In-Laws Refuse To Pay For Wife's Student Loans! 

My kids’ grandparents offered to “help” with their two grandkids’ college 17 years ago. Often told all their friends the same. We just got presented with a $300 check. Good thing we didn’t fully trust their vague comments and saved what we needed!!! They now have the bragging rights that they “helped.”

whenever they START the call with "thanks so much Dave for all your advice I learned so much," you know they learned nothing.

"Had an agreement, I guess." Lol This guy has no idea of that actual situation.

"The reason why they are numbered is so that you do them in order" 😂😂😂 @4:30

I can't listen to these phone calls from people calling underwater.

"Dave you changed my life. Except for the part where I splurged on an overpriced new car. Now: wife got laid off and we are panicked. But wife is not onboard with baby steps. Actually, neither of us wants to work the steps. So...what should we do?"

I cannot stand these people who can’t take responsibility for their own life. 😓

This is why the first question I ask on Eharmony is, “Do you have any student loans?”

The biggest problem is that she is only making $30,000 with a college degree.

It's wrong for the Dad to not keep his promise, but if he won't keep it the loan still needs to be paid since it's in the wife's name.

The worse part of this deal with the dad is that he said he would help her pay IF she attended a private Christian college. If she had known he wouldn't pay for it anyway she could have gone to a cheaper state school. That's another reason why I don't like parents being involved because they can use money as leverage.

People who get married without knowing the full extent of their future spouses debt is just asking for it. As a married couple it is no longer just HER debt, it's now THEIRS. People who disagree should rethink ever getting married. Your never want to start a marriage off with a deception (sorry but not disclosing debt is deception). I disclosed to my husband my 3k student loan and my 3k car loan. He had no debt because he doesn't believe in incurring debt aside from a mortgage. He agreed to still get married and we paid off all the debt within a few months.

I had a similar discussion with my ex with regard to student loans. I offered to pursue an high paying overseas contract position to pay off her debt. She said no. She amassed a level of debt which requires her to remain in school, thus taking out more loans, in order to defer the payments. Definition of insanity.

2 minutes into the video and he still hasn't asked Dave the question... spit it out already

My friend who is Greek got married in College. Her husband never asked her father. To her surprise her father’s position was he is no longer responsible for her debts. Her husband is! He had plenty of money to do so now! It was never spoken again. Life is tough. Bob was not a whimp!

Dave is right. If she didn't have the promise of help with her loans, she would have gone to a cheaper school and not had so much debt. The dad should pay it, mom is legally obligated to pay it I think, but if they refuse then the daughter will have to charge. Unfortunately, it was for her degree so she incurs the risks. The parents are trifling, if the story is accurate. She should have written up a legally binding agreement with the parents to reduce her risk of getting saddled with all of the debt. Yes she's a grown adult and it's her education, but her decision was contingent upon her father's promise and mother's signature. He effected her financial status because he wanted her to go to his choice of school and made her think she could afford it because she'd have his help. He threw her into rough water with the promise of a life raft then left her to drown, while she could have provided a life jacket for herself and made it through calmer waters to shore. I would have said no thank you to not risk it, but I understand her being young and trusting in her parents's guidance and sincerity. This is a mess. I wouldn't pay off the car until she gets a new job. I would make sure our savings is good if one spouse is unemployed and it's tight right now. No need to lose shelter in case of emergency because there's no cushion. Basic necessities matter more than paying off the debt.

The guy isn’t a jerk. He just expects his father in law to keep his word.

Cracks me up when people argue with Dave about the best way to get out of debt.

Yes, it is the wife's student loan debt but she incurred that debt with the understanding and promise from her dad that they'd help pay it.

Get a private art degree, work at art supply store. Cry into your pillow...

I dont agree with paying off the car today. wait until the other spouse has a job.

It’s really unfortunate that his wife was lied to by her dad. She should have refused to take out loans in her name, after all- if her dad said he’d pay for her tuition if she went to this private Christian college, then she should have had him pay for it as she went, rather than hanging onto the hope he’d reimburse her student loans 4+ years later. Regardless, they just need to accept her parents aren’t going to pay one dime of her student loan debt, and just tackle it themselves. But I could understand if her relationship with her parents is now forever strained because of this lie though.

Idk it's her loan. She should pay for it.

I don't like when Dave tee's off on people when it's clear the entire story isn't being presented. If the deal was between daughter and dad....then why on Earth did mom co-sign the loan with daughter and not dad? That right there is a huge warning flag, and if the daughter was never supposed to have to pay back the loan...why did she co-sign for it. If it was dad's deal, why didn't he take out the loan in his name? Too many details left out. Dad isn't a wimp at all, mom's name is on the loan and somehow she wasn't part of the deal...so sucks for dad, but mom has the power here given her name and credit is tied to this loan where she was obviously never a part of some backroom deal to give daughter free college.

Why would the dad even agree to this without talking to his wife?

Simp of the year, Captain save-a-debter shaming his in laws for not paying off HIS wife's OWN debt.

Oh, for heavens sake.....ASK THE QUESTION!

investing requires good experience and knowledge to carry out a good and successful trade, I have lost a lot trying to trade all by myself May I ask which investments are good??>>>>>>

Dave didn’t say he needed to pay for his wife’s loans, he said they need to figure out what their going to do and attack the loan! However that done is up to the couple

My god, a married couple with ONLY 43k in debt and he's crying to her parents to pay. Seriously?

Happened to me. Mom made me get one. She used the majority of the money for home repairs and I'm stuck paying for it. Only 9k left.

Having parents pay for your college is a privilege, it's time to step up and pay for your own college

There isn’t anyone policing the use of student loans. The students often use it to fund partying in addition to tuition. The biggest expense is housing. Live at home with the parents and you’ve dramatically reduced the cost of attendance!

My father offered to pay for my education, I was very thankful for the offer, but I refused. I didn't want to owe my parents anything or feel obligated to them in anyway. My education, my decision.

Just because you graduated from college does not mean you deserve a new car, a new home, and/or an entire new wardrobe. Unless you paid for college out of pocket, then you need to focus on getting out of debt because you do deserve thing but you deserve to be out of debt first so that you don't end up calling Dave Ramsey.

It's her student loan so it's her responsibility

Good advise from Dave. It is a tough situation.

I worked full time or part time while I was in school. I lived at home and when I finished I was debt free. Summers I would work extra hard and have almost the full years tuition saved up. My parents helped me out by letting me live at home and my mom would pay for my bus pass and books. It was what they could offer having seven children. I get that daddy offered to pay the student debt and the fact he broke that promise is sad but people have to buck up and pay their own loans.

It's her loan dude... Have her pay her debts.

Listening to this caller speak is the ultimate test of patience. Oh. My. Lord. Get to the point. Would not do well in corporate America.

Dave actually missed the part where the wife is unemployed rn. They should wait to pay off the car until she gets a job.

I don't think the folks in the comment section understand how much more expensive a private college education is.

Why does it take him so long to ask the question?

I love these videos from Ramsey. Caller: We have $24k in debt, make $70+k/year and $11k in savings, what do we do?!? Me:🤦🏽‍♂️

100% agree sometimes it’s not worth fighting a long and probably losing battle! Just do your best to not get anymore debt!

I dont understand why people think their parents are responsible for their college loans. Even if they said they would pay them. Your an adult pay your way!!!

Don't expect anything from others.

LOL the nerves!! It’s your wife’s loan!

The damage the mother has created will have repercussions later. This guy will not forget this and after it is all settled and done, they may cut the parents out of their lives to the point that when grandkids come along they will have limited contact. I would have a sit down, lay out my expectations and try to resolve it. If not, I would make it clear how the relationship will go from that point forward.

Dave's RU-vid audience is pretty heartless

wife's uneasy about husband paying off HER student loan debt and it's the guys fault for not presenting correctly!!!!! ahahahahaha

I'm sorry but you don't take any loan out in the hopes of someone else paying it for you. Even if there is an agreement, even when they're your parents. I'll always take out what I can take out and pay for. If you pay for it, great, if you don't, doesn't affect my financial plans because I budgeted it in anyway.

If the promise isn't on paper, don't count on it.

When you get married, you are a family unit. Each other's loans are your responsibility when you are married, not your parents. If you are going to depend upon parents, you should not be getting married.

I cannot stand a person who won’t honor their word!

She lost her job and now the dude has to pay off HER loans. That’s tough. I know they’re married so technically their loans but she incurred that debt

How was the mother not 'in the loop' when she cosigned the loan?

I could see not paying off the car in full until the wife has a job b/c who knows how long she's gonna be unemployed. They might need that savings if a job doesn't turn up as soon as they hope. The dad should have talked this over with his wife. And I wish Dave hadn't attacked the mother on this. He's getting one side of the story and a second-hand version at that. The caller doesn't need someone denigrating his mother-in-law. Who does that help?

Yeah. I'm paying for my own student loans.

Hard to know the real facts behind this, it’s odd that her parents didn’t align and odder still that she wasn’t aware that her mom was not in the loop. Doesn’t sound right. At any rate, a married, college graduate should be responsible for her own debt. Even if her parents (plural) did agree..it’s her debt, pay if off. It’s called being a grown up. If you’re a college graduate and married, you’re a grown up. Start acting like one and quit expecting financial help from your parents or anyone else. Get a couple of jobs and you can pay that off in a couple of years. My parents were first generation Americans and although they couldn’t pay for my university education, they did show me how to work. I took it from there...

if Dad promised to pay her back why didn't he just get a Parent Plus loan?

I’d be a bit uneasy using savings immediately since she’s out of work.

Wait until the mom needs something... tsk tsk

“The reason they’re numbered is so you do them in order.” Great line.

So Dad went behind Moms back to spoil his princess who spent a ton of money to make minimum wage and Mom found out and laughed because it was unrealistic. Daughter should have said thanks dad, but you can’t afford it either. Going to go to community college for two years and then transfer to in state school.

It’s called being a grown-up and taking responsibility for your future.

Set boundaries, NO RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILDREN, AND NEVER ACCEPT ANY " GIFTS" FROM THESE PEOPLE!!!!!

NEVER, Never borrow money from family or friends ! If money is Given to you, then thats ok (if signed on paper). The best thing I did was to never borrow money from family, the worst thing I ever did was to load money to a friend - you never get all of it back and you get USED !

Sounds like the wife is not pulling her weight, she has the most loans, she just lost her job and she doesn’t want to do the baby steps in the proper order...

I'll never understand why people think their parents are responsible for their student loans. It's your life now when you turn 18, not your parents. You're a grown adult, so pay it off yourself. Figure it out. This notion it's the parents responsibility needs to end.

"Yeah ok, that's cool and all. Thanks for the compliments and stuff ......but wasn't she the one who used the loan?"

It his her loan. The dad was wring in not coming to an office with his wife. In the end she's responsible for it.

Who knows what the real agreement was but if Daddy wanted her to go to a specific school with private school costs he should have taken out the loan in his name. Unfortunately, he didn't follow through (if that's what really happened) and now she's (they) responsible for it. Married people share money AND debts, you weirdos in the comments

I am paying my daughter's loan because I said I would to help her.

I agree that they should pay off the student loan, but I would never trust his wife's parents again. And their relationship IMHO is shot and will never recover because she could have gone to a much better college for a lot cheaper and would likely have better job prospects if she had.

Yes. People lie and so do parents. In my case as an enlisted grunt in vietnam 50 years ago, I sent home most of my paycheck so I could pay for college when I returned home. Once I arrived back home, I asked my dad if I could get that money I sent. He replied he did not have it because he needed the money. I extended my discharge date in the Army for two years then got out and graduated from college many states away. There was no goal in delittleing my father but it stings to this day. I am now 75. My lesson to the young men today, never ever trust others with your money. Including your spouse if she is in debt. She likely sees you as a checkbook with feet.

If this was a woman calling in about her husbands debt he would be singing a different tune. Also, let me add this to things I won't do: Marry a woman with a bunch of debt that takes no responsibility for herself.

Parents don't have to pay for kids college if they cant afford to. Its called being responsible for your own life. People are grown and expect their parents to pay for it when their parents should be getting ready for retirement. Its selfish to just put it on their parents like he said their adults.

my wife has 2 college degrees. she is currently a stay home mom and is planning on going to work in a year. she paid it herself with some help from her parents. she sees most college degrees are a peice of paper saying you maybe can. in the real world that helps but dosen't cut it. a drive to succeed and the work to back it up are more important in most workplaces.

My daughter worked summers and at college,had multiple scholarships including full academic tuition,got two BS degrees and did a semester abroad. All in four and a half years. Because I was seriously ill at the time she got grant money, invested it and put fifty percent down on a new car,no debt from school. Don't understand why people won't work hard.

I have 2 chronic diseases (1 severe) and with varying degrees of work success due to the diseases (hospitalization etc....) at times I still managed to work for almost 40 years, retired and have a nest egg, it seems like people on this show really have to work hard to get their lives so upsidedown at times. I realize its not easy out there for anyone but if I could do it most can if they are not really irresponsible/making really poor decisions.

i started saving for my kids the day they were born >.

Dave, if you think you can pay for college "as you go' by picking up odd jobs and walking dogs you are seriously disconnected from reality. Maybe in the 70's that was possible, this is 2019.

Your wife, your wife's bill, you pay the bill. You should pay attention before you say I do.

For richer or poorer, sickness or in health.. in debt or not, you in it TOGETHER. It's now both their debt.

Its sounds like your wife's parents can't be trusted to keep a promise.

Father in-law's lack of integrity does not excuse yours. It is your debt - man up.

So him keeping his word is more important that talking it over with his wife fist before making such a big purchase? I think not

First of all, if its the wife's loan she needs to pay for it. The husband shouldn't be asking her parents for money to pay for HER loans. It's not their responsibility. Even if her parents promised to pay for her student loans, she should have realized about the possibility that people can break their promises. She should have thought about that when she agreed to accept those student loans. I don't understand why u wouldn't think its not ur responsibility. Before u get married or even have a date its like u need to ask ur potential partner for a CV/resume in order to not get tricked nowadays. If ur her husband and u don't want to pay for her student loans, don't ask her parents to keep their promise, make her work and pay it off. End of conversation.

Great stuff, Dave!

Now hold it: 18K is not bad for a new car. The caller is not on Baby Steps 1 and 3 he is on working on Destination 3 of the Crown Financial and Compass money maps. Crown and Compass are more conservative by growing the emergency fund faster. If an emergency cost over 1K it is going to be covered by credit cards or other high-interest debt. Therefore they advise growing the emergency fund during and after paying off the high-interest debt. Having 11K in the bank likely is about 3 months' expenses which places him right on target for mid-Destination 3.

The Dad shouldn’t have made a promise like that without speaking with the Mom. But I slightly disagree with Dave about paying off the car loan that instant. The guy needs to do so as soon as his wife has a new job secured though. Sounds like his own income is only $43k. He isn’t making enough to cover the four walls for two people.

If the sticking point is that she doesn't feel comfortable with a $1000 emergency fund, I don't see that changing the number to $2k or $3k makes a significant difference. to the process, it just puts you a month or two behind on the program. That's a small price to pay to get buy -in from the spouse if it works.

Ungrateful people. You benefited you pay, no free s###

Each debt u have is like an enemy army soldier shooting at u. If this guy pays off the car he has one less guy shooting at him. Then he can concentrate on the last army soldier the student loan And kill it.

I would wait until she gets the other job before using the savings just in case.

David has mentioned many times before that no one owes us anything in life. The wife needs to pay back the loan.Not Mom or Dad!! They did not benefit from the degree she took out!

She's lining him up to be a wimp too.

Sometimes doing he right thing is more important than keeping peace with the spouse. If the Dad wants to pay off the daughter's student loan, and she has done as he requested regarding college, then he certainly should do so. If wife is miffed, then she should get over it. There maybe more to the story, however. We are getting only the daughter's version, not the mom's.

So he will buy a brand new car while expecting his in-laws to pay for the student loans? Grow up