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@@SamSam-yb3ls its true though. Another thing is people pray. But what is the quality of the prayer. Any concentration any connection? Just pecking up and down. Speaking about myself first.
Seriously right!! She saw red flags in the beginning and still went forward and then had s€x. Which isn't a big deal to be ashamed(I get it is for muslims) but com'on!! She self sabotaged. Know better do better ladies. Ppl should stop seeing red flags and thinking they can/will change for you. News flash! Noooooopppee sorry.
True, but it always takes two to tango. The girl was also a competent grown adult capable of declining to engage in any activity that might have been deemed immoral. Easy to place the entire blame afterwards on the man, which I agree most of it does, but the girl is to take some blame too.
This guy is so abusive. Girl you're better off leaving him. Who cares if he provides? Literally anyone can do that. And who cares if he prays? Even Iblees prayed. Bottom line is, he lacks BASIC morals, lacks integrity and this will only get worse if you don't walk away. Yes, you made a mistake - but your mistakes don't define you. Take the lesson and move on.
@@afszcb so, before Iblees went against Allah SWT’s order, he had done 4000 years of ibadah! But in a moment he destroyed all of that because he wouldn’t do sujood to Adam (as) as instructed by Allah SWT. There a two types of sujood btw: one for worship (only for Allah SWT) and one out of respect. Iblees refused to do sujood because of his arrogance and because he was jealous of Adam (AS), he thought he was better than him because he was made from fire and Adam (AS) was made of clay. There are many lessons in his story for us to learn from, about what not to do!
The Muslim community needs to have a service where they teach young adolescence basic relationship advice, tips and what it entails. It is not just about love, although love is essential. How to deal with conflict. Most people haven't witnessed a healthy relationship and so don't know what it is suppose to look like.
Major narcissist alert 🚩🚩🚩 Whoever wrote this e-mail, please leave this man, it will go from bad to literal hell for you and your kids. Speaking from personal experience
100%. Leave before it’s too late. He will destroy you mentally , spiritually and (who knows ) maybe physically as well. Don’t risk to lose yourself over someone who doesn’t even make you feel at peace. He’s not worth it!!! You’ll meet someone better than him when you less expect it and he’ll accept you the way you are. Trust God and keep living your life.
True, if he is controlling her now imagine what he will be after marriage. Also she has a nursery job surrounded by kids and mums, imagine if she had a big CEO public job he will make her quit that too. Get someone who values you and your opinions girl! There are respectful men out there.
@@imaneimane-wk8cf how do you leave someone whos destroyed your life if you still love them? i am trying so hard and i have left him but i still want him and i cannot envision ever being with anyone else but him. i cannot heal and move on because all i want is him. i know he is controlling and narcassit but i still want him in my life and i want to forgive him. how do i begin to move on when all i ever knew was him?
@@NazZarah what you're talking about is not love, even if you think it is, that's addiction. He manipulated you in a way to make you feel this way. He used every weak point of yours for his own benefit and to achieve this. Good that you've left him. Stick to that. Be Honest with yourself: is he respectful of you, your emotions, opinions, space ect... is he considerate? Is he caring, genuinely about your happiness and comfort not his, is he treating you the way you deserve? Would you want your daughter to have a man like him in her life? Do you think that kind of a man is the one that she deserves?is the way he's gonna treat her good for you? Accept that this is not how it seem to be. Read and search more about hoe narcissistic people treat their victims and see the pattern in your own experience. Believe me this is not what you need in life. The love you need in life is completely the opposite of that. Delete everything that reminds you of him. Every picture and chat. Delete him out of your life and block him everyone. Don't be reachable. Fill your time with stuff you like doing, love yourself enough to stick to your decision. You'll thank yourself later in life. Ps. You'll have another person in your life that will love you genuinely and you'll realise the huge difference. You can do it. Be there for yourself.
It pisses me off because a women had to be waaaaay more careful about choosing a husband because it’s just so much easier for the man to just leave the women and get remarried but it’s not the same for women.
Well that’s the importance of having your whole situation sorted out as a woman aside from your marriage cause then when shit goes down you can only count in yourself
Well yes as a woman, I am the one who gets pregnant and vulnerable so we have to be picky with who we want to lead a marriage with, he has to be responsible so yes woman should be careful so they don’t get with a bum like the girl who shared her story, had zina with a toxic guy and still says that the guy is good.🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
Dina and Sid are 100 percent right please. Whatever his "qualities" she needs to get out of there... and not work on it. Classic signs of an abusive relationship...being a "caring man" is just a way of controlling you.
Praying this girl doesn't marry this man 😭 abusive as hell and it's only gonna get worse with marriage. He's trying to isolate her as y'all said so she can't leave him when he traps her.
This girl needs to read up and realise she's in a narcissistic abusive relationship and LEAVE as soon as she can. This is the classic initial love bombing to capture their victim, and then once they've got their claws in they begin the abuse - they abuse them mentally, psychologically, emotionally, sexually, spiritually and financially. it may seem extreme, but that is the sad reality of many men/relationships nowadays. There is no solution except accepting the situation for what it is and running and never looking back. This man will drag her down to the gutter. He's already compromised her dignity whilst being a "good muslim and praying salah," sis if he was THAT pious, he wouldn't coerce you to commit zina! PLEASE RUN.
Sid speaks such wisdom!! the way he said, "try to pick yourself up after any bad relationship' (applies to any pitfalls in life) He once said in a video that "you can always sleep later," which stays in my head whenever I just want to sleep and put away essential tasks. Wise man, indeed.
The saddest thing is when after writing all of that, defining his absolute shit of a personality she still wrote he's lovely in other aspects and caring. No, girl HE'S NOT!!! I've read way too many posts like these where the person describes their abusive/narcissistic partner and all red flags and then says he/she is a good person otherwise, loves me and blah blah like NO, there's no way they can be a good person after doing all that shit. Love really is blind. May Allah protect us from all sorts of abusive partners and relationships, Aameen summa Aameen!
Love isn't blind, he has manipulated her, to make her believe he is something he's not. He love bombed her and then started showing his true colours but her mind has become confused by how he was initially. Classic Narc behaviour.
@@ha8236 obviously he manipulated her, but she mentions in the start the he had always been possessive (like from the very start) but she ignored it, so she really did "choose" to ignore the red flags because she started having feelings for him. That's why I said, love is blind because in some cases, like this one, it's sadly true.
She needs to leave him, that type of narcissistic abuse is just the start. Once she marry’s him the beatings will start & she could end up dead from this. GET OUT WHILST YOU CAN GIRL!
I 100% agree!!!! Stay away from these kinda 'boys', you need to marry a decent man and insha'Allah when the time is right you'll be with the right one. Just trust in Allah. Also wanna add about the Zina aspect. No one needs to know it including your future husband, siblings, close/best friend etc , if you truly regret about what happened you need to sincely repent and ask Allah to guide and strengthen you. The Prophet Muhammed SAW advised to keep a sin covered and not share it, disclosing that which is a sin is also a sin so don't tell any other human on earth. No one truly needs to know, keep it between you, Allah and of-course this boy. I know people in similar situation to yourself and honestly I told my friends the same advice. Firstly leave this guy and focus on your Iman, the shaytaan will tell you your shit and that you did all this, and how can you go back to Allah?Honestly it's so easy to follow shaytaan, do the right thing and don't let shaytaan win! End it with the guy + end any contact with him and work and enjoy your life, we live once so make the most of it and just be positive and build your Iman. Marriage is a beautiful ibadah don't waste on people who don't TRUST and RESPECT you, you deserve a better man. Stay happy human 💜
Man, I feel for her. Trust me, leaving a controlling man is hard but once you do it you'll be so glad. And even if you don't feel relief right away and he tries to make it as hard for you as possible, believe me, eventually there will be a moment when you realise things he does no longer have effect on you. Then you'll realise how bad it really was, you might grief the time you wasted on him but you'll also feel your strength and freedom returning.
I’ve been with someone for 10 years now and TRUST me when I tell you that 100% love is not enough, I hope someone will read this and understand it. It’s too late for me but I hope young people can understand this.
@@mezaooo8079 practical details is a big one. Imagine if you have kids with someone and they're lazy and don't want to work so you have the burden and stresses of looking after everyone alone. Does it matter at that point if he loves you? There's plenty of other examples I could give where love is not enough
Johanna, I’m so sorry for what you have been and goin through with your partner and you are absolutely right love is not enough. Sometimes it better to have respect , understanding and compatibility than even love itself because love alone will hurt you once the rest is missing. It’s never too late until we die and you are alive and have time. Don’t worry about how much “time” you have “wasted” don’t worry about how old you are or how long you been with a person. If they don’t make you happy, please leave them . Sometimes being away from them alone will be good enough and there is always a chance for a better person to come to your life. And if they don’t , you got yourself . Treat yourself right and never let those that aren’t worth being around you stay. I wish you all the best. Plz give yourself the chance to end it if it hasn’t been great for you ❤️
RUNNNNNNN FOOOOR THE HIIIILLLLSSS! This guy is extremely insecure, needy & controlling. He wants to make her totally dependent on him. Praying salah is the bare minimum. There’s a saying: ‘Manners maketh man’ & he has NONE. Ikhlaaq show the true colours of a man. A good man will not care about your past. We all make mistakes. Your past doesn’t define who you are now, or will be in the future. P.S. let Sid get a word in edgeways, Dina. Lol.
He won’t let you have family friends now, wait until you get married, he won’t even let you see your family. He’s emotionally blackmailed you to do the deed so he can use that as a weapon to trap you. Leave now before you end up having kids.
Weird how she works as a teacher to young children and he's against that..sounds like a good, halal occupation. In today's day and age having a career is often equated to respect. If a man loves his wife, he would want her to have things going for herself
when i told my therapist about how my then fiancé, who i was thinking of breaking up with, had good qualities, she said: "of course he does, otherwise you wouldn‘t be with him" .. just that simple sentence made it click for me. yeah of course he's nice in some ways, but that doesn‘t mean you're meant for each other. the girl here needs to find out what’s most important for her in a relationship, and if the guy doesn‘t give her that, he can be as nice as one can get, it won't work out. honestly her talking about what would happen if she leaves him and gets married to someone else already shows that she's only staying with him because of what happened + his few good qualities. girl you’re 21. CHILL. you'll find someone understanding who won't try to change who you are
I think you misinterpreted what your therapist said. He was nice and had good qualities in the beginning in order to trap you, it's called love bombing. It's a serious form of manipulation. I'm a mental health professional, maybe you should revisit this topic with your therapist just to help you understand a little more in-depth. X
oooff - he's not looking for a wife he's also looking for a servant for himself as well as his family as there's now way he would be able to afford a place of their own if he's supporting them. Run Girl...and don't look back!
Praying is the bare minimum it doesn’t make you a good person also he’s really trying to isolate her from anyone that might help when he becomes abusive run as fast as you can
I'm sorry but this guy has islam all twisted... when you love someone and care for them your supposed to be responsive to their needs and show them you love them. Theirs no point praying 5 times a day and then encouraging someone to commit zina with you. Theirs no point hurting someone's feelings and going to pray Salah... praying doesn't automatically make you a good person... actions speak louder than words.. this guy has red flags everywhere..
He sounds very narcissistic. You need to leave literally run. Otherwise you’ll endure severe emotional abuse and even psychical once married. Go no contact immediately as hard as it will be just do it x
He’s only going to be worse and worse and worse! Rescue yourself and don’t marry him! I have a cousin who is so obsessive, he used to show this side of obsessiveness when he was still engaged to his wife, for example not allowing her to be in any family group photos, not allowing her to work, many many other things, but after marriage, his obsessiveness just kept escalating to the extent that he connected his phone to hers, so whatever phone calls she would get, either it’s her mom or her friends, he would be there listening, or among many other things, like not allowing her even to visit her family, or talking about her mom as if she is a devil who wants to unrest his marriage because for example she wanted to visit her daughter or something.. i’m really glad she left him honestly. Trust your instinct and leave him, it will only get worse. It’s easier to leave him now than later.
Never marry this dude. I don’t care who he supports or how much he seems so altruistic sway you. Money doesn’t mean you won’t be miserable. Also who’s business is it if you committed zina . Isn’t that between you and Allah? Leave him so fast. He will be abusive to your children too. Please run away.
I think this girl should talk to someone close to her. Maybe not get into details about the relationship but someone around her needs to know before this man hurts her badly.
@@bg6358 yeah I agree but maybe a sister or someone very close to her, sometimes it better the judgment than potential physical harm. There are a looot of stories of young women regretting their relationships, leaving them and ending up dead by said “boyfriends”
I agree 1000% with everything that has been said in the comments and by Dina and Sid The reason he’s so controlling and manipulative is because he’s insecure about his own worth and that’s why he wants her to be completely dependent on him. Men who want to “cage” their women have issues and unfortunately there’s plenty of them around I was having a discussion with a friend the other day about marriage and finding “the one” and while you can marry anyone - it depends how much you’re willing to compromise and how much of yourself you’re willing to lose The fact that this girl has emailed in means she knows deep down he’s not the one
This was my mother with my father. He first abused her and then when she threatened to leave turned the abuse towards my sister and I. If you are in this situation, RUN! RUN AWAY FAST AND DON'T LOOK BACK! 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️
100%. Leave before it’s too late. He will destroy you mentally , spiritually and (who knows ) maybe physically as well. Don’t risk to lose yourself over someone who doesn’t even make you feel at peace. He’s not worth it!!! You’ll meet someone better than him when you less expect it and he’ll accept you the way you are. Trust God and keep living your life. Don’t risk your life please
100% agree. Listen to your gut and get rid of him. You deserve someone who loves you and treats you as an equal, who is proud of you and your achievements. And I agree with Dina on what she said about the sexual activity you had with him- he's trying to trap you so you don't leave. But you know what you have your own God given free will so who is he to try to take it from you? You will look back at this and think thank God I didn't end up with him. Next relationship you now know all the things you don't want in a man. Learn from your mistakes and get rid of him. Also you don't owe any man your sexual history- keep it to yourself. It's between you and God. You need to forgive yourself. Allll the love to you.bless you
This is very late for the comment but if the girl is watching this I really want to say that DON'T STOP PRAYING BC U FEEL SO GUILTY OF COMMITTING ZINA. Allah SWT will forgive every sin as long as you ask for it in your prayers and as long as u genuinely felt guilty for the sin. In her email, I can tell she regretted committing zina and so sis, ASK FOR FORGIVENESS. With the man, personally I think she should run for her life bc he seems like he will rip her apart.
'persuaded me to commit zina' if u didnt want to and he 'persuaded' you then thats sexual assault, hes making excuses when he says he cant get married yet hes just using you and his behaviour is also abusive and scary
This guy is abusive. Full stop. He coerced the woman who wrote in into sex - that is on a spectrum of sexual assault and so, as hard as it is, I think she should allow herself compassion that she didn’t make that decision through free will. It doesn’t define you. Coercion - sexual or otherwise - is abuse. Pressuring her to delete friends off Instagram, to change how she dresses, going through her messages - this is all abusive, and at the very minimum shows no willingness to respect her boundaries, feelings, or personhood. Love is a verb, and he has not acted in a loving way in any of the actions described. As much as I know Sid was probably more meaning that this guy is an embarrassment, I also just want to highlight that the woman who wrote in shouldn’t be embarrassed or ashamed about her situation. Emotional and coercive abuse is covert, it builds slowly and is hard to escape. It sounds like she has done nothing wrong and is being repeatedly manipulated by a guy who, yeah, doesn’t care about her as an individual at all. Like Sid and Dina said, it is so so important to be in a partnership where each person supports and celebrates the other’s individuality and independence. This kind of possessiveness will not get better - and the inconsistencies the man has shown will probably play out long-term - I could see him going from not wanting you to work, to expecting you to work and support his whole family, for instance. When people behave like this, their worldview is completely predicated on what is beneficial for them at the time (wanting sex, wanting a wife who will provide for them domestically, whatever it may be) - and they will manipulate people to feel obliged to fulfil those desires however suits them. I hope the woman who wrote in can really take stock of the fact that this doesn’t even come close to the bare minimum for what she should expect of a partner, and that it will not get better. Sure, we all have things we need to work on, and can work on, in a partnership - but this level of coercion is not one of them. It will only become harder to leave. It might seem scary, but I promise you can survive whatever he says about you. The people who matter will listen to you and see the truth. He cannot weaponise the fact that he coerced you into sex without revealing himself as an abuser. You have done nothing wrong, and you deserve so so much better. And I promise, there are so many people out there who know how to love in a healthy way. You can find someone who loves seeing you do things that make you feel like ‘you’, who is proud of your ambition and enjoys seeing you happy with the people you love. Don’t settle for less.
Complete red flags, do not marry this guy. It dosent matter that he read salah, that is the minimum for everyone dosent make you a good person. Just because you committed zina dosent mean you're not worthy to marry a respectful pious man in the future. Allah is the most forgiving, he will wipe away your sins with one sincere calling out for forgiveness. My advice is block and delete and make dua that Allah makes it easy for you to move on completely and for him to leave your life completely. Be strong you got this, go with your gut instinct that is from Allah :)
After this video a old one of sid and Dina's popped up. They even mentioned growing together in this video which we have seen thru the RU-vid years Ma Sha Allah guys keeps working hard and being your individual selfs ❤
leaving a controlling and narcasstic man is easier said then done. you develop such a strong attatchment to them to the point its impossible to leave. being in a controlling relationship is like even if they kill your entire family and paralyse you from the waist down - you will still love them the same. because you have been conditioned to love them no matter what. and when you leave, you feel empty and just cling onto the happy moments with them. i genuinelly feel like its impossible to leave a narcasstic relationship because of how strong attatchment can get.
I WAS YOUNG WHEN THERE WERE NO CELLPHONES OR SOCIAL MEDIA. THANKFULLY !!! FEEL SORRY FOR YOUNG FOLKS NOW AND COUPLES. CHECKING UP ON EACHOTHER ALL THE TIME. STRESSFUL. IF YOU ARE ENGAGED OR MARRIED STAY FAITHFUL. NO COMMITMENT BEFORE THAT AND STAY SINGLE LONG AS POSSIBLE. STAY AWAY FROM OBSESSIVE , STALKING AND CONTROLLING MEN.
