Comment your top takeaway from this video here below! 👉 I personally read through EVERY SINGLE COMMENT!!! 🚨 WATCH ME NEXT - Learn how to make people chase you: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-_FuyBUx69XA.html - How to boost your self esteem: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-w27nenP7fsQ.html - My full STEP-BY-STEP social skills method: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-pCZdJiGSk8g.html
About 13 years of my life I have never been able to truly let out my inner self. There was always something that held back my authentic and awesome self. I was too fixated on being «the right person» rather than the real. Thank you for changing my life, Julian. I have never felt this alive for as long as I can remember. And for that, my gratitude is forever yours.
Just read “Courage to be Disliked,” a lot of what Julien says is inline with Adler’s ideology. It’s your job to accept yourself, love others, and it’s the other person’s job to choose whether to love you or not. You can’t control what other people do, nor are you supposed to. That takes the weight off of your shoulders. Pretty freeing when you think about it.
Damn, I needed this honestly. I have the problem of clinging onto people WAY too hard, probably cause I'm deathly afraid of losing others, that's my biggest insecurity. I also chase girls way too much but, with the help of your videos I'm learning to take back control of my own destiny and live my life for me, not eternally seeking validation from everyone else.
@@nonohacks Honestly, I didn't "overcome" it, I learned how to manage it. I'm still not where I'd like to be of course, but I'm finally growing and moving forward with my own life.
Crazy how many people fall into the trap of being a “dream sexual” and doing constant self-sabotage. Epic video!! People should watch this multiple times to let it land!! 💯🔥
Perception=Belief=Reality The more invested you are in the belief, the harder it is to correct your perception to build a new one. Like you always say, any external attempts to compensate for limiting beliefs will only reinforce that invisible prison, versus coming at the 'problem' from a state of observational consciousness, and allowing new perceptions to creep in that ultimately show your subconscious that all those misperceptions are actually what causes the 'problem' in the first place.
Yeah but what if your “belief” is actually based on real life feedback from reality? Like what if you’ve been told numerous times that you’re ugly, and what if you’ve never had a gf? Your entire life is giving you a certain reality. Ignoring that reality is lying to yourself. Is the solution to just lie to yourself until you believe the lies?
@@nickp3949 Part of acceptance in your situation could be to let go of the insecurities that may plague your mind. Yeah, it’s real, and ignoring it would only hurt you more; you need to accept it and unburden yourself. We all make observations and make judgements based on these observations. If the people you meet don’t like you and don’t want to hang with you based on appearance alone, I don’t think you would have wanted their company to begin with. Associate yourself around less superficial people. The ones that notice but don’t care (this kind of sucks because our society is built around favoring beauty against beasts, but sometimes the beast is beautiful asf inside, he just needs to show it).
an important message I take from this is that abandonment is the core reason for not living in the present moment. I’ll have to rewatch when I’m mentally sustainable for ‘more’ but this is the only thing that changed my mindset on my ptsd. I am so grateful for you, thank you so much, Julien.
Confidence is just an aftermath feeling that comes from past success nothing more nothing less. For an example if a person was able to attract someone that they was interested in than that person has gained past success which is what established and contributed to their confidence in the first place.
I'm 17, having an existential crisis most nights, but these videos certainly help. That voice that says 'maybe if I had x, I would be happier' is a voice I don't know how to ignore
been at your place 1 year ago, it will get better!!! dont try to ignore the voice. ask yourself why! stick to julien specially his transformation mastery programm helped me alot. it takes time but its worth it. and never give up you will get out of it eventually
This video really reminded me of who I was 3 years ago, when it all started. When being dependant caused me to get a lot of panic attacks, when I used to fear of doing everything and anything just because, when I was just living for no reason and was very depressed, when I used to be led on and told what to do. I used to hate my family and friends so much for always "controlling" my life, then I realized that I'm not a blinder, because the way a blinder works is this: you put things inside it, you put the plug in the socket, you press a button, and Bam, you get yourself a goo or a smoothie or a juice or whatever you want, and I'm not that. I'm a dude with a brain, you give me stuff and I actually have the ability to analyze it, understand it, know the purpose of it, and most importantly, choose to follow or not, choose to create an action or a reaction as a response. So when I did all things "in the right way", sh*t hit the fan so hard, it didn't even hurt 😅. Horrible events mixed with COVID caused me to start my change, to start my actual life, and to face my fears and let whatever the duck happens. Most of the time, nothing actually bad happened, which made me feel worse because I wasted a lot of time scared as sh*t of nothing. Thank you for the video, if you read the whole thing, I really appreciate it. And yes, I'm still a little bit in need of validation and a "pat on the back", that's why I commented, because I know you usually respond to the comments and place a heart, and it makes me feel like important. Not the most healthy thing ever, but let's call that my psychy junk food.
I am so freaking thankful to have stumbled across this. You are a God send and helping so many of us find that inner peace, the key to true happiness. I can't thank you enough.
Just found your videos a few months ago. Ever since I've found that I can better understand the things I'm doing right and what I need to work on. Whenever I need that boost of motivation to get through whatever challenge I'm faced with, I can always find it with your videos. You're a true inspiration my friend. My one thing would be your wardrobe and image itself, it's crazy to me that someone who doesn't care if his hair isn't done, or his outfit doesn't match can still provide pure wisdom, experience, and overall inspiration onto those around him. Love you man, keep up the amazing work!
Great video Julian, as always. Sending love from Colorado. Just went through a crisis in my life, and coming back to your vids after a long time. Thanks for being such an awesome teacher over the years
Thank you so much for what you do! You've helped me to get through all of my deepest troubles immensely. I've been going through some really dark times, but now I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. You've inspired me to undertake the same kind of work you do, and to spread my gift of positivity and understanding to others. I can't thank you enough. Have a wonderful day!
I keep having negative thoughts about myself and other people, which makes me feel like expressing it, but I just supress it in fear of conflict/being hated, or someone having negative feelings back at me. I’ve come to realize that some of the negative thoughts emerge out of not being proud of or liking myself. My inner self tells me to let go and just express who I am, despite the negativity, but I fear and know that this will not make things easier. How do I let go without being someone who will be angry at others, and end up getting ostracised?
One thing I’ve learned on how to get rid of negative thoughts is not by actually getting rid of it but by replacing it. It’s a habit to think negatively, that voice in our head, which is essentially ‘talking to ourselves’ is a great tool to use to speak positively about yourself. Sounds cheesy, but most self-improvement methods sound cheesy to those in search for it. Talk to yourself positively for a good while, for days, for months, let it become a habit, whilst achieving certain things, hobbies, skills etc. To help reinforce the positive talk to yourself. I hope this helps! 🤙🏻
Followed the trail of why's back to my freshman year when the girl I liked ghosted me after 2 years of talking everyday. I became such a people pleaser and afraid of losing anyone after that. Trying to let go of that now.
Well the question is how do you get to that position of self approval? Because in my experience its always fleeting away. Some that come to my mind right now are You need to do things consistently that make you proud of yourself Talk to a professional and see where the neediness stemed from and heal Get into a practice of presence Would love to get your thoughts julien
For self approval to be the default, you must LET GO of anything fueling self disapproval... I have a whole process I take my clients through if you're interested: application.julienhimself.com/
I just stared watching your videos and did my estimates and had work conversations without anxiety. I don't know which video did it, but something changed drastically in a positive direction. Thank you.
The only part that seems to elude me when I watch your videos is why would I strive to get more once I'm finally at peace with who I am and where I am. I don't have enough money to not need to work ever again, but I have enough to not worry about many months of rent. Many of my wants feel like hindrance once I view them as me just needing "more", but then once it sinks in, I feel like I don't need more anymore. In the last 5 seconds of the video, "while still taking action and having clear intention", why take action once you don't need any "more"?
It's the difference between taking action out of DESPERATION (neediness) vs INSPIRATION... Watch this: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-33pwVOqYofc.html
the worst thing is going in bars, or social places by yourself seeing all those hot ladies . Thats the perfect set up to feel lonely and unwanted there is nothing to do except stare at oter people having fun while u have nothing to do...
You are your own biggest enemy, you need to be on your side, you need to have everypart of you working together to be whole and complete, it takes strength to get past thepain and to rely on yourself but its worth it, whats more beautiful than your own pain, let go, let go and realise the box of gold you have inside yourself. Owen has a fantastic frame of mind that I will always carry with me, assume what you want you already have, now from a point of gratitude go ahead and take steps to achieving what you want, with this you're already whole and happy! and other people will natrually be attracted to you, life and the universe will bring you what you want. remember, you don't get what you want, you attract WHO YOU ARE! become better not bitter, for me life is understanding how to carry yourself, your mind, your energy, your soul, its a habit that needs to be built, and once you have that habit life becomes effortless, easy, freeflowing.. to anyone who is reading I pray for your success, happiness and your well being, just breathe, youre already there
Ya stop being needy. At the same time when I hear this I get in my head about it. I think, "I want to talk to that girl... but what if that comes across as being needy?" I feel like it's OK to be needy, to act it out, because you will learn to stop being needy because neediness never works. You'll learn from your mistakes eventually. Learn to be OK with yourself, even if you're needy.
Very good Julien 👍Seriously man your really sharing powerful stuff that is piercing through a lot of muddy thinking that, even if we consciously know about, can still sneak into our lives unconsciously if we aren't taking inventory. Thx so much for your dedication to truth & helping us all with what you are sharing sir
I wish RU-vid allowed you to change the title of the video and add it to a playlist for better organization. Organizing Julien's videos is what inspired that idea - thanks J.
i’ve tried various ways to let go, deep breathing exercises, meditation, etc. but just recently i’ve started taking supplements that i was probably deficient in, and bam. i finally don’t care anymore. naturally don’t care what others think of me and no longer seek validation. i’m finally feeling that peace within. that neediness is gone
@@kewkiex5328 ideally you should go to a doctor to see what you’re deficient in but tbh i just had to assume. i don’t get much sunlight so i started taking vitamin D. don’t eat many vegetables so i’m taking magnesium (which also helps with relaxation). been feeling stressed, low energy, for a while so started taking aswagandha (this stuff really helps me feel care free) rhodiola rosea and shilajit that are good for fatigue and depression. started taking fish oil since well.. i don’t eat much fish lol. so as you can tell i don’t have the best diet so if you’re eating well these supplements may not even benefit you
You're doing great work my friend and your videos have changed my lifestyle and my life in general. I'd love to meet you and I totally respect you because your words , I've heard them. I'm still growing .
Bro it's same with gambling, doesn't matter how much you win it's just never gonna be enough for you, you'll want more and more until you lose everything and then it becomes addiction
I dont listen to emo music or anything related to that stuff, I also try a lot and get myself closer to girls talks and show my funny self, but I am still single 🙂🙂
“We our conscious creatures… therefore are first and most dangerous addiction is our imagination” (fears and dream sexual) Real life isn’t as good as our fantasies. Or the Tv/Social media.
Julien your Content is just 11/10...everyday I see my life become better and better and I feel amazing while accomplishing all these cool things....letting go is just the way....
Thank you very much for this video. I never thought I'd find myself here watching this video until I saw it in my recommended; and at that moment I had one part of my mind saying, "I bet I know what this guy's gonna say, just scroll past it." and another saying, "What if it's the truth, just do it". After watching this video, I realized you can't be strong and insecure at the same time.
To be true I don't understand what you say. I mean your words doesn't change me in the real world. I want you to give us something to practice because what whatever you teach goes in and comes out.
Did you do the meditative exercise in this video? What came up for you? 👉 I’d also suggest check out Transformation Mastery for a lot more practical exercises: julienhimself.com/self-help
We start at a simple question regarding neediness and meander into thoughts about staying in a comfort zone and anecdotes about sexuality. With all due respect this doesn’t seem linear or clear at all.
One thing I don’t understand and frustrates me is when people say “you have to let go of need”. That implies I’m holding onto it. I’m not holding onto it, it’s holding onto me. If I could just ignore it I would have long ago.
You make a really good point about comfort zone with watching tons of RSD videos cause I do that. But I also take massive action with it that's why I watch it so much. But at what point is watching RSD videos hindering my life as opposed to helping it, even if I'm taking action with it?
Anything can become a crutch, even RU-vid videos… This is why you hear me talk about deep inner work and LETTING GO so much. That is the only way to make your results permanent.
i love your point Julien but when in the moment when its time to take action and implement your ideas to become better i can never actually take action. I can only think of the things i want to do at the moment but i dont know why i never do them especially socially.
I could be incorrect man, but it's not about being better or becoming better. It's about becoming you! The more you think you need to become better, esp in the given moment, the more you're telling yourself you're not good enough to be in that moment to do those interactions. Let go to be. If you wanna say hey or do something, do it, take the action. Letting go of takes action.
@@Le_RealitySamurai holy shit, thats powerful. youve taken some notes out of jullien. I get what your saying that letting go and being yourself is the best course, but dude, what if me, myself am naturally a quite shit who cant even socialise with his family. i want to play with my baby cousin and be fun but i am akward and ive put this false facade of being forever stoic for some reason, so what im trying to say is i cant have fun with my precious baby cousin because of how untalkative and reserved i am. cant implament my thoughts into action, i just think them but they never occur
@@godzzgladiator interesting. At the beginning of every MMO. We start at level 1. All actions and skills and even learning the interface is awk. As you stick with the feeling of awk, you will get more experience. And it'll feel natural. That feeling you're feeling, Julian talks about it constantly, the resistant to grow into someone that you are consciously putting effort into being or learning. Thats the feeling he's talking bout you need to learn to let go of while you're learning the basics of learning a new skill, as you go, you'll gain skill points. Just pump those stats into what you want. The only diff between the game and irl, is your perception of what is real or what matters right? So why not just take the interactions as a learning experience, and the feeling as a way to say, wow this matters enough for me to feel awk, it means it's important to me. Change the way you look at your own awk as an indicator that it's something important and grow with it and let go of it the same time :). The resistance will slowly fade away as you accept that it's ok to be any kind of way.
Hello from china! Thank you for the great content. My problem has always been overthinking and over analysing. I’ve always been the person with high social intelligence so I have no issue socialising, making friends/romantic relationships etc. But many times I would overanalyse things and replay interactions within my head. This makes me less present, less relaxed and less happy in general. Is meditation (focus on breathing and creating headspace) a good form of letting go?
i do this always especially atm with my best friend i fell for last year. she doesnt feel same way and we argue alot now and we keep sleeping together and end up fighting coz i cant have her. i should let it all go very hard
@@JulienHimself I was the same way btw when I was younger I used to Listen to Boyz 2 Men and think about a few girls from school but it never went anywhere haha. Boyz to men were always dressed so nice and getting all the girls so I wanted to be like that too. Somehow I ended up marrying a beautiful girl from Belarus we’re going on 13 years, two kids we have a nice place in FL. I’ve come a long way but I also have so much work to do. Learning a lot from your videos it’s valuable information it really is
Wow, love this video so much. But, it just reminds me that I've never had a boyfriend and I'm 18 next month. I just don't know how to talk to people in a friendly manner, never mind getting closer to people into a relationship. Every time I try to challenge myself by trying to talk to people, I just crumble under the pressure. I plan out what I'm going to say, yet the words still fail to come out. I stutter like an idiot and then get even more embarrassed so I walk away. I don't know what else to do.
Watch his video for conversations! Don't thinks about what you say, Think about what you feel and how to make the other person feel. What you say isnt even that important.
Sir, your lecture perfect matched with my situation to which I have been fighting for years. Took professional's help, medicine but did not work. But got a relief here. It would be helpful if you could tell if there is any other video on this channel related to this topic.
Glad to hear this was so helpful! Check this video out that goes deeper on neediness and MORE: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-1R3zIvZqCAQ.html
Funny enough, I've always thought of all these things you talked about, my problem is that I'm not able to connect them as you do, now you've cleared it up, thanks
Hey Mr. Julien As always u come out with more intelligence that is associated with next level consciousness and awareness. Thanks to nourish we all by kind and valuable speeches. 👍🙏
Hey man what's up! I really enjoyed the breathing technique that you gave, I tried it and it made me feel very much in control and very very good. thank you again for everything 😊🙏
Loved it! Just one thing, if I'm feeling hate to one other person like a friend or family member, should I just hold it back or release it out? I always have that one feeling that if I say something bad and or wrong, they will start hating on me and ruin their day.. much love!
Hate towards someone is most often just a masked feeling you are afraid to express. Try to put yourself into that others perspective and understand their point of view and things that make you hate them. Also ask yourself what is the worst that can happen if you express your feelings and say what you think.
But, let's say I want to be better at socializing, but I'm implying that I'm not good enough at the moment, so I let it go, I accept that I'm good enough at the moment, isn't that the same as fooling yourself? And even if it is not, it means that I am no longer going to seek to be more sociable and how am I now to stay like this? no longer learn? Is it something that I don't quite understand with this letting go, what is done after letting it go, absolutely nothing? I give a personal example, during this week I worked a lot on letting go, and yesterday I felt different I felt that I no longer needed to seek approval from anyone I did not feel the need but I felt an emptiness... as if it was no longer worth socializing... as if staying silent was better, all this accompanied by. a feeling of calm with boredom. I don't understand what happened, did I fool myself into letting it go? for a long time i felt so needy that when i let it go i was left with a huge emptiness
The key is detaching your SELF WORTH from the SKILL... Most people work on improving various skills in order to increase their self worth VS working on improving various skills just to IMPROVE THOSE SKILLS. Check this out: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-M8f8kgCBbuI.html
@@JulienHimself Thanks Julien, I'll see. your knowledge in this is of incalculable value to me, one day I would like to go to one of your events in person
I really like what he says but it's just so hard to find someone trustworthy when they dress and present themselves like that. Maybe it's my culture and upbringing but in a presentation credibility is important and that is achieved through dressing properly. I understand the answer to that will be that he is "his authentic self" but sometimes it's ok to put on a shirt or a suit with a tie. You don't put on a suit for youself, but you do it as a service to others (especially as a speaker). But I'm not speaking about a suit, just like the simple act of shaving or showering or looking like he cares at all about his job. He clearly has great ideas but for me the sloppy delivery breaks down his credibility. Again, it's not that I don't like that that is who he is, but when in a place of making other people look up to you for advice, presenting yourself in a manner that you care for your appeareance makes the other people feel heard for. No one dresses up for themselves, I don't run around with a mirror infront of me all day, you dress out of respect for others.
@JulienHimself Your surface level audit exercise you did in this video reminds me a lot of my step-dad's acting class. He does this thing to help young minds connect more with their imagination in what he calls "The Imagination Journey". He has the class lay down and be comfortable, close their eyes, and take deep breaths "in... then out... in... Welcome to the imagination Journey" then he puts us in the journey. Describing how big the field of grass is, how deep the jungle is, what is all around, where we are going, what we are doing. It's up to us to picture what everything really looks like, colors, size, shape, feel, taste, sound. It's quite the experience.
Julien, so we actually should get rid of "more", let it go? I did the audit and the desire was more money, better girlfriend. Should I just let those "more, better" desires go (resistance), just settle with what I have, and I don't need more?
I think through this video It finally clicked and I got the whole picture of what letting go is for. So what is an effective way to let go and get really really deep into these layers of the mind? Do you have a specific meditation that you recommend for that which I can perform regularly?
The process I take my clients through is an 8 week process where we focus on deep inner work and letting go… You can apply here if you’re interesting in joining: application.julienhimself.com/
