How To Tell if You're Bisexual or Lesbian! /  

sammmeeeee

girl i have had this internal battle every day for the last 7 years 😭

this is me all the time

the way im going through this right now and its so frustrating

me rn 😭😭

OMG YES

THIS

YUPP

I feel like that everyday I am like I am lesbian but then I think what if I'm just faking for a attention so yea life's fun, 6/19/23 turns out update I'm trans and bi

I felt like this too trying to figure it all out as if I would fake being confused and emotional about figuring out my sexuality for absolutely no one to see but myself 😕

100%. This helped me so much. I realized I just wanted male attention.

Yeah I always look for men to "fix" m y daddy issues even tho I have zero feelings for them what so ever

you are just confusing me even more 😭

@@illusion743 omg saaaame 😯

Oh

Absolutely, pretty much if you have to ask yourself these questions to decide then you're bicurious or bi whether your primary attraction is to male or female and whether you are or not.

Omg so true🤣🤣

Hell yes

yes:(

hell mood

amen

Same

Most of the time women don't like men , women look for women in men. So dont worry u r a lesbian

this.

this oh my god!!

@@guknhguhcrujbcd3962 THIS IS SO TRUE

Same... I have no idea what sexuality I have, I dated a girl and I really loved her and still I doubt it, idk, because maybe it's just a phase. I hope you now feel a little clearer about this topic, I mean, it's been a year since you commented :)

for me, I've dated a girl so I know for a fact that im def attracted to girls, so then i wanted to figure out how i felt about men. now i know that i've definitely been physically attracted to guys before, but ig im leaning more towards women cause i find them more physically attractive, but it's not like I don't like men?? idk why i was so hesitant to wear a bi label before, cause it's not like i was raised into think bisexuality was wrong, but ig i felt like i had to like one or the other and it was abnormal to like both for some reason. but ig that's cause society has normalized being straight, and now that being gay or lesbian is more accepted, it feels more normal to only like one gender, so much so that the bisexual label would come to someone's mind last

⁠@@yazzyxxI think bisexuality and sexual fluidity is more common. People are understanding the many layers of attraction and it’s much more complex than once realized. Most people I have are choosing queer. Labels can be restrictive and there are a lot of gatekeepers.

same! I imagined being “free” after our for some reason mandatory husbands had died and living together with my best friend and some cats as two widowed best friends for the rest of my life 😂😂

Same!!

omg same!!

@@helantopia lmao that is amazing ngl

Me too! I had this specific fantasy in middle school where a girl would move into the empty house next door, and we would become best friends. Throughout middle school and high school we would slowly fall in love and be invincible. Additionally, my family was never religious, but I would occasionally pray to God and ask them to send me a girl neighbor my age. 😂😂😂😂

this helped me so much, thanks

honestly!!!

IKR! This is gonna sound kinda corny, but it’s like in that moment when your kissing, your the only two people in the world!

Everything is clear now thank you

Wow I've felt both ways with both men and women

It is because I remember being really into male/male ships but hating the smut. When it comes to porn it has always been girl on girl because I thought guys’ penises looked like churros and I couldn’t take it seriously lmao. I guess lesbians being into gay porn or gay romances might have to do with some sort of projection? Like our lesbophobia is so internalized that we just can’t stand watching two women together so it’s easier to imagine them as both men. I’ve noticed that all the things I wanted to see in mlm storylines were basically wlw storylines repackaged as mlm. I think it’s another way our brain supresses shit we don’t like about ourselves, by covering it up with something less threatening.

No hate to the brain here but we do be like that sometimes

Yeah.... I'm at the point where I can't even watch stuff if there is a man in it ... anymore really bc it looks so cringy to me. I can watch he**ai with guys but that is different in my opinion.

How were you violently fighting your lesbianism

@@richsing4165 with a sword ofc

Really sounds like comphet! Might help to look into the comphet master doc 💜

You don't like men

This is so me. You might some occasional sexual attraction to men but not romantic, you might reserve emotional attraction for women only etc

wtf this is so interesting - same here. i find sex repulsive but am only 'physically' attracted to females if that makes sense and romantically attracted to guys, but can only imagine living with a female and not with a guy. i have much more intense crushes on male fictional characters, (all live action) but irl crushes have mostly been on girls. what does that mean..

It dose and it stinks, but like you said you don’t have to

Right now I'm frustrated because I don't know if I'm bi or pans. I can see myself with a guy, a girl, and a transgender person. What am I?!

Well, can you see yourself with a nonbinary person?

@@siliaschanz5364 Yes. I could see myself in a relationship with them if they treat me well and love me. I could see myself loving someone no matter their gender identity.

@@siliaschanz5364 (And thank you for the reply, I really need help figuring this out. If you were talking to me.)

Me too!

SAME! So glad I’m not alone in that I thought it was just me

I think I'm bisexual too, but I only see myself marrying a man rather than a woman.

This!!

Same!!

I don't think you can separate romantic and sexual.As a straight guy i can only be sexual and romantically involved with women,not sexual with women and romantic with other men.

@@robb5828 What I’m saying, is that people’s sexuality and romantic orientation are often not the same. For example: bisexual homoromantic, asexual biromantic, bisexual heteroromantic, etc. Maybe you’re sexual orientation and romantic orientation are the same, but a lot of people are different.

@@Reed5016 I got you, but it is safe to assume that happens only with Bi , in straight sex, sexual desire and romance is towards only the opposite sex, both of them

@@robb5828 Yeah. I’m not saying everyone has different sexual and romantic attractions. Though there are heterosexual people who are aromantic, and heteroromantic people that are asexual. But then again, most of those people don’t identify as straight. Sorry if there was any confusion.

@@Reed5016 no worries 👍

What is your situation exactly?

@@thehourglassfan3515 I'm late but since I'm in a situation like that, I guess I'll share some of my experiences: Ever since I found out that LGBTQ+ people do exist, I became open to the idea of not being straight, but I only began realizing I was attracted to women at like 13 years old. I spent months questioning my sexuality before I settled on bisexual with a strong preference for women. I knew I noticed a beautiful woman more than I notice a handsome guy (you actually hardly ever catch me saying a guy is handsome/attractive, but I say it about girls pretty often). I thought I was more likely to end up liking a woman but I could still see myself with a guy. Or so I thought. Recently, I've realized I have never been genuinely attracted to any guy, ever. But I freak out over girls being hot all the time. The more I think about it, the less I see myself ever getting with a guy at all. So I'm back to questioning. I'm still reluctant to drop the bisexual label for two reasons: one is that at least if I was bisexual, it'd be closer to being straight, and maybe my family would be more okay with it since a lot of them are kinda conservative and religious. However, I also don't want people to think the period in which I confidently identified as bisexual was invalid, aka "just a phase". So yeah, that's my situation. I'm not 100% sure I'm a lesbian yet, but day by day I feel further from connecting with bisexuality like I once did.

@@humanangel8007 Ok, I see. Well, I think you know yourself better than anyone so if you think that way, it has to be the case if that’s how you feel.

But bisexuality includes men and women, unless you’re poly you won’t be with two people at once, whoever your with doesn’t define your sexuality it’s just who your with at that time. if you’re bisexual, and get into a relationship with a woman / get into a lesbian relationship, that doesn’t necessarily mean you were gay all along.

Same

Indeed that sounds very gay🏳️‍🌈

Same (my username is Jim brown cause I didn't know what to put)

Im s0 guy😅

Same hahaha 😭 gay af 😂

i just know some things... 👀

I've been thinking about this since I came out to my best friend... that is for the past 2 years! lol

same

Ikr same

Samee

I feel this.

Big thing though women and society as a whole also treats you differently on how men see you…so this is also a factor.

OMG sameee🥺

THIS

I think what I've noticed w myself is that if a guy shows any interest in me, I'd either be nervous or since I never liked them in the first place-I'd start "liking" them back and would just want to be w them bc, I think I just liked their attention or smth, maybe I'm reaching. Idk if anyone's ever felt like this before

yes! i've been questioning for a while and that's been one of the thoughts that popped out of my head.. i still dont get it haha

YESSS at this point I dont even know if i like any gender because liking looks is shallow.... but again i am aromantic and feel like i dont deserve anybody because i never loved someone

Omg seriously same....I mean I too don't get this 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

You see I lowkey relate idk why it’s like a spell or something

yes thank you!

I am lesbian , I break up with my ex , he was bi , it was cool also , I wish a new good friend is been a while am alone

@@martigladi2696 wanna be friends ?

@@lanlan436 yes , are you single?

@@martigladi2696 yes

@@martigladi2696 do you have whatsapp or Instagram ?

Eek kind of a mood

i feel you. I have recently realised that I am demisexual too.

I identify!

Feel you so much!!

BIG mood! I find people aesthetically attractive all the time, but I only find them sexually attractive once I have a connection with them

me too!! but now I think I'm pansexual 🌈 Hope you find contentment in your sexuality soon 💖

Off topic but I love your pfp :)

same. i swore i’d stick to calling myself queer/unlabelled but i can’t live with not having a set label >_

@@neptune2266 as someone who struggles with sticking to unlabelled as well, i absolutely understand the struggle, but as i've gotten closer to accepting myself, i've felt a lot better and less stressed. it's a difficult feat, but please do your best to release yourself from the pressure to know exactly who you are. you're going to get there on your own time. not having an exact label makes you no less valid. we're in this together

i was fine with being generally unlabeled until i started questioning again 🙃 who and what am i ;-;

OMG HAHAHAHHA THIS IS MY MOOD

HAHAHAHH SAME

Fictional men and male celebrities are unattainable and liking them doesn't make you any less of a lesbian

Yeah exactly 🫣

Legit me. I also wanna understand how some people can be sexual fluid

same here but lesbian

i am THE same

@@TheVallex me too! Ofc I respect them but my brain just doesn’t understand what they’re feeling or empathize with them😭

SAME

Yesss good choice! Do what works for you and what you're comfortable with.😊

Same I just go by queer/gay because it means I'm attracted to women. It says nothing about men so I COULD date A guy but most likely date A girl

Same. I could never imagine myself getting intimate with a man. I find it gross

Nah don’t be ashamed of your bisexuality or repress it to get more gay gal pals! Bisexuals are great man there’s so much variety in that community. You can be 90% into women and 10% into men and You’d still be just as bisexual as the rest of em

@@Intokyky6969 is it a sign of being gay? Cause if yes, than I have something to consider XD

: 0

:(

@@debbyryan4670 🤗

@Alexandra Maier no one and am okay if you're talking about me 😉 hope you okay as well!

Me too!! You are not alone.

@@jesshannon1033 hi fiiiive ❤️👋

✊🏼👍🏼

Your life story reminds me of a bl named 'I told sunset about you'

I understand

i also had a crush on one of my best friends and realized just too late. I hope you're okay, I know how hard this can be

@@gabrielageolcilda I appreciate your kindness, I hope you're ok too, sweetheart ♥️

Me😭

Me lol

S a m e P a i n

oof yeah

Yeah

Omg same

God this is a whole fucking mood, I've been in a relationship but I haven't found anything that lasts. The thing about "not having less options" is so spot on and is what makes me feel like yeah I'm bi. I don't want to have to give up being attracted to men. I want both!

This is why more and more people are bi/gay these days. You’re literally not born with any different gay genetics. It’s a decision of convenience (or necessity) based on our self perception. zero bad vibes here: we live in an free country where it’s all cool…but I do believe (and many studies suggest this) sexual behavior & orientation can change over time if it makes sense for it to, and your brain is “plastic” and constantly reprogramming throughout our entire lives. so if you’re confused….literally it’s a decision, not in you DNA. Which path is more rewarding? Go for that

Sexuality can be fluid, so if you feel like the current label doesn't fit anymore you can change it. Ooooor you can decide to not use a specific label and just say you're queer or part of the community or something. :) Hope this helps a little ~

What if you just say you like girls? You don't need to pick a label now or ever really.

That’s me but the other way around. I came out as bi and I’m now realizing that I don’t actually like men in that way. I think it was bc I was forcing myself to like men bc if my family

I will say, you can 1000% like fictional men (and even celebrities and men you fantasize about in your head) while still being completely a lesbian. these aren’t real men that we meet and interact with, they’re just projections of what we want so it’s natural to form crushes on them. what matters most is who you actively like right now in your real life, because those are actual people and not just based on our desires. that being said, i’m still definitely questioning myself haha so there’s no pressure to give yourself a label rn regardless! if you’re still wondering about this tho i recommend googling the “am i a lesbian” masterdoc or checking out @patronsaintoflesbians on tiktok, both helped me a ton!

@@molly16474 Thank you that was really helpful!

same..

You could potentially be homosexual and biromantic!! Romantic attraction and sexual attraction can be separate :))

This 👏👏👏

Romantically I only see myself with men but not sexually. Idk if it’s comphet or whatever but I can’t even force myself to imagine the alternative and it doesn’t appeal to me.

OOMG same!!

Same

Yeah I’m still questioning mine I know for a fact I like women so I’m definitely not straight I think I’m panromantic But I’m not sure about my physical attraction I could be bi with a preference for women Or maybe I’m a panromantic lesbian idk

you literally just explained how I’m feeling🧍🏽‍♀️

me

Nah you’re almost definitely not gnna be with your family for your whole life lol.😌no worries just be who u are

If your family isn’t supportive of u being gay, it may be very difficult to deal with but keep in mind that you’re not gonna live with them forever and they don’t control ur life. Live however you want to without worrying too much about other people😌🏳️‍🌈

@@yukkiyukkiii2493 yeah it was at first but I’m thinking the same thing now, but then again, I wish I wasn’t raised with their beliefs for lgbt+ ppl, cause I had to deal with internalized homophobia for so long and I think MANY people do, thank you so much tho🌈🙌🏽✌🏻

Jake peralta aka andy :)

same 😭

NO BC LITERALLY ME TOO

Ik it feels weird to be faling things, but you shouldn't be scared of it, bc: 1) It's not important if you're "faking" it or you're confused, u don't need an exact label to be yourself. 2) labels can change with the time, so even if you had the wrong label, you can change it whenever you want. 3) Sexuality can also be fluid.

I keep back and forthing between straight, bi, and lesbian, like help me God. Bisexual feels alright but oh what if I'm faking attraction to women for attention? Most of my memorable crushes when I was young were on boys too. I've never even held hands with a girl so how would I know? But I've never done that with anybody period. And then it's like, were they crushes though? Do you really like men? What if you're just experiencing compulsive heterosexuality? Maybe all those anime boys you simp for actually have nothing to do with- what about anime girls then? Don't even get me started on sexual attraction, I ain't even trying to unpack that. Y'all I be struggling big time 😩

Heyyy since it’s been a year, have you felt any differently? Do you still identify as bi?

​@@nephtalie149 i'm curious too 🥲

This is exactly how I feel, you describe it perfectly

Im going through the same experience lmao

congratulations! I'm so proud of you!!! :)

Go you! ✊🏼

i think this is a great point!💜 i've been confused about this, personally, because i thought when i went through phases of being more into women than men, i thought my label had to change, but it didn't! but at the same time, i ended up changing my label to "queer" because it felt more like me!

There have been studies (namely longitudinal research of Lisa Diamond on a group of non-straight women) which showed that this is quite typica for those with, as she called it, "non-exclusive attractions". For many women who were sexually attracted to any degree to men and women, their preferences fluctuated through years (like at one interval, they had 70/30 preference for men, two years later it was 80/20 for women etc.). It's quite different from being exclusively attracted to women, since those were as Diamond called them "extremely solid group".

@@KearaGraves I recall that you called yourself biromantic homosexual in one of your previous videos. Do you still feel that it's accurate? If so, I always wanted to ask you what do you consider to be romantic feelings if there's lack of sexual attraction. Where's the line between having romantic but non-sexual feelings for a man and being true friends with a man? I hope you won't find this question rude, I'm just quite confused about this.

Oh yeah, I have those too. Sometimes I'm not sure where I'm at tho

@@anngan5045 Hey, I know it's been 7 months, but I'll answer this, as someone who has experienced non-sexual romantic attraction before. Well, non-sexual romantic attraction is essentially catching feelings for someone, with all the symptoms of a crush or of falling in love. So, you'll start thinking about that person more, being dreamy, feeling warm inside when you're thinking of that person, experiencing butterflies, having this desire to be closer to that person than a friend normally would be. You'll start feeling like just being a regular friend of that person might not be enough and you'll feel, deep inside, that you're in love with them and always thinking of them. You'll want them to also think of you in the same way. So basically, all the symptoms of being romantically interested in someone that would exist in any romantic situation. However, since it's a non-sexual romantic attraction, all your fantasies regarding this person will only be about stuff like kissing, hand-holding, cuddling, and you will not be able to imagine yourself in a sexual situation with them. A lot of the time, it's more about loving that person's soul or mind, if that makes sense, and you might feel warm inside when you think about kissing them, but if you try to imagine something sexual, that's not arousing for you and it makes you feel uncomfortable. So, I would say, there's a huge difference between friendship and non-sexual romantic attraction, because you don't tend to day-dream about your friends, get butterflies when you're thinking of them or think about them all day long. At least that's what it's like for me.

i don’t know your situation or where you live, but i found that for me, it got easier when i accepted myself. you are gay no matter if you hide it or not, and not being honest about it is just an added extra weight. when you know yourself and you love yourself, all of you, all of those difficulties get easier to withstand. and things don’t feel as heavy.

Wtih accepting yourself comes reaaal happiness, I promise you. I don't know your situation but I hope you are in a safe place with people who will accept you and love you for who you are

I feel the exact same way. It's like no I have nothing against gay women but I just want to be straight or bi but I'm for sure I'm a lesbian it's just really hard to accept myself. Like I just can't.

Me too. I feel horrible because when I meet other gay people, it honestly barely registers and I know logically homophobia is wrong; but when it's me I just hate myself.

@Alexandra Maier whatever makes them happy, i mean i could have a gf and I chose to be with my boyfriend which means he is pretty cool to say the least 😅

Awesome!

Thanks

Why wouldn't bisexual simply work?

@@odabuu sure, 'bisexual' can be used as an umbrella term but it just doesn't fully resonate with me. As soon as I put a label on myself I eventually find myself doubting that same label. I'm just tired of the need for a fitting label for me, the constant doubt and the identify crisis that's been going on for years... I'm just me. Trying to find the right label was not only impossible for me but also dragging me down over the years. I got frustrated bc the topic was super present in my life but I didn't get any answers to my questions. I found peace by simply not labeling myself. I'm not straight, that's it. I for myself don't need any more categorization - if anyone else does (to put me in a box) it's not my problem. And to only use a label in order for others to categorize me more easily seems to be the wrong motive for me. But as I said, I get it if others like to label themselves

@@gudeffm if you are also attracted to men isn't it a simple answer of you being bisexual? Honest question if you fit the description why not just go with that description if that's what you do it's what you do when the description is supposed to describe that

same ... I kinda feel bad , because atm I am not sure if I want to be with him or rather a woman.. I am confused

@@annalena3026 break up with him, it'll be for the better

I feel like I’m not pretty or attractive enough for men so :(

Figure yourself out before you get married because it can be a real mess if you don't

SAME

Exactly

Same Keara and Georgia Bridgers 💖

yes!!!

same!

it's usually different when it's their kid, because often they love us more than they love themselves. might take them awhile to process, though. i hope you don't settle for less than because of them

@Lana Joy that sucks you're so so so valid and I'm sending positive vibes to you! :)

@Lana Joy same!! aaaahhhhh

Wow...I think imma copy you with the sapphic label. Sappho/Sapphic is just such a beautiful term. I also like using wlw, as in saying I'm just a woman who like women.

Yeah I know I am a lesbian now but I’ve just been raised to believe it’s a dirty word so I feel uncomfortable saying I am such... I hate how society treats us so much

@@BoxGirl9 me too:/ i have the same issue

what is biromantic?

@@gabrielapayan1330 biromantic is when you feel romantic attraction to two or more genders but you only feel sexual attraction to one gender

ME OMG I NEEDED THIS TOO 🥺

@@thelocalchaoticgood6146 i think biromantic only means that youre romantically attracted to two or more genders and biromantic homosexual or heterosexual would mean that youre apart from that sexually attracted to one gender

@@thelocalchaoticgood6146 well if your heterosexual biromantic or homosexual biromantic your attracted s3xually to one gender but romantically attracted to 2 genders. you could also be asexual biromantic meaning you don't feel sexual attraction at all but you are romantically attracted to 2 genders ^^

She is! She's so gorgeous and cute, gorgeously cute lol

I break up with my ex , he was bi , it was cool also , I wish a new good friend us been a while am alone

Mood

Me lol

I start crying when I see lesbian romance because I get so jealous….

@@mellowyellow5865 why you get jealous ?

@@Sara-yj9vp because I don’t have a girlfriend

Are You From Ohio

so real 😭😭😭

LMFAO

HAHAHAHAH

I break up with my ex , he was bi , it was cool also , I wish a new good friend us been a while am alone

@@natashaaaa7726 I break up with my ex , he was bi , it was cool also , I wish a new good friend us been a while am alone

I break up with my ex , he was bi , it was cool also , I wish a new good friend us been a while am alone

@@martigladi2696 🤞🏻

I break up with my ex , he was bi , it was cool also , I wish a new good friend us been a while am alone

Same AHAHA. It always gives me an existential crisis when I think about it cause I don't feel like I like Irl boys as much as those 🙃

@@lunajz-1584 yeah. it's confusing but i am bi

This is me. I'm 32 and identified as pan since kindergarten...and yet I answered women to all the questions too.

same

I feel the same way, it can be so difficult some times. I keep swinging between “i’m def bi”, to “i’m just faking liking women because i want attention or smth” and “am i reallyattracted to men or is this compheterosexuality?” I don’t necessarily want a label or something but just knowing would be nice haha. Just know that you are not alone!! :))

@@danique8582 girlllll me too its so fkn complicated

Why do every single one of us think we are faking it at the beginning 😭

learning about comphet was DEFINITELY a game changer for me too... it's still hard to differentiate sometimes how i feel because i don't know if it's due to comphet for not...!

@@KearaGraves I feel that too. I think what matters most is just owning the labels that feel right to you, and not letting the moment shift your mood :)