The Source of all INTJ Problems - Trickster Extroverted Feeling (Fe) 

What timing Jon.. 🤩🤩🤩 Someone just told me yesterday "you don't know how to care or show affection".. I was completely taken aback because I thought my giving him time was a compliment of the highest order.

I respect everyone on a very basic level, but I respect very few in specialized abilities. I adore when I meet somebody I can respect and multiple ways! It's like it lets me breathe and relax. Feeling other people being competent truly gives me a sigh of relief

I like your channel a lot. i hate how others treat INTJ like a teenage edgylord or others who think we are inhuman machines. But everything you say I can relate to because you see everything as a whole. truthful, educated, intelligent and mature I really enjoy hearing you say truths about INTJ and not just negative lies and meaningless stereotypes.🎉🎉

Maybe I’m wrong but to me Fe dom sometimes is not “gentle” or “nice” at all. They can gaslight others and be bipolar/mood swing when things don’t go their way. They can be the bullies and people-pleasers at the same time. They trust their feeling too much that they force the weaker (children, weaker friends…) follow their rules. They mostly are the people who say “you’re getting bullied because you’re doing something wrong”.

understanding the fact that my Fe is super low and completely ignored, has helped me try to behave more, human, in other ways? to my loved ones that is, its super hard, extremely hard, but being aware of this fact has helped me resolve social problems. Maybe in the future it will get better (says every intj ever...) anyway thanks for the video!

Extroverted feelings ARE exhaustive and time wasting. You hit me in the feels there. Of course, no one can tell.

Can you do a training video on how to Fe? One particular problem is dealing with jealousy from other people. This has happened on both the personal and professional arena. It seems like people feel threatened by my competence. I have been advised to play dumb and ask my male manager questions that I already know the answers to in order to placate his ego. I've refused to take this tactic. It's not just the INTJ problem but also the gender issue of being female in science. There ought to be some way where I can fully be myself and still coexist in harmony with others. Your videos give me hope.

You are so self aware; it's incredible! Thank you for taking the time to create this video!! ENTP here and all of this is so super helpful. :)

I can still vividly remember struggling hard with Fe growing up for all the reasons you pointed out in this video. The dating world was like a mine field 0 sum game that you were just setup to lose from the outset, and so eventually I just stopped trying to the point where if someone did show genuine interest in me, it would fly right over my head. I still remember one fight my girlfriend and I had because there was a coworker she had that was kinda into me, and I just didn't even pick up on it because good old Fe never taught me to pick up on those subtle hints, which resulted in me being more friendly than my girlfriend would have preferred toward her. At one point while I was visiting her at work, she genuinely looked like she was really busy with some guests and I'd spent the time I was hoping to talk with her talking with her coworker. After awhile I was just like, "This is probably just a bad time to try and hang out/grab lunch so I'll just dip out." As I start to leave she chases me down and we get into a fight over her thinking I was flirting with her coworker and I just remember being so thoroughly confused because I hadn't made a single move or shown anything other than what I felt was just maintaining a general conversation to not be rude. The next day we talked through it and got everything all sorted out, but I will never forget that feeling of just utter confusion from someone interpreting the actions I took in what felt like such a totally different manner than how I felt they were going.

GREAT VIDEO !!! Damm bro !! Thanks so much ❤❤ . So much value. So funny and yet full of value and understanding on how we see the world. Thanks so much !! Its so inspiring. You make me remember the things that really matter.

As an INTJ who decided to leave my country to live somewhere else where I am better for my goals + everything you said about envy or fitting it etc I feel attacked haha, my nickname is basically free spirit or lone wolf in my family and friends It’s really interesting to know that it’s linked to Fe I’ve always found ENFJ so intriguing yet so far from my own way of thinking. First time I met an ENFJ and talk to them, Me: wow, there is actually people thinking that way about others? It seems so tiring I appreciate ENFJ a lot but no wonder they struggle a lot with boundaries Everytime I speak to ENFJs, I’m really amazed about their way of living life

I’ve had 2 Fe dom besties for the better part of 15-20 years. And they sure have taught me a thing or 2 about Fe! Enough to feign it….occasionally. But it will NEVER feel like home and I always feel like I’m actually being fake when I attempt it. When I get in trouble with them it’s ALWAYS an Fe related issue, I haven’t considered feelings, conventions or cues. For me it just takes so much ENERGY to care about those things. Social status? Your accomplishments? Who gives a s$#t! Can you engage my Ni? Impress my Te? Play to my lil baby Fi? Well THEN you might matter to me. Meeting new people, dating = HELL. And what even is flirting? Who tf knows or cares! 😂

Love how well you explain... me to me. Its actually ackward, but in a good way. I'll only add in my intj journey, the hardest part of social life are often the "feelers" trying to place me (or so my trickster interprets", then my hero function PRESUMES the bad case scenarios... before I even have a chance to stop it. Work in progress... and the only way I can think of to better develop my social reality, is to try again and again until it "clicks".

Another great video ! I like the background and the little light.

Thank you, Jon, for this video. You explain this frustrating little [but not insignificant] puzzle so very well! :)

'She's a mess, but she's *OUR* mess' is how I'd describe my ti trickster for sure -enfp

Love this video. Please more content like this ❤️

Extroverted feeling has been the bane in my life, my entire life. It was so hard for me growing up, a little easier now that i am 40. It's so amplified being a girl because girls are supposed to talk and be chatty. I learned early on to default to silence because I'm going to say something wrong. Then try to explain...ugh.. i am thankful for all the extroverted girls I've met over my life that take me under their wing. The second part is so true to me as well. I compartmentalize people exactly like this. I think this why i get along with people who have totally different values, example like i have friends who are Republicans and and who are Democrats. I see value to certain topics they discuss. Ha i left home at 18 yeah i was not scared, but excited. This video really sums me up, good job, because i don't know how you get this out of your head to explain so well.

love the new setup! But missed the kitty co host snoozing in the backgroud. Always eager to learn more about the INTJ brain to better understand my favorite person 🥹🥰🫶 thanks for doing what you do Jon!

I agree with you, and i really like how you verbalize this thing, that the negative trait of fe doesn't impact us. It's really true and i fell free because of that, compare to other person: they having hard time dealing with envy etc.

It's the Holiday Season, which is the time for us INTJs to learn how bad we are at Fe... once again.

Great videos! Thanks✨

Absolutely brilliant.

Everything is so spot on. How much time have you spend analysing yourself and having these monologues?!🤯 Fascinating 👏

Beautifully said💙💙

I always thought that having trickester Fe affects my social situations but on the flip side it helps me a lot , Great video! Can you do videos on all the shadow functions of INTJ ?

This is GOLD!

Actually yes, Fe is one of the biggest struggles in my life, if I hadn't this function I assume I would be in another whole place😔 Intjs lucky u guys 🍀🥺 I'm happy that I would be "adding a value" in my intj friend 🥺🧚🏼‍♀️

Love this video, find bits really funny, because they are so well described and explained, seems like pointing at me all the time. I have good friends telling me there were guys trying really hard to impressed but i didn't acknowledge them at all, not ignoring in purpose, but too focus on what I was doing. Not giving a damn towards social expectation and asked difficult questions have given my parents enough headache when i was younger. Like what was said in the video, at the same time what bothers most people don't affect me, I moved from country after country, 3 big moves to experience the world and achieve my dreams. So true you pointed out about different people I respect or like have different purpose for me, they serve different cognitive functions! Because of that I can point out easily why this person is good in certain ways but... as a result I don't worship or admire anyone like a god liked figure.

YES! I'm literally the most free spirited person I know. I'm so open minded and accepting and I make decisions that seem bold and outrageous to other people but I've actually thought them through in so many different angles. I've always never given a f*

Impressive.

Having low Fe is actually the root of my own personal problems.. great video

Thanks for the content sir

Well done. I am giggling at the "I love you" example, what to say? No matter what you say in such situation, it's going to be wrong to others. Given a bit of time, that spontaneous utterance will earn a wonderful recognition in some way.

Jon! How awesome I really understood you tonight for some reason. I love it when a plan comes together! Oh, never mind that saying. Its from an old 80s 90s show, The A Team. I'm pleased I completely got it and didn't have some things go over my head lol. My guy is such an INTJ whew! Something I have noticed as an INFJ is that INTJs are very correct when they think no one understands them. I can't understand what is so hard to know about them. They're the best next to INFJs ;) Anyway, great job tonight. I think you should consider a job teaching. I'd even bring you an apple ;)

Thx for pointing out differences with female intj (since there is also different upbringing and expectations of society) , pls continue to do so.

Fi is everything.. I found a friend just the same as me, at 70, and for the past 5 years, it's been a rollercoaster love in! INTJ-T both. The one person that ever understood me.

'Who's going to f*ing stop us' love it 😂. Fe trickster can be hard to understand for me (as Fe is so natural to me and Te not at all) so this helps! Yes I get how it feels like a waste of time to use the trickster function. Even for me with Te as the trickster, which means I'm generally not focused on being efficient in terms of my actions in the moment. Still I see using Te as a 'waste of time' because I KNOW I'm bad at it. So why even bother, I'd better use one of my other functions to solve my problems. Because of lack in Te people often see me as impractical, overly sensitive, and lacking in discipline since for me for example writing a book in my head feels like an accomplishment.. Even if it isn't in physical reality yet. I guess Te cares more about physical accomplishments. Problem is, for INFJs basically all of our logic is in our head. Fe Se is just.. vibing 😂. Interesting how you mention not caring much about people's opinions, that's impressive to me, almost hard to believe that it is so easy for you guys. Since it is something that can definitely slow INFJs down, the danger of becoming insecure and people pleasers.

I wish my other INTJs and other usually smart types like INTPs & INFJs would improve their relationship skills because lots of stuff is passed down from parent to offspring and we'll be doing humanity a favor by spreading our genes more. 😂

The hierarchy comment hit home. Same for the not being envious. So true.

I love this. I find so much of this to be relatable as an ISTJ, much more than I thought I would considering my demon Ni.

I feel like growing in a family of FE doms and secondaries has been rather beneficial to me as an INTJ. Being able to read people is still out of my reach, but seeing the good of the group as a net positive that sometimes even trumps the good of the individual from a TE-FI standpoint had definitely been a net positive in my life. I also appreciate them understanding that me being cooped up in my room with no lights, no heating, and thick curtains over the windows is actually optimal for my best intellectual performance and overall comfort. My room is known as The Cave. It's on the 2nd floor of the building. A point about envy btw. I used to be really envious of a childhood friend. He was the eldest son of a succesful pediatrician with seemingly all the money in the world. And us being kids, having the newest gadgets and clothes and foreign trips and a bathtub large enough for 10 people etc. made him The Man to know in our town. I was really envious of him, since, uncharacteristically for an INTJ, I wanted to be liked and part of the group. But coming from a poor family that lived in the middle of nowhere and being the awkward, bullied kid, I had nothing to offer. So I had to swallow all of these feelings, and do my best to keep living as I was. Move along a couple of years, and he got hit with narcolepsy during middle school, forcing him to abandon the hopes he had about becoming a pilot. Another few years, his dad died of a sudden uncurable disease, only a year after it was diagnosed. I am no longer envious of what he had back then.

Great insights here! I still don’t know what type I am for sure. I typed as an INFJ, but when reading into it, and listening to people who are INFJ, I can’t relate to Fe at all - it actually makes me a little uncomfortable. However, I do relate to Ni Se. It’s funny you said INTJs can be free spirits - my mother calls me little bird. About 6 years ago I told her I had left my job, and that I was moving to Ireland for an exchange programme in a few months (I am Brazilian). I only told her when everything was already done. I was 23, so an adult. A lot of people thought that it was crazy because it was so sudden, when in fact I had it all “planned out” since my early teens. I’ve wanted to study abroad. I am sure my mother understands though, she herself typed as an INTJ and I can definitely see the traits in her.

Sir, did you grow out of my hip? 😏 You are saying all the things I say in my own mind daily.

thanks for keeping it post

Can confirm this applies to me, up to and including packing up and moving abroad where I didn't know anyone. Especially liked your point around jealousy and milestones, especially because I'vehad people try to 'motivate' me with comparisons. Will pick up Ayn Rand; first time I heard someone talk about her in relation to anything other than Atlas Shrugged

Yeah, it’s a good social vetting device though. Helps you out who your real friends are very quick.

I love it here ❤😅

Bro, the things you talk made me think that you know more of me than I do

I moved again to chase after expanding my business, that I moved for initially, worth it. And yes certainly miss the friends and communities from each. Solution is to spend the time to fly in and visit.

had to rewind. i couldn't unsee Kat Williams mixed with Rasputin when you said papa Ni. 11:16

Oh. That explains why I never got jealous of my friends for having cool things or able to do things. Whenever I see them do something cool like type very very fast on the keyboard, I learned to type the way they do too then said "huh, look at me. I can do it too"

I love your content. I thought I'd leave this here because it might make you laugh (My results from the Sakinorva cognitive functions test) Ni - 46.2 Ti - 41 Fi - 35 Te - 27 Ne - 26.6 Si -15 Se - 15 Fe - 3

I love dogs. I’m particularly fond of how the Paiute regard the Trickster Coyote as the Creator of the Universe. I just never felt the need to “own” one. I do now, and I wait on him hand and foot. 😀

Lol, all of this is spot on

on point 👌

Wow. 20 min. of explaining myself to me. The only point of disagreement was Ayln Rand, I really disagree with her - it's not logically the best over the long run. But who's going to stop me? I will be water, not rock, when I encounter barriers.

@8:45 And that's why I like to label relationship or connection to give myself and the other person boundary. I have a relationship heirarchy chart, the closest you are at the bottom the less I care.

Nailed it!

can you make a video on isfjs? I can't decide if I'm one or an infp...also, great video. I have a hard time understanding and getting along with my intj friend

Yes, when I see the problems of the world around me I want to find ways to educate the public to value freedom, sound money, and the peace, prosperity, and good health that result. I want to help everyone help us all by ceasing to steal from each other via the ballot box, engaging in voluntary exchanges, and generally resuming the escape from poverty that came before the American experiment in free market capitalism. I see too much suffering to be content with hugs and sympathy cards. Look for Fe in life-saving and life enhancing innovations on a big scale. Leave the pats on the head to others (not saying they don’t help the individual).

I studied people’s behavior from the age of 5 to 14 years old. I was lucky to have siblings. I studied them and wore their attitudes and expressions until I decided what was useful and what was not. I only decided to do this to make friends. I didn’t have an urge to meet people until high school. So I used this information and decided to engage. In my opinion I was successful at 15. I made friends with three girls in my drama class. By the way, Ms. Rand was too black and white and lacked mature compassion. However, I did admire some of her rumination’s.

I got on a airplane at age 18 and left home for five years. Not because anything was wrong at home. I just had to go.

I just had my second internship . I stayed quiet most of the time and that was appreciated i prepared for 6 hours of talking about useless stuff. Instead i took mostly useless notes . Atlest smth good.(besides my future job and my entire career ofc)

Would love to hear some insight into this. I’m an INTJ. The first third of this video (speaking about not being able to read a room or other people’s emotions) is definitely not me. All the rest is a very good fix. I wonder if that specific trait (reading others) was something I had to develop early on for my own sake, and therefore it’s been very fine tuned and comes naturally now, or if I’m being mistyped. I’ve always turned out to be an INTJ on tests (I know that doesn’t say so so much)

It's funny how I tried to fit in so bad before to then just gave up because I looked like a clown for not being myself. Even though most of the time, I'm trying to do my usual "masking", my authenticity would still stand out the way to the point where I can't even control it lol. So yeah, Fe is very exhausting indeed.

My ISFJ sister calls me a bitch because i don't bitch and whine 24/7 like she does...like either fix your problems or move on...the bitching and whining is helping no one...that's my Fe advice 😅

I read Goggins's book, it's quite sad what a fuckton of unprocessed childhood trauma can do to a person. He's a good example for a lot of pathological tendencies stemming from it.

I think it's really hard to have fe as blind spot there is a big foucs on fe expectations, very hard to deal with.

To all INTJs - Sending love your way. -INFJ

My INTJ father loved his four children (including 2 INTJs) and never talked baby talk to us or any other child or dog. (He once said he was glad he had dogs before he had kids.). In short, he treated dogs, kids, and adults with equal respect. I grew up expecting the same from others. Besides, the Dog Whisperer says you should ignore the dog until it settles down and you can greet each other calmly. After all, Dad was raising adults. I agree “lack of emotional range” has nothing to do with it. But I’m an INTJ, too, so I don’t need to see and hear emotion to detect feelings from others. The other thing he did was to get down to a child’s level and talk face to face, listening and asking questions. You make me wish I had seen him with dogs more often, but my ISTJ mom had enough chaos from four children and didn’t want to add dogs. I imagine his childhood dogs would have been very lucky, without being infantilized, and shared a subtle communication style.

After rigorous analyzing I came to the same conclusion. Many problems I face or have faced are a result of undeveloped FE.

The psycho fur people (ugh) are such a great example!! 🤣

When i was in kindergarten my eyes were opened and saw the school system as prisons for children.

I am totally the dog person. It’s not my dog!

Thanks for the video Jon. I find the functions INTJs don’t like are becoming more important post covid to socialize due to isolation trauma. We can’t just “do our INTJ thing” and attract others like the old times, we need to learn Fe. What do you think? Any advice?

using Fe is also pretty exhausting to me, but i tend to exercise it frequently and willingly in the group setting for my own benefit (?); trying to match the vibe of the group so that i don't stand out too much, and make them feel like im part of the team/included (even though i couldn't care less about that, emotionally), which potentially leads them into thinking that my opinions should be taken into consideration, or that at least i can just have a say on something as an agreeable member :)) (only to find out that i disagree with most of their ideas, and lowkey try to convince half of them to change their minds, or take my side instead 🤡) although, i would do such thing only when I FEEL like (heh..typical Fi dom) my opinions could be really useful at the time, if not then i might just turn into a goofy clown who minds her own business.

Jon can you make a video about living with an INTJ romantic partner? My new husband is intj and I am learning how to navigate his very intense introversion as an enfj.

I am an INTJ, and I definitely treat my dog like a baby ❤

You remembered me when my intj classmate said that she don't understand why people get sad when there parents dying cuz that doesn't make sense to her 😭, it was rude listening to this talk but i always remind my self ( fe blind spot 😅)

Have other INTJs here connected the dots that we all display emotionally unavailability (but deep down we all crave human connection blah blah etc)?! Logic>emotion due to “intuition” isn’t the healthiest…I really wish someone would conduct a poll on INTJ vs attachment styles. I almost guarantee we’re all dismissive avoidants 🥴

I should pay you to be my therapist!! Oh my gosh only INTJs should counsel other INTJs!!!

Audio is low compared to others on RU-vid. Crank it! Can’t hear you on site

Unless your name is mom, or God... so true!

"Deodorant doesn't make scents!" Homonyms are more easily seen than heard/herded.

Bro thanks for reminding me I get none😂

I am sending this to my INTJ friend, I hope it helps her😞

yummy, my Ni thanks you

"Sitting in your room, listening to fallout boy, alone" Chill, No need to call me out so hard...

My INTJ brother has kids and now I'm worried

Can Ni Te seem to be like Ti? I am a young intj but my friends say that I am an istp so what are the difference between ISTP and INTJ?

Similar to your story - I had a girl sit in my lap, curl up, and nuzzle / kiss my neck. I realized she was flirting with me about 10 years later when I was recounting the story to someone else as “weird things that have happened to me”.

What I can’t understand is I’ve met some INTJ and they tend to reject MBTI. Makes no sense, they are dismissing what can help them massively.

13:42-18:53 Individuation

Thx uncle Jon Learn A bit FE for develop EQ stuff who intj default are bla bla BLA Intresting with The twin auntie fi and FE are dinamic duo

i love dogs and i really like kids, but i also don't want them to get friendly with strangers due to how scary society is. PS: for the poor intjs who love fashion - always get matching coloured pieces. know your wardrobe very well so you will always know what to get! usually all you need is different cardigans/crochet tops/knitted vests/mesh pieces, the inner clothing can always be the same. sneakers are your best friend but a good loafer can go a long way. ACCESSORIES are amazing!!!!!! u can make any outfit work if your accessories match any of your clothing!! and they're usually really cheap (at least in my country). if you're like me and love colourful clothes, greens and pinks are the best colours to go for as they match w a lot of other pieces, and they tend to tone down colours that may be too bright. hope this helps!!

Can an INTJ develop Fe to any appreciable level? Or is it a fool's errand?

8:42 It's so fucking true why in the world I would go to some relatives marriage who I don't even care about!!!

As a young intj i have a question for you. Have you ever had summer job as a teenager? Most of my friends have one and i feel weird. It's not like i don't want to work, but i find it boring. I would rather read 20 books about investments and i think it's more beneficial to me. What do you think?

no one fucking can stop us