I Make More Money Than My Husband And He's Having A Hard Time With It 

Thought this was about him being insecure about her making more. After hearing the story, her impulse spending and bad money management is the problem. Him being away in the military doesn’t help. She needs adult supervision.

Since her salary just doubled......she should be focused on paying off her student debt........not focused on her income being twice his.

My wife makes more money than me and im not jealous. We're a team, and on the same page so it doesn't matter. When she does well, we do well, and vice-versa.

Thought this was about him being insecure. But no...

"That's not manning up" I wonder how many men have been guilt triped using these words.

He doesn't have a problem with her making more money. SHE has a problem with making more money than him.

It's easy to be "accountable" now that you have enough money to cover your habits. She needs to realize that, from his perspective, that's not accountability. That's fortunate circumstances compensating for a lack of situational awareness. Heather, you are living in different spheres of existence. Time is not progressing at the same rate for you and your husband. Before you talk about "getting him on board" now that you're in such a good position, you need to learn to communicate on his frequency. While he's down range, you've been pursuing your goals, making decisions for you, doing what feels right to you, and not really caring about the repercussions because he's not there a lot. But you've been doing that without enough consideration of the stress and burden he carries just trying to meet you half way in life. Now you've made this huge jump. And if your tone on the phone is any indication of your tone with your husband, there is a, perhaps unintentional, condescending nature that accompanies your newfound success. If you can't address recognize and resolve that within yourself, you're marriage is going to turn toxic. Even if you can't get into couples therapy right away, I recommend going therapy and conveying to your husband that while you would love to go to counseling together, you're at least going to seek counseling to address your own issues in order to be a better wife and partner to him.

I would love to hear the husband's side of the story. She was very quick to prop herself up and place blame on her husband, and Dave was very quick to judge.

We need more information. She hesitated when telling her side of the story but not his. I sure she is hiding a lot from Dave.

I think this is above Dave's paygrade.

Dave likes to judge the other guy without knowing his reasoning behind keeping stuff separate.

She's crowing about $100K income meanwhile she's got $90K in student debt. She's driving a yacht with a hole in the hull.

She needs to use her new income to paying off her own student loan.

Before they combine their money, she needs to demonstrate that she’s financially responsible by paying off her debt and saving for at least a year. Then he would probably trust her. This is a trust issue.

She is a major red flag, probably lying about her “husband” being SF

All the people commenting about the husbands insecurity didn’t listen to the video. They titled this wrong to probably pander to a female audience.

The military offers marriage counseling for veterans and active. This is more than a finance problem.

So basically she wants her husband to “get on board” and help pay her debt and wonder what’s wrong with him when he say no 🤣

Her husband is keeping everything separate because she has bad spending habits. She makes six figures but she probably spends five.

Maybe he doesn't trust your for a good reason? I would like to hear his side of the story before giving advice.

With what he has to deal with in the military and then her impulse buying played a part. She paints it as if it’s his problem but he’s just detached and reacting to her.

They're on the competitive car-buying system. "SHE'S getting a new car, I'M getting a new truck!" It's so common and so stupid for those already in debt.

If she has 90k in student loans. Half her shovel could be going to pay off her debt. Why she is not trying to get rid of her baggage before trying to fix him?

Most Special Ops soldiers once finished with selection and training are E7 with decent base pay, housing allowance and special pay, hazardous duty pay, HALO/parachute duty pay....so he has decent income. It is her who let her promotion gets over her head.

As a vet having worked with SF guys I can say that he is doing that cause he has absolutely no trust in her. Trust is everything for those guys. There is more to this story she didn’t tell us.

I'm starting not to beilieve in most of Dave's titles for these videos.

Imagine being the husband watching this lol

She 100% is the one having trouble with it. She's just projecting it on her husband. She's probably contemplating divorcing him because he's "no longer on her level".

Did she say $200 tooth paste? 🤔🤦🏽‍♂️

If they can’t get on the same page long term there marriage will drift apart I’ve been married for 25 years and my wife has not worked in 18 of them, it’s not my money it’s Our money

He doesn't want to combine checking accounts cause she had/has a spending problem. She obviously is trying to be better but he's not there yet with trusting her. They both have debt and they both need to come together and make a budget and pay it off.

Can we just take a moment and thank Heather and her husband for their contributions to the betterment of society. Huge kudos and thanks to each.

She stopped only recently. A year ago. I think she could start by showing that she’s responsible for the next year

Lets hear from him before judging

It sounds like literally no part of this rested on the "fact" that her husband was jealous of her and likely was more about her husband not trusting her judgement. Now that she finally made some decent money she is just using that as a bludgeon.

Hypergamy goes into full overdrive when situations like this come up unfortunately. Chances of divorce rise exponentially if she makes more and he has less. IIWII

I can relate. My fiancé comes from a wealthy family. She is bringing no debt, 30k in savings, and two real estate properties while I’m only bringing a job and 55k in debt. It is hard to get her on board to living on rice and beans when she doesn’t have the issues herself and doesn’t understand. We are not combining finances until we’re married but it’s still difficult now.

Having a hard time with it only because you keep reminding him...

I'll never understand the insecurity that comes with your wife making more money. I can't wait for my wife to make more money for our family. If anything were to happen to me I can take pride in knowing she can support our family.

It blows my mind that they have no clue about the others finances. So many people get married without crucial conversations and the marriage ends because of it.

That man has seen more than Dave can ever imagine and you're telling HIM to "Man up". You need to be more respectful especially only hearing one side of the story! 💡

Dave doesn't understand us in the military, we was taught about keeping finances separate along with prenuptial. Yes we pay the regular house bills/food/car payments together. But the savings..thats yours. So if you blow your money on stupid things before you get paid again, so be it..at least the bills are paid and you're up the creek without a paddle. Over and over again by our leadership they preached us this. Its not about religion or no trust, its a protective shield for yourself, for you won't be left out to dry if things go down hill.

I make more money than my boyfriend does and he felt embarrassed for awhile about that. I told him all that matters is having a job in general, being able to support yourself with it and doing your best at it.

The way I see it, this woman can lose her job tomorrow and be forced to find a job making LESS. Nothing is permanent. Great, she makes more money than her hubby, but sometimes life gives you lemons, so no need to get cocky about it. Military personnel has a fixed income until they are promoted. Btw, "just infantry" means he signed a blank check that only costs him his LIFE. Thank you for your service, sir.

If you both love each other, it really shouldn't matter if any one person make more money.

This is why you combine $ from the very beginning. Then you don’t have to have arguments or resentments.

It was odd to me that she wanted to combine finances so her husband could make her accountable. I’m going to guess he doesn’t want to babysit her with her money and be the enforcer. She needs to step up and take responsibility and so she can be an adult.

While it's nice to believe in the sanctity of marriage, this lady needs to pay off her own debt with her big new raise. Women are really sweet to you when they want you to pay off THEIR student debt.

The title of this video is misleading. Dave's religious beliefs are preventing him from stating the obvious: the husband would have to be nuts to allow her access to his money.

The past decisions are causing the stress, gotta get on the same page.

It's not your money. It's not his money. It should be "our" money. Trust issues can be hard to get past, but I hope these two can work it out. Put everything in writing that might make things easier.

Wow I’m the first one here! Be proud of your accomplishments. My husband makes more than me but I’m sure if the situation was reversed, he would be super happy.

Military doesn't pay by the occupation. It pays by rank. Dave showed his knowledge.

Didn't take but a little digging to figure out she is the problem. Honestly as a retired member of the military myself I think best way to approach this is in terms of a mission and mission planning. Dave has a point if each month is a small mission with the goal of winning the war all the cards are on the table. That means he can see every penny she spends which sound like where his trust issues are. If having physically separated bank accounts makes him feel better that's fine but when you sit down every month to do the budget the banks statements are laid out on the table.

Dave: what's your husband do for a living? Caller: he's military Dave: um, OK, what does he do? Caller: he's in the army - I guess he does army stuff? Trying not to judge here but she doesn't care enough to know what her husband does which kind of makes sense how she was convinced to not know what her husband is doing financially. She probably doesn't care to know about her husband's other wife and kids too.

You can tell she's let go of taking care of herself. When one focuses on someone else, they lose touch with their own quality of life.

Dave you're telling a SF guy to man up?

As soon as she started stumbling with her husband is AD in the Army I thought yeah, steel magnolia.

While I was on a combat Deployment my income was more than my Nurse Practitioner wife,I was so proud of that. When I returned and got out the Marines,I had a 40k annual paying job and was going to college full time. My ego was bruised but she reassured me how proud she was of my service and that I’m continuing my education/working. Every man needs that type of support

I wouldnt want to combine my income with her.

People act like it's the men that have a problem with women earning more, but I've never once heard a man complain about it. In my experience, the woman usually gets a big ego that causes relational problems which she then blames on mens' insecurity. "It's not that I have a problem! Men are just too intimidated by how great I am!" Trust me, men want to date intelligent and successful women. THAT is not the reason they are avoiding you 😂.

I would like to hear both sides of this story and then figure out the truth

Never ever the women’s fault, always the mans fault with Dave. “Not manning up, throwing wife in ditch.” Very absurd and far reaching comments Dave.

This is easy, if you husband wants everything to remain separate, that’s ok, you just made more money, use your money to clear your debt. And save some for that day when your husband might need your help.. don’t rub it on his face about making more money than him. On his next birthday, surprise him by paying off one of his debts. Love is a thing of the heart, show him more love than he expects.

So if he was just "infantry" , dave was ready to call him a goob.. Surprisingly, for dave, he turned out to be better.. lol

As someone else said, she’s not making better money decisions now vs a year ago. She just has more money now to cover her bad decisions. Her question is really about how to avoid paying her own debts. Before her raise, she had an excuse for not paying her debts. And she could ignore them and keep her big spending habits. Now that she makes good money she doesn’t have an excuse, so she wants to combine finances so she can use her husband’s money to pay the debts. And she could keep spending big.

I think its natural for men to feel insecure about making less because men just want to feel they're providing for the family. The society shouldn't be so rough on men for that.

My sister had the same problem. Their marriage suffered. When she changed careers to lower pay, her marriage suddenly improved. He could not handle that she was primary bread winner.

Wife:“We need to talk... I feel like you have a problem with my income being more than yours” Husband: google divorce attorney in my area

probably becauss she gives him a hard time.

Hypergamy for ya. I'd love to hear his side. I'm sure she is sweet as pie and not a dictator what so ever.

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="234">3:54</a> - Did she say "200-dollar toothpaste" ? Gasp...

I thought this happens only in my country

The way that she talks is the biggest red flag

i wish my wife made more money than me... all that means is more money going into our joint account

I would love to hear the husband side, but so far, I think she triggered his behavior.

So, he doesn't want to pay her debt because it would be enabling her shopping habits. She's gotta take responsibility for her debt or else her spending habits won't change.

She doesn't sound supportive of his choice in profession or the lifestyle that comes with being a military wife.

There's an old Candid Camera clip that dealt with this. The husband was going to divorce wife cuz she made too much money. The lawyer who got pranked with dealing with the papers cried, "If my wife made more than me, I would stay with her forevvverrrr."

I love when one calls for financial problems but it turns out to be marriage/relationship problems.

I see another problem. Dave:What does your husband do? Caller: Hes in the military. Dave: But what does he do? Caller: He’s active duty in the Army. Me: BUT WHAT DOES HE DO? IS HE A MECHANIC, POLICE, COOK, WHAT DOES HE DO? She can’t answer that, she clearly doesn’t care. To me, it almost sounds like she wants to brag about her income, blame the husband for not being happy, and just...ugh. Lack of communication apparently on both sides.

He’s rightly scared of hypergamy

Man... I could hear the pain in that chuckle. They're having a hard time. It's hitting her hard.

So she has a new job where she is making more? But, still has a ton of debt from the past (from the sounds of it due to bad decisions, and maybe the present she kind of dodged the how recently she was doing this question). And, she is upset that her husband does not want to "get on board" (when it sounds like he is already squared away with his debt, other than a vehicle....)? This makes zero sense.... If I had to speculate, she very recently got this job and now suddenly thinks that all of their income should he adjusted to her debts, and she rationalized this mindset by saying she makes more money..... Her husband has zero obligation to help with her debt, especially if she has been making bad decisions until recently, I don't care if she makes 100X what he does..... Honestly this call was kind of disappointing, they did not get into the details of her debt at all and basically just blasted her husband, when it sounds like all of the debt is her fault....

Me and my wife have separate accounts but both know exactly what each other has. It just works for us.

Red flags 🚩 on her end. *She* has a problem that her husband doesn’t want to help pay her own debt despite the fact that she makes more money and ran up the debt herself. Always read between the lines when someone calls and immediately puts the blame on the other person who doesn’t have a chance to make their case on the show as well. Also, once again Dave is soft on women who make bad financial decisions, and harsh on men who do same, or he tells those women’s husbands to “man up!”. Smh.

She controls everything that's what make him powerless as a man.

He should keep the finances separate until her debt is paid off

If the roles were reversed it would somehow still be blamed on the husband. He’d be called a twerp, a loser, a baby, a user, a wimp and numerous other names. Of course, an “are you safe?” would be coming followed by two biblical texts to show how much the man has messed up. DR gets things right most times and I enjoy his advice but this is one of those calls where I want to change the channel.

I love listening to these kind of stuff bc I've learned a lot from it. However, a lot of times callers called in and only tell Dave one side of their story. I'm in a similar situation and I handled my money well, I've been listening to Dave for quite sometimes. Here my wife does the same thing like her, they made some stupid financial decisions and never listen. On top of that, there's a 90k student loans. Now you finally start listening to Dave and you asking Dave how can I get my husband on the same boat? Helping you paying off your stupid debts and you go out make some more stupid decisions bc you just double ur salary? It takes time lady.

I never had resentment. Our rewards for service aren't entirely pay but they're real too, like money but morally more valuable. Ten or a dozen of the guys I flew with didn't survive but Ruth didn't seem affected by the risk. Maybe she hoped I'd plant one, but I always brought the airplane home, even from the carrier. Michael, USMC retired, Naval Aviator

She should call Kevin samuels 🤣

She was clueless on what he does in the military.

I've got some different advice - husband should walk away from this marriage. And if he is genuinely special forces I would be surprised if he is making $50k a year - probably a lot more.

This is social media, and the world is watching. If you have personal financial problems go straight to the point don't drag your spouse into it to feel good about yourself. I hate when spouses come online to spread their dirty laundry for the world to see. Let's not forget, it's always one sided situation because we didn't get to hear from the other half. That's my opinion. Spousal issue should be private. So together seek private counselling not coming to social media to make yourself feel good. Imagine the man getting a wind of this made by his wife, he's military, and uniform men don't joke with their pride. No one is perfect, at least protect his pride. What she said today is a recipe for catastrophe.

Is Dave sick? He didn't completely throw the husband under the bus and didn't make too many assumption about him either.

Mr Dave needs to stop telling this guy to man up. He doesn't know the full story. He just immediately made an uninformed judgement call. Fully disappointed in his advice, but kudos on the gift.

"hes special forces" 😂 😂 😂

100k at 35! I'm swinging at the air like cuba gooding jr!

Everyone take note, you don’t have to be very bright to command a descent income.