying with someone, with no prior intention or end. Empathy for its own sake. And unfortunately with auxiliary Fi, its difficult for me to hide my emotions even if I tried. So I'm very open and vulnerable with my emotions, but as Fi is very independent and private, digging through the trenches happens in the home within myself. I feel comfortable sharing insight after I have processed it within. Only the closest people are brought into the world of Fi in real-time. To find the balance between Fi and Te, I conceptualize it through Ying and Yang. Too much or too little reliance on either causes disharmony. Te as Yang-it is pure energy and agency, ordering and acting upon the world. Fi as Ying-it is embracing the chaos and disorder, being deeply affected by life in both bliss or suffering. Thank you for reading, have a great day :)

I'm an INTJ who takes some vastly different political stances, and this is strangely the first online space I actually feel safe to express that in, even knowing we believe differently. It says a lot about my faith in INTJ people being able to view all perspectives and even play devil's advocate. Edit: I would love to pick your brain about how the military affected you as an INTJ. I tend to present as very ENTJ sometimes because I used to be a SGT and I have that training that says "just get it fucking done." Or once I tested as ISTJ because of how the military trained me to have a flexible approach to problem solving. It did not help me with processing my feelings, though.

I feel you on everything in this video. Fellow intj.

Holy shit, Jon. This video is the bomb. So very profound. wow, thanx.

I see emotions in conversations as a way to manipulate others. I absolutely hate when people try to manipulate me for any reason.

I wasn't allowed to cry as a kid.

I listen to the same song 100 times. I get you 🥰

I was conditioned to hide my emotions as young as 3 when my cries were treated as being overly dramatic or fake. Just because I learned to speak earlier than other babies they knew, the same time as I learn to walk, it doesn't mean I have the mental capacity of my older cousins (they were always preferred and paid more attention to and cared for as I live with my extended family as a cultural norm). I just hadn't learned how to identify what those feelings were and how to express them in ways people can understand or see as appropriate. My mom's adivice to just ignore them, brush them of lightly or sweep them under the rug only resulted in mental breakdowns and 2 mental health issues I received diagnoses later in life. I had to figure out how to deal with emotions on my own but it's totally worth it.

Thanks for posting this. Helps in my journey of self-understanding. The only time I feel intense emotions is when I listen to music, and it makes me feel a little crazy to feel that deeply, so I only listen to music when I actually want to feel something. I also have a strong sense of empathy for animals and will go out of my way to help them. I've repeatedly tested as INTJ, including on the official exam. Here because I'm questioning these tests and what they really mean for or to me. I also like writing fiction, as this is a good outlet for emotions that are not directly mine, if that makes sense.

You REALLY get INTJs well. I'm saving all your videos so I can send them to interested people in the future.

Good points! I overanalyze a lot or go over my head with Se, sometimes it's only then I realize that I have issues. I suppose istjs can relate to this, they have te in their second slot and fi in the third. I struggle a lot with people undervaluing my emotions. You are always calm, just relax and forget, it will pass. Fortunately, I have close people who don't do this. Relate a lot to this video

Music, absolutely, strong emotion makes me cry, and that music is attached to someone I love, I go to pieces. I'll sob at any feeling through music, it makes me feel raw. Overwhelming.

I agree that it is very hard for an intj to listen, especially to an urgent situation, and not try to start fixing the problems. As a man, it's even worse. I have to remind myself that emotional expression is part of people's healing or closure process.

Yesss, and she wiiiill be loved

Great video as always! Just want to add my two cent as an ENFP. I think for xNFPs, we also share a similar sentiment to INTJs tertiary Fi when we reject our Fi (often due to living an environment that doesn't support it). I find journaling and talking to myself about the emotions really help in accepting them as they are and allowing that bubble valve to release some of the emotional tension. Then, it's easier to use Ne to explore different reasons why I feel such intense emotions. Fi then just comes in and give internal self-ressurance if any of those emotional fragments are too triggering lol. For INTJs, I imagine it would be easier if you guys allow that Fi to be itself for a little. Accept it for what is. Then, use your natural strength of Ni to analyze all the informations you have of yourself and the situations. What you can control and what you cannot, so you can formulate ideas on what to do to improve the situation. Then just Te - take action pow pow. The tricky thing is you have to allow yourself to go through all those Fi turbulence, which I imagine it's more challenging for INTJs with tertiary Fi. If you can find yourself a mature xNFP listening ears, it would be great. They can give you how they would interpret your emotions if they were you. Those informations can be great reference source for your Ni to understand your particular situation. It works really well in my case. That's pretty much what me and my INFP best friend do most of the time lol. Hope this is helpful! Introverted functions just require a bit more time to understand and develop, but it's not impossible. I believe y'all can do it hehe

Thanks For Your Videos man It Really helped me 😢

Even as a little baby, I was never comfortable showing my emotions. One of my earliest memories is me as a 2 year old being embarrassed that I was WITH a crybaby. Although a big wooden board fell on us and we were stuck, I refused to cry for help. (What a little weirdo baby INTJ!) Now, I notice that I suppress my emotions so automatically that I actually don’t realize that I have them. Then they manifest in very confusing ways and I need a professional to help me figure it out! This year I’ve been working on making time to feel. I take alone time to cry or feel anxious or whatever it is I feel. Sometimes it’s hard, and I’ll find a guided meditation to listen to a voice telling me it’s okay to cry.

Jon, I think you're such a beautiful person. Love INTJs from an INFJ.

INTJ are emotional, I can say it being one. We are really emotional and sensitive. Just, most of you won't ever get to see it

Great video!

This one and your other video on advice for INTJ for better social interactions inspired me to write this comment. I m an INTJ. Somehow, I have not found much issue in social interactions where I know someone through my work or study. But i remember learning and creating certain rules like appreciating people for specific good things they did or published to start the conversation. Also, often I get good clues from my observation of that person during the event, so bring up something of that kind to talk about. In terms of passing conversations at office and social place, I have learnt to say hi, hello and all, may be a way to avoid any future issues where I might be judged for my social skills rather than my technical skills. I get walled off when I am really hurt by something someone said in public/office space and I can't express myself. I better go in private space and process that rather than having an open outburst or a single tear from my eyes. The most challenging is the real social situations where I am meeting my in-laws in a gathering. As my husband is from different region and they speak a different language and have very different traditions than mine I fail to begin a conversation. But I have favourite people in his family that show affection even without understanding me, I am always happy and obliged to meet them. I can connect with the younger generation of those fairly ok until they personally affect me or my husband. Sometimes my MIL's earlier behaviour in objecting to our marriage also comes up in my mind restricting free conversation with each other. Other than that, I don't , I have faced issues in one-on-one conversations. However, important to say I don't have any friends that know me deeply, it is because of the disconnect that kept happening when I moved to and from the US, I couldn't follow many friendships, and many times they didn't care to call back. Group dynamics in a purely social arena is sometimes scary, especially in India, as females and males naturally divide in gender based groups in most social events. I find that repulsive, either I sit alone away from ladies or I try to talk to men. That's why I hate parties and functions, unless I am very sensory deprived or I am too happy with myself to let myself enjoy free time. Now that I wrote this, reading it all makes me think that I am full of contradiction.

There is no logical outcomes from "feelings". I'd rather solve something than to be self absored in emotions. People who cannot see a problem and just constantly want attention from their emotions, honestly, make me nauseous to be around. I am emotional, but I quickly look for the root. The most difficult emotions are ones that the problem can't be changed. For example, a sad ending to a story. There are movies, that even after 20 years, I cry just remembering them. Or a circle relationship that can't be escaped and it's constant anger and stress. I literally only cried a handful of times until lately. As I age, I seem to cry at everything. It's still always in private though. Emotions are not weakness. They can be a strength, BUT it's generally just illogical and used for attention. Another super awesome video!

As an INFP with an INTJ sister and INTJ friends, I can confirm intjs looks the calmest when they freak out haha They are indeed emotional beings they just have difficulty showing it because they are rarely asked about their emotions and mostly prioritise logic. One thing that I often tell my sister is to just "feel it " no need to try to find logic or patterns or think about what to do, just sit for sec and sinj into that feeling what you're going through completely, it's the kost effective way to be able to identify clearly that feeling, once that is done and you confirmed what your heart tells you , you can start thinking about the future and what to do, so far this advice helped her alot and I'd recommend everyone to ask about intjs feelings from time to me , not just say "how are you" but "how are you feeling today? "

Hey Jon, thank you for making this video! I'm an ISFP who currently learn about cognitive function, and in recent years I've come to the point where I respect my Ni and Te, so I'm excited to learn about it. Wrong thing is I went to ENTJ - INTJ forum on reddit and damn.. You couldn't be more right about it. It's a freaking shitshow with so many ego-lifting user that love to shit on feelings, like it's something to be avoided at all cost and shit on us Fi dom 🙂. Then I know it's not a safe space for me to learn, and it's actually hard for me, both on internet and real life, to find an INTJ/ENTJ who has already comes to terms and brave enough to be vulnerable with their Fi and Se. Based on this video, looks like this channel can be my safe space not only for INTJ but also for me to learn Ni in a gentle way (hopefully). Keep up the good work and thank you for your courage to share your Fi✌️

"Being emotionally vulnerable is weakness, and I don't like feeling weak" You just summed me up as an INTJ with my experience on emotions. I've grown though and have learn to accept them and try fully understanding my emotions more so I'm not destroyed by them. Also keeping things private is what I do too and it's very difficult opening up.

I pour my emotions into music 🎶

There's just no time..... Especially with my job and my family... There's just zero time..

You want to have fe 3rd slot, man it's hard.. fi as trickster.. you can feel lost at sea. I think NT's are avoidance to be fair. I think I've found intjs hard, as I want to help but intjs can want to sort it themselves, I felt rather kicked out into the cold, so thanx for saying about this. It was nice to see you open up on this topic ..u popped your head out of your shell.. appreciated this .

As an enfp i also love art fashion... etc, i deal with my emotions by process it just take a deep breath and i look to my emotions i hear it i feel it like i see what this emotions try to tell me then i let it go , i suggest the book (Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender.) Like although i am an enfp but i don't like to be weak in other people eyes so i maybe go into my room alone and cry or write or doing art express my emotions after that i become more stronger and i face the world again. Note : if you have someone who you are love and trust in him or her tell them that you are struggle or sad . Another note: that doesn't mean that you have to want always from people to be there for you cuz this is high expectations that will be overwhelmed to the people you love.

As an immigrant child too, (f intj here), I was INCREDIBLY sad and VERY angry for a long time because my parents had to prioritize assimilation and making money versus the needs of me and my brother. I feel like sometimes it isn't us that's the problem as a child with emotional needs, we were failed by our parents and family and shamed for actually being normal and then expressing our emotions of abandonment or hurt. Hope you've found more peace with your childhood experiences since you made this video but just wanted to add my perspective in here.

Keep it up bro 👍

😂 look forward to being an intj in old age, 👍😉 good stuff, and kind greatings from copenhagen 🇩🇰🌎🙏

:: hug hug :: I want to be your friend! lol thanks for taking the time to learn about, create, and share this info in digestible ways (at least for me).

pink floyd, steven nicks, joni mitchell , sigur ros, simon and garfunkel are great for the musics that I will listen to again and again.

True. I'm always being called emotional and when i was young i kept refusing the emotions. I'm also absolutely bad at identifying my own emotions and have no idea how to handle it.

As an Fe user, this was such an interesting video. I try not to deal with ALL my emotions by isolating as I find that too often leads me down a black hole, and my brain starts feeling like spaghetti. So I do isolate, but usually only for the purpose of figuring out how to later communicate my emotions in a way that will reach the other person respectfully, not so much to decipher what they are. But I have many friends that use Fi, and the depth of their feelings often strikes me, as I very rarely feel something to the extent of tears unless I am dealing with someone else’s emotions. In other words, my emotions rarely make me emotional, but other’s do? The only way to deal with that, from my perspective, is to be with them, as I know that these are not my emotions, and the moment they stop being emotional, I will stop as well. It’s interesting to hear Fi’s perspective, particularly from someone with Fi lower in their stack (my ENTJ friend is sure to agree with your methods). Your “system”, as you put it, where you experience emotions from media and then determine how to deal with them, was very enlightening, as my experience of media is a bit different. This is definitely a point of contention between Fe and Fi users, I think, as most Fe users just want you to talk through how you feel (with good intentions, I’m sure), while most Fi users, regardless of placement, seem to find that uncomfortable and smothering and would rather relate some Te solution after the Fi does its work. - INFJ

Pass, emotions are to emotional for me. I buried mine deep down inside my dark soul😈😎😈

I find it helpful to externalise deep fears and anxiety in writing to surface, examine and solve pessimism and self efficacy.

Im not going to lie I just recently found out about personality types. I also found out that im an INTJ as well which ads up. For so long I thought something was wrong with me. Never fitting in or never being understood. It was so frustrating, especially when I would try to convey my emotions. How am I supposed to convey and express my emotions when I don't fully understand them? The other half of that problem is that honestly I don't really trust anybody but a few people to know how I feel. It just felt as if I was an alien from another world failing at "being human". But I can now take solace in the fact that we may be the few, but at least I'm not the only one. Thanks for the helpful advice that you offer.

I love an INTJ and I'm an ISFP so I'm trying to learn what I can so I can love, care and talk to him better❤️

I was a very emotional child, but my parents are old school/pull yourself together by the boot straps. I learned very quickly your suppose to bottle up your emotions and not cry, especially the women in our family because we’re suppose to be the glue. I’m an emotional person, but to others I’m cold or mean. Can’t win for anything!! Too emotional, cold blooded. By the way, song that’s on the repeat at the moment- Anti-Hero, Taylor Swift, it’s so spot on!🤷🏽‍♀️ 😂

I used to just write down all the feelz on a legal pad, then I would toss the pages after the issue was all "written out". Did that for years, then just stopped, I suppose, after I decided I knew enough to just get over stuff more easily or dispatch a solution more quickly.

I can attest to that. I was the sensitive guy from mu childhood untill i lost my brother he was everything to me, kinda like the defender who iwas with me when i was the sensitive guy. Dorm that day, things just switched and i became this enigmatic 'coldish' guy but deep down im still the childhood me

I'll deal with it. It speaks more🙂

Be the music ❤

One friend observed, while we were both looking at a mutual friend who was hopping up and down with joy over opening a box of something, "That little indicator dial in me doesn't move as far, or as frequently".

Wow! Been wondering for a while if I’m an intj. Can relate to my family calling me emotional all the time as a child ( mainly being so misunderstood). Then dealing with the inability to actually express my emotions so I just constantly try to rationalize them or just immediately dismiss them because I may be the problem.

A song that stirs my emotions is 'Samurai' by Enigma.

I don't like to feel weak at anything, showing positive or negative emotions also makes me feel weak, I don't like to show weakness. I understand the bubble, continually repressing and avoiding, until it grew so large that what might seem like a small blow provokes an exaggerated reaction, an overflow, which I usually resolve in solitude, but which when the bubble bursts I find All these accumulated feelings, all the pains together at the same time, everything that avoided you from feeling and thinking. It's usually a day of intense discharge, then I return to normal, to that stability or little emotional reactivity, at most a mixture of stress. Yes, I also have avoidant attachment. I wondered if all intjs have avoidant attachment. Recently I saw a post on a social network of intjs where they said the type of attachment they had, of course it is information that must be taken with a grain of salt but it is data that serves to think, and more than half were avoidant, just over 1/2 of the other half were anxious and an ambivalent minority. I understand this: being told you're angry and you saying no, you're not wrong. I've been told this a few times and I say, I'm just stressed or a little upset. I was probably upset about something, but I won't admit it even to myself, I don't really even notice, it's like I just suppress it and downplay it. Partly because I don't really feel really angry, because there's a huge abysmal difference like when they talk about the people who are important to you xD LOL and you feel that the bad side that every INTJs knows they have is starting to come out haha and that we are a little afraid of, the uncontrolled overflow of anger. In part I think that's why a lot of INTJs before getting angry start giving some threats to warn you not to go there, you don't want someone cold, Machiavellian, obsessive and angry against you, I think it's something we're a little afraid of us. What is extremely rare to happen, you must have done something very wrong.

Justice, that's what we want, for everyone. And we love the underdogs.

Great content (INTJ-T here). There definitely are some misconceptions concerning INTJs and emotions. I read many contradicting statements. I consider myself to be emotional and empathetic. I am good at reading between the lines but also have the tendency to overthink. A common problem is, that some people don't seem to get the difference between having emotions and showing emotions. It's difficult for others to understand me or what's going on in my head because I control, or at least try to control, every aspect of myself that others can sense. I am actively trying to suppress feelings (not so much when I'm alone), but there are moments where I feel overwhelmed (usually when unexpected things happen or I don't have a sense of control).

both my fiance an I are INTJs, and he is the sweetest person I know. he said he's been told at work that he's always serious but I believe he's very sweet and he definitely doesn't have a problem showing emotions.

i may add that for that bubble not to burst, always find time to feel your emotions, all the pain of emotions, just feel it until it no longer hurts, its okay for little Bubble burst than it become super big enough then burst its kinda hard more that way, feel your emotions and understand that its okay not to be okay sometimes

I agree that Fi is a weird function, probably the weirdest. Talking from experience.

ENFP here. there are lots of times I don’t know what the feelings are when that come up. You not alone. (Would be cool to get infp feedback) I let the feelings happen. If I have time to investigate in that moment I will otherwise I’ll write key points down and come back to it later that day . A good way for me to disconnect is go into curiosity mode! NE :) also feelings could also be positive. Hearing a good song and feeling happy because it makes you forget the real world! Champion those feelings too!!

I can somewhat relate to the video, however me being an ENTP I have Fe as a tertiary function. I analyze my feelings with Ne dominance with ti auxilary to rationalize and deal with feelings. So even though feelings may seem illogical and irrational it's important to vent your feelings or you'll get upset to the point of self harm. I say that if you can't verbalize emotions in public do it with a councilor. I used to be more introverted and as humans we are social creatures meaning that we need others in our life. I respect your point of view even though I may disagree with some of it.

Very grateful that my mom let me isolate when I needed to as a child. It must've been weird and off-putting to have an 8 yr old say, "I'm in a bad mood, I just want to be alone" when you try to hug them.

Even after knowing intjs suppress emotions constantly, I still find myself unconsciously suppress them. It takes a long while (hours to days) of reflecting to realize I’m upset or stressed etc.

A lot of things you talk about sound so familiar to my personal experience, even though I'm (supposedly) an INFJ. I guess we do overlap quite a bit...

can u make more content? i feel seen, heard and someone i can relate too when im watching your video

Thank you for this video, as an ENFP whose soulmate is an INTJ, this was very helpful. Would you say that INTJs already have introverted predispositions and traits within themselves, which then become triggered and reinforced by invalidation, bullying and/or being mocked for their particular way of feeling and expressing emotions? This would make sense to me, because I see how INTJs suffer from their lack of trust or intimacy with others if they haven't really understood the way they process feelings. I also see how BECAUSE they're so sensitive at the core, and got invalidated by experiences with other humans, they developed this hard shell (very easy to crack open for an ENFP though, haha :D). I basically wonder if past traumas / psychology are relevant when trying to understand personality types, or if some INTJs don't have this past experience of what was felt like rejection and shame for their emotions? Please let me know what you think, I love your videos ! :) INTJs are actually so sensitive and thoughtful, I wish my INTJ would realize that it is safe to be vulnerable sometimes, and that they can also relax and let loose, and trust me. :)

I've been called avoidance type too

its konda hard to have so much emotions, but i feel uncomfortable when someone even my family saw me crying alone in my room