This makes too much sense!! question: what do we do when we are in the circle seeking comfort and someone dumps? What if both people are going through hard times? How do we judge who needs it more? I usually just stay quiet and listen however I’m finding myself resentful at the people that dump on me but don’t comfort me.
I follow a formula. Step 1. Person 1 dumps and Person 2 comforts Step 2. Person 2 dumps and Person 1 comforts Step 3. Person 1 and 2 make connections between what they are both going through and help come up with plans to come out a winner in each situation, give positive affirmation Step 4. Check in on each other on how the plans are going and if the situation is improving at all Step 5. Come together and repeat
I just pinpointed something from your circle explanation. I ran into old neighbor at store. My dad and I mentioned my mom - my dad was in drive around cart so neighbor let him get out of hearing and said to me, "to tell you the truth I figured she had died" ... She acted sheepish in saying this. And there was no where to go in convo. My mom has been medically fragile for a long time..as her daughter, I'm not interested in hearing one, "figured she'd died." The neighbor should have waited to gossip that statement (if she just really had to get it off her chest) with someone else unrelated - not just let my dad get out of hearing.
Idea for a future video : How to not say the wrong thing because you've become frustrated. I often feel frustrated if I think that the other person isn't trying to listen to or understand me. When I feel frustrated I sometimes say things that aren't as tactful as I wish I had been. How can I keep from letting my frustration become destructive in communication?
I would suggest practicing on controlling your emotions. Since you already know the problem, you can focus on controlling your frustration, use a method to calm yourself while being aware of it, and know that you can communicate better when maintaining control instead of giving up that control to the other person
Hi Dr. Lambert, I had a question to ask. Hope you see this. I've caught myself, several times, making untimely and sometimes uncomfortable jokes with a group that typically jokes around a lot. I guess I was trying to mesh with the group but my social calibration hasn't been on par. When meeting a new group that you are trying to be a part of, and if they have inside jokes or really jokes that you may or may not entirely understand, what is the best approach there to contribute to the topic? Would be just to laugh along?
As just an average Joe here, I would NOT just laugh along. If it's an inside joke, they know you're faking it. You're already presenting yourself as a disingenuous person. I would start a new conversation that has to do with something in their joke, or just straight up ask about the joke if I've been hanging around these guys a while.
@@commanderwaddles3483 Asking about the joke can be a good move, but laughing along with others works well in my experience. As long as your laugh isn't over-enthusiastic (like a belly laugh) or faked. An inside joke is usually still recognizable as a joke, and humor doesn't always "make sense" (there are many stand-up comics who make great use of this) so I often find things funny enough to laugh or at least smile. People usually respond positively when they see me laughing with them. I suppose it works the same as mirroring, signaling that I'm at ease. Sometimes, if I find something funny but confusing, I'll laugh with an expression of confusion on my face. Often, someone will either explain the joke or make a comment that it's not important to understand.
The problem I have with the theory is that being comforting to those most affected is sometimes the wrong thing to do/(comforting words) say. Take for example infidelity. If your friend is crying because they got caught cheating, is it right for you to comfort them?
At least in the U.S., most people don't want truth, perspective, or even solutions when they're sad. They just want to know they're not alone. I morally cannot give that cheating friend hugs & a bunch of affection, but I will pat em on the back and say "Welp, let's go [insert activity here]. Come on." Helping them cope and being there for them while not justifying their behavior or reassuring them that they're a good person.
Hi! I went to the website to find out about the coaching program but there is no price in the course. Typically when this happens is because the price is too high for most people (even with payment plans, pay half now then the rest later, PayPal loans , credit cards etc etc ) Do you have a set price for the course ? I don’t want to be wasting your time and filling out an application that will lead to nowhere for both of us.
You’re right. I don’t list the price on the website. But the final question asked about your ability to make a deposit. This is a high-ticket coaching program. It’s meant for executives or people who have substantial resources to invest in their professional development. It’s not for everyone. If you have resource limitations, I suggest you just use my free material on the website, RU-vid, and TikTok.
I don't like the dump part of the ring theory. My approach is to listen and if I have to say something it something neutral otherwise it is just gossip. I don't like gossip, but that is just me.
The last 5 videos I recorded in a batch, and the microphone wasn’t properly connected. So I got audio from the camera mic. Sorry about that. Very frustrating to record 5 videos and have bad audio. It will get better again in future videos. But these days I’m mostly posting on TikTok.
Dude. Invest just two minutes to make a better drawing. Trace a paper plate to get a circle started or something. Looks like someone with Parkinson’s drew those rings
That’s a screenshot taken from the original article, dude. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/promoting-hope-preventing-suicide/201705/ring-theory-helps-us-bring-comfort-in
