How Transitioning Changed Me?! 

"numb, a little sad" - absolutely identified with feeling this way

When you describe your life before transition, it basically my life rn :(

All of this has resonated with me so hard!! I finally came out as a trans woman last year in July and started HRT back in January of this year (2024). So far everyone that knows me that has stuck around has noticed a massive change in my emotional wellbeing. I've been accused of being "an unfeeling robot" before in life, but the same people that have said that to my face, now say that they've never seen me happier in life. Is it always rosy? Of course not, some days are more challenging than others, but the constant negativity that seemed to hang over me like thunder clouds is gone now and I have optimism for what the future will bring for the first time in my life... For context, I'll be 45 this year, but have known I was "different" since I was about 3 or 4 years old (so around 1982 - 83).

Your reasoning for transitioning is so relatable to me, other than me being much older. ❤😊

As I was sharing your account with members of my Spouses Group for partners of folks who are trans that learned about it midrelationship-it was so delightful to hear you already have fans in my group. I have dozens of graduates here in Oregon, USA (also California members were added since 2020), and having couples like you who speak openly and supportively about your relationship-it is the positive example couples who want to stay together need. Thank you.

I'm transfeminine, lesbian, 52, & english but have moved to Scotland as I've always had an issue with the racism, privilege & class etc bigotry, hatred, complicity & considerable negative(Scotland is better in general but still suffers from that also) side to society & the culture. My changes have been mainly grounded in as yourself not having to imagine yourself moving towards some kind of soulless, generic old cis guy mode (not that this is perhaps much different than any non conformist or queer cis persons experience)feeling more comfortable in my own body & being able to dress & express myself as I see myself & for me; feeling empowered realising I'm validatedin my feelings that my femininity/womanhood eminates from my soul, mind, character & identity primarily & gaining huge insight into how that relates to what I'm looking for in another person & how to communicate to others what I'm about, have to offer perhaps & what to expect communication/intimacy wise with me & an empowering sense of the ongoing & constantly changing/expanding nature of that (very calming/reassuring & at times challenging but from a strong place of trust & confidence in my instincts, perception & choices) A powerful & profound thing that I've found is I now find it easier/have more insight & be able to filter what may be other issues you have with being neuro divergent etc, whether or not the people you come across are worthy of any level of your trust & respect(sadly not in a lot of cases apart from abasic respect for other humans lol) Tragically what you're left with is an exposure & clear understanding of narcissistic behaviour, thought & culture There's no end to the types & amounts of people that will "throw you under the bus"/"pull the ladder up behind them" but this triggers less disillusionment & depression than before due to a heightened perception & awareness of the capabilities of people but also the lows some will sink to & is more effective for not being blindsided or overwhelmed by privilaged, toxic, narcissistic & even in some cases sadistic sociopathic behaviour & responces to trauma Disappointingly my transition has also exposed the failings & if there is a malevolent state of being/influence I'd suggest it is CONFORMITY & privilege driven & one of the main toxic influences on the human condition, I don't personally believe in "the devil" as I find that lets the people & situations responsible for manifesting that out of scrutiny, is simplistic philosophically & can taint, reinforce or aggravate conditions/situations etc It's been a positive for me younger queers & people having improved lives & opportunities as finding that attraction is empowering & flattering/humbling but that also exposes how weak, unaware, toxic & damaged that women & people closer to my age are & how little they have to offer/have respect for/understand & the reality of 20+ years age gaps isn't particularly compatible with my needs as I require affection, emotional intelligence & love whereas younger folk understandably in general seem more into intimacy & company & lack the depth I need perhaps

Hey! A lot of this is super relatable. I'm trans girl (amab) but I only realized it and started transitioning a lot older (40ish) and a lot more recently (a year ago) than Jackie. So I've had a lot of experience coping with living as a guy. Part of that coping was avoiding thinking about the future. Part of that coping was withdrawing from and avoiding most social situations. Now that I'm transitioning I've discovered that I love having a social life so much. Honestly, I had no idea I was missing such a big part of human experience. I coped in other ways too, unconsciously cutting out big chunks of life until I had something I could deal with. Somehow through all that I still had an optimism and I mostly liked the pieces of life which were left. But there was a lot missing. Assessing the affect of hormones on emotions is hard because there's both psychological and biochemical elements to my transition. But I think I can distinguish these a bit due to not starting hrt right away. I feel that estrogen has given me a full palette and range of emotions which feel "appropriate" to experience and help me exist in and understand the world better and more fully. As an example, I no longer feel "empty sad". If I'm sad I can have a cry and feel like it meant something, that it was, in some sense, "worth it" and helped me process the situation. This is amazing and affirming and I love it.

Welcome back... You were highly missed. Kindness, sense of humor, honesty, open mind are so very rare and necessary on these days ! Big hug from France from one of your ( certainly ) older followers.

Anya "Spread my seed (har har)" Jackie "Nope!" 😂 Love you two so much. I'm a Trans Woman and six years past discovering my authentic self and I was just raving about you both to my wife and saying how amazing it is to see you online you're an inspiration both of you.

Great to see a new video of you two lovely ladies 😊 you were quiet for a few months.

the bolo tie is so cute Anya!!

Hi, I asked those question on instagram, thank you for answering them. I'm a 20y female, and my girlfriend is transitioning. We met when we were 13, and I always saw that she was never a men. But I'm scared, looks like I'm in a nightmare just because I overthink a lot that she is going to leave me or that I'm not able to be at her side. Actually, what scares me the most is that she changed to be sooooo girly, extremely. Such a great change in her behaving and clothes is a bit odd to me, but I don't want to leave her, I think I can get used to it slowly. I'm trying to stay by her side, I love her so so so much, I hope we can do it together. Thank you for all the videos, I hope there is more. Sorry for the mistakes, I'm not good at writing in english. And thanks for the book Anya, I'm reading it at this moment 😊

Great video. Sam o’nella music is so funny though.

I can't say it's changed me much at all personality-wise, feelings-wise nor mental health-wise (and it has been well over half a decade by this point), but....I look far better in a blazer and tie now! It's probably accurate to say that the change suits me better, even if it hasn't gained much else.

Thanks for sharing more of your stories . You two are some of my favorite RU-vidrs and I rly appreciate your content 😊 I share in that transition changed me quite a bit, but more so just opened the box that was me. I became more of myself and am so much more open as a person. I see a future and I care about myself, where in the past I did not see personal growth as something that ever could happen, I felt stuck/trapped. I also have been with my partner through transition. She is the kindest and most caring person. She is also so amazing and passionate about her life and job. I’m so happy to go through life with my favorite person. Thanks for being representation of couples talking through and navigating transition together. Always wish u two the best!

So glad to see you back! 😊 this really brightened up my day, there’s almost nothing that brings me more joy than hearing a fellow trans person share such a heartwarming story!

Hi! Third time listener, first time commenter. I love your videos thus far and all the warm, positive energy the two of you radiate. I've felt really hopeful after each of the videos I've watched. What you said about feeling like you have future really resonated with me. I'm older and am finally starting to come to terms with who I am. I've got a lot of ducks to get into line before I can start HRT and began moving forward, but even just admitting finally who I am helped me become more geared towards a future. For better or worse, I'd always been fairly highly functioning in my denial, but in retrospect, I'd done this by burying myself in the present and letting the future just happen to me without really working for it. Now things I'd been thinking of doing, like going back to school to get further education and getting a driver's license (in a foreign country, in a foreign language) are things I'm actually doing. I finally feel like I have a future and a life to get in order. It's manifested in small ways as well, like taking better care of myself and wanting to have a social life. I'm even set to start getting the hair lasered off my face. It might not be hormones, but my facial hair is a huge source of dysphoria and discomfort, so for me it's a big win. Anyway, I've babbled on way too much. Thanks again for your videos! The two of you are an absolute delight and I'm looking forward to watching more of your content.

Thank you both for the video, it is wonderful to see the two of you, I love you both and relate to Jackie especially strongly. I don't tell my story much, but like Jackie I was born genetically male, but I knew there was a girl in there from the beginning. I've not transitioned medically (hormones, surgery, etc.), but after allowing myself to be seen as a boy for years, more or less, I HAD to tell my family and friends and acquaintances that I'm a girl inside. I live and dress as a girl now, and though some might call that cross-dressing, I WAS a cross-dresser when I wore boy clothes, and I knew it, and hated it. My parents don't embrace my coming out, but some of my family accepts me, and most of all, I'm accepting myself more, and more happy. I think of hormones daily at times, but am not convinced I'll get the outcome I want, and maybe, I just lack the courage. But I LOVE BEING A GIRL; even SAYING IT takes courage for me. I LOVE being MYSELF. Thanks to you both, and blessings to you both.

I'm about 8 months on E and transitioning later in life (47) so I haven't had the physical transformation that I dreamt about but going on E was the best decision Ive ever made. My constant depression and anxiety just sort of faded away inva manner of weeks and I suddenly felt like a new person. 😅 I lovd your videos and your obvious love for each other warms my heart. ❤

You're definitely one of my favourite couples in this world. I hope to get a just as lovely relationship with someone one day.

I’m glad you’re back. Missed you guys. Your transition story was very interesting 😊

I so appreciate this sharing. What you express resonates on so many levels! It is wonderful to see you both!

I’m so happy to see you two back! Your content always lifts my spirits.💖✨🔥

You are amazing, thank you for your content

Yay youtube videos are back 😊

Thanx for being back. I have missed your videos.

Thank you both so very much for making this video..😊 My spouse still doesn't understand that who I am was always there, but the expression of my WHOLE SELF wasn't freely/safely forthcoming until after the decision was made to live for myself, and not solely for others...😊

Missed you! Always happy to find your wise words delivered sweetly - thank you both so much 💕

You two are such beautiful people and you give me so much hope for my future. I have just started my trans journey and seeing the love and support that you two have just makes me hopefully for the future

I'm queer but not trans, and I really really resonated with Jackie saying she never imagined living beyond 20, so it felt like there was nothing to live for. It's like you said something I never realized before but I felt exactly the same for so many years, never feeling like I had a future in so many aspects of my life. Thank you for making this video!

Have been self medicating hrt for 3 and a half years now but only really 2 years because original hormones were fake. Life has got much better and can see a future, have been trying to gain more weight because want bigger chest and curves.

I existed for about 50 years before The word transgender entered my vocabulary and I got to experience life. Other people summed up the biggest change in me - e.g., “you went from being someone I didn’t want to know to someone I love being with”.

I date a trans woman and am AFAB/NB. I am wondering if I could email you both to ask some very personal questions that might help educate me better?

I'm desperately trying to move over to my authentic self, but I'm married with 6 children

Åh hvor ville jeg ønske at jeg kunne dele jeres video med min elskede kone. Har ledt med lys og lygte efter dansksproget materiale som perspektiverer evt potentielt positive sider af at fortsætte vores liv sammen efter min transition (MtF), men hendes engelskkundskaber ville desværre ikke giver hende det fulde udbytte af jeres ligefremme fortælling og skønne oplevelser ❤

did I hear "you gained 120 kilos" O_O loool

The audio is clipping and it’s hurting my ears. I love your videos, but I had to stop listening to this one