INFJ DATING | What you need to know when you are an INFJ 

I am Stoic so it is quite difficult to find someone with the same lifestyle as mine in the current world which is driven by capitalistic values for the most part... though this is how i have started thinking, dont want to waste my time and energy on anyone who wouldnt be a long term part in my life.

I can only recommend online dating where you do take personality assessments in the beginning...that way you are not wasting your time with people that have a completely different lifestyle than yours...doesn't mean that everyone you talk to will be a match, but you already cut out everybody who you know isn't 👍

People don't like politics and when I look at the root of human suffering, it brings me back to politics, I'm an interesting person but I'm not living the most interesting life and I think everybody wants to size me up on what I have and where I'm going rather than how I feel

People don’t want to take their time with me. I’ve been through traumatic experiences with dating and it’s kind of affecting me mentally. And I can’t seem to hold on to romantic relationships because people want to take their time.

@@Wenzes What sites do this?

Lol me

You're not alone!🤣

If only you had read the potentially misunderstandable joke I had written and then deleted 😅

💯

Haha no way..

👍👍👍

All of this?

Add more!

Faxs

I have all of those plus two more which are one don't call me that and to 2 don't make me look stupid in front of others

I have learned a long time not to look at it this way. I know what I want out of a realitionship...so I look who is looking at it in a way that fits my worldview...I block out absolutely everybody who has a different understanding about how they see relationships. So in the end, I only see and focus on what I want to see...the hook up scene is completely foreign to me...I don’t even see it anywhere in my life

@@Wenzes well said

@@Wenzes I can totally relate thank you for the statement cause I keep asking myself why don`t I understand it

So true, I can't stand this shallow hook up culture, it feels helpless. I sometimes feel like I'm just starving to find a decent kind hearted woman that isn't showing her ass all over the internet, or sporting a 3 digit body count... Where are they anymore???

I agree. I've been contemplating about this for a long time. But I don't have an answer.

Yes

You would probably have better luck if you didn't use incel rhetoric.

@@petalchild I have no idea what you think was "incel rhetoric" about that. From what I gather, Incels are typically in the "all women are trash for not dating me and would probably just cheat on me anyway" camp. That is not what I was insinuating or suggesting at all. Women are just people too. There are people who are worth your time and people who are not. That goes for anything in life, including dating.

Yes. I understand this. But most men dont have your mindset. What you talk about isnt gender related. Its a societal issue. Everyone is discarded and temporary. I always wanted marriage for life and therefore i am alone. Because men never respected my boundaries and like Wenzes said i never enforced them...i always feel absorbed by others and its draining af. Im a religious person so i prefer to be alone now than to go against my principles like in the past.

@@petalchildAh yes, I would love to date a woman that will totally fuck up my life both financially and mentally all because I ain’t man enough. 👏

👍👍...next video is about infj being misunderstood...it picks up on exactly that topic

I think also infps do not understand others quite as well as they think. they are great listeners, but to understand others you really need to also be able to understand yourself. I think this person doing the videos understands herself well and is truly a well developed infp. And when you have that skill as an info you have the bull by the horns.

Yes, but isn't it nice to just look at someone and have no need for words. (They know exactly what you want or thinking.)

A key to this may be learning to trust your gut about people by being adequately exposed to different types of people and others' relationship experiences (dating isn't exactly required for this). You can make a better judgement call on the right time to bring up your wants and needs sooner instead of waiting and getting more attached to the person. INFJ's develop a very precise perception of people, but that window gets exponentially narrower the more attracted or attached to the person we become.

Okay

So happy to read that Jessica, glad I can help 😊❤

❤❤❤ my pleasure!!!

👏👏👏 exactly

"I have no intentions" and "Let it be how it should be" and "Let's have a good time, without ultimatums". I accepted this shit. Out of fear of losing her, a girl I had such a strong chemistry with like none before.

We learn and we grow! ❤

@arunamalla1705 I was given almost the same vision when I was in elementary school. But in my case, it was a voice telling me that I'll meet a guy in my early 20s but when I meet him - I can't talk to him about the future of us together, about getting engage & then marry, & he won't @ all tell me he loves me. I was even shown how he would look like in that vision. Fast forward to my early 20s, I did meet the said guy but it all led to disappointment to which I overlooked because I chose to. Only 4 years later, I decided to dump him for good - because all I wanted was a ring from him on my finger to which he disagreed(I was about to enter my 30s). So now, I'm single & have gone numb(if anyone wants an actual/proper relationship with me).

Love this!!! Beautiful.

👍😉👍

Glad I can be of help 😊

😊👍

I think it is important to find someone that we can a common day to day with...if you yourself are introverted and like to contemplate on things it probably will be hard in the long term if you are with somebody who constantly wants to go to social events, likes to be around their friends all the time etc. It's important to have someone who you can "live with"...and still not feel you are constantly working or stressed because of their lifestyle choices

Glad it‘s helpful 😊👍

Glad it was helpful 👍😊 remember, focus on you, what you want, what you need and wait and see if your friend can handle this version of you...it‘s not your task to adapt yourself in order to have a healthy friendship...you do whar is best for you...in a healthy friendship both are doing that and this results in a balanced and uplifting union 👍😊

Actually not self-involved it's more so other-focused selflessness to point of focusing too much on others in one's circle an family; an thus in doing so can lose themselves. Which means they've sacrificed again and again so much so that their actual needs aren't being met. Believe it or not an INFJ actually can relate to the concept of a man who leads his family in a healthy manner will make decisions based upon what's best for the whole family unit not simply what's best for themselves. They can relate and appreciate due to tendency of sacrificing wants an even needs for the same reasons. It sounds self-involved due to many have sacrificed much most of their lives an are now realizing that it's not healthy to sacrifice constantly an it's okay to have boundaries and it's okay to have needs an meet those needs. Some may go slightly the other direction for a short bit trying to figure out the healthy balance. Considering your view of a healthy male leadership in a family unit: Would you think it self-involved if they were sacrificing to the point that none of their needs are being met, actual basic needs, while everyone else in the home is lavishing on all their wants: electronics, expensive toys, fast food, instant gratification spending wildly despite not being able to afford that kind of lifestyle... Meanwhile the INFJ is going without the most basic things like essential clothing, food deprivation to point of malnutrition so others especially children can eat, any funds they get go to family needs or bills never anything they need or might enjoy, dealing with all the major responsibilities an creditors while the lead is irresponsibly digging a hole financially but making it a wildly fun ride for everyone else an somehow has all the moral support for such irresponsible living. While the sacrificing INFJ is seen as a killjoy of all the fun an any attempt of them setting boundaries (for the betterment of all not just themselves) is manipulated as being selfish an self-absorbed an they need to learn to sacrifice for others... This is losing oneself. Going a lifetime of sacrificing for everyone else to an extreme. When one finally realizes their health overall physically, mentally an emotionally is important to protect an begin to meet those needs, start creating healthy boundaries an spend time learning what they actually prefer an enjoy in life it can be seen by others as self-involved or self-absorbed. An honestly over text it's even more difficult to truly comprehend another fully we know nothing about them in real life setting, no visual cues, no body language, no tone of voice...which can cause misunderstandings. There are INFJs that fit the old-fashioned ideal many men say they desire. That would thrive very well within healthy leadership of a husband that truly is looking out for what's best for the couple an for the family. One who appreciates the sacrificial nature they have but doesn't take advantage of. An more importantly protects her from sacrificing too much an protecting from others taken advantage of that quality. Which ironically is the old-fashioned ideal in marriage. At least from what I was taught by a much older generation (1880-1930)

@@GypsyDove For a long time after we went our different ways, one INFJ lady friend and I kept in touch via email, and I recall massively long letters between us, not very different from this. We each, in our own ways, lead complex inner lives, and it seems, we can spend hours and hours exploring each other. I used to break up her email responses to me in sections, copy, paste and then respond to each subject, so as to ease up the complex discourses, several running side-by-side. Strange, it seems to me, that INFJs always seem to find me, out in the real world. I can't seem to locate them. It is the dad's job to make sure the kids have some fun in life, and that's a fairly traditional role, although in some families, the roles could be reversed. Mom's job is to be, as you say, the killjoy, and that, also, is a fairly traditional role. Dad's job is to take the kids out and thrust them into a river full of alligators - just for the adventure and excitement of it all, while Mom's job is to keep her children safe and secure, make sure they get an education and teach them manners and socialization. As for sacrificing themselves, I think I've yet to observe an INFJ (friends included) in an environment where such sacrifices were needed. I know that mothers, for their children, will do such things, but I don't believe that this is specific to any one personality type.

@@RobertMertensPhD I agree with you especially on the point that mother's will sacrifice for their children and it is not necessarily specific to one specific personality type. An I'm not completely sold on these personality types personally. Boxes an labels have never been my thing an none of the various ways mankind comes up with to categorize people an their behaviors, beliefs, etc never seem to fit anyone perfectly. Some are obsessed with pigeonholing everyone into a specific catagory. Yet, as a mother who sacrificed to the Nth beyond what would be considered normal or appropriate I can relate to that portion very well. When a Father's is piddling money away on nothing but fun, instant gratification, video games and fast food. And relegating paying bills balancing checkbook an dealing with creditors to his wife so he can have the excuse of, "...she does the finances..." When asked why bills didn't get paid so his family will bail him out. Instead of admitting he's spending wildly causing checks to bounce or spending it all before the bills are paid leaving no way to cover the basic essentials for heat, electricity an the like. His wife having to dress children in full winter wear to keep warm inside due to such spending sprees. Sacrificing to the Nth degree. If you knew how much so I think you'd agree it would not fit into your own idea of a husband/Father who makes decisions for the overall good and well being of his family. I don't regret my experiences I learned a whole lot, on so many levels, that has actually benefitted me in the long run especially in these economically troubled times. As a whole decent husband's/father's an decent wives/mother's are oft thrown under the proverbial bus today while others fuel a war of the sexes to further spiral this societal runaway train with no working brakes dividing people on every possible level and angle they can dream up. It's sad to see it happening.

@@GypsyDove A lot of people don't like the idea of being pigeonholed into some "box" and told, "this is who you are." It took me many years to understand that, this test doesn't tell me who I am - I tell the test who I am. What it really tells you is where you fit in, in the world, where you are relative to the rest of the world. INTPs and INFJs are two of the four very rarest (1%) personality types. After spending so many years of my life on the outer edge of society and sociality, I had finally discovered why everyone else was so different from me - why they were so odd. When my parents first married, in the early years, Dad would go off after work on payday and play poker with his buddies, and sometimes lose his entire paycheck, coming home empty-handed, to my mom and two children, and nothing to report in the way of groceries. That's clearly not the memory I had of my father (I was the 5th), and I can't tell you what changed, but by the time there were seven of us kids, Dad would bring his paycheck home, hand it to Mom, and she would pay the bills. She gave him money to go to the commissary (military) and buy groceries. He worked two jobs and Mom gave piano lessons and directed the choir at church, just to keep us all with food, clothing and a place to live. I think there were sacrifices all around, especially in those years on an Air Force paycheck. I don't think it matters whether you're P or J (liberal or conservative), since we all live on a bell curve and the vast majority of us live somewhere in the middle, but there is a line, right around the middle, and you can be near or next to it, but you can't be on it, except in a very subjective way. We're all at least a little on the left or a little on the right, or a lot on the left or a lot on the right. The blow that's been delivered to us in a hard way is gerrymandering, which has led to a government that represents those on the far right and/or those on the far left - which probably represents about 20% of the population. The rest of us are screwed. This is probably why Congress has only a 20% approval rating. I don't see a war between the sexes, except, again, between those on the far left and those on the far right. The rest of us are generally at peace with one-another. While I lean left (not far, but a little), most of my romantic partners and interests have been on the right. If we had more leadership from the middle, as we had before gerrymandering became ubiquitous in our political system, more people would be happy with the way the government works. My current flame tried to convince me that she was an INFJ, knowing that I like this particular personality type, but then dragged me onto mainstreet downtown Daytona Beach during Bike Week, through massive crowds of people, loud motorcycles (I can't complain too much about the loud motorcycles, since I rode her there on a Harley with straight pipes - it was also loud), and loud music. I was miserable. After a while, I said, "I'm going for a walk on the beach - I'll meet you back here later." I don't think she's Introverted at all. But we get along well and enjoy each other's company, spending many hours together at a time. She has many of the emotional outbursts of a Feeler, at which times I simply need to be stoic and observant, and listen. She's fairly Agrarian (J-type), since likes digging in and building a home and wants a farm. Probably iNtuitive, since she sometimes gets caught up hair-brained schemes and sometimes scams to make money, and always loses her ass. And then wishes she had called me first. But also she likes "magic stones" and I have no clue what they do, since I don't believe in fairy tales and "the craft." She once bought a mood ring, which would turn dark blue whenever she was with me, so I would tell her, "That means you're in love with me." ENFJ? I get along with ENFJs, and can spend hours at a time chatting with them. So, maybe.

My assumption is don't date infj then, date someone who will fit into what you need from a partner. Save yourself some unnecessary butthurt.

uhhhh! same, man, same. have faith. have faith in the divine timing. ik things seem bleak, but hope is a good thing after all. what I focus on is becoming more and more of the right person, and keeping myself open to possibilities, and trusting that god has something, someone planned for me which is so beyond my imagination, the way it has always been.

The more you set boundaries and drop the dates that don't meet the standards, the less time you waste, and the more time you'll have to find the right one

So happy it resonates with you Sophie...yes, our won experiences are our best teachers 👍 there are always lessons learned 😊

I am guilty of doing the exact same thing! I am always so afraid of setting boundaries, bc I don’t want the other person to feel like I’m upset or trying to hurt their feelings. It always comes back to bite me in the a$$, and causes way more stress and turmoil in the the end. 😣

☺️😉

Glad I can be of help Rusty, thanks for your feedback 😊

And I just want to say do your best,be a good kind person,and dont judge people by what you see.who you assume they are or might be. Give each person a,fair chance to thrive as an individual without judging by assumed associations.

My pleasure!!

Happy it resonates with you 😀

@@Wenzes aha I'm happy I discovered this 😊

Same...dated two autistic guys (both good people but unable to fulfil my emotional needs). Im not even sure if im not on the spectrum myself but i know i need someone who is an example of normal interaction....then a narcissistic dude. Yeah i gave up 😂

@@etcwhatever I hear you