I Hate Life: The Video Game 

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i love when vale doesnt even have to make the torture part himself, this time we can just thank the 1960s for that

Playing the Game of Life is the closest thing that these guys will ever get to touching grass

i love how they just totally didn’t read the rules, you can’t land on the same space as one another, you have to move forward to the first open space

>Gets hit by tornado >Instantly made 10 years younger if only

Torture your friends by playing a stellaris multiplayer game with a map that is just a circle, one hyperlane wide that goes all the way around

"If you get more than 4 children, just crowd them in as you do in real life." is an alarming line in the rulebook.

It isn't real torture if you are the one laughing at the end and vale is in pain.

I love how with Vale, he will straight up make an entire new game to scare his friends, design a massive human board game to torture his friends, but when it comes to LIFE, nothing needs to be done, its already torture enough haha

The fact that somewhere there's a school out there using Gregor Samsa bucks as legal tender is hilarious to me. Next there will be an initiation to a fraternity where you have to win Crypt.

My most memorable line this video is telling Vale to use his shield potions lmao

I love the surprisingly complex improv lore built from this Life session. Dyno is the American mathematician who broke Vegas and then the Stock Market before writing an article about it for the press, because in this timeline he's also an investigative journalist. Currently, he's hot on the trail of an alleged communist CIA mole, "Lee Teddy Oswald" who has been making a lot of money from very questionable sources. Famous paintings, stock market shares, all highly untraceable sources of income, and his response to Dyno's exposé piece? *_"I am a businessman doing business"._* Truly one of the life moments of all time.

Pros of being friends with Valefisk: -Friend group to play board games with Cons of being friends with Valefisk: -Torture

The fact that teddy is both Sal-Adin and Teddy Roosevelt makes me laugh every time.

I am *delighted* that you guys have heards of Campaign for North Africa. I think you could make an entire video from just looking at the rulebook and riffing on it ('Italian Pasta Rule', 'Rommel', etc.)

I love that everybody in this group is highly familiar with world history just so they can be bigger goblins to each other xD

This is easily my favorite genre of video at this point

Vale I'm begging you, I promise on my life that I would legitimately unironically enjoy watching the entirety of the uncut version of both insane monopoly playthroughs. Please release the full version, I've been waiting. I need it. Please. I am 100% serious and certain in my decision.

The game of LIFE is a great allegory for real life. You get very little input and unless you get the opportunity to change your path you're probably pre-determined to be poor

"we gotta do this in 15 minutes" Narrator: It would not, in fact, take 15 minutes.

22:57 the pure mild rage from Vale yelling “ITS A SPINNER!!” Is delightful

I just realized that Vale made 2 mistakes in this video. His second mistake was when he gained $10k for the shrunken head instead of paying for the museum to accept it (then again he can't read so who can blame him, 26:40). The first mistake of course was playing the game in the first place

They should make a new life game where as you age over the course of decades, the references and amounts of money move with the game.

If I only learn one thing from this video; it's that Teddy is a Businessman doing Business. Totally not a CIA operative.

vale, one time i got drunk with random people in the restuarant at a furry con's hotel's lobby. afterwards i went to the apartment of a girl i just met, ate an edible, and played a board game called "therapy" where me and the rest of these strangers psychoanalyzed each other using only the info we had learned while drinking together. i highly suggest you find a version of therapy and force your friends to play it, too.

Not sure if its on the workshop but theres a game called midlife crisis that we played once in a PSHE class in school nearly a decade ago and its not torturous but the tiles you can land on are absolutely insane and you should definitely look into it

Vale might be calling it filler content. But for me this is still content that i can rewatch like 5 times before it starts losing its value!

The original game of Life being a game that literally plays itself is an ironic analogy thatbis not lost on me... Life plays out whether you want it to or not, but it keeps going forward and waits for no one. It's up to you if you wanna take a chance and participate in it.

with the title, I assumed Vale had gone and made a version of the game of Life, which is called I Hate Life, it would line up with the previous board game experience of vale.

Valefisk can somehow make the most mind numbing game into something somewhat entertaining

7:42 fun fact, the first card counting system wasn't published until 1962, and the Hi-Lo system didn't come out until 1963, meaning the imaginary character would've had to win some other way since the game was published in 1960. Regular slots didn't pay anywhere close to $50k and the first ever wide area progressive slot (one linked with similar slots across the country with jackpots over $1 million) didn't come out until 1986. Table games did not offer high enough payouts, since you would likely play more than 1 hand of blackjack or 1 spin of roulette on a Vegas trip. That means our imaginary character most likely was playing live keno for $2 and managed to match 9 of 9 numbers on his card paying exactly $50,000. Odds are about 1.4 million to 1

Vale doesn’t even need to change life to make it a torture game 😂

A monthly episode of Campaign for North Africa would be amazing.

I can't believe we got to finally see, not only the years-old prophecy of Vale playing Fortnite be fulfilled, but also the unexpected but undeniably satisfying conclusion to the GeoGuesser saga. What a time to be alive! And he calls this 'filler content' pshaw

this man really needs a vod channel. i wanna see the whole sitting

Some clarification, Vale. Uranium doesn't glow in the dark. It glows under a black light. What you're thinking of is Radium which does glow in the dark (even more so if mixed with Phosphor). That's why they're in old clocks/watch dials and paint

Hahaha omg the nostalgia. My dad had this 60s version of Life and we used to play it as kids decades after it was published. Its the superior version. Absolutely unforgiving.

When I was a kid, the goal of the game of life was to buy unwanted children off other parents and collect them. Ideally enough so that they had to have their own car. And now I'm an adult looking to adopt foster kids 😂 I promise, LEGALLY, and not a full dozen.

And he finally fulfilled the 100k subscribers prophecy....

It’s weird that the campaign for North Africa takes around 25% of the time to complete that the longest Minecraft modpack takes to beat on average. GTNH is a hell of a thing

That 1960 version is literally the one I have at home, box cover, green plastic hillocks and everything. It's my dad's from when he was a kid, it's crazy seeing it in this video.

30:00 I know the site he's talking about! You can find similar once for The Office, Seinfeld, It's Always Sunny et.c. Generally also with the cut-content from episodes added back which normal streaming sites don't have, it's great!

This is a mythic game. Legendary, all skulls on in all ways.

Gotta love when Maivi devolves into a schizophrenic episode, just slowly succumbing to the voices that say "Do it. You know where they live. You can kill them all before the game is over. Just do it, you know you want to" because I definitely believe Maivi would succumb to those pokes. I mean, she regularly wants to make Vale unalive, so it's not a far stretch of the mind.

Dear Valefisk, I liked the buttplug joke at 3:20 I thought it was funny even though it was just a passing remark before the game even started, The humour in that joke had a lot of layers that I choose not to penetrate into too deeply as it would be slightly uncomfortable to describe in great detail, but I liked how meta it was. Sincerely, Moses

My dog died today, but another valefisk board game video is a step in the right direction to help my sadness.

17:08 And some say you can distantly hear the distinct sounds of a corpse thrashing at 35,000 RPM inside the grave of Huey Long.

I played this with my wife once, i had no kids, and kept landing on the space where you have to donate to the orphanage if you have no kids, and that space is right before the toll bridge, which is right before a move backwards space

This is actually the version I played growing up. The recreation is very accurate, green rocks included.

24:42 Well according to the satisfactory video it can only have been Maivi.

You need to make your own version, with punishments and skill challenges

Damn, I really needed this vid rn, my life's coming down around me and this grants me at least a little bit of escape

Oh hey another part in my favourite reality show "Valefisk and friends voluntarily torture one another".

This is pretty much the version I've played so hearing y'all talk about things from what I assume is the version everyone else has played is wild.

Would love to see a Valefisk edition of Life, with all the BS tiles and punishments.

About the ending. You DID spend time with your loved ones, you DID experience the life to the fullest. Laughing with friends, doing stupid sh*t. That's what life is about and it brings tons of joy and happiness.

I remember loving the 1960 version of Life, I played it all the time with my Grandparents at their house when I was little. Bad game, good memories.

Been watching your 24 hours halo stream these last few days, and my head is getting to be pretty full of valefisk by now. Weird coincidence that you would upload right now though

I tested the claim that life requires little player input and turns out there were 10 total player inputs for the whole game.

I want vale to make everyone play 5d chess with multiverse and time travel

“A nugget of finest green!” I fucking love black adder so much, thank you vale

This is the first time I've heard Valefisk suffer from his own toture session

I actually HAVE the 1960 edition of Game of Life that was made from that time. Came in a cool wooden case too. I never even knew there was another version of the game until I around 16.

I can't believe M-Preg is canon to the Valefisk Cinematic Universe™

It's always a good day when there is a new valefisk video

Interacting with CIA operatives is so weird. Our old neighbor (we moved last year) was a former operative and he would occasionally reference experiencing the intense cold of desert nights and having to remain motionless for hours or even days. He was a nice guy, but he basically radiated an aura of "I could kill you long before anyone can call the cops" that made him intimidating despite his biggest hobby being maintaining his yard and garden. Only time I ever saw him mad was when he talked about wanting to shoot the rabbit that had been eating his vegetables.

I like how everyone puts themselves behind the wheel on different sides!

Valefisk in a month making the Game of Death:

This is the exact version of the board game my parents still have in the basement. I always liked stacking as many blue and pink pins in the little cars as possible more than I liked actually playing the game.

I live for these videos right now~ thanks again for great content!

my family has a version of the game of life from 1978! it made me cry when i was 6 cuz i kept on getting this pea fog space that sent you back to start.

I wonder if theres ever going to be a point where everyone in these videos is going to require reimbursement for the psychological torture he puts them through

If i ever get arrested I shall now say "I'm a business man doing business things"

I thought they were going to play the really old one, where you could die.

There's nothing I would love more than a Campaign for North Africa playthrough. The ultimate form of torture.

WHY WAS MY FIRST THOUGHT "wow! the graphics are pretty good for a video game released in the 60s!"

At some point we need the full, uncut recording of this masterpiece.

😅 this puts a tear to my eye. Although I don’t know if this is joyful tears or tears for the misery your friends are gonna go through

Hey, I actually have this version of the game! good memories playing, though that was mostly due to the people I was playing it with.

Came for the Game of Life, stayed for the final resolution of the Completely Rigged Geoguessr Tournament

0:07, "Not the elephants!"

The Game of Life, from 1960. Life, in 1960. Good lord. I see why it's agonizing

The journalist went TO VEGAS and NO-ONE MENTIONED FEAR AND LOATHING?!

40:05 Amenmemant the III before a flood

This sure was a great 100k subscriber special.

Your vids are so fun to come back to every time haha, hilarious

I like how this isn’t even a torture game. This is just an old version of the Game of Life. No twist. Just play a regular board game lol

Uranium fevers gone and got me now URANIUM FEVERS GONE AND GOT ME NOW

can't wait to watch the campaign for north africa! i'll be sure to set aside a couple weeks to watch the edited video

god i want to watch you play the campaign for north Africa

The big giveaway that it is the 60s version is that buying a house is $15.000...

10:20 what an exceptionally based Blackadder reference. Don't hear enough of those nowadays.

29:00 His wife when that child was conceived would disagree. *Wink*

Wonderful! Another wonderful addition to add to my collection! My collection of videos which allow me to live vicariously through the suffering of you and your friends! My thanks.

at 3:00 i have the 1960 version and can confirm that, that space does exist

*’I don’t know but I’ve been told, Uranium ore’s worth more than old’*

the backstories that come into beeing are the best part!

How did I not realize I've only played the 1960 version until watching this video...

been waiting for a new valefisk video!

babe wake up, monthly valefisk torture footage is out