INFJ developing SE (Extraverted Sensing) | INFJ Functions | INFJ Development 

Thanks for watching! What is your experience with Extraverted Sensing?

I can completely relate to this. Spot on! A separation from my husband really made me realize how much I was detached from reality living in a projected future. It’s heartbreaking.

I needed to hear this. I just learned I was an INFJ not too long ago and all of my problems in life come from me neglecting my Se. I've started working out for the first time ever, and working really hard on being in the present and enjoying it. Its completely got me out of my shell I was in. Thanks for doing these videos :-)

This was excellent. I have often likened Ni (water) to be more effective in some minor or major constraint like earth, or material think (Se) Water will splash everywhere and it works better with form. Se creates form, otherwise water is formless. Also makes sense why I love ESTPs and EFSPs. It finally explains it. Thank you :)

I had to watch this 3 times last night, this morning I found my self trying to talk myself into getting back in the workout game and I remembered you said to work on the SE make it happen make it real and it took me a while but I got out of my head and went for the 6 am jog...thank you I know what is my 2019 theme challenge. xo

I am an INFJ who is 17 now. For the last two months , these situations are happening to me. When my INTJ sister asks me something like why I am having such changes in behaviour, I realise why but can’t express. I didn’t have words for this explanation. Your video just expresses what I feel and explains why it is happening .

I love how you combined ni with se and how this can make both of the functions better when combined. I read a quote once that infjs speak in pictures or images rather than literal and deliberate words and I think thats true! The way you explain our world is in pictures and metaphors, very poetic 😍

Thank you, Wenzes! "Use your Ni and plan based on where you are RIGHT NOW." If you develop your Se, work on your physical surroundings YOU WILL BE ABLE TO ENJOY YOUR LIFE THE MOST. You don't need to be a certain way with different people. Don't depend on someone else's Se. And a little something from me - Be useful and help people in the physical world instead of soul searching all the time and teaching them about who they are and how to improve themselves - especially so, because you can't tell if it's actually helpful to them. Or better yet, have a mix of both.

As an infp I admire and envy Se, but I realised that the people who say we cant ever really develope that function are kind of right. I was able to push more and go for what I want, but I cannot really have or feel the Se-energy behind it, I can just do it in this calm, slow Si way. I even wear leather or listen to rap because it reminds me of that kind of power, but I don't feel it in myself... Which is ok. I wasnt created to feel powerful and confident all the time. I was created to idealise these people and write fantasy Storys about them. Lol.

This video was incredible 👌 As an INFJ I've struggled so much with Se. Exactly like you said, I was always attracted to people with Se, and it felt like an empty block in my body. This made so much sense to me and opened up a new perspective. Thank you so much ♥️

Good timing Wenzes as I was in an interesting discussion on developing the 4th function yesterday. I like your analogy and agree our dominant function is indeed the base. An INFJ should not strive to become Se like an ESTP or Ti like an ISTP. I'm convinced the path to personal growth is when we develop our other functions to support our dominant. So for INFJ's, Se should support Ni. Use your Se to make your Ni vision happen. Ni is the map and Se provides the energy and will-power to get you closer to where you want to be.

I needed to hear it badly. Love, love, love you!

The point you made about the furniture that surrounds us is so fascinating... i never thought about it in those terms. I'm going to introduce some more colors and textures in my space to avoid having only comfortable neutral colors that don't stimulate me as much. Thank you for your wonderful insight!

I cannot tell you how much this is helping me. Thank you.

I’m gonna build my own life. People are unique. Ni-Ti that organizing and categorizing experiences and trying to understand “right”. When you fight for yourself, people kind of see your agenda. You make a statement - this is who I am and where I wanna go - you’re gonna join me or not - this is my direction. When you put out Se it’s like you put a force out - a bubble.

As an infj it's so relatable... I'm the one who always lives in the world of what I wanna be instead of what I actually am... Thanks for making this amazing video.. 👀

I cannot express how much this relates to me... nor how relevant it is for me at this exact moment in my life. Thank you for sliding into my RU-vid feed at EXACTLY the perfect moment. 🖤

So the 'Never Enough" song from The Greatest Showman is the INFJ theme song..... I buy flowers for myself too!

I have a pretty Se-reliant job (painter) and like you I chose it out of necessity, so to speak. I need an external outlet for the intense world of my mind or it starts eating away at me. It took a long time to dare to show my work though because I kept thinking it needed to be better, my mind always being three steps ahead of my hand and envisioning how much better I would be in six months time and what needed to be different. Way too much of a perfectionist. What I still struggle with Se wise nowayadays though is everyday reality... Cleaning the house, eating (I often forget to eat when i'm painting), sleeping correctly, getting some exercise. I love cooking and when I do it I enjoy it a lot but it's completely all or nothing, I only do it when I have people over, otherwise I don't eat and my house is a pigsty because reality doesn't exist - at least not nearly as strongly as all the stuff that's going on in my head and taking all my attention. Lol. Also, yeah, always projecting things, life changes, never doing them. So hard to actually act.

You are beautiful. You understand this topic so well and explain things so clearly. Thank you so much for your videos. Am learning a lot and finally feel understood. Just recently discovered the Myers Briggs personality test and am infj. A lot is starting to make sense from watching your videos.

Amazing video Wenzes! Really timely as well in my own experience, really fits the bill. Relate a lot, and I also see the "bigger picture" of the video, hard to explain though, but I want to thank you. Hit home well, as things are really progressing and Se is joining in on the fun in a stable, wholesome way now - finally.

There's so much good stuff packed in this video. I think its going to take a while for me to process.

Wenzes, Yes! This is the concept I really love and this is what sparked and ignited me when I first started watching your videos. That video you posted titled Don’t fear being invisible was one of the first ones I watched and that whole thing about being the leading role in our own movie has helped me immensely when I remember it and I think that level of confidence and assertiveness from you in that video about the points you mentioned along with other videos and with stuff I’m learning from a researcher named Brene Brown about owning our story and self love being necessary to love others has without me knowing influenced me to develop my Se. I didn’t necessarily know that was what was going on but what you described in this video about how our relationships change once we do this happened to me. I still do feel like I need to tone it down for some people but there’s that dilemma because I don’t want to lessen myself. It feels like new territory and strikingly freeing. It is a battle to be consistent though just because of that overwhelmingness of looking at where I am now and seeing that there is so much needing to change. Just have to remind myself to enjoy the process but that’s hard especially because I’m not sure if there’s like a solid place where we land in the end either and that there might be a consistent process and so I might have to change my mindset there. Also, I never really thought about how freeing I also find it to be able to be with dominant Se types for that very reason of not worrying about overwhelming them. Ahhh so refreshing, thanks girl!!!

Amazing explanation. Thank you.

This is very insightful, and a topic that has been on my mind. A piece of the puzzle Of myself that I have been trying to understand better lately. Thank you!

I LOVED THIS!! I can relate because I am going through this exact thing Right Now! Its validating what Iv been working on in my life and your right, it’s less exhausting being just ME. I’m so glad this is a video in the real world and not just in my own head about it. INFJ married to and estp

So accurate, I absolutely relate. Thank you

Amazing , I'm in the same boat i'm still struggling with my Se , i'm an artist musician and it takes me a lot of motivation to get started. I get discouraged easily, especially with finding meaning and actually being seen.at the moment it's the empty spaces that seem to take over, I really like the idea about building a base.Definately something to work on .

You are a great explainer!

yay! perfect timing... thank you x

I'm always scared that if I use Se too much, it' consume me and drown my dominant functions. But when you explained that you used your Se to stay true to your personality, it brought me hope

Thank you kindly ✍️

My favorite video of yours ❤️

Always such amazing timing with your videos for me 😂 I’ve been in a bit of a rut and I definitely need to work with my SE more, and not rely on others for it. Without it I think Infjs can go a bit existential, even nihilistic. Can’t wait to hear about Fe! 😆

Sports help so so much ! take it from me. It saved my life .

Loved your comment on mindfulness, the last 2 years I feel that I’ve been in a mindfulness Induced Ni loop, totally disconnected from reality 😅

I did Landmark Education ~20 to 25 years ago, intro, intermediate and advanced. Landmark was the same educational program that inspired Tony Robbins. Landmark helped me to be more assertive (Fe and Se in my stack) and not my usual passive self (Ni and Ti loop), who just went along with everyone else. I did have a good sense of myself before I tried Landmark, and the training did help me, but I had issues with the Landmark push to extroversion. They awoke parts of myself that I buried or that felt uncomfortable. I will always be an INFJ. Finding the balance in our stack can be a daily challenge. We are only most comfortable and the most open to those who we have allowed in our tight and inner circle. An enigma to most, and at times, just as confusing to ourselves.

As an infj that was so helpful thank you

This is very inspirational! 🌺🍀☮️🥰 thank you Wenzes

Thank you for clarifying this for me! An INFJ trying to develop too

Your video was very illuminating. Like you, when I was younger (17) I used to neglect my Se. The only reason I wanted to stay close to people with strong Se was to feel accepted, because they looked so cool to my eyes. But at the same I saw them as superficial individuals and despised their Se tendencies because I saw them as weaknesses. In the same way, if I felt a slight need for a Se experience for myself, I tended to suppress it, pretending that is wasn’t a real need and that focusing on the internal world and structure, together with maintaining the purity of the soul, were the only things worth giving value to. I was convinced of this belief, but sadly it led me to feel totally misunderstood. Now I am little bit older (23), and despite the fact that I always feel that I will be a little misunderstood, all the rest has changed. I need Se in my life, and I need it for myself. Even if I don’t understand how XSXP live like they do, and even if I tend to consider them superficial sometimes, I feel I need them closer to me and I need to feel part of what’s in them to be part of me, even if maybe it will never be that spontaneous like it is for them. I feel a constant need to live life to the fullest and (at least before seeing this video) I thought that the best way to do that was tuning my Se with that of Se-Dom personalities. However, the first thing that your video made me realise is that this is not only an incorrect reasoning, but actually also a kind of a selfish one: it’s like I am using them to feel something inside myself. It’s true, the admission of the need to satisfy this part of myself is still healthier than totally disregarding it and judging the people who make a strong use of it. Healthier both for me and them (since I’ll start to look at them as better people), but now I have some doubts that this could be the healthiest way possible. Another problem is that, despite my perceptions in this matter have quite changed in time, I am still the shy guy that I was 6/7 years ago (maybe with just a more developed Fe). I still don’t know how to approach those people, make myself interesting to their eyes and start being their friend. Previously I used to suffer because I knew I couldn’t be understood by them, but at the same I felt they were that much different from me that I didn’t want to really approach them. Now it’s the opposite: I can tolerate that they can’t really understand me, I have learned to appreciate them in a certain way, but at this point I have no idea how to approach them. I have a lot of things I want to do in my life but I feel like I have no one to do them with. All my other friends are everything but XSXP, most of them don’t even have the impulse to satisfy their Se. Others (mostly ENFJ) are quite extraverted people, doing always fun activities, but for certain practical reasons it is difficult to be together that often. I’m only 23 but I think I am already wasting my life, because I feel that I have so much to give to people, but I can’t find a practical way to do it. I feel that this desperate need will be an harm to me until it won’t be fulfilled. For example, I am always so much focused on the fact of not having the life that I really want in this sense, that sometimes I neglect the things that I already have, like sometimes I feel I can never truly enjoy the presence of my parents. Of course I love them, but it’s like I feel I don’t have the right to enjoy them until I have all the rest figured out, and I feel very sorry for this. So the acceptance of my Se side has grown in years, but I still live so much into the future that even the attempt to find a way to express that side is set to much into the future. Then I saw your video and you put a totally different perspective in my mind. I acknowledged my growth in my view of the benefits of a healthy Se, but you made me realise that maybe there is still a part that I am getting wrong. What I really need is a way to bring out the Se side of me without having to be dependent on other people. I mean, I’d still like to have more friends than I have now and having certain experiences with them, but maybe the most important thing is that I have to search within me that thing that until now I was looking for in other people. The problem is that I really don’t have any idea on how to do that. Do you have any suggestions? Sorry if I used bad English, I am from Italy actually

this was so helpful! i'm in a relationship with an ENTJ and we have some SE things in common, but they are also opposites at the same time. trying to decorate a room is a total nightmare. :-P

I am an INFJ and got into functions recently so i am not so knowledged about them. But there are some things that i learnt about repressed Se and it really suits me. I do have trouble with challenging myself. I always have an idea, i always want to do something but many times i dont because either i get scared to do or i dont find any motivation. And i hate it. Thats why i am trying to get better at it. So i guess this means i am trying to develop my Se. In the past i never cared about the surroundings around me. But there was a time in my life which i was left alone and during that time i realized that i loved the nature. After that time, i started caring about my surroundings a lot more and i loved it. But i am still not perfect at recognizing places, people etc. I started working out regulary and it feels really nice. Every time i start a workout i have difficulty motivating myself but i do it anyways and feel good about it xd Now its time to challenging myself in art. But i keep procrastinating. I hope i can start soon.

Fantastic, I love this series. However, if I may make a suggestion: have your producer overlay a graphic that decodes the 2 letter acronyms. I find it very difficult to follow along and gain from the information because I am not Myers jargon fluent.

This really resonates and is such good food for thought. I'll come back later once I process 😉

It would be really nice if you could elaborate (with a concrete example) on what you mean by Se. I know there's a lot of websites that define these cognitive functions but for a video to be dedicated to Se, it would be nice to understand what YOUR perception or at least your perceived physical manifestation of Se is. Otherwise, it feels like the audience might not be on the same page as the video.

If INFJ's are natural therapists, you're the therapist of therapists!

Well as INFJ'S can have health issues, I had a lot of extra energy growing up as hormones were off. I have learned how to do bicycle repair, home repairs, excellent at cleaning, dance choreography, yardwork/gardening, crafting, working on my own medicine... I am hoping to make furniture and a lot of my own home supplies for learning to be self sufficient. Since my health is better I have to pick away at stuff, but I am confident. Thing to do....

This explains alot about me always attracted to ppl who are more outgoing expressing i never understood why i like them

Aww you bought yourself flowers, that's so cute! I am wondering how travel goes in hand with spreading the hole from a place where you're at. What's your thinking about games and chocolate? Like I enjoy chocolate and can get in the grip with some kind of games, so... I'm curious.

What you say about translating your language for other people, and they don't really know you... it's so true. And for an INFJ with strong I component, that is exhausting. TBH, I have burned out of a lot of friendships, because I just didn't want that person in my life anymore, because I dreaded doing all that work when they were around, and I started feeling like "what's the point?" , because as you say: they don't even know the real you anyhow.

Hi Wenzes, I’ve noticed that my Se relationship is not the healthiest... I find it difficult to use it, because when I do it (or at least I try :) ) I feel extremely “vulnerable”. Like your example: I live indeed constantly in a bubble of someone else, and I’m almost “afraid” to let someone in my own one (or I need A LOT of time). Yoga and meditation do really help, and when I’m alone, I do feel better. But when I go outside, I feel pretty easily overwhelmed. I have to thank you so much for your videos, everyone of them gives me new insights. It’s just so difficult to externalize it! XD

wow just wow

I read an article about SE before watching this video, and it helped me understand the function better. It's stronger in my life than I thought it was, even if not the strongest. But it's there! 😊 (Art and music help strengthen it for me.) So I see this dynamic. This video has helped me recognize it more easily.

As you're a cognitive ISFP your Se-Te divergent pairing is actually very strong Wenzes. You're very much 'in the moment' and have a great presence in this video. As our convergent pairing, in your case Fi-Ni generally develops faster, it's little wander that your Se authority was more of an aspiration. Re the ESTP as they're more experientially focused (or at least their Fe is) they're generally not going to actively disagree with you in fact, ESTPs generally champion people who are the outliers in society, they respect that individuality. Noooo Ni-Ti makes a cerebral judgement not an affective subjective judgement. In terms of internal thought system ironically the ESTP is Ti-Ni similar to myself, the INFJ & ISTP - we're holistic thinkers not holistic feelers. You place this prominence on Se ie not being able to hold it back as you're an ISFP; conversely as a divergent ENFJ I tend to bias Se in favour of Ne. When you said being the main character in your own movie by embracing Se - this is so ISFP! The cognitive INFJ is concerned with abstract logical re formulation; the Fe-Se after effect is secondary to this.

Imagine at 7 yrs old having your parents get a sitter and bring home a baby sister. No previous discussion. My 2 older brothers and I were in shock. My older bro said "We don't want her. We don't need her. Take her back." Never was it discussed how angry all of us were. Boiling over to friendships, relationships, intimacy issues. We all internalized we must not have been good enough. I split from the drama at the urging of therapists. My 94 yr old Father to this day uses the excuse "We thought you needed a playmate " Me, I can be entertained for hours with finding 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀. Took me 62 years to confront him. The secrets in the closets.

What are some other ways to work on SE other than decorating/improving the space around us in our homes/work environment? Esp. in cold winters! I find a lot of 'hobbies' quite boring like cooking, etc. Is SE something better expressed with people, or alone? I am a bit unfamiliar with SE-- what are some examples of how to work on it? Thank you!!

Where am I right now? What if it stayed like this? Create a beautiful world around me. Here. Make it a point. If you don’t use Se, you have this Ni vision that just does not exist. It might help someone else but you aren’t doing anything for yourself. There’s always a space. Look at ur reality as much as you don’t want to. Then use your Ni, how can I make this better? It can overwhelm, But consciously you gotta have to say this is where I’m at, the base, and then create on it. You need it. There is something missing and it can’t be fulfilled by a person. One life. You have to give priority. When you prioritize Se, you minimize Ni. But it’s still enough.

An INFJ here 😊

It is helpful, obviously, but it also sounds more like Fi, idk how to differentiate

It's such a struggle I dont think I'll ever figure out if I'm and infp or infj..

I had this realization by listening to your videos and understanding the functions deeply and how even the shadow functions are important for integration, each part of the whole are important. Funny thing, Secretly I like your conversations but found you too assertive and aggressive but I can see I how I suppressed ‘Se’ and it bothers me a little who use it.

Would cooking be considered se?

I think you might be trying to hard. But I think your experiences are unique. because it seems your trying to do things that your not suppose to. even I have hard time keeping up with you. It feels personally stressing. But I think I am well in tune to what is happening but also at the same time I am not. because it's like try to project outward personal feeling that gets complex. So lets start over. It feels like social experiment. note I said feels like. I didnt not say it was absolute as fact. it feels like the emotions you juggling with logic instead of bringing it into harmony with logic. But it feels like your trying real hard to sync this information together. Being who you are is accepting the truth. as long as your connected to that it's good. It real hard because it seems you taking the problem from more then one side other then what an introvert would do. But troubling part probly is you might feel your addressing more then one person? It was a good video. but thing is it's a puzzle piece to analyze not knowing what to expect. when someone doesn't have heads up on what to expect in video

Sorry, but you juggle with terms as if everybody understands…. SE? Third function? All these alfabet terms ….. can’t you do a video with the most basic ABC on this letter juggling?!