I think a lot of these types of attitudes stem from the perspective that someone might choose to show kindness to some parents due to what they are dealing with, even if it’s their choice. But like so many thoughts like this it metastasizes into someone believing that makes it their right to expect such behavior from others and that anything short of that is somehow rude, mean, or simply unkind. I think it’s critical for people of all walks of life to remember that while there may be actions we consider kind or even polite, it does not create an obligation on the part of others. If someone chooses to show you this sort of kindness, accept it with gratitude and without upgrading it into an expectation.
Yeah, I had that one time, sort of. I put in my request and got approved 10 weeks ahead, by HR. At the last week, the manager tried to tell me she had decided to un-approve my leave, because the new hire had to go to a wedding somewhere. I told her that unless it's new hire's own personal wedding, I don't care what the excuse is, I put in for my earned leave 2 whole months before she ever even started, and HR had approved me in writing, and I already bought my plane tickets, so either I go on my vacation and come back as planned, or I go on vacation and NEVER come back. I went on my vacation and came back as planned. A coworker told me he overheard her calling HR to try and get permission to fire me, and got told she was lucky I didn't file a complaint about her. She didn't give me any trouble after that. I do have to say for the record, the New Hire found out about it all and was mortified, she had NOT asked for that she had only been talking about regretting missing the wedding, and manager had decided to pull that nonsense. Also, if it HAD been for her own personal wedding then of course I would have been more flexible to the situation, come on people I'm not a total monster. But some random friend of new hire who lived back east? nah.
@@celinasjourneyi am with you. However i am going to add not befriending coworker too. Due to them taking advantage of you. I agree with not disclosing your personal life to anyone. They will use it against you. I made that mistake once, and never again. Coworkers cannot be trusted. They will throw you under the bus.
I felt this so much as a child free person. I hate when people try and guilt trip me cause ‘they have kids’. They think just because they have kids the world should revolve around them, and somehow make them more special, or their time is more valuable. Sorry it doesn’t. You made a choice and it resulted in you having kids. Your life choices and the consequences that come with it are not my responsibility. Learn to plan and delegate. My personal time has just as much value as anyone else’s.
I feel you on that. 🙌🏾 I think people find out the hard way that they played themselves by having kids & trying use them to get what they want.🙄 If I was Veronica, I would ask the co-worker why didn’t she think about her kids’ needs ahead of time instead of trying to make them a burden for others? Then I would ask her why she chose such a lousy baby-daddy who apparently can’t be there for the kids events? And then I would ask her why was she so promiscuous as to have sex knowing that she didn’t have the type of support system she needed to responsibly raise kids without a stranger’s noblesse oblige. Oh, she would never try me again. Trust me. 😂 #family #planning
@sassy-hallelujah love my kids and I take responsibility for them. I definitely didn’t play myself. You chose not to have kids, great. Don't put your bs on parents. Ironic I only see childless people in this comment section judging the actions of others.
@@unc0mm0n2 okay, Here goes I am a parent of two daughters and I knew that I had to plan around my kids’ schedules. But… I also needed to be considerate of my co-workers rights. now, about the situation Veronica found herself in. The entitled parent had no idea why Veronica had booked the time off. It might have been for a destination wedding, or for her to paint her toenails and watch them dry. Who the frick cares. She booked it three months ago, it got approved PERIOD
@@jaykay5580people have kids because they have an emotional hole in their hearts. And while I can appreciate the difficulty they are going through, expecting others to put them first is ridiculous. The attitude makes me feel more sorry for the kids than the parents. They should be reported to children protection services. No child should have to grow up with such incompetent people.
@@desertdarlene This did happen at a previous job, except they were attempting to cancel a medical test (my colonoscopy, which I desperately needed due to having...issues [I was fine]). Sorry, medical test trumps child's play every day of the week. Too bad, so sad, I win.
HR is there to protect the company, NOT the peons. They don't care about petty squabbles. As soon as feathers get ruffled, they look for excuses to terminate complainers. I saw it happen twice in a year once. But let's pretend for a moment that this isn't the case. What exactly do you expect HR to do about an employee asking to switch shifts with you, and then getting declined? Like oh, stop the freakin presses.
@@doesnotFempute If you're being mistreated for age, sex, race, national origin, sexual orientation, religion, having/not having children, basically a manager brings up your personal life, you report it to HR to cover your ass, not to get HR to do anything about it. If they terminate for filing the complaint, it's called retaliation and it's too illegal to risk it unless the place is already an illegal sweat shop.
@@doesnotFempute It is still good to document with HR. You can remind them that this is for everyone's benefit but especially mine if I need to report wage theft to a labor lawyer.
A similar situation is when someone needs to be off because they "have their kids that weekend". Like...sorry, can't switch with you, I have my kids that weekend too! True, I have my kids EVERY weekend...and every weekday...but still.
This is so relatable. At a previous job I had booked 3 days off almost 6 months in advance, and the manager just decided to cancel them the same week because a coworker had to organize a pep rally or something, for the whole week at her kid's school (I had requested Wednesday through Friday, and she canceled them the monday before). I said "wtf", and the manager just said "Oh, I did that because surely you can reschedule your plans, but her kid´s pep rally is just already scheduled and we don´t have a say in that", soooo... I went to HR to hand in my notice right before the end of the day on tuesday, they called the manager in but I left before she got there and I never went back.
So Iactually book time off and then communicate with my manager, hey I’ve booked this time off because I won’t be here. Doesn’t matter if you schedule me, doesn’t matter if you need someone, IWill not be here. I’m communicating that so your aware and can schedule properly, it’s why I’ve booked those days off.
@@Jazzatic2011 I used to do that, and once the manager threw me under the bus in front of the whole team, by saying that "we lost a client and were overworked the previous week because I decided to not be a team player and schedule days off". Just goes to show how toxic bosses will do anything to be the heros when it's evidently their fault.
Good thing that was in the USA where your boss is living in the land of the free, not you, for you need to bend the knee. Over here in the EU, first to book the holyday, vacation, extra overtime, whatever ... has it. Kids or no kids. First come first serve, with 1 exeption. If you had the Summer holiday last year, others may claim it first. In my previous company they once thought about moving my booked vacation for someone with 2 kids... Well that was a no go for me. I made it simple, for no loss on my part in pay, I needed the same amount of time off, including national holidays that were now no longer included... So I could still be off work for 3 weeks + 2 days. I also needed work to move my booking of hotel + plain and them to fork out of their own pocket the €€ difference. Guess what, I got to keep my time off and she could go at another time... Your household is your problem, not mine. Stop forcing your family issues into my life. I am single by choise for a reason. She just added 3 more reasons that me being single was and is the right choise in this life.
It's fine to ASK but if the other person says NO, the conversation is over. Otherwise, it's so rude! Yes, parents have to show up at their kids' events, but they have to put in requests as soon as they learn the date for the event.
I had a boss cancel my time off to give the time to another employee with kids. Also lost out on preferential shifts to coworkers with kids despite having seniority and a verbal agreement with my boss to move me at the next opportunity. Many years later and I now have my own kids and I would never stoop to this BS.
"I am owed a *lot* of PTO; I applied for a relatively tiny part of that PTO quite long in advance. I never take time off during the main holiday periods so that the people with kids can have time off at those times; I am *NOT* rescheduling. In fact I will apply for PTO next Christmas period because I haven't had the opportunity to celebrate Christmas with family for the last five years. Thank you for reminding me; I'll do the paperwork for it right away."
I had this happen multiple times when I was an HCA. Asked for one christmas day PM off in the 5 years I worked for this company, was approved, then told the day before that it was reversed and I had to work. Told them I had made plans and wasn't able to come in, and they asked, "You don't even have kids. Why do you need Christmas off?" They weren't happy when I explained that despite not having kids, I DID have a family that I would like to see. Mind you I didn't say a word about working Xmas AM & PM eve, Xmas morning. They also wanted me to work New year's eve AND new years day AM & PM, because my coworker with kids had gotten a babysitter and needed a break. Their turnover is still sky high and I guess they still haven't figured out why lol
Fortunately I live in the UK and in an industry with a high number of Muslim employees (security). If I have to work Christmas they do pay us double time but I am happy to give it to one of my friends who doesn't celebrate Christmas. I get to spend the day with my sister and her kids, they get to sit at work and watch TV as the place is closed for the holidays for twice the normal pay rate. We both win :)
people need to stop telling their toxic employers/ coworkers about their personal lives and they could avoid these problems. Everyone has lives. Before I was a parent, I cared for my mom and niece while working and going to college full time. I didn't have time for other people's shenanigans. And for the love of GAWD stop answering phone and emails on your days off, people.
@@doesnotFempute So true. I spent the last 12 years of his life living with my dad as his carer, and worked a full time job as well. I organised his hospital visits around my days off so swapping shifts or staying late wasn't an option. My vacation was used to take him away for a few days for a break somewhere nice, and there was no way I was going to give up those days after spending all that time doing the research for somewhere that he would enjoy, and wouldn't tax him too much. I am sorry you have problems due to your children, but I'm going through my own stuff thank you very much.
Oh, yeah! I was told by multiple people at a job, that I, personally, was unimportant, because they had kids and I didn't. People with kids are important! Luckily, I was out of that job in 2 months.
I have 3 kids. I would never tell someone with no kids that. In fact I encourage you to live your best life as long as you can. Kids definitely change things for you. ❤
I would ask if they would be willing to cover cancellation/rebooking costs for my already paid for vacation. I bet suddenly it is not so important anymore.
I was once told to take the worst seat in the vehicle on a road trip with fellow expatriate coworkers from my country. Why? Because I was a bachelor and their wives needed to get the better seats. I was livid and told them to not outsource their wives' needs to me😅. They didn't dare bring up their matrimonial needs to me again
Veronica - "I already stay late when you get to go home on time because of your kids. Now you expect me to move my vacation around? Handle your responsibilities. That's why they're called YOUR kids!"
I've been abused for years by my job because I don't have kids. My manager will always decline my PTO because other people on the team with kids ask for the time off AFTER mine has already been approved. I have told her repeatedly that I will not put up with being treated like a second-class citizen because I don't have kids and she completely ignores me or she stalls on approvals until she asks all of the "parents" if they want the time off instead of me. Just because you have kids does not mean you can use the kid excuse every time you want to take time off.
Listen I have a teenager now and it still irks me thinking back to my kid-free days how the Director of my dept would always throw that crap in my face, letting parent employees leave for the day for any stupid last-minute reason they could have even made for all I know. That heffa would always come back with "well you don't have kids so..." Wow. I felt like so my life has less value than people with children, just because I don't have children? Since when did having children validate me? Wth????
I had a boss try to do that to me even though I told her a year in advance and reminded her of it regularly until a couple weeks before. Apparently, it was her birthday and I was supposed to know that. I had non-refundable plane tickets for a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Alaska. I ended up going and she found a way to get someone to cover me.
That happened to me. The employee with a kid begged me to change my mind, but I said no. Then she threatened me, but I held my ground and told her that since she just threatened me, I know I won't say yes now. Then she tried begging me. I left the office and went to lunch.
This isn’t a parent problem or a child free problem. The mom is just an asshole. She’d probably pull a similar stunt if she didn’t have kids. I’ve got kids and I don’t personally attack people like this.
Someone suggested I cancel my leave if I wasn't using it for travel or some event. Am entitled to the leave even if I want to sleep the entire time. We all prefer to spend our free time differently
*It's the, "watchu jus said?!"* But, let me just interject, MOST parents are not this clueless and lacking in planning skills. MOST parents are (have to be) masterful planners!!!
Nah. Most parents I know ARE weirdos like that. 🤷🏾♀️ I think they actually had kids just so that they could use the “kid card” whenever they want to inconvenience others. Most of the time, I think it’s hilarious because they really become dependent on using their kids as props & therefore never learn how to plan nor adapt. 💁🏾♀️ #parenting #planning
How long in advance did you know about this field trip? Three weeks? So why are you asking for time off only now? You knew about it ahead of time, just like I knew about my vacation ahead of time.
I applied for a part time job once and the interviewer asked if I was in college, I said no, then asked if I had kids I said no. She then said*great, you’re available full time.* I said no. Just because I didn’t have those things consuming time did not mean I needed the job to consume all of my time. I just needed part time. Life isn’t only about those things people have different styles of living.
They don’t think their kids are a priority. 👎🏾 a little known secret is that most of them are actually sick of their own kids. 😂 lol. u could tell that during quarantine. they couldnt stand to be around them. they are actually jealous of people who don’t have kids so they pull stuff like this to passively aggressively be annoying. #miseryLovesCompany
Going off topic a little, not related to work. Just the way parents pull the kid card and passive aggressively imply that their things or life is more important because they have kids is a major cop out. Childfree adults are just as important and their time is precious too.
Your kid is in the ER, and I gotta cancel my date? That's what society is for, go do your think momma bear my date can Wait. But just.... You have kids so skip to the front of the line for trivial shit? Nah. Never.
In this particular instance, I've seen the strawman represented enough from both sides (child free workers being portrayed as unreasonable monsters who dress down their coworkers for every minute of time they take for their kids, and the flip side where the family first coworkers passively aggressively try to guilt their child free coworkers into covering for them) I'm convinced the root of it is once again corporate management playing us against each other. Obviously anecdotal evidence is limited, but I've worked in several environments where child free and child rearing employees exist in perfect harmony. The common thread, the company didn't make getting PTO approved an arena style free for all among the workers.
My Toddler was on the waiting list for surgery - to have tubes put in their ears to stop their non-stop ear-infections. After months on the waiting list i got an call 10 days in advance of the surgery. I immediately told my manager that day, that in 10 days time i would be traveling to the city (3 hour drive) to take my kid in for surgery. She booked it off for me, but their was an high school student who had booked that same day off 3 months earlier to go to an music concert, the manager disapprovaled their leave and they were mad at the manager, saying that there was lots of staff, surely the manager and the other staff can cover for one day without the 2 of us.
I sympathise with both of you in this scenario. Tickets for concerts aren't cheap - if you can get one at all these days. Then there's the frustration of being given just ten days to prepare yourself and a child for surgery. Honestly I agree that a company should be able to cope for 12 hours without two staff members. That's poor disaster planning on their part. I hope you both took leave regardless.
I am not a lover of Christmas holidays. I by choice work it so I can beg off invitations. Once had one of these mom’s yell at me because she presumed I would switch with her. Oops sorry NMP.
I'm a teacher who just had a parent-teacher conference. The parents received the academic calendar 11 months ago, but failed to pay attention to graduation day and not even inform about the kid is going to be absent. Not only I have to find a replacement for the kid performance but she/he is also is also not going to receive that award in front of the school that could have boost the kid's self-esteem more than showing it to dismissive parents and relatives.
This tho.... ma'am .... go have a seat. In this situation, I let them finish and I just repeat, have a nice day, or if you'll excuse me, if that's all - EXCUSE ME ... Bcz I'm NOT forfeiting my days no matter of kid vs no kids .... that's neither here NOR there
Had to work at 6am instead of 8am which means I get up at 3am because I live an hour away - all because the management offered the change in start time and the mothers all ganged up with the excuse of picking their kids up at 3pm. So crazy!
I have kids and I disapprove this mess, I don't think people who don't have kids don't have lives shucks they have happier and free lives and I don't hate on that honey. This is crazy.
lol, just the same as parents that come in late everyday to the office because they had to bring their children to school. Childless people are simply never allowed to be late. For what? Traffic? They told me to leave the house earlier xD
As a single person I would offer to cover the Christmas holidays so staff with kids could spend time with them on Christmas morning. As long as I could have the New Year’s Day off 🍻🍻🍻🍻
I know a guy who became a dad, at the same time as another guy became a dad. But the second guy had relatives in management. So HE got the promotion because "Well he's got a child. They NEED the extra money."
I have kids, i make sure my time is booked off months in advance. But in a lot of companies, parents are asked if they've made sure to book their summer vacation before everyone else. We only get a 6 week slot while the kids are free from school (Holland) , childfree employees can take time whenever... parents can't, so we do get first dibs for the summer. Before and after is completely open for eveyrone else.
Seems like a lot of messed up coworkers in the comments but in reality it is workers pitted against each other due to corporate greed. I feel for everyone, kids or no. Unionize.
It comes from the fact that lots of parents think the world should "parent" THEIR kids with them. Also the fact that lots of parents use their kids to emotionally blackmail others/get their way around. Your kids are only your responsibility. Period
I was told I should never be late because I dont have kids...as if the line at Dunkin is never long. I further chimed in that they shouldn't need to go on trips if there are 2 parents involved (knowing there wasn't). ☺️
Women and mothers are allowed to gave careers. They dont stop having dreams and ambitions just because they had kids. Keep that sexist view point in the 50s
The only, ONLY TIME I took a shift for people with kids was closing shifts because they needed to be at home with them and because we actually got along, even our manager was super chill and I honestly miss him sm.
My dad missed out on plenty of Halloweens and even a few birthdays because his job told him he had to work. What makes her so special? Plan your time off properly, and maybe, just maybe, you'll be able to spend time with your kids. But hey, sometimes that won't even work. I should know, I made plans to hang out with my dad on a specific date, and his boss told him that he wasn't getting the day off he was promised because some lady with younger kids had a school event she had to go to. You never know.
I have two kids and none of my childless co-workers held a gun at my head while me and my husband were making them :D. Therefore, my children are not a problem of my co-workers :D.
My bosses and coworkers used to do this to me all the time. I worked all the holidays and picked up extra hours constantly because "They got kids" and somehow the responsibility fell on me to keep everything going because I am child-free.
I don't have kids and I didn't mind switching shifts as a favor whenever something like this came up. But they paid, I got a weekend day off or got cash.
I'd like to know if anyone has used these techniques and managed to hold on to that job. This is the way I talk at work, but it always seems to get me in trouble.
The audacity. Did it not occur to Little Miss Thing that Veronica probably planned something with someone else? So she expects both Veronica and her companion to drop the whole vacation b/c of her poor planning? No one asked her to have kids.
Your kid will be fine if you don't go on a field trip with them. My parents couldn't take time off for stuff like that. They had sick days and being able to stay home with me if I got sick was more important than a school field trip.
Inconvenience everyone because you failed to plan ahead. Dealt with that at work and I never backed down. Some folks view planning ahead as ''what's for lunch'' and never look any farther than that. TFB
