How To Tell if You're Bisexual or Lesbian! /  

Thought processes being bisexual: "What if I'm actually straight and just lying to myself?" *a few minutes later* "What if I'm lesbian and just lying to myself?"

me: yeah no definitely a lesbian my comphet brain: but what If I’m faking it tho?!????

Something someone said to me was: "Do you actually like men and are attracted to them or do you just seek male validation?" I thought that was interesting.

Just remember you can be bisexual and have a preference. Whether its men or women :D

As a child I always fantasised about growing old with my same gender best friend. I think that was a sign...

i just thought kissing men and kissing women were two completely different experiences, that's how i knew. kissing men was not enjoyable at all, and kind of anxiety inducing, and kissing women was the exact opposite, genuinely had that moment you see in movies where the heavens open up and angels start singing, that's what it felt like.

it’s really frustrating because sometimes i’ll doubt my bisexuality by telling myself it’s just a phase. i’ve never dated a girl before so it’s easy for me to doubt myself

Something also about porn: when I was growing up in Catholic school and violently fighting my lesbianism, I found myself watching man on man. The women I saw in porn often made me uncomfortable. I, of course, thought this meant I was straight because it's two men. I then found out that many lesbians watch man on man because it's actually made for queer audiences. Straight and lesbian porn are normally made for straight male enjoyment and the male gaze, whereas man on man is actually...gay. That threw me in a tailspin for a while, but looking back is really funny to think about.

i feel like when your bi it’s frustrating because you feel like you need to pick a side which is not the case as all

me: is obviously a lesbian also me: "yeah but what if I'm not tho-"

As a 31 year old REPRESSED millennial bisexual... stoked for this quiz 😂

And once you figure out sexual orientation, you then realize that romantic orientation is a thing too. It’s a never-ending process of understanding yourself, and that’s a great thing.

you know you confused when you can’t even answer those questions

In conclusion I think I’m still bisexual, I can see myself being in a relationship with men and women but I can only see myself marrying a woman

I can not imagine growing old with a man, buying a house, having a child etc but I can with a woman. But I do like men. sometimes. But I immediately lose interest if they even do the slightest little annoying thing lol so idk if I like men? Idk help

bisexuality isn’t *only* a stepping stone but definitely can still be a stepping stone..js! as in my case and many others!

I mean if when I think about kissing a man I feel sick and I feel repulsed, and when I think about kissing a woman I feel happy and jealous of peeps with a girlfriend... I think it’s safe to assume I’m gay

something i struggle with HUGELY is wanting to please men - be pretty for men, be smart for men, show that I'm valuable for men - when I'm literally pretty sure I'm a lesbian. i think it's because society has taught me that my worth is what a man deems it to be - and lots of that worth is how I look. i have a desire to be wanted by men, I think, but I don't think I want them back.

You are genuinely my Melanie Murphy, for years I tried pushing away the idea of me possibly being a "sinner" (my family is relegious). But the last months I became more accepting of my sexual preferences (women and men). And today is finally the day I truly identify myself with it, I won't tell anyone tho (my friends are judgemental or relegious). But knowing that I finally know myself is really nice. I'm really grateful you're helping me see that I'm bisexual and proud!

I am an 11 year old girl, and I tried to figure out my sexuality. In this video I found out I was a lesbian. I was never into guys, in movies, school etc. Thank you so much, for helping me out.

How did Keara know I literally have been thinking about this ALL THE TIME recently

this video was helpful-thank you for your thoughts shared here. i am a bisexual woman, and have known this for many years, however i am still struggling with internalized biphobia that i picked up as a child. so much of what you shared resonated with me. it makes me feel good to see another bisexual woman completely comfortable with her own sexuality and just radiating positivity. thank you 💞🌺🦋🌿💛 ~ Nasim

“Sapphic” is also a good label if you don’t know what you want to identify with but you also don’t have to use any labels.

First question: "When you see an attractive guy" Me: "See that's where it's starts! What is attractive even?!"

I don’t feel any sexual attraction unless I form a deep connection w someone - I’m demisexual and figuring out how I find ppl attractive after that deep connection is so confusing and it’s sometimes frustrating in terms of exploring my queerness

You helped me so much, i have had such a hard time lately and you really helped me realize not only what i probably am but also that its okay not to know

As a bisexual, genderfluid she/her?,I find I am mainly sexually attracted to women, and mostly romantically attracted to soft men. I’m with a genderqueer / feminine bi guy and I feel so fulfilled and can see myself doing everything with this person.♥︎

I just tried to be content with not knowing which label fits me but deep down I was always looking for answers

ok but like... why is she so beautiful tho-

Thank you for this ❤️. I am honestly going through a bit of a time at the moment. For the past two years I’ve identified as bisexual, but recently I’ve realised that I’ve always felt a bit more of a pull towards women than men. Thank you for clearing this up.

history deleted Phone yeeted. Support needed. 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

When I was young, I see myself in a relationship with woman (I'm a girl). But now that I'm old (27) , I see myself being alone. EDIT as of this moment (January 30, 2023) I'm 29 and still single but alive HAHAHAAHAHAHA happy new year!

me: has known for like 5 years that i for sure am bisexual also me: still watches the video as if i’m trying to figure it out

Ok weirdly enough sexually I am wayy more attracted to woman, but when I imagine a relationship I can see mylself with both equally, but again when it comes to flirting I feel extremely anxious/uncomfortable around men...but I feel like that could also have different reasons

Here's how I knew. My "girl crushes" turned out to be regular crushes and my "crushes" on boys were entirely platonic. I didn't find this out until several months ago.

I used to go by bisexual, but I noticed that I spent so much time worrying about how much my preference fluctuated by the day that I just go by queer/gay as umbrella terms now. Takes a lot of stress off my back!

When I was 14 I had a friend, I felt so amazed by her, all I wanted is to around her and spent good moments together, but I thought that it was just friendship, like, you wanna be around people who make you happy and comfortable, but then someone told she liked me, I was paralyzed just thinking that I needed to get away from her because I didn't understand my feelings. I made her feel upset and that made me feel awful. Then I realized that I loved her for real, more than a friend, but all we had was just a fling and we don't talk anymore, for some reason, she doesn't want to be my friend and I'm ok with that, we're 21 now and we're on different ways. I'm grateful that now I know myself as well and understand my feelings.

Bisexuality is absolutely valid and I hate when people say stvpid shit like “sure you are that’s just trendy” or “oh that’s just to impress men” or “you’ll be fully gay one day” like it’s so rude? Imagine saying that to straight people they’d flip out

I always knew I was attracted to men, and I'm currently in a relationship with one and I love him a lot. I'm still so confused if I'm just "straight and faking it" or if I'm actally bisexual. I'm pretty sure I like women too, but I feel like maybe I'm suppressing that part of me because of how I often don't feel pretty or good enough for other women, and that I feel like no women would ever find me attractive. I want to be with my boyfriend forever, so idk if I'll ever actually find out if I'm truly bi or not, since I'll never get to experiment with women.

Me: Yes, I think I'm a lesbian, I don't like boys at all! Also me: But what if I just don't like boys now, but in the future I might like one?

i’m so confused, romantically wise, i can see myself with both sexually wise, i can only see myself with women

I thought I would share my story of how I concluded I was bi. When I was 12 my dad would always call me a lesbian and say I was gay and things like that, which actually made me question my sexuality. I thought very deeply if I liked girls in that way. And I decided I did, for a week I thought that I was gay. Then I thought I was straight again because I still looked at boys the same way everyone else did, but I also looked at girls that way too. Being young and ignorant I didn't even know that bi was a thing. Lol One of my friends friends had a tik tok saying that she was bi and about how she came out last year. Again me not knowing what bi was I looked it up. And I was like wow! I'm bi like 100%. There were still times I questioned it, but now I'm sure. Just remember you're going to go through phases where you like one gender more than the other, and where you like them the same. It doesn't have to be 50/50 100% of the time! Hope this helps loves!

I think a big realization for me was that when I thought I was straight when I was younger I was always like "well I wanna date a man who makes a lot of money" not really caring about the actual relationship. Even if I thought I had a crush on someone they would usually have feminine qualities. And I was also like I don't really want a high school relationship I'll just find a guy when I have to. But then when I was starting to question myself I always skipped over the thought of being bisexual cause I knew I really didn't want to date men but was still confused but then when I started thinking about it when I thought of me with a girl I was excited about it and didn't care what job they had and I don't know it just felt right and that was kind of the thing that made me decide how to label myself as lesbian anyways I don't know if this helped anyone but I hope you found it somewhat helpful

I'm 100% bi, but sometimes I still think about 'maybe' being a lesbian. And then I think "I don't want to have less options" lol Not that it matters anyways, I'm almost 22 and I've never been in a relationship, I guess the "bi yourself" meme is indeed true

When you spoke about why you don't dress "femme" anymore and are more comfortable in looser/different clothing, it made me feel NORMAL!!!! I was like, thank God I saw this video. since then I allowed myself to dress however I felt more comfortable and me, even if that wasn't the "femme" look that everyone expected of me. So, thanks girl 🙌

For me, I can imagine myself in a relationship with a man and marrying one. But In practice, it lacks the spark I imagined. I grew up thinking being with a man is the only way to be happy, but even though today I still don't know my sexuality, everyday I understand my sexuality more and more, and it's very exciting.

I think I’m at a point where I am romantically attracted to both but only sexually attracted to women. The issue is I have been raised religious, my family is religious, so basically I am going to have to suppress this for my whole life 🥲✌️

For me, bisexuality WAS a stepping stone

I’m bisexual, but I have a strong lean for women. I question myself all the time on this and I think that others would perceive and have a hard time understanding it. I’m not that picky when it comes to women, but men i’m very picky with. I’m attracted to both, it’s just very difficult to really get to the point of actually being with someone.

a week after i came out as lesbian after being bi for 4 years

Totally late but you were definitely the person who helped me come to terms with my sexuality

Oh my god, I can't tell how many times I watched Melanie Murphy's coming out video when I was questioning my sexuality XD I thought I was bisexual first, but felt more comfortable identifying as a lesbian or queer later (like just a month later lol). But the exposure of hearing the coming out stories of other queer people and learning about different parts of the LGBTQ+ community really helped me understand and find my own place within it

the thing im scared of is coming out as lesbian to everyone and then later on, finding attraction toward men as well. I just dont want to be like "oh im lesbian" and make everyone think it was a phase or I was faking it. (And if im attracted toward fictional men does that mean im bi or lesbian bc im not attracted toward real men but im attracted toward fictional ones.) edit: literally i haven’t checked this account in a year ik how stupid this sounds LMFAO anyways i’m unlabeled now idek why tf i cared

When keara said “and try not to think what society/ family would want from you” I really felt thaat💔 *and maybe after that I’m definitely gay*

I feel so much better thank you for this 😭 I realized I was bi just a few days ago and I’m freaking out so this was so helpful thank you 🤍

ok REAL question (anyone can answer): So I came out as bi then lesbian two years later. But now I can't help but fear "what if it's not true? What if I've just been 'faking' it and for" attention"? What if, in a sick way, i just wanted to "fit in" I've became so in awe and love with women and queer shows, characters, etc. but what if it's all just been a lie and fake? I always fear with my lesbian flags I have that one day I'll change my label and I now feel like a liar seeing these flags in my room. And it's almost like I feel like I have reverse internalized homophobia which sounds TERRIBLE, like i feel like I don't even let myself think of being with a man or if I do I just call it gross or smth without giving it a second thought almost like I fear if i were to like men bc for a while now people know me as the hella gay person. and i know it doesnt matter what others think but i genuinely don't know if it's just me repressing my liking of men and just wanting and hoping to be gay or if it's just a weird sick ass way of me still trying to discover myself or if i genuinely am just not attracted to men. like i always tell myself i'll never sleep with a man but have straight girls said that at some point just bc sex can be scary and gross until you actually do that? Sure I've found men attractive but then I'm always like nah i don't think I'd ever be sexually attracted to him whereas women on the other hand... I think abt sex with them and think boy it'll be scary and seems.. y'know.. at first but I think i feel like I'd enjoy it much more than with a man bc that just seems so yucky. And I have other thoughts i won't share aloud but yesh I dont wanna be the "have to experience before you can 100 percent know" type but maybe that's me and maybe it's not. I always picture myself marrying a woman but at the end of the day, I know I will end up with the person who makes my soul smile the brightest. It's just hard to have these flags and have the word out but then want to change my label to either nothing at all or possibly queer bc then I feel like a fraud or whatever.... HELP

Haven't quite finished the video yet, so idk if you're gonna go into that. But I think one thing that's important to mention is that your preferences and labels may also change. I identify as bisexual but am currently in a phase where I'm mainly interested in women. I still would not call myself a lesbian tho, because I know that in other times and phases I may be leaning more towards men. Just a thing I think is worth emphasising; no label that you choose now has to stay the same for the rest of your life!

yeah currently i‘m just identifying as a sapphic bc i‘m scared of faking it ya know😭

I honestly think a huge part of why I've thought I was straight for 20 years is just because I'm so intimidated by women. I'm realizing now that I may just be scared of exploring & actually may be even more interested in women than I am in men.

I was brought up in a Christian church. They taught me to love myself and love everyone else, no matter their race, gender, sexuality, orientation, pronouns, e.c.t. I'm not christian, but I think that they're part of the reason I'm comfortable with myself so far- whoever I turn out to be. The LGBTQ+ community and religion don't have to hate each other. Idky they do. I literally practice witchcraft and am questioning, with relationships and pronouns, but I still respect Christians. Idk. Just thought I'd say that. And TYSM FOR THIS IT WAS SO HELPFUL!

This scares me so much because I’m definitely gay but I just don’t want to be... I know it will make my life so much more difficult 😩

After years of questioning my sexuality on whether I'm bi or lesbian I decided for myself to stop labeling myself. Only label I'd still use is 'queer'. I think back in school it would have given me a lot of comfort to know exactly what my sexuality is but nowadays (I'm 19) I am so tired of that search for the perfect fitting label. I sure know my preferences but it lifted so much weight off my shoulders to just say f*** it, stop going over and over with this self labeling process and just see where life is leading me. Hope y'all doing well, have a nice week :)

I, myself, am a guy, and I honestly gave myself so much grief with this confusion. Like, when wanna be straight, i ending up desiring men like steve with gummybears, and when I finally start to accept that im utterly gay, i end getting feelings for women, if I look good in front of them, and feminine stuff in general. Doesn't help with my ADHD, *WHICH ONLY HYPERFIXATES ON THAT WHEN I COULD BE DOING SOMETHING USEFUL.*

I think im a lesbian but I spent a lot of time thinking I was bisexual Ive only ever felt attracted to girls and only ever dated girls but I find some male celebrities attractive but I've never found a guy in my life attractive

I need this channel so much you have no FREAKING idea

I'm a bi woman with a preference for women. What really confused me was the representation of bisexuals i was seeing on tiktok bc i was only seeing women with a preference for women who said that they would never date a man. Dont get me wrong, having a 99% preference for women is totally valid but it made me question if i really had a crush on a guy bc i thought i was supposed to not like him. Turns out i did like him even tho i have a preference for women and now we are together and in love💗

I just realised I’ve never actually thought about men in a romantic/ sexual way… thanks for this video you really helped me!

I'm so confused i though I was bisexual but I only like fictional or celebrities that are male and one time I thought I was "attracted" to a guy from my class but as soon as he said I like him I felt anxiety but I can also see myself in relationships with men but recently I'm starting to notice woman in a romantic way like wanting to hold their hand and being with them but I still havent fallen in love with woman either fictional or celebrities.

Me: "I'm bisexual. Periodt." My bestie: "For the anime guys and girls." Me: "Stfu." My brain: "Am I really-?"

Out of context but YOU ARE SO PRETTY, also I love your hair 💞

What about when you are attracted to girls but only see yourself marrying a guy which happens to be your boyfriend but you still are attracted to girls am i even allowed to consider myself bi

I found "homoflexible" or "lesbian" to be more suiting for me. Men's organ down there is usually in my rough sexual fantasy, however unless I somehow form a very deep connection w someone I don't attract to the idea of kissing and hugging a man, romatically and sexually. My male friends I see them like bros. But with women, that's a whole different story, I almost don't have a "standard" because it's easy for me to see beauty in a woman. As a kid I didn't understand why other girls are swooning over male korean idols and I fangirl strong lady characters without realizing I'm gay af. So yeah I guess that's my conclusion

oh thank god i needed this 💖 we love questioning if ur biromantic, bisexual or lesbian 💀💀

You and Melanie Murphy were both the RU-vidrs I watched most when figuring out my sexuality!! your videos help so many people! 🥰💚

I’m now questioning my sexuality because my mom told me that I couldn’t know that I’m lesbian because I haven’t experienced and I’m 13. It’s weird, I sometimes feel nervous or fluttered (?) around guys but feel gross about having crushes on them or do anything

I don't think it matters if someone watches girls/ girls, girls /guys guys/guys, as I've heard a few times straight women like watching girl on girl. As a lesbian, for me the way I KNEW was that I only seemed to get that "connection" with a woman. I had male friends who were good friends but I NEVER looked at them romantically. I never looked at a man and thought I want to rip his clothes off. I have felt that way about women of course lol. I can find a male attractive but only on that base level you are talking about. The person I want to share my life with and are sharing my life with is indeed, a woman. Lastly, it just feels right and easy to me as feeling straight would to a heterosexual person. If, anything you do with someone makes you not feel right then you're with the wrong person and/or you're not that sexuality that you thought you were maybe.

honestly i grew up trying to great this fantasy life with a man cause that's what i was trained to think that its a man and a woman and it took me a couple tries to actually be happy in that dream life to feel satisfied and when i started finding myself and liking woman that same night before i went to sleep i tried and envision a life with another woman and i instantly felt happy like the joy it gave me to envision a life like that was irreplaceable but then i remembered about my catholic parents and how they would probably never accept me having a life like that, they never really came out and said "i hate gay people or their sinners" but they did make some rude comments cause my mom found out about my bff is a part of the community. it made me feel super uncomfortable cause she's my best friend and at the time i thought i was a devoted ally until i found out i was part of the community. i hate the thought that im going to have to settle for a life with a man that i may not be happy with just to satisfy my parents even though i find men attractive its hard for me to see myself with a man emotionally and for me and emotional connection is 100x more important then a physically connection. Thank you for reading my rant really had to let it out :)

Legitimately thought this was just going to be her sitting silently in front of the camera

You ate literally my Meline Murphy. Before this point I thought I was pansexual because the only other female cousin turned out to be a lesbian and I thought since she did that, that my family would be disapointed in me if I cam out as a lesbian because they wouldn't get a straight wedding or anything like that. But now the fear is pushed aside and I know my true sexuality as a lesbian. Tysm for making this video!❤️‍🩹

Every sexuality has been a stepping stone to someone at one point, if you think about it

Me while watching straight romance: 🤷🏻‍♀️ Me while watching lesbian romance: 🥺💕💗😭❤️💗✨ Also me: what if I just haven’t found the right guy yet? :( BRUH

I'm 31 and questioning my identity as pansexual and my supposed attraction to men at all, and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for this video. Over the years I've thought many times that I might just be a lesbian but then felt disappointed upon realizing there is a chance, no matter how small, that I may fall in love with a man at some point and thought I may as well just say I'm pan. But every single question you posed just kinda hit the nail on the head and made me realize I generally don't have an attraction to men. Honestly every time I even SEE a man my immediate thought is "please don't think I'm interested in you" lol.

I literally just found you I haven't been looking for things on RU-vid in forever it feels like

When I was about 5-6 years old I was "deciding" which of my male friends I was going to marry when I grew up, and I got stressed out because I didn't like any of them and I said to my parents "why can't I just marry my best (female) friend?" and they didn't give me a actual reason, they just told me that's the way things are and it was just a phase i would grow out of, so I decided that I wasn't going to marry anyone.... I think that was a sign.💀

Fun fact: when I was about 11yrs old I was super confused because of my attraction to gay men. I looked further into my feelings back then and became aware of women fetishising gay relationships, so I quickly attempted to ignore my feelings and look further into the community I assumed I was hurting. After many years of self discovery and vigorous learning, I now know I am a Bisexual male and am happy with that label. I haven’t seen others with similar experiences to me, but I hope my story helps someone else with their journey :)

Thank youu for mentioning romantic attraction as well! As someone on the Ace spectrum, romantic/sensual/aesthetic attraction is what I experience, and even though it isn't sexual, I still feel very queer in my attraction to other women.

No one, literally no one My mom: Let's take u to the doctor.

As a child, my first crush was my best friend Kathy. I was very young, growing up in a baptist family and they immediately picked up on it and told me it was wrong. I loved Kathy and felt confused. Fast forward 30 years, im identifying as Pansexual because I love a person for who they are…but always wondered if I was lesbian and told early on it was sinful.

You and Georgia were my Melanie Murphy ☺️

You were 100% my melanie murphy, keara! I've been watching your videos since maybe 2017 when I became comfortable identifying as bisexual. In 2021, I've now read the "Am I A Lesbian?" masterdoc and realized that compulsory heterosexuality was keeping from from realizing I just am gay. All that to say, thank you for sharing your journey!!

i’m just admiring your beauty the whole time :,) but thank u so much! this really helped me have a clearer view on the whole sexuality thing

I could hear you talk 24/7 I guess 😂 love your vibe.

I use to identify as bisexual for the longest time and then maybe almost a year ago I realised i didnt like men and it was pretty much just comphet but i didnt like the term lesbian (and still dont bc of some internalised homophobia I have) so I proudly identify as Sapphic or I use the term Gay (simple haha)

I have been thinking about this a ton, I really can’t tell if I’m attracted to men or not. at the same time, I feel like I’m faking liking women sometimes, so I’m in a tough spot

I'm still scared to announce my gender anywhere because it's NEVER clear if I'm bisexual, pansexual or lesbian... OR straight. I may be genderfluid, but... it's not that my gender changes from time to time. It's just that I'm not sure what my gender really is... But I do have crushes on both girls and guys.

I always wanted to be with a guy so bad, like i always felt fascinated with the idea of being validated by a men, of them pursuing me but my stomach just turn when i know they may like me back, i just dispise this idea. I always felt like, tho society wants me to be with a dude, it just felt so wrong to me. In the other hand, i love women, i want to hold their hands, and actually want them to love me, and i'm not scared to tell them i love them back, i want to protect them and give them love, it never felt wrong to me. I had a lot of very intense friendships, it made me so insecure to love women, but i now am open to try it. I just can't handle the fact i still have to pretend to like men, my mom want me to have a bf so bad, and this make me so insecure... also having anime crushes on dudes just makes me more insecure of my own sexuality. I hate comphet so much ;-;

My Melanie Murphys Keara, Georgia, and Jessie. Like that collab video came right when I started questioning my sexuality

My brain is always questioning: Am I actually lesbian? But then I realize I don’t have the same feelings for males as I do for females.. I can’t see myself in a relationship with a male, and I find females attractive as to where I don’t have attraction to males. I also question if I’m actually lesbian, because I’ve never actually been in a serious relationship with a female. I come to realize that I am lesbian when I kind of went over some of these questions I made for myself (as well as questions in the video) this really helped me, even if I already had an idea of WHO I was. Thank you for this :)

This video actually helped me a lot which kinda suprised me because I thought it would be another talking about being bisexual or lesbian that never really helped me to discover/understand myself. But now i can fully say i'm a lesbian and thank you so much for asking questions that were VERY helpful

One thing that I think really made me rethink my sexuality recently was thinking back to my childhood. I specifically remember making up crushes on the popular boys in my grade whenever I was asked about my crush. I thought, “Well this is who all the girls like so I guess I should like them too.” Really I just wanted to be their friend. I think every guy I’ve had a “crush” on I’ve just wanted to be their friend. But I was always thinking that I must like them if I want to hang out with them because that’s what everyone said it should be like. And I know what it’s like have feelings for a girl because I had a MAJOR crush on my best friend (sadly she said she didn’t have feelings for me but it’s ok and we’re still friends.) The feelings I had for her were very different from what I felt with guys. So I think I might have finally figured it out! Great video!