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I feel like it doesn’t matter how long a “banter” has been going in. If someone comes up and says hey I actually don’t like that, it’s your responsibility to change that and be aware of it. I understand it’s not something that happens overnight but dismissing that persons feelings just because of time isn’t fair or respectful to that person’s feelings.
The point she made about the emotional side in the relationship is true, woman are so emotional and we need to feel good emotionally in the relationship or else nothing works.
If it’s not intentional it’s not gaslighting. It’s miscommunication, or selfishness or being self-centred. You don’t make someone feel like they are crazy unintentionally. The word is definitely misused and thrown around especially on social media. But yeah you can unintentionally make someone feel like their opinion or experience is invalidated by minimising it’s importance. As for the couple, assuming they are Muslim, I think the main problem is the fact that they dated too long, 5 years without compromising it’s a lot so now that they’ll get married they’ll have to compromise on MANY things that they didn’t have to as a couple dating so a lot of problems will stem from that. And SID is absolutely right, she’s demanding things and wants him to get on her page but she isn’t trying to meet halfway and compromise either. Watching videos about how to be a better wife won’t help you if you can’t talk to your partner about what he wants and expects from the relationship. If she told us about the type of compromises or arguments they have it would be way easier to be honest but the whole thing is a mess. If it was me I would probably just leave the relationship and look for a man that is more aligned with your wants and needs but you will ALWAYS have to compromise no matter how perfect your partner is for you.
@@Tan-ns2hr forreal😂😂😂 I found it weird when she said she watches videos and said he didn’t do the same thing so it meant he is not trying to improve their relationship. When that’s not even the right way to approach things. I’m usually on the side of the women with these dilemmas but I couldn’t on this situation. She sounds like she doesn’t see the things she does wrong.
It's hard to figure out whether there is gaslighting in this couple's relationship as the person has not included any examples but i do agree with Sid that this word gets thrown about lightly nowdays. (not always). What Dina said at the end is soo so important!! We need to figure out who we are as a person, what are our hobbies and ways of thinking and that way you will also know what you want in your partner. You cannot always look at videos or content online to figure out what you want in your relationship because everyone is different and hence so will be your expectations. A relationship is always about compromise whether that's a romantic relationship or the ones with your parents and siblings.
Manipulation at its core is a fear based response that is used when a person doesn’t trust themselves + believes they need to control the behavior of people around them to cope. When manipulating people, the person is attempting to control a narrative of their own creation. Many of us have been around people who use manipulation since we were children so we struggle with discernment. Learning discernment is a powerful practice that will allow you to navigate manipulation with an inner power + boundaries. UNDERSTANDING MANIPULATION: 1. Emotionally healthy people do not tell you who to interact with, who to speak to, follow online, or what to believe. They respect your boundaries + your personal autonomy. 2. Emotionally healthy people will always trust your reality or perspective + will not claim to be all knowing or an authority of the truth. They’ll respect that you are your OWN best expert. 3. Your past or vulnerable things you’ve shared will not be shared by a person whose safe 4. Tolerance or acceptance of different realities is a sign of a safe, secure, person you can trust 5. Manipulation + emotional immaturity tend to go hand in hand. Emotionally mature people don’t tell you your feelings are projections, are the result of your childhood trauma, or that you would feel differently if you were “healed.” We are all human + there is no hierarchy on healing 6. Safe people can tolerance differences + allow you to be yourself even if they feel uncomfortable
2 different issues here. 1. Possible incompatibility. Which u need to figure out before u get married. 2. Gaslighting. Its normal in relationships to some extent. But u need to address it when it happens and work towards a healthier relationship. I agree no major red flags here. However another thing im thinking is if u DO like eachother so much then why delaying the marriage so long....
Open and honest conversation. Listen both side of conversations and analyse the situation. Ask for help !! Work on it at pace and understand your partner
Ive been thinking about this recently. And then I saw you guys saying the same things. Men dont realize the emotional side for women is so important. This video reminds me its a common issue. 😊
Gaslighting is intentional. That person WANTS you to doubt your own mind. It makes it easier to impose their will upon you, and make it seem as if THEIR goals are your own.
dina is 100% right at every point, definately agree with sid too about man haters and not nice to be forced to be on her page, BUT but but! i definately agrree to thefact that the way people talk, the tone and the right words and showing sincerity is the right way to go in relationships, it is 100% communication that is required
Communication is the key to any relationship. Especially in marriage. Find a suitable time where both spouses are calm and bring it up in a gentle manner, more-so if its the wife regarding the husband. Don't let it buildup. Discuss and progress!!!! May Allaah keep all marriages happy and healthy 💕
To be sensitive about certain topics is to be aware, so I don’t understand the bad connotation. It sounds to me that when it comes to women, how they think can only come from emotion. I call this misogyny. Anyway, if it hurts your mental health, run.
They were both being ‘rude’ to each other but they’re married and are very comfortable with each other so stuff like that probably doesn’t bother them.
I agreed on everything dina was saying and then sid came in with logical explanations and i was like "oh yeah! True!" Its just so natural for women to be emotional. The problem is that some men who make women feel gaslighted are just NOT emotionally responsive or available...which leads to the problematic relationships. Just the sad reality of some relationships.
Do you ever find yourself having an argument about almost nothing? I am not talking about how to discipline a child, or how to sort out finances, but trivial things? For ex. you make a cup of tea for yourself and for Dina too. Then you see Dina putting an extra spoon of sugar in the tea. You KNOW that she ALWAYS have two spoons of sugar in her tea, so you prepared it with two, but she said you can't have because it was not sweet enough. THIS sort of thing can create a loooing argument in our house. It is so unimportant, but I get hurt because she don't think I know how she takes her tea, and she get upset because its not up to me how many sugars she has in her tea. I don't care if she wants five spoons of sugar in her tea... its the fact that she don't think I pay attention to her... as you can see, something sooo unimportant suddenly becomes a BIG issue. Do you two ever have arguments over non important stuff?
I think if you’re fighting now as a couple and don’t even live together it’s only going to get way worst when you do get married and are living with each other and around each other a lot more, I don’t understand couples who fight all the time, I can’t imagine myself being such a situation, and it’s a huge red flag that you are not happy with him now
May I ask a question for any of your future 'Ask' videos: Sid, if you're sitting in a restaurant with Dina (the kids are with Dina's parents) and a man who is obviously leaving after having eaten, just came by your table and said to your wife: 'Sorry but I have to say this. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen' and then he left. Would you Sid feel proud, angry, amused or chocked? ...and again Sid, would your reaction be different if it was an asian man, compared to a very blond looking man? And you Dina, how would you feel if a stranger did this to you? By the way, I have just found your channel, and I love it.
I think 'gaslighting' used to mean something very specific, but now it has become one of those terms that has fallen into popular usage and people say it without thinking about what it actually means. Gaslighting is a form of abuse. It is when someone does something unacceptable, and instead of taking ownership of their actions, they either deny that the incident happened, or they twist reality to make it the victim's "fault". eg Partner A physically assaults Partner B. Once the bruises have faded, Partner A totally denies that the assault ever happened and says Partner B is imagining it or making it up. Or alternatively, Partner A acknowledges the assault but says "If you were not so annoying, I would not have had to hit you. You need to stop annoying me". Both are forms of gaslighting. Nothing in this person's message to S&D suggests that they are actually being gaslighted. Gaslighting is *not* the same thing as a failure to reach consensus. I think maybe the person who wrote to S&D might find assertiveness training helpful, as that teaches you techniques to get your voice heard, whilst also hearing what the other party has to say, and techniques on how to reach consensus.
I agree with Dina. Most guys are so resistant to doing deep emotional work. They mostly function through their mind and they feel safe in that domain. While at the same time, there is aloot of emotional work to be done. They get defensive very quickly, it is almost like a reflex of I dont wanna go there and I will do whatever it takes to avoid going there, almost like an existential threat to his masculinity. I disagree that it is a function of having too much time and space; so you overanalyze. I think time and space just allow stuff to surface that are there for a reason. People often use this as an excuse because it is true that if you get busy you won't be bothered by the small stuff in the moment that they happen but trust that the very moment you stop being busy every single one of those will resurface, if they havent already affected your mental and/or physical health just sitting there accumulating while you are keeping your mind off of them by doing other "productive" activities.
It’s so weird when Sid laughs and rolls his eyes whenever Dina is trying to say her point. I find it disrespectful and he does this IN EVERY SINGLE VIDEO
Awareness, is the word you guys are looking for. You learn & become aware of the toxic things you kept up with or learned to be okey with when in reality they aren’t. So I understand Dinas perspective completely. However, when someone isn’t happy internally or feel like they aren’t achieving much or aren’t succeeding as they used, it’s exactly when they start becoming triggered and aggregated with every little thing.
Are you for real, and your saying Dina wasn't being super defensive I'm pretty sure as a women you don't know the meaning of a neutral perspective cuz your emotions "feelings" get the best of you and logic is sometimes thrown away or selective hearing is prominent or misinterpretation becomes common .
Gaslighting and manipulation is a serious issue or threat.... since there is no examples in this letter we can't tell if there is gaslighting or not....
It's about communicating your emotions in a context your partner would understand, and allowing a time and/or process for them to implement any changes, supporting each other through this. (Also if things aren't changing at all, then is this a sign of how your partner handles this in the future?)
Sid is giving 90% of screen time to Dina, Actually this is the reason they are happily together. In my opinion the girl is don't want to be with that guy but she is some reasons afraid to leave the person.
First of all I do believe you two have a great relationship that you worked very hard on! However I did notice throughout the years Sid slightly gaslighting Dina at times and sometimes Dina did it too… I obviously don’t think it’s to a extreme and unhealthy. But yeah Sid, you do it! And I do think the percentage of men doing it is higher just because women are more vocal about feelings so it gets overwhelming for men and they don’t know how to deal with it so they gaslight. As Dina said, it’s going to happen in all relationships but it shouldn’t be normalized but rather acknowledged and worked on. Everybody gaslights SID!
Sid is disrespectful and he doesn’t want to think about things too much and that’s the issue. When someone is unhappy you have to find out why and try and improve things. Not just brush it under the carpet and blaming it on other things like mobile phones
I’ve noticed in every video, Sid is always laughing. These are real people with real problems. I actually find it annoying as a viewer and it makes me want to click off the video. Thank you Dina for taking the video seriously
I really don't think they should get married, it sounds like they are incompatible and making eachother unhappy. A marriage which starts off haraam has no barakah in it, 5 years is an incredibly long time to engage in such a major sin. Brothers and sisters don't fall for such nonsense, get family involved from the start
sid always smirking/laughing in every video is really off putting. it makes it seem like he's belittling people's issues when they're just reaching out to get some advice. im sure she can stand up for herself if she's bothered by it, but the eye rolling when dina's talking comes off as rude. him saying how women are so much more emotional and sensitive is so overdone and brings absolutely nothing to the table - we hear that all the time and it's not helpful. also bringing up something to your partner isnt 'out of nowhere'... it's literally just trying to communicate and have an honest, open conversation. how else are you supposed to talk to your partner? you guys want a 3-day notice before having a simple talk?
Dina I love you but have to totally agree with Sid on this one. Women DO over complicate things and make up all these theories about men and their brains and super defensive all the time! Especially all these man hating feminsits.
I cannot believe how biased this women is lord have mercy on our souls , how the fuck can you claim to be a victim when you participate in a sin, you can't just say he or she persuaded me and put all the blame on one party for interaction it takes two to tango, the ummah in the west is spiritually dead this is the biggest issue .
Dina u talk alot , and ur talk made no sense sid can make a better conversation I think , dina u forgot to talk politely , talk less and answer in short otherwise u both are good
