The way I got a girlfriend as a femme lesbian was by putting a giant pin on my purse that said "Nobody knows I'm gay." A cute girl in my Biology class saw it and invited me out for coffee. Now she's my wife.
Evelyn Raye That is a very tough question if you can’t actually say your sexuality or once you start dating them then nobody can know about it. You’ll basically have to speak through body language and opportunity’s alone with someone. You’ll also have to go out with friends or whatever is fun to you and just meet people in a way that makes you happy and if you see someone you like make conversation or see what happens maybe try to get them to say their sexuality or just vibe and see where it goes. If you want you can just be straight forward and ask a girl you like if she’s straight but that would kind of be telling them your gay so idk. But if y’all get to talking and even secretly dating just explain to her that nobody can know until your ready and make sure she respects that. With time love and understanding anything is possible. The older you get though the easier it is, being in a rush to find a relationship can be nerve racking and the older I get looking back it’s all about self improvement and growth and meeting people along the way. The best way is to just go with the flow and let life happen the person your looking for will find you and it should be obvious through eye contact and conversation and with time and understanding when they understand what your going through deeply and fully I’m sure they’ll work with you every step of the way if they love you.
monica. yes!!! i'm not out to anyone yet, but on instagram sometimes i'll post a story with hayley kiyoko or king princess music/lyrics. i've had girls dm me bc of that, saying stuff like "omg i love hayley!!!" it's a great initializer.
UNPOPULAR OPINION : There is a huge pressure in the community to be either a fem or a stud, like y can't you be whatever?? Also there is a huge pressure that in a relationship there needs to be a stud and a fem, who said two fems can't be together??? Pls don't get offended I'm just trying to get my options out there. Have a great day xx
people just like to categorize others to fit in their ideal boxes/labels and it’s just bull. everyone should be whoever they choose to be and be with whoever they choose to be with. at the end of the day those people who are just looking around to judge others and their decisions are truly envious of them and feel as though they need to bully them to feel better about their own life decisions.
I literally wore a shirt saying 'Wingaydium Lesbiosa' with rainbow feathers on it on my first day of uni this year and people still asked about my 'boyfriend'...
To all the fem girls out there considering going more masculine so that they’ll be noticed plz don’t . We appreciate you for the beautiful fem that you are and one day your girl will definitely find you #beyou🌈♥️
Im tired of seeing this. Girls we need to grow some balls because you guys are missing out on potential relationships but its really not that hard to ask. What if theres a really cute girl and you both have a secret crush on each other but the two of you are too pussy to say anything! So frustrating just honestly grow some ovaries guys
^ Okaaaay.. Let me tell you smt. I had a crush on this girl my first year of college (I was still in denial btw) and at that time I never had any idea that she was actually into me as well. I’ve always had feelings for her but I figured she was straight so I didn’t go for it. We had the same classes all our college years. There were signs that we were into each other like the glances, the smiles, and the subtle touches. Four years later, we were about to graduate college I found out from our mutual friend that she actually was pinning for me all those times that I was pinning for her. I also found out she had a secret girlfriend in third year college and I also got myself one before we even had the confessions. Anyway just want to end this with saying I found out after graduation that she’s actually my cousin😂😂😅😅🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ Welp there it is! I’m actually glad I didn’t ask her out😂😂
all my femme lesbians that have social anxiety, i do too but this helped me: 1. start by waving/ smiling to pretty strangers 2. start walking up and complimenting them btw u can do this at seperate times or all at once, it helped me with talking to people alottt and once u get comfy w all that u can start asking for their socials ect.
It's like being 50% mexican but being told you are white by white peoope because my family is fair skinned mexicans. It sucks to not be believed about something as simple as your identity.
an update on this statement : nobody knew that I was gay. I told someone and she said "oh, don't worry it's not obvious! I wouldn't have guessed it if you hadn't said, it's fine"... so
My example for this worry is that there is a girl in my class who has a love is love keychain on her backpack and I think she is gay but I'm too scared to ask her. I'm not attracted to her, I just want a safe space cause I have most of my classes with her (homeroom, math, gym, history, and language arts) legit there is only 1 class we don't have together...
Focus all your energy on developing your personality. Learn how to have a witty humor, girls like to laugh. Maybe adjust your wardrobe so that you're decently fashionable (just don't be a slob or a mismatched mess). Seriously, charisma goes really far. That, and life accomplishments. Sad to say that money goes far in this life.
I know femmes tend to think they look straight but they definitely dont. Though lesbians are usually thought to be masculine, queer girls that dress feminine still give that gay vibe. Cause its usually not just being feminine, its That Femme Look. So dont worry, we still can recognise you. We can SMELL THE GAY
People tell me that I look straight. I went to pride with my mom one day and a gay couple thanked me FOR SUPPORTING MY MOM! She and I were shocked asf. Lol
I’m a baby bi and it’s hard to have a gay radar! Ahah but truly when your girl crush is in a straight relationship is there a way to find out? I’m not trying to make them break up they’re so cute together, but that girl is so pretty! One of my first real crush.
Honestly yea, I’m pretty femme and while talking with two classmates I told them about my ex girlfriend. The straight guy was shocked that I wasn’t straight, but the girl who I found out was bi after said that they thought I was something not straight lol. They said that it was like... I gave off a vibe that was gay but they weren’t 100% sure.
I also like to ask girls, "do you have a boyfriend" and then you can determine if their gay or straight or not, and if they're like, 'no I'm gay lmao' you can be like "s a m e"
Moonlight io literally my mom is always like “don’t tell or think too much about it because you’ll actually turn out gay”. I’m always like, mom I already told u I’m lesbian, not thinking I could be 😖
Go out and meet people doing whatever you love, the only thing stopping you from finding people to talk to is your environment :) Most of all though be yourself I’ve seen a lot of videos and people saying what you should or shouldn’t do but honestly I want someone who loves the genuine me and I have flaws I make mistakes and I can be embarrassing like every person alive and I won’t hide that I want someone to love me for me and I won’t mind those flaws in others because I’m open to admitting my own 💛
I recently started accepting my bisexuality and I’m feeling confused and overwhelmed all the time but reading these comments made my day.. for the first time I feel “seen” and understood
I initiated a conversation with a girl for the first time the other night. We were at a bar. We had a great conversation and she gave me her number. I was so excited! Even though I've experienced rejection before, being not rejected made it so worth it. I even got to go on a date with her! Femme doesn't mean you gotta stick in the background. For all you bottoms out there, I think tops like it when you initiate things.
i’m closeted too but i wear a pride bracelet (rainbow) and am thinking of painting my nails flag colors like that person said so u can do little things like that
when you said "...dance class" i was like LMAO cause recently in our group at the dancing club we did a 'massive coming out' lolll half of our group turned out to be gay. isn't that great i mean
the reason i’m not getting a girlfriend is not because i look straight, the real reason why i don’t get a girlfriend is because i’m just ugly and awkward (i do look straight tho) sry for my english😂😂
This makes so much sense! I'm bi, and feminine and I'm super attracted to girly girls...but they're all straight. I have no idea where to look bcs I'm shy and awkward...
Don't worry about that and just ask! People have been surprised when they learned that I was bi because I didn't look like it. It doesn't hurt to ask or try to subtly hint at it to see and you might get a friend or girlfriend out of it
I'm a femme bisexual but I've always liked checked shirts (flannels) since I was young so I think people get it 😂 Oh!! Ask her if she listens to Hayley Kiyoko!!!! 😂
@@omi_shad girl I used to be crushing on follows hailey kiyoko, listens to her songs, used her as her whatsapp backgroud, admits she's straight. I ask her what about hailey and she's like "She's just a girl crush thing... I'm straight."... so I sang Katy Perry's "You're so gay and you don't even like boys", then she freaked out feeling attacked. Months later she came out to me, tells me about a girl she's really crushing on and going to date. Ouch.
It makes sense to me because some girls look fem no matter what they wear due to their body frame/delicate features. I usually dress sloppy like that, have short hair, and I never wear makeup but I don’t look ‘butch’ doing it. I look really feminine no matter what I wear, so I had always considered myself more femme.
Went through a phase where I thought I needed to dress like a guy, look like a guy, went to the gym constantly to get bigger and more jacked, ended up feeling alienated from my own gender and like a shadow of my former self. Currently recreating myself and never felt better, just dressing however I feel like it. Dressing “gay” doesn’t make you gay. Being gay does. Maybe people in the past dressed gay as a way to recognize each other because it wasn’t safe to be out, but as times are changing we shouldn’t feel the need to do that anymore when we can just be out and act gay cause that’s what we are. People should just dress however they want.
Clara Eva Simpson You are all over the place and so confused why can’t you just be normal and stop trying to be a man or a female flip back-and-forth just put on a strap on and have fun daddy must be proud
I love that my wife and I confuse people because we are both feminine. We are comfortable with ourselves, so strangers don’t realize we’re married until introductions are made or we use romantic names to refer to one another. We’ve been together for almost 15 years and MORONS still ask us, “who’s the man?” To this reply, if I wanted one, I wouldn’t be with her? I’m glad to be with someone who is comfortable in a dress, jeans, a sweatsuit, heels or sneakers, but feels soft, smells sweet, and looks sexy in whatever she wears. My focus is not to label, because people shouldn’t fit into boxes. Be happy with what or who you love because you’re you and you know yourself better than anyone else... Like the lady said, “Don’t change to please others...” be yourself and exude confidence in who you are!!!
So I was on pride in our city and there was this girl. Hella beautiful and sweet. After a few minutes we we're already very close and I started crushing on her. She called me "soulmate" and told me how beautiful I was and my crush got bigger. And than she told me, that she's straight. And I still have the crush on her. Fml
Except with social anxiety, I don't see why some of you are afraid to approach a girl! You don't have to be obviously flirting. You could just say that you like the way they did their hair or their clothes, ask them where they got it. If they have a book on 'em, talk to them about that. Girls are SO easy to talk to. Stop calling yourself shy! You are what you say you are, so instead build your confidence and charisma. You got this 💗
omg one time at school I talked to this really cute girl for the first time and then the day after I walked into her class and said "I'm here and I'm queer" and then made eye contact with her skskskskks
@@anitasparks It did happen, my dude. It was also a huge ass step for considering I never put myself out there. Also, I go to an alternative high school in Toronto which means everyone is depressed and/or gay, meaning this type of shit is the usual.
it sounds so dumb but i'm usually attracted to more masculine females as a femme myself but every now and then i'd come across a femme girl that i was attracted to and i always thought to myself "i couldn't date her... or i'd have to dress more masculine if i did" but then one day i had the realization that i can look however i want and still like whoever i want! i think the end of the video really reminded me of that so thank you!! even being lgbtq we're influenced by heteronormativity so i'm trying to get out of that mindset
In high school they handed out rainbow pins for pride month. Back then I didn’t know I was gay, but I wore it on my backpack anyway, saying I was just super supportive of the lgbtq+ community. Little did I know how supportive I could be😅🌈
My trick that’s WORKED. order rainbow heart stickers off amazon and stick one on the back on your phone! You always have your phone on you and you don’t feel awkward because you forget it’s there when you’re on it but everyone else can see🌈🌈 it also made me feel more comfortable with my sexuality seeing that lil sticker everyday 💖
I cut my hair short because I thought I had to. I really missed my long hair and it’s finally growing back. It might sound silly but I thought I had to give up a part of my femininity to seem gay enough. I know I love girls and I’m also femme. I love doing my nails, makeup, skincare & hair and wear pretty gold jewellery. It’s both me and I don’t want to change that. Thank you for doing this video 🤍 🌈
girl, there's no need to do something you don't want just to "look gay", no one ever said you have to have short hair if you're a gay girl, don't worry about it
I like dressing feminine and masculine. It depends in what mood I’m in. I like long hair because I like putting my hair up in these cool hair styles, and I like wearing makeup sometimes and dresses. Other times, I just want to not go near makeup and I just want to dress in flannel and jeans etc
That‘s a great suggestion . I didn‘t know about that collection and it‘s actually really beautiful and a great way to give people a subtle hint about your sexuality. I‘m definitely going to some jewelery from that collection.❤️
not gonna lie i didn’t think i’d relate to this that much cause i don’t dress “straight” but the actual tips helped cause even if i don’t dress like that every girls seems to think i’m straight, since i’ve had so many past relationships with guys (which everyone seems to know about) but once i talk to them they realize that i literally just talk about girls 24/7.
Tbh I don’t think “femme” or “masc” should exist like LET ME DO WHAT I WANT and once I disagreed with my ethics teacher when she said “all do you think it’s okay for boys to look girly and girls to look boyish,” I was the only one who said no. There’s shouldn’t be such things as masculine and feminine because they DONT MAKE ANY SENSE. She disagreed with me so much she spent the last 20 mins of class trying to prove me wrong
I searched all over youtube for a video for straight-looking men and meeting people and I didn't find it. I listened to this and just sort of substituted all the appropriate nouns and pronouns to reflect my situation and your advice makes really good sense for straight-looking gay men.
Ty. I just found this and it’s really helpful. I’m also a femme queer girl who’s considering going more masculine so I’ll fit most peoples ideas of “lesbian”. but after this I think I look fine as I am. I’m subbing. Can’t wait to see more of your videos! :D ❤🏳🌈⭐✨
Peach Creamsicle tbh I think you’re overreacting to this. I’ve never heard of “doe” ever. Femme isn’t exclusive to lesbians it’s just a way that one presents themself.
@Peach Creamsicle I never knew that it's bad to describe yourself as femme if you're bisexual. But can you tell me what it really means to be a femme lesbian then? So that I know why it's wrong to use it as a bisexual? (Even though I hate it that bisexuals are excluded then even when they're in a lesbian relationship and when the "points" of a femme lesbian are true for them too)
I really look straight and plus I am super shy to start converstion. So mostly I'm staring at girl I like and when she look at me back I’ll just look away. And that is my super flirt ability which doesn’t work. So thank u for this gorgeous video! It’s like some flirty guiding bible for asocial girl like me 😄
Late to the party, but just recently started watching this channel...I got a girlfriend over a dating app! I messaged her, she messaged back, I messaged again, she didn't respond...I quit the app out of frustration...Rejoined it a couple months later...Reached out to her again, like "won't message again if you're not into it but you're beautiful and fascinating, I'd love to keep talking," and she replied! we took it off the app to another app she checks more often, met in person, and now we're so happy together. It's definitely worth it to take initiative! :)
Tbh.. as a girl who isnt femme.. i feel like the "queer women are always masc" or "youre femme and look straight" is from STRAIGHT PEOPLE. Equally difficult when you're masc and everyone assumes ur male Great video though😊
very good point! i’ve been told my whole life i never looked “gay” enough by straight people and LGBTQ people alike! it’s an unfortunate stereotype, but there are many other unfortunate stereotypes in the community surrounding masc women as well... xxx
@@KearaGraves either you're "not gay enough" or you MUST be gay cause... why else would you dress masculine?! I cut my hair 3 months ago(prev down to my butt) to the length of your gf's hair. I looove it.. but tbh.. sometimes j just let strangers assume i'm male.. otherwise i'm pretty much outting myself. And in a pretty conservative area of the U.S. its just easier that easy. Sadly.. we both have it rough 🙃
@@KearaGraves Ha ha Your "whole life?" You mean 2 years tops? wlw always have been & will be non-homogeneous: high femme to stone butch. You do have to go to the right places, that is, where other lesbians are or might be like gay clubs, bookstores, coffeehouses, soccer or softball matches (or any sport that wimmin compete in.) Places with high concentrations of gays like Key West, San Francisco, LA, Provincetown. Events such as Dinah Shore week-end, a Fletcher concert, the National Womens Music Festival (44 years strong.) Yeah, femmes really have it tough(ha)...all you pretty much have to do is smile, be a little friendly, and the lesbian tribe will come flocking. Social media proves that again and again with subscribers, followers, and fan ships.
For not-out-people out there - one of first things I started doing to show others I'm queer was... doing finger guns, peace sings and so on. Like stereotipical hand gestures bi or just queer people do. I know probably no one noticed, but I knew. Then I strated doing like peace sign whenever somebody said "gay" or something like that. Still hard to notice, but I was doing it, I was doing like really quiet "present". And it really hepled me. Small steps, but steps. Now I have rainbow pin on my backpack (for few first days I was kinda hiding it, like not walking in front of group, but now I am totally comfortable with it). So that is something that hepled me, so maybe it will be useful for someone else. Lots of love ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
