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I'm Having Trouble Leaving a 20-Year Toxic Relationship!

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I'm Having Trouble Leaving a 20-Year Toxic Relationship!
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Опубликовано:

11 апр 2021

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Комментарии : 298

@Ewoonation 3 года назад

She’s completely co-dependent. She doesn’t know how to be on her own. It sucks. I hope she finds the strength to be able to move on

@holiday-td6hx 3 года назад

She needs to get on YT and watch videos about ppl living in their cars (by choice) working online and seeing the U.S. I'd live in my car and do what I just said before I'd go back to this type of life.

@georgewagner7787 Год назад

Her child is 22. It means they married when she was 16.

@d.m.3753 3 года назад

So she had her son at 17 years old... she never had a grown life without her husband. She cant imagine her life without him.

@chernagast6754 3 года назад

Happened to me too. Trying to escape.

@pe8841 3 года назад

@@chernagast6754 hope for the best, you can do it!

@d.m.3753 3 года назад

@@chernagast6754 you are probably anxious. Try to take it one step and day at a time. You will be so proud of yourself on the other side.

@ryankiel4895 2 года назад

She must be a Mormon...

@MayRuiz 3 года назад

Sadly, no one will be able to help this woman, until she wakes up and helps herself. She knows it's a dumb situation, she's just still happy being there still.

@786otto 3 года назад

Have to agree.

@thomasdonlin5456 3 года назад

This sounds like codependency, pure and simple. It’s hard to break free of.

@MayRuiz 3 года назад

@@thomasdonlin5456 Yes. Speaking from experience. It's very hard . It won't stop until she's sick and tired. Unfortunately, a lot of people (including myself), go through this. Luckily, some of us wake up.

@thomasdonlin5456 3 года назад

@@MayRuiz Trust me, it happens to guys too.

@MayRuiz 3 года назад

@@thomasdonlin5456 Yes, that's why I said people....

@Je.rone_ 3 года назад

Sometimes the best way forward is not going back

@786otto 3 года назад

I would say alwais.

@hikerhobby1204 3 года назад

I’m sorry, I’m laughing because your comment makes so much sense! Happy day!

@turdferguson5847 3 года назад

The only way forward is to never go back. Never. Going backward is never an option in life.

@time4advancement244 3 года назад

That was whack and unoriginal

@blessedwifeandmama 3 года назад

Oof!

@thistle_boy 3 года назад

Hey Melissa, you can find a roommate or housemate to lower your cost of rent. You don't need to go to your ex-husband to find cheaper rent.

@kingrclrg 3 года назад

You telling a 30 year old women to get a roommate

@kingrclrg 3 года назад

@@DK-mc7mp there still married 🤣 yep go back. 39 year old women who can’t support herself on her own & wanna leave because he cheated. Sounds like she’s not doing her job as a wife.

@studentsofmoney2653 3 года назад

@@kingrclrg I really hope your trolling and not that dense.

@Will-oj3un 3 года назад

@@kingrclrg Are you the abusive husband? Or a different abusive husband?

@PHARANORMALACTIVITY 3 года назад

thought her name was Angela

@CaseyBurnsInvesting 3 года назад

Just because it’s old doesn’t mean it’s good.

@shaddowgolden1054 3 года назад

Thank you, I needed this today!!

@shola7987 3 года назад

Amen

@annagabri3ll3 3 года назад

20 years is hard to walk away from. It’s difficult but it has to be done and she needs to get therapy to help with the healing process

@wolfpack3889 3 года назад

She's being used. She's going have to move away. It's familiar. A toxic familiar. That's not a quality of life. Leave.

@katchatbto 4 месяца назад

What is sad is she is 39 and still has so much life ahead of her. If she walks out now and reinvents herself, she could enjoy the fruit of that for many years.

@CareerCraft56 3 года назад

I was in the same situation few years ago, I left never went back since. Toxic man he will not change let it go👍

@tomardrax9802 3 года назад

People don't change, just their circumstances.

@phillip1050 2 года назад

Darama man won't change if his woman is not listening or obeying. How are you

@hani99123 2 года назад

@@phillip1050 you’re the abusive husband we’re talking about here 😂

@stuckatusername 3 года назад

Build your own foundation first and financial independence before getting into a committed relationship to minimize any financial problems

@ChrisHeightsTV 3 года назад

She’s been doing this for 20+ years, I don’t think she’s going to leave at this point. 🤷‍♂️

@4our5ive61 3 года назад

They usually don't. They are addicted to the drama and don't know it.

@Libra8410 3 года назад

Facts

@emmarose6590 3 года назад

@@4our5ive61 it’s not drama. It truly is what they say. They have self esteem and worth issues

@johnallen3497 3 года назад

It’s the only life she has ever known. She isn’t going anywhere

@edb484 3 года назад

Facts 💯

@grayandgray 3 года назад

She's stuck at 19 still, the relationship never let her grow up. I wish they asked how old the ex is, I'd bet it's several years older. He got to avoid an equal partnership, and is still trying to maintain power.

@jcherestal 3 года назад

The relationship never let her grow up? Come on she needs to be accountable for 20 years of complaciency

@NeededGR13F 3 года назад

@@jcherestal welcome to pop psychology.

@MillionaireMindsetClub 3 года назад

Trust issues after 20+ years together...

@KTSpeedruns 3 года назад

If he’s not what you wanted him to be by the time you’re married, he’s never going to be it.

@aida087 2 года назад

Same can be said about women, trust I knows few.

@Kysen10 3 года назад

She is stuck, I can't see her leaving this dude. Sounds like she is financially dependant on him.

@hikerhobby1204 3 года назад

Some people just love to stay in codependent relationships. They thrive on the chaos.

@emmarose6590 3 года назад

@@hikerhobby1204 not all thrive on drama, it truly is a self worth issue. They don’t think they can find someone better. You accept the love you think you deserve

@hikerhobby1204 3 года назад

@@emmarose6590 : That’s true too. I walked out with a two year old. It all can be done if a person is willing and not codependent. I’ve been single now for over 20 years. Wouldn’t have it any other way.

@Je.rone_ 3 года назад

Wait did Dave just say cray cray😂

@bedi09 3 года назад

Teen moms of today ,please note just because he says he wants to have a life with you doesn't mean it is going to be rainbows and sunshine.

@christinebutler7630 3 года назад

Teen girls, take note, if you have a baby you and the father are in each other's lives, in one way or other, for the next eighteen to twenty years while you coparent this child. Close. Your. Legs. He will survive. No man is worth risking your future for.

@chernagast6754 3 года назад

Doesn't help if your parents force you into a marriage.

@wewhoareabouttodiesaluteyo9303 3 года назад

You guys got dissed by a Chad or Tyrone XD Chad and Tyrones will never be with females, cue beta males. In fact, chances are you guys gave it up free to one and they are looking for the next young hot thing. They are not going to want post wall females.

@jimroscovius 3 года назад

@@chernagast6754 Parents can't force adults into a marriage.

@juliettezea9507 3 года назад

@@jimroscovius they do in some Middle eastern countries

@knownonsense2015 3 года назад

Just leave! You’re already divorced...all you gotta do now is leave.

@endriandri7914 2 года назад

This lady doesn't realise how lucky she is that she no longer lives with this man. What she needs to do now is run. Find a room somewhere and leave without telling him. As Dave said she doesn't need to see him ever ever again. Good luck 👍

@simonehadeen5883 3 года назад

Dave kept saying she needs a good church. She also needs a good therapist. Know your self worth girl! Because your worth so much more.

@Sheryl777 3 года назад

Hate to say it, but even though I'm a christian myself, sometimes other church people can be really cruel and also cause problems for you, so I'm not at all sure that's the only answer here.

@hikerhobby1204 3 года назад

@@Sheryl777 You are so right! Perhaps developing a relationship with Jesus thru church?

@Sheryl777 3 года назад

@@hikerhobby1204 Yes I agree with you.

@msims1081 3 года назад

@@Sheryl777 I agree. I went through a terrible marriage and sought all kinds of Christian counsel. Sometimes they’re just so programmed to want to save the “marriage” that they don’t see how much damage the individual(s) are in it.

@Sheryl777 3 года назад

@@msims1081 Yes you are right. Sometimes the marriage just isn't going to be able to be saved due to that toxicity.

@Aristaifly 3 года назад

Not being able to pay rent is a clear sign to move to another place all together. Far from him.

@ginabelanger7335 Год назад

I needed to hear this! Hearing how pathetic she sounded.. sounding just like I do.. was like hearing myself… she’s lucky she has no kids with the guy… I’m done.. pray for my strength

@miltoncat Год назад

Hope you got outta there and are okay!

@krystalgardiner5591 11 месяцев назад

Same here OP! Good luck 👍🏻

@stephanier1000 3 года назад

I feel bad for this woman. I really wish her the strength to leave that man.

@peanutfinance3967 3 года назад

The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave.

@montanadeb 3 года назад

Yes the brother IS a problem!!

@786otto 3 года назад

She,s the problem.

@jaigulati7427 3 года назад

Both are problem.She lacks self respect and her brother is ignorant to his sister😂

@budgiebirdy 3 года назад

I was wondering why that wasn't emphasized more. The brother obviously doesn't respect her. But you can't expect others to respect you if you don't respect yourself. This woman has such low self-esteem that she allows everyone around her, including family, to treat her like dirt.

@truthhurts748 3 года назад

“That’s just cray cray! “ 😂😂😂

@KrystleLaughter 3 года назад

Wow! I just did a video about this. Sad so many people are going through this. If you are in a toxic relationship please know that you deserve better. They don't change. Please save yourself. There is hope! ❤️

@Originalman144 3 года назад

Deserve better? I don’t think so. Have we considered that “toxic” is exactly what they like and what they signed up for? She’s been with this fella for 20 years, part of her likes it toxic. It takes two.

@powergrower 3 года назад

I can't even wrap my head around something like this. The first time someone demonstrates a lack of integrity I leave that day. 20 Years of this?! That is insane.

@mikegallegos7 3 года назад

My entire family, brothers, sisters, wife became or always were toxic. As soon as I figured out their lack of decency and that my patient stupidity would not change unless I change, I had no trouble with exiting, more than 30 years ago. Have been happy for many years; do not miss them, get out Lady.

@RGTFLA85 3 года назад

I would have been out of the city or state to get away from a relationship like that. Kid is grown, she needs a friend or family member to crash at for a month to save up cash and move far, far away.

@deed1436 3 года назад

Poor girl, she’s a pickmeesha and doesn’t even realize it.

@OkayBilly 2 года назад

Codependency…no boundaries or limits.

@shaddowgolden1054 3 года назад

She’s still got too many excuses, it won’t change.

@zeal4god402 3 года назад

Time for her to develop emotionally and financially

@Originalman144 3 года назад

Toxic relationships that continue REQUIRE two people who AGREE with the style of the relationship. She feels responsible for his relapses because she was probably doing that stuff with him. I wouldn’t make excuses for her, we don’t know what she was doing.

@donaldrichey3318 3 года назад

She has a confidence issue. This is a form of abuse. Feel sorry for her.

@montanadeb 3 года назад

Ask God to break the soul tie for heavens sake!!!

@hikerhobby1204 3 года назад

You’re right, it a soul tie.

@ChrisMFlorida 3 года назад

Amen!

@dylanlyons6 3 года назад

It’s hard to listen to segments where you just know the caller isn’t going to be capable of committing to the advice

@BrandonMinguez 3 года назад

My god, one thing after another for over 20 years.. I couldn't imagine what she's going through. Hopefully she realizes what she's worth which is a lot more than what her ex is giving her.

@codys5727 3 года назад

We tell others how to treat us but what we tolerate. If you tolerate being used you're giving that person permission to keep treating you the same way.

@jamesshaw3850 3 года назад

You need to really re evaluate your life and plans----- this is not serving your best Interests friend---- what is your self worth----- what is IMPORTANT FOR YOU?

@kslucki 3 года назад

Talk about an epitome of enabler of toxic relationship.

@robertclontz3728 3 года назад

He's gaslighting her! Leave this narcissistic as# right now, and run as far and as fast as you can. His brother can help her gather resources for the move to another city.

@jengable4888 3 года назад

If she can live with a relative or a close trusted friend, and move away from him, perhaps she may have some clarity. I would agree with Dr. John and Dave, that she should relocate to another state ! However, if she does relocate, make sure she either lives with someone she KNOWS, or conduct research on the area, for she is in a vulnerable state. Get out and stay out ! She needs to set boundaries and understand that his SUD issues or mental health issues are not attributed to her. It may be difficult to start over, but it will be well worth it ! Also, she should really avoid dating for a while, so she can can establish a sense of well being and independence ! She needs to be "comfortable in her own skin", so to speak. There is nothing wrong with being single.

@WannaBeHocker 3 года назад

Loved watching how Dave and John unpacked this call

@COINsimp2024 3 года назад

Girl go out and get a job that pays your bills, this is pathetic. Relationships are hard, work is hard. Choose your hard.

@amandawithlov3908 3 года назад

She can also pay half the price of rent if she just becomes room mates with a stranger.

@loripoyzer755 3 года назад

Omg I so needed to here this thanks

@elainepatterson5587 3 года назад

She needs to RUN to a good counselor!

@cacallis86 3 года назад

She has a 22yr old son she has to find her own independence

@letaravas9643 2 года назад

This is so heartbreaking to listen to but hopefully it helped to wake her up!

@younome1845 3 года назад

Is this Chris’s wife calling 😂😂😭😭

@tj8816 3 года назад

Too soon 😭😭

@handleyobusiness 3 года назад

Harshhh 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@makry123 3 года назад

Fellow Idaho Falls mom, you got this girl. ❤️

@phillip1050 2 года назад

Hmmn. How are you

@eckankar7756 2 года назад

She's not hearing a word they say.

@investinstyle-financeinves1181 3 года назад

You left him for a reason. Don't forget that.

@786otto 3 года назад

Good for him, she been playing her games for too long.

@LetsTalkPersonalFinance 3 года назад

Omg, she should not get back together with him

@rosehip939 3 года назад

Albert Einstein said: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."

@phillip1050 2 года назад

Oh you definitely understand it better. How are you

@RudyGold 3 года назад

Lots of people in my life like this. Sad. She won’t leave the guy. She was probably molested as a child or had other major abuse 😞

@fleurelise997 3 года назад

I was wondering about this as well. She accepts being stepped on without question.

@RudyGold 3 года назад

@@fleurelise997 exactly. It’s sad

@swim10 3 года назад

They are all dependent on this guy. Her brother doesn't have any respect for his sister. This is gonna hurt but she can do this. If her bro is like this is is possible her own dad didn't validate her either. She needs to raise her thinking. Counseling. Never too late unless we are dead to make a change. Her husband is a deadbeat

@swim10 3 года назад

@1 possible

@nic_ccc3366 3 года назад

All I hear is a dependent person with almost no self-esteem who doesn't think she can do/deserves better. If she hasn't caught on after 20 years, she never will and will continue to ride the merry-go-round of toxicity. Best of luck to her.

@wewhoareabouttodiesaluteyo9303 3 года назад

Almost all females ride the merry go round of....;)

@krisduboise276 3 года назад

"what would you tell him?" Dave is the best

@margaretstutler2873 4 месяца назад

She sounds so sweet. I hope she finds someone that loves her and respects her. Know your worth girl.

@Recovering_Californian 3 года назад

Is this Dr. Laura or the Dave Ramsey show?

@stevenporter863 3 года назад

Exactly. All Dave can really add is the standard 'get plugged into a good church' then contradicts himself with 'move'; he is a financial guy.

@alladreamwedreamed 3 года назад

Rip off the bandaid! It's time to start over and learn to live on your own.

@keyofb3528 3 года назад

That really hurt to listen to. I hope she finds people in her life who can smack some sense into her. Poor thing, I've been through that and it was partly because of the people i hung out with, they encouraged it. Now i got friends who will drag me out of situations like that.

@kikiblessed00 3 года назад

The best advise I heard. Bless this lady!

@shea1219 3 года назад

I think this women has a drug problem, or use to. There is something here that does not make any sense. She needs to go back to school, get a higher paying job and move out. I understand that it is hard, but it must be done in order for you to be happy. You must move on from this relationship.

@mysticaltyger2009 3 года назад

Yeah, I also think there are other things going on. Could be a lot of things. It very well could be drugs.

@vaska1999 3 месяца назад

I doubt druggies listen to the Dave Ramsey show. 😅

@hankfuchs8405 3 года назад

Wow this was a deep call.

@MrCander000 3 года назад

She's not going anywhere.

@matthewdorso4302 3 года назад

She ain’t going anywhere

@catepage7264 3 года назад

Be a Superwoman and Please find the strength to move , move on there are so many other places you can live 🙏 Find Your 0wn Happiness 😊 No More Excuses !!! Lots of Hugs 😊❤

@montanadeb 3 года назад

Yes to moving!!

@Sheryl777 3 года назад

When people used to use regular phone lines rather than cellphones, you didn't have as many blurred conversations on phone lines as you do now. I know sometimes even those could be messed up, but it was far, far less though.

@d_chatz8353 2 года назад

ok boomer!!!

@Sheryl777 2 года назад

@@d_chatz8353 And proud of it! lolol

@d_chatz8353 2 года назад

@@Sheryl777 good. Remember when people talked to each other too instead of just staring at their phones? The good ole days

@Sheryl777 2 года назад

@@d_chatz8353 👍

@braceyourselvesfortruth2492 3 года назад

This one was painful.

@vaska1999 3 месяца назад

This was a shocker. To hear this divorced woman asking for an excuse to put herself at the mercy of a psychologically abusive ex is just awful. I hope to God she had enough trust in Dave and John to take their advice and enough courage or strength, go absolute no contact with both the ex and the toxic brother, and move to another city or town. She needs a lot, but a lot of therapy.

@tomdrummy4984 3 года назад

She can’t be helped. You cannot help or heal everyone.

@bonniest.pierre2045 3 года назад

That doesn't me you shouldn't try.

@brendaadams1605 2 года назад

Luv John's answer... what is it to figure out if you haven't already figured it out after 20yrs.. he nailed it.. 👍🏻

@lmgam 3 года назад

Dave’s head tilt 😂

@tequisaholloway1738 3 года назад

She keep saying, BUT....

@matthewgardner2144 3 года назад

She is really stuck on the 'financial infidelity issue. What would help is disengaging altogether and getting on with her life. If she can't afford her current rent, there are other options besides what she's currently looking at.

@prieto732000 18 дней назад

5:46 the way he said “wake up boy”. It sounds a little bit like when the world “boy” is used on a discriminatory way🤷🏽😂

@willelliott5052 2 года назад

Imagine watching your daughter ask for this perpetual train wreck for over twenty years.

@CarnivoreStork 3 года назад

Hon, You are 39. Do you have any idea how fast the next 20 years are going to go by in your life? They actually speed up mid-life. Your life is half OVER. Do not waste any more time, getting on & off your ex-husband’s merry-go-round. Jobs are opening up all over the country. You need to start working harder and squirrel away money, beans & rice baby... go for it!

@Writer-v8y 11 дней назад

That's what an abuser does try to break your self confidence so they can use you for their own personal agenda. Walk away from anyone like this they can't force you not to unless you let them. Walking away is your power not giving them any, it'a all about control.

@johannesswillery7855 6 часов назад

Abuser? For twenty years? Not buying it........

@nikkisigmon8090 3 года назад

This blame game happens a lot. "I acted out because you did 'xyz'!" No, you acted out because of selfishness and wanting to hurt the other person. From this little clip, wouldn't be surprised if the xhusband encourages or even outright says stuff like that. He's not a child, he's a grown man, don't disrespect him by saying he can't control his own self. She might even be in a church. Even "good" churches are NOT good at helping women in abusive relationships. Just a joke.

@meancarleen 3 года назад

some people just can't do without doo doo sandwiches 😏

@phillip1050 2 года назад

That's you. I understand you even better. How are you doing carleen

@bettysmith4527 3 года назад

yikes, she needs to figure a way to live on her own!

@esmeseyfried6394 3 года назад

She's afraid of living on her own

@wadesuhr 3 года назад

I wish the FCC would increase the legal bandwidth for phone calls. Better phone bandwidth would help these call in shows tremendously.

@re1100 3 года назад

06:50 John was about to quote Jordan Peterson’s from 12 rules for life.

@azimuthbusinesscenter 27 дней назад

he threatened to leave, he threatened to stay. Everything is a threat, unless he pays. If a man is rich, she will stay. If a man is broke, a woman will create a problem out of anything and everything

@brianpitsilides5337 3 года назад

She has an adult son, but she still acts like a child.

@madamnaija1117 3 года назад

Please be kind with your words. Sometimes when people go through toxic relationships, they exhibit behaviors that are out of character . Low self esteem is one, all she needs is encouragement to see what she is capable of.

@handleyobusiness 3 года назад

@@madamnaija1117 Get real. You really think these these goofballs would feel sorry for a dude in the same situation? This lady needs to shut it, leave, and go make some money for those kids. No remorse, none.

@Shane-fh4uu 3 года назад

@@madamnaija1117 would a guy get encouragement or get made fun of for not being a “real man”. Part of being an adult is taking responsibility for your own situation

@socku5850 3 года назад

She has him at 17.

@bonniest.pierre2045 3 года назад

@@handleyobusiness Yes. and go back and listen to the video. It's ONE grown kid.

@Andrew-3445 Год назад

She can't afford to pay the whole rent as the excuse to move back in with someone abusive. Get a nice female roommate!

@curious1053 2 дня назад

Don’t try to save her, she doesn’t want to be saved.

@minervagalvez4748 3 года назад

TOXIC 🤯🤯🤯😵😵😵😱😱😱😱!!!! TOXIC!!! SHE IS AN ENABLER!!! TOXIC!!! VERY SAD BROKEN WOMAN 😭😭😭😭!!!

@aida087 2 года назад

But even if she wasn't codependent or she still has hope that things will work out, she did say she can't afford to live on her own!! And if she can't find someone else like a roommate to help with the cost of the rent, what is she to do? I'm curious to know what people think because I'm asking for a coworker that's in the same situation?

@vaska1999 3 месяца назад

She can afford to rent a room.

@Songbird36able 3 месяца назад

Why get dovorced if you're going to work it out? This is a MESS!! She doesn't know how to let go and move on.

@davidmei7919 2 года назад

this girl needs to wake up from her nightmare..Me too.. has been in this mess but luckily I got out.... and its worth the escape..

@davinasquirrel7672 Месяц назад

She needs counseling from an abused women's centre. Sure, it may not be physical abuse, but the ex is a major gaslighter, and she needs the encouragement to stand on her own two feet, and get away from him. He has her on the hook, like a wriggly worm.