INFJ | What it is like being an INFJ - T? For Males and Females alike. 

Any INFJ's find an unnatural bond with animals? An no, I don't mean in a heavy petting zoo kinda way.

INFJ-T female here and this is so spot on. People on the outside think that just because we are 'rare' that it must be amazing and fun to be one, while there are times where being an INFJ can have its good moments (like when I go into my inner world and have time to just safely be me at my core) but then there is this nagging feeling that we don't belong in modern-day society. I found out only two years ago that I have this personality, I am only 22 years old and I have so many more years of reading people, learning about how to use the things that I have been given. Now that I look back on my childhood I understand why other students and peers my age didn't get me. It's a burden and a blessing at the same time.

Can't change what you are Marty... definitely not a curse ....it's a gift as long you can accept it...embrace it .....took a long time for me to figure it out .... starting with something's wrong with me to ......this is me ...infj and proud.... Stressful at times but not a curse .. definitely not a curse Take care

For me the inability to settle equals a constant dissatisfaction. Nothing is ever good enough or quite done, everything can be improved upon. Never-ending anxiety.

I always have to prep myself to act normal when I know I’m gonna meet new people so it doesn’t seem, as Marty said, like we’ve known each other for 20 years.

With IQs around 130, just below genius level, but significantly higher than 99% of the people places us socially in an awkward place within society. A little smarter and we wouldn’t give a shit and little dumber and we wouldn’t be such misfits. In group social situations, I feel like I’m surrounded by children that aren’t cute. Mostly, I’m bored back into my mind. Yes, I was able to follow you even when your mind skipped over phrases and sentences.

INFJ female here. Thank you for helping me.

On the "solitude of friendships" part you said you have always envied those who have many friends, and that you just don't get it. I'm assuming you are saying that you have always been solitary, yet envy those with many friends...and that contradiction is what you don't understand. So my take on that is this: I'm the same. Solitary, yet want more friends. But if you think about it, the reason we don't have more friends is many, and most it is that those "friendships" will not be beneficial to us. We give, they take. We're loyal, they betray. We expect too much. Which really isn't too much.. just reciprocation. So it's not worth it. So don't envy them, it's in essence not worth your envy, your thoughts or feelings. It's like we're on the outside of the situation and looking out at everything, and we can see through it. Most if it's fake. Therefore, not worth anything.

INFJ male in mid 40's here. 100% of everything you said resonated with me. Even when you couldn't find the words.

Having conversations with any kind of depth is probably the most difficult thing for me. Any time a conversation drifts to anything remotely interesting for me, I can read the disinterest, boredom, or agitation on their faces and body language almost immediately. This feeling feels worse when it's your own spouse that becomes this type of person and you make that realization that they won't ever make you happy and you're wasting your time entertaining the relationship. On the bright side, being so aware and analytical makes it very difficult to be manipulated as I personally see their intent as it's happening.

Anyone else have trouble looking others in the eye during a conversation, due to the sensory overload that occurs? Have you (and how often) received the sensation of dread, when the person you’re looking in the eye suddenly realizes that you’re involuntarily conducting the equivalent of a Vulcan “mind meld”? The vulnerability can range from mild uncomfortableness, to downright scaring the crap out of them, and you (we) in turn absorb that fear. Conversely, when someone is in a state of bliss, and we gaze into their eyes, we capture their sensation, and want to let it flow through every fiber of our being, right down to our soul.

Hello, I'm Beatriz 23 years old. One of the strongest/saddest memories I have is when I was growing up my parents (the people I love the most in this world, the people that I admire and accept wholeheartedly) asked me: "why can't you just be like everyone else?" And of course they don't remember saying that, but I do. So all this time I've been trying to figure out wtf is wrong with me. Last year I took the MBTI test my results were INFJ-T and I was really happy to know I'm not completely alone or crazy. However only recently I've found your videos and honestly most of them just makes me cry and think "finally, someone understands me" or "I wish I'd known sooner..." So thank you 🙏🏽

Finally i found out I'm not alone😥🤦‍♂️

What a relief it is to realize I'm not alone in my absolute bizarrity! Thank you!

I definitely have gotten sick of being told I'm weird (at 32-yrs-old). I don't get it. Also, I identify with wondering what the heck I'm supposed to do in this world and how. I'm in college but I don't know how to function in this world made for other types.

One of my best musician friends told me: "There is no-room in this World for nice people" ... People are programmed and conditioned to shun good people. Unconsciously and critically.

18:40 the first time you said WRONG with me - Fe pricked its ears up like a fox. I really sensed emotionally speaking through your words. Pain and hurt . Your emotions (sorry I know you didn't ask but I felt it clear as day). And through your voice I felt them as mine; whispering across my nervous system. God no you're not weird. I can relate to everything. INFJ and HSP. So its extra intense. Before I knew this I was in hell. If you saw me you'd think I was BPD. I thought I was a wreck of a human being. Not now, I embraced it all. Calm empathic vibe and living my version of self actualiztion. Not perfect. I'm still deep and intense. It is not easy and I relate on every single level. Thank you for the video Marty and to everyone - thank you for being you. Seriously; all that matters is that you understand yourself.

Does anybody ever feel like they can almost pass off calm/good feelings to others? Like focusing and passing off energy because I feel like they need it? Does that make sense? Especially easier if I'm hugging them or something. But also with the energy thing, does it feel like you can almost feel negative energy? E.g. When people are gossiping and saying mean things, even in another room. I feel so on edge and anxious, paranoid even.

You don't pick up because you're afraid you won't be able to say "No"

INFJ-A here... So viewers understand, it's like surfing: when waiting between the perfect waves, we introspect like this video describes privately, but when we take a wave, we get into a flow state, our extroverted selves is not as complex, we are easy to get along with, warm and genuine. What Marty is explaining isn't the first few layers you interact with...basically it's a love hate relationship with people, but a deep friendship with ourselves, and its because we feel a tidal pull from people that are suffering inside (Cluster B), courtesy of our ability to sense your soul, your core self, easily see thru your mask, and want to ease your suffering, advocate for your wounded inner child all the while not making it an issue with you (hey, here comes a wave let's drop in on it and have a blast), it's a matter of time before the A type learns to regulate our Fe with mature boundary functions, and steer clear of cluster B. I'm just saying we are a lot of fun, with a Pan-like attitude, that's curious about the world like a little happy child, ... that deep stuff above is for us INFJs.

I love how he describes INFJs. "It sucks. It's a curse." I describe myself like thata too. One of my fave quotes is the meme that says "birth is a curse. Existence is a prison." Hahahahaha. I just found this channel today and I already love. It helps me get to know myself in a very detailed way. It makes me feel understood and not alone.

the interview for the job I have now quickly turned into me listening to all of her problems. She came in the interview late and looked really upset and I guess something about me told her that she needed to lay it all down on me. Took forever and I like to listen to people sometimes but damn sometimes I just want to have a conversation without it all being about the other person.

I feel the best way to explain that wombo combo of numbers 1-3, is that it's not an inability to settle but an inability to be satisfied. -INFJ male

Interesting to watch an INFJ having the ‘classic’ two conversations at once. 🙏🏼❤️

Hey! I'm...I don't usually comment on RU-vid, and this is going to be a stream of consciousness, please don't mind me. Sir, trough the whole video I FELT every single word that you've said, every single emotion that you've felt, the way that you speak, the way that you make pauses to think, the way that your voice sounds...I don't know how to convert what I feel right now into words, but I can say thank you so much for sharing. I feel understood and vulnerable and attacked and at peace and..yeah, I feel a lot right now. But it's all good! Thank you so much for speaking up. It's going to be okay, you are not strange. You are understood and you are heard and...I just let my infj out, didn't I? I just have this need to tell you it's going to be okay. Thank you again.

Infj female here and this resonates on another level. I just found your videos and it feels so validating to know that I'm not the only one that thinks this way. Thank you for insight and videos.

Bless you for your honesty and authenticity. Being INFJ A I could identify with so much of what you said but not all. And I sure appreciated getting to know what it is like being an INFJ T.

Thank you so so much Marty. You are helping so many people. You are seriously incredible. I resonate with your genuineness so much. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you or any of us INFJs. We may be "strange" to others, but we are beautiful in our own way. There's nothing to be ashamed of. It makes me want to cry that you feel that way. I think you are wonderful- maybe the most wonderful person on the Internet that I've seen due to your authenticity and the way your mind works. I wish you could see your value.

I feel so seen and heard 😭 it’s like you are a fly on the wall observing my deepest secrets and shortcomings. Some of these things I didn’t even know were associated with the INFJ type, I thought they were my personal quirks.

Marty, I thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for the wonderful work you do!💕 You just described me to the core. I am a female in her late 40’s, INFJ-T. I knew since I was probably 4 years old that I had to learn to be on my own. It can be tired at times to have people looking at you/us as if we are from another planet👽

This dude gets me! Thank you for extrapolating your thoughts on this , it has helped me better understand my past interactions with people and what I need to do differently to achieve different results.

Your not alone Marty! How refreshing it is to come across your video, thankyou ❤

I wish my IQ was 130 instead of 170. This way, i would be more relatable to most people. I'm a INFJ-T and i am highly misunderstood by almost everyone I've met. Including girlfriends, family, friends, and co-workers. It makes me feel like a Alien.

Hey man, I'm a new youtuber and an infj-t as well, thanks for ya bravery with steppin in front of a camera n makin vids, hell yea bro 👍👍👍👍👍🥓🧀

Not only am I grateful for this content, but I'm also so thankful to see you experiencing this as an outlet for your voice. When you said "we're writers, not talkers", I actually got chills. This was the first time in my life where I felt understood at this level. There are so many layers to that statement that it can be paralyzing to try and explain. Thank you, sincerely.

Thanks, Marty ... I recognize every bit that you've spoken of. Good information.

I am at a point I’ve forgotten who I am. To the point I’ve closed off and stopped dreaming. Stopped pushing forward. I even recently went to jail something so alien to me. I stopped caring. Then there is that other side of me that punishes myself for anything I did in that self destructive mode. I feel my behavior is tied to me tired of trying to fix everything and everyone.

I feel different like there’s so much potential to me but all the options of where my life can take me overwhelm me because I have to give up something else to follow a certain path. There’s a lot of potential within the mind of an INFJ, it’s indescribable to people who aren’t like us

Thank you so much for making these videos. I am so grateful. I'm crying but I also feel better than I have in a long time

Amazing video--not only talking about what INFJs suffer, but manifesting the symptoms while doing so. Well done, and thanks for being candid.

OMG!!!! THIS IS SO ME. Between you and Frank James, only now when I just turned 66 have I begun to understand myself because Gd knows I have suffered my whole life and thought it was just because I was crazy. The answer I always got all my life - it's all in your head. No matter what the problem was always in my head or I was just looking for attention. Not true. I hated attention like that. I was always uncomfortable being around people. I can't tell you how much this has damaged me. I'm trying to get healthy all the way around so I began a few months ago on the keto/carnivore diet. I lost lots of weight, I don't want to sleep all the time, I have lots of energy, I'm off 2 different antidepressants that I've been on for 32 years, off my reflux medicine of 20 years, no longer have Rosecea, and no longer need my cpap machine. And strangely enough I'm not getting that under the skin bruising that many elderly get when the skin is so thin.It was after starting this that I discovered Frank James and now you. I'm not nuts. I'm super sensitive and have been accused of being like a witch bc I saw things that were going to happen bc of bad decisions on others' parts - and when they did - I was to blame. You even seem to struggle at times for words like I do even though I have a similar IQ. I told my therapist. I feel but it it difficult to put into words. I guess that doesn't help the situation that I think very strongly in pictures. Anyway, you have a new sub. Thank you for this video.

For me the worst thing is the negative self view. I think I come at the world from a place that believes that I, myself, is flawed and needs to be fixed. Even when I'm doing and feeling great, there is a nagging feeling that I could be doing better or it wasn't good enough (perfect) etc etc etc.... I'm writing as I watch... My only friend is my wife. I have some acquaintances, but that's it. I feel that weird hurt wanting to be gregarious, being the most cheerful and helpful person around, yet wanting to be completely invisible. Great video. I'll keep watching.

Making tons of sense. Explains a lot thank you!

Wow I cannot believe how much this resonates! I am just starting to look into this as my personality type, but after watching just a few videos it answers so many questions for me, especially about having so few friends. Thank you!!! I can't wait to watch and learn more.

INFJ here. I felt every second of this video. Thanks for doing this. 🙂

Love love love your authenticity. I’ve done a ton of personal work and feel like I’m finally coming to terms with my weirdness. This was incredibly refreshing and raw. Thank you for letting us into your world. I love everything you talked about because I struggle with the same kind of thing. Subscribed!

Man, I just recently started watching your videos and you really hit the nail on the head every time. During quarantine, I started babysitting for my neighbors who were thankfully still able to work. I watched their kids for 3 months, Mon-Fri, 7am-6pm. I was running on no sleep (due to stress) & zero time to recharge. They have a dog, who I’m very allergic to, which lowered my immune system. The want to help others & inability to say no is so real. Thanks for sharing, no matter how tough it might’ve been for you, & keep doing what you’re doing.

I understand 110% brother. It was like looking into a mirror listening to what you had to say. I'm glad there is someone out there who understands what we are knowing that we aren't alone anymore. Could not have said it better myself thank you for all your time and effort to make this powerful message to us, the INFJ's in this world.

Hey Marty 😊 You seem like a kind and generous human being, I wish you could see how wonderful you are and understand that what you consider as a curse are actually beautiful qualities about yourself ☺️ Did you ever consider to consult a professional help, it was in fact pretty helpful for myself in difficult times 🙂 i wish you the best, thank you for the content of your videos, they are very instructive! (Sorry for my bad english ahahahah)

As an infj I’ve seen the correlation of infj and the heyoka empath. Like to see us as blessings rather than a curse! Guess it’s all a matter of perceptions.

I felt every hesitation, breath, and pain in your voice. I usually get exhausted when hearing and predicting others but you... it felt so familiar. It was like the heaviest pressure in my chest and yet felt so light and familiar. At least you have some pride and can say these things with confidence. I dont have an oz of pride in me and can only get pride when my loving , very understanding husband fills me with confidence.

I relate so much to your way of explaining, before you mentioned you were an infj I really felt it resonating with my way of thinking/talking/explaining. Definitely the parts where you just make a beautiful explanation and then go 'man, yeah.', like realizing what you just said is so much more true than before you said it and it's like a whole new idea opens up in your mind kind of thing. I relate to and understand all the points in this video, definitely perfectionism and writer, not a talker combines. People telling me 'just call them!' and there I am just refusing, telling them I'll write an email that I end up writing, rereading multiple times and after I sent it rereading it again as if to see it from the receiver's perspective almost. Watching this made me feel so much more understood and it's also very relieving being to think along with your thought process about all these topics, so thank you for this video!

Man im jst turning 19 and damn i feel this so so deep 😭

How do you love someone and not solve their problems? I feel like if I don’t fix your problems I can’t truly love you because then I just don’t care about you at all.

Marty , what's up my brotha? I can't tell you how amazing it is to hear another man experience the same things I've struggled with. It's like maybe I'm not crazy after all. Thank you ,thank you!

Thank you for the raw honesty. I've always felt this as a curse for many decades, and in the last 10 yrs or so, I just broke open to claim how I'm made and the big picture reasons for it. Many blessings to you, Marty.

I'm telling ya bro weed and prozac.

I am glad that I have found you because even if I have read 100 articles about INFJ's, none of them made me understand myself better than you did. So thank you for that! #17

wow so dead on . i am in shock that you feel the same way i do. i have never talked with anyone who would even come close to understanding this in the way you have explained it . thank you i dont feel so alone anymore .

Hey Marty, keep up the great work. So much of this video, I was giggling hysterically like a lunatic, because it was 100% resonating with me. The other one I watched yesterday, about “wish I could be another MB type” in a heartbeat, made me cry... only because, I felt like I’d finally found my (internet) spiritual home. Keep on keeping it real, man. ☮️

I love how your mind is so free flowing on this video. You are speaking in such an honest manner and I really appreciate it. For those of us that also feel so alien like and find it hard to convey what being an infj is like..I say to you bravo.. and thank you

This channel is dope!! Thank you for sharing this with us 🤙🏾 The last few relationships I’ve had have been with the “bad boy” type. They were messed up, wild and care free yet I fell hard and fast and the chemistry was intense but I always felt torn knowing deep down I can’t change him, I can’t fix him, I know this is not good for me, but I pushed on and tried so hard. Then, self-sabotaged and it ended. Then I spend months to years reflecting every moment, reliving different versions of every moment and, dissecting every moment, asking the questions-what did I do wrong, what did he do wrong, why did I try, was he the one that got away, was he really into me or was it all in my head. Ugh all this is why I struggle to make effort to go out and meet people. But when I’m drunk, I morph into THEE most confident and care free person. I don't even know who she is lol

Awe Marty, I sincerely feel like giving you a big hug. So many familiar things you describe. It's a review of deep trenches conflict, I had in my life. I still disappear from events, usually have my car parked close by or hang out in the rest room. Or see this little things others would not notice at all or way later. People called me every crazy name by the book, through my life I got hated and admired for the very same thing. I learned to forgive them, my friends, family and partners who failed to recognise this as a quality and not as some entertainment act. You grow tired of being seen as a freak and spend most of your life veiling your tracks. Dumb it down and experience all over, that you loose friends for speaking truth. They don't have what it takes, to see the solution, as we do in zero no time. Overthinking the overthinking and the same with feeling. I loved the quote : hybrid. Not meant for mass production. To weird to live and to rare to die. Only so, that I developed a technique to force quite hamster wheel processes. I have reframed many things in my life experience. The way I talk to myself, and the way others make me feel. Emotion control and mind control. I studied a million things. Quantum physic, psychology, chemical inbalances, cultural and conditional effects on human behaviour. I emotions and magnetic fields. Tesla would love to hang out with me, while humans around me look like me as I have lost the plot. If I don't know something you bet I know it tomorrow. I outgrow my old self as regular and people who never look beyond their comfordzoon sadden me. I have friends they carry the same. Problem through their whole life, like a cuddly toy. Nurturing it containing it, cradle it. I guess, I have managed to make peace with myself and the loneliness coming with the being a hybrid. I try no more to find my place on an extrovert world. This shallow concept of society is running itself against the wall. I believe that's why we came for. That's our time and that's the purpose for our being. The answer is revealing itself as we speak. People will need us for our quality to rebuild a world worth living in. So dear friend, be proud of yourself. Your videos are great and help so many. The real power of us lays in the heart frequency not in the mind we get all to often lost in. Love yourself - I do ( in a Galactic sense identifying one of my tribe). As you might guess, I am a visionary type. My intuition never failed me and I gained the knowledge to back it up. We are into something so amazing, you have no idea. The time of turmoil and revelation is necessary. It all will make sense. I bless your elastic heart and mind of yours and all other INFJ’s.

Keep them coming your amazing and helping me understand myself at almost 53 years old. I'm blown away that this is me .

It is like you are taking thoughts from my brain and words out of my mouth. Thank you for sharing. I feel a lil less alone.

I know Marty, you are a magnificent Infj, I think the loneliness really get to us. Besides the loneliness, we have traits that the world need, you are wonderfully made.

I know im late to this video but I only just discovered your channel. Thank you. Just thank you. I've felt other my whole life and I've never felt more understood than I do now. Of course, it comes with the hilarious irony of being told that my lack of self understanding is itself a crucial trait. Much like you I can't handle working under people that I have difficulty viewing as my superiors, thus I leaned heavily into my art since I was a child. I am releasing my first commercial novel this year. I've always found writing to be the only way I can get others to see the complex and potent way my mind processes information. Its my best outlet for exploring my own mind and commenting on the minds of others. Its eerie, frankly, how similar the way you feel around others and about your own paradoxical drive is to my own. For instance, your comment on the paradox of not settling but being overly committed. I have very close friends but only a few and they are aware that I dumb myself down for them. While I know I am committed to people in my life and am hopelessly inclined to help and save them my mind never stops screaming at me about how much more I could build or create if I just cut everyone else. Sometimes I feel like I'm just wearing whatever mask suits me best for the situation. Thanks again for opening this world to me even if the answers are somewhat sparse by nature of what I, and many others here, are.

INFJ-T female here. I felt every single one of these. The most raw and down right honest explanation I have ever seen. Thank you!

Wauw, goose bumps the entire time. This resonated so much the emotions in my stomach turned on me. I am going to watch all your videos

Sending you love from the uk...dont feel so lonely right now...your format is perfect! X

Marty ..your exasperation is sooo endearing.. it's like u wanna give out an ocean and u r giving out a bucket of water.

Marty, thank you for making these videos. You’ve touched on so many areas that I’ve spent my life bisecting, unintentionally compartmentalizing, over feeling and analyzing (e.g. IQ - bell curve convos and inherent challenges of being >95th and having spent my life hiding it or apologizing and being judged, being an ACOA, just coming to understand cluster b family, and the pain of being seen and having power when I’d rather be invisible,etc) that I wonder often how I can ask anyone to understand or love me if I can’t figure myself out. I like many feel completely alone and alien and often hopeless, but striving daily to figure myself out and find my best. It’s grueling and exhausting. Now, understanding that the traits are interwoven, rather than mutually exclusive is hyper helpful. I’ve been destroyed by bs more than once and am doing everything to be better in my relationship with boundaries and communication. Thank you for helping me find this amazing group to feel less alone in this struggle.

Hello Marty! Just saw your channel via RU-vid “Recommend” tonight and watched this video and the “INFJ curse”. 👍🏻 You are probably one of two INFJ RU-vidrs I know, amongst the many others, that I can actually show other people in my life of what I go through as an INFJ. Thank you for this!! 🙏🏻 I have subscribed, and plan to catch up on your other INFJ videos on your channel. Cheers, Jeff.

When u say..."this is harder than I thought...". I know exactly what u r feeling.. an intense burning desire to explain an avenue once n for all so completely that it sets the listener free......

Marty, you just made my night, I never answer any phone calls, regardless, I appreciate your transparency and honesty, thanks for being you ,. Triple M

I'm watching this while studying, working on my associates degree because I get bored to easily with the trades. Just left a good paying job that would be a great deal for most in my field, I could see through the BS and once I did I knew it was time to leave. You're video's are helping, I'm type T... lol, action packed full of issues (I say that jokingly not to offend anyone). This is making a lot of sense... not sure what my next steps are yet but hey there's others like me and maybe I'm not alone in this mental state. I like how direct and honest you are, just say it, I wish people would stop ducking lying to me and just be honest and direct. Saves me time knowing weather to continue or cut bait and leave. I'm going to subscribe and see what you can tell me about why I can be so difficult.

Hello Marty! I just wanted to say thank you for what you are doing with these videos. Your video on the viewer comment came across this morning and it immediately caught my eye. Everything you touched basis on today, with the exception of your ex of course, resonated with me. This may sound odd, but it brings peace to mind knowing I am not alone with these emotions, thoughts, etc. I will explain...About three years ago, I experienced something that caused my specials gifts to resurface and face them head on. I was not expecting and definitely was not prepared for it. You see, when I was a child (8 and 11 yrs old) I experienced some trauma that caused me to suppress my gifts for almost 33 yrs. For those 30+ yrs, I had always struggled with understanding why I didn’t have that many friends as well. To this day, I only have 2 good friends. I can be a little too direct for some people. I just don’t sugar coat things. I am an honest and loyal friend who does not like liars. And I can spot them a mile away. Since my recent experience, I have slowly started to accept me for who I am and know that not everybody gets me and that is okay. I have had to start from the very beginning with connecting with my gifts and I have been ting baby steps because I definitely remember they can be overwhelming. I have to say though, that a lot of my friends and family do come to me for advice and I make it clear to them my words may be a little harsh, but the words come from a place in my heart that loves them and I don’t want tot see them get hurt. Now with that being said, if they don’t take my advice or follow my guidance that is in them and depending on the situation...Next time I will just be an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on because I will not be wasting my energy on something that you will not take and follow through on. My apologies for making his so long, but I wanted to provide you an example of my slow, yet strong progress in understanding myself as an INFJ. Again, thank you Marty for your videos. I am looking forward to watching them,

I'm completely in shock, yet totally and completely "validated" and more comfortable in my own skin, from watching and listening (while I'm cleaning) to your videos.... The way you speak makes me think of how I'd likely articulate my thoughts if I were a man...I almost always have a hard time articulating my thoughts (fast enough/correctly) ..... I truly hope you take no offense, being that none is intentional, but your speech patterns sound SO much like my own.... I just happened upon your videos, around 30-40 minutes ago, and I've already watched 3..... it's so refreshing and brings about such a feeling of empathy, to hear another INFJ's view, knowing that they endure the same internal battles as I do...and have been, since as far back in my life as I can recall (I never knew what my "malfunction" was....) ... It's nice to know that you're not alone, but you feel so terrible for someone else having to go through the same emotionally, mentally, and physically draining (forgive the choice of words, please....) bullshit, daily.... I have studied my outcome with the MBTI test; taken and retaken it, and although the results were always the same, I still wasn't completely satisfied with, or fully trusting of, the results..... I started watching RU-vid's "informative" videos about INFJ's, and while lots of things resonated, others didn't.... then your "100%" video popped into the lineup; the one which tells you with 100% accuracy, whether you're truly an INFJ..... I am both disheartened and encouraged by the fact that I happen to be an INFJ.... The reason I have any positivity at all, knowing this, is because of the help I have been able to provide to some of the people in my past.... I felt wonderful for them, because I was able to point them in the correct direction to be able to look at the situation completely, use some given (and some I'd led them to discover) advice to fix things, and recapture their happiness....I was great with being the "middleman" in such cases....... But on the other hand, I've NEVER found anyone capable of reciprocity, even at a level of 10%, even though I really never asked for anything, except maybe for them to lend an ear when I was in need of one...(and I never let them know it upset me, when they didn't...) I also felt unable to help the people who literally begged for help, but refused every bit offered....knowing I could see them happy again, if only they'd hear 2% of what I spoke.... but, what can you do? Omg, I never intended to type so much to you, but you've shown me I'm not fucked up either..lol..... I appreciate you for that, more than I can ever put into words. Oh, and please never do yourself the injustice of downplaying your appearance, tattoos and all.... your personality overrides ALL that, in spades... You do have BEAUTIFUL grey hair, by the way. And a hypnotic voice.... 🙂🌹

I think it’s because we give so much energy to our relationships that it’s not possible to consistently maintain that level of energy output. That’s why inconsistently I can be life of the party but I sure will be in hermit mode recovery when I choose to. Same, phone calls are draining but I can text perfect paragraphs. Wow. This is incredibly enlightening. I’m so grateful you made these videos. Thank you.

Marty. Thank you so much for opening your heart to us all. ..baring your soul ...so publicly. It's so touching caring of you . So much of what you spoke of, to some degree resonated in me. I have spent most of my life around people being physically there , but spiritually someone else. Anyone glancing at me will just see this air...of a sense. Of absence. Of detachment. The energies surfacin around me .' Its all that , the intensity of it all I can't be spiritually present. . Hence... my spirit flies to.....above..in heavens. Somewhere else It has been my safety net. Savimg grace . I know ..odd but true. Once I go home I cleanse my energy field of everyone's energy. . I see all of these attributes you mentioned as great gifts. I work in healing. These are beautiful attributes for that work. . The ability to focus, as we do , as INFJ . I call this my ping, pong brain. You know the pingball machine where you have a lever. Pull . The ball shoots out and hits various levers to get caught or ping somewhere else. I tell my Love, bless him , when we are talking. It's the pingball mind shooting and pinging. ... wherever it hits in my brain the stream of thought flows. Just collecting ideas, ..random thoughts not necessarily the truth. This calms and takes away the energy from others feeling judged or assessed by me. . I tell them it's random. I am shifting thoughts ...that's all. Marty by voicing all you have with such profound honesty , one ....touches my heart .. two. I would say ..this awareness is 50 % the way to understanding of how we can operate in world. The gifts we bring to everyone. The hardest lesson for me , is putting up boundaries....honouring my needs. Self. It's a process. Not easy. As a INFJ. Being a magnet for narcissists. I want to change that. Being in a loving relationship is where we grow the most. This is happening for me now. Thank you for your RU-vid channel. Sharing this. I am so happy I came upon this forum. Hugs to all INFJ 's.

Hello Marty, you beautiful kindred spirit!!! Healing INFJ here and new subscriber :) I feel everything that is inside of you (sorry if that comes off as strange) but I felt it before I even pressed play....I sincerely hope that you learn to love yourself completely! Embrace the pain and accept yourself for who you are :) We are not flawed or cursed, we are beacons of light in a dark world...You have found your purpose in life doing these videos and that is all you need to shift your mindset + maybe some good strong boundries!! I will be watching each one, keep up the good work and never lose that intensity, it is intoxicating.

thank you for making this video 👍

I'm so grateful that I have come across your videos and your insights in the way you put things into words. It seems like we could go on and on about other topics but when it's us infj community which end to get stumbled because it's hard to put what we really are into words and how we really thick. It's like I'm homeless because I've helped people and help them knowing in Ma uttermost deepest guts that I should be doing for me but I never put me first. Always have this feeling when I'm around people and it's like I can tell certain things I just now realized that I am I beautiful woman of 37 was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but now that I have found out about the infj in the Myers-Briggs it's not that I have the personality disorder I have a rare personality. And my daddy told me before he passed away at 50 baby girl you have a gift please use it for the greater of good but remember yourself do not use it for anything malicious it is a gift do not be scared of it but use it. You know sometimes I think it's a curse but I guess it's just the way you look at it. Like the way that you explain the all-or-nothing and then the perfectionism oh Lord don't get me started there you are awesome keep it up thanks

Good video, Marty. As always, insightful, accurate - speaking right to the heart of the issue. As I listen to your videos (only a recent discovery - you) and read the comments here - I am impressed with how willing you are to share the journey. Yours. And that feeds my soul - looking into the soul of another. But there is in me also a certain sadness - a sense that I will have to...let it go... The possible connection to another human being--- who has the same personality profile and who is also able to "put it out there" - with transparency. In my book, that's admirable. But back to my sadness. I am 68 - so "old" now - (haven't we always been old?) female (it is harder to be the male version of this type - I am now completely convinced.) an INFJ-- A. (Not that I get all the differences between the A and T.). I was "in pain" and confusion a lot of my young life but at age 30 - in the middle of what was fast becoming a broken marriage and while an MP (an investigator) in the Army - I laid my failed life at the feet of Christ and asked for help. Amazingly there was someone who answered. And from that day forth, I was on a very different track because passing from "death" to "life" is no small thing and cannot be accomplished by self study or self knowledge. If you'd been there, you would know what I mean. But anyway, life changed. It wasn't automatic or anything like that - but life changed fundamentally. And I had a whole new set of things to sort out. And it's taken a life time. But I've never been lonely or dark from that time-- loneliness became aloneness - solitude became fellowship. And there was an inner joy and knowing. A gyroscope. A dialog. And I've walked with that consciousness from that day forth. My problem with you here -- and my sadness - is recognizing I cannot reach across the chasm that divides us - and convince you of what a difference it would make in your life - of how you wouldn't have to settle for - "that's as far as I can get (forgiveness) on this problem (step father) in this life time". Another video. You have already said where you stand on this. And I respect that choice. So that leaves me with only one real option. As I've heard more of your story - unfolding in the various videos I have heretofore watched - I have great compassion - but also this sadness. (And by the way, I am not "religious" either and it's taken me a long time to sort that out too - religion versus relationship.) About 8 years ago I started "waking" up and realizing how the world has really been working all along - controlled by a hierarchy of entities not human at the top. They have a plan and we are now in "the externlizatuon of the hierarchy" (see book by that title). I am now so much more aware of the darkness and it's intent. I gather? you would believe we are on the verge of a very positive chapter in human history - a rise in consciousness and ascension - a pulling together of man. I see it differently - I know we are on the verge of the darkest chapter and that most of humanity - will be seduced, deceived, and captured - with the end game being the merging man into / with the machine / the borg/ that entity, in fact, and ultimately, with the eradication of what was put into man - why he was created in the first place - to shadow forth the image - because that image - place - position - privilege - is hated by the PTB. And only a few will decline..to let it go. And only those will be saved out of the mess coming. Indeed we are seeing it come together so much more clearly now. There will be a hook - self ascension - light - a light that will really be other. So it is so much bigger than finding our identity as an INFJ - it is finding our place in this drama. And standing on the right side. In Humility. And we don't get a second chance. So the sadness comes from this - not being able to stay here - or share a moment of angst in recognizing and working out what was put in us as this personality type. Instead I must move on because there is no answer here - and I cannot reach across the darkness - to pull you out. Indeed you would not even see that you need that. Nor I suppose would others here. A "saved" INFJ - how does that look. Anyway.. I want to say it's been good. Nice to have stopped to sit awhile with you - in your abour. And I wish you well in your journey and in your self growth. But if it's possible to say anything of meaning here now - may I say this - you were created with purpose. It goes well beyond the identity you are working out and forging here. May you find that destiny and not be deceived. You are valued. You are loved. Choose life.

"You forget who you are and it feels like you are living for other people all the time." Never have truer words been spoken. Thanks for these videos. They are helping me to put a lot of things into perspective.

The way you talk in your vidoes and whatever you talk in these INFJ videos just replicates everything I am. Tq from a fellow INFJ-T male🙋‍♂️

You're reading me like a book. I'm so happy and grateful I found your channel.

Your words reached me to the core. I can relate so much. People who want to be an INFJ doesn't really understand how hard it is.

Lmao! “It sucks, it’s a curse” right on. Love the honesty 😊 Thanks Marty I’m learning so much from you. It’s been a wild ride lol

It's really nice to meet someone who understands the chaos of being an INFJ and i like the tattoo idea because I, too, know what it's like to feel like there's something wrong with me, even though there isn't. Thank you for the video!

Thankyou, for this video. I feel seen. And a little understood. Thankyou

This makes perfect sense & ty ty ty for correcting my own thinking.. They tried to label me as OCD, which just didn't feel right but this sir, sure does! Much love

Hats off to you, Marty. It’s my first watch and I feel putting vulnerability out there like you takes a lot of courage, especially for an INFJ. I’m a young INFJ-T with serious trust issues and I can never put myself out there bare. It’s really very hard to let go and even thinking of putting myself out bare, scares the hell out of me. I relate to you about forgetting who you are. Most times, think too much and keep thinking about for weeks and months sometimes and one or two things become a trauma because of thinking too much about it. I bottle things up and later I need a break from everything. I’m always wear a social mask all the time, even to my friends I’m like their advisor or something. Though I’m open on the surface level, but nobody knows my thoughts. Good way to break some thoughts. Anyway thanks man 😊

It is so true. I almost cried. Every sentence was nothing but the truth. It was the video I didn´t want but needed.

Infj-T, 22 here. You've been nailing every topic and issue in every video I have seen thus far. This is helping with getting conscious control once again, rather than just laying there letting all the energies and variations do their thing.

This is SO accurate. This hit me so hard I cried. Being an INFJ is a lonely life, even if you're surrounded by other people. I try to fix people and come off as pushy, and no one will understand my thoughts and feelings as well as I can understand theirs so no relationship is ever equal. I'm also very entrepreneurial for the same reasons.

Wow, I really felt the emotion when you talked about reciprocation. That is one of the hardest things knowing instantly how to care so well for others, but so rarely being understood yourself. I have struggled in so many relationships being so invested and wanting to help, but they just end up draining me because they don't want to help themselves and they will never reciprocate. It's also isolating to "just know" and having such deep thoughts and understanding but not being able to easily put it into words. You are completely right in some ways it's a curse, but I've come to a point where I don't think I would change my empathy or way of interpreting the world. That's not the problem for me I just need to work on boundaries and prioritizing and understanding myself. Thanks for talking about this even though it's hard, it's refreshing to empathize from a view point that's so relatable.

Yes thank you, I walk in your shoes. Just turned 40 & only learned this in the last few months so I’ve barely broken the ice on being an INFJ. Marty exactly what you said, Everything! In a way it’s helped knowing I’m not the only one but doesn’t change anything.

On a two week decompression cycle from people. Just learning and thinking. Oddly undisturbed. You gave many good warnings I can see.

NAILED IT! The moment I don't want to agree with you, you rethink and reword your point and it is like I am right back on that same track you are describing. When you got hung up on how to express what "inability to settle" means I was almost stressing because I knew in my mind how I feel and it seemed you were veering a different direction and then BANG! Right on! Lack of friends.. Everything. I struggle with the fact many people hear me but don't hear me how I want them to hear me. Most commonly, I was so thankful when I learned the term social introvert. Many people respond with, "You are SO social! Everyone loves you!" If I were social I would not think of calling someone to make plans and then break down all the scenarios of how it will not work so I decide not to make any plans. Overthinking everything! Thank you so much for these. If no one else feels the same, hearing this and relating makes me feel sane and heard after being unheard for so long.