Love that a "ladylike bobby" includes being an art enthusiast but not being an artist itself. Yeah you can LOOK at the art but if you pick up the damn pencil you will be smited down
It's because painting is for boys. There are no great female painters after all, right? A woman wouldn't dain soil her fingers or clothing *eyerolling so hard I can see my brain*
@@Medusa_The-Bard I agree, it looks like at least 65 one-handed and 80 in archery, she must be at least level 7 and that’s if she didn’t level light armor
"When I was growing up, being ladylike seemed less about getting well-mannered and more about adults having an excuse to yell at you over things that boys could get away with" jeez, how could you describe my childhood THAT accurately
Dang, guess I’m lucky then. Got muddy all the time as a kid, never got in any more trouble for it than my brother. Although, my parents also never got upset when my brother wanted to join us girls playing and got his nails painted, so maybe they were just good at avoiding gendering children’s play.
How is ARCHERY considered a lady-like hobby? They keep saying “Women have to be dainty and elegant.” Yet archery is the exact opposite of dainty and elegant.
Most of those hobbies I honestly wouldn’t consider “ladylike”. Because I assume “ladylike” as a hobby means “sit still, look pretty, be polite, and make good conversation”. Also, don’t ever show to anyone you are a human being with bodily functions who can experience strong emotions.
As a former horse girl, I can confirm getting dirt all over my clothes and falling off a giant animal because it saw a leaf is the most ladylike thing you can do 😌
As someone who has gardened once in his life, and never want to do it again... It is also a very ladylike activity to be covered in mud and sweat, wearing disposable clothes.
as an equestrian, i entirely agree. i’ve especially gotten many compliments of how ladylike i look while trudging through knee high mud and manure to fetch my horse from his field, knowing full well he’s been rolling in his own filth 🥰
As a *male* equestrian, I can confirm galloping around trash cans on a 1200+ pound animal without dying or getting bucked off is the most *ladylike* thing.
As the daughter of a long line of farmers and gardeners, gardening done right is definitely getting your hands and fingernails and clothes dirty as fuck and sometimes cut and loving it.
As a former ballerina, I can confirm that immense pain, body-shaming, tears, slamming pointe shoes into the wall to break them in, and hair loss is super elegant!
I was surprised when she didn’t mention sewing as an “elegant” hobby but then I realized rich people probably pay others to sew, and never sew themselves
Needlepoint is ladylike. Practical sewing is the work of seamstresses, who as we know are all likely to have to resort to compromising their virtue in order to make a living anyway, and will inevitably die of consumption.
Gardening is super ladylike. If you only have to lightly prune some flowers in a sundress, while your paid gardener does all the work in the background
Homegirl was imagining gardening as just watering flowers and smelling them ✨elegantly✨. Not pulling out weeds, planting seeds, getting dirt on your clothes or swearing at the bugs for infesting your tomatoes lmao 😭
@@jollop I was kind of assuming thru most of it that she had something helping the books stay on her head, but at the tree part I was like "wait, this seems like it would be difficult regardless"
As someone who danced for 13 years, actual ballet classes are FAR from elegant 😭 we spent most of our time with a teacher slamming a cane on the floor with the sound of a gunshot to get us to keep beat with the song, and sweating our asses off. Ballet is not all classical music and dainty arms, it’s a grueling sport that takes a lot of hard work and dedication.
@@MeowMeow_95_ I don’t know if you’re a dancer or not but that’s. No. Ballet dancers are often stick thin mainly because of the beauty standards of the industry; eating disorders were basically expected. The so called amazing body was from skipping meals and trying to live off of water and ice.
i love that she ends every video with “i’m gonna call it there guys” befor the video colapses in on itself and becomes a black hole. she truly is shielding us
Love how baking is considered elegant. Yeah, you don't have to tell me I look ladylike when I'm covered with flour on every inch of my exposed skin, burn marks from the oven, and I'm swearing at the pastries for daring to not look like the recipe. I already know.
I am Dutch and I mainly curse when I have to, but when I do, I do it well. A while ago I made caramel (or tried) and a spatula decided to roam free and I got the caramel on my fingers. I swear, I hadn't screamed like that in a long time. Shortly described, I howled; "Goddamned-typhoid-tubercolosis-shitty-bollocks-cunt-mess!" and then just the F-word in a row for the following half-hour. I sucked on my hand, which caused me to burn my lips as well, so I just jumped up and down and cried as the caramel was oozing across the stove and (where it splattered across the) storageboxes with food, the wall, the floor, the refrigerator, the cabinets and the counter. The burned smell, the hardened caramel, the sticky mess, the wet blisters oozing woundmoisture... I can assure you, it was the most feminine I've ever felt.
@@lunchbooooox It was, but I felt very feminine while I cleaned it.... ..okay I can't keep this story up, yes it was shit xD Especially when it half-hardened and scrubbing it with a sponge just made the caramel get plastic-hairy (from the sponge) and I had to soak it with wet cloths everywhere.
So real, baking makes me so ladylike With the mild burn scars on my fingers cause I grabbed a pan without an oven mitt. Or when I got brownie batter on my face and looked like I had been bleeding
This is so performative and I can't even imagine how exhausting it must be. Even when you're home alone, or engaging in your hobbies... It would just drain me to thinks of these roles 24/7. I feel like people who live in this world need a hug.
“performative” is the perfect descriptor for this! reminds me of the feminist studies on the subject of femininity as a constant performance. it’s heartbreaking tbh
Just in case it wasn’t clear, this performance of elegance is for men. It’s to increase your chance of getting picked. And the fact that it even extends to hobbies and time in private just expresses how the pick-me mindset goes beyond just performing in front of men to be picked - it’s about existing that way even in their absence because we don’t exist for ourselves, but for them. You can’t behave or dress or like what you actually like even in private because the male gaze should occupy your mind even then. Because you exist FOR them. Crazy that this has been a thing for so long
@@sitoe9858 I'm curious, where did you get those ideas from? In certain parts fo the world etiquette may have been traditionally associated with women, but the truth is that both men and women of higher class and nobility were expected to adhere to proper etiquette. It's not just about putting on a performance to attract a partner - it's always been a way to demonstrate one's social status and educational background. These Tiktok videos, while entertaining, don't provide an accurate representation of what the real etiquette classes look like.
Any time I've ever said "excuse me, I'll be right back" and didn't specify that I was going to the bathroom, everyone was concerned that something had upset me. When I got back I got a million "IS EVERYTHING OKAY". Very sweet of my friends to care, but definitely drew a lot more attention than I would have if I had just said "brb bathroom".
Plus I’ll also know the last place you were or are supposed to be incase you go missing or an emergency happens. Anything can happen in todays world that’s why I always tell people where I’m going even if it’s for 2 minutes.
I’m way to shy to even speak up so whenever I need to leave a room I just run out of there at top speed without telling anyone, everyone understands not to ask me anything when I get back because I’ll run away again
The idea of gardening being an “elegant” hobby absolutely sent me. Yeah I bet sweating in the 90 degree summer heat with your bangs bobby pinned back and face covered in patchy sunscreen, covered in dirt and dressed in your absolute least fashionable clothes is super ladylike and poised. I know I look so elegant when I’m crawling under stairs to weed poison ivy and swearing at the plants for having the audacity to exist.
But really, the type of classist people who would be talking about etiquette and looking elegant would be rich people who don't really do the hard work. Horse-riding? You bet your a$$ they only show up to ride the horse and then leave the manure shoveling, feeding and cleaning the horse, etc. to the stable lad. Gardening? That probably means frolicking in the garden smelling the floors and not much else... The hired gardener does the work.
They probably think gardening is watering plants elegantly from tiny cute watering cans and moving an already potted plant into a beautiful outside container without getting any dirt on them and finishing it off by sitting near the plants elegantly or stuff. Other stuff is actually done by the gardener, the way elegant (aristocratic) ladies acrually do back then
I have a feeling their gardening is much more, choosing where in the garden the rose bushes and lillies are going to be planted, and handing a detailed plan over to their gardener. Just like with the equastrianism, buy a horse and house it at the stable, come ride it and brush it's mane sometimes while the stable hands are the ones carrying bails of hay and shoveling poop out of pens.
Pretty sure it‘s from the time where rich ppl brought home exotic ferns in edwardian cases from their ‚explorations‘. And yes, women were only allowed to keep ferns as any other plants were deemed too „phallic“ for them…
my grandma used to tell me i wouldn’t get a boyfriend because i wasn’t ladylike enough, it always upset me that she cared more about me getting a boyfriend than how i felt
@@Ashton8844 Oh, yes, explains a lot. My brother is trans too and no family member knows cause we were sadly born into a transphobic family and it bothers me that she calls my brother ber "daughter". Me personally, I'm just a boy who likes crossdressing🥲👍
@@Abra_Dabra i would literally never tell my family im trans it is so terrifying, im sorry ur family is like that too, rlly sucks that people are more willing to be hateful than to accept others
Life hack: When excusing yourself to go to the restroom, simply state, “Pardon me, I’m going to go sit and think.” Then, you are not only ladylike but you are also the most elegant philosopher that ever existed
@@willieearles3151 I just think acting "elegant" and "classy" is just embarassing when you put down others while doing that. Lady is also used for elegant women in general, that's why I mentioned it
The main thing I took from the multiple etiquette classes I was put in is that etiquette is supposed to be about making the other person feel comfortable. So the whole tiktok trend just seems excessive and an excuse for mean girls to put down other women.
I'll never forget when I realized I, a country bumpkin, have more class than my rich family(i wasn't raised with them, long story). Tldr, I did something embarrassing on complete accident at a wedding. Every last one of them fled the table and made me sit alone embarrassed. Imagine my shock when I took etiquette classes and realized my instinct to help someone in that situation is considered classier than this "everyone makes 6 figures and wants for nothing" family.
i bet these ladies will faint as soon as they see the posture and clothes itself that we need to wear/maintain during skiing, also i always kinda thought of skiing as a bada$$ sport
hobbies, uh? I remember, around six months ago, where I told a friend of mine that I like to write small stories in my free time. He then told me that he is not impressed and that I should find more suitable hobbies for myself because writing apparently was not only out of my league and hard, but also a sign that I wanted attention. I still write stories, I think I got a little better, and I don't speak with that friend anymore
@@beidousimpd5309 well I don't think I'll ever actually publish them, I can tell the plot (I took inspiration from "The Owl House & Amphibia"): a girl is teleported in another world along her friend, but they separate. Her goal is not only to find her friend, but also go back to earth. During her journey, she finds out that not only she's not the first person to come in this world, but that she was actually summoned, though the guy who summoned her wanted to call someone else. Anyways they go back to earth, eventually the guy who summoned these two girls goes back to the other realm (he comes from earth as well) and frees the world from the emperor, who wanted to use the grimoire this guy is currently using to do stuff, to invade other universes. Before the final fight against the emperor, he discovers that he was summoned by an higher being to restore balance, so he's basically fulfilling his destiny. The two girls then come back to the realm and receive powers by this being, together they defeat the emperor and come back, but since the world is about to collapse (this was the emperor's last curse before d34th), the boy decides to stay and sacrifice himself in order to keep the portal open, so that his two friends come back to this world. The only thing he asks is for them to tell his mother he loves her and he's sorry he's left her. The story ends with the two girls going to the guy's house and deliver to her mother the message. Now the story is pretty summarized, I skipped the developing parts of the characters and the week they spend together on earth, the part where the guy finds the "higher being", but I hope I did a good explaining (I have two more but they're longer, plus another one I'm currently working on).
@@beidousimpd5309 I just realised that I wrote the plot of one of my stories in answer to your comment but it did not register so there's actually no answer
Important etiquette rules for a lady: 1. A lady does not shit in the restroom, a true lady shits on your scrapbook. 2. A lady doesn't dirty her hands eating cheetos, instead pour the contents of the bag directly into your mouth. 3. Put cyanide in your husbands food to make it look like a heart attack, be so consumed with grief that you never marry another man and spend the rest of your days with your handmaiden in your deceased husband's expansive estate.
I had an ex that made fun of a gal for grocery shopping in her pajamas. I said to him "have you ever thought that perhaps she does not care what you think" and he looked shocked, like he had never even considered it. Now I grocery shop in my pajamas whenever I can.
@@yaaassbitch8704 ah men are fine. And increasingly so, I think. But there are certainly times and places and people that refuse to use their good logic
This is literally just : how to get social anxiety 101 Step 1 : Always worry about your appearance and how people think about you Step 2 : Review every single one of your actions to keep this appearance Step 3 : Do it inside your own home to have even more anxiety !
It's disingenuous to say that the 3rd one is bad, the advice is essentially "be clean and tidy" (though the one about drinking out of bottles is odd I must admit), but that's a useful piece of advice for anyone, it's scientifically proven to be helpful for a clearer and happier state of mind, and it's not something that only women are told, men are told that all the time too, it's one of the main things Jordan Peterson talks about. I understand that some people don't want to do that and want to relax at home, which is fine too, but belittling legit information doesn't seem right to me.
As a former equestrian I can confirm that being thrown into a T-Post and nearly dying from getting trampled because the horse saw a leaf is the most ladylike hobby
The “ballet class is elegant” thing killed me given that i rolled up there today in like four layers, oversized tshirt and sweats as the top layer, and *gasp* sneakers. The only thing i ditched to start the class was the sneakers. Performing is elegant af and rehearsals require leotards and skirts and such but for class most of us call it a good day if our clothes match. Also we sweat something awful regardless because ballet is HARD.
Especially if you take adult classes. I did ballet all the way through highschool and we had a dress code. I picked it back up again recently as an adult and they don't give a fuck what you wear anymore.
I mean, that's true for most of the things she listed. They are hard and require a great deal of skill and work. I think what's happening here is the packaging of things that are actually totally fine in infantalizing wrapping paper because society has to denigrate the things that women like
That got me, too. No actual dancer is that TikTok ballet core stereotype. She has so clearly never performed any of the hobbies she listed in the video
You're lucky, we all had to wear the exact same thing, black leotard and white stockings, if someone wore something different, they'd make such a drama out of it and kick you out of the class.
My ballet teacher always used to say she couldn't tell if we were using the right technique if we didn't have just the basic leotard and tights on, though we were allowed to wear a sweater if it was cold. Don't really miss doing classes, though quitting cold turkey did fuck my body up a bit lol
Hearing parents regularly sigh and asking you, "how are you gonna get a husband?" whenever you didn't want to wash dishes or sit in a way that un-ladylike when you were literally children is CRAZY
Bonus points if they are divorced and ESPECIALLY if there's a history of abuse (be it in the family or communities everyone is familiar with) and wonder why their own kids aren't interested in getting married.
My father would literally say to me (rather, scream to me, with full pure hatred in his voice), when I was 4 or 5 years old: "You're a DISGRACE of a WOMAN!!! Nobody will EVER love you!!!! You will be a divorcee!!! No MAN will EVER want YOU!!!". So... I did listen to him in the end. I didn't marry a cis man and we've been happily together for 20 years and counting.
The “riding horses makes you lose your virginity” is kind of true as it can break your hymen, but like that literally doesn’t matter at all lmao. Literally like falling or hitting your crotch on something a little too hard can break it too
Yup . Besides some women retain their hymen even after their first intercourse . So the presence of the hymen is a very bad criteria to decide if that person is a virgin or not , and being a virgin shouldn't even matter.
You know that your hymen isn’t supposed to break at all ever? 😂😂 Hymens don’t break, they are thick af and stretchy, nothing breaks during the intercourse…
exactly, stretching/doing yoga and riding a bicycle can also apparently break it as well, or using tampons. It's not a clear indicator of who's a "virgin" or not tbh
Ah yes, as an avid gardener, I fully agree with her list of hobbies. I’m out here in no bra, messy bun, dirt/cow s*** caked under my nails, dodging wasps and covered in mosquito bites, all with a runny nose because also…allergies. So graceful, so elegant 👸
I think there's an important distinction between "art enthusiast" and "artist." Being an artist is messy, certainly un-ladylike, whereas being an enthusiast means you just have to sit back and determine what is "good" art and what is "bad," and especially which pieces to decorate your super classy and tasteless home with. Another commentor mentioned that gardening is really hard, dirty, messy work, not just deciding which plants you want in your garden and hiring someone else to do it.
People who hire prof. gardeners often don't even specify the plants. They just say what kind of style and maintanance level they want and if it should be producing food or not.
Having been part of a communal garden myself, I just took it for granted gardening is kind of "dirty" and wouldn't even assume other people dont get it. But I dont think its directly gross. Im also an artist like actually paint on a regular basis and have even had my artworks at small scale art exhibitions a couple times. Painting creates a lot of mess and spilling on your clothes is almost certain to happen at some point, so its recommended to not use the nicest clothes you have (which is were it would get "un-lady-like"), but you can if you want. People restrict themself way too much if they can never do anything you wouldn't do in fine clothes
@@josefstalin9678 would say it's slightly different. The examples you've mentioned is forming a plan and executing said plan. The difference between artists and art enthusiasts is that it's planning/executing and simply supporting the projects indirectly by being a big consumer, respectively.
I was a Master Gardener for a few years and it is a lot of work shoveling soil and propagating plants and transplanting seedlings and planting, digging etc. All outside in the sun with bugs. :) My mother in law used to just have a gardener come do her front yard then talk about "her" flowers. Meh.
as a former ballet dancer i can confirm we are all so elegant and our studios 100% do not smell like feet and we definitely always have perfect posture and we never fall, it’s obviously the most ladylike thing you can do
The amount of back and core strength ballet dancers have makes me think it's the type of sport where you go home and die on the couch after every rehearsal.
can i just stress my appreciation for the “chAD time” thing in the corner whenever there’s an ad so i know how many times to fast forward and how long the ad’s gonna be?! like thank you that’s so helpful no one else does that and also nice pun
I legit took etiquette classes(at my grandmother's behest) so that I could have a debutante like she couldn't afford for her daughters. I did it to make her happy but even the instructor made it clear, "no woman is forever perfect, but please do your best in public". These women are trying to delude themselves into being princesses.
That sounds like my grandmother as well. She always makes comments when we're going out in public or when guests are going to be around, but mostly leaves us alone at home unless we're doing something particularly unpleasant to her (i.e. slurping the last drops of a drink through a straw or something 😂). Feels like the only way to realistically live with the "elegance" pressure!
I took etiquette classes myself as a means to help my poor social skills due to autism. I didn't and still don't understand the reasoning behind half the stuff I was expected to do, but it does make one feel oddly powerful when you can make someone warm up to you by sitting or speaking a certain arbitrary way. I think these ladies have fallen for their own illusion.
The most ladylike thing you can do is break all your bones and show to your friends how you were so delicate and fragile as a lady that you shattered into pieces
Ah yes, the elegant hobby of digging in the dirt, bending into uncomfortable positions to make sure the seeds are at the right depth, lugging watering cans around, wearing stained gloves, and fighting insects. ✨ Ladylike ✨
Obviously she meant rich people gardening, not actual gardening, which involves telling the underpaid servants what to do in the garden while you faff about on a horse, or whatever else it is rich people do with their time.
Literally just typed out a very similar comment…then scrolled and saw this 🤦♀️😂 But yes…nothing says elegant like dirt and cow s*** caked under my nails. So fancy!
The one about “things elegant ladies never do at home” had me WHEEZING as I was watching the video in my cluttered kitchen wearing a bleach stained shirt drinking soda out of the bottle. Literally checked all the boxes 😂😂😂😂
as someone who has been doing ballet for 11 years. the only time we are ever ✨eLeGaNt✨ is when we're on the actual stage. Theres nothing aesthetic about sweating and bleeding so much you could fill a swimming pool, getting bunions and blisters, dancing on top of your toes with little padding and moving in ways humans aren't supposed to BUT making it look easy, eating disorders, and verbal abuse from teachers.
@@mcboingboingsister6258 oh yes and ofc The beautiful fully fallen out(ripped out) toenails during practice and then The taped nailless toes, continued practice with toeshoes is My favourite ✨aesthetic✨and sorry of My writing errors im little in hurry ( and dyslexia+ english is 3rd language)😭 ❤️
Funny how this works, my mom pays a lot of attention to „ladylike” looks - the result is I wear metal band t-shirts and yoga pants, and my sis exlusively male coded clothing
@@commandercorl1544 absolutely not. There are plenty of men who love tomboys. I dated one when i was 14. We're both in our early twenties now and she still hasn't transitioned into a man. Just because a woman isn't traditionally feminine, doesn't mean she'll become a man😅😂
There's someone I follow on youtube who talks a lot about lady-like behavior, but she ALWAYS makes sure to say that being lady-like isn't a necessity, and that if you don't want to be traditional feminine, you still deserve just as much respect, and I love that. I hate being told that acting like a "woman" is the only way to get love
Yes, agreed, many don't "need" to act this way. But the thing that irked me the most about this video is the covert way in which Chad Chad just doesn't acknowledge that these are videos for WOMEN, who CHOOSE to be more ladylike, not for kids. Instead she's twisted the whole thing and its like this is meant to shame women who like the idea of etiquette or embrace traditional feminine rules of social presence. The whole time, she just made crappy, unfunny jokes instead of thinking critically beyond Cristian upbringing and patriarchy.🙄😒 How can women say they "support and uplift other women" when they have this gross rhetoric that anything "hyper-femenine" or "traditional" is inherently bad? Not to mention there's PLENTY of trans women who embrace hyper-femenine mannerisms as part of gender affirmation. So too can cis women choose to feel gender affirmation by choosing to behave like this.
@@ophilianecr thank you, couldnt have said it better myself. the whole part of uplifting women INCLUDES uplifting those who desire a different life than you
@@Pugkin5405 sorry, girl. Some of us can think critically when we consume media and we don't need creators yelling us how to think and feel🤨. Tell me you feel personally insulted because i had a criticism, without telling me....🙃
The only one of those hobbies I could MAYBE afford is baking. Also, she does not care about being ladylike. She cares about looking expensive. What she means by ladylike is upper class, e.g. hobbies the commoners can't afford. As another comment said, a true lady keeps her guests comfortable, not feeling inferior.
Shoutout to all the little girls that ended up with insane internalized misogyny for years because they were scolded by their teachers for being "unladylike" and had to learn to define womanhood for themselves in their later teen years without any parental guidance! You're doing great sweetie
Grew up in the Deep South and had "lady lessons" from a status obsessed aunt. I only use the book balancing thing as a party trick (its a lame one too) and I'm basically the complete opposite of what she was aiming to make me lol.
One time my science teacher scolded me for eating a banana in the hallways and she told me it wasn’t “ladylike” and it genuinely affected me and made me feel uncomfortable eating bananas at school
I make art and I'm currently in college for it. Making it is far from an elegant hobby, especially traditional media like paint or sculpture, which is always messy. By "art enthusiast" she likely means being interested in art history or going to art museums.
@@hannahbeach5318i agree she def means art appreciation and critic. she sure doesn’t mean the digital art lifestyle im pursuing that shit ain’t elegant at all 😭 it’s mostly crying
Have you seen Titanic, the scene where Cal questions who Picasso is? And Rose wants to decorate her temporary room? That scene is what 'art enthusiast' describes. I am someone that paints and if my bread is borderline mouldy, well...I put some extra nutella on it. I hope that explains the difference.
The thing about "sitting ladylike" drove me INSANE, and still does now because my mother still goes on about it. Her reasoning was "boys can look up your skirt or stare at your crotch!" Which freaked me the hell out as a kid. I ended up being horrified of men, because I was given the impression that everyone around me was a huge creep that was just WAITING for me to open my legs a little bit. Nowadays, I don't care about it and just sit how I like. I haven't had a situation where anyone's looked at me at all as far as I'm aware. Thanks mom lol Edit because I remembered more: my mom has always been very paranoid about creeps, so I couldn't wear anything "revealing". However, the pants thing stuck with me the most, because I had to change how my legs are naturally, when I sit down they naturally either spread out or do that "criss cross apple sauce" thing lol
I remember my mom telling me the same. I didn't quite like skirts back then and I used to sit in weird positions (still do). I was really stubborn so I retorted something along the lines of "then they can look, for all i care." I didn't see what was the big deal especially when I was wearing stocking underneath.
I’m almost 30 and my mom still wants to annoy me about how I sit. “Adults don’t sit like that”, is the new version and guess what, I’m an adult and I do. I’m a short adult who doesn’t like to have her legs dangling off a chair,. Only disadvantage is that it’s not very comfortable for cats, only cats will make me sacrifice comfort for a bit.
see my mum told me to sit like “a lady” even while wearing pants all the time😅 but never explained why, so it was always confusing to me, I think it’s actually fair enough for parents to worry about perverts, but it’s the others fault, not the child. I also had a boy in class poking girls between the legs with a ruler under the table (they all had skirts on) I snitched on him but it made me glad I had pants on and made me question why on earth a boy would think to do such a thing.
Yeah that's why I hate skirts now. Because to me wearing a skirt/dress means I'm gonna have to hold up to a certain etiquette and I don't want that. So now I just wear pants. Tho recently I've started to wear maxi skirts which are also comfy and I don't need to worry about flashing someone.
*Female Larper bowing before you in squire's garb*: “My queen! Thou are exquisitely dressed for the occasion of rolling the dice! Dare I say it: like a TRUE lady!”
I was at a restaurant with my bf and this lady was following all these rules and enforcing them on her son. It was ruining everyone else's meal when she would randomly correct him about something so normal. "Don't hold your cutlery that way!" "Don't lay your napkin that way!" "Don't chew that way!" Then she would look around with this super judgmental glare at the other families in the restaurant. Jokes on her though everyone else was laughing and having a great time while her and her kid sat alone in stiff silence. The best part was that we were at a theme park, not some fancy restaurant.
she likely had the least etiquette in the room if she was not only publicly ridiculing him, but doing it loud enough for others to hear. Poor guy. It'd be one thing if she corrected him in private and wasn't so strict about little things, but its another to just put your son on blast in public or make them feel like they can't succeed due to all the petty rules.
That lady is just a control freak. My old science teacher is exactly like her. my old science teacher, is very petty about little things, like making sure your computer is perfect with the board, or if your paper is straight on your desk, etc. one time we were highlighting and reading something. And as i was highlighting the stuff, she came up behind me and said “hey, u need to pay more attention, and highlight more” like- bent over my shoulder, and wispered through her teeth like she was mad at me- And then- 5 MINUTES LATER she came behind me and said; “you are in the wrong section of the paragraph” but we had just started reading a new paragraph-and she was behind me the intire time… kinda weird how she was standing behind me like that lol. There is so much more stuff she has done to me and my classmates that really annoys me but i better stop typing otherwise ima write a whole essay
as an autistic lady, I will absolutely never take any advice from these women. Also the hunger games bit at the end made me laugh really hard, love you Chad Chad
@@justabout6979 that's a great question! lots of people on the spectrum have specific preferences on clothing, almost always removing shirt tags and anything scratchy, wearing only soft clothes that feel comfortable and don't cause sensory issues instead of choosing clothes based more off how they look. I couldn't believe the tik tok lady said no baggy clothes EVEN AT HOME, I'd go insane! The whole vibe of deciding everything you do based on a stereotype is just so toxic, true self expression is really important for everyone, but especially neurodivergent people
@@juliasutton8634 on a related note, as someone also autistic, I was pretty much the golden standard for lady-like as a child (well for how young I was at least) my need for things like quiet spaces, soft clothing, not wanting to participate in rowdy activities, not talking unless prompted... it aligned me with a lot of things expected of girls and women. And I just happen to do those because of sensory issues, not at all because I was trying to be that way or look down at others. (I WISHED I enjoyed being rowdy! they looked like they were having fun! but I just got overwhelmed) I think this especially made people surprised (and usually irritated) when I would Not align with lady-like things. I can only assume because either; it broke the illusion that I was this perfect kid, or that if I was lady-like in most things, then I should know how to be in all aspects.
@@justabout6979 I’ll be honest, I find that most etiquette is a lot easier to learn than regular social cues. Only problem is that a lot of these etiquette accounts aren’t necessarily teaching etiquette to be a better, more considerate person but teaching women how to some haughty ass “high value” woman. We don’t want to be subservient to some guy with a Ferrari, we just want to be polite and graceful for ourselves and the people around us or at least I do.
Whenever I was faced with a flight of stairs, I rode sidesaddle on my trusty steed to avoid being unladylike. Now that I saw that tiktok, I can finally walk down stairs elegantly ❤
I went to charm school and the no look stairs thing is a thing, yes, as is no bending over to pick something up. However, she did that wrong. The whole point of not bending over is to keep your skirts together and a vertical spine so as not to flash your chest at people (this comes from the Victorian/Edwardian era, so also not stressing your corset). It's one of the things you do in training with books balanced on your head. You stand next to the dropped object, place one foot behind you a little, then bend *both* knees, sinking to the ground with the knees remaining pointed forward and keeping your spine completely vertical as you sweep your hand beside you to pick up the item, preferably without looking down at it so as not to draw any more attention to yourself than necessary. That side leg thing looks like you're bowling. Anyway, I hate it all and you're right, the grocery store bouncer doesn't care about your pj's.
The worst part about not being able to say you're going to the restroom is having to kill anyone who sees you entering/leaving the bathroom to keep the secret
It's actually the best part for me but everyone has preferences i suppose. I enjoy implementing my archery skills so i often look forward to it. Cheers!
baking is so elegant especially when you have flour all throughout your kitchen and blow up some cookies because you didn’t put flour in them (true story). especially when you are practically dying laughing because of how burnt your cupcakes are. so elegant guys
Or when you're entirely covered from head to toe in flour as your face itches, and you can't scratch it because because your hands are covered in bread dough
@jenkathefridge3933 I do yes, and I've gotten better but my oven doesn't always work right and will get to hot, or not hot enough so even though I've learned what to do and what not to do I still end up burning something. And my comment was meant as a joke so I exaggerated how often I burn stuff, It isn't literally when ever I bake
every time I’d hear the word “ladylike” as a kid, it’d usually be followed by “no men will want to marry you” so glad I live in a whole different country now away from them
So I fell into a major depression and couldn’t bring myself to shave consistently. I felt like I didn’t have to always been perfectly shaved and the guy I was dating at the time knew I was struggling with depression yet made a fuss over me not shaving because it wasn’t ladylike. I dumped him soon after.
Shaving is such a modern eurocentric concept, don’t sweat it hun. Less than three centuries ago no one woulda gave a shit if you had some hair. And if you think about it, that’s only three long-lived people ago. Most of your ancestors were out here hairy and continuing the bloodline regardless.
As an archer I can confirm that nothing is more ladylike than messing up up the nerve endings in your fingers, string slap bruises, and being hot and sweaty surrounded by mostly men in your athletic wear. Truly, archery is the most ladylike of all sports
When I was growing up I was a part of a group called missionettes, basically christian girl scouts if you replaced all the actually fun and useful things about girl scouts with learning how to be a good godly housewife. We got a little tiara and necklace when we finished the program and I remember before the ceremony we got them the meanest old lady who was a part of the program spent 3 days teaching us how to walk in heels and stand up straight and all that etiquette shit. Looking back on it, it was literally the most useless thing I've ever done and I wish I had pushed to be a part of real girl scouts instead.
The tiara and necklace are the only good parts about that program. The question is, was it a decent tiara or was it a child’s costume tiara. Because if it was the second one that honestly adds insult to injury
I love how the "elegant hobbies" thing involves two of the messiest and most involved hobbies ever, caring for horses and plants. I used to go to a barn for lessons and I had to dedicate a part of my garage to the Horse Shit Boots because of the amount of times id step in it, even when I wasn't doing the actual work. Plus the other day I spent 3 hours scraping the top soil off every single plant in my house because I went away for a week and my brother decided to water everything day 1 and forget about it, causing the dishes to flood and mold to grow, and today I manually pulled 2 wheelbarrows full of crabgrass from the garden because the weed whacker broke and I didn't pay attention to it until a month before planting day. Also, neither baking nor ballet are very pretty behind the scenes. Theres still flour in the tiny gaps in the kitchen, and dear god I'd be a millionaire if it wasn't for all the bobby pins and hairspray that's mysteriously vanished the day before whatever show, but that's mostly user error.
Yeah, anything to do with horses could only ever be "elegant" if you're rich enough to hire an army of people to maintain the stables, grounds, pastures, and regularly groom the horses into looking all nice and pretty so you can show up in perfectly clean, crisp clothes and hop into a lovingly waxed saddle. Because otherwise if you spend even five seconds NEAR a horse the smell just attaches to every piece of clothing and strand of hair and no matter how short your nails are they'll be caked with dirt. I've never felt less elegant than when I was working with horses, tromping around in dirty boots and hauling dusty ass saddles around.
@@dawnriddler I don't know how it is elsewhere, but here you have to get a license that shows that you are qualified to attend in these tournaments. And part of the tests to get that license is, who would have guessed it, how to actually take care of a horse. As my riding instructor used to say. Animals mean work. If you can't do that work you don't deserve the animal.
@@lexa2310 Yes but no one is seeing the hard work, what public is seeing is the artistic execution. Which was probably her point. Every sport and hobby requires effort in order to improve and get better.
A couple weeks ago my art class was on an excursion and some girl joked about taking a dump and one of the teachers had the audacity to turn around and say "we're in public THATS NOT VERY LADYLIKE" and she said "so if a boy said it it'd be ok?" and the teacher just gasped and then this same woman kept telling my friend her dress was to short (like she can do anything in the city lmao) and whenever we saw naked portraits we'd joke that she'd tell them their dresses were to short
Honestly, if boys were getting herded through some museum and one of them dropped word about a "dump-taking", the guy in charge would have definitely shot off a, "HEY, knock it off fellas!"
@@RaptorFromWeegee we weren't at the Gallery yet though and I guarantee they wouldn't have because the guarda there don't care as long as you don't touch the paintings
@@erika-paigehutch3930 All right, granted, you weren't at the EXACT gallery yet, I'm guessing parking lot? And I'm further guessing that there were no gallery staff or gallery patrons on hand when this "taking a dump" remark got uttered? If thats the case, I'll allow it. You can go ahead and do it. Make the remark, I mean. Not take an actual dump in that gallery parking lot, from underneath your dangerously short dresses. If this was some hoity-toity private school for girls, I'm sure your teachers were fearful you'd develop impolite habits that, later, would reflect poorly on your school's reputation. On the other hand if it was a mediocre public school, like mine, wt a teachers union, they wouldn't care what you did cause they'd have tenure and couldn't be fired.
I love how she listed “art enthusiast” as a hobby and coming from an artist myself, having your hands covered in paint and pencil led while you also have the most cluttered desk due to how much paint there is and getting splatters on your legs while having some of your clothes ruined in the process is super elegant
You'd think not having to worry about physical art supplies would help keep me organised, but no. As a digital artist, literally the only thing I need to keep track of is my stylus, but I still manage to lose it. Every single time. I eventually just gave up and tied it to my tablet.
yeah having broken nails covered in screen filler and clothes covered in ink from screenprinting all day is probably not what she is used to, she probably does pottery painting and cheap watercolors
love how art is an elegant hobby cause all I can think of is all the artists out there that make meme art online. "Look a picture of a poorly drawn duck holding a knife! How elegant!"
Oh, making art isn't elegant - art *enthusiasm* is elegant, like going to galleries and giving your unsolicited opinion on how liking Van Gogh is passé
As an artist, i can tell you that if you think the outcome isn't elegant, let me tell you about the process OH BOY the process. I may just be a chaotic being, but i can PROMISE you that paper will be ripped, pencils snapped, pens thrown and swears yelled. I have never met an artist that was like: "And now we add these lines, oh my, how delicate they came out! Such a elegant portrait! Oh how my family will be proud, I am most full of joy!" It's more along the lines of: "F*CK I MESSED UP MY LINEART AGAIN " or "This is giving me a headache... i f*cking hate anatomy..." yeah this was a dumb comment- anyways to anyone reading this, have a nice day/night!
@@child.of.helios No, Le-Oct, its a pretty informative comment you made about what goes into art that most of us will never know. Its generous of you to give us a peek behind the scenes, so to speak.
Ladies, make sure to back out of the room so you can crash into Paul and cause a chain reaction that pushes the newly pregnant salesperson down the stairs. It's not that complicated 🙄
No cause like, the hypocrisy is crazy. I went to a private school that had a strict crack down on etiquette. They would always make us call everyone sir, ma’am, professor, or by any honorific, never an actual name. We also weren’t allowed to use the bathroom unless we asked for one of our superiors for permission (even though we weren’t supposed to talk about bathrooms) and instead of me becoming lady-like, I developed OCD at a very young age along with a mountain of insecurities. It’s so embarrassing sometimes. I still ask my bosses whenever I’m working for permission to use the bathroom and I always get the same ‘you’re a grown woman you don’t need to ask me for permission’ talk. I can’t control it though, I just HAVE to ask someone higher than me for permission about everything. Same goes for honorifics. In college my teachers prefer to be called by their first names but if I don’t add professor I feel like I’m going to explode.
I grew up in the South and the social norms there were pretty similar (except asking for permission to go to the bathroom). I moved to Norway for a masters degree and learning to call my professors by their first name instead of professor or Dr. was a HUGE adjustment. I've been here a few years now and still can't call the restroom "the toilet" because it feels vulgar compared to referring to it in a more roundabout way, but when I say restroom, powder room, etc. no one understands at first what I'm saying (in English conversations, that is).
That's terrible! We need to get rid of schools that still do this. It's hummiliating enough to have to ask before performing the vital function that is peeing.
@@rbxless In my country, every school does this. Is it not normal in the US? Do you guys not ask to go to the bathroom? Do you just leave whenever you want? And how exactly do you address teachers other than ma'am and sir? We say ma'am and sir because it's the easiest.
@@TheQueen-sw4th We usually call them “Mr/Mrs/Ms (last name)” in high school. Although, in college, it’s either “professor” or “doctor”. Also, it really varies from teacher to teacher. But generally speaking, K-12 kids have to ask to use the bathroom (sometimes we have to fill a sign out sheet and take a bathroom pass so that the hallway montoirs know we’re going to the bathroom). In college, you don’t have to ask. Rarely will you find a teacher that specifically requires you to ask to the use the restroom because it’s a waste of lecture time. I think the whole damn “asking to use the bathroom” thing should be abolished. It wastes time and holding it in for long periods of time fucks up your bladder
@@parkchimmin7913 It's shouldn't be taken away because some people won't even use the bathroom. If they leave they might just be messing around and bunking class. Yeah they can lie when they ask to go to the bathroom but if a student doesn't return to class once the period is over, the teacher knows to look to the bathroom first because that's where they said they would be. It's not necessary in college because we're grown adults who need to care for ourselves but as kids we need to ask to go so that teachers know where we might be if we don't return to class at the end of the period. Asking is very vital so I don't think we should go to the extreme of not asking. However, thank you so much for telling me how you address your teachers. I find addressing them by ma'am and sir is so much quicker which is why I do it but either way, thanks
I went to and loved cotillion, I own etiquette books, and I listen to a podcast called Schmanners. I love the idea of being graceful and elegant and charming and conscientious of others. Do you know what isn’t any of that? Nagging or condescending to women who don’t fit the same mold as you. Even if someone is being the least “ladylike” you’ve ever seen to the point to where it bothers you, the “ladylike” thing to do is receive them well and treat them the way you would any other. Making others feel uncomfortable for being who they are and insisting that your way is right is not ladylike.
@@sweetembrace6706 being free means that the OG commenter gets to like etiquette. It’s saying women HAVE to be one way or the other or shaming them for their choices that’s the problem.
My grandma and mom “”trained”” me since I was a kid to be ladylike SOLELY for my future husband. It was not even just about my physical actions like sitting, walking or laughing. They were so hard on me about my whole personality. For example if I would get upset about something and be sad or upset the whole day they would say something like “if u continue this behaviour/mindset, your future family or relationship with your husband and in laws would be difficult” “you should always let things go. Forgive and forget. And be happy all the time” And many more. I was always rebelling against this. But deep down these got engrained in me and I still feel guilty if I upset my boyfriend. Or if i even get angry. Because that’s not ladylike and men don’t like that
That is fucked up, honestly, do what you want to do. You should be able to feel what you want to feel. Did you know crying can be a sign of releasing stress? That does not apply to everyone but it is a good fact :3 So go be sad, angry, and happy. Your human, not a robot made to please your "Future Husband."
@@FocusedFighter777exactly..dude My mom have faced so much sh*t in an abusive marriage that she ragingly encourages me to be successful and independent but yet sometimes , the forceful conditioning of her past gets hold, and she ends up saying “What will your future husband/in laws think?” Over minor human errors.. Always apologises later and blesses me that i get a husband/in laws who never treat me like that, ever.. At least she’s trying 🥺❤
Exactly, ballet wear is usually consistent of leotards and skirts, but athletic wear can also be allowed in certain ballet schools (ours doesn't allow it unless your leotard reeks of sweat and you don't have anything else to wear), because the fabric is flexible. Doing ballet in "ladylike" clothing should be considered a goddamned torture, since you're going to spend so much time with itchy clothing and inflexible fabrics that can break upon any stretch or combination the ballet teachers give you.
Yes, and how am I supposed to work in the garden without ever bending over or getting my clothes dirty? Also, a fancy dress wouldn't be very practical, just like in ballet class.
@@whatadistinguishedgentlecat exactly, i couldn't even imagine doing a pointe class in fancy "lady-wear", its already tortuous enough in a leotard and tights
Sitting in my onesie, eating jam sandwiches, chugging soy milk from the carton, watching this on my phone while taking a break from sorting my yarn which is all over my floor. Nailed it.
Dog fur covering me and my yarn balls while I watch this and ice my wrist(because I crocheted too much with my yarn balls) and I eat Mac and cheese from the pot
I love how some of these things just take general manners and self care that everyone should know, like keeping your house clean, and turning it into a "ladylike" thing. Because we all know men can be messy and rude all the time, but women can't do the same because of, uuhh. . . reasons.
This exact phenomenon truly baffles me. I am not a maid. I am not a mom, and certainly am not YOUR mom, so CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF YOU GROWN MAN TODDLER BEFORE I THROW PLATES AT YOUR HEAD. My boyfriend is pretty good most of the time.. but my stepdad and stepbrother- like- How hard is it to close a cabinet or drawer after retrieving what you needed? How hard? I'm talking about a kitchen full of open fucking cabinets. I'll stop I'm just ranting now. HOW HARD IS IT.
i love that this whole culture of "ladylike" etiquette came about so that women would look better for potential husbands... friendly reminder that women do not exist to please men
I love how "proper etiquette" girl is telling you you should want to look "expensive"; people of actual wealth nearly always prefer the opposite. If you're a person worth knowing, people will know who you are regardless of how "expensive" you attempt to make yourself look. Also love Lady Purple Dress at 6:30, attempting to demonstrate how to walk down a staircase in a "proper and ladylike" fashion whilst wearing what are "politely" referred to in "High Society" as Hooker Heels.
Golden "hooker" heels with a dress that is so flimsy, so 'elegant.'... Not to mention that next "elegant" lady will tell that, no, you actually can and need to hold on to the railing. Also, have they seen The Queen walking down the stairs? I mean, the lady was sort of an epitome of étiquette and elegance. Or Duchess Catherine. They don't walk down the stairs looking like a Disney movie high school queen b.
Lol xDD I've always found this kind of videos (I got some recommended some years ago) a bit weird because some things they say and do are quite the opposite or not quite the thing wealthy people do. And why do so many of them have obviously made their lips? Doesn't it contradict what they're saying is elegant?
I'm a diplomacy student, so you can say I know a thing or two about etiquette, and the thing that hurts me the most watching this is that etiquette is not universal. It depends on a country or even region, and a thing considered polite in one place can be viewed as extremely rude somewhere else. Also bathroom is not a forbidden world unless your in a offical situation, which is not a brunch with friends.
Exactly..even then alot of women can’t afford to do all of this.. It’s not about elegance though ..I’ve seen the likes of this content..i used to follow Ana Bey, who is also a self proclaimed ‘elegance’ coach…they’re merely training women to be gold diggers.. How to spot a rich man and all.. They don’t focus on looking elegant as much as they focus on looking ‘expensive’..really toxic stuff..
That's so unhealthy. Im so sorry for you.🙁 Étiquette is supposed to be there to help keep things organized and mannered. This comment section makes me sad.
I remember being at a restaurant with a family nearby and the mom was particularly loud, but even more than when she was yelling at her daughter. The daughter and son weren't even being bad and yet every word out of the mom was very old school manners style of "sit up straight, etc" and, in particular, all her dialogue to her daughter was about being a lady, and yelled louder when it was said. It was hard to focus on anything else than this woman bullying her own daughter. She said "sit like a lady, be ladylike" and the daughter just was sitting relaxed (normal), and had regular clothes on like her brother. She was wearing shorts not a skirt or dress, so it didn't matter her legs were kinda chilled to the sides. Her brother was slouching too, not a word was said. The whole meal everytime I heard the word "lady" i winced. I still have shower arguments with this woman to this day telling her off. "what kind of 'lady' bullies her kid with misogyny?" i retort to my shower walls. This was a restaurant that plays football games on the TV, you know? What is this?
The reason people should sit with their legs crossed/closed (which is also supposed to apply to men) is to build habit. If your habit in casual clothes is to always sit with your legs spread, it’s easy for that habit to accidentally rear it’s head when you are wearing something that could be very revealing in that moment. This is important in younger people because it is more difficult to discern when a certain behavior is and isn’t appropriate. The lady in your story was failing at being ladylike because these are not corrections you make in public. It is EXTREMELY bad etiquette to correct someone else’s manners or etiquette in public, as it can embarrass the person being corrected. Etiquette is supposed to be about making EVERYBODY comfortable.
@@lrc4263 Sitting with your legs crossed isn't good for you though. It can cause alignment issues in your pelvis/spine and venous insufficiency to your lower limbs (i.e. varicose veins)
All of those require having more money than more money than you need to survive. If you have a bit of money left at the end of the month, that can be enough for a lot of hobbies, but not for any of these
