How to Avoid Embarrassment: Understand Face-Threatening Acts 

I like how you honestly give examples of how you CAN embarrass yourself and how to avoid it. Most people say, "Just jump in there! Don't be afraid, you won't embarrass yourself!". Yes... you can and you probably will

Ohno, now I see why I upset and annoy people or turn them off. My Covert Narcissist mother taught me the opposite. At 43yo, I must reparent everything I know. Sigh. Thank you! 🙂

Thanks for this.I have aspergers and I'm trying to learn how to socialize better.These videos are helpful

A lot has to do with the relationship. A friend vs relative vs stranger vs coworker. Above all normally adjusted people want a genuine exchange, even if it's not the most comfortable.

Wow. These concepts are so cool. I’m an especially solitary person and recently I’ve been having threats to both my negative and positive faces relative to a couple of interactions with my general practitioner. I’m in the process of trying to restore both forms of face, but they’re not cooperating. It’s like a combination of belligerence and indifference. Usually I only have this level of obstinance when I’m duking it out with an attorney. This is worse because at least when I’m dealing opposing counsel, we already know it’s an adversarial relationship, not a fiduciary one. But when someone is _supposed_ to be treating you with kindness and respect and instead are treating you with cruelty and disrespect, it’s a bit maddening. The lack of a response is quite troubling. Four days ago, I sent an email asking for a simple piece of information I’m entitled to receive, but they won’t furnish it. They seem to be engaging in some kind of psychological warfare. But why? I don’t know. On the one hand, they’re verbally demanding I come back to the office to ‘go over the results,’ but I told them if they don’t supply me this one piece of information first, I’m not coming in. In my email, I provided all kinds of supporting documentation why I’m entitled to have this information - upon demand - but they won’t yield. So it’s a battle of the wills. The main club they’re bashing me over the head with is my prescription. THEM: “Either come into the office, or we won’t renew your prescription.” ME: “Please furnish me [X] information, and then I’ll come in.” So it’s a big time showdown. If they won’t furnish the information, I’m either going to have to go off the prescription or else go down to Tijuana where you don’t need a prescription. I live more than 100 miles away from the border, so it’s not exactly convenient. But I’m just not going to give in to their pressure campaign.

Thank you for this video, I'm a Chinese English major student, and your video really helps me a lot in my Pragmatics final!!!

Dear Bruce Lambert, I`m writing to let you know that thanks to one of your videos (Participation Framework by Erving Goffman) I have passed a final exam. I had to deliver a presentation and your explanation was crucial for me to understand the concept. I really appreciate your work. Regards, Hugo de Andreotti. (Argentina, University of La Plata). I`m a student of English and Literature Teaching Course.

''The social world is a minefield'' I like that one.

I have blindly stumbled on this aspect of communication quite often. I am glad I found this explanation and hope to improve on my sensitivity of face work

This is a huge topic with so much nuance. Every culture and social tier have variations on face. Even the words in different languages! I hope that you will explore this topic further in future videos. Your thoughts and analysis of these subjects is very interesting and thought provoking. Ty

As a master student of Applied Linguistics, this video benefits me a lot. Kudos to you, professor!

You literally saved my life with your video. I’m studying it in my Pragmatics subject and I couldn’t understand it well enough with my book. Now I see it crystal clear!! Thanks so much Professor.

Im an American that was stuck in thier parent's bubble so I dont know some social norms which is really interesting..... love ur videos.

This is a great example of a concept being put in words. Putting concepts into words gives dimension to the concepts.

I think overthinking is real. How can one not go crazy caring so much about what others think.

So very helpful. Thank you!

wow!!! very clear, very informative and well supported with real life examples

This was incredibly helpful in understanding the concept of positive and negative face. Thank you.

Very eye-opening. Thanks for explaining the structure that lies under communication.

Thank you dr. The way you explained the subject was more than satisfying.

Thank you for such an elaborate explanation! Everything's clear to me now.

OMG living a life afraid to be your self just to save face all the time is ridiculous. Not unless you’re at your job interacting with clients or your boss. But if you’re around family or friends I believe people should be themselves. And also understand that no one is perfect. I prefer to be around people that are being their real selves and not fake just to seem perfect. What’s the saying “to love me is to know me”, the real me with all the imperfections. I also trust a person that reveals their true self and says what they really are thinking. Realistically you can’t expect everyone to like you, that’s just not possible.

Thank you! As a young business owner it helps a lot.

Such an underrated video. Thank you.

Finally information i can implement. Thank you! 🤗

Thank you for your excellent explanation !

Thank you! That was veryy helpful

Wow this is so enlightening! I never thought of the negative face aspects…

You're an absolutely thorough Teacher. Thank you so much for taking your time and expertise to coach me through a very critical point in my life.

thank you. this is so well explained and easily absorbed. please dont ever stop making these videos! salaam from Indonesia.

Thank you, very helpful.

This is some strong coffee. Navigating human interactions is like navigating a minefield and I am looking for my feet(and my "mask") Just more introspective homework to do 💣🦶👀🦶 Kvetching bcuz being human sometimes feels like too much work BUT as the saying goes: "when the student is ready,the teacher appears"

Thank you for video. Good video.

Very well spoken and thorough examples

Thank you so much for your great video!! You explain well and really helps me with my final presentation. Again, thank you! An English major from China.

This is so interesting. I come from a culture where people don’t put a lot of emphasis on social cues, emotional intelligence and conversational tactics. What Bruce says makes a lot of sense. I’ve been living overseas for 10+ years and I’m still learning.

Thank you for the video and clear explanation :D. Because of the pandemic, my class are all online now and your video really help me understand my syllabus. I'm always missing classes because of my internet connection. A big thank you from Malaysia

You are a perfect air-reader!

I learned something new, thank you sir great video

Truly top content mate, thanks. Very skilled communicator.

Now I understand why I get so upset when people perceive any part of my appearance (shoes, a bag…) as incongruous. It’s because I have lost face. Often this triggers my fight or flight instinct and I respond by verbally reacting to noticing their noticing in attempt to prove that I’m aware of my fashion faux pas. This is never enough to save face, and often just makes matters worse.

Thank you very much for this explanation,sir

so helpful!

Very informative and interesting video, thanks a lot! Could you please do a video on intimidation and how to (professionally) diffuse conflict situations when you're being attacked? And also, what do you think is the best thing to do after having lost face in a really traumatic way and not being able to repair the damage? A year later I still feel my negative face is damaged by the judgement and intimidation I got as a result of my mistakes. Thanks in advance!

And now u r helping me with my media ASSIGNMENT, thanks a lot

i have social anxiety thank you so much for this as a 21yo thank you so much

Excellent videos sir. Helped me a lot with my sociolinguistic exam tomorrow. 🙏🏻🙏🏻

I think the Golden Rule is pretty much the simple standard if you're truly concerned with getting along with people. It's easy to remember, and you already feel it intuitively if you're not a complete psychopath.

Very useful

Sometimes other people willing set you up to completely demolish both your positive and negative face in one fell swoop. I sort of thought you were gonna touch on that. Malicious, premeditated and orchestrated ambushes to face. In that case it’s, _“Fool me once? Shame on you. Fool me twice? Shame on me.”_

A lot of people will rebel against this by saying "I can't just be myself then!" or "I like it when people are just honest" (in reality they actually don't) but what they really mean is that they just want to keep on being jerks and inconsiderate of others. Good luck in the world and dealing with others with that attitude.

That s great. Thank u so much Sir and I d like to read your articles about politeness theory and pragmatics. Nowadayes I am looking for topics for my thesis and my main interest is pragmatics. I am from Iraq.

Do you have any videos explaining how to deal with narcissistic people who purposely attempt to threaten face? Thanks. Amazing video!

Fantastic video! Do you have any tips for ways to approach face-threatening situations with more polite language?

If one is autistic, there are several ways in which social cues are often challenging. Being kind isn’t always clear. Even language can be taken literally, when it often is figurative. How do you recommend that we practice, so that we get the “correct face”?

Thank you Sir. You helped me in my exam. You explained them much easier than my professor, I share it with my classmates. Thank you

Fascinating stuff, do you have a reading list on this subject? This is the first video (certainly not the last) of yours I have watched

Hello. Thanks for those amazing vedios but I am still confused concerning (if clause) with a sentence like (if you have a fever, seek medical care.) Will it be negative politeness - - be direct strategy or dont assume/persume strategy or will it be off record. Because if clause is involved in all these strategies so how can I know???

Very informative and interesting . Being from NY where most people are brutally honest excetra are politeness is lacking . I read in other cultures like in Honduras people will not be brutally honest , their taught to even lie to not hurt a persons feeling ? I for some reason feel if someone asks me if let’s say there new haircut looks good , I would naturally tell them the truth . Meaning yes I like it or no it looks terrible . YIKES !!!

I’m confused. It sounds like if I say “thank you” or invite someone to dinner or compliment them I’m going to cause them to lose face. Where are the solutions for communication or existing in society if one cannot say thanks as it is offensive? Oddly enough, there are a ton of people in the comments saying thank you for this video, which would seem to cause the poster to lose face I was recently in France where you are constantly required to say thank you, so this must be an American thing

Now I know WHY I avoid all human contact.

i was watching this is 1 step less slow speed and it run pretty smoothly in normal phase ,,,,,

Good day sir, I'm the one who's assigned to report about Politeness Theory by Brown and Levinson in our Discourse Analysis class next week but I'm having a hard time with the "FTA", is there a politeness included during FTA? By the way, thank you for this video, now I understand the 2 aspects of face. I'm a student of Technical Teacher Education Course major in English.

I knew some awful person who would promise to share his hypothetical lottery winnings. Talk about a cheap promise... a cheap empty promise that implied that now I owed him something

I think humor can help a lot in interpersonal Relations. Do you have a video on that?

Please do a talk on how to deal with someone who dominate conversations and pretty well expects everyone to be an audience.

Accepting compliments doesn't automatically indicate bragging, I feel that it depends on how we accept it. If we say thank you with a hair flip and smug eyes 😅 then yes for sure it comes off as bragging. But if ww just modestly say thank you, in a thankful tone, more closed/humble face and body language, then it indicates appreciation towards the other person

This is such an amazing video Sir! Hope you could suggest a master's thesis topic using this theory! Thankyou 🙏🙏

I would like to know how to. Explain how the speaker calculate the size of fta, ( power, distance..) thank you

…so, to be aware of when my words are not helpful, I need to be mindful of 1) when the situation commands work to be done, and 2) the fleeting expressions on their faces that suggest discomfort, and shifts in body language? Otherwise, If I try to “think” through all of these rules, probabilites, and conditions as they relate to “Face”, I would be second-guessing myself and emanating stress.

If apologies are so hard to make for you, You gotta “sit down and be Humble” kendrick Lamar

Okay recieving a gift, offer to go on a trip has recently made feel a threat my negative face. As if I'd rather be left alone than be offered this gift. Strange because it is a nice offer. Also what about when kid play around in the school yard daring each other, that is rarely polite but is often fun for everyone involved. Promises, requests are things I think I need to make to be a better person, any advice on how to make them?

Now I know why I hate being thanked

A long time friend of mine constantly invites me over . She is extremely negative . I have made excuses ex doctors appt errands ect . But it’s a daily invite . Omg what to do ? Actually I’m 52 we went to high school together lost touch then reconnected on FB she drinks I don’t she’s married I’m not … omg !

How does ending a suggestion or advice email get affected by ending it with, “No response is necessary.”, or the like?? Helpful?

Question, if we stumble a lot when we speak because of nervousness which embarrasses us... I am signing up for Toastmasters, but is there anything I can do in the moment after it happens to lessen the face threat I caused?

Would you say that threats to the speaker's postivie face are therefore threats to the hearer's negative face and threats to the speaker's negative face are also threats to the hearer's positive face ?

thank you for this video, it was very structured and clear on the content. i have a question - for negative face threats of the speaker, the excuses and acceptance of offers situation, couldn't the case be made that the speaker is then a hearer and thus is a negative face threat to the hearer? i'm not sure if this question makes sense haha. i would really appreciate an answer, but of course, there's no obligation!

Why do I feel like I threaten face every time I talk to my sisters?

This is so clear. Crazy clarity. But the politeness can conflict with trying to deepen a relationship.

Terrifying!

Gee whiz! What CAN you say in conversation? I have so much to learn 😔

This is too much for me. It seems everything that's said or done threatens someone,and who are all these people who want to be left alone?

So…it seems to me that posing a question or statement to someone via text or email that doesn’t get responded to, very likely could mean they don’t have the linguistic skills necessary to actually respond……or they are just being disrespectful…..

Drinking challenge: Whenever he says Left alone

Accepting compliments threats both negative and positive face.

So if I am not humble does it mean that I’m a narcissist 🤔? Being strait forward with people will hurt them even when I’m saying something nice to them? Society is deeply mentally ill and we all need help for day to day communication in order not to hurt someone ? Can someone kindly please explain 😅❤

TLDR ??Plsss

Currently searching for a video about how to be more honest instead of lying to save other peoples face all the time lol

*joker voice* All I have is negative face.

One way to better communicate is going directly to the point, and rapidly, instead you lose your audience…

My gf at any restaurant after my indecisive *ss has made a menu decision: “Are you sure you want that? What about this?” 🤦🏻‍♂️ I hate it. Especially when we go out to eat with others!

so i am supposed to threaten their negative face in order to keep conversation going

i have a lot of negative face

🟩🟩🟩🟩These issues are common problem inside Starbucks and places where u visit daily,,,in project ppl get shot for that 🟥🟥🟥

Un saludito pa mi profe jorge luis chochera

Okay I get it no talking …..

He took 18 minutes to tell you: be polite to others.

So how am I being polite? For example, how to I give a polite compliment? Though I get, that awareness is the most important thing to train here, maybe it's even better to not have specific actions in mind for specific situations?

Is it weird that how close you are to the camera makes me feel really uncomfortable?