guy pickup artists tell guys they need to pretend they're busy... girl pickup artists tell girls to pretend they're busy... the ideal couple NEVER sees each other ever
SAME, like it doesn’t matter abt looks or making them obsessed or trying to make them spoil me, if they are nice to me I’ll like them and just ask them out 😭😭
It's terrifying how these are actual textbook abuse tactics, and some of the people promoting them aren't even afraid to call them manipulative, as if manipulation isn't an awful thing that can cause trauma and long-term damage to a person
Men are ALREADY are obsessed with me. One time these men banged on my door and were like: “ma’am we’re here to arrest you for three counts of wire fraud”. Not only that, they also put HANDCUFFS around my wrists. I was like, we’re not that far into our relationship. They were obsessed Edit: thanks to everyone who helped me figure out that they are toxic. This was a total red flag, I’ll tell them to back off tomorrow. Update: I am currently in solitary confinement. This was not the outcome I was expecting. Kinda kinky if I do say so myself…
I genuinely hate how normalized and even romanticized “obsession” is. as someone who gets obsessed very quickly and easily and struggles with overcoming obsessions it’s infuriating. it’s not cute, REAL obsession ruins relationships and makes it hard to live your day to day. very much not fun or dreamy to live with.
Are you familiar with the term 'limerence'? Idk, discovering the concept and being able to name it when experiencing it really helped me. Sincerely hope things get better for you, must've been rough sometimes
I want to have a woman who takes these tik toks seriously and a man who watches the sigma male pages go out on a date. And I want to observe them interacting like I'm Jane Goodall
I don’t want many men to be obsessed with me. I want one man in his right mind to share a loving relationship with. We’ll simultaneously build each other up and hold each other accountable.
This is literally the premise of all good relationships, perhaps most obviously with regards to dating. But people really do be out here making content "about"... "dating"; they're not coming at it from the angle of being interested in people but almost from the mindset of overthinking a sport or a videogame. Waste of their limited time on this earth and almost certainly a waste of any audience's, as well.
I love how men's advice is: stop texting her. women's advice: stop texting him. It's literally a prisoner's dilemna on both ends, trying to figure out who's gonna be the most toxic.
I wonder if these puas, men and women, were the type of people to be more clingy and obsessive with responses which their dates pointed it out. Now they think all the opposite gender is like that when really its people in general.
@@lefu87williford55 I know they mean something like that but it's just funny to see the word obsession being thrown around. I wouldn't go out of my way to hate on someone who does it but it makes me giggle
Yeah, obsession in the literal sense tends to be creepy, traumatizing, and if you're really unlucky it can culminate in violent crime. I know that's not what they're talking about (not to say the stuff they are talking about is healthy or okay), but I was kind of uncomfortable with that term being used.
As a straight(ish) man, the best advice I can give to straight girls is just make it obvious that you're interested. A lot of men are anxious about making a move for various reasons, giving them a clear green light makes our end of things so much easier.
I honestly hate how dating has been made to be like a stupid game to toy with people instead of the actual process of meeting and getting to know all kinds of different people.
guess that's what happens when we don't get therapy and hurt people in the dating process. the hurt people don't want to get hurt again and they also get angry at having been wronged. so they go on to hurt more people in an attempt to keep themselves emotionally safe. and then those people go on to hurt other people.
Same. Like how being able to attract someone is literally called game. It feels like we're all just playing mind tricks on each other and manipulating someone to see you in a specific light. "Don't say this! Say this instead! Do this! Wear this color to attract someone!" I hate how we can't even be genuine anymore. We just act out a script until we're in a relationship long enough to drop the facade. It's very sad.
people are treating relationships like a dating sim nowadays... only acting based on certain rules and not because you want someone to love you for your true self
I'll side with the woman in that case, because there is far more sax-trafffffficking than there is fake reddit findom shit but if dumb men want to give their live savings to losers nothing I say will stop them, but I hope women can be convinced not to move to Romania.
I hate how some people don't treat obsession as an actual, real problem but more like a "tee hee cute quirk".There were people that were killed by other people that had an obsession for them...
It's for stupid people to flirt with obsession. They seem to use it for infatuation rather than understanding how dark obsession can get. Limerance is similar to obsession but doesn't involve approaching the person in reality. But that is also as destructive.
Also they don't realize how pathetic they are. If you respect the guy so little and he's that stupid, what does it say about you, investing so much time, energy and research into keeping him around?
Yeah, obsession, or another type of unhealthily bond you can have with others... codependency are both seriously horrible things for people to be in. You can have just as much and honestly a lot more passion with healthier forms of desire/love. People see wanting others out of jealousy, envy, or FOMO & just because other's want them as bad for the perpetrator seeking out a relationship with the object of desire in the long term but most people turn a blind eye to obsession & codependent relationships since its a lot more complex & under the surface to understand why its so bad to seek out love stemming from this.
I like the addendum to "absence makes the heart grow fonder" i think it is from Vsauce with the words "Absence makes the heart grow fonder, just like a fire is nurtured by the wind, but a candle will be blown out" because if someone is testing the waters and instead of showing interest back you ghost them no wonder they got a girlfriend or boyfriend in the meantime.
@YourLocalDemon it has a couple different uses based on context I believe. For instance if I hit a chair, that's the affect. The chair falling over is the effect. That's the way I understand it anyway. So in simple terms an affect is an action and the effect is the result of said action.
That “pleasure and pain” one is literally how Stockholm syndrome forms. Extreme violence or pain and then a sudden break from it, makes the victim psychoanalyse the captor and learn their triggers.
This is exactly what bullying was like for me. My classmates would mock me, insult me & then the day after would treat me like a "friend" (this happened for like 6-7 years but it got worse as the years went by). People don't realize that abuse is a REAL thing and if someone is willing to use these "tricks" to find a partner....then THEY ARE an abuser!
She said it perfectly!!!! The “men’s advice” channels do the exact same thing: “work on yourself, go to the gym, immerse yourself in work and hobbies, invest your money and then the girls will be all over you and you can get a girlfriend” wouldn’t you want your own genuine life (not a contrived one in order to attract someone) so you’re not depending on that eventual relationship for all of your needs in an unhealthy way?
@@vladys5238 it’s the motivation that’s being criticised. You should have hobbies and work on yourself for your own sake. If it’s stuff you only did to attract a partner and you find one, that lack of self-value is still present. It could also lead to feelings of entitlement to relationships, which can be harmful. It could lead to feelings of resentment and disappointment if you don’t meet a partner, undermining the positivity that these improvements should bring to your life. It can undermine your platonic relationships if you are making friends as primarily a means to meeting a partner. The advice to try new hobbies and exercise is good. But the toxic mentality being attached to these things is worthy of the criticism. Not getting away from that toxic mentality can also lead people to fall back into old patterns, potentially, even if they seemed to be doing things that should improve their lives.
Chad Chad's Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss skit/edit lives rent free in my head whenever I hear anyone use those words regardless if it's being used properly or comically 😂
being honest when I say these mindgames and peoples obsession with… obsession completely ruined my last relationship for me. my partner wanted me to be unhealthy obsessed with them and then got upset when i didn’t. remember, it’s not healthy to obsess over people - you should seek for mutual respect and care for one another in a relationship instead of emotional dependency.
On the flip side, I consider it a huge red flag if a guy obsesses over me. Any disregard for my boundaries or display of jealousy is a deal breaker. A person who obsesses over you never really sees you as the human you really are.
Ooof now that you mentioned it I had the same issue with my ex, he wanted me to read his mind and be jealous (yuck) and he cut all ties with all his friends and wanted to spend all his time with me and now I know I was scared of him but then I thought he must be right and I probably just didn’t know how to love
@@hypatiakovalevskayasklodow9195 My ex did the exact same thing. I think people develop an unhealthy ideal of what a relationship is and get mad when you don’t fit into that ideal they made up.
@@vihmaussivenitaja it mkes me wonder---what eads to this-like some disorders but dont you understand its terribleespecially if you get upset after lie 2 seconds of though-
@@vihmaussivenitaja 100%! Obsession is scary. I'm thinking of men forcing you to stay inside instead of going out with your friends and exes who stalk you when I think of obsession. No sane girl or woman wants that.
As someone with ADHD, I can confidently say that texting someone and then not responding for a long period of time is not going to make them obsessed with you. It’s just going to make them annoyed. Be nice and don’t ghost people ❤
When I don't hear a reply back after a couple hours after the date, just to even try to set up another one or to see if they would even be interested in another one. So I give up. I stopped dating because every guy I went out on a date with just ended up ghosting me. I don't know what I do wrong or if I'm just really that disgustingly ugly that no guy could ever find me attractive. It's to the point where even if I find a genuine guy, I wouldn't believe him about his feelings because I would assume he was lying. I was even looking for a friends with benefits situation and still nothing. Which tells me that there is something wrong with me. And I don't know what. I have tried everything from being myself to not being myself. And then to try to get them to talk to me would be impossible! Only one date ever went well and he admitted to me of being a molester. But he was a teenager so it's fine! UGH! And I listened to his story, mostly because I was in shock but also took into consideration that he was being up front and honest. But that's when he said that he was a kid and did that. It wasn't until the end of the dinner when he told me his actual age of 17. But he said that it was because someone molested him and that he didn't know better. I don't know. It just made me feel too uncomfortable and I could NEVER have or even raise children with him after admitting to me how it's ok to sexualize children. I never spoke to him after that. You tell me how you molested your cousin and then say how it's ok to sexualize children because that's the way of the world? NO NO NO! Children are innocent and need to be protected from monsters like him! Ugh, I feel so disgusted even going through the entire date instead of just getting up and walking out. And it was going so well too. The first date I ever had where the guy didn't run off almost immediately from the first site of me. Sorry if this was a little confusing to read, I tried cleaning it up but I'm getting heated again just thinking about him and how disgusting he was!
@@wintermoon7003 A good filter is to date friends of friends, kind of insurance they are not creepy guys like this one (this guy should not be roaming street omg). It seems you are not ready for dates, and that you commit self-sabotage. You describe yourself harshly, and you overanalyze your behaviour - maybe when sitting at the table it's not a dialogue of 2 but 3 persons : You, him and your internal dialogue. This is off-putting like hell ! Take the time - surround yourself with friends that don't want to date you - and the gained confidence will put you in the correct state of mind to not get hurt ! Wish you all the best !
A quote from a man on a podcast that fits this perfectly, "If you play hard to get, you'll be hard to want." This man has his head on right with this quote. Men want honesty, loyalty, and genuine interest, not this manipulative bullshit. I also came across a guy whose girlfriend started doing this shit to him, so he did back to her and she started crying and begging him to take her back when he broke up with her over it. She told him she had been given bad advice, but he didn't take her back because the relationship was fine until she decided to follow this bullshit, tik tok advice. That is how to lose a man, not make one obsessed with you.
the first guy i ever "dated" was actually obsessed with me and it ended up sending him into a deep depression which he blamed on me. sooo i'd say obsession is not something you wanna strive for
@@wenisdead6829 maybe some introspection into how you treat and communicate with other people would be useful lol . i know theres a lot of dudes out there who get obsessed easily but if its everyone honey ,,, maybe youre the problem
@@wenisdead6829 Honestly i think its also how you treated the guy in the relationship. Usually guys who act like that only act like that because they had sex with the girl and they have no other way of obtaining sex, so they get obsessed with you. Its the guys that have multiple sleeping partners that never get emotionally obsessed with one woman. Literally the only reason why a guy would be obsessed over you is if youre his only form of physical attention, sex, emotional attention, etc. Average men have a really hard time getting sex or just a decent girl, but average women can score a guy that makes six figures. Its been like this all throughout human history all over the whole world.
In Stardew Valley you can give only two presents per week, just like you should text your love interest only twice a year. Gotta keep their water supply dry 😊
Twice a year, gosh they are going to think you are desperate. It's twice every 2 years. In fact don't even text them, just follow them on social media I like their post once every blue moon. That will get their attention for sure!
You text your love interest? No thats being so desperate. You gaslight them into texting you and leave them on read. That's a surefire way to make sure they will always come back
The phrase “girlbossify manipulation” is now part of my vernacular. Thank you ChadChad for your service, you brave Modern Day Knight TM of the internet
As a man, i can confirm that there is literally nothing more appealing to me than being gaslighted, made to feel inferior and never feeling secure in a relationship. Nothing screams "this is the one" like being manipulated 24/7 by the person you rely on the most. Oh, an please make your man a cheese sandwich, cause theese times are particularly rough for men i decided.
"Yes she hit me but I swear there were good parts.... even though she told me there were none and all her happiness was acting and nothings made her more miserable" 🥴
As a woman, same. Isn't it funny how many women and men are advising both our sides to just be incredibly toxic to each other? It's almost like the real division is sincere humans, versus garbage excuses for people who think manipulation is the only way to get a partner.
The first time I heard about these techniques was in a self defense class, and it was a very serious topic that we were taught to catch early on in relationships- the fact that this information is so casually being spread around and encouraged is insane. Also, as someone who does obsess very easily and has had multiple very painful relationships due to people not responding, I hate that that’s being advertised as okay😭
Well self defense is keeping yourself safe, yes that can include fighting in cas e you are in danger, but you also have to recognize WHEN you are in danger or when a situation has the potential to get dangerous. As well as keeping yourself safe mentally and emotionally- abuse and assault statistically happens the most on relationships with people you trust like family friends and partners, so part of self defense is being able to recognize when someone is a person you have to defend yourself from: ie people you are in a relationship with that are using textbook manipulation tactics on you.
@@on_spikes6867 some of these strategies can be used to detect major red flags early on…although i believe that the technique on itself is looking for behavior like the one these tiktoks are encouraging, not doing it yourself cause obviously it’s a bad thing
Women are taught to: 1) Manipulate men 2) Hate men (like we’re supposed to be fragile, evil, earn more for less work, toxic masculine etc. etc.) If course you’ll cause women to turn bisexual or just hate men because they cannot stand us except by being manipulative. The last thing women need is more manipulation skills.
don't worry Lydia, you sound like an awful insufferable person that i wouldnt want to be around to begin with! So don't break your back fending off men is what i am saying. Good day!
To all girls reading this: Show him you're interested, tell him you like him and show him that you care. (Also make sure he treats you with kindness and respect)
As a guy, yes!! Thank you! And especially as someone on the autism spectrum, thank you! I’m so sick of people playing games and making things so complicated
@@robertbeisert3315lol as a guy I have seen no denographic as thick headed as women. I've asked a girl on a date, been invited to her apartment, danced with her and then witnessed her shock at my making a move. I've had all her friends telling a girl I liked her because it was so obvious and her still not believing it. My friends' anecdotes are even wilder. I'm sorry, this is not a gender thing
I once dated someone that was treated badly by his mother and he felt uncomfortable with my kindness, for him it was some sortof 'silence before the storm.' One day I complimented him on working out a lot and he said; 'No, you're supposed to tell me that I have to do better. You have to be more strict with me.' I said; 'Why is that my job, I'm not your coach..'and he said; 'No, but you are my girlfriend. I want you to tell me to stop eating certain unhealthy -fast- foods and tell me to work out more.' So I said; 'Well, I don't mind motivating you, so..alright...what do you say we stop buying those chicken-and-saté-packages for the microwave?' He said; 'You can't tell me what to do!' I said; 'But you just-' He screamed; 'Don't tell me how to live my life!' and ran to the fridge to demonstratively eat the chicken right in front of my face. So, in hindsight, I think he was being rebellious to be able to overcome the lack of rebel-situations in his past with his mom. It wasn't the weirdest moment in our relationship and not the only moment he confused me with his mother, sadly. I hope he found a way (without damaging others) to move past this, like *Therapy.*
i love how modern dating advice is basically “exhibit narcissistic tendencies, they’ll FALL for you.” they might. or they might see you as self centered and unable to foster a genuine connection.
It’s funny cause the people this shit actually works on is exactly the type of people no one wants to be in a relationship with: insecure stalker turbo creeps who have nothing else going on in their lives and thus have time to be “obsessed” with a girl. Any marginally sane person, man or woman, doesn’t have time for these bs games. Just be a decent person with something to bring to the table- something other than manipulation.
I am just afraid of vulnerable young men and women out there...they are gonna endure all those narcissistic crap because their self-esteem is worn down into crumbs thinking they don't deserve better....even being single is better than manipulation....then it becomes a cycle...after breaking up they are filled with anger and find prey the exact same way thinking all men/women are the same might as well manipulate them to get what they want just like how everything was taken from them....what a sad world
As a psychology student I can confirm the last one is true, all 4 years of education we have learned how to hold pens, glasses and other stuff too😌 Our teachers even know how to hold books😲 I hope to be like them one day🥺
A girl I once dated showered me with compliments, made the first move, texted me constantly, and told me she liked me. We're now engaged and have a son.
If someone I liked started ignoring me, I would most likely and subconsciously start distancing myself from them and cease contact altogether. It wouldn't make me obsessed, just confused and sad, but I would eventually move on. Speaking from experience.
Yeah same. I've had phenomenal role models in my parents and friends, so when a girl starts to play these games I feel disgusted and amused at the same time at her cruel naivete. Occasionally, one slips by and I realize later than I would have liked, then a short period of confusion and sadness follows and I say adios
Yup. I’d abort mission immediately. I think I chased one or two guys back in my early 20s who played these mind games, & it sucked. A lot. It made me feel like shit. So I stopped thinking “mind games=solid relationship potential”. The last guy who tried that, by the time he eventually called me again, I’d started seeing a guy who actually ACTED like he liked me, & didn’t play games.
yeah, I'd feel like I must've done something wrong or upset them, or that I'm too annoying and too much for them, if they ignored my I'd start distancing myself as well, no matter how much I love someone I couldn't handle that happening repeatedly lmao
how to make someone obsessed with you: 1) emotionally manipulate them into being obsessed with you or are too scared to not pretend to be obsessed with you 2) blackmail them into dating you 3) commit tax fraud
To make men obsessed with me, I don’t use my hand to pick up my drink at all. I just bite the rim of the cup and tilt my head back to drink. Works like a charm.
tbh this would make me ‘obsessed’ with someone if I saw them doing this, not in a romantic way just I would Have to be that persons friend lmfao ask them if they’re okay hdjdjsjs
This video WORKS!! I now have 10 men absolutely obsessed with me, trying to get me to notice them with their flashing lights and loud noises after I left that bank a little bit ago. It's like, come on, there's only one of me!!
The desert metaphor that person was talking about is lovebombing, which is used to manipulate people in abusive relationships. People will basically manipulate their partner to be excited about any little tidbit of affection, so that it’s easier to win them back over when they’re being abused. Just the smallest bit of affection makes the person feel like they’re getting to return to the start of the relationship when they were with this seemingly perfect person who made them feel like royalty. It’s one of the most common techniques that abusers use, and it’s awful that people are teaching people on the internet (probably mostly teens) how to do it.
@@lorayjay7125 ding ding ding. thus is narcissistic behaviour. both men and women are capable of behaving this toxic but this is more of the female version of this.
It’s funny because people associate love bombing with BPD, but as someone with it, I can’t even imagine doing it because I feel so genuinely for the people I care about and always try to do my best to make them feel as good as possible. Whereas my mom, who is a narcissist (and the reason why I have BPD lmao) is the master of love bombing.
I was raised to be wary of compliments since nobody in my family compliments each other so I have a huge contempt for ppl that do it to me unless it’s like super sincere and there’s a logical reason behind it
The fact that all these tiktok creators promote abusive and manipulative “dating advice” worries me about how many teens and young adults are going to take it at face value and actually apply it to their real-life love lives.
yeah I actually see it a lot. I was a high school senior when tiktok was first getting really big and I remember the freshmen unironically acting like this
8:24 I know we’re all having fun here but I’m pretty sure this lady’s “pleasure/pain” system is also know as ‘love bombing’ and is an emotional abuse tactic.
oh my god I didn't know what you meant until a few moments after reading this comment I saw that lady in the video and you're so right, she absolutely is talking about love bombing and I know it's something sociopaths do for example
how to make your crush obsessed with you 1. be really nice to them 2. make them laugh 3. have them enjoy spending time with you 4. don’t pressure them into a relationship, if they reciprocate then cool! otherwise you’ve just made a really great friend which is also awesome
As a disabled male who has never been loved by a woman in capitalism because of the profit motive, I can tell you easily that it is like this: 1. Be rich. 2. Be rich. 3. Be rich. 4. Be rich. 5. Oh, and be famous. Because I know dozens of disabled males in my 34 years and the only two that got married are the two that got somewhat decent full time jobs somehow. Oh, and their wives DEFINITELY don't respect them.
Chad Chad hits the spot when she says "stop overcomplicating things... there's too many rules", like, I'm autistic and I'm already perplexed at the superfluos amount of implicit rules of every single social interaction. Also, I think overcomplicating things for the sake of it has a name, it's called being neurotic.
as another autistic person, I kinda like rules because otherwise i feel like i don’t know what i’m supposed to do😫 except for the fact that you’re supposed to just know all these “rules” without anyone ever telling you what they are😔
@@yungguattari4924 1. Gay. 2. You misspelled superfluous. 3. Ideological involvement is cringe; be Anarch. 4. Autists are perfectly capable of learning complex and intricate rules. You got this. Treat it like exercise; progressive overload is the key to improvement. Start by spending 5 minutes a day talking to strangers. Yes it's scary. I don't know why, but your monkey brain will be screaming at you the whole time as if you're standing on a cliff. This is fine; you'll get used to it. Once you can hold brief conversations with strangers without coming across as weird/creepy/retarded, a lot of doors open up for you. When you're interacting with people, remember that listening is just as important a component as talking. Now, to autists like us, that implies that you should pay attention to their words. Wrong! The words hardly matter at all; just pay attention to the emotions they are conveying with body language, etc. and act accordingly.
@@rawrostar Guattari being my uncle is more like a joke but also intellectual heritage /jk ... but yeah, noticing how dumb it is has helped a lot to stop feeling awkward at social situations hahaha
The green wire, on a bomb, is the 'lucky wire'. It determines if the timer dramatically stops at 00:01, or to put it dramatically, when it comes down to...the wire.
a solid relationship is built on a solid friendship! kissing and spooning is great, but all the romantic stuff is spoilt when you aren't even good for each other platonically. people put dating on such a high horse, such an expectation to find 'the one' that they forget it should happen naturally!
oh, so I shouldn't be worried about the fact I still sometimes accidentally call my partner "friend" and we barely talk romantically? alright, cool :) for a second i thought i was confusing platonic love for romantic love since everyone seems to always be showing that if you have a partner you *have* to flirt with them
The nervous laughter some of us experienced while ChadChad overanalyzed how to stand because it brought back memories we wish we could forget. That shit hit for real.
I think the most concerning part of trends like this is the inability to distinguish between "interest" and "obsession." People THINK they want someone to be obsessed with them until that person demands attention constantly, begins overstepping boundaries, and/or goes to extremes, like potentially endangering them or their families to secure a place in their life. Obsession is not love. It is ugly and destructive, and I hate to imagine people who just want a companion ultimately putting themselves in harm's way because someone terribly misinformed them. And on the other hand, people who flock to those who manipulate them aren't in love, they're desperate for any form of acceptance, no matter how conditional. Tell people you care about them. Make plans with them. Listen to their interests. Be there for them! It's not a form of "weakness" to express interest- it's love.
Its definitely from the lack of attention and validation growing up. I feel bad for them and hope they are able to work through these issues and have those needs fulfilled (in a healthy way of course).
Finally, someone that understands the difference between love and obsession. It's not going to be nice once he gets aggressive, overprotective, incredibly jealous, and when he is more worried about you looking at another guy, than actually giving you attention.
Cis white man here... "Be his support system, living life as a man in today's society can be difficult sometimes" had me laughing so hard I nearly choked on my vodka soda 😂😂😂
@@conquistadorrocket well my advice here is generally to seem less insecure you need to hold the water bottle upside down yell ooogaaaa boogaaa and like beat pacman then any man Will be instantly obsessed with you
Now I think about it, wouldn't a sexier way to hold a cup be at the bottom, with pinkie finger underneath? She was holding it normally both times and I couldn't tell the difference.
As a 6'11 man with a six figure income, multiple time consuming and dangerous hobbies, my own cult sized friend group, warrants for my arrest in three states, and a very cute dog I can attest to how accurate all these quick tips are!
as someone with bpd this entire thing makes me so viscerally uncomfortable. this is all stuff we are so frequently accused of "doing" or villainized for "doing" (even when we dont) and it's all of a sudden framed as positive and cool when it's anything but. ugh. i struggle a lot to be a good person because of these types of accusations, and when someone is actively pressing these as normal, it's so harmful.
to be fair, not all people with BPD are the same and some *do* do these things. i suspect it might be a lot of folks that have Narc traits or full blown narcissistic PD. try to just remember, though you have BPD, you are not the face of the condition, it has a lot of varying expressions and some people's experiences come from expressions quite unlike yours. so try and separate it in your head that their complaints are not something you are responsible for. if you try and be a good person, and you treat people pretty good, people will accept that and will also learn that BPD has a lot of variations. you know? my ex has it, and NARC. there were really good moments and really terrible ones too. ultimately, an ability for self reflection and working on yourself is key. it's key for everyone. therapy is helpful for just about everyone. anyway, i wish you well. keep fighting the good fight. (i know bpd is rough to have, as well.)
Man, thats a tough nut to crack with BPD. I don't care if she's a supermodel with nymphomania, soon as I get an inckling theres BPD involved I head for the hills, change my number, block her everything, leave town, and dye my hair. Anything to get as far away as possible. Gotten tormented by personality disorder people enough in life and the BDPs might be the worst of them all. No offense of course.
Idk if a woman I like seems completely disinterested in me I'd get sad and anxious and eventually give up on the relationship, that's not the same as obsession. I'm not going to stick around forever when I'm obviously not wanted. While on the other hand if a woman I like DOES seem really interested and makes me feel confident and happy, I have a HUGE incentive to do the same for her to lift her up too, and to try and keep the relationship going since I'd have the impression that things are going great for both of us.
As someone who gets obsessed very easily, trust me girly you *do not* want someone thinking about you 24/7 until it hurts both them and you. It's not cute, it hurts lmao
when you say "obsessed", do you mean romantically or just in any way? Also, theoretically, there would be nothing wrong with you and the other person to spend all your waking time together. i understand that this is a highly unlikely scenario but it is technically possible for a human to exist who is also obsessed with you in the same way In that hypothetical case, it would be fine. Probably great even because, i assume, you must be capable of emotions way more intense than the ones i feel. Can i ask, what makes you obsessed with those specific humans? Feel free to not reply if i was too "intrusive" btw, sorry if i was
@@xancer. Thank you for replying is it possible to force oneself to be passionate about something? are you passionate? why? what makes someone or something special to the point where constant interaction doesnt become increasingly dull? or it does and thats why some people can just "get bored" of their so-called partner?
@@strangeclaims well the thing about passion is you aren’t guaranteed to feel it forever. i personally believe a strong relationship is built on trust and commitment more than anything. relationships aren’t just about how you feel in the moment. it’s what you do when you aren’t feeling super passionate that proves how strong the relationship is. people who leave because they’re “bored” aren’t ready for long term relationships. they should be romantic friendships more than anything and if you look at it that way it makes no sense to be obsessed with your friends and family or loved ones.
Personally I think this is a big win for feminism, since all of these tiktok accounts prove that not only men but also women can recieve dogshit dating advice from psychos online.
And they're strangely similar. Same love bombing, same creeping touch, same push-pull strategies. They even use the same lingo. "High quality" men are seeking "high quality" women and vice versa. Thankfully I don't belong to either group so I'm safe from them
How to make a man or maiden or enchanting mystical unfathomable being be obsessed with you: 1.Dont listen to alpha males 2.Dont listen to tiktok 3.Watch Chad Chad
As a man, I can say with 100% certainty that there's nothing more attractive to a guy than feeling insecure in a relationship, wondering if his interest is reciprocated, there's nothing better. 👌👌👌
Yeah you,d think it'd be clear that people wouldn't want something done to them that you don't want done to you: AND YET..... Lots of so-called coaches out there, making TONS of money off of dudes' backs. Guess logic isn't their F forte, huh!
Thank you for this honestly. As someone who grew up in an abusive household I internalized a lot of toxic traits from my parents and never really knew what was "normal" or healthy. I think today's culture normalizes many of those toxic immature traits and for me makes them harder to unlearn.
Cishetetonomitive conditioning makes us see relationships as a zero-sum conflict. You wouldn't be with someone if you didn't want affection from them, but letting them know that gives them power over you. If you withhold affection from them, you can get them to work harder for the slightest hint that you might reciprocate just a little.
@@snkybrki No idea what cishetetonomitive conditioning is because cishetetonomitive (cisheteronormative?) isn't a word, but what I got from the second part is that even though everyone wants affection in a relationship, if you let the other know then you give them power. I suppose, because affection is something that they can choose to give to you or not. But if you don't give them any affection, they'll work harder because they want to be shown affection, and they'd think that the only reason you wouldn't show them affection is because they weren't working hard enough. In summary, don't let the other person know that you want their affection otherwise they'll know that they have power over something you want, and purposely don't give them any affection so that they'll work harder to please you, I think?? I don't know, I think I might've made it worse. Ah.
@@lefu87williford55 I think(?) you’re making a good point, but it’s hard to tell when you talk like that. Stop speaking in riddles and say it in a way the world will understand, if you actually want people to
The ones that basically tell you to have your own life aren't that bad. There is worse advice you could give a teenage girl who doesn't like herself and thinks her self worth is dependent on a man than "You should have friends and interests independent of any romantic relationship."
@@spiritualsnail1584 Does it though? Straight girls want boyfriends, that's just how it works lmao, yes they want to know how to make that happen. 💀 If anything it's a direct counter to the toxic "sexual competition" narrative that a lot of people spread. Like, nobody really even implied that having a boyfriend was the source of worth, they said self worth is the source of a boyfriend, which is inarguably true.
@@spiritualsnail1584 eh, depending on who's watching, that might be the best way to get through to a kid. Some young teens get really obsessed with being in a relationship and can't let it go. I don't think it's the best message, but there are worse things than tricking teenage girls into pursuing their interests and building healthy friendships.
@@Kfroguari dont know if the intention of that woman was to trick little girls into becoming independent. Thats a huge assumption. Ive met people like that and they genuinely want to make themselves appear interesting and wanted (thus they create a social group fawning over them) in order to attract more admirers. They dont even hide this, a girl i met and got close with literally told me she did this and that she just life hacked “men”. Of course this is also my own assumption but given that those women in the videos live off off date coaching and tutorials on how to make men obsessed with u im gonna say my assumption seems closer to reality
@@meli1872 I'd still say it's on the more harmless end of online dating advice. Getting hobbies, friends, a career, interests, make it more likely that the person will end up at the "I don't actually need a romantic partner to be fulfilled and happy" conclusion independently
As a female, the way I like to attract men is to insult their life styles and burn everything around them that could ever cause them joy in life unless its focused on me. ❤
Normally those who latch on to those frivolous labels are the ones who truly lack a sense of self so they look for it in tropes such as “that girl” or “dark feminine” etc Like girl you dont need to fit into an aesthetic to have an identity, love
Finally someone is mocking this "be interesting by acting uninterested" garbage. Seriously. Met way too many women who acted incredibly rude only to then turn around and confess their crush when drunk. As if them being friendly somehow makes us think less of them ..
Men do it as much as women. Which is odd to me. For centuries women were taught that being passive was feminine and men naturally take the lead. But men never were told that. It wasn't charming when women did it so why do men think it's gonna work for them.
@@acegikm Absolutely not. Hard disagree. Also - men do naturally take the lead. We knew all that for generations and it worked pretty fine. Problem is that in our cultural climate, we are shamed and punished for it, yet women still rely on us risking rejection because they themselves tend to be too afraid. It's not an accident that this generation is the most self-sexualizing, yet the one having the least amount of sex. It's a bed women make themselves. A bit late to complain about that and also a bit lame.
expressing your feelings openly is a vulnerable position to put yourself in, people act this way to protect themselves from the pain of potential rejection. it's not a good strategy, social interaction always comes with a risk, but this behaviour has its reasoning behind it
@@acegikm I don't think that most men who do that do it to be manipulative. It's probably more to protect our egos or the stability of a friendship by not "letting the cat out of the bag." Personally, I'd rather just assume that my infatuation is unrequited than deal with the messiness and pain of my feelings making someone else uncomfortable.
7:15 As a man, I can say this is sadly true. It's one of what makes our life so difficult. I mean like goddamn, you can't imagine how many times I've fallen in love with random people just because I eat their handmade food! I can't even go to restaurants and haven't touched grass in 30 years because my parents always buy me food from local shops!!
Just a correction: Common poison meds from the colonial times (John Adams times) were opium and mercury. When it came to babies they probably would have given them opium. Mercury was also very common in colonial America. It was usually only given to adults because it was prescribed most commonly for melancholy (depression and other mood disorders) and syphilis. Conditions that are not associated with children.
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I flirt like in the Sims 😂 "compliment their appearance" "ask if single" "deep conversation" "tell funny story" "compliment their appearance" "flirt" "flirt" "get to know" "flirt" and boom!! Now let's get married and woohoo!!! 🤣🤣🤣
I don’t think any normal person would want to abuse somebody into being ✨obsessed✨ with them unless they aspire to become a story on true crime channel
@@pahradahdinanini If you don't give them attention, they'll only work harder because they think that they're not good enough for you. You don't want them to feel like that. Then eventually it gets to a point where they think that they'll just never be good enough for you and it's better for them to leave. It won't make you more interesting, because they're not obsessed over you, they're obsessed over why the relationship is failing. Instead of trying to manipulate them, I think it would be better to look into yourself instead and try find out why they think you're boring, then judge how you might improve your own flaws. It's going to be a lot harder but you'll immediately be a better person and a better choice if you're able to succeed. Because if you use these tactics to try and get them more interested, eventually they'll find out you're just manipulating them. Then you'll have downgraded yourself from uninteresting to downright toxic. The reason why you might use these techniques doesn't matter, because even if you don't intend to hurt people, they're structured in a way that just does.
@@inihilisme1511 yeah i noticed that. I only ever distanced myself from people who disapointed me so..., actualy it's a bad tactic but it would seem useful when you badly think about it. I know why it's bad and i won't do it don't worry
I don't like that way of thinking, it implies that people that can't find relationships have some sort of moral or personality fatal flaw that makes it impossible for them to be in a relationship. Life is fucked up, sometimes you can be the kindest person that has ever existed and never feel loved by anyone in your entire existence.
@Smileman-rq7zk congratulations. You tried to make a stranger who've done nothing bad to you feel bad about themselves. You can now sit in front of the mirror and smile at yourself while trying to forget how insecure and bitter you are.
@Smileman indeed they won't obsessed with her, because they will love her the healthy and heartfelt manner that she deserves. That doesn't seem to be your fate though, a bad personality isn't attractive ❤
I had a housemate who got so obsessed with me she asked to be my girlfriend 20 times, and when I moved out, she called the police and told them I'd stolen a bunch of her stuff. Anyway turns out the way to get girls OBSESSED with you is to wander around with a vacant expression, visibly scratching your junk
It also works if you are her age just walking around on valentines day in a quiet neighbourhood going a usual route, i suggest you start avoiding the area you find your first stalker in afterwards.
Maybe I’m just autistic, but dating doesn’t seem that hard? I picked a cute person who made me happy, and then I was nice to her and did my best to make her happy. Five years later we’re going on our second wedding anniversary.
Good for you, but you just got extremely lucky, and I can't even emphasize how lucky. I did the same with ~9 girls now and still no luck. Try a lottery next time
@@jirivlk9862 maybe some self-reflection is in order. What went wrong? Were your values not aligned? What did they say about why the relationship ended? Why do you think the relationship ended?
Wow! So lucky. That’s awesome. For some people tho, they want to have passion, not just think they’re cute, but tho k they’re a literal goddess in looks… why am I saying this. I want someone who actually likes me.
my mom once told me that love and dating should be easy. she told me that when she met my dad it was easy, there were no games involved and they quickly got married and still are too this day. no it’s never perfect but they truly love each other. social medias new way of love is just horrible, as someone who’s been through the whole being talked to a lot then being ignored it’s really mentally exhausting and as someone who’s extra sensitive it makes you feel horrible. if you truly like or even love someone don’t make it hard, don’t play games, make it easy on them and you’ll more than likely have a better relationship. not saying there’s a 100% chance but having a non-toxic relationship is so much better
I've tried with girls who were busy all the time. Turns out they didn't just follow bad dating advice, but were actually busy. Turns out you can't date people when you're too dodgamn busy all the time!
As someone who just had to turn down someone I actually am interested in because of being too busy (medical issues mainly) busy gals appreciate your understanding 🙏
@@checkmattee222 Whoooa, so not only are you an expert on women but apparently you can also read the minds of the women this guy dated through *his* RU-vid comment and figure out they were lying. Mad skills, man. /s
@@sillypotato53 Gaslight✨Gatekeep⛓Girlboss💅 That was obviously a joke! By the way, I'm glad OP knows what's best for them. We all need some love, respect and honesty in our lives, don't we?
The point isn't to make him obsessed with you, but to make him think you're the only woman who would tolerate him. It's the same reason abusive men do the same thing.
As a man, all I want is my partner to be kind to me and laugh at my dumb jokes. That's honestly it. All these mindgames and stuff, it's not attractive to me. If someone acts like they're not interested... I'll think they're uninterested, and I'll move on. Time is short and precious. Let's not waste it on dumb stuff like which way you hold your drink.
I do wonder sometimes how people get the idea that (well-adjusted, sane) men somehow enjoy mind games? My suspicion is that they don't see many examples of it working. Rather, they see examples of men PUTTING UP WITH IT because they're so attracted to the woman in question already, and too naive to know a red flag when they see one.
Yea I just treat guys like friends, you really don't have to work to make a guy interested, like, bruh we already have the upper hand in dating because men are often affection starved.
Yes! As someone who took way too long to realise I was ace, the best advice I'd always give to someone who's feeling down because they get rejected/can't find someone is: forget partners for a bit, enjoy life, get hobbies, but do it for you. Better to be a fulfilled person except for a partner, than have a relationship be the only thing you've got going on. And maybe, if you're like me, you'll realise the problem wasn't that you couldn't make relationships work, it was that you were unhappy and thought a relationship would fix it, but you hated being in relationships, so you were torturing yourself.
@@lefu87williford55 it's not about waiting until you're perfect until you start a relationship, it's about working on yourself for your own sake. If you aren't happy by yourself outside of a relationship, you won't be happy in a relationship, that's what I didn't get for a long time. To quote Rupaul: "if you can't love yourself, how the hell can you love someone else"
@@lefu87williford55 that's... a little bit of projection, I think. No one was saying to ignore current boyfriends, i said if you're obsessed with how to get a partner, maybe work on yourself first, but don't do it for in order to get a partner, do it for yourself. And yes, people love people with self esteem issues, but self esteem issues aren't solved by being loved.
