This is by far one of the best videos on this topic! Besides the clarification of terms and what that means, you are the first person ever to describe HOW to give yourself the closure. The concept you just presented is filled with so much helpful insight and practical advice. For the first time ever I feel like knowing what to do in order to find the closure I need to move on. Until now it was a constant struggle between head and heart, a fight inside myself between protecting myself and loving someone who cannot meet my needs. Your concept is compassionate, educating and transforming. Thank you for that!!!
The part that you wrote”loving someone who cannot meet my needs” is spot on! You’ve given me words for the attachment I still emotionally have with me ex-lover which I myself have not been able to put words to my feelings before. Thank you 🙏
Notes from the video: 1: Achieving relationship closure: from rupture to repair - Closure involves mending a damaged bond in a relationship and comprehending each other's emotions and thoughts. - Relationships experience a cycle of connection, disconnection, problem-solving, and reconnection. - Shame may arise from losing connection, but it can highlight differing opinions. - Accepting when someone no longer wants to connect is crucial and requires letting go. - Closure can be found by addressing our past selves in the relationship, learning from the experience, and growing individually. 2: The connection cycle in relationships - The cycle consists of connection, disconnection, problem resolution, and reconnection. - Connection brings closeness and understanding. - Disagreements or misunderstandings can lead to disconnection. - Resolving problems requires discussing emotions and understanding perspectives. - Reconnection follows repair, promoting closeness and relationship growth. 3: The impact of shame on understanding disconnection - Shame emerges from perceived wrongdoing or disappointment. - Losing connection can trigger shame, which may feel like personal failure. - Recognizing shame's role in disconnection allows for learning and relationship improvement. - It is essential to acknowledge that mistakes are natural and shame is part of growth. 4: Respecting choices and pursuing closure - When others choose to disconnect, we must respect their decision. - Acceptance may be challenging, but focusing on personal emotions and growth is essential. - Closure involves healing and moving forward, even without the other person. - Learning and individual growth contribute to finding closure. 5: Attaining closure through self-repair and personal growth - Closure may entail addressing personal issues rather than resolving problems with others. - Reflecting on past experiences and learning from them is crucial. - Growth involves understanding personal emotions and thoughts independently. - Closure can be achieved by improving ourselves and adapting to future situations. - Self-growth and healing are vital components of finding closure in relationships. __ Great Video!
@@heidipriebe1 Hey Heidi, thanks for the great content. I was wondering if you could suggest some related reading material ( research articles, books, etc. ) on closure and/or relationship which is as concise and to the point as your presentation of the subject. You break it down quite effectively.
The hardest and saddest to accept and move on from, is when there was no obvious fight or schism or hard split. You just both stopped talking or meeting, either for no reason at all, or for some subtle buried reason that could have been resolved with a few real conversations.
And when you don’t know how to stop yourself from offloading shame in those moments so you also don’t trust yourself to not do it again in the future when you’re having an emotional flashback.
No, it could not have been. Someone who loves you will make an effort to talk to you and work it out. Yes, it can fail but at least they will try. Someone who doesn’t do that has already let go of you and your relationship because it is of no value to them. No one lets go anything of value.
Ask for the kingdom of God , and God will give you anything that you need. Your eternal life will last much longer than anything you could get here.. This might sound hard, but you don’t need a man/ woman, you need God, and God will give you everything that you need. A man/woman will love you for your physical look/ charisma/ money/ intelligence….. or all the temporary things to fill a void that THEY need and will only love you if you meet their needs, but God loves you for who you are, whatever you are and no matter what your past is. In fact, God doesn’t need you, you need Him, yet He loves you and cares for you. That’s what you need. “For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” _ Matthew 6: 32_33 “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” _ John 8:12 “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” _ matthew 16: 24-25
“You will meet this person again.” That really hit somewhere deep 😭😭😭 Thank you, Heidi! You make these very complicated issues so clear. And thank you for always having a balanced view and making sure that we and the people in our lives we may be in conflict with are treated with respect. No one is being vilified here. Thank you for that ❤
I am so glad you are addressing this. The amount of rage and resentment I have built up over relationships ending badly with people that have NO remorse, have offered NO amends, and just went on to live happy lives is extreme.
Ask for the kingdom of God , and God will give you anything that you need. Your eternal life will last much longer than anything you could get here.. This might sound hard, but you don’t need a man/ woman, you need God, and God will give you everything that you need. A man/woman will love you for your physical look/ charisma/ money/ intelligence….. or all the temporary things to fill a void that THEY need and will only love you if you meet their needs, but God loves you for who you are, whatever you are and no matter what your past is. In fact, God doesn’t need you, you need Him, yet He loves you and cares for you. That’s what you need. “For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” _ Matthew 6: 32_33 “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” _ John 8:12 “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” _ matthew 16: 24-25
This video is probably saving me right now. A week ago i apologized to my ex boyfriend for my toxic behaviours i projected onto him FOR YEARS, because i understood why he responded to me in a certain way that was harming me. He virtually hugged me, said that he misses me and there was no need to apologize but then he never reflected back those words with a caring action, and through this video i feel like i understood that i was apologising while secretly hoping to gain his forgiveness and also connection but it didn't happen, i don't why (i didn't ask him and he didn't clarified it) and now i'm left with rumination. It's hard to accept that the other person is over you and doesn't really wish for another connection with me anymore....i will talk about it to my therapist as well, thank you Heidi ❤
There's nothing wrong with being up front about wanting to try again without putting any immediate pressure on it. You never know. As a man, I'd have nothing wrong with being pursued.
You did the right by reaching out and going halfway to meet him at the healing point. A substantial part of him seems to have arrived but a significant part remained behind. Take the small gift of him acknowledging his feeling of missing you as validating your worth in his life despite the mistakes of the past. As Heidi points out, you will meet him again in others and then you will have the opportunity to treat him differently because you now treat yourself differently. Good luck
My mind is completely blown away with how insightful this video is. I am doing shadow work and grief work after a relationship ended poorly. I’m grateful to receive this knowledge. Thank you
this video was so profound. up to this point Ive really been struggling with letting go of a certain person in my mind. After I finished this video, I feel like I've finally gotten the peace I've been desperately seeking. it's all very sad, but the idea that i will meet this person again in the future in the form of others with similar energy/circumstance etc, and that I will be given a second chance to express myself in a better, wiser, healthier version makes me want to not wallow in thoughts of shame or obsession. Instead, I feel hopeful and obligated to start to actively work on myself and be the better person, starting right this moment. thanks Heidi. : )
I lost a parent recently-ish, so this video was extremely triggering for me (I teared up at what the shaman told you). And yet very healing towards the end too. Thank you for every thing you do.
This is so informative. I broke up with my gf last night on what was our one month anniversary. We spent so much time together that she wanted some time apart. I got sick and after two days she reverted back to her typical logical thought process. Four days later, she told me she no longer had feelings for me but that it wasn’t my fault- she is just too logical and emotions aren’t easy to keep. I asked her if she was willing to put in the work to one day be connected. She said she felt like we are prolonging a breakup. Once I could no longer repair, and seek resolution with her, I ended it. It’s so hard to have connected so well with someone and they flip on a dime but make it a problem you both can solve, only she doesn’t see hope in solving it.
This is some Jedi-level insight that is beautifully and precisely explained, Heidi, and resonates so deeply with me-the version of me as I am today. This one could’ve very easily not have landed with even the version of myself from last week😉, but I am delighted that I was ready to hear it today. Love your work Heidi, you’ve been on my journey for a number of years. Keep up the amazing and brave work you’re doing, and thank you for this one, especially.
this has got to be one of your best videos (i’ve listened to every one of them!) thank you, that was extremely inspiring and helpful. and healing. i’m so thankful i found this channel. i love you so much. 💛
I just hurt so badly over how I hurt this person by not understanding them at all until after the relationship was over. Now I see that they needed to be understood by someone, they gave me the chance and I absolutely blew it. I dont' even want to be back with them, I just want them to know that I see them for who they are and that I am sorry to have hurt them. I hope they feel the same way.
Ask for the kingdom of God , and God will give you anything that you need. Your eternal life will last much longer than anything you could get here.. This might sound hard, but you don’t need a man/ woman, you need God, and God will give you everything that you need. A man/woman will love you for your physical look/ charisma/ money/ intelligence….. or all the temporary things to fill a void that THEY need and will only love you if you meet their needs, but God loves you for who you are, whatever you are and no matter what your past is. In fact, God doesn’t need you, you need Him, yet He loves you and cares for you. That’s what you need. “For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” _ Matthew 6: 32_33 “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” _ John 8:12 “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” _ matthew 16: 24-25
@@wsh0001 I did, however its not always the best idea because sometimes the ex just wants to move on (so Ive been told). Hope it landed well with them.
Your videos really helped me when dealing with my Divorce. I was focusing my thoughts and energy all in the wrong places. When I eliminated all of the negative self talk, the finger pointing, and just dealt with the pain, I got the closure I needed.
What an awesome verbal summary of what I just spent a thoroughly painful 9 years by myself w/o a therapist to finally realize the week before my 69th birthday - today. Lol Thank you!!! You are laser clear and spot on with this. All of it.
Thank you so much for your channel. Back in 2018 and 2019 I was in a really rough space in life. I spent all day at work listening to different RU-vid channels trying to get the help I couldn't afford to purchase. All the other channels only offered ways to identify the name of what people could struggle with and then said that the solutions to this issue could be solved by signing up for their monthly healing program for hundreds of dollars. So thank you so so much for offering actually healing techniques to the things you discuss in you videos. They are truly insightful and healing. You are doing a lot of good for a lot of people with you channel 💗
I just burst into tears once you start to talk about what if the other people won’t be able to show up and provide the opportunity to mirror my new self. That is so painful 😢
Had a fight with my brother, and I tried a re-evaluation stage with him where I tried to assert my boundaries and how I was not ok with his behavior but he basically refused any accountability for treating me badly, and he'd try to spin it as me deserving the bad treatment because I was "annoying" and he was a "tired dad", while at the same time he "feared" that I would ghost him for the second time in our lives, hence me trying to give him what HE wanted, by TRYING to fix the relationship, but it was an all one sided effort and I was all bad (even though I was the hurt party) and he could do no wrong and I was the one left with the shame and had to re-evaluate myself because I probably had autism (so absurd). This video helped clarify things for the first time in a long time. You're right. If he is trying to put HIS shame on ME for HIS behavior, I don't need to take it.
@@mariefricchione437 I'm the one in therapy. He's the one with the sudden rages. I'm curious why I would need to "manage my anger" to "repair the rift"? I am angry because he treated me badly, and I am using that anger to keep my distance to keep myself safe and not put myself in harm's way and/or to assert my boundaries. Anger, in my case, doesn't need to be "managed", it needs to be *used* and not suppressed.
Just wanted to thank you for your work and efforts with everything you have done- just coming out of a high conflict relationship, I had scoured RU-vid for the answers for the last 2 weeks until I finally stumbled across your channel. Your expertise, communication, insight and clarity are in a league above every other relationship guru I have ever come across on the internet (I’ve completed it now!). We have spent thousands on couples therapy and none of the therapists gave us even one fifth of the knowledge you are offering. Absolutely incredible work! This is life changing information for me. Thank you for these tools and wishing you all the best for your amazing career ahead ❤
Thank you so much for this video. I've been desperately trying to find common ground with my ex. I've been desperate to at least walk away in a healthy, mature, loving way and all I've e received is being completely cut off and horrible things said about me. I've been denied any closure at all and it's torn me apart, this video has helped me process a lot. Thank you
I can't describe how relieved I feel after watching your video. Realizing that I'm not the only one with the same thought process and especially understanding that the bigger picture is that behind all of our mistakes the best way to understand what went wrong is following the path of our behaviour and how it affected others through their eyes. Its so devastating wanting to communicate those thoughts and feelings to all the people we want to repair that rapture with and them not understanding or even reciprocating our intentions.. thank you for your analysis and your video.
Thanks. I've been stuck not knowing what to do with endings with no closure. You've shown me a way, and a reason to do it that makes sense and calls me.
I lost my significant other of 9 year to cancer back in February 23. Looking back on the relationship he broke so many promises to me. And the last few days of his life he said and did some very hurtful things to me. It has been so painful for me and hard to move on. This video was very helpful in helping me see I have to work on myself, my shame, and set better boundaries in my life. Thank you 🙏
Wow. You really put the finger on what I've been feeling! And you said it in a way that allows me to process without reconnection to the person that I have been desperately (and pathetically, may I add) craving. I've been stuck in the rupture phase for over a year. I'm on my way out now but this video really put it in perspective so I can really permit myself to heal properly, on my own. Thank you, Heidi.
I absolutely adore your videos!! I hope you have a very successful career whether you pursue your own private practice and/or continue to make videos on RU-vid!! I’ve found an abundance of value in your videos for my own shadow work and healing and relate to a good chunk of your own personal experiences when talking about attachment styles. These videos help me figure out topics I need and want to bring up in counselling and I have a lot of gratitude for the work you put into making these videos 🫶 I am curious if you would be open and interested to making a video on what’re the strategies you’ve implemented to not offload your shame onto others and how to draw boundaries on people not doing it to you? I’m neurodivergent and often times I don’t fully grasp the reality of a concept without real life examples but I also understand not everyone wants to share their personal experiences as they’re personal 😋
Thank you. I want to keep rewatching this as it's so timely for me. My son's father from my teen relationship 30 years ago has just died unexpectedly. We'd ended badly and he committed such a crime that he only recently was set free from prison. He was so institutionalised that he wasn't coping with life and took an overdose. After all the post mortem results we'll have more information to know if he did it intentionally. I have been shocked by the feelings I have, nostalgia, guilt, anger, extreme sadness. I have to go to his funeral in 2 weeks and want to be strong but it's hard. It would have been inappropriate but wish I could have helped him but we both were so complicated and also the whole situation was too. I'm ashamed that I selfishly was still too scared of him to be kind to him.
This is so fantastic. It’s really dense material (at least for me) but the way you speak so measured, carefully and deliberately makes it easier to understand. Thank you.
I just found this video deeply comforting. The bit where you said a person will be with you for the rest of your life even if they have died. I actually feel that about my mum. She died about 10 years ago. I have been having a complex relationship with her for the last decade.
Thank you so much for this video, Heidi. I experienced a rupture with someone I became emotionally attached to (and that person became attached to me) last summer and that rupture was very, very painful. I'm still stuck and haven't been able to get closure yet (especially with myself, so to speak) and this video is so timely for me. I'm looking forward to the next one in this series! Your videos have greatly helped me ever since I found your channel a few months ago and I so appreciate your work!
A few months ago, my ex boyfriend broke up with me without me understanding exactly why. After the break up, I went straight to zero contact. He tried to talk to me, he sent me a message saying that he was available to discuss. I ignored him. I just felt too bad, too hurt. For the past few days I have been thinking about meeting him again in order to get a proper closure. I'm struggling a lot internally because I feel the need to move on and forgive. I need to free my soul... Thank you Heidi for your powerful video. I will watch it again and again until I make a decision 🙏
Such wise and helpful advice and strategies once again! I lost my best friend of 30 years 8 months ago, going through one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. She dumped her shame on to me in a magnificent way when I needed her to see and support me more than ever. I reached out to repair and request her support and never heard back. I have since been diagnosed with Autism in addition to ADHD and as always I continue to chase self understanding and growth in a way that I can see was directly threatening to her favoured coping mechanisms of suppression and needing to feel superior by appearing in control and 'good' at all times... I simply outgrew her and she was intimidated by that growth... It's been a huge challenge to me in not chasing repair and 'making it right' which is something I've never not done... Holding my boundaries has meant the loss of our relationship. Since then I've reflected so much on the situation but also many years of times she gaslighted me because she was triggered and how I had to constantly mask my true feelings and thoughts in order to maintain attachment with her. Recognising how I failed myself in doing this for a lifetime has been deeply illuminating and healing for me, in a reparenting capacity as I learn to give myself what I had thought that relationship or person had given me. This video is a new perspective that I will use to deepen my work on this learning, and create closure between the person I was then and the energies of my friend. ❤ So i look forward to the next video with the 'nuts and bolts.' 🙏
Thank you very much for this video. I heard so many time closure comes from within, but no one ever explain why and how. This information you shared is so valuable for many. I have shared this with my healing community and everyone is impressed by this insight, one that many desperately need.
Thank you so much for this video! You have clearly and compassionately explained this process in a way that I finally could understand. My father died when I was in my teens and my relationships have been so dysfunctional and confusing ever since. I have been on a CPTSD healing journey for a few years now, and though this issue has been prevailing, none of my therapists have ever been able to see this like you. I so deeply appreciate you for all your truth.❤🙏
I like this. I often feel this shame years after if a relationship ended badly. I feel like the other person thinks I'm bad and hates me. I guess I feel shame cause I have done and said some mean stuff that were destructive, hurtful, mean. And I let someone else see that I can be like that, which feels embarrassing. And it also feels bad to know that I hurt someone else. It feels so tragic when something so beautiful as a love relationship turns dark. It feels so disappointing. I'm an FA and my ex was a DA. I'm scared I have damaged his self confidence and self love and I really wish I could help to restore it and make him understand and feel what an amazing person he is. And I would want him to understand that I know that I have done many things wrong and that my, sometimes strong, reactions are not his fault. I would want us to comfort each other, admit to our faults, agree that the relationship isn't working and for both of us to get a chance to open up or ask questions about anything we want. But unfortunately, I can't get closure cause he never agreed to that. This was one of the things that made it hard for me to leave the relationship for so long: he would shut down and ignore me if I broke up or something similar and wouldn't talk to me at all or say goodbye or anything sweet. Which made me chase him cause I really wanted closure and for us to separate as friends or even stay friends. But with time I realized, he's only going to wanna talk to me if I chase him in order to get back together again, he doesn't have any interest in a peaceful ending. The separation apparently had to be "traumatic" but I STILL had to do it because the relationship was so unhealthy. So I do like this approach of healing the relationship through getting better in the future - both towards new people in similar situations and towards oneself. It feels like a powerful way of making peace with the situation and to get rid of the shame of being stuck in peoples mind as the worst version of oneself. Because then you can work towards that old, bad representation of oneself not being true anymore.
This topic could not have come up at a better time, it's exactly what I'm going through and what I needed to hear at this moment. Super grateful that you've started doing these videos.
Would love an entire video about offloading shame on another person. I want to follow what you mean but I don’t quite get it yet. Of course this was an amazing video as always ❤
I experienced so much lasting trauma from a bad breakup several years ago, especially after mutual friends chose to take sides with my ex. While I was toxic at the time, I never felt I deserved this further suffering as someone who was already in so much pain that led me to get so unhealthy in the first place. But now I see it this way: does someone deserve to get paralyzed because they didn't wear a seatbelt? No, but it is a natural consequence that still happens.
This is gold ❤ recently had a rupture and you put all of the craziness into coherent words that I can reflect and better understand what went on. Thank you so, so much. I'm so grateful to have found your channel 🙏🏻
12:20 this makes me feel deeply understood, and not pathologize myself for honestly recognizing the impacts of every interaction. I feel like I carry the entirety of my past and any possibilities of a future into the present moment. My psychologist would consider it psychotic to say you are being affected in the present moment by things/people/dangers that are “no longer present,” at least not tangibly manifest, and sitting in the room with us. The imprints of past experiences permeate through the present and in my life become inseparable and indistinguishable.
Ask for the kingdom of God , and God will give you anything that you need. Your eternal life will last much longer than anything you could get here.. This might sound hard, but you don’t need a man/ woman, you need God, and God will give you everything that you need. A man/woman will love you for your physical look/ charisma/ money/ intelligence….. or all the temporary things to fill a void that THEY need and will only love you if you meet their needs, but God loves you for who you are, whatever you are and no matter what your past is. In fact, God doesn’t need you, you need Him, yet He loves you and cares for you. That’s what you need. “For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” _ Matthew 6: 32_33 “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” _ John 8:12 “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” _ matthew 16: 24-25
Thank you, Heidi. Thank you for doing the work that you've done on yourself, and sharing it with us. Thank you for helping us access perspectives we did not know how to access. Thank you for being an example of what we can learn to be for ourselves. Thank you for being a channel that promotes growth and help instead of only focusing on what went wrong in our lives.
This is the most loving integrating, understanding and forgiving picture you've ever painted for me. Especially as triggered into my fears and developing anxious attachment dynamics bc of the hurts o had to endure, I really felt bad about my part in the break up. About not giving space, not leaving soon enough... Although that's just my old childhood thought patterns talking. Actually i didn't do anything wrong - neither him - we were both trying our best. And it still sometimes feels like guilt and failure to me, why couldn't I have been better? And then I wanna apologize again, make amends, reconnect. But I have to respect myself and the space between us. By finding them throughout all my life in different people and bettering myself, making it up... A huge weight now is lifted off my chest. If I wasn't at the gym I'd literally cry in forgiving myself. This perspective gave me hope. Thank you so much, this is a huge step for me and since I started watching your clips, mountains inside me have been moved. ❤
thank you so much - it gave a lot of clarity - im really struggeling moving on after a bad break up, and please do the shame video - im sure that is an essential part of why...
I got very important perspective and got my questions answered. I was struggling for long time to give myself clouser and move on. He moved on long time back after breakup, and left things unresolved between us. Now I know I don't have to reach out to him for clouser, I can have it myself by working on myself and responding in a better way to the similar energies and situations in future. Thank you very much for this wonderful video on such important topic. Indeed it's a healing Video.
Just wanted to thank you for your work and efforts with everything you have done- just coming out of a high conflict relationship, I had scoured RU-vid for the answers for the last 2 weeks until I finally stumbled across your channel - your expertise, communication, insights and clarity are in a league above every other relationship guru I have come across on the internet. I have spent thousands on couples therapy and none of the therapists gave us even one fifth of the knowledge you are offering. Absolutely incredible work! Wishing you all the best for your amazing career ahead X❤
I think a lot of it involves an understanding of the conflict that arose and an acceptance of the unresolved feelings we still carry. These feelings are deep and contribute to our own feelings of unrepair, if we have never come to terms with the conflict within ourselves. If we accept ourselves including our human frailty and recognize the frailty of others, we can approach life with openness and with vulnerability. As social animals, shame and stress are almost inevitable consequences of social rejection. Some scars never go away but they needn't be a reminder of shame but a badge of truth, the truth of our feelings, the truth that sets us free, the hope and sadness, the regret and the freedom to carry on, to do better. You speak of a much deeper conflict, a conflict of identity, and it is the repair of our own identity where the true work lies. I too believe that we can change the past by what we do with the lessons we have learned. I'm not sure that I can ever relinquish what has passed nor the resultant identity conflict, but I look upon each day as a new start. Thank you. ❤️🙏
SUPER interesting illumination on the cycle of connection -rupture--repair--reconnection. One thing, though --what about people who neither try to rush to repair, nor externalize blame, but rather internalize blame and then retreat into shame-based withdrawal? I would definitely say that's how I respond to rupture when I am at my most psychologically unhealthy.
Wow that feeling you get when your motives are clearly explained. I have followed the path of the break up- remorse - reflect - reconnect to explain n apologize with most of my past relationships and parted healthy , respected , with grace. My behavior wasnt always this during last days of relationship - but after the adrenaline wears off and you remember this person was value to you at one point But- you have guilt for lowering your value and behaviors to match energy. The need to walk away respecfully was painful n constant, and i often thought i was crazy for pushing resolve on the terms of other person. If they were not willing to discuss i would wait or move on, they usually came back around and we could communicate. I know I chose well when getting involved and maybe a part of it is pride, ego whatever. only now am I experiencing reluctance from a person, he will not own his part. His issues are far deeper then the relationship we had- but so were mine when i first met him I refused to acknowledge the red flags ,or even his confession of mental health problems. It was more of challenge, Im thinking. To engage wouldnt end as i wish so finding resolve in spirit will be enough.
Ask for the kingdom of God , and God will give you anything that you need. Your eternal life will last much longer than anything you could get here.. This might sound hard, but you don’t need a man/ woman, you need God, and God will give you everything that you need. A man/woman will love you for your physical look/ charisma/ money/ intelligence….. or all the temporary things to fill a void that THEY need and will only love you if you meet their needs, but God loves you for who you are, whatever you are and no matter what your past is. In fact, God doesn’t need you, you need Him, yet He loves you and cares for you. That’s what you need. “For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” _ Matthew 6: 32_33 “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” _ John 8:12 “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” _ matthew 16: 24-25
Thank you for this very helpful video, diagram, and your story about your Dad, what the Shaman told you, and past partners. Regardless of fault, I've been going through a very painful breakup from my ex girlfriend who does not wish to be in contact. She gave me a chance to repair with her and I did not and should have and now I have to do it myself. She's either intentionally being very hurtful, OR she's simply moving forward with her life, and it appears hurtful to me because I am not a part of it anymore. I need to re-watch some of this to get more clear on how I can repair with my self, or my self that was with her.
Ask for the kingdom of God , and God will give you anything that you need. Your eternal life will last much longer than anything you could get here.. This might sound hard, but you don’t need a man/ woman, you need God, and God will give you everything that you need. A man/woman will love you for your physical look/ charisma/ money/ intelligence….. or all the temporary things to fill a void that THEY need and will only love you if you meet their needs, but God loves you for who you are, whatever you are and no matter what your past is. In fact, God doesn’t need you, you need Him, yet He loves you and cares for you. That’s what you need. “For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” _ Matthew 6: 32_33 “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” _ John 8:12 “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” _ matthew 16: 24-25
Heidi I have watched this video at least 10 times. I had a very important relationship to me end abruptly 4 months ago and I am struggling every day to make progress. I listen to this video when I fall back in my progress. Thank you for making it.
Ask for the kingdom of God , and God will give you anything that you need. Your eternal life will last much longer than anything you could get here.. This might sound hard, but you don’t need a man/ woman, you need God, and God will give you everything that you need. A man/woman will love you for your physical look/ charisma/ money/ intelligence….. or all the temporary things to fill a void that THEY need and will only love you if you meet their needs, but God loves you for who you are, whatever you are and no matter what your past is. In fact, God doesn’t need you, you need Him, yet He loves you and cares for you. That’s what you need. “For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” _ Matthew 6: 32_33 “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” _ John 8:12 “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” _ matthew 16: 24-25
Heidi, I want to express my appreciation for openly offering to the world such meaningful truthful and real support and insight. Your videos are helping me so much in my healing process. Bless you dear Heidi💚
oh my goodness, this is IT! this is such a treasure of information that everybody should know in order to navigate their relationships. I also suffer quite a lot after a painful breakup and this video is so inspiring! I think it gives everyone hope that we can actually be complete and heal ourselves without the other person ever showing up in our life again, which is so refreshing to know. This is so insightful I am going to recommend this to everyone I know. Thank you for you wok, Heidi!
Soooo good. I have just been through this process so I could relate to every word you said. You are obviously helping many people through our trauma as the comments suggest just that. You have a very gifted way of getting the message across. Thank you.
This is in fact free "therapy" for me. I'm so glad that I have sought out information like this to help me identify patterns of wrong thinking on my part. Your videos are among the BEST I've listened to. Thank you. ❤️
Ask for the kingdom of God , and God will give you anything that you need. Your eternal life will last much longer than anything you could get here.. This might sound hard, but you don’t need a man/ woman, you need God, and God will give you everything that you need. A man/woman will love you for your physical look/ charisma/ money/ intelligence….. or all the temporary things to fill a void that THEY need and will only love you if you meet their needs, but God loves you for who you are, whatever you are and no matter what your past is. In fact, God doesn’t need you, you need Him, yet He loves you and cares for you. That’s what you need. “For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” _ Matthew 6: 32_33 “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” _ John 8:12 “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” _ matthew 16: 24-25
Gurl you preaching forreal on here. Thank you. I was thinking on this very concept earlier today in the context of constructing fiction, which is never really entirely made up. It’s an expression and process of resolving narratives and uniting pieces of our consciousness in the whole of a story. This is so on point!
Thank very much for this ,this actually validates what iam expriencing since an abrupt ending without any closure from a emotionally unavailable person who was not suitable anyway. It has taken a good couple of years to get to this stage and iam totally experiencing this.This is very helpful!🙏
Very good talk today. I tend to assume it is sll my fault and want to apologize and reconnect, you say it so perfectly. Very much looking forward to hearing how to stand up for myself or forgive and repair myself when those from whom I sought forgiveness, recognition, and connection even if I let them walk on me (whether they fully knew it or not), are now unable to be met.
You are so smart, I love listening to your insights. The concept of dignity is something I didn't fully encompass when my ex cheated and left. Dignity also for me means letting the other person sit with what they've done and be willing to repair what they broke, trust. I was too fast into repair and wanted to relieve my shame of how I could show up better, which is fair, but neglected to honour my own boundaries, and let them know what I can not tolerate. A year has passed and I still wish they would come around and we could square things off, but am also a bit fearful of shunning or deterring her away if she doesn't want to reconnect or be vulnerable. So I'm left with how I want to be in the world and have been practicing authenticity with people around me so I can be fully present in these relationships. The fact that people never leave us, but live on within us is key to repairing what is within ourselves.
I really needed this. I've been out of a seven year relationship for four years and I really did feel that cycle. I've been stuck trying to figure out how to get back to feeling okay without having them around to tell me that it is. I've been stuck on rupture. I'm glad to finally have some kind of guidance in this very specific regard.
Ask for the kingdom of God , and God will give you anything that you need. Your eternal life will last much longer than anything you could get here.. This might sound hard, but you don’t need a man/ woman, you need God, and God will give you everything that you need. A man/woman will love you for your physical look/ charisma/ money/ intelligence….. or all the temporary things to fill a void that THEY need and will only love you if you meet their needs, but God loves you for who you are, whatever you are and no matter what your past is. In fact, God doesn’t need you, you need Him, yet He loves you and cares for you. That’s what you need. “For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” _ Matthew 6: 32_33 “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” _ John 8:12 “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” _ matthew 16: 24-25
Ask for the kingdom of God , and God will give you anything that you need. Your eternal life will last much longer than anything you could get here.. This might sound hard, but you don’t need a man/ woman, you need God, and God will give you everything that you need. A man/woman will love you for your physical look/ charisma/ money/ intelligence….. or all the temporary things to fill a void that THEY need and will only love you if you meet their needs, but God loves you for who you are, whatever you are and no matter what your past is. In fact, God doesn’t need you, you need Him, yet He loves you and cares for you. That’s what you need. “For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” _ Matthew 6: 32_33 “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” _ John 8:12 “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” _ matthew 16: 24-25
I experienced a rupture with my first love. But I was unaware of the issue at odds. And when i asked what I did wrong she responded, "If you don't know, I am not going to tell you." I sorted and sought for months trying to figure it out, in the mean time she gave me the silent treatment. Finally I broke down, got on my knees and begged her to tell me what I did wrong. But she never did, and that was that. I have lived with that shame for 30 years. I moved on, but when I think back it brings back that shame and I know that wound never healed correctly.
My only repair phase, was to realize that figuring what was wrong with me was just them gaslighting me. And addressing the problem is not my problem. What they were responsible for was just being honest and mature about the issue.
Ask for the kingdom of God , and God will give you anything that you need. Your eternal life will last much longer than anything you could get here.. This might sound hard, but you don’t need a man/ woman, you need God, and God will give you everything that you need. A man/woman will love you for your physical look/ charisma/ money/ intelligence….. or all the temporary things to fill a void that THEY need and will only love you if you meet their needs, but God loves you for who you are, whatever you are and no matter what your past is. In fact, God doesn’t need you, you need Him, yet He loves you and cares for you. That’s what you need. “For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” _ Matthew 6: 32_33 “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” _ John 8:12 “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” _ matthew 16: 24-25
wow, the way you explain everything step by step in so much detail is so incredibly insightful and allows me to really go ahead with myself and my self-growth in much more compassion and love. It's almost karmic and spiritual! But I guess repair and reconnection is all about that.
Ask for the kingdom of God , and God will give you anything that you need. Your eternal life will last much longer than anything you could get here.. This might sound hard, but you don’t need a man/ woman, you need God, and God will give you everything that you need. A man/woman will love you for your physical look/ charisma/ money/ intelligence….. or all the temporary things to fill a void that THEY need and will only love you if you meet their needs, but God loves you for who you are, whatever you are and no matter what your past is. In fact, God doesn’t need you, you need Him, yet He loves you and cares for you. That’s what you need. “For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” _ Matthew 6: 32_33 “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” _ John 8:12 “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.” _ matthew 16: 24-25
Not so sure it's shared with the dismissive avoidant. Fortunately I knew of her lack of trust and did inner child work. I realized what she could give and changed my believes bc she wasn't gonna do any work and blameshift. So I need to meet my needs or deal with more secure ppl to get a few needs met. I need to stay out of the drama triangle.
This is what I needed to hear and learn about today. Thank you universe... and thank you Heidi for always shedding light on many topics in such easy to understand/digest ways. Very grateful I found your channel.
Thank you very much for putting effort in doing this video. It have helped me very much. Im still in pain but in the process, and will work to heal myself.
Thank you. This is very complex. I understand the principles here conceptually - learn from your mistakes or mis-steps, set boundaries and avoid future issues as well as gain closure by understanding what happened between you and someone else. As an INFJ/HSP, these situations eat away at me because most times the other person approaches the world in an entirely different and alien way and I don't understand their emotional processing. What would be most helpful if you could present and explain several concrete examples of what you explained here.
