I think you deserve a huge pat on the back for making this content for INTJs, a lot of the content out there seem to shame them for being too intense, aloof or even inept in life. Many suggests them to dumb down and to show up "lesser" of them in order to cater for the societal acceptance. Those suggestions make quite a few INTJs I know become apathetic and miserable. What you have proposed here is very encouraging and practical. Have been loving your channel!
This comment hits home. I feel like I’ve “dumbed down” to appease social norms and my happiness suffered as a result. I’ve been looking for good INTJ content to reconnect with my type and be a happier personn
Anyone that thinks you are too intense is not worth of your time anyway 🤷🏻♀️ It's lonely at the top (like the official websites states ;)) so any INTJ should rest there most comfortably - we are among the most brilliant minds out there and the world would be less without us!
Oh I relate to all you've said. Being a female INTJ is even more challenging especially in specific societies and when you show that "masculine" approach to thinking, doing business and expressing yourself (read as "not that girlishly emotional" and wsy too blunt /specific). I've heard so many times "girls don't do that" that by the age of 18 I was already on pills (but still doing what I wanted to do).
@@followme6482It isn't easy being an INTJ female, especially in a misogynistic culture heavily influenced by Confuscianism and Taoism. My paternal family schemed to get rid of my mom just because she couldn't give them a male hier. I wss isolated by my female classmates during 2nd grade, my guess is because I was different. They did attempted to group shame/ verbal bully me but I gave the leader a no-nonsense hit on the head as an answer that stopped it all together. My family keeping me at home most of the time didn't help my social awkwardness. My mom told me later on that my classmates (regardless of their genders) also hated me for not telling them answers/ help them cheat during tests and exams and got good results without cheating, knowing it will do more harm to everyone in the long run. My female INFJ best friend since high school also had it bad due to both that competitiveness and her mom not wanting her to read books or study because "it's more challenging for intelligent women to get married" while many parents wants their children to be studious. She's also not a girly girl. (Her outward appearance is even less traditionally feminine than me as my junior high headteacher helped me to embrace that feminine side of me, like caring, nuturing, though in a more logical and practical ways, and not hating dresses without having to lose myself trying to be like other girls. I hid that side of me thinking it's weak and subconsciously because my paternal family wanted a male hier.) It's funny and inspiring that my ESTJ mom and ENTJ junior high headteacher who changed my life has the same "manly" ways of thinking and doing things (they're both Te dorm, no wonder I worked well with them in problem solving while quite some saw them as overly strict) but they have that natural attraction that draws people in. They do have to be more tactful and understands social and cultural norms more than I did but instead of following some to fit in, they did it more out of care for others.
INTJ here, tell me if this is you: Things that drain me: - Fake people - Dumb ideas (especially because we know what good ideas are, because we came up with them.) - Expressing your feelings to someone that doesn’t feel 100% authentic because you don’t want to hurt their feelings. - Trying to explain an idea that makes perfect sense to someone you don’t feel is worthy of hearing the idea - Being around people who panic and can’t control emotions during stressful situations - People who talk over you mid conversation - Acting excited about something you have no interest in. - People who give off this vibe that they think you aren’t intelligent. Probably because it’s hard to explain your ideas to them without them being confused or thinking you’re crazy. Things that fill me up: - Being by myself - Brainstorming ideas - Relentless research - quietness - Order - running into another INTJ that thinks like you Edit: Also, small talk SUCKS! Being stuck in an elevator with no music with someone else who brings up the weather is about the worst situation an INTJ can experience on earth.
Oh gosh, yes, how I hate people questioning me. Especially when you know they’re just not intelligent enough to get it. But I guess you will always sound like a mad man to stupid people. I just explained it to you. I will make a PowerPoint presentation if that’s what it takes for you to shut up. Stop questioning my intelligence or my ideas, that position has already been filled. Thank you.
Fellow INTJ's, I had this thought a few days ago... I still need to work out the ramifications, but I think it will be helpful... life is not a chess game, it's a bridge game. What do I mean? I mean we don't all start from the same point and same power and same arrangement of pieces like in a chess game. Instead, we all have different strengths & weaknesses, like different suits, and we had no control over the cards that we were dealt. Some people were dealt winning hands with overwhelming advantages while others were dealt terrible hands with the worst possible disadvantages, but most of us were dealt hands that have one or two strong suits and the rest are weak suits. So playing "life" like a bridge game means leaning heavily on your strong suit(s) and finessing your weak suits. Personally, I've spent my life bemoaning the fact that I wasn't blessed with the strong suits that I wanted while ignoring and not using the one strong suit that I have been given, my mind. So, like he said here in the video, double down on your strengths.
For sure, that’s very well said. I have always had the thought that each person has their own unique strengths and weaknesses. It’s also of my belief that anyone can do anything they put their mind to so long as they have passion for said subject. I find it interesting however that depending on the level of passion it would determine how long you do something and possibly how well. Just because nobody’s going to put the time in something they’re not some what passionate in. Unless someone is put to do something their not passionate for but because of the commitment aspect they will give a minimum amount of effort in order to finish what they said they would participate in (can’t remember if this ideology is specific to intj or just n in general). These are some of my thoughts I don’t have extensive knowledge on the Myers-Briggs personality types but I have been intrigued of learning about it on my spare time.
@@Alexthecatlovesmusic Mmm, I can think of a lot of people who are passionate about music or acting who don't have any actual talent. I have a cousin in that category.
What I really like about this video is that our friend here tailored the video to Introverted Intuition… AND THEN Extraverted Thinking… and THEN BACK to Introverted Intuition… He stated what he was going to talk about, recapped what he was talking about, made lists, expanded and contracted on the list, and recapped his recap, stating again what he was saying - then summed it up in one phrase - then he touched Fi with the BE YOURSELF and gave his personal opinion on our attitude and offered up a heart-felt ending… It’s like he was staring at the functions on a screen somewhere and was talking directly to the functions. Pure genius.
I agree, Doubling down on addressing your weaknesses leads to the logical outcome of becoming reactionary. Which is nearly always a losing position to start from. always need to start from an assertive position. Addressing your weaknesses should be relegated to a leisure hobby.
Damn, this was extremely well done. This is the kind of mbti content I originally looked for on RU-vid, but mostly i just find parody videos or surprisingly uninteresting versions of this kind of content. This is definitely my favorite MBTI channel by far, keep it up!
Side note: I prefer the method of improving strengths more than improving weaknesses as well. I believe that some time should be put into your weaknesses to make them at least passable in the real world, but focusing on natural strengths is what makes extraordinary people. I believe the word "talented" is thrown around for people who find and hone into their strengths early in life, and never let up. Everyone is "talented" somehow. It's not about being lucky from birth, it's about finding your natural gifts and working hard at them for a large part of your life, in my opinion.
Chronic Riot I agree with you 100%. I spent a lot of time trying to get better at my weaknesses, and now I feel like it was wasted. To be good at your weaknesses you have to forfeit your strengths to some extent. People who are very successful in life are the people who are leaning into their natural preferences.
I have spent my life watering down my personality and dumbing down what i say so i won't be hated (as this proved to get in the way of achieving my goals... although it is common people end up hating me anyway as my intelligence is apparently aggravating or if i just say the classic "i told ya" as my Ni never fails to predict the ugly outcome of their poor life choices) but this has made me miserable. I feel exhausted. I have been in the grip of my Se inferior and even my Si demon for a long time. Not a great place to be. But recently my Te is making a comeback and with a vengeance and everyone is starting to hate me... even fear me.... Good thing is I don't care anymore and contrary to what I expected, this has made feel incredibly wholesome. i understood there is not a single goal that is worth it if i am going to compromise my core self... gee, that can be extremely detrimental. Inferior Se and Polar Fe have caused me so much damage. Thanks for your video, you are brilliant. It would be interesting if you talked more about developed/underdeveloped tertiary Fi in INTJs.
Too true- "Good thing is I don't care anymore and contrary to what I expected, this has made feel incredibly wholesome. i understood there is not a single goal that is worth it if i am going to compromise my core self. "
Thank you, this is excellent advice! I totally agree that as an INTJ, adapting to the societal Se/Fe norms is a TERRIBLE idea - I've tried it! During my studies, my friends always told me to "relax", "enjoy myself", "live in the moment" etc. But to me this felt absolutely horrible like betraying myself. At some point I broke free and followed my "inner voice" on my own way. I met other people with whom I could actually be myself and I really improved my Se though "low intensity" activities such as meditation, hiking and motorcycles. That said, the way to go for me is to always set and achieve measurable goals - to satisfy my Te. Thus, I've now learned to actually be true to myself and ironically now get much better along with people than before ;-)
May I ask, how did hiking improve your Se? I know it's a popular activity and I'm considering trying it. Do you hike alone or with others? Do you enjoy it because it's intellectually stimulating, or because is it so boring that you achieve a quiet mind as a side effect? I walk on my road sometimes, and usually I end up not being able to think hard about anything. That's good when I'm stressed, but when I'm not, I'm awfully bored and left wondering if a certain type of scenery would be better. On which type of terrain do you hike?
Hmm. I've spen most of my energy covering my weaknesses, and am just a rather slow "normal" person as a result. I always felt like I had some bottled up potential somewhere I couldn't quite find. Perhaps it is time for a change of strategy, as I'm currently at a point in life that allows for massive changes in strategy. We'll see how this goes.
I agree. The ability to jump into the Se chaos feels like absolute hell. That’s why it helps to have an Ni timeline. We can only metaphorically kick and scream so long on the inside before it forces us to move.
I find your insights accurate. Adding to that however, the moving on is much much more harder to accept when it is an person in our inner circle who is causing the kicking and screaming.
Simple, (INTP here). You create an "preliminary dating phase". It creates as low risk scenario as possible. You do not technically date the person for a minimum of 3 to 4 months but you do everything to get to know them and their aspirations, hopes, and dreams. This is different from a "friendship phase" because you aren't just doing stuff for fun but instead to intentionally get to know them on whether or not they are a compatible emotional prospect for your future. If they are promising and you can get to know them and their goals align with your own then you can continue onto the official dating phase which is more cuddle oriented and kissing and etc. In this manner you don't have to waste time on someone who is not in your best interest and neither party can hold the ultimatum of "if you do this we're over" because there is nothing to officially "end". All major arguments get trivialized because there will be no fallout damage or emotional turmoil when you realize you were never actually dating them in the first place. People are superficial most of the time especially the first few months of dating because they are afraid to lose the other person. This will eliminate that fear. If it does pass and go into the official dating phase then you will enter the relationship feeling like you have been dating them for a lot longer than you really have and automatically circumvent the awkward "I don't want to lose them" mentality because if they stuck with you that far then they won't be going anywhere.
I used to think that im an autistic, i dont get why people laugh at sth that they shouldnt be joking about, i cant express my thinking fully or correctly, i dont understand how people feel, i cant read the room,, ugh its exhausting i really thought that i'm at least a little hit autistic, but then it turned out im jus an intj (female). What a relieved, lol.
@@rossy3lo INTJ as well. The way I've learned to cope with this is to try and open up to as many perspectives as you can and try to visualize every scenario how other personality types might view it.
Had to come back and watch this video again, I feel like at this moment it's exactly what I need to hear. I've been too focused on diminishing my weaknesses lately and I've completely lost track of my strengths, and it's true, it's a waste of time to try to fix every little thing about yourself. Now I find myself working really hard at work but not doing shit back home, where I should keep studying and working towards my goals. It really sucks to get older, I wish someone had shown me the truth about myself when I started college; now I'm 28 and all I do is work in a job I hate because it won't allow me to learn and grow as I know I'm meant to. It's like I lost any kind of passion for personal growth, projects come off as dull and pointless now, so I just do nothing but watch youtube all day waiting for the next day to come by. If you are a young INTJ and can read this, please don't do what I did, trust yourself and your abilities and push towards that which you KNOW you want, DO NOT LISTEN TO PEOPLE TELLING YOU THEY KNOW BETTER, otherwise you will be miserable and eventually forget what it feels like to have a personal project and give every thought to it.
I was going to say something very similar to this. I have worked really hard to improve my emotional expressiveness and I've succeeded pretty well. But all it really did was take away the spark that I used to have. Now I work at a job I hate and don't make waves. This video really encouraged me to invest in my INTJ strengths.
Seconded. I am over 40 now. Everyone around you will have an opinion of what you should do, who you should be, and how successful _they_ would be if they 'only had a quarter of your skills / intelligence / whatever'. Many things I wish I could go back and change. At least I did _some_ of the single-minded goal-pursuing earlier in life. Now I'm stuck in the 'pointless' / burnout loop again for many reasons.
The overthinking part of it definitely hit the nail on the head for me - I think through what "could" happen 1000+ times and then think of equal solutions several times before they arise. I should trust myself to handle those problems when/if they arise. That's really hard to do...
It's not just that. I wouldn't mind having to make sudden decisions about important things (I would actually love to) if I wouldn't tend to leave out important details due to the lack of time. When I have time, on the contrary, I think of as many possible things that need to be considered, added, avoided, prevented; so that in the future I won't run into problems.
Hard-core "geek" INTJ here... The quickest way to draw my focus to current situations is to inject chaos: I can instantly sift through "the mess," identify & execute the "remedy" that corrects the situation, and let the surrounding chaos "fall dead to the floor" rather unaffected by it. "DRILL" the substance out of the situation as it presents....never mind the chaos the surroundings create: it can be effectively illustrated by watching a Dr. attending to the injured at the scene of a vehicle collision. It troubles me that your focus was discussing "chaos" rather than distilling the core out of the chaos... Introverted feeling is never understood by anyone who expresses feelings extrovertedly.... they are parallel lines existing in separate universes. Introverted feeling is just as intense, but is expressed through targeted actions, rather than words or demonstrating outward affections. To INTJs, emotions are illogical, so they have to be vented through targeted actions... An example would be systematically addressing needs rather than sentimentalities. In other words, if you are looking for a "mushy, clingy, shadow" that has to say "I love you" every 30 minutes, *DO NOT CHOOSE AN INTJ* because you will get dinner, clean clothes, the vehicle inspected, and the bills paid, but rarely will you hear those "3 very overworked but little understood words." Like most INTJs, I LOATHE SMALLTALK, CROWDS, SOCIAL GATHERINGS, CONSPIRACY THEORIES, "SPAGHETTI AT THE WALL" THINKING, AND ENTITLED ACTIONS!!! When I do talk, my objective is to share information, and I will only contribute on topics that I have exhaustively researched and are committed to my neuro-processor in such detail, that I can recite the associated statistical data at will. Consider "Spock" from Star Trek.... because true INTJs literally feel marooned here from another planet. No one have ever gotten us. Your attempt to dissect our thinking & issues we confront is valiant but only scratches the surface.💜
@@mirsaes A reversal of your question would consist of you trying to convince me that *ANYTHING OF VALUE EXISTS WITHIN ANY CONSPIRACY THEORY...* But Beware... I will shred your analysis.💜
God it drives me crazy when people try to force me to tell them that I love them. I feel a slight bit of pain in my shoulders and chest when I'm nagged by someone to say those words.
I have no problem telling someone I love them, if I do. Those three little words are made into such a huge deal. They are simply words to convey a message same as any other words. Mind you, I won't utter that phrase or other similar phrases with anyone I don't highly value as such. Conspiracy theories are interesting to a degree. I like to be aware of things that are going on. I might check things out on a shallow level, if the topic is of interest. However, I won't delve so deep as to go against my best interests (time consumption, "knowing too much", etc).
Anyone else wake up in the middle of the night sometimes with analysis paralysis? It’s especially bad when there’s a big presentation the next day. I can’t sleep at all 😂
Best advice I can give an Intj is to be grateful for what you have. As an Intj we can get so caught up in what we have yet to achieve, the perfect life that is more or less unobtainable, that we can become extremely rigid in personality and thought, as well as severely depressed and disconnected from the people and environment around us.
Tooo late I already evaporated my weaknesses Wealth, Physical and Mental powers are in my hand. My heart is empty I don't give a shit about love. I'm like a one man army.
Getting permission to be as weird as I want made my day, my week, my month, my year, and probably my life! Thank you!!!!! I'm an Aquarius INTJ; I'm double "weird."
This is very very helpful!!!! Thank you so much!!! I often say that I proudly embrace my insanity and promote my weirdness! I love your videos! Maybe an other topic could be how INTJs could deal with loneliness since it is so hard to find adequate partners and even friends....
Love this video! Screenshot the summary, because my memory is garbage, lol. It's such an interesting dialectic to hold, being both unapologetically unconventional (individualistic, radically genuine, etc etc) and needing to be part of a team of extreme people who are vastly different from ourselves. However, in my experience, I must say this is absolutely spot on! Something I have found to be helpful is having people who believe strongly in community and mutual aid as a shared value with me, because we are more inclined to tolerate the discomfort of disagreement (an inevitable component of the group work you've prescribed) than people who don't hold this value, who are more inclined to give up when the going gets tough. Also, as a side note, when I go on dates, I nearly always make an intention to very early on point out that I am a very intense person. I like to think of myself as a cult classic, lol. Most people are off put by me (though less so as I've gotten older and more comfortable with myself), but those who like me, like me a lot... and what they like is exactly who I really am, not just my strengths. So, I may get affirmed by others less often than usual, but each affirmation is more deeply experienced, because it is of my whole, authentic self, which is nice. 😊
I'm a 37 year old INTJ male dating a 21 year old INFP female and this is the first relationship I've had in 5 years because I took time to work on myself after my last one. I've been with her since May and so far...it's been AWESOME! Minus some maturity issues which I myself had problems with when I was her age...she's actually helped me grow even more in ways that I didn't even think to look into. Being authentic from the get-go like he points out is the best STYLE period...not just "dating." I tried for over a decade of my life during and after I left the army trying to blend in with others and be a social creature. For ME at least...social situations where most "dates," occur such as bars, restaurants, clubs and so forth...are the WORST! That being said, I subjected myself to these psychological traumas every week and sometimes daily. I finally realized that I was torturing myself for no reason because my introverted awkwardness (which my INFP actually likes) was never that endearing when the mask finally slipped off to all these extroverts I tried fitting in with and/or picking up at said horrific places. No wonder everyone around me SEEMED fake...it's because I was the one playing a role that I was never meant to play.
When you started going into your spill on Doubling Down I actually screamed fuck yes at my phone! The older I get the more willing I am just to turn my dreams into realities and say screw everybody who doesn’t get it. If I end up being suspected of necromancy by the neighborhood kids and living with 7 cats it’s much better than conforming to some life some other people think I should live and feeling hollow and miserable.
Very well presented and accurate. Regarding your comments on being authentic in social interactions, I agree mainly because (it’s the only way that I can roll 😉), as well as for the fact that authentic people will attract those that really enjoy their company, and naturally repel those who don’t (ie win/win)!
Great video! Love your philosophy of be extreme in a well-rounded team, not the other way around. And practical advice on dealing with chaos, stop analysis-paralysis and take action. 110% love and support to your channel!
Thanks for recognising Ni Te strengths as a real solution to "fatal flaws" which INTJs otherwise resign themselves to. Leading with Ni Te can help break free of the subjective Ni Fi loop and Te grip with objectivity, logic and self awareness of behaviours.
great video and superb ending :) would love more INTJ videos, you seem to be able to "put the finger on the sore spot" when it comes to understanding INTJ personality and motivation (the expression is Dutch by the way, but I think not much is lost in translation)
Why sometimes I feel like people like me as an INTJ from far away but they're not trying to get to know me (except ENFPs, ENTJs and ENTPs)? Although I'm not interested in knowing anyone :)
Thank you! been through all this, especially recently I see clearly the contrast of taming or rather resisting chaos, and I found I was only resisting myself. or that many of whatever beliefs can be flipped in a not so familiar situation and things just roll okay or even better. there's no ultimate truths is something I believed in, but when you widen the scale of it, like in places and situations of discomfort, is something else. the control in fear of choas as if we see it as if it's now before we see when it's coming, that's introverted intuition for ya. Your content are becoming all the collective real nuances that the mbti community needs.
It's interesting that you bring up concrete facts, practical realities, and extroverted feeling. I'm an intj and I work as a marketer. You're absolutely right about trying to convince people with your ideas. You really need to understand them while also using emotion instead of logic to persuade an audience to take action.
I think living in the future can make living in the moment much more enjoyable when you’re scrounging though the mud. Knowing that what you’re doing has an end goal can make you excited for what seems like dull routine when living in the moment.
That's some of the best advice I've heard and will take it to heart. The part with not showing a false face you can't sustain. You of all people probably know just how goddamn draining that is. Along with every other INTJ here.
1:45 this image right here is spot on. Sometimes I struggle so much so explain the connections I made in my own head to real people that I end up having to draw a diagram of it to simplify it.
Solid information. "Live unapologetically unconventional" 100% I learned this when I was in 6th or 7th grade... it hasn't always been easy, but it always has had the best results.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽💫💫💫 thank you so much. It is helpful more particularly in third world countries. 1. I would like to know how do you tend to collaborate with a team that is highly competitive yet their ulterior motive is always in sync with how they want to feel, based on their confidence,yet you see they are fundamentally reactive in nature. The need of what they have to invest on is considering more sustainability functions or rather say investment perspectives. I am a Process Engineer by practice yet my inherent field of study being a Mechanical Engineer. I work with a great team that is highly controlled by (Fe) they have this pack nature that doesn't focus on the logic of the strategy rather than wanting to indulge in how they want their strong opinions to sound in a boardroom everyday, meeting by meeting they tend to have a self defense mechanism when I get too technically with how can we plan to control the exact Process flow rather than entertaining unnecessary inefficiencies. How to be less technical when your profession wants you to be highly independent or your technical strengths yet not appearing undermining or being much of a cut throat individual in a room full of people who are driven by how they want to feel a sense of authority? 2. How to ground your intuition when you constantly get ideas whenever you go or move. I tend to shift many times to what I study for. I am still busy with my post grand studies in furthering my studies further yet still working with my first degree. I constantly get a response from my lectures that says "try make only one assignment not a master assignment with multiple projects" yet each and every section explains or focuses in depth to detail. In essence they say I should not give them a project with multiple projects inside as it is unfair for other student's, when I do so, they tend to refer my assignment/project to other departments. I narrowed down what creates this, I saw I always have a high intuition percentage in my results whenever I take the tests over and over. This is giving me a struggle when it comes to life. People tend to run away from my meetings, discussions and yet communication. My one friend keeps informing me that I get too technical and sound highly informed of each and every topic they tend to bring to the table. At work both the principal and head management always inform me not to be extremely intimidating, I don't know in what sense. I struggle with this nature, I gave grown to understand the flow of chaos, yet when I get to bring myself to the table I always live the meetings in a cold response that people I engage with tend to not answer to the questions I raise. My fellow colleague informed me not to out smart the management and coworkers yet that not being my ulterior objection, I am only concerned with how to make things work around the organization and how can we sustain the resources with less inefficiencies yet always considering that chaos is an inevitable propensity everywhere there is a high consumption rate of multi resource functions. I kindly need assistance with how to deal with that not appearing undermining in any sort of a way. Your assistance would be of paramount value. . Thank you.
Unfortunately everyone has an ego and so few like to be challenged on their ideas. Such attitudes make progress and innovation very slow. What I've seen INTJs do to get ahead in the workplace is to learn everything they can about the system they're working on and make others come to them for answers. Then once it's obvious they are the only ones who can fix issues INTJs go to their managers or other higher-ups and demand a promotion (position that is involved more with the decision- making process). Once you get high enough in your company there will be less feathers to ruffle. When selling your ideas make sure to include how changes or upgrades to your system impact/improve customer relationships.
You are basically asking how do I make them listen to me and accept my ideas and strategies. The sad truth is they need to feel a personal/emotional connection to you or they won't listen to a word you say. You probably loathe small talk as much as I do but sometimes it's necessary. So ask your colleagues about their families, hobbies or just jump in when you hear them talking about it. Usually it's enough to ask questions and be a good listener. In my experience even if I have only one conversation with them about non-work related topics they suddenly will listen to me in the meetings and are eager to support my ideas. Besides they will realize that agreeing with the most knowledgeable person in the room makes them look good. Another thing I do is making use of the Ben Franklin effect. When I know I want to ask someone for a favor or need the person to accept my idea, I ask them for a small favor before. That can just be asking them for a pen or to help with setting up for a presentation before the meeting starts. There are more techniques like that but be careful talking about them because a lot of people see it as manipulation. I don't see it that way. Things like that come natural to a lot of people and they don't even notice that they are doing it. We need to make a conscious effort to make people see us in a favorable light. Just never compromise your integrity! Don't pretend to like complaining about the boss or another colleague or fake interest in sports or tv shows that you don't like. It's not worth it and usually backfires. Also don't spend too much time on making people like you. Just get a foot in the door and then show them who you are and why they should keep listening to you.
@@tas7471 apologies for the late reply. I am above and beyond thankful for the honest advice. I therefore need to develop an emotional connection with them.
2nd listen was better than 1st. I spent 50 years trying the 1st approach and wish i had not. Last 5 approach 2 has been hardest, but most rewarding. Great advice.
I think I'm INTJ and my best friend is ISFP. She's someone that I can "be in the moment" with and enjoy it. That's not the case with most other people - I tend to become bored and anxious after being around other friends or family for longer than an hour or two and not doing anything purposeful. I read a quote somewhere that "a bore is someone who robs you of solitude but doesn't provide company," which sums up the way I feel in these situations, yet it's offensive to others if I do something like bring a book, go for a walk, or just leave early. I have VERY little dating experience but I do not feel the need to change in order to be more appealing to or accommodating toward men. (Note the difference between altering or ignoring aspects of yourself to accommodate someone as opposed to being sensitive to someone as you get to know them and improving aspects of your personality as you grow together.) If I'm not interested, I'll politely decline. If I don't want someone to touch me (spoiler: I never do) I won't let them. If someone asks my preference in what to do or where to go, I will tell them. Funny how my family members and oldest friends are often the people I'm least authentic around, but on the other hand it's interesting that I'm willing to pretend in order to keep the peace or whatever. Wow that was a spiel... I don't even remember what the point of this was but it took so long to write that I'm going to post it anyway. xo
Strengthening your proclivities (as opposed to bolstering your weaknesses) is an element of the StrengthsFinder paradigm. I'm an INTJ with the top 5 of Input, Connectedness, Learner, Achiever, and Intellection. Knowing this and capitalizing upon it has been personally liberating.
Looking back I would say I heavily focused on fixing my weaknesses, a lot more than trying to double down on my strengths. For social interaction, I got good at reading body language, tone, and behavioral patterns to form a sort of cause and effect system for trying to relay the message or impression I want, though mostly just not to seem too cold. I am still a horrible salesman. "This is what it is. this is where it stands. this is what is or is not unique about it. this is how much it cost. Do you want it?".....People don't like that for some reason and I don't really know/understand why, so Idk how to fix it. I deal with chaos with nihilism and/or humor. They prevent me from becoming overwhelmed almost entirely. There are plenty of things I can't control in the world around me. I learn what I need to about them, and then redirect my attention elsewhere to things I can have an effect on. For dating, I like to keep it simple like coffee or something. That way it's quiet so we can actually talk and get to know each other with a tasty drink. I don't think getting drunk on a first date is a good idea. The date is already planned so I don't need to think about it further, and can focus more on being in the moment. The advice of basically diving all in on your strengths to basically build a team of specialists instead of a rounded team is something I have not previously thought about, but it makes sense. It's the whole reason construction sites have a General Contractor and then you have your Carpenters, plumbers, electricians, roofers, ironworkers, etc. At the lower level of things, businesses want everyone to be well-rounded so they can cover for each other and move workloads around, but at the higher level, everything is broken up into specialized groups. I feel like this is actually really good advice, and I'm going to try applying this more and see where it takes me.
How do you “roll with the punches” without getting stressed out? Say one is working with a very last-minute person in a job that requires preparation and planning. Working with this person then leads to that feeling of not having things in full grasp. Does rolling with the punches mean eliminating one’s expectations entirely? Does it mean allowing things to be put on them last minute? Embracing the chaos just sounds like allowing oneself to have an anxiety attack or worse, allowing responsibilities to go south.
Have you watched Game of thrones? I think Littlefinger is an INTJ and he says "chaos is a ladder" but ofcourse he means chaos for others while his moves are carefully planned to move him up the ladder. Also you give some great advice! Practical and interesting. I think you're my fav mbti youtuber :)
I've come to interpret that line in an application that has to do with making one's own rules in places where there are no rules. For example, there's a lot of moral inconsistency in America, so we should see this as an opportunity to draw up and propose rules of society of our own design. There is a place for dogma... customs that are not to be questioned... It's a good foundation for morality and provides a clear line that shall not be crossed, lest things become less clear and there is less of society that can be relied upon.
This advice is incredibly solid and can be applied to your projects as well, be unconventional people will remember that one oddball in the crowd especially if their idea is a solid piece that works, making them feel a sense of urgency will work too if you're being hired take a page off of our machiavellian buddies and make them feel like not having you would be a terrible decision, if you're venturing into you're own start up having them feel like funding your project (no matter what it is) would be directly beneficial to them and not aiding you would be very detrimental to their goals, just be useful, it's the one thing we're very good at, among many of course. I find that things go well when I approach them with a 'you're here to deliver a service' type of mentality that way I find the most efficient (often shorthand versions) way to explain my abstract thoughts in short bullet points to interest them then dazzle them with the bits that made me go 'cool' when I was working on them, throw in some hard numbers and you've got yourself a solid pitch. Creating visuals to help with the parts that would genuinely sound like you're reading out an encyclopedia or that are too difficult to talk about helps alot, plus since you're creative it'll probably look pretty cool. Because we're pretty cool, like invader Zim; we'd be incredibly dangerous if we understood how the peoples work. LMAO I've commented once before my projects going on pretty well, I might be done by January 😄
I'm so glad someone finally mentioned the "live in the moment" way of life I mean, you guys can go ahead and be present in the moment but we haven't dictated you to life your life any particular way and we expect you to do the same
Poor Things made me cry a lot as an INTJ because it really emphasizes the "play to your strengths" side of the personality type and you almost never see that in art.
best video ive watched for INTJ's!! thank you for giving me the encouragement i needed. love your content and your style! very straightforward but also quite pleasing
Thank you for the advice and I'm lucky I came across this video of yours. Thank you for saying that we should just be ourselves because that is what I need to hear rn- validation that I'm doing fine and it's normal to be weird. Haha.
“Being weird as f****”. POV me having a loft bed for storage. and all my walls in my bedroom have a desk for various projects/ computers and 3D printers. I have a fricken tool chest in my room. Also got the RGB lights and the sent sprayers. And everything hast to be clean. It’s real fricken efficient though. I absolutely love it
Tip: Get a puppy. Give it an unapologetically unconventional name. Plan for its future, but learn to embrace the chaos. And believe me, there will be a LOT of chaos. Tolerance for chaos will increase over time. Your puppy will need training. Need for order and control, and planning for the future satisfied. Your puppy will force you to go outside. You have to be attentive lest your puppy eat something it shouldn't, or be attacked by an aggressive dog. You'll be forced to stop day dreaming. Extroverted sensing gets better over time. Go to the dog park. Meet someone you like. Meet often. That's your unconventional date. If you want to stalk someone to see if you can be in a relationship with him/her, take your puppy out for a walk and sit on a bench outside that person's home. No one will think you're being weird, just being a good dog parent. Hopefully all goes well and you'll fall in love.
From experience, the CBT work I did to help my anxiety/ depression helped deal with chaotic situations and to act on the things I could change while ignoring those I could not. Great video. Feels great to have someone understand.
Such a great video thank you for this!! The analogy you used with the sand castle explained exactly how I feel trying to construct a sound philosophy or strategy to help me flawlessly navigate my way through relationships, business, and life in general without getting hurt only to realize that it’s a way of coping with the chaos
Nice content, I like the way you present, very practical and not vivid like sometimes I do :))) Btw, I’m working on my Se and looking for some practical advice, so good when there are people like you doing this kind of content. Many thanks from VN.
Embracing the chaos ... Oh, I got dealt way too much chaos recently and spent an evening about two steps away from melting down over it. Nothing went right; nothing went according to any semblance of a plan. It was just one wrong thing after another and I was 100% unprepared. I wanted to throw up my hands and step off so badly! Even I have my threshold.
Very good video with some interesting key points. Especially the part about being unapologetically unconvential. I will try that out and see what happens.. 😎
@@NathanJGlass I take it this advice applies to all areas in life, it might shake things up in a lot of existing relationships, how would we have to deal with that? Any ideas? Are you an Intj too?
@@NathanJGlass to be completely honest with you: I think you are absolutely right. I am the unfortunate type to overanalyze every relationship I have to bits and pieces; weighing the pro's against the con's, every microsecond. But I see your point: especially the explosion part💣 The only problem that occurs here is, that I am slowly realizing that me being my uncompromised self all the time, might actually mean in reality: me being alone all the time and then the even bigger problem is, that I don't consider this fact to actually be a real problem at all. Thank you for your insightful reply though. I have some more food for thought to chew on now.. You would make a great psychologist, you know that?
Just an infj with an intj as his best friend, giving personal advise. I've observed the numerous times of how doubling down can easily cause arrogance that's off putting and pushes good people away. My only advice would be to try and be mindful of how you come off to someone that you would actually value as a member of your team, because if you talk down to them for disagreeing with you or not understanding your point, you will push them away. No one is going to stay friend's with someone, who think's of them as inferior, unless they have traumatic abuse from their childhood that caused them to live life as a victim.
@@moonmanmike69 You are so right. Just today I read some more info on the main differences between arrogance and confidence and I do know I need some (alot) of work in that area. I know I need improvement in my communication style, still much of the time: I feel like I have to dumb myself down in order to communicate effectively with others. Thats why I guess I like spending time alone so much: it takes the least effort, but it's not a healthy habit. Winning teams are better than winning solo, especially in more challenging and satisfying lifeprojects.
