I’m Struggling With My Husband’s ADHD (How Do I Cope?)

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I’m Struggling With My Husband’s ADHD (How Do I Cope?)
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10 апр 2023

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Комментарии : 162

@itsgeorgianot Год назад

This is my husband!! My husband was literally unable to “learn” in school. Teachers called him incorrigible. But not only does adhd run in his family, high intelligence does too. When he was medicated in the 7th grade, he got a perfect score on the state’s standardized test. They had to bring in government officials and had him re do the test in a private room as they watched to make sure he wasn’t cheating. After failing high school with zero credits, he took the AZVAB and got a score of 97. He probably has an iq of over 160. Today he takes a very small dose of adderall “That doesn’t really do anything” and works 80 hours a week at a job he excels at- machine repair. I’m very proud of him but I’m basically his secretary when it comes to appointments. He forgets EVERYTHING! And by now I just assume I’m going to take the garbage out every week.

@johannesswillery7855 Год назад

God bless you for your commitment to your family.

@bnlearle 3 месяца назад

I wish you took the call instead! Great perspective. - Fellow high iq husband audhd’er :)

@EMO_alpha 3 месяца назад

Thats awesome! You like him alot huh?

@AKcess_Dnied Месяц назад

I'm not quite like that but I had to put appts in the calendar on my phone and set up so all notifications are 24 hours in advance. All I then have to do is resist the urge to immediately delete the notification. Being that persistent is annoying enough that I'll remember to go.

@AlexisDavis16 Год назад

I burst into actual tears during this call. Dr. John expressed how I’ve felt my entire life. He articulated his crazy brain in a way that was so human I thought he was mentioning my crazy brain. Whoah. I’m not alone. I’m purchasing scattered. I’m feeling hope. For now. Thank you ❤

@alittlepieceofearth Год назад

Same.

@haleyjordan9007 Месяц назад

Does anybody else feel mentally exhausted living with someone with ADHD? And how do others cope with their temper out bursts?

@SandungaLuna 22 дня назад

Talk to them about it and let it be known they can not lash out at you when they’re overwhelmed

@MrsDoe84 2 дня назад

Me! 17 years in and I'm exhausted with the constant rollercoaster. Everyday I get whiplash because of the behavior changes and issues over absolutely NOTHING. It's like living with that toxic friend who takes everything out of context and wants to fight just to fight. It is such an ICK and I'm struggling too.

@oncecursed1 2 дня назад

I just started therapy for this - what’s really interesting is my outbursts, to me, feel way lower impact than they are felt by my fiancé, and it causes me great levels of cognitive dissonance to hear that it sounds like I am quite angry. To me, I am quickly expressing it and moving on. I am working on dissecting WHY I have these outbursts and it’s been helpful! Biggest thing I’ve been practicing is sensing cues that an outburst is coming, and then lowering anger to frustration. Then it will be lowering frustration to as near to neutrality as it can be. I can honor the emotion, but take the pause to rationalize it. Also, discussing issues in the moment is good sometimes but sometimes you need to communicate that you need a beat!

@katelyndefreitas2810 Год назад

The problem is that people with adhd who “self manage” is that they have made a process that works for them to survive and once things change (ie kids) their brain cannot make the change without everything falling apart

@kierre8938 3 месяца назад

These episodes about spouses with ADHD make me feel so seen. Over the years I have started to believe that it's me making too much of a deal of things. I feel it in my soul that's not true. These women are having the same experiences and the same emotions. Im not a nag or too controlling. Im a wife turned mother. Im tired. Im defeated. Im not overreacting.❤

@rasakopitiam1792 2 месяца назад

Hugs

@reinar915 11 дней назад

❤️❤️❤️

@paulaaquino Год назад

You described my husband and our mom-son relationship. The difference here is, my husband thinks there's nothing wrong with him and he needs no treatment...

@mystrength5640 Год назад

I can relate😢

@theundone777 Год назад

As someone with ADHD, that's where the problem lies. I know my weaknesses, and I know that there are actions that I can take to mitigate the problems and make things easier on those around me. Yeah, they might have to compromise a little but I also have to do my part. There's a difference between having ADHD, and not taking responsibility. It's not right to put all of the burden on the partner who does not have ADHD.

@aliparker3 Год назад

@@theundone777 100% I was recently diagnosed and take full responsibility for it.

@ME-cd3bs Год назад

Gut health is foundational when approaching adhd. A good book is "Gut and Psychology syndrome" by dr. Natasha Campbell McBride. Find a good functional doctor who can read labs and address these issues. After that, behavioral therapy to learn coping strategies is key as well. Meds should be the last resort. I was put on ADHD meds when I was 4 - 17 and my health is permafried as a young adult.

@theundone777 Год назад

@@ME-cd3bs I tried all of those things first, and they helped to some degree but there was a plateau that I reached for several years. I agree they should be a last resort, and they were a last resort for me. I'm also taking the lowest dose that I can possibly take and have it still help. It's pretty low. I fought myself for a long time on it, but now that I tried it it's helping me so much. My brain is fried from trauma, and the medication helps a lot. I still only take it on the days that I work. On the days that I don't work, I'm just a scrambled person and I'm okay with that.

@rebeccabyrne1656 Год назад

I am in the husband’s shoes ADD/ADHD, thank you caller for taking the time to make this call thank Dr Delony for taking this call. I have experienced for many years from others that the statement “ well that’s just who she is.” And many times people will leave my life because “they can’t deal.” But thank you for the explanation, I can now make strides in processing conversations of the needs of others in future relationships and this call has given be more clarity. Thank you

@Nonya12608 3 месяца назад

As the spouse with the ADHD, the struggle is real.

@theundone777 Год назад

There are tools for ADHD. If you know you have it, it is your responsibility to use those tools. If you're not doing that, then you aren't taking responsibility for your actions and ADHD is not your main problem. I'm a woman with ADHD, and I don't have somebody else to put the burden on for the work that doesn't get done. I have to find a way to get it done, period. Sometimes that means cleaning in 5 minutes spurts while I'm waiting for the coffee to brew, it involves setting tons of reminders, it involves giving myself literal pep talks, yeah, sometimes it means self-compassion, meditation, and breathing exercises. I recently started taking stimulant medication and it actually helps. I didn't want to start simulans, it took an act of self-compassion to allow myself that tool as well. The core of it is, we all have to take responsibility and do our best to meet our responsibilities and to not take advantage of those around us. Yeah, we have weaknesses but that's not an excuse to not take mitigating action.

@ellecrescent9834 Год назад

I looked through the comment section just to like a comment like this. You’re totally right

@mariahconklin4150 Год назад

My house just gets super gross lol to the point where I have to clean it but when I was in a homeless shelter we all have to clean our rooms so it got to the point where I ended up being controlled to do it if that makes sense.

@devenydaniel2354 11 месяцев назад

I showed this to my husband he said your absolutely right. He is the one with the ADHD I'm more of a mom than a wife then taking ok my own fibromyalgia, and mental health from having fibromyalgia, anxiety, clinical depression it's hard taking on all of his responsibilities he was the me to do what his mother and father did never hold him accountable and still be his wife and mother and lover it's so hard and no matter how much we talk he ain't change

@donnaallgaier-lamberti3933 10 месяцев назад

I AM a woman and I read your comments and I realize this is SO typical of a woman. We are the ones who hold everything together no matter how ill we are, how tired we are whether we just got out of the hospital with surgery or just had a baby etc. The men in my life that I know don't THINK this way at all.

@trashbag3643 3 месяца назад

Men and woman handle ADHD very different, especially in adulthood

@wentzel812 4 месяца назад

I've had a few hundred conversations with my adhd husband which included lots of yelling. After the first few dozen times it felt like hell, he has lots of abusive habits and I've ended up in lots of awful situations because of his adhd. I had to calm myself down over the years because the shouting match is just not worth it. I still have the same conversations every week and month after 8 years. He refuses to do marriage counselling and CBT. I found a way to stay calm but I am miserable. I'm at the point where I can't do it anymore and I definitely need a therapist to help me bounce back to the happier person I used to be. Dealing with his adhd broke me, meanwhile he hasn't lost anything and is still himself and I've lost a whole lot of me.

@dorakang4526 3 месяца назад

The point you said ''he hasn't lost anything is still himself and I've lost a whole lot of me' is same to me. I moved to my husband's home country to stay with my husband and I lost lots of things of me but he gained a lot due to me. ... it's sad and tough to live with an ADHD partner.

@j.johnson7296 Месяц назад

I hope you move on.

@DeeAreDee 7 дней назад

As someone with severe ADHD whose partner broke up with them for very similar reasons, I feel for you. She didn't deserve any of it. Thankfully I'm not abusive, just incredibly unreliable and untrustworthy (to her as well as to myself). "Meanwhile he hasn't lost anything and is still himself" Please try not to assume you're the only one who lost themselves. You may have lost yourself while with him, but we began losing ourselves as children and often, it never returns. Our entire lives are spent wondering where our true selves went. It's a miserable half-life. I used to live. I haven't in decades.

@benbeaudet7999 2 месяца назад

Started Scattered Minds because of this video - WOW is it unbelievable. The level of intimate knowledge and ability to dismantle common misconceptions, while completely validating the pain and experience of people with ADHD is astounding. Fantastic recommendation.

@CurtisOnYoutube Год назад

If anyone here has ADHD and is forgetting stuff set alarms on your phone for everything. That’s what I do lol I wish I would have started doing this years ago. I always felt daily tasks felt like such a chore cause it would eat up my mental bandwidth trying to remember. Now I will just set an alarm to do the dishes at a time I think works good and all day just alarms go off for things lol. But me not having to worry about remembering things all day is such a relief. I still forget to set an alarm every once and a while but now instead of forgetting 7 out of 10 things it’s like 1 out of 30 things.

@strnglhld Год назад

I do calendar appointments because you can write a better description, set them to repeat at regular intervals and notify you X minutes/hours before

@leannewith3 6 месяцев назад

My husband has started doing this and it made such a huge change for him. Plus he will email or SMS himself with information that he will need for tomorrow or when he gets home. So that he sees it and remembers what he needed to do.

@danirocket21611 23 дня назад

I do this for EVERYTHING! It's beyond helpful. I require it for giving my dogs meds for checking the sprinklers for making important calls etc. I have alarms just to keep track of the day. At noon and 4pm

@victoriarivera9071 Год назад

A spouse with ADHD inattentive type who sees nothing wrong with the careless behavior and disregards the efforts the partner makes to compensate the lack of support … when the child presents similar symptoms and sees nothing wrong with that and constantly resists all efforts to correct the situation… Forgetting; that’s nothing. I just wish I could say things without getting aggressiveness back and the commitment to compromise…

@alittlepieceofearth Год назад

When John talked about needing an orderly environment if you are easily overstimulated was so validating.

@3roachkidsdhe Год назад

My son has ADHD and he definitely prefers an orderly environment.

@greggs2240 Год назад

Thanks for sharing your own experiences, John. Powerful stuff, brother.

@TW-ps2cr Год назад

Dr John: your humility and courage are humbling. It is additionally a relief that to hear a functioning professional speak honestly about overcoming dysfunction. Thank you.

@goldengirl5165 5 месяцев назад

I cried, listening to this. I have a husband with ADHD and this has helped me, so now i have an idea on how to approach him on helping me with household chores.

@ryanmason6718 Год назад

Thanks John and Im 80% Through Own Your past Change your future and Im loving it

@wakeupstylellc Год назад

All of this!!!! Brings me back to my Ex husband and I . It’s like he is describing my life. It drove me insane, and that made me pull away, he slowly became an alcoholic and one day when he almost plot himself on top of our daughter because he could see her from how drunk he was. I left.

@ColliersDesignConsultingLLC Месяц назад

I feel bad for saying this. I hate my marriage and want to leave. It’s not a “superpower” like everyone keeps trying to express. My husband is a hot mess and refuses to get help for years. Now he’s smoking vapes and weed daily and it’s making him extremely slow minded. I know he’s not autistic but I can’t deal with this anymore. I used to vouch for him anytime anyone would comments about him, but after 12 job loses, jail and a DV charge, extreme narcissism, abandonment issues, and both his parents on drugs (one died), IM DONE. I pray God can heal him it now I’m almost 30 and having to move back into my parents house smh

@danirocket21611 23 дня назад

Have you left? If not, what is your biggest reason for staying? If so are you staying away from him?

@SandungaLuna 21 день назад

This sounds like my story I’m also back at my parents house because he couldn’t deal with keeping jobs and had issues with weed and alcohol

@awildwandering 14 дней назад

My concern here is the DV charge. Wow. I just feel your struggle but if it’s a safety issue there’s shelters if you’re not safe going to your home with family. I’m so sorry you’re going thru this. Please be safe.

@rosewest5168 5 месяцев назад

I have tried to educate myself to be there for my adhd but the rsd episodes are so hard. My anxiety goes through the roof sometimes and it feels like walking on eggshells. He knows he has adhd (from childhood) but he doesnt want to face it. He wont see the doctor or go on meds. He wont go to therapy. He has convinced himself that he can manage it but the heartbreaking thing for me is to see him not managing it. Lashing out verbally, agressive talking, going silent on me for weeks when I try to calming talk to him about our relationship and the little lies all the time. I backed off last year and he blamed me for everything. 3 years in nearly and its so draining. There is so much I love about him but its like being with 2 different people.

@patriceaustin6160 4 месяца назад

I am completely in the same boat. Exhausting. I feel for you friend.

@rosewest5168 4 месяца назад

@patriceaustin6160 I'm sorry you are going through it too. I haven't seen my boyfriend since Sept because of all the silly silences and when we do talk and I ask him to stop he blames me for not contacting him ..even though I set a boundary and said I wouldn't if it carried on. They live in their own world and seem to block everything out. Conversations always turn into arguments. It's awful.

@patriceaustin6160 4 месяца назад

@@rosewest5168 im so sorry you are in this position too. It’s needless right? If they would just listen and hear us. I hate the silent treatment. Do you start questioning if it is really you? Sometimes I can’t tell after seeing how mad he gets over something so minute. I feel like I have to not be me to keep the peace.

@jodavis650 27 дней назад

I literally put my foot down ..and started doing to mine what he did to me..he would voice his opinion and I would remind him that he does the same thing and ask "how does it feel, sucks don't it" sometimes one has to be a villian..he is constant chaos 😂 but I no longer tolerate the crap..we do not live together thank god..because he is now hording, he always goes to extremes one way or the other but no in-between..

@edithaoneil6394 4 месяца назад

This call was so helpful. I find myself feeling so anxious and overwhelmed, because we've had these conversations and written things down so many times. My spouse has been through multiple job losses, how exhausted and filled with anxiety does the non adhd spouse need to get? Losing hope.

@cashway0420 Год назад

I'm 33 and just realized I had ADD 2 years ago. When life gets super busy or stressful it becomes so hard to function and focus, I had to take a step back and slow down and be careful about how much I take on, you want to do everything at once but you're only one person.

@s.a.6082 8 месяцев назад

Me too. I have to take responsibility and realize I cannot take on too much or my life spirals out of control. It’s frustrating because I want to do all the things, but I have four kids and they need a present and not constantly frazzled mom.

@jonquindiagan682 Год назад

Keep up the good work!

@audilecreations 3 месяца назад

Dont forget to remember! A coworker told me that one time, its really a great saying

@spiritsofthesky Год назад

Lexi, you could have been my wife on this call. Thank you both for having this conversation.

@contress37 6 месяцев назад

Wow My first time on your Channel! I had to get Dr. Mate book! I have inattentive ADHD and definite childhood trauma. Thank you!!!

@lyndiepanitz4431 3 месяца назад

Thankyou from the bottom of my heart

@belindagarza3958 Год назад

THANK YOU! This is my hubby to a T. I keep cursing my MIL. She's been gone for several years but we're still dealing with the chaos of the abuse.

@ashleygabriellapladsen1850 10 месяцев назад

Me exactly! My mother in law did not parent my husband at all and his ADHD is so severe now, it's extremely hard to deal with.

@goldengirl5165 5 месяцев назад

Yes, this is MY husband to a T as well! My MIL did not raise my husband. He was raised by his grandparents because my MIL lost custody of him and his brother due to her being sent to a mental institution. She didn't really get very close to him until he became an adult, and he went to live with her after his grandparents died. Then we became engaged and got married. Sometimes she tries to do things with him that she couldn't do when he was a kid, like the whole Easter egg hunting. She actually wanted him to do that one year but he declined.

@marywalker4441 3 месяца назад

Same here. Very hard.

@patrickkelly4286 5 месяцев назад

Fantastic a life changing podcast

@YaYa-ke1zr Год назад

This was very interesting. My partner was diagnosed and he can’t stand clutter… I work best in clutter and I work from home. We can have separate/special rooms in the house (ie a work room) or we can maintain separate homes. He says if we did any of those options, he would feel like he was being punished. We have to find a compromise. It’s tough.

@leahboynton1280 8 месяцев назад

I burst into tears with this episode. 1. When you said discipline feels like I'm losing a superpower 2. When you said your wife says thank you for bringing the cups in the house rather than omg, it short circuits the shame spiral.

@jenniferrogers4629 4 месяца назад

Helps that you are a strong, verbal communicator and can identify your emotions and verbalize them to your wife. Would like to know how to talk to my spouse who is spiraling when they are not good at verbally communicating their emotions Or even acknowledging them.

@user-rc8dm4gd5e 6 месяцев назад

I have been married to a man for 47 years that is everything that had been discussed here. He has never been diagnosed with ADHD but I’m exhausted from living and managing two lives, emotionally and physically. This chaos is killing me and he feeling awful about himself. I love him but I don’t want stay anymore, I don’t think it will ever be manageable at this age or point in life. So depressed

@JS-ss6ig 5 месяцев назад

I have been married to mine for 21 years, and I’m miserable from living this way. I hate being his mommy, the bad guy. I have tried so hard but the non add partner will never get their needs met, I understand his issues but it hurts to know I don’t have a real partner

@lindyloowho7 Год назад

I have been married to someone 36 years to a man with ADHD. Guess what so do our kids! It won't change! The most annoying is the procrastination on everything! He has no goals, no friends, no plans for future. So here I am still being Mom! Take a couple days for just you! Once my children were older, I went on a week vacation by myself or I take 3 or 4 day weekends. I use to make sure everything was easy for them but now my kids are grown, hubby a grown man. He can figure it out. MOM is done. I also suggest good Christian counseling! Good luck to you!

@mommyandmegardening9076 Год назад

I had my 9 year old listen to how he describes his ADHD at the end. I have never looked at it that way so neither has he. His eyes got so big to see a Doctor say that. That was life changing for this mamma and her boy. Thank you ❤

@kylaboulter9274 Год назад

Oh my gosh. This is my life 🤣 guess I better read that book. Totally understand what the caller means when she says: what version is he going to be this week!

@judymiller5154 2 месяца назад

Hubby with ADHD, medicated thru gradeschool. I have it too, but different aspects, dx in my 40's as our son was getting dx. I am 10 yrs older than husband and def struggle to not be the mom when he dies in front of the TV every evening. He is worse in initiative than I - I cope with lists and a drive to compensate for feeling "not enough". He works construction, I am retired so I work really hard around the home and acreage so he can do less, but get soooo frustrated with delays of chores I cant do. Realizing ADHD thrives on urgency, novelty, fun, competition, immediate reward, togetherness, showing off his strengths and so forth, I am finding ways to share my initiative in creative ways (NOT "here's the list of everything that needs doing on Saturday" lol). I had to clear resentment, focus on faith in his basic loving, helpful character. I am over the moon at 7 or 8 smallish things getting done in just a few days with no "friction"!! The struggle is real.

@amiblack8294 Год назад

I feel for this woman. I canNOT imagine having to deal with this crap while working full time with a 10 month old. If the husband doesnt prioritize addressing/remediating this for the sake of his wife/marriage, this marriage is going to disintegrate quickly.

@purplesnails22 5 месяцев назад

I'm already too exhausted to keep trying to have conversations like this with my partner. I've tried and sometimes it changes but mostly it doesn't. I'm physically and mentally struggling with my job, home, baby and manbaby.

@Jtuanhall 2 месяца назад

I don't think manbaby was a good wording for someone with a disorder but okay.. Its a challenge for someone who's Neuro-divergent (ADHD)to be 100% able to change and if they do change it may take a VERY long time to be able to make possible. It's not because they don't care or love the other individual but literally because they are wired differently; trying to get them to change is equivalent to telling a tiger that grew up in the wild that it needs to behave like a house cat. It may not be what you want to hear but this is the best I can explain to you.

@dorothyhodder203 Год назад

I wish I could have heard this 35 years ago. I have some ADHD and became mom to a husband with more ADHD for 30 years. Eventually, we divorced, after counseling with half a dozen therapists, and I still wish we'd known how to live our marriage better.

@deseraebrokaw6502 Год назад

Thank you for hearing me...

@mariahconklin4150 Год назад

I think I may have ADHD along with Auditory Processing Disorder...I watched some of this video and looked up the 7 different ADHD diagnoses from Dr Amen Danial's and things just clicked! When he says, "You're becoming the number of 2" that's me and my ex boyfriend. Dr. Delony was also the one that mentioned something that stuck with me (Of course I forgot what he said) lol but I have been needing to get my Serve Safe Food Card for a Dishwashing postion (which is a career I want to pursue) so I spent nearly 9 hours working on it having to stop each time to take down notes and ended up with a 90 percent. Thanks John! The reason to why I wanted to accomplish that is because my ex let me borrow $15 to get it done so I didn't want to dispoint him or myself because I rarely follow through with anything. Now today I'm going on a job interview but I really really want to be a dishwasher and busser lol which isn't really a career but it's something that I enjoy FINALLY! It just feels so good to be able to accomplish this with my disabilities that I don't even care if I get the job and someone else does. Even the hours are awful but I don't really care and if I do get the job it's at an elderly facility and I have the care giving experince to so I can do a lot of different jobs there and a lot of elderly just want someone to know they care and to sit by them to hold there hand...as cheesy as this sound it's pretty true especially those with Alzheimer's and Dementia and I know I'm good at this type of job. I like to how he says, "You all need to sit down and choose your battles." Sometimes I'm like why can't my boyfriend's do xy and z it's easy but it may not be for them and that's okay.

@strawberrysyrup13 10 месяцев назад

Thank you

@dancole2994 15 дней назад

EXTERNAL REMINDERS! I don’t mean to-do lists or sticky notes, because once focussed on something else he’ll walk right by and not notice them. For me, I use an Alexa device AND a smart watch that gives a ‘ping’ and vibration. A plan or intention means nothing if it’s out of sight out of mind. It needs to be in your face at the exact moment action is required, otherwise it doesn’t exist in the adhd mind in that moment it’s needed.

@lauramckiernan3213 4 месяца назад

Accountability is everything. My ex husbands adhd destroyed our marriage. He walked out, never wanted to acknowledge his behaviour, lack of attentiveness, unable to be financially responsible, deregulation, always feeling attacked over the smallest things. It was exhausting. To this day he still doesn't think he was the problem. I hope this womans husband is willing to own his part and manage his adhd.

@Jtuanhall 2 месяца назад

The accountability part is very accurate! However when it comes to managing ADHD it depends on the spectrum/ranking of the condition. If the individual is on the highest ranking then they may need to consider the idea of getting on medications to help manage their symptoms. People who don't have the disorder don't understand that not everyone with the condition can just "Manage" or "Take control" of it. Some have it severely and need to be on medication to help them take atleast some semblance of control. Not excusing ALL of your former husbands actions; but I am trying to make you aware that not everyone can just magically manage their conditions plus you gotta approach a individual with ADHD different when it comes to concerns or needs compared to non ADHD individual.

@kmb5678 Год назад

This was my husband and aside from the standard ADHD behaviour he had impulsive control issues. He cheated on me (sexually explicit messages). Then got fired for sexual harassment (sending pornagraphic images to a woman). I forgave, and Pieced him together and boosted his ego when he was full or shame. My appreciation/reward......no date nights or weekend away. No recognition supporting him broke me mentally, and sent me to counselling. The way to show appreciation is partially completing a dating profile (not active), and messaging other woman at midnight to check in as they seem down. Whilst im in counselling. And thats just what i found! Level of disrespect was unreal.

@AniAni-mk1dp 10 месяцев назад

That sounds like quiet borderline personality disorder. I am writing this to tell you, it was not your fault he needs professional help for many years. I hope you find peace with yourself and also realise that you husband has a very hard life even though it may not look like it, but that is not your burden to carry 🫂

@rubyb7252 Год назад

I've been married about a year and a half with my husband who also has ADHD and I'm just cackling over here lolol Definitely relate to the mentioned experiences, and I'm really seeing now why my husband and his parents love me so much because dear God does the ADHD make it difficult😅🙃 I forget it's there some days haha..😅 being that peace for him definitely works wonders tho definitely

@janettetimms8650 Год назад

I tried the "If you're late it impacts my job, (same company) If I'm unemployed I'm homeless" Even with a quiet even tone He fires up and he never, ever, let me finish a sentence whether we're talking about something good or not so good If he's done/said something bad, he either changes the subject or gets angry telling me to shut up Which is ADHD and which is personality?

@ataraxigrace822 10 месяцев назад

Abuse is abuse And neither ADHD nor Personality

@melissashelton1447 4 месяца назад

Yes!!! Dr. GABOR MATE has been an amazing source. I have 2 copies of Scattered!! My husband doesn't believe he has suffered trauma in his childhood...unfortunately I know his parents and their story.

@DiggininthecrateS100 Месяц назад

Living with someone that has adhd even as a friend and not a partner is a nightmare. I don’t want to be their mom & that’s what it feels like. Constantly picking up after, reminding, etc. They have made flights they would have missed if I didn’t wake them up, always❤ late, messy, self proclaimed lazy, always needing reminders, never cleans, doesn’t do laundry, only focused on themself.

@ChaiLatte13 8 месяцев назад

See that's opposite of what your wife said...lol 10:50 She says it is you who has the piles which I totally understand what she's saying. I just find what you said here shocking because it's complete opposite for my husband. I have told my husband repeatedly that a messy house where you cannot walk through doorways without tripping on a power tool or battery is absolutely destructive to my mind. He cannot see the mess at all. It seemingly has no affect on him. For him the items are right where he needs them and they are organized in his way.

@Jtuanhall 2 месяца назад

Thats because your Neuro-typical and he is Neuro-Divergent. I for one and Neuro-divergent, I was diagnosed with severe ADHD and my place is or was cluttered but I knew exactly where everything was because I'd place it in the same location to try to avoid forgetting where I placed it. It wasn't hoarder bad but to someone who likes things organized it would drive them insane. He might also have ADHD paralysis which indicates that he is aware of the mess but he has a million and 5 things running through his mind which in turn is causing him to procrastinate.

@awildwandering 14 дней назад

I pack everything but his bag and every single time he packs late morning of and we end up running late. Mine are done and by the door night before. Each kid has one they help pack. I wish my husband could get to a place of doing something because it makes me feel safe. I’m not sure he will ever get there.

@NiquazWorld Год назад

I’m married to a man with adhd. I want to know how to you deal with combative behavior when you let them know you are displeased with something they did. I’m also wondering if anyone is having severe communication breakdown. It’s a lot. I’m seeking divorce now because it’s debilitating! I tried everything and he will not do the work to make the necessary changes for things to improve.

@SephlynHermanCox 6 месяцев назад

All I can say is same. I'm exhausted.

@Jtuanhall 2 месяца назад

How did you approach him about it? Was it very aggressive/hostle or gentle? Did you sit him down so you 2 can air out what you both are displeased with or was it just you one day snapping? If you did did down eith him to open up about it did you atleast allow him to voice his defense.? I'm genuinely curious I may have a few answers for both commentors on here.

@emibri8 3 месяца назад

I felt seen. Its the little things that add up

@deseraebrokaw6502 Год назад

Safety!!!

@jadengo9812 Год назад

Love contents about ADHD

@GixxerRider1991 Год назад

She described me perfectly.

@shelleycharlesworth5177 21 день назад

Complaining is a form of control and a manipulation tactic. My partner is a relentless complainer. I think my 63 yr old partner has ADHD and if ONE thing goes wrong then everything is AWFUL. This is so exhausting. He is an expert at noticing what is WRONG. One wrong event will set off a tirade of complaints of things that happened years ago! He is always a victim....this is how he sees himself and it sucks for me to see him like this. Ugh. So one you tube video I watched said I have to "allow" him to "just be”..and not react. Ok but he goes on and on and on and ON...I have left the house many times just to get AWAY from him and get some peace..and this helps me calm down but if it's dark outside then I will NOT leave and so I have to endure this negativity which is depressing and horrible for ME I'm getting worn out .....agh........ Misses deadlines…hard to complete things in a timely manner..poor organization….protrastination…………. Easily distracted ..I feel like I have a child sometimes…… The other main issue I have is he often gets upset when I cut him off in conversations when he keeps going and going on a topic.

@jodavis650 27 дней назад

Im in a relationship with a man for 7 yrs and finally figured out what was wrong with him, i thought that he had NPD but he also had high empathy for animals..but the time blindness, and all other things finally figured it out and he wants help, but yes i am not going to be his mother..he has one..😂 but wanting help is the first step

@EMO_alpha 3 месяца назад

Why are both parents working fulltime outside of the home if they have a 10 month old?

@ChaiLatte13 8 месяцев назад

My husband is easily distracted and overwhelmed. If he is doing anything or if he has already decided to do something that day (which he did not tell me) if I say anything and I do mean anything at all about something else, he freezes and literally cannot do anything. For him, whatever he was working through in his mind, my words entering in his breaking point. He won't do anything then, so I just ignore him now and don't even walk downstairs if he's doing something. I'm not sure why medication is looked down upon so much. Hearing Sheila's side of things now, it sounds like she's given up instead of Dr John actually overcoming these issues. Sorry Dr. John.

@Kathy_Bennett Месяц назад

I'm starting to believe my husband does believe it is a superpower. It gets him out of things where he makes bad choices and doesn't want to answer for them.

@the_review_lady_channel Год назад

As a mother of six who has suspected ADHD, I TRULY appreciated this talk. It’s been on my mind to investigate the issue, but it didn’t happen 😝 Gods like “here’s your reminder”. I like the book recommendations also.

@strnglhld Год назад

If you’ve been raising six kids, you either have a mild case or don’t have it. Which is a good thing.

@Yahman1969 10 месяцев назад

This is my wife I call her my daughter because it feels like a parent child relationship

@nancytasha4749 2 месяца назад

Oops this is so me! I realised I have severe ADHD 1 year ago, (not diagnosed) and at 38 years I have no friends, I am awkward, an empath, definitely introvert. I have been used and abused, definitely a door mat. Sigh

@Blessedfamilymama Год назад

I have adhd. My oldest son is my male clone. My adopted son has it the hardest. He’s on medication and he literally can’t deal with life without it. (I mention he’s adopted because Dr. Delony said maternal stress effects adhd development) I don’t want him to take medication forever so I’m ordering the book for all of us, including my husband that has to live with us! 😅 Thank you Dr. Delony.

@fauxbro1983 Год назад

You don't have ADHD. You guys are all just lazy "males"

@strnglhld Год назад

Unfortunately, if you really have it, medication is gonna be there for life. At least for cases that aren’t mild.

@webdevjazz7740 Год назад

this!!!

@Launibu Год назад

I'm sure my husband feels frustrated with me. I'm extremely ADD. Yes, to the clutter....I stay stressed. I'm mentally drained most of the time, especially with one of my children having issues herself.

@the_review_lady_channel Год назад

Yes!!!!!! Same here, girl! Same.

@findingaway5512 Год назад

It's hard being a mom with ADHD. ❤ We usually end up responsible for lots of people's needs when we have trouble functioning to begin with. Educate your self about it tons of resources and videos out there and find ways to work with your brain. I got three kiddos who also got it going on. They have some food sensitivities so finding that out through trial and error has helped a lot with behavior. I am still a mess but much better then I used to be and always improving. There is hope.❤ You can always learn. I do best with listening so I take in information by that way.... Also helps to get chores done when you pair with a podcast. 😎 Win win.

@chrisa8203 Год назад

I am shocked. I know very little about ADHD but you just described me 95% of the way. What?? I think I have ADHD 😮😮😮

@sarahharris2729 Год назад

Maybe!

@MijoShrek Год назад

Don't self diagnose off the internet. If you have built up issues you are noticing that are hindering your day to day. Seek out professional assistance to guide you on getting an actually diagnoses.

@contress37 6 месяцев назад

If most couples understood how to go about the conversation with compassion and consistently the high divorce rates with Neurodivergent people would be lower.

@Blueyedgene 10 месяцев назад

I forget to eat….. it gets bad when I do that

@j.johnson7296 Месяц назад

I don’t think you helped her at all and you can tell by her responses. I don’t think her husband will change (or change enough/keep it up). I think your advice boils down to her changing herself only. Don’t nag him, let him procrastinate and not pull his weight, but be a team player, change your point of view. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t know how wives can have long happy marriages with men who have ADHD and yes I am saying this with personal experience. Maybe if both partners have it a marriage will work?

@shelleycharlesworth5177 21 день назад

HOW do you NOT "let" him procrastinate? If I say anything to my partner about completing tasks then he says I am a NAG! I left the house a few days ago to run errands-I was gone for 3 hours. Before I left I asked him to do ONE thing. I even said "I will be so happy when I return if you have done this". Did he do it? NO. I returned and he was writing an email to his sister. When I asked him did he do what I asked he said "no but I am going to". I said " WHEN? I was gone 3 hours!" He then went on to say he HAD to write the email to his sister. Nonsense. Doesn't take 3 hours to write an email. He is a grown man and I can not force him to stop procrastinating! Or do anything else!

@j.johnson7296 21 день назад

@@shelleycharlesworth5177 exactly, you can’t force him to do anything. If you try to stop him or help him stop procrastinating you’re a nag.

@rachelray4040 6 месяцев назад

I started reading that book and I couldn’t continue. I just wanted the author to get to the fuckin point.

@TitoCutsTampaBay 9 месяцев назад

Declaring war on himself.. Jesus Christ if that’s not the most accurate statement I’ve heard about adhd

@deseraebrokaw6502 Год назад

😢😢

@markmaurer6370 4 месяца назад

Leave him now. Not after 20 years.

@bryannegrave5789 11 месяцев назад

Don’t date someone with adhd if you want a fairytale marriage

@Jtuanhall 2 месяца назад

Sounds kinda harsh dont you think?

@WinstonSmithGPT Месяц назад

Do you have a car? Keys? Gas money? That’s all you need. It’s the only thing that helps.

@johannesswillery7855 Год назад

Her issue has NOTHING to do with the trash............

@warrpoet7001 Год назад

Get out of my head Dr. Delony!

@mikedelgado8460 10 месяцев назад

I think the book scattered is a bit outdated. Copyright for this thing was back in 1999. I don't trust it. Love Dr. D but imma take a hard pass on that book.

@rebeccapatton5414 5 месяцев назад

You should read it. Changed my life. Truths like that are timeless.

@beng4647 Год назад

I've been homeless my entire life. I have ADD and can't get healthcare because this country is hell.

@mystrength5640 Год назад

OH Ben.. Soo sorry to hear! Take Care. God Bless you. 🙏🏻

@marchosch3876 Год назад

I have ADHD and I have insurance. Methinks you're leaving something out. Not to mention Dr. John has ADHD and I guarantee you he has insurance. So yeah, you're making stuff up.

@strnglhld Год назад

@@marchosch3876 It’s not shocking to me that a homeless person with ADD faces barriers to getting healthcare.

@jonnyw82 3 месяца назад

Trust me, us husbands with adhd are more miserable than the wives we drive crazy

@ForAncientKingAndElvishLord 6 месяцев назад

ADHD sucks. It's a curse. For real.

@zad0k91 3 месяца назад

And read the comments. All the normies HATE us lol "he ruined my life" "they don't deserve to be in a relationship" "I'm so exhausted" the list goes on. I've never been more motivated to just wrap my car around a tree, I didnt know I was such an unlovable burden. Can't even get a cat or a dog cuz I'm allergic to them, so I really am facing solitary confinement for life and apparently I deserve it

@ForAncientKingAndElvishLord 3 месяца назад

@@zad0k91 join the military

@almaheiberg1029 3 месяца назад

My boyfriend only was diagnosed with ADHD at 54! Now he understands why he was labelled lazy and weird. He deals with it quite well. But he doesn't share his emotions, can't show affection and makes me feel ALONE even when he is next to me. How do I deal with this - not much advice available for us partners who are struggling with their "super power".