If Coffee Commercials Were Honest - Honest Ads (Starbucks, Coffee Bean, Folgers Parody) 

Yeah, ur name doesent make sense, who woudent want a middle aged man with the knowledge of a 4th dimensional being showing up Wait

Is Roger still alive?

I’m lonely. Send him my way.

Ha ha ha ha ha 😆😆

Well then I'll have to drink it 3 times a day in hopes.

Is this the five o'clock free crack giveaway?

🤣🤣 hell naw bhlood

Too*

Hol up wait a minute

it's only a true drug if you add sugar

True dat.

That's what I love about this series. It just cracks me up.

💯

I know. This is gold

🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂

Don’t kid yourself. Decaf still has about half the caffeine of regular coffee.

Sanka

I don’t think it classified as addictive? Anything can be addictive, food, exercise, sex, etc. but for a drug to be addictive, there has to be some withdrawals or something. I enjoy a cup in the morning, but if I miss it, it’s no big deal. On the weekends, I don’t wake early enough, and never miss that cup. People aren’t stealing from their grandma’s to buy coffee. Is sugar a drug? Is turkey a drug? Almost anything and everything you put in your mouth affects the way you feel one way or another. Is exercise a drug? Is sex a drug? Ok, I’ll agree that sex is a drug.

You aren't everyone.

@@alphagt62 what drives the addiction is the caffeine combined with the sugar. I don't put and cream, sugar or flavor additives in coffee. I can drop off coffee whenever I desire. I have gone days, weeks and months without a cup and no anxiety nor anger.

Fr

Me too friend. All I need is my caffeine, nicotine, and alcohol to get me through the day. Addicts really got it bad.

Martin Altmann Did u forget sugar?

god isn't real

Dude...The amount you're consuming itself is huge...Even you can't survive a day without these cups of coffee.. Because you've made your body adapted to it...And you're addicted too bro...I was consuming like 2 cups of coffee and reduced it to one

Perfectly describes how disgusting it tastes lol

That's the good stuff!

Priceless? No, it's actually 30$ each cup, 40$ if you look like you have a lot of money.

Hahahahaha

I love coffee and that made me lol.

i do Coke.......acola

And how many would that be, because I can't tell anymore

@@blackwing1362 I'm trying to remember, I want to say it was over 10k or something.

@@blackwing1362 There's a browser extension called 'Return RU-vid Dislike' that I would recommend. It shows dislikes, but I believe it only shows dislikes by people who also have the extension or something. Right now it's showing 11k dislikes, though the actual number is probably higher

Getting rid of the dislike feature but leaving a functionless button. What an improvement. But the video creator can still see the number of dislikes so who's feelings are they even protecting?

Yup, sipping my legally and socially approved bitter drug here with a smile on my face :-)

lol true

Just commenting so you get a notification that your comment did well lol

@@markusvdt2540 you're a good guy

@@ebsss100 hahaha xD

Not quite sure if that beats the energy drink description of sweet tarts that have been peed on.

Electric_Bagpipes OMG saw it a few videos after this one. Almost broke my chair.

Hypocrite I guess.

Well you picked her

Did she leave you when she got tired of you talking shit on her instead of talking to her?

That’s what you call a “keeper”

Well, drugs are illegal and the other stuff isn't. Some people don't want drugs around. It puts their job, their kids, their entire life at risk and drugs generally bring low class people around with them. If you can't see the difference, maybe you should put down the weed and grow up.

Bushmills ftw.

Shitfaced and jittery. Sounds like fun!

I like to add some THC to mine in the evening. Get 2 birds stoned at once.

You’re clearly American (i can tell, but not the way you might think)

2 types of shit huh? Yeast shit that intoxicates you in the alcohol & also coffee bean being the most processed plant on the planet where most companies fertilize with human sewage now. Yum jacked up on shit. 💩

I decreased my dosage like that too, and once I was (essentially) off caffeine, I was surprised to find that zero percent of my reason for drinking it was the taste/smell/warmth/routine, and the ONLY reason I drank it was the caffeine. I had no particular desire or aversion to decaf, so I couldn't be bothered to make it. I decided to go back to coffee, but now I make decaf and add in a quarter teaspoon of instant coffee. My issue wasn't the coffee itself, but the fact that I'd keep increasing my dose to get the same result.

alcohol isn't that bad. Fermentation is a healthy process that has been used for generations to ensure sanitary food and beverage. Most people that have a problem with alcohol have other problems or got into a problem because of faulty cultural perceptions... I myself shouldn't drink alcohol (and fortunately despise the flavor ) but that is because I am genetically predisposed to fixation and mental addictions to things. That, however, is a problem with my genetics, not with alcohol.

Alcohol is a poison - how is it not "that bad"? Ethanol is the only type of alcohol we can drink in moderate quantities and not get seriously sick from - but your brain still gets damaged over time.

redavatar If you drink too much water it is also toxic, as are most fat soluble vitamins. that doesn't mean that when used appropriately they aren't helpful to the body.

Sure, "dosis facit venenum" for quasi every substance. Even though we adapted quite well to alcohol through evolution, beyond a certain consumption it is still a drug, with worse consequences than addiction to caffeine. The fascinating thing is, some drugs are totally accepted by the society (alcohol, caffeine, tobacco), while others are solely available by prescription.

Also wheat

Mmmmm-hmmmm...... Good to the last drop. "Jim never vomits at home." 😊😊😊

Roger slays.

Damn good cup of coffee

I was about to quote that too LOL. It's so true, I awaken the best when I drink coffee with my VR H03S ;-;

I want that on a shirt

I remember reading early Muslims introduced to it argued on its permissibility (remember, this is the religion forbidding alcohol and by extension recreational use of drugs or anything that might cause one’s mental faculties to be impaired…) Coffee made people more alert, but not lose awareness, so it wound up a time-honoured staple and bedouins see Arabic coffee as a must for hospitality (I constantly have to reject offers of coffee or even most black teas because I only consume either herbal or floral teas like mint or rosebuds… or black teas with sugar and milk. ^^;;: I have to explain often I just don’t like bitter things or stimulants. People also get confused by my not drinking carbonated drinks usually!)

Always thought spending $6 per cup is stupid. Buy a coffee machine. Or turkish coffee pot. Or coffee percolator. Or you can fill grounded coffee with hot water directly in your cup.

Coffe shops are so dumb, it's not even about the coffe. Its about the "status" the cup provides.

​@@NickShlan aeropress would do the job and it is cheap 😊

I prefer doing it myself. I have cevze, hand grinder, and small gas burner. Whole set is less than 400$ and will last forever for you. You just have to buy fresh roasted beans.

Yeah probably

Lol! 🤣

Jennifer 873 yes! Because Coffee came from Starbucks.

@@verscetti well it didnt but starbucks is the bigest representive of coffee so it doesnt matter where coffee came from. With your logic the dislikes should be from the ancient people who discovered coffee. But thats just stupid isnt it

@@lejonluz No that's your logic not mine. Coffee is a healthy drink with cancer fighting properties enjoyed by the majority of people around the world, it can be very beneficial, so it's stupid to tear it down to an addiction. Starbucks coffee on the other hand is unhealthy shit, you are served a small shot of actual coffee with a ton of sugar and dairy product for feel good yuppies. It may represent coffee for collage kids and the younger generation in America but it doesn't to the rest of Americans and the whole world.

thats two Cs

Cmarc

Wouldnt it be cark?

+us

Wait till he realizes that Mark isn’t short for Marcus...

Your dad should have tried to drink better coffee. It doesn't taste like polluted water, it tastes like coffee.

This video explains exactly why I don't drink coffee. Don't miss it at all.

He Nailed It!!!

that's because you americans can't make a decent coffee even if your life depended on it

Based

Very underrated comment.. XD XD XD XD XD "You're Winner"

Is eeffoc another word for urine? Think: rented beer

Brilliant

This comment deserves waaay more likes! I am laughing out loud. So clever!

❤ #True I also cannot Evil without my Ethiopian Eeffoc #evil_backwards is LIVE

Diazound right as I was reading your comment. He said it lol

Ethiopian coffee is legit good though. Was in Ethiopia a few months ago and bought back a few bags of coffee beans.

@onelove lmao for real?

Isn't he too white to be an ethiopian?

I am from Guatemala and I could say children is the main workforce to collect coffee :(, they get paid around 6 dollars per 100 Kg of coffee beans

Must have been Vegas or an airport.

+HowToCompute101 Texas? 😮 Where's a willowbrook mall like 30mins from me.

+A$AP Hades There's*

+HowToCompute101 "only"? In Italy a cup of good original cappuccino with cream, not drowned in sugar and chemicals, is considered overpriced for 2.50

More like 5-6 bux on average depending on where I go. Sux when they charge the same price in USD, Euro, Pounds and don't get be started on friggn Francs. A medium at Starbux in Switzerland was actually 7-8 Francs. I cried when I realized that a Franc actually trades for a Euro.... such BS xD That whole country is overpriced.

They can take my double espresso out of my cold dead hand!

Of course, most addicts wouldn't care.

& TRUE

He is not right. Not totally... But he is right about the overpriced "cafeterias"

@@LuizSMatos-dr9tz go drink your coffee pal you are getting cranky 😂

@@LuizSMatos-dr9tz he is right. Give me something he said wrong

@@lejonluz the coffee plantation are not how he said. Not today! They are very modern and highly productive with very little labor force and lots of machinery

@@LuizSMatos-dr9tz dude, did you see how old this video is

lol

Same...

Good to know you don't have a problem

If you ever do show signs of having addictions, then we gonna have to take a leg

You certainly can quit anytime you want.

That's why I make it at home. I get 2 pounds of fair trade organic swiss water decaf beans for $30 and drink two cups a day for months.

​@@aluisious- caffeine pills are 10 cents a pop.

Water is free

​@@dragonsdynamite6403and where exactly is this free water at?

Really? Where are you buying $1,500 cups of coffee?

Frozen Blade 🤣🤣🤣

I totally agree. I stopped drinking coffee for about a week and a half and by the second day people were saying that I looked like I lost my dog or that I was about to start crying.

@@Squirrel-zq6oe If you had just kept going a few more days you would have turned the corner. I quit in Jan 2019 and haven't looked back or ever felt better.

Cracked me up :D Been without coffee most of my life, drank it maybe one year at work at some point, then pretty much quit it, only on special occasions or if I must perform 110% and I never have to. Better coffee than meth lol. But yeah ain't any worse off, on the contrary.

@Jaap Jacobsen Maybe, but you can shift the target of your addiction. In my family lines we have a lot of alcoholism, but I never had a problem with that. But I've been a heavy computer addict for 25 years. Used to be horrible, much better now. It's not even for pleasure anymore, just to fill the social void artificially. Oh yeah, chakras, talking about figuring something else to do than your addiction.

Lol

hahahahaha

👏👏👏👏👏🤣😭

That part got me 😭😭

Me too.

Don't think the employees are in on it. If they are told to misspell names, we should have heard

​@@anonymm3152at best, they let it keep happening because it's worked.

If only they'd get people talking by finally paying a fair tax!

🎯

The employees do not get paid enough to do anything extra that's going to get the company more free advertising, lol. There's just no profit in it for us hourly wage workers.

Roofing tar never tasted so good.

Yellow Penguin, you good bro?

I needed something to watch... With my coffee. ☕☕☕☕

Lol y’all like it black too? 😎 Same but now I put that turmeric laird superfood in it.

@@elliot1784 I have been drinking black gourmet coffee for over 40 years now. It certainly does not taste like asphalt to me. I enjoy the natural taste of coffee. Let’s face it, alcohol tastes like medicine to a young person who has never acquired a taste for it either.

And I hope you keep making money

@King Panther Because he owns the coffee farm. But, what about his workers?

...and I hope you fairly share the earnings with your workers.

@@ksway8471 coffee market is always there ....

@King Panther when we sell we get cash thats how we afford stuff...

No it wasn’t comedy gold

“Steve”

@@tomaso0 OK, no cream. So it was coffee comedy noir.

THATS MY STEVE HAHAHAHHAHAHA

Lol yeah I chuckled

YES! What the hell is up with that? My husband says it's all in my head. Yeah, no!

@@RobnBeck10 Caffeine increases intestinal motility.

Exactly. It doesn't happen every single time, but often enough to be annoying. The struggle is real. ☕🚽

@@RobnBeck10 it's a stimulant. Smoking cigarettes can trigger it also as does cocaine.. I know it sounds weird but often times if my friends and I did coke someone had to take a dump like 10 mins later..

@@Mixwell1983 exactly!

I too am a smug tea drinker.

You cant stand the culture around drinking one plant but readily indulge in drinking a different plant? Enjoy being a hypocrite much?

Peyote is the only tea you'll ever catch me drinking! 😄

I really got into coffee for a while, until I started having anxiety problems (not to mention getting upset over even the smallest of things) and trouble sleeping. Yeah, just green tea for me from now on, and even then not too much.

I consistently get headaches right at the 24 hour mark without caffeine.

@@DAV1979 yeah same I cut back recently and that seems to be helping but sometimes it’s random

Yeah, isn't it great when you wake up with a migraine? It gets better after a couple days, but UGH.

Tea doesn't have that complication. That's why us brits drink tea in battles (legit) and still get things done. Tanks even have tea. All the perks without the negative results.

@@Veldazandteacertain teas are caffeinated, so yeah watch out.

Agreed

i love them both

they're both awesome

I like them both but this makes me angrier, I'm not sure why

it's probably because of two things: 1-he's so calm about this to the point that you're too shocked to turn away, or 2-unlike Adam, who's just stating facts, Roger wants you to still buy

I laughed probably much harder than I should have at this comment! Thank you. 🤣 🤣

Me too xDD

I am drinking wine right now, coffee later, please

@@justaman2024 Me too, (Oops, I have to get a refill).

I definitely drank coffee while watching this.

His name’s Roger Horton bitch ...Respect him 🙏🙏

The writers never get the credits, its sad

The writer of the script is a genius as well.

Patrick O'Neill it’s about delivery too.

Glenda Suggs Absolutely😂

Couldn't help laughing at that!

I lost it at that moment

I didn't understand that joke

Lol Randor

Especially when that anger is from you not having your coffee fix yet, amiright? 😉😄

@@kinginblack1120 hell yeah

Tell me where the union made computers are being made. I'll buy one.

Robin Horgan good point, now when you see a smile on people’s faces drinking coffee is that we don’t have to work in a sweat shop ever. (Lifts cup) I’ll drink to that.

And I like drinking the same coffes you do knowing I paid a dollar for mine snd you paid 6 or more for yours.

Make sure to only use your apple computer to watch youtube videos as well. That really makes the most of its capabilities.

In the name of justin beiber never say never 😁

There you go, Randor!

Gotta keep it at 69

Can confirm this, the times they guess the right spelling of my name are maybe 1/10? Not that I care, as long as they get my order right I'll be Chrystina (not my name) if you make my coffee the way I ordered it.

I didn't get that one, could anyone explain it to me? I'm not an English native speaker.

@@beto.aveiga They never spell your name correctly on the coffee cup.

hoodie 225 could sell a refrigerator to Eskimos

That ones not very good how about he could sell a night light to the sun you see it plays on multiple aspects of the sun like its always day to the sun the sun is bright and how would you sell something to a star you see clever

stutts 1895 I think your digging way to deep into a stupid joke my dudw

@@majestikmse6932 perhaps

@@zenvandusen1576 Eskimo is a derogatory term. I definitely wouldn't be telling my Inuk neighbours you said that, though.

sure pal

Illuminati Confirmed

Photoshopped mate!

An "ad"? What's an "ad"? Oh, I get it, you don't know how to use a computer yet.

+Reza Pratama no

Not really.

@@NikoBellaKhouf yes it is. You just don't wanna realize that you're seriously addicted to coffee

@@grootsyt no, it isn't. Not all of us have weak genes, like you. They actually did research on this and found there are genes linked to addiction. Some people can't get addicted to anything. Others can get addicted to literally anything.

@@NikoBellaKhouf yeah I don't get addicted to stuff that quickly, but if I'd go and do a nice little bit of heroin rn i'd probably get addicted to it and so would you.

GROOT I mean, most of the really hard drugs literally carve pathways of addiction in to you, so addiction resistance doesn’t really factor in to those.

Wisdom of the ages. Yeah, the argument that coffee is equal to heroin and meth is pretty funny.

What makes it different?

are you asking the difference between coffee and meth? LOL go ahead and delete your comment

+Edwin Me too..

If you take equally stimulating amount of meth than normal dose of coffee, you could see that meth doesn't make your heart flutter nor it burns your stomach, nor makes you shaky, reduces possible pains and makes you more uplifted and works at least 10 hours. Triple the amount of meth and you are slightly wired and feel strong and confident. Triple the amount of coffee and you feel horrible and throw up shaking and sweating.

Me too. I like the ritual of it. Usually head down to the local coffee shop for a latte and a donut. Bring something to read if there's no one to visit with. Small-town life!

And that's just what the guy said.

@@garylester8621 The so called "fair" trade is in reality still a branding from large organisations, especially Rainforest Alliance that require a large amount of entrance fee, groups of small specialty coffe companies are better as they tend to much aware of the small batch quality and thus willing to pay more to ensure that (I actually don't care about the increased price of raw beans as long as the farmers can have their share of benefits from that, but I am aware that some unhealthy business models are entering the industry), which large companies like Nestle would never be aware of, in fact they have the tendency to go against individual farms that happens to produce quality coffee, as they are much aware of the stability of quality (stable low quality so that the consumers won't have too high of expectations), and are not willing to let groups of small farms compete with their business models (farming communities that are aware of the existence of high end coffee markets are dangerous to them because that might cause the raw material prices to go up and break their monopoly in some region).

that's what my drug dealer of cannabis told me

I live in Copan Ruinas

@@garylester8621 No he insinuated that farming coffee was not sustainable

Visited a coffee finca (farm) 10 years ago in Costa Rica where the Tico owner was so proud of the fact he was paying his Nicaraguan workers (family with children) to pick his coffee beans. They had huge hand woven baskets they wore on their backs. He was paying them in colones the amount equal to $11.00 (US) PER DAY.

@@karenrogers6146 that's actually not bad. you need to consider that generally, stuff there cost less than in the US

@@karenrogers6146 That's actually a pretty good pay.

​@@karenrogers6146 Wow! That's so awesome :)))

@@Jan-sf7xv Actually I live here and while housing is less, food, electronics and many other items are equivalent to, or more than in the USA. And our sales tax is 13%. At the time when the workers received $11.00, yes the man was paying more than what a lot of other people were paying. But they were paid for picking only the red beans and it was a long day in the heat under the sun.

Miranda K LMAO ikr

Miranda K. Sounds like Star_blaughs house blend! 😹

I do lmaoo that will be 11 dollars yooo I cantttt😭😭😭😭

I enjoy the natural bitter flavor of espresso. The real addiction is SUGAR for most people... If you want to point fingers at any drug that's harmful...

theres almost nothing i love more than the taste of black coffee...

should be stamped on every single mug owned by people that claim 'i cant start my day without coffee'

Sounds like a good tagline!)

Coffee is 15 cents a cup at home.

That chicken sandwich is so great though! And has some damn polite employees giving it to me...

More addicted to sugar and marketing than actual coffee or specifically caffeine.

That is just hot water at work. You'd get the same result from hot tea or broth.

#metoo

@@morganseppy5180 but it happens when i drink cold coffee + thats never happend to me when i drink hot water might just be me tho

Love my morning poop after my morning joe

Wrong, literally within 10 min.

But I'm an average middle class white girl, what else CAN I drink?

Well if you are an average middle class white girl. Literally any other brand? idk

I work at Starbucks.

brandan matthews Trust me, you have my sympathies. Every fiber of my being weeps for you.

Cole Loves You True, you might actually be fucked, mate.

He's great.

Passive-aggressive is the most overused and misapplied phrase on the internet.

Ok so ym i can literally make a cigar out of coffe when it is dried 😂😂

Yes this is so true I always wondered why black coffee tasted like snake venom 😂😂😂😂

Arabica beans roasted to perfection taste nothing like asphalt. You're drinking the wrong stuff.

Yea it tastes like wet ballsack

@@rakesmaharzan3890 Good coffee really doesn't though. You have to get used to it, like with most things that taste bitter, but it does not have tot taste like sigars and asphalt.

Both

Please tell me it doesn't cost 11$

@@zohashaikh3730 it doesn’t cost $11, it costs $12...

@@FreeTanman93 👁️👄👁️

No slurpies cost $1.50

Actually, Randor is the name of He-Man's father. But he's pretty chill so no worries.

It's also a portmanteau of two game of thrones names. Randyll and Sandor - the more you know

unstoppableExodia "Sandor" is a Hungarian name, not a game of thrones name.

budump-tshh

Thank you for reminding me. TO THE COFFEE POT!

I am the great cornholio. I need T.P. for my bunghole.

***** what? Didn't like the Beavis and Butt-Head reference?

don't you mean your warm, addictive brown stuff?

​@@JohnHancock-wn3ih"acquired taste" Milk and sugar:

You were smart. I wish I had followed your example. My first sip was so vile I couldn't understand why on earth Adults liked the stuff so much. But eventually got hooked on the buzz. Done me nothing but harm.

Italian coffee actually tastes great, I drink it with no sweetener.

And you've saved yourself a ton of cash

And thats why I DESPISE beer. We stole a can of my dads Busch once and were revolted!

Yeah, well it’s good. But what’s he trying to sell us.?

@@larryparis925 All the good stuff from the trusted "Horton"-Family Brand

That Roger guy has absolutely brilliant delivery! He is able to say all sorts of horrific things and yet he sounds and looks like he's offering you the best thing going.

Ron Watson Yup, that’s the exact point.

Larry Paris nothing. He’s selling our eyeballs for a slice of that sweet ad money.

Wtf? Same here

Not the only one bro!

I agree, I'm getting videos that are way older and not getting new ones. What's up with RU-vid.

Because cracked doesn’t really release new material anymore. Sadly.

@@giorgigiorgi8375 same here!

''Rodger''...

Wroger is the man.

I thought Roger is a rabbit

indeed he is

Nah, Roger is a guy who tells it like it is, at least 362 days out of the year. What he does at Anthrocon is nobody's business. ;-)

I drink nothing but my own urine. Bear Grylls would be so proud.

You became superhuman and stopped drinking water because of coffee shops?

i try not to drink water, fish screw in it.

But you ARE water. Among other things of course, but mostly just water.

CutsieFace McGee fish F#)&^ in it....

Well said!!!! And you need an award for saying some well said shit. 👏👏👏👏👏🤣🤣🤣

Plebeians 😂

Some are.

best comment ever lol

cuz they are.

lollolool

Praise coffee Lords the almighty coffee Lords, praise the ones that give us coffee more and more and more!

Jason C it's either keep drinking something that has some health benefits or lacking motivation and energy.

Or you know drink tea which is 3 times better for you than coffee.

Jason C me

No, what's adorable is I can still find this funny while completely disagreeing with his gross exaggerations of how biologically detrimental the consumption of coffee is, beginning with his misleadingly calling it "addictive".

Jason C I freaking hate coffee with all my heart and taste buds

yeah fun fact, some tea (black teas f.e.) have just as much if not more coffein in them as coffe so they are just as "addictive and bad"

😂😂😂

@#SODA# Sapis // That's the joke

clearly,it's a joke.

Pffftt... Some jokes and sarcasm are just too deep for some people. 😒

_*Warm_ addictive brown stuff

@Maenad Fixed it! Thank you

Sounds like icebreakers

@@MrNyathi1 They are bad for the mentally healthy people.

@@MrNyathi1 You should when you make general claims about the world around you.

Same

@@TheyWantMeGone69 Tea's better then coffee. Just be mindful of the sugar.

The weaker of the species are entitled to change habits.