It's so hard to do it. I've been struggling myself that I'm not good enough in my field, everyone tells me I am. I've been practicing of catching myself in those moments and repeat "I am good enough, I can do this". I see improvement in my confidence, even though I don't always catch myself in the negative thoughts, when I do feels so good to have acknowledged it
Hey Maika, I just want to thank you for making and sharing these videos with the world. This channel is probably the most helpful resource I have found in my journey to heal my deep-rooted insecurity and all of the issues that stem from it. You present these topics so clearly and concisely and evoke a sense of reassurance and encouragement better than any therapist I have worked with. It's still a lot of hard work and tough to stay consistent, but it's easy to comeback and re-watch your videos anytime I need a refresher. I can definitely feel that I am inching forward in the right direction. Thank you so much for all of your help. I like to imagine how much better the world would be if this was one of the top channels on youtube.
I am so happy to read this comment. I’m glad my content is resonating with you and helping you in such profound ways. All the best for your continued journey!
Thank you so much for making this video. It offers very practical and pragmatic advice. I have been working through Self-esteem by McKay & Fanning that you have already suggested in reply to another comment but am having trouble getting my new beliefs about myself and my worth to really stick to a point where I am actually convinced by them. I'm glad you mentioned that it can take hundreds, even thousands of repetions before the idea of unconditional self-worth begins to ring true. I wasn't really aware of this. Do you have any sources in regards to that, that I could read up on, as what you said gave me some hope to continue with trying to change beliefs about myself if it will require a lot of repetition to occur. I think its also because I am still avoiding dissaproval, and particularly rejection, from occuring so not getting any real world evidence or experience that i'm still ok despite those things occuring so not really believing them? I'm guessing it would be better and more effective to questions my beliefs about myself and worth after actually being rejected and dissaproved off than just as an exericse in itself? But obviously its quite scary to face something you have so much trepedation and fear of from happening.
Maybe it would help you to see your work as repeatedly disidentifying from self-depricating thoughts, rather than completely eliminating these thoughts altogether. If you feel discouraged every time self-doubt creeps up, at some point you probably won't have enough motivation to keep working on this. It can help to reframe the meaning of self-doubting thoughts from “I'm seemingly still not convinced, this isn't working.” to “Thanks mind for this thought. I know it well, at the same time I have chosen not to believe these thoughts, and will stick with this decision, now, too.” At the moment no specific resource comes to mind that elaborates on the point of having to practice, it's more something like an information that's given here and there in 1 sentence, I haven't come across a whole book about it. Yes, it can definitely be powerful to reflect your worth after an experience of rejection, but that's not the only way to work on this... You can start with being more authentic and paying attention to how, often, no one cares or rejects you. It's easier to prove to your mind 99% of it's anticipated fears aren't based in reality rather than actually creating rejection and dealing with it...
The best book on these types of negative self-esteem cycles is "Reinventing Your Life" by Young & Klosko. I also recommend "Self-esteem" by McKay & Fanning, and "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents Guided Journal: Your Space to Heal, Reflect, and Reconnect with Your True Self" by Lindsay C. Gibson.
Good question! You can either conclude what they are from observing your thoughts and actions throughout a variety of situations - this is when you look for the common theme in these situations. Or, you can read through core belief lists and highlight the ones that feel true to you (even when you rationally know they‘re not helpful for you).
Interesting question! Authenticity is often spontaneous, but not necessarily. It is definitely never reactive or impulsive. Authenticity means to act from what’s truly alive in us, our honest thoughts and feelings. This first requires us to be in touch with that part in us. When we’re very used to life as a persona, we may have gotten so used to repressing our authentic self, that it has become very quiet. It can be reawakened though, when we start paying more attention to it and creating room for it in our lives. So it’s a question of what we’ve allowed to become our habit - whether or not our spontaneous responses come from our authentic self or a false self. If someone has always focussed on being excessively accommodating, their habitual response will come from this habit, not from their authentic self. If someone had to grow up too quickly and assume responsibilities that were too much for a child, their spontaneity will come from a place of overestimating their responsibility and probably feeling overwhelmed a lot. Thinking about our actions may be necessary, in order to move closer to our authenticity. However, this only works in combination with feeling into the visceral, physical and emotional responses of our bodies. This is the main place to go for information about our authentic self. These gut and emotional responses of our bodies inform us about our authentic self: how a certain environment or person is affecting us, what we want and who we are. When we listen in to our inner world - thoughts and emotions that come up - we will probably also find ambiguity there. That’s very human. Our inner world is made up of different parts and voices, it’s like an inner team. Especially when we’re facing a more complex decision or situation, we’ll notice different responses inside. To come to our authentic response, decision or action, we’ll need to hear all these voices out, and allow them to hash it out amongst themselves. These inner voices have different volumes and speeds. That means, we’ll need to give them time, especially the slower and quieter inner voices. If we only act from the loud, quick voices, we’ll be unbalanced and a part of our authenticity will be missing in our actions. So - to sum it up: listening in to our spontaneous inner responses is a source of knowledge about ourselves. It helps to think about our impulses, urges, inner voices and instincts to filter out the false self and allow our authentic self to collect itself and come to a balanced decision. The more we practice this in more important situations, the easier it’ll get to act spontaneously from the balanced authentic self because we’ll be more familiar with it.
