How to spot a liar | Pamela Meyer | TED 

One of the most common lies "I have read the terms of service"

The worst is accidentally smiling while telling the truth,and then everyone thinks you're lying.

that lady that smiled after her lie gave me literal shivers.

Spotting a liar is easy. Letting your heart admit they are lying, is the hard part.

People with social anxiety and serious introverts can show all the symptoms of lying while telling the truth because their whole personality is about being concealed, and they automatically do these things subconsciously. Their fears make them feel like they are lying although they are being truthful.

Me as a barista: “hey how are you today?” Customer: “good! How ar-“ Me: “I want the truth, Linda”

I have ADHD and some autistic traits. People often think I am untrustworthy and that I am lying because I am uncomfortable looking them in the eye. I might also figit and just look uncomfortable. The more I am misjudged, the more stress I feel in social situations. I am sure I also smile sometimes when it's inappropriate, because I have learnt that smiling can get people on side. It doesn't mean I am lying, or up to no good. I know that Pamela does say at one point that these are indicators of lying not proof, but I am sure a lot of people will forget that bit. Just please be aware that there are other reasons why people behave it these ways.

“Oversharing - that’s not honesty.” Preach on!

Imagine her kids trying to lie to her

I found this in my parents watch history lmfao

The main lesson I learnt today was: "Everyone is willing to give you something, for whatever it is they are hungry for." If you do not want to be deceived, you have to know what is it that you are hungry for.

we need this now more than ever, especially now with people only being in their own little bubble on the internet, they need more perspectives, points of views, and ways to spot lies

I grew up in a home where I was constantly under suspicion. I was always the first to be accused of something. I now automatically act guilty when someone accuses me of something even if I am innocent. I even failed a lie detector test because I was under so much stress from being accused and I felt like no one would believe me.

What if she's lying about how to spot a liar?

This is one of the best TED Talks. She's funny and actually interesting

What wonderful voice you have Pamela Meyer... ... and I'm not lying!...

My natural introversion coupled with my low, monotone voice and emotionless expressions, always has me looking like I'm hiding something or generally just lack empathy. My wife always jokes that if she's ever murdered, they'll lock me up, even if I'm innocent.

Me while watching a tedtalk: wow this is amazing. I am now a changed person Me, two months later: hey what was that again about spotting a liar?

Very enlightening. Thank you. My sixth sense usually tells me when not to trust. But often don't know the reason why...maybe the tell tale signs are hidden in my brain somewhere through observation and experience.

Part of the problem is that the world does not want the truth... they prefer the lie.

Liars are believed more than those who tell the truth.

watching this so i can better spot the imposter in among us.

Thank you very much, Pamela Meyer! One of the great TED talks!👍🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Whoever you are who can't sleep tonight, is tired or sad, believe that there will be tomorrow that will light up your beautiful days. You just need to endure a little more, a little more, and a little more ... Thank you for being patient, thank you for being able to survive. And as you read this, promise yourself that you will be able to get through your toughest days in the future. Promise to keep smiling, no matter how you are ... You deserve to be happy :)

anyone who smiles after saying that their kids was abused is not just a liar, its a psychopath 15:49 her smile after hearing that is so creepy

So there's no need to spot a liar because everyone's a liar...ironic

There’s so much science behind spotting a liar, love the speech, incredibly insightful!

i love how informative TED talks are.

The best way to lie in a compelling, unreadable fashion, is to convince yourself, in that moment, that the lie you tell is the honest to God truth. The most terrifying lie someone can tell is the lie they tell to themselves, a lie they choose to believe in, so much so that they then begin to see the truth as completely alien. It is nearly impossible to see someone as a liar when they fervently believe their own lie.

The lying mothers face as she did duping delight freaked me out

She also mentioned that an honest person is going to co-operate but they can also manipulate you into thinking that they are being truthful when they are not.

Fantastic presentation. Ms. Meyer is brilliant and delightful.

"Marge, it takes two to lie -- one to lie and one to listen." (Homer Simpson)

Sometimes when I'm telling the truth and I know somebody suspects me of lying I do the lying tells, I don't know why. I want to convince them, so I try to act convincing which is also what I do when I'm lying.

I love your presentation on how to spot a liar, I've watched forensic male psychologists, and male FBI agents and they all are so dry and dead when they speak-I think they're liars. You're the best!

I really enjoy watching this while learning

What sucks for me is that when I’m confronted, even though I’m telling the truth I *look* like I’m lying because I’ll start to grin & look nervous. But that’s because confrontation makes me nervous, not because I’m lying! 🥺

How to know someone's lying: know everything before bothering to ask. Evidence is the most effective weapon, and is also the only ethical one. Or try making up a detail for them an seeing if they add it to their story. My brother lies compulsively so I have a fair bit of practice.

What a charming speaker. Can’t believe I waited so long to see this

I learned from this the only way a person can be truthful is in their own homes but wants we walk out of our front door we change instantly.

Always remember that keeping confidential information to yourself is NOT lying. You have the right to refuse outright to answer any impertinent questions.

Me : "-and thats when i found the dead body, officer." Interrogator : "Alright now tell it to me again, backwards." Me : "reciffo, ydob daed eht dnuof i nehw staht dna-" Interrogator : "Just, stop."

The truth is too much to bare , too much a burden for some, they cannot bear the weight its a burning sensation but it is freedom.

I’ve lived my life very honestly but I still lie obviously. But it’s caused me a lot of problems. The problem with being honest is nobody really wants you to be honest.

I've been growing up with a strict father: do this, don't do this... yes, sure. I had to learn how to lie like a pro to stay... unharmed. I've learnt how to control my face expression most of the time. I can do what I want now, but it's still with me. Even when I tell the truth I analyze myself: how do I look like at the moment? And the reason is that I am MORE convincing to people when I LIE than when I tell the truth. Ha-ha.

"It is a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies, the only variable is about what". House MD

Lying to impress or harm anyone is dangerous! It's a sign of weakness !👍

no one gonna appreciate how elegant her talk was? informative too;)

I've pretended to be a bad liar for years so people know when I want them to know I'm lying. When I'm really lying, nobody knows. It's the same way I've faked having worse eye sight, hearing, and I pretend not to understand a lot of things so people have a certain expectation of me that I've woven in to this character that I play. I'm actually a lot better at everything than you would think. I've always found this a good technique.

But..but... how do we know that this Woman is not lying to us?

I’ve always tried to avoid lying as I’ve never been any good at it and the emotional effort to sustain it just is too much, I’m no goody two shoes but I treat people as I want to be treated.

There are tons of these programs on being able to watch facial and body motions to detect lying. You'll tell from micro-expressions, or what ever. All u can say is good luck. Ultimately, it's best to use these seminars as entertainment.

The way the first mother smiled was simply terrifying to me. Anyone agrees?

One of the most common lies "I was never in electrical"

Thank you for being honest. In this current day!!!

The ground around you starts to shift because so many liars are running to get away from you. Lol I had a small amount of training in interpersonal communications classes. I loved it, the people around me not so much. I've noticed over the years that as soon as people figure out how good I am at reading people's body language and seeing when it doesn't match their lies, they are out the door and stay far away from me. It's almost comical now. Even before college as a teenager I was always better at spotting a liar. My friends always introduced me to their new love interests for me to check out. Now I'm in no way perfect at it but being an empath and introvert give me a slight advantage because the combination tends to make you watch people and social interactions more closely. I later had psychology and communications training which enhanced my ability and that's when I really started noticing how many people steered clear of me. Sadly people don't like being asked more questions, especially when they are hiding something that they could really use help with. Being an empath it's hard for me not to ask when I can see people are pain. It definitely made the corporate world a little harder to navigate. The tough as nails business person/boss doesn't like to be asked why they are hurting. You're not supposed to see the pain beneath their tough exterior. Being an empath with psychology training I have a tendency to lean towards getting it out is always better so it took a little while to learn who I could show sympathy for and who I could trust to know I'm sympathetic and pretty good at spotting a liar. It can be a advantage or disadvantage when people know. Some people want you on their side and some will fire you to keep their secrets, whatever they may be. We are a society of liars. No one actually believes in the truth and only the truth but it sounds good. Even those that value the truth, prefer to have it told with some white lies to soften the blow or enhance the moment/feeling. Comics that make a living joking about their own lives know that well. Some will even throw in horrifying lies just to tell you it was a lie and soften the subject of the true joke. I will say I think to properly understand the science of telling lies, you must truly understand Id and ego psychology. The id and ego is easy to learn it's just not commonly taught outside of psychology. Which is a shame because I really think it would help kids adjust to school life, especially in high school. Just to clarify again, I have training in interpersonal communications and psychology not a degree. While my degree is in mass communications, I choose PR for my concentration. I took some psychology on the side just because I find it interesting. I don't like anyone to think I'm claiming I'm completely trained in either subject, it causes too much confusion. But I have to admit, PR can teach you a lot about lying too. Lol

If you cross your fingers behind your back it doesn't count as a lie.

“The best lies are best when mixed with the truth” -Caelina sardothien.

Great presentation, I have no dog in the fight but you held my attention until the end. Thank you, Phil

I work in a school. Sometimes we get kids that lie. Ha ha. Often. Often, we know who is guilty of what - cameras - and we start by asking who did what. It is really intersting to watch people lie when you absolutely know they are lying. It gives you great insight for future use.

Who lied to this lady that she had to write a book about it.... 😭💀

@ 15:51 That smile of duping delight just freaked me out. That's a psychopath right there. Forget the liar bit. OMG.

that mother's testimony was fucking heartbreaking. Jesus.

I used to lie way too much. Even now, I seem suspicious when I’m not lying because I don’t know how people act naturally. Additionally, over time, I have noticed a scary amount of these tells, and realized the best way to lie: lie to yourself first. If you make yourself believe your lie, if you make that lie a permanent part of you or your world, you should act naturally. After all, if you don’t believe you’re lying, are you really lying? Of course, this is very damaging to your mental health. If you end up falling into this trap, once you stop lying you will still act as if you were lying because it is instinct. I don’t know where I’m going with this, but just keep in mind that even if lying is easy for you, it doesn’t make it healthier for you and those around you.

Wow, I wish I knew all this when I had a best friend who was a pathological liar. I didn’t think anyone would lie about mundane things, so I believed everything she said.

Shes told us how to spot liars, but shes taught liars how to be better ones.

oversharing, that's not honesty. DAMN RIGHT.

2021, still waiting for a world where truth is valued

A lot of the things she saying indicate lying I actually do when I'm telling the truth because I'm nervous and/or I think the people will not believe me.

"Hi, nice to meet you" look I've alright lied within the first sentence lmao

It is crazy, how many of these these things I naturally assessed in the times I’ve been lied to, long before ever even seeing this video. 👊🏾 🧠

Always happy to learn. ❤ subbed and shared!

The thing that makes me good at lying is that I'm genuinely offended when someone thinks I'm being dishonest with them.

Sometimes the greatest deception is the one we tell ourselves. I am more concerned about the lies I tell myself, then the lies that our told to me. IF I had been honest with myself- then maybe I would of caught others in their lies. Just food for thought.

I love all the examples she used to illustrate her talk. These are some of the biggest liars in recent history.

I AM a TRUTH SEEKER!!! Always seeking TRUTH, and LOVE. No luck, so far.

Usually liars have burning pants that's way easier 🤞

I always say that if you want to lie well, you have to believe your lies. You have to act as if you THINK you're telling the truth. It's dangerous to do that, though. You don't want to risk becoming delusional.

This is my favorite TED talk :)

One of the best Ted talks I've ever seen

The lady who killed her kids half smile masking her true emotion was the most terrifying thing I have ever seen in my life. I literally have nightmares.

Sometimes when im telling the truth but i am not sure people will believe me i feel inclined to do a lot of the things i would to make a lie more believable. Presumably making me display many of the markers for lying. I try to stop myself lest i make truth look like lie, but it just goes to show how careful one should be with this knowledge.

This is an excellent presentation, Pam.

Brilliant Analysis, Deployed Worldwide Through My Research Library...

Always tell the truth and every liar will reveal themselves.

“That’s the only asymmetrical expression” *Raises one eyebrow*

I love this woman speaker, she uses simple words which made ma listen to her and understand her

Statistically, liars are the ones who tells you lies. Thank you for coming to my Tedtalk

I never lie, because I never leave my room so I don't have to talk to people.

This is fantastic, she's a study herself. I hope everyone else was noticing the level to which she was shaping that interaction, and the gestures and expression she used. She's obviously very dedicated, and makes so many things clear to me. I think her ending statement is especially poignant and the hardest for a lot of people to swallow. Our current fervor of sharing has looked a lot like a fake world to me, constantly trying to look like the most interesting people while our lives play out not too differently. I prefer a quieter world, I can explore life without having to feel like I'm obliged to socially. I used to lie a lot, I played a different character each time I met someone new I knew I might never meet again, and sometimes I catch myself doing it still. I don't know why, I love making voices and writing characters, maybe I just wish I could experience how it is to be a different person? But it is deceptive and I would like to stop doing it altogether. It's just amazing to me how automatic it is.

Fantastic speaker. Flawless delivery!

Very good presentation! And that’s the truth! ✌️❤️😷🙏

The best liars in fact lie hardly ever. They pick that crucial moment to lie when no one expects it.

I gave up lying and now my life is hard...

Thank you for sharing and God bless you

"...an honest person is going to be cooperative. they're going to show they're on your side. They're going to be enthusiastic. They're going to be willing and helpful to getting you to the truth." Ah-ha! Now I know why politicians never give direct answers to questions. Especially when they know that they might be incriminating themselves!

I’m such an anxious person, so with the right amount of questions I’m sure I’ll be guilty of anything.

As someone who suffers from anxiety, this kind of bullshit has resulted in me being incorrectly accused of dishonesty over and over again through childhood and adulthood.

Asked myself halfway through this what I was doing here, I’ve watched like 7 videos about lie detection because of my boyfriend. Had a moment of clarity now and realized nothing is this important, if he gonna lie he gotta go. Just putting my thought in the universe, a memento that I was here and realized something big in my life at this moment.

I don't like lies. Especially if my close friends tell ones to me, I get very disappointed and full of angry. But after watching this speech, I think, I should put more efforts with to try to find the reason they told a lie than spotting lies.