I've struggled with this issue of disappointment and regret. It has helped me to acknowledge my vulnerability and work toward being at peace with all of the good things I wanted and the bad things that came my way so that I can appreciate the chance to exist, to be alive, to feel the pain and joy, and love and the daily rebirth of each morning. It is a long life. Our sorrows are real. The seasons change and if we look for it we will see the beauty in it harshest realities. I hope you have a community, which also helps. Stay strong and be that desert rose that blooms in trying times.
I'm 35 and I'm having a very hard time this year. I have 3 kids and realize my life's pretty much set now. I feel like nobody truly likes me for me. I question everyone's motives including my wife's. I'm looking into every little thing to much. I have a extreme fear of death as well. So much so it dominates my thoughts past 8pm till I go to sleep. I'm lost right now. Feel like I want to fight everyone for no reason to prove something to myself. I even went out and bought a new Camaro and Truck and a house. Trying to find some help. But I don't wanna ask for help or look weak to my wife. Idk what to do.
Mine was more expensive than a Porche. I used a 1/3 of my retirement to pay off all debt, move to another country, and revamp my lifestyle towards minimalism. My husband has somehow stuck through it all with me and should be joining me in our new country soon. My triggers were severe, chronic stress, related to overwork, poor diet, lack of exercise and deep debt, which is so common to the American lifestyle. Most people thought I was going crazy, and in some ways they were right. But had I stayed in the US, with the current social and political climate, I WOULD have killed myself. I am much better now and am looking forward to what the next chapter in our life brings. (After all this COVID crap is over).
@@elizabethwilson4698 Hi Elizabeth. I was originally from the Czech Republic, so I ended up getting my Czech passport, getting into the UK prior to Brexit, and now I have pre-settled status in the UK as an EU citizen. I love living in Northeast England. People are super nice, stoic, have a great sense of humour, and are mostly non-religious (a huge plus as far as I am concerned). Walking in some of the most gorgeous nature I have ever seen is part of the culture, as is gardening (both great loves of mine). My husband thinks I am just a tiny bit obsessed with sheep and their lambs. Between spring lambs and flowers, I can be a bit of a hazard on the road, because I have a hard time keeping my eyes ON the road, haha. There are sheep, cows, horses, and dogs EVERYWHERE. The stunning historic sites are another bonus. Did I say I am in love with England? ; )
It happens to all of us. I’m 50 yr Old and went through much of it in my 40s. The light at the end of the tunnel is as such.. at first the regrets set in. Later, you learn how to manage those feelings of regret and somehow come to an “acceptance” of “this is how things turned out, and it’s meant to be this way”... When things begin to turn around and really get better is when you transition out of the “acceptance” phase and into a phase of “embracement” - where you now have learned to truly “embrace” all that has been given to you or not given to you and you begin to find ways to live a life that uses and make the best of what circumstances were handled to you. I know it sounds cliche but moving into this phase has helped me tremendously. For me, it was being single at 40, never married, no children, etc. I eventually came to the mindset that I was going to wake up every day appreciating my time given to improve myself and make the best body - physically, emotionally and mentally for myself. Nowadays, I’m at a point in life where I wouldn’t have it any other way. That’s ultimately the best position to be in. I also found it helpful for me to volunteer at a senior living facility, and a homeless shelter. You’ll find it helps to take your mind off of your issues by helping others cope with theirs.
I'm 37 and for months I've been struggling, that leads me to learn about midlife crisis. Thanks to this channel. Just like a camera, needs to refocus to stay focused.
As I'm turning 40 this year I feel as though I am standing on a mountain top looking out into the vast unknown full of valleys hills and I look back on all my accomplishments my relationships I am so glad I watched this video. as my children get older and my wife I realize the only direction in this lifetime is forward and it makes me want to be a kinder gentler loving person because I know this is the beginning of perhaps the greatest chapter of my life.
your impeding fall into physical and mental weakness, and eventual death is near. Accept it and move on, grandpa. Stop being so emotional like a bittttch
I'm a 60 year old man retired for 5 years and have been feeling this way for some time. Your video was spot on I drink every night I used to work out 3 to 4 times a week but haven't for some time. the only thing in my case I might add is some men in this group probably have certain life burdens that add to there crisis, taking care of loved ones, raising your grand children & so on, this can add to more overwhelming feelings as well. I'll probably look into therapy but will try your 10 seeps for starters. thanks
Mr4444jl, glad to hear you are willing to give the ideas a try. Once you get into it, I think you will begin to feel better. Our stresses don't leave as we get older, but we can deal with them positively.
These days midlife crises starts from as soon as u graduate ...( Varies from person to person may be,) ........u realise how things are evolving in every second... the video is ever green for every phase..Thanks
That's just a crisis then, having a crisis because you have no clue what to do after graduating is not the same for someone old enough to retire from a job and wondering if that's all and what's next.
I'm 35. I'm not going through this but was curious what this means and how to cope with it since I know someone who's experiencing this. Thanks for this video. It's very helpful.
I am so surprised there are not more views on this. I am 55 and going through a bit of mid life crisis “again”. My first one was at 40. The mention of the use of drugs and alcohol is profound as I actually have been drinking more to adjust and numb myself. Very straightforward suggestions Thanks!!
Guys; know that you are doing great! Everything is falling into place for you very soon! This is the best time to head in that direction which you were always meant to go. Everything up til now happened for a great Devine reason! You are EXACTLY right where you are supposed to be at this moment in your life, and are headed towards the best phase of your life!!! With that said, you are now about to reap the benefits of your tremendous wisdom gained from all these experiences. Start that workout regimen! Get the wheels moving to start that business that you’ve always had in the back of your head. Today begins the first day of the best of your life! You’re gonna do this! 💪😎👍STAY STRONG !!!
It's one thing to be depressed about the things you could've done differently yourself and handled your own issues, but what if you've lost all hope in humanity? How to deal with that? Great video btw!
Neo4Ever, I know it can seem hopeless at times, but it isn't. So many people are out in the world doing good. Find a place to volunteer or give back and you will find other people doing the samne.
Haha, we haven't had a problem yet, Captain Obvious. My desire is to help people, so I am going to do what I can. Thank you for being at Live On Purpose TV.
I'm only 16 and I have so many muddles thoughts I want to get rid off. But I can't. Every passing day seems like a challenge and makes me anxious to sleep at night. I feel like my life will be over before I even knew it. Especially now that I'm in new surroundings and missing people who are distant from me by area, it hurts even more. Thank you for helping me. I will move on and I will keep trying
Great video, im 24 and experiencing this ... people around me (including my family) keep telling me im "old enough" for this, and for that ... But it's not coming naturally to me, ie. I dont desire those things that society imposes on you and Id rather be free, alone, happy and ambitious. Im not sure what to do tbh, nobody is wrong/right here, its just the way we humans have built our society :/
malhar jajoo, stay true to yourself and your desires. Let others know that you understand they are coming from a place of love and are happy with your choices.
@dale gribble Spot on! I just turned 47 a week ago and I have exactly the same thoughts. anxiety and depression is consuming all my thoughts and energy and I'm certain that no car in the world is going to change that, unless I drive it off a clip... A lot of my depression comes not only from what I could've done when younger, but from disappointment on the human race... What we could have achieved (heaven on earth) and look at the world today. Just a huge battleground and a giant waste dump with endless shopping malls. So sad...
Thank you. You hit the nail on the head in the 1st minute. That's exactly how I have been feeling. I will work on all of your suggestions 👍 I thought my issue was my job that I have had for 21 years now. I thought I just needed a new job but now I understand that may not be the case at all. Thank you
I just turned 40 and I made just about every bad decision a person could make in my 20s and 30s and it's hard not to focus on the regret/ what ifs/ disappointment / and stay in the moment. Then I wanna fix it all in 5 minutes when it took me 40 years of bad choices to get here.I know gratitude for the things I do have is the key but it's hard not to drift back to regret & disappointment. Your video is spot on though. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.
Wow! Thank you so much, very well said, definitely helpful and the answers for us who just realize that what is happening is a mid life crisis. All you said are the best. Thank you so much! This means so much to me, You saved my life. More power and Thank you again!
Thank you thank you so much for your tips. You bring things up that I haven't heard before and make a lot of sense. And I love the friendly and positive way you explain things.
I know exactly what you mean! You do something for 20 years or so then you get stuck with doing things you know. There is going back to college and learning something knew but that's not available for everyone. I feel you!
I had a friend that had the same thoughts on employment that you have had Torres. He found meaning in employment by finding a trilling job. He now robs banks and is on the edge sooo much that he ain't got time to be thinking about meaning.
My wife felt the same for a long tim. No meaningful employment despite having a college degree. Eventually she became content and at peace with being the best mother and wife in the world. She's doing a wonderful work, and her importance to our family gives her new purpose. She is the center of our lives, especially the kids, and we literally can't live without her. Refocus.
Thank you thank you for this video, I will be forwarding to my X boyfriend. Recently My 43 yo boyfriend, decided that he needs to find himself and bought himself a sporty vehicle and left me , he is def going thru a “mid life crisis “ 😢. He just got up one day and said , I am done! We had a family together a home and a hot damn girlfriend (he always said it) but that didn’t save our family . So mid life crisis makes man blind . But I hope he sees the video and puts some hard work in the 10 points you mention . I am wishing and praying that he wakes up from this nightmare. Thank you again for your warm positive vibes on the video .
I thank you for the way you explained how to cope with it. I am a wife I have practiced all my life the 10 tips rules . Is my life style. I believe in it 💯. But my husband is the opposite. He is going through the crisis. I , as a wife I am suffering seeing him getting depressed. But I do understand that is the lack of knowledge that is not helping him to come out safely. I am here supporting him 💯. I would like to add one more tip : Eat healthy... avoid fatty food or fried or read meat. Eat more healthy. Drink plenty water and avoid too much caffeine. I thank you all for the comments. It safes lives and marriages. 🙏🥰.
I’m 14 and I often cry, thinking about how death will come one day. I was thinking i may have an “early “midlife” crisis”… Thank you for your video, it really helped me, feeling better!
@@iiCounted-op5jx This is separation anxiety. It comes at the stage where we become truly aware that we are responsible for our own life. Not parents, school nor society will take care of us in the way that only we can take care of ourselves. For the first time we therefore realize our own mortality as a separate individual. That's the challenge for the stage you are in. Welcome to life !
Thank you for this. Just to prove that I am in fact dealing with these issues, I woke up at 4:30 a.m. made my coffee, and the first thing I typed in the search RU-vid bar was how to deal with a midlife crisis.
@CLB Ronin You're never too old to get an education. Starting at 26 might be better than 18+ reason I say that is because you won't get caught up in the party life and younger crowd. Your more mature now and can focus on what really matters
I’m only 35. Why does these things happen to me?? I don’t know what I want anymore in life. I feel frustrated that I haven’t experienced & achieved much at this point in my life. Then 3 yrs ago, I was diagnosed with a rare blood disease despite living a healthy & active lifestyle which limited my activities & changed my outlook in life. But I’m at my breaking point now. I want a big change in my life.
This is happening to me right now. I got sober after 10+ years of smoking marijuana all day every day and drinking alcohol. Now I find myself as a 38 year old man barely hanging on in a tiny studio apartment with a struggling small business. Getting strong impulses to put the business through bankruptcy and getting out but there are so many obligations/debts it's like a huge web of complexity. Having serious depression and bad thoughts about myself. Feeling overwhelmed. Feeling like I want to go to a foreign country and become a monk for 5 years and leave everything behind.
I’m nearly 38 with three kids and going through this right now. I crave speed, adrenaline and excitement to feel free and young, and to get back some lost golden years where I settled down too soon. Please could you expand on what the “upgrade” might entail? Thank you.
Bigburt 82, by "upgrade" I mean an improvement in a particular area of life that you seeking. Based off your short comment, I would like to make a few recommendations. You can take none, one, or all of them: Please check out our Positive Personal Development playlist - ru-vid.com/group/PLq2mRDkHEBPCYtqYUCuzsyYpAlzKZDVVV and/or our Positive Relationship Resources playlist - ru-vid.com/group/PLq2mRDkHEBPA410uJ9woXx9B9WiPyM7fX This video that came out on Monday may also be beneficial: "What to Do to MAKE Yourself HAPPY" - ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-CSyRMux1g4Y.html If you think this may be an issue that affects your life or your family's life deeply, some coaching or counseling might be advisable. I'd like to offer a free 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches. If you would like to take advantage of this offer, please go here to schedule the call: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall Honored to have you at Live On Purpose TV.
I’m in the exacte opposite situation. Had 2 consecutive severe burnouts in my late twenties. All of my friends are in a long term relationships and already have 1 or 2 small childeren. I feel I’ve missed the boat and still being single at age 34 with no kids. I hope things are better for you now
@@YZFMANIAC08 I think we will all be facing something different as we aged. some regret not settling down early some regret settling down too early and the grass is always greener on the other side. I am 36 and not married and wished I am. The sad side is that I am dating someone who just hit 41 and going tru midlife crisis and I am left wondering what’s waiting for me down the road. I suggested we break up and take a rest but he is so scared that he will regret losing me if he pursue his desire. But he is also unable to give himself fully and he knows that. I feel like stuck…
45 now, quite depressed recently. A lot of regret for making a lot of wrong choices in the pass 30 years, now lead me to nowhere. Last month I had a terrible cut by accident, my logical mind said press the wound and stop the bleeding. My another thought said just let the blood pour out. On the surgical table my logical mind was analysing the risk of anesthesia, my another thought said it would be nice if I never woke up. No one to talk to. It's unfair to pour these negativity to friends. I have a lot ot courses and books, I can never finish them.
Sounds like you could use an accountability partner. Consider getting some coaching. It could help to take you to the next step. www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall.
I'm 28 and i turn 29 in a few months. I'm mostly just sad because time seems to fly and i don't want to turn older. I don't want to turn 30, i want to stay young and free from what's expected in the 30s. It's been like that for a while now. I've talked to friends and family but they tell me not to worry, but i can't help it.
Sebastian, I suppose that you don't want to hear me say... I'm in my 50s and don't think the 30s were so bad. OK, I won't say it then. : ) Honestly, life is what you make of it, not what happens to you (even aging). I think you would greatly benefit from reading my book "Pathological Positivity". I am giving it away for free (just ask that you pay for the shipping). If you would like to take advantage of this offer, please go here to order the book: drpauljenkins.info/freebook In the meantime, you may find this video helpful since you say you can't help worrying: "7 Ways To Stop Worrying About The Future" - ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-W9iwGs8E8DM.html
what do you call when youre about to get 30 in you still dont get what you want all your goals all your dreams, its becoming more far and you become depressed
Checka Minute, there are tons of stories out there about people thinking they were too old and not giving up. Our dreams aren't on a timeline of our making, sometimes it takes longer and those lessons we learned along the way make our arriving that much sweeter. Practice positivity and listen in to my podcast at Live On Purpose Radio. You can find it at my website, drpauljenkins.com.
I hear you, but the reality is that nobody who achieves anything of real value has done so easily. Put another way, behind every great achievement is a difficult past. My encouragement to you is to not be quick to drop your dreams, but if your current plan to achieve them isn't working, consider changing the plan not the dream.
My mom is 80 and just now learning Spanish as shes always wanted. And we plan to paint together and possibly learn piano together. She made her kids her lifelong dream rather than acheive the other things she wanted. But there is still time for some, in order for her to feel acomplished beyond the incredible job of all shes done with us otherwise.
You are most welcome. Live On Purpose offers a free 30 minute coaching and get acquainted session. Here is the calendar: calendly.com/liveonpurpose-team/free
Im 23, my wife is military and we have an 18 month old son. Moved 3200 miles away from our families. I feel like im going through this because I do not have a stable career. The more I look at my son the older he gets, and I feel the pressure of being a father and showing him that I have a career. I work at a grocery store full time and have been for over 3 years now, but I am looking towards starting school or a skillful trade. Woke up at 2 am sitting upright with intrusive thoughts about being someone who just 'gets by.' I am willing to apply myself to something, but im unsure how to begin!
PJ Hill, You are young, try something that sounds interesting to you and see where it takes you. If you are supporting your family and being there for your wife and mother, you are doing what you need to do.
Its been more than a year since I accomplished my biggest life goal, sat down with myself and said "Is that it?" So much of what you said resonated with me, but the only way I have found that I can now feel alive is by fantasizing about my new life, built atop the shreds of my old one. I am just dying to burn it all down. I know that divorcing my wife and moving to another city would imply that I would end up mostly being lonely. However, I cannot also be in limbo foreover waiting for the crisis to end. I fear I am about to have a major blowup and there is nothing I can do about it. After a decade of hardwork and accomplishing my biggest life goal, its strange to find myself in such a deep depression and so thoroughly confused. I was expecting a red carpet and fulfillment.
Black Knight, interesting how success doesn't always bring happiness. However, happiness (gratitude for what you currently have) will always bring success, though the outside world may not see it. I frequently tell my clients that I will get behind their upgrade all day long, once they realize they don't need it. I'm going to make a few suggestions, and you can take or leave them: Watch "How Gratitude Can Change Your Life" - ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-jKDOl8g__pw.html Browse through the Positive Personal Development playlist and see if there is anything that sounds interesting to you: ru-vid.com/group/PLq2mRDkHEBPCYtqYUCuzsyYpAlzKZDVVV Consider taking advantage of our free 25 minute call with a Live On Purpose coach. They can guide you away from the major blowup and deep depression you mentioned. Here is where you can schedule the call: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall However you proceed, I want to say thank you for being at Live On Purpose TV.
Black knight, I feel the same way. I need a total reboot. I've been sad /depressed for a while. I'm 55 and the mortality and questioning everything is driving me crazy.
Thank you for this video. When I was venting to my friend, he told me I may be having a quarter life crisis. This video has helped me so much. I think my depression from family violence that caused my disability that made me take breaks from university really hit me hard. Then going to the women's shelter to escape violence. Returning when the violent person moves out of the family. Then a different member of the family becomes just as violent and breaks my trust. Covid keeping me and my partner seperated due to border closure for 1.5years. Then my best friend's drowning that happened and my fiance becoming toxic to me so I needed to end the relationship within the same week. Im glad I am coming back to my faith and found a new hobby. I am actively trying to be more social friendship wise in christian groups and date. Sometimes guys in dating are so mean and the older women in christian groups are also so mean right now. I feel very at my end. Maybe when my depression started I didn't think I'd love this long so maybe that's why the coming closer to 25 next year is scaring me. I think I'm too self blaming and hard on myself wanting myself to bounce back faster or to my expectations. Also being the motherly figure for my family parents and friends is what I usually am so when I can't perform I feel bad that I can't solve their stuff either. Its been a few years of this sort of thing. I need to do something idk what. I enjoy watching these calming videos about being kind and caring and solution based towards yourself. I rather the natural way and life style changes in stead of medication that has worse side effects or self medicating as you said "please don't start those addictions". Please pray for me. If anyone had advice with kindness please let me know. I am way too mean to myself.
Are there service organizations within the community that could use some help? This would be a great way for you meet some other people and contribute.
He could be going through something like this. Nurture your relationship and don't get in the middle of your parent's relationship. That is something they need to work on,
Gosh i wish Dr. Paul lived next door, I'd be on a restraining order LOL, Kidding Dr. Paul I just love you guys so much. You are aligned with what God made you for in my opinion. I'm an encourager too but My battery gets drained and I feel lonely. You making daily videos blows my mind! anyway Love and peace and strength in your marriage and family!
LandonGendur, you are not alone. Please consider taking advantage of my free Breakthrough Call at calendly.com/liveonpurpose-team/free?month=2019-12. Thank you for watching, and feel free to browse around for more helpful videos.
You should definitely live. Each day is a gift and one you can use to make your life better by 8 as I say. You know 8:00 is coning so do something to make your life better. Apologize, reinforce a healthy behavior. Anything. As you do this it will become a habit and you will see the benefits.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Well, it was apparently OCD. Thank you for responding. It makes every day a hell, not a gift. Every single moment is hell with OCD where you can't relax. It's not really worth living with this. It never goes away fully either.
Thanks bro my mom has been arguing with my dad for the past 2-3 months and she has been acting like someone else and she's way more meaner and I honest to God don't know what to do because I'm only 12 so I can't really help her but I can at least try
I'm only 14. I've recently been noticing slight memory problems from my dad. Asked him about it and said that it was a factor of aging. Now I somewhat experience this - it sucks.
I love my midlife awakening, really wish i had it earlier and definately don't want it to go away. Finally seeing thru the stupid success and impress game and realising that i don't have to be a slave to it. The sportscar thing is just a stupid stereotype, to me it's the total opposite, really want to sell my "prestige" car and using the money on something personally important to me 😊 All the best from Norway 😊👍
Kinda ironic that physical activity is in the list. I think I've got middle life crysis because of my elbow injury when I was in a gym. My ligaments are not as young as my mind :(. Thanks for video.
john mark cagalawan, thank you for watching - I hope the video helped. We have other videos on the Positive Personal Development playlist that you might find useful - ru-vid.com/group/PLq2mRDkHEBPCYtqYUCuzsyYpAlzKZDVVV We have a couple more resources if you are interested. I am giving away my book for free. It's called "Pathological Positivity," and I just ask that you pay for the shipping. You can access that here: drpauljenkins.info/freebook Additionally, we have a free 25 minute call with one of my Live On Purpose coaches. If that sounds like it would be helpful, here's the link to schedule the call: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall Best wishes.
I am having a hard time with mid life crisis as I am a failure and have no accomplishments in life. Every night I cried myself to sleep and wake up tired and no energy for work.
1:14 (10) Acknowledge what's happening 1:45 (9) Refocus on your achievement. It always could be better, it always could be worse 3:10 (8) Avoid alcohol and other drags 4:12 (7) Think twice about big purchase 4:56 (6) Talk to someone, please 5:39 (5) Think upgrade 6:31 (4) Key relationship 8:17 (3) Physical activity 9:10 (2) Spend some time to quiet all noises (pray, yoga, meditation) 9:55 (1) Practice positivity 11:02 Outro
Im in my late 18s and i feel like time has flied so fast and i have done NOTHING with it, started fearing time, death, being alone, i never had these thoughts until i had an accident about a year and a half ago and since then i have not been happy nor the same, my mom is bed sick and my grandma is near her 80s and i feel unable to do anything except cry wanting to go back in time and do things differently, i really wish i was stronger minded to do things and help them but i just cant, i really dont know whats wrong with me
Tom, it might be time to get a coach or someone to help you through everything. If you feel stuck, this is a good option. www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall.
Rust DDO, I don't know what the specifics are. Try some of the tips for someone older in the video. Look to try something new every day or week. Make a plan and if you need help, consider a coach www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall.
Am in my late 20s, been feeling like this since I turned 18, bro. Just feel like I should have invented flying cars by now, and I'm not even in engineering or anything. Don't know if I should laugh or cry about it, mostly I choose to laugh.
I'm certainly going through one now. Buying a sports car, having n affair, fantasizing about reliving my youth, changing my career, etc. These are all things I can't stop thinking about...
What gets me going is being grateful for being healthy in this time of health crisis in the world. Nothing is ever perfect so to seek perfection of the perfect life is pointless.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I am trying to incorporate the teachings of Buddhism also. Be present in the moment and realize nothing is permanent, especially hard times.
at least some people can afford a porche . im 40 and have nothing to show for it and it looks like were headed for yet another recession ... im failing to see the point in trying any more