I Wasn't Initially Attracted to my Husband | Episode 227, Heart of Dating Podcast

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Today Kait Tomlin opens up about not being initially attracted to JJ, as they explore the complexities of physical attraction, societal standards, and the importance of godly character in dating!
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TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 Christian dating: diverse opinions and common confusion.
04:19 Patreon matchmaking event coming back soon.
09:06 No initial chemistry needed for successful dating.
12:30 Character over physical attraction in Godly relationships.
15:21 Insecurities can shatter self-image in relationships.
18:39 The Importance of discussing personal questions beforehand is emphasized.
29:29 Resisting temptation, seeking accountability in group dynamic.
33:01 Weight gain led to strained physical attraction.
36:43 Attraction fades with emotional/spiritual maturity.
38:07 Honesty in relationships and deep connection emphasized.
41:46 At least 45 days dating, physical attraction vital.
45:46 Differences, stereotypes, and physical attraction.
47:38 Men need to reevaluate physical attraction standards.
50:02 Beauty without media's influence, real-life experiences.
55:55 Prioritize physical attraction before marriage commitment.
. . . . .
Check out this week's sponsors:
Better Help: This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/HOD and get on your way to being your best self.
. . . . .
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Kait wrote a book! Snag Thank You For Rejecting Me on Amazon:
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Come hang with us on the gram:
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. . . . .
A quick thank you to one of our friends!
Compassion International: Do you have a burning desire to be a parent but feel stuck in singleness? Do you want to make lasting, powerful impact in your life as a single?
We are a proud partner of Compassion International. Our community of singles has sponsored hundreds of kids all around the world, and we’d love to invite you to join us on this compelling mission.
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We love hearing from you! Drop a comment to tell us what spoke to you in this episode. If you have any topics or questions you'd like us to dive into in future episodes, drop them in the comments as well, and we'll work hard to tackle them!

Опубликовано:

2 авг 2024

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Комментарии : 19

@TheSingleManPodcast Месяц назад

Y’all’s shirts are 🔥 this episode!

@jjtomlin Месяц назад

ty big dog!!

@yontine Месяц назад

If it was me, I will never say that to him! Some stuff should be left unsaid. IJS

@morganhimmelstein8884 Месяц назад

Hey Kait and JJ! I've been listening a lot recently since I stumbled upon your podcast a couple weeks ago - thank you so much for all your work in this area! I wanted to pitch in a thought regarding the topic in this video: I'm wondering if the term aesthetic attraction/being aesthetically attracted to someone would be a helpful distinction to make. You've talked about different types of attraction and I would consider aesthetic attraction as another category which can include someone's style/manner of dress, hairstyle, etc. It seems like someone's sense of fashion/how they outwardly express themselves was a significant factor to you at the time you met JJ. I totally get this/relate to this, and unfortunately people make this out to mean that you don't find them physically/sexually attractive at all. I'm just a linguistics nerd and thought that having a more specific term could provide more clarity! Thanks again for all you guys do and for always showing up so authentically!

@ShawnMarie_ Месяц назад

Yes!! I agree with this.

@loganfinucane6990 Месяц назад

I truly admire how honest you both are to each other and the world!😍

@anal.mendoza Месяц назад

Hi Kait and JJ, may the Lord bless you both from Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic! Thanks for sharing this episode!

@bishnya21 16 дней назад

It’s crazy how if the roles were reversed the internet would go off at him! I think some things should be left unsaid period. No one wants to go into marriage thinking they didn’t find their spouse attractive. As a woman we already have our own insecurities and for your husband to point out that they weren’t attracted to you initially would hurt you 100%, no matter how secure you are. This should be the same for roles reversed, definitely a double standard.

@btrwxhobbyist7296 Месяц назад

What made Kate change her mind and want to give JJ a chance?

@jjtomlin Месяц назад

she finally noticed i wasn't ugly!

@jjtomlin Месяц назад

but that's a great question! i think she realized on her end how it didn't matter as much she originally thought. fun fact she had a friend sit her down after the third date in person and tell her get over it, he has everything else you have been wanting. just keep giving it time and that really helped her mentally work through it. blessings!

@ShawnMarie_ Месяц назад

Is the patreon matchmaking, location specific? 😬 I don’t live where you are.

@loganfinucane6990 Месяц назад

It's virtual

@ShawnMarie_ Месяц назад

@@loganfinucane6990 I mean to be matched with someone that would be local to you.

@loganfinucane6990 Месяц назад

Idk how the picking process works, but remember God can move you wherever. It's mostly about staying open and curious about the person.

@ShawnMarie_ Месяц назад

@@loganfinucane6990 good point! 💕

@556Jonathan Месяц назад

Need to be Chad level physical looks to even stand a chance. It's gotten so bad that even Chads don't pass the initial "attractive" test anymore and have to overcome extreme standards. The reason why people were talking about it is JJ is an absolute Chad, literally, strong/muscular physique, tall, handsome, blue eyes and I'm a dude saying this. Thats why people were talking about your crazy standards being so high. It's not like JJ is 5 ft 6 inches, chubby, ugly, and in a low wage job and you somehow overcame your superficial standards and fell in love with him. Thats the "nerve" you hit, the nerve that even a Chad level guy didn't meet your standards so what possible chance do other men stand? But the message itself isn't bad, a message to look past your own superficial idealization of your future spouse is not a bad message. Yet is anyone willing to hear it? I'm not. I won't date a reformed 304, thats my personal standard. Stay strong my fellow men, let them buy dogs and die alone, maybe the next computer-generated generation will succeed. Don't let them "settle" for you, they'll never let you live it down.